       How to Become an Unsuccessful, Burned-Out SysOp
       -----------------------------------------------

It  seems  as  if everyone who gets a modem  and  calls  bulletin
boards  toys with the idea of running his own BBS at  some  time.  
The plain truth is that bulletin boards come and go with alarming 
regularity.   A few stick around, but for every one that  reaches 
its second birthday, five will appear and vanish.  Here are a few 
simple  tips  to insure that your effort at running  at  bulletin 
board places you in the majority.

PINCH  PENNIES -  You spent thousands on a computer.  It's  silly 
to spend more than $1.98 for a BBS program.  You might even  find 
one for free.  After all, if cheap is good, free must be  better.  
Be  sure  to shop for a rock-bottom price on a  modem,  too.   It 
doesn't  matter if no one ever heard of that brand  before...they 
will before you are through.

SCHIZOPHRENIA  IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY - Keep 'em guessing.   Try 
at  least  a dozen different BBS program...after  you  officially 
open your system.  That will keep the callers on their toes.  You
wouldn't want to be predictable.  Change things around  constant-
ly...menus,  screens,  the  flow from section  to  section.   You
really don't like it when callers use logon scripts anyway.

SPEAKING  OF  BEING  PREDICTABLE - Make  your  board  part  time.
Change the hours frequently.  Part of the adventure of calling  a
BBS  is finding out what hours it operates.  Pick  strange  ones:
noon to 3 pm Tuesday and Thursday, 6 am to noon Monday, Wednesday
and  Friday, Midnight to 6 am weekends, except national  holidays
and the third Tuesday in September.

DON'T WASTE MONEY ON A SECOND PHONE LINE - You don't need it  for
a  part time board. You meet such interesting people who call  at
3 a.m. looking for a modem tone.  You did want to meet  interest-
ing people, didn't you?

TAKE THE BBS DOWN WHENEVER THE NOTION STRIKES YOU - After all, it
is  your computer.  So what if you want to play Tetris at  8  pm.
The callers can just listen to a busy signal for a while.

BE  RUDE TO YOUR CALLERS -  They're all schmucks who  don't  know
anything.  You don't have to be polite to them.  Do your best Don
Rickles  imitation when they ask questions.  Call them names  and
make fun of them because they don't know all about protocols  and
modems  and  such. After all, you know everything  about  them...
don't  you?  Dump them in mid-call because they take too long  to
read the menus and messages...or just because you want to use the
computer.

MAKE IT A DELIGHTFUL MAZE - Make your menus so complex that a PhD
couldn't find his way around your BBS.  Hide the files in obscure
corners and give the commands strange names.  While you're at it,
build  in some "black holes" to really confound the users.   Then
complain  bitterly if people just hang up instead of logging  off
properly.

Follow  these simple rules and I can guarantee you will join  the
vast majority of BBSs that fade into the sunset within months  or
even weeks of starting up.  Now, obviously, these are not serious
tips. Quite the opposite is true.  There is much more to  running
a  BBS than just slapping a program and a modem on your  computer
and  waiting for the phone to ring.  Let's look instead  at  some
positive suggestions to help make your efforts successful.

IT PAYS TO BUY QUALITY -  Ever wondered why that free software is
free?   Could it be because it is so bad the author couldn't  get
anyone  to pay for it?  How about that generic, "bargain"  modem.
Why  is  it  so cheap?  Old technology?   Inferior  parts?   Poor
workmanship?   Want to bet on how long it will last?  Good  soft-
ware can make the difference between a dream and a nightmare when
it  comes  to being a SysOp.  Same thing for  reliable  hardware.
You DID spend thousands for the computer...so spend a hundred  or
so for decent, reliable software and protect that investment.  It
won't do much for the reputation of a new BBS if it is constantly
off-line for various malfunctions.

CHANGE IS OK, BUT IT MUST BE FOR A REASON - Callers like  change,
but they also like the familiar.  Make changes slowly and  delib-
erately.   If radical changes are unavoidable, warn your  callers
ahead  of  time.  Make sure you are truly ready before  you  open
your system to the world.  Callers get discouraged when they have
to log in as new users 4 times in 4 weeks because you keep exper-
imenting  with  new  programs.   Most  of  them  won't  complain,
they'll just quit calling.

KEEP  IT  SIMPLE - Incredibly complex BBSs appeal mostly  to  the
"hacker" types.  Are these the people you want on your  computer?
Most  folks want a BBS that is simple and logical, with  commands
that  make  sense and are easily remembered.  That  still  leaves
plenty of room for creativity and originality.

BE  ORIGINAL - OK, you have your brand new BBS up.   It's  plain,
vanilla RBBS software, right out of the distribution files.  They
even  had those neat screens and menus in there all ready to  go.
Now  you  sit back and wait for the callers to ooh and  aah  over
your lovely system.  Don't hold your breath.  Everyone got  tired
of  those screens long ago.  Come up with something fresh.   Call
distant  BBSs  and get ideas.  Don't steal whole  screens  intact
unless the SysOp has packaged them for distribution.  Even  then,
make  a few changes to make them your very own.  This is  one  of
the  best  ways to demonstrate to callers that  there  really  is
something special about your BBS.

SHOULD YOUR BBS HAVE A "THEME?" - Maybe.  That's the best  answer
I  can give.  Some theme and special purpose BBSs are  very  suc-
cessful, but the world probably doesn't need another BBS based on
Dungeons  &  Dragons.   If you are going to give  your  system  a
theme,  make  sure  it is one that will be  interesting  to  most
callers.

GIVE THE CALLERS WHAT THEY WANT - within reason.  Listen to  what
your users have to say about the system.  ASK them what they like
and  don't like.  If the majority of them hate a particular  fea-
ture,  get rid of it.  If most of them want something  you  don't
have,  try  to get it.  Remember, they have choices.   There  are
plenty of other modems out there waiting to answer the phone.

MAKE  IT AVAILABLE AS ADVERTISED - part time boards  rarely  suc-
ceed.  Some stay around through sheer inertia...just because it's
too  much trouble to take them down.  Hardly anyone  calls  these
boards  for long...especially if the operating hours are  bizarre
and  irregular.   If it must be part time, make it  regular.   24
hours is always best.  Frankly, if you can't make the  commitment
to  a separate phone line, you really aren't ready to run a  BBS.
The  same goes for using the computer yourself...you promised  it
would  be  available at certain hours.  Unless there  is  a  real
emergency,  you aren't living up to a commitment unless you  have
it on-line for the promised hours.

TREAT YOUR CALLERS LIKE FRIENDS AND WELCOME GUESTS -  After  all,
YOU invited these people into your home!  It's true, some callers
are brainless twits.  There have always been people like that and
there  always will be.  But remember, for every jerk that  calls,
there  are 9 or 10 really nice, interesting people.   Concentrate
on  the good folks and ignore the clowns...sooner or  later  they
will get tired and go away.

THINK  ABOUT  THE  KIND OF BBS YOU LIKE TO CALL  -  Your  callers
probably like the same things.  Analyze the other BBSs you  call.
What  do you like about each?  What do you dislike?  Do you  feel
welcome  on some and like an intruder on others?  Why?  How  will
someone  else feel after calling your board?  Will they  want  to
call again?

HAVE PATIENCE - Be patient while your BBS builds a following with
the  callers.   It may take months before the traffic is  at  the
level you anticipated.  Be patient too with inexperienced users.
Help  them learn instead of harassing them.  Did  you  appreciate
sarcasm  and  wisecracks  when you asked "dumb"  questions  as  a
beginner?  Everyone is a beginner sometime.

Keep these tips in mind and you will find that your BBS grows and
succeeds  while countless others come and go.  Why?  Because  you
treat  callers with respect and consideration!  Because you  make
them feel welcome.  Because you really care about what they  like
and dislike.  Because you put yourself in their place and look at
the situation as they do.

Does  all  of this sound like a lot of work?  You're  right.   It
takes  a lot of effort to run a popular and successful BBS.   But
the  rewards  of meeting new people, making new  friends,  seeing
other points of view, make it all worthwhile.
