THE FIXER WAS HERE!  December 1986





Some of my favorite ways to fuck people
over:


KRAZY GLUE TRICKS:

- Krazy Glue someone's doors and 
  windows shut.
- Krazy Glue someone's school locker
  shut...only while ALL his books are
  in it.
- Krazy Glue someone's gym or pool
  locker shut...only while his clothes
  are in it.
- Krazy Glue that dick of a teacher or
  prof into his office or classroom.
  This is better done to a second floor
  or higher room.
- Krazy Glue the clappers on all the
  fire bells in your school fixed.
  (thanx to a PIPELINE user for this
  one)
- Krazy Glue the mike switch and power
  switch of your school's PA system on.
  Then you can hear what REALLY goes on
  in there...All day!
- If you can get into his car, Krazy
  Glue your favorite dick's steering
  wheel so it can't turn.
- Put a few drops of Krazy Glue in the
  keyhole of a door or the key ignition
  of a car, so the key either won't
  go in or won't turn if it does go in.
- If your school's AudioVisual 
  equipment is connected to cable, and
  if your cable system has it, Krazy
  Glue the Channel dial stuck... on
  the Porno Channel!
- Krazy Glue that Barbell to the 
  squat rack or press bench - Only
  Hercules will be able to lift that
  20-pound Wimp-bell!
- Krazy Glue the hands on all the
  clocks at school to 3PM or whenever
  school lets out.
- Krazy Glue your favorite dick's 
  walkman battery door SHUT. He won't
  know what happened 'til his batteries
  run down.
- Envious of your buddy's expensive-
  -looking mechanical pencil? Well,
  don't steal it cuz he'll know it's
  you. Instead, Krazy Glue the clicker
  button at the top so it won't move
  when pushed. It will then run out of
  lead VERY QUICKLY and can never be
  used again.
- Wanna REALLY fuck someone over? 
  Krazy Glue his bike's brakes OPEN
  so when he wants to stop, he can't.
  This trick can get a guy killed, so
  only use it as MORTAL revenge.
- In winter, Krazy Glue someone's
  window open.
- Krazy Glue the bell clapper on a
  phone so it can't hit the bell when
  it rings. They will wonder why no
  one is calling them and their friends
  will wonder why no one answers.
- Let a drop or two of Krazy Glue slide
  down the crack between the little
  post on the phone that goes down when
  you hang up (Not to your own fone).
  The Krazy Glue will solidify causing
  the phone to be stuck "off the hook".


  I bet if I thought hard enuf, I 
  could come up with a fuckin' MILLION
  of 'em!
  Anyways, here's some more pranks, 
  revenge techniques, and general
  mayhem.


- Use one of the "Car Tricks" left on
  this board by The Sandman.
- Throw a couple of nice pretty colored
  smoke bombs(see Smoke Bombs file on
  this board) into someones house 
  during a prep party.
- Perform a satanic ritual on the
  boulevard or sidewalk (public
  property) in front of the house of
  the most obnoxious fundamentalist
  christian you know.
- Play Iron Maiden songs at full crank
  as you drive by a church on Sunday
  Morning.
- Same drill, only at a christian
  "record burning" revival.
- Your worst enemy has finally died,
  and you are not accused of his 
  demise. Moon his funeral procession.
- Shit on his gravestone.
- Paint his gravestone Flourescent
  pink.
- That god-damn baptist preacher has
  gone and convinced town council to
  ban dancing and rock'n'roll. Paint
  his church flourescent pink. Or use
  some of the above Krazy Glue tricks.
- Or burn him in effigy. Where he can
  see.
- If you work in a fast-food
  restaurant, piss in the fry vat.
- If you read the July '81 National
  Lampoon, you have heard this one:
  Steal a heavy earth-mover, like a
  bulldozer or backhoe. Right around
  4 AM, when the sprinklers have been
  going all night, drive all around
  a golf course in one of these. The
  ground is so soft from the sprinklers
  being on all night that you will 
  really fuck it up good, especially
  the greens. And they cost a LOT of
  money to fix.
- I read in Easyriders magazine this
  month about a prisoner who sent
  all the guards at his pen to hospital
  by taking a "big healthy shit" in
  the spaghetti. If you work in an
  Italian restaurant and are about to
  get fired anyway, this is a good way
  to say "Arrivederci".
- Bake a whole fuckload of weed into
  some muffins or cupcakes, and donate
  them to your local church's next bake
  sale (YES I hate churches).
- Crash your local christian BBS using
  a scarlet box (see file BOXES on
  this board)
- Or better yet use any technique for
  forcing your local christan BBS's 
  line off the hook. The fag sysop will
  wonder why no one is calling. Ever.
- Get 30 minutes of slo-burning 
  blasting fuse, attach it to a smoke
  bomb. During a class, ask permission
  to go to the can. Once you are out of
  the class, find an empty locker. Put
  the bomb inside the locker, and lite
  the fuse. Half an hour later, while
  you are daydreaming in algebra class,
  the fuckin' thing will go off and
  as long as you weren't seen planting
  the thing you cannot be traced to the
  event.
- Same drill as above only use a whole
  fuckin' string of M-60s or
  screechers. Oh, P.S., make sure to
  shut the locker but not lock it.
  If a teacher went by and saw an empty
  locker with a fuse burning attached
  to god-knows-what, he will put it
  out. And schools have been known to
  investigate by fingerprinting
  EVERYONE. (If it goes off then
  fingerprints are destroyed, you're
  home-free)
- Buy a whole bunch of different
  magazines, and take out the "READER
  SERVICE" cards. Fill out the cards
  with your enemy's name and address
  on them, and circle ALL the numbers.
  If there is a line on the card for
  business name put in "John's Gay
  Apparels" or some other fag name like
  that that uses the goof's name. Put
  a stamp on each card and dump them
  all in the mailbox. In a few weeks
  the motherfucker will be on every
  mailing list in the WORLD, and 
  Christ, will he know it! He will also
  be getting mail addressed to fag
  companies. If he confronts you with
  this, it will be all you can do to
  keep from cracking up laughing.
  Two TV shops in town waged war this
  way for months last summer!


Well that's it for now. If you didn't
get too many laughs out of reading this
file, then you will when you try this
stuff. Watch for PRANKS volume II,
coming soon to an underground BBS near
you.

TTYL,      T H E   F I X E R


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I                                     I
I         More Pranks, Revenge,       I
I                                     I
I           and Other Mayhem          I
I                                     I
I                                     I
I                                     I
I      Uploaded December 1986 by      I
I                                     I
I           T H E   F I X E R         I
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I    Copyright (C) Never by no-one    I
I                                     I
I  Unauthorized duplication REQUIRED  I
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WARNING: This file is NOT for 
         entertainment purposes. If I
         catch you reading this file
         without using ANY of its 
         info in life, I will pull a
         few of them on YOU, so you
         will realize how much they
         can fuck somebody up.
         


More Mayhem:

- Take the hinge pins out of a door at
  your school. Shut the door. Next time
  someone goes to open it, FOOM! Down
  it goes.
- In your science lab, shut a door and
  set the dome of a Van de Graaf 
  generator against the doorknob. Turn
  it on and leave. Next sucker to use
  that door get the ZAP of his fuckin'
  lifetime.
- Take a picture of your favorite goof.
  get a cheap black&white 8x10 blowup
  made, and photocopy it. On the
  copy, under the picture, write GOOF
  in big letters. Make 200 copies, and
  post them everywhere (best to get
  them printed by a printing company
  if you make a whole shitload of 
  copies). Next time dickhead looks
  at a school bulletin board, his hair
  will stand on end.
- Dump a vanload of garbage on your
  enemy's front lawn.
- Put a few dead fish in a school
  locker, and lock it. If the locker
  has vents (and they all do!) then
  in a few days that entire WING
  of the school will just fuckin' REEK!
- Spray "fart spray" (from your local
  trick & joke shop) EVERYWHERE.
- When you go on a date with a really
  ugly bitch (on a dare or whatever)
  make sure to eat two dozen BRAN 
  MUFFINS beforehand. Your farting
  will make the ugly wench run for the
  hills!
- Better yet, do the farting thing
  whenever you are forced to go to
  church.
- You know that temporary spray paint
  kids put in their hair at Halloween?
  Paint your neighbors' cat or dog
  with that stuff. I strongly recommend
  flourescent pink, orange, and green.
- If you REALLY hate your neighbor or
  his pet, spray the animal with
  PERMANENT paint. Same colours.
- Or, keep your neighbors' pet's
  hairstyle in fashion. Give his pet
  a Mohawk.
- If you work in an arcade and you 
  think you may be fired soon, a good
  way to get back is to paint contact
  explosive inside the coin drops of
  all the machines.
- A variation of this technique for
  those who don't work in arcades is to
  cover your quarters with contact
  explosive before inserting them in
  the slot. As long as you don't
  play for more than 5 minutes or so
  you are pretty much assured that
  it can't go off while you are
  playing, but once it dries.......
- Put a few drops of Krazy Glue on the
  winding knob of your enemy's analog
  watch. If he has a digital, seal the
  buttons and the back panel with
  Krazy Glue.
- Break into that asshole's locker.
  Steal all his valuables and B U R N
  his texts, notes, and library books.
  He will get in SO much shit.........
- You all saw MASH the movie. You know
  then about how Hot Lips and Maj. 
  Burns were caught going at it in her
  tent by a mike which broadcast the
  event to the whole camp...Do that
  to someone you suspect is a fag. Only
  broadcast it so everyone in TOWN can
  hear it.
- Your enemy's car carries too much
  dead weight in the form of batteries.
  Replace that big unsightly battery
  with a 9 volt.  This way only his
  radio will work.
- Pour CONCENTRATED Hydrochloric acid
  all over your enemy's bike's chain,
  derailleurs, etcetera. If, the next
  day, he still rides it, repeat until
  the acid has turned the bike to DUST.
- Strip his expensive Cinelli of all 
  those confusing hi-tech parts and
  replace them with simple, economical
  parts from Canadian Tire or K Mart.
- Find a liquid high-explosive that
  does not react with water or
  gasoline. Pour it into his Yamaha's
  tank. (NOTE If I catch anyone doin'
  this to a Harley I will take great
  pleasure in slowly killing them)
- Paint a penis and balls onto the side
  of his car.
- Load the back of his truck with horse
  manure and cowpies.
- Raise locusts. Once you have about
  a hundred thousand or so of them, set
  them free in your enemy's garden.
- Plant marijuana in your enemy's
  garden (but not at the same time
  that you do the locust trick). Go
  to nearest pay-phone, and dutifully
  report him. Make sure you remain
  anonymous.
- Rip off an outboard motor. Fasten it
  to a sharpened telephone pole and
  aim it in the general direction of
  the milling boats at the yacht club.
  (This prank came from National
  Lampoon magazine, July 1981.  And it
  works.)
- Unplug the speakers of your school's
  Apples. All of them.
- Write your enemy's phone number on 
  every men's room wall you see.
- Write to your local AIDS society, 
  asking about ways to tell if you
  have AIDS.
  Include a stamped envelope with your
  enemy's name and address on it.  
- Take all the toilet paper in the
  men's room home with you. Get your
  girlfriend to do the same to the
  ladies' room.
- Have your autodialer dial your enemy,
  for a few hours.
- Your enemy isn't going ANYWHERE....
  if you have removed his car's wheels
  and replaced them with wooden blocks.
  Leave him a note telling how much
  stress you are saving him by not
  letting him go to work.
- Give your enemy's kid a whole bag
  of hard candies. When he gets home
  and tells your enemy (his parents)
  all about that neat stranger that
  gave him a whole bag of candy, your
  enemy will FREAK.
- Did you know that some people still
  freak out when you throw a foam
  rubber brick at a window or TV 
  screen? Get one at your local trick
  and joke shop and get ready for a
  whole lotta laughs.
- Those emergency stop buttons on
  escalators really work! Try it 
  sometime.
- Get your enemy drunk and give him a
  Mohawk while he is passed out.
- Put up a FOR SALE sign in front of
  your enemy's house. Or put one on
  his car.
- People still fall for thumbtacks
  on chairs. Give that one a try too.
- Get a HARD CORE porno hi-res graphic
  on disk for a comodore. Take
  this disk to a Zellers or Kmart or
  other big store that sells c0modores.
  Do this during a big rush so the
  salesmen don't bug you. Load up the
  graphic, but don't display it.
  Write a short BASIC program to 
  display a text screen or something
  for a few minutes or so, to give you
  time to GET OUT. After a few minutes,
  the store's display machine should
  then go into graphic mode and VOILA!
  Hi-res porno before a crowd of 
  shocked shoppers and embarrased
  salesmen.



Well, I hoped you liked these pranks
too. Try to use as many of them as
possible and you will have the biggest
grin on your block.
That's all for now.
Watch for PRANKS III coming sooner
than soon.

          T H E   F I X E R







                                   
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##    Pranks, Revenge, and General   ##
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##         Mayhem, Volume III.       ##
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##     Uploaded December 1986 by     ##
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##          T H E   F I X E R        ##
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##   Copyright (C) Never by No-one   ##
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## UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION REQUIRED ##
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##  This lesson:                     ##
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##  More Krazy Glue Tricks.          ##
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   Ah, that wondrous compund, 
cyanoacrylate. Many, many companies
make the stuff but we all 
affectionately refer to it as KRAZY
GLUE.
   In my first pranks file about half
the file was devoted to Krazy Glue,
and its many blessings, and after
giving it some thought, have come up
with some more gems for ya.
   In this file, it shall be 
demonstrated that it is possible to
sabotage nearly ANYTHING with Krazy
Glue.




More Krazy Glue Tricks:

- Krazy Glue your enemy's radio on a
  station he HATES; if you like, do the
  same thing to his volume control, at
  full volume.
- Krazy Glue all your enemy's (or your
  school's) light switches off.
- Krazy Glue the Teacher's briefcase
  SHUT.
- Krazy Glue the pages of your enemy's
  textbooks and notes together. White
  Glue can be substituted here.
- Krazy Glue your enemy's disk drive
  door shut.
- Put a drop of Krazy Glue inside each
  of your enemy's diskettes.
- Put a drop of Krazy Glue on the pins
  of your enemy's print head.
- Krazy Glue all your school's
  microscopes out-of-focus.
- If your enemy ever removes his shoes
  in your presence and turns his back
  on you for any reason, Krazy Glue
  the soles to the floor. Or Krazy
  Glue the laces together.
- Rearrange all those plug connectors
  on the back of your enemy's stereo,
  into a random order. Krazy Glue them
  on so they can't be put back.
- Krazy Glue the reels of your enemy's
  cassette tapes, so they won't turn.
- Krazy Glue your enemy's medicine
  cabinet shut.
- Alternatively, Krazy Glue all the
  toothpaste tubes, pill bottles, etc
  to the shelves of same med. cabinet.
- If your enemy is a diabetic and you
  want to reduce him to fear for his
  life, Krazy Glue the plungers of
  all his insulin syringes so he can't
  inject. This is also good to do to
  druggies.
- Krazy Glue your enemy's ni-cads into
  the charger. Put a few non-
  rechargeables in as well.
- Krazy Glue all your enemy's flies
  open. Krazy glue all his other
  zippers shut.
- Krazy Glue the containers in the
  enemy's fridge shut. or,
  alternatively, Krazy Glue the whole
  fridge door shut.
- Krazy Glue the enemy's bike into 18th
  gear.
- If your enemy is a shooting fan, then
  Krazy Glue the trigger of his 
  favorite gun so it won't work when
  he goes to the range. Major
  Embarrassment.
- Krazy Glue your enemy's kid's
  TransFormer so that it won't
  TransForm.
- Unplug your enemy's TV cable. Put a
  drop of Krazy Glue in that tiny hole
  in the middle of the wall jack. Don't
  bother plugging it back in, and when
  the enemy goes to plug it back in, he
  won't be able to.
- Put that asshole's favorite disks
  into one of his disk boxes. Krazy
  Glue the box SHUT.
- Krazy Glue that little rubber plug on
  the bottom of the dick's piggy bank
  ON.
- Cut a tiny (1/8") slit into the
  cunt's Hacky Sack. Through this slit,
  saturate the whole innards of the
  sack with Krazy Glue. Use a whole
  tube of the shit if you like. Your
  enemy will not even notice until he
  goes to give the footbag a good solid
  BOOT, and it will be ROCK hard by
  that time.
- Deflate the tires on your enemy's
  transportation. Krazy Glue the valves
  shut and the tires to the wheel's
  rim.
- Krazy Glue the enemy's lights into
  their sockets. Wait for them to burn
  out.
- Krazy Glue the snooze bar of the
  enemy's alarm clock so that he can't
  shut off the alarm when it goes 
  without unplugging the damn thing.
- If your enemy is rinning for prez or
  something, Krazy Glue his campaign
  posters to the walls. After the
  election is over he will be required
  to take the things down, but what if
  he can't??????
- Since Krazy Glue doesn't set too well
  under moist conditions, it is a good
  idea to substitute EPOXY for Krazy
  Glue when you glue the toilet handle
  (either your enemy's or all the 
  school's) so it can't flush.
- Krazy Glue the caps of beer bottles
  to the bottles themselves. Do this
  with a case of your enemy's beer.
- Krazy Glue buttons and joysticks of
  all the video games in that arcade 
  that you got booted out of last week.
- Krazy Glue all the beakers and test
  tubes etcetera to the shelves at your
  school's chem lab.
- Krazy Glue that asshole teacher's
  glasses folded so he can't put them
  back on.
- Saturate basketball nets with Krazy
  Glue. You will need a whole fuckload
  to do this, but it will be worth it
  when someone shoots the ball and
  it won't go thru the hoop.....
- Krazy Glue hockey pucks into one
  big long cylinder....
- Krazy Glue mailboxes shut.
- Krazy Glue blackboard erasers to the
  chalk tray.
- In winter, open window on bus (just
  before you get off) and Krazy Glue
  it there. Driver and passengers will
  freeze.
- Krazy Glue speaker cones so they
  won't make noise.
- Krazy Glue the metal flap on the coin
  return of a vending machine so it
  won't open. BONUS: Later, come by
  with some Krazy Glue SOLVENT and
  take any coins the machine tried to
  return.
- When sending letters to a stamp
  collecting enemy, send really neat,
  interesting stamps on the envelope.
  But Krazy Glue them on so he can't
  steam them off.
- Krazy Glue that stupid cat's tail to
  the pavement of Hiway 1...
- Or to its owner's front door...
- Place many drops of Krazy Glue all 
  over items of Enemy's clothing. The
  Krazy Glue will form circles about
  1 inch in diameter that are ROCK
  SOLID, basiclyfucking 'em up.
- Deflate enemy's soccer or basket
  ball. Place 1 drop of Krazy Glue in
  the inflating needle hole.


  That's all for now. Watch for
         PRANKS IV 
  coming soon to this BBS/AE.





                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                   
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***       Still More Pranks, Revenge, and General Mayhem.                   ***
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***          T H E   F I X E R  done deze dirty deedz.                      ***
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Bernzomatic Tricks:

A Bernzomatic is one of those little portable two-tank welding & soldering
blowtorches. The mayhem applications of such a device are nearly innumerable.

- Try any of my Krazy Glue tricks that stick metal together, with a
  Bernzomatic.
- Solder that dick's bike's wheels, or handlebars, or brakes, stuck. These
  could not be done with Krazy Glue.
- Weld locker doors shut. Works even better than with Krazy Glue 'coz there's
  no solvent for this.
- If you see a bike chained to a fence, you can either weld the chain to both
  the fence and the bike, or solder the keyhole/combo knob stuck.
- Make modern art out of school desks: Weld them all together in a pseudo
  random arrangement.
- Take battery, spark plugs, starter motor, or whatever out of car so it won't
  start. Then weld hood on.
- Deflate enemy tires; weld wheel nuts on so tire can't be removed. Krazy Glue
  the valve so it can't be refilled either.
   
Be creative (destructive?)


More pranks:


- Have fun switching price tags in the local department store or labels in the
  supermarket.
- Go to the trick and joke shop and get a BIG rubber spider. Go  to the 
  liquor store with this and put the spider in a bottle (twist off caps are
  best)
- Place motor oil all over stairways and ramps.
- Wipe boogers on buttons of elevators and other things (only if you are REAL
  gross)
- Go to Radio Shack. You know how all the parts hang from hooks in little
  plastic bags stapled to a card?  Krazy Glue a few thousand of those to
  the hooks they hang from. Do this to shelved stock as well; if you don't
  make yourself look suspicious you will appear to be "just looking".
  You can also do this in drugstores and other stores, but I have named
  Radio Shack 'coz I was thrown out of one once for knowing more about the
  TRS-80 on display than the manager...
- If you live in an area with no cable TV, go up on your enemy's roof at a
  time when he is not there to hear your footsteps, and re-aim his
  antenna in a random direction. If he has a rotator, Krazy Glue its gears
  so it will not rotate the aerial.
- Attach a bud box to your enemy's house. Then, blue-box thru it a lot
  and at a dangerous time. Watch him try to explain it to Bell!
- If you can get access to your enemy's computer without him knowing, remove
  a few choice chips. Like ROM, the 6502, a few RAMS, or the Video chip.
  The Keyboard Rom is ideal - leave in other chips, and your enemy will have
  a working machine EXCEPT...
  (for comod0res: pull the kbd CIA chip)
- Similarly, if you have the same machine as your school, you have a
  supply of spare parts for free! All you do is, when you have a blown
  chip, take it out of your machine, go to school, wait until you can have
  2 minutes ALONE in the computer room, and then swap your blown chip for the
  good one in one of your school's machines. ESPECIALLY EASY if your
  school has Apples, coz then you don't need to fuck with unscrewing
  anything. The school will NEVER ask questions, they will assume the chip
  blew from natural causes (which it actually did, but not in their 
  machine) and they will PROMPTLY fix it themselves, so you will not even
  be without the use of a school computer for long! Also, if you are
  caught red-handed, just say you are trying to get the disk card to work
  or something; if they discover the blown chip right away they might
  think you "accidentally" blew it and may make you pay for it (at their
  reduced school rate!) but that is the VERY worst that can happen if you are
  REALLY stupid.
- Remember the Hockey-puck Krazy Glue trick of my last file? Well, glue
  your enemy's records into one big long cylinder in the same manner.
- Let's see how fast that rotary razor will run with the blades Krazy Glued
  to the screen!
- Steal a box of your enemy's favorite disks. If he has any wares
  on it that you want, copy them. Then, open them all up, and, with RUBBER
  GLOVES ON so as not to fuck up his data, randomly place the actual disks
  in other jackets, so that the labels on his disks are completely wrong.
  Krazy Glue the jackets shut so he won't get suspicious.
  Now, at your earliest convenience, return his disks (stick them under a
  desk at school or something so he will think he lost them), and wait
  for him to try and boot up some! "Gee, I think I'll play Karateka....
   What? Applewriter? What the fuck..."
- If your enemy has a Commodore 64, give him a disk of neat0 programs.
  Include a file called "auto-boot menu", which he will 
  assume is exactly what its name implies.
  Now, the file with that name should be as follows:
  You may have heard of programs that
  can format 40 tracks on the 1541. You should also know that this knocks the
  drive head against the track 35 post. "Auto-boot menu" should 
  repeatedly, non-stop, bang the head against this post in an attempt to
  format/read/write track FIFTY. This will totally FUCK his alignment to
  death, and if he is stupid and has never read comodore magazines,
  he will go to a computer store and pay a hundred bucks or so
  to get it fixed.
  (HINT: you cannot do this using DOS, you must program the stepper motor.)
- Take your enemy's disk notcher. When you get home with it, take it apart.
  If it is the kind that resembles a one-hole punch, then remove the
  blade and return it to him. If it is the plastic Taihaho job, take off
  the 2 screws at the bottom. Take out the blade, which should be bevelled.
  Grind it so it is completely rectangular, then file the edge so it
  is dull. Put it back together and return it to your enemy. I guarantee
  you, he will never use it again.
- Take a piece of square (1/2") mild steel stock about a foot long and,
  under heat, bend it into the shape of a horseshoe magnet. Paint it red.
  It should have no magnetic field at all, but surrepetitiously place it
  underneath all of your enemy's disks.  You will do no damage but the look on
  his face...
- If you REALLY hate your enemy then just go out and buy a real magnet,
  and do the same thing.
- Krazy glue ALL the buttons in an elevator so they cannot be pushed.
  Great to do in REALLY tall buildings.




Well I hope that gives you a few MORE
ideas, have fun making thy foes
miserable.

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                              The Fixer presents...

                      PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM

                                     PART 5

Thanx to The Locksmith for his ideas and general sadistic attitude.
Thanx also to Vic High for providing a good proving ground for the following
file:

                   S C H O O L   P H U N : V O L U M E   T W O

NOTE: the previous file, school phun, was primarily composed by The Locksmith,
and so, unlike this one, is not a part of my ongoing Pranks series. However,
this is the first Pranks file for which I recruited help. Now, enough bullshit,
on with the file.


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- Are you tired of hearing your principal's poofy-sounding faggot voice on the
loudspeaker every morning? Well, here is the solution: Cut the wire running
down the wall to the speaker. You will usually have to stand on something to
reach it. Use an X-acto knife, so the cut will not be noticeable and the 
custodian will spend forever looking for a short or something.

- To get a NIFTY little magnifying glass, just rip off the lens of a projector
in your school. You will have to unscrew it from a tubular casing which you
should put back when you are done, but keep the lens and wait for the next
film show - they do not normally check to see if the thing is there before
they show it, because teachers are stupid.

- In a previous file I suggested you Krazy Glue a barbell to its bench or 
rack. Now, I want you to Krazy Glue all the pulleys and tracks, etc. of all
the machines in your school's weight room stuck. Leave some in the lifted
position so if they come around with Solvent, as soon as the Krazy Glue cannot
hold the weight up any longer,

                    ******** K R A A A A A S H ! ! ! ********

- In a previous file I suggested you load up a hi-res porno graphics screen
into a store's computer on display. You were to write a program that waited 
awhile so you could get out, and then it would display the screen. This also
works at school, but there it is better: you can do it on ALL the machines that
are not in use, and it gets your fellow students howling their heads off and
the teacher(s) REALLY pissed!

- Another variation on that trick is to erase all that stupid Word Processing
or Logo software, and replace it with a "slideshow" program that shows a 
diskfull of hi-res, hard-core porno graphics. This is good to do after school
if the teacher goes out to the office or to the back room to screw Ms. Slutsky,
coz all the other students will get a good laugh out of it before anything is
done. Make sure you are alone or that there are no narks in the room before you
actually do this, though.

- A quicker way to fry a keyboard than banging the keys, is to RANDOMLY pour
Krazy Glue in between 'em, so that the Krazy Glue sticks the keys so they 
can't be pressed. New Keyboard Time!

- Another neat way to fry school computers: Get a dead disk. Take the disk part
out of the jacket, throw it away. Cut a five-inch circle of 220-grit sandpaper
or emery cloth so that it has the same shape as a floppy disk's disk. Place
this in the jacket of the dead disk, and put it in a drive, and boot up! 
No more read/write head in about 5 secs.
If you cannot find 220 grit or finer paper, it may not turn inside the jacket,
so just cut the thing out and put it in the drive as-is. Coarser grit will
fuck the head quicker. 
Also, if you do use a jacket, do not do the trick yourself: Put a label on the
jacket and put the "death disk" in a sleeve and leave it by a school machine.
The next guy to come along will put the disk in out of curiosity and fry the
head. Put the name of someone you hate on the label, so they get blamed.

- One thing that some people at my school loved to do was wait until some
asshole's metal shop project was nearly done, and then on a day when the
asshole was not in school, they would turn on the forge and throw the project 
into tne fire, only to be melted down.
Another popular metal-shop prank was to grind projects or critical project
parts down to POWDER.
Still another was to pour water on the projects of enemies, and then take
a welding torch to it, not hot enough to melt or even glow, you understand, but
just so the project would get a nice thick healthy coating of RUST.

- Just before the teacher that gave you an F comes into the room, place several
drops of Krazy Glue on his seat. Do this to narks, sucks, and other goofs, too.

- Use techniques described in other files to open the lockers of other
students. Have fun randomly switching lo ks and locker contents. Steal a few
valuables and throw away/rip up/burn a few textbooks too.

- Leave a note in your least favorite teacher's slot at the office, telling
him what a dick he is. Use as many 4-letter words as possible, and make it
sound a bit like a blackmail note, but do not mention any specifics or he may 
figure you out. Do this daily, but make sure you are not noticed. Do not
leave hand-written notes.

- Roll up a few Penthouse centerfolds with those big roll-up maps. Do this to
projection screens, too.

- Go to a dance at school. Armed only with a few tubes of Krazy Glue,
strategically place drops of Krazy Glue on the gym floor so milling dancers 
get their shoes stuck to the floor. Also Krazy Glue canned music equipment to
the stage, to itself, to its operator(s), etc. The Music Company will never
want to do your school again, but you never liked that top-40, prep horse-shit
they played anyhow.

- The one thing I have seen that gets the most reaction at school is to puke
in the cafeteria. The food always sucks there, but it's usually not bad enough
to make you puke, so do this:
Outside the cafeteria, you and a friend (it's more convincing when 2 do it at
once) eat SO MUCH LUNCH that you are both about to ralph. Now, go into the 
cafeteria and order a lot of food, and eat it until you throw up. You will
honestly be able to say it was the food, and may get the rest of the day off!
You will also make everyone in the cafeteria swear never to eat there again.

- Write "for a good time call.." on the can wall, and include your principal's
phone number.

- Running out of paper for your printer? Don't pay department store prices; rip
off a few inches (thick) from the computer room!

- In the can throw all the paper towels into the garbage, along with the soap.
Try to flush all the toilet paper down the toilet. You won't be able to; it
will back up the toilet and water and shit will spill all over the floor. It is
best to take a BIG shit in the toilet first.

- Do not flush the toilet when you shit.

- Krazy Glue the door of the school bus(es) shut. Do other car tricks and
Krazy Glue tricks to it as well.


Well, that looks like another file for now. Stay tuned for PRANKS 6!


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                      Pranks, Revenge, and General Mayhem

                                    PART SIX

                            By THE FIXER (who else?)



In this phile we will deal with fewer pranks than in previous philes, but
they will be more complicated and will require more detailed instructions.


A NIFTY WAY TO CONFUSE THE HELL OUT OF SOMEONE:

Record your enemy's favorite radio station for a few hours. Then, one day,
while he is listening to it, attach the output of a tape recorder to the mike
input of a FM wireless bug (or AM if you recorded an AM station). Plans for
these devices can be found in excellent text files elsewhere. Anyways, get well
within the bug's transmission range of the victim's house. Place the recording
you made into the tape deck, and (with the bug hooked up) leave it running in
a bush or something near the geek's house, for a few hours. When they announce
the time, or put on a show that is scheduled for a different time than when 
the tape is playing, the sucker will wonder what the hell is going on!!!
CAVEATS: If the guy's radio is hooked up to cablevision then it will not work,
         unless you are brazen enough to climb up the guy's wall and attach the
         RF output of the bug to his cable line.
         And, for chrissakes, don't do this if it's raining or some retarded
         time like that when your equipment is likely to get totalled by the
         elements!
         Also, ya gotta make sure that the bug is WELL within range of his
         receiving antenna, or that you use a powerful bug, coz if he hears
         his station and your bug goin' at once, he will get suspicious.



HOW TO FREAK OUT KIDS AND THEIR PARENTS:

     You know how sometimes kids will hang a rope from a tree and tie knots
or a tire into it, to swing on? Well, if they do this in a park, or in their
front yard (if they live on a street that is REALLY dark at night), or ANYWHERE
that you can get access to it without being seen, you can pull this very simple
gag:  Take a *SHARP* knife with you, and cut off any tires, or other things
that may be dangling from the rope. Make sure to leave as much rope as
possible. Now, untie any knots that may be in the rope, and straighten the rope
out nice. Now, there should just be a plain rope dangling from a tree.
Tie a noose into it.
If you want you can "hang" a doll, or a neighbour's cat or something from it.
I find just a plain noose to be suitably enigmatic and terror-striking,
though.
Make sure the noose is at JUST the right height to hang someone from, too, the
added realism will only enhance the effect!



SLASHED GARBAGE BAGS REVISITED:

     In another phile by another sadist, it was suggested that you should 
slash the bottoms of any garbage bags you may find on the curb of a given 
street. Well, if the bags are sitting on concrete or pavement, then you can do
a few other nifty things too. Like Epoxy the bags to the ground. This has the
effect of the bags getting ripped to shit as soon as someone tries to pick the
bag up with any force (which the average Joe Garbageman will do). Also, you
could Krazy Glue a whole bunch of garbage bags together, so when one is picked
up, all the others (try to) follow!
Another potentially hilarious idea is to include a few bags of your own with
your victim's garbage. I am sure that you can think of some suitably
embarrassing items to have fall out of a slashed garbage bag...



VANDALIZING BANK MACHINES:

    If you ever get ripped off by a bank machine, there are many ways in which
you can exact INSTANT revenge upon that financial institution:
First, make sure the machine you are about to toast is not being watched by 
video cameras. If it is, go to another machine of the same bank that isn't.
Now, do the following:

        - If the supply of deposit envelopes is out in public view, take them
          all and dump them in the nearest trash can (not the one next to the
          machine, though...)
        - If the machine has typewriter-style buttons in its keypad, sand
          off the painted-on numbers and other figures. If it is a membrane
          keyboard (like a Merlin game or Timex 1000 micro) then take an X-acto
          knife and cut out the top layer of the keypad's membrane, with the
          numbers on them. Throw these in the garbage. Now there is no telling
          which key does what!
        - Spraypaint BLACK over the CRT or plasma monitor.
        - Krazy Glue the money-output door and the deposit-input slot door
          SHUT. Not only will this prevent further transactions, but it will
          almost surely cause machanical breakdowns as the innards of the
          machine try to strain against the Krazy Glue (2000 lbs per square 
          inch!!!)
        - If you ever get a hold of a "lost" bank machine card and figure out
          its password (don't ask me how), then DON'T stop at merely 
          withdrawing the entire account. Most bank machine systems are stupid:
          The Royal Bank, f'rinstance, will instantly credit your account as 
          you make a deposit, and you can access these phunds! It has no idea
          what is really (or not) inside the envelope you deposit. So, you 
          "deposit" whatever the daily deposit limit is, and then you can 
          promptly CASH WITHDRAW the daily withdrawal limit! This gets the
          cardholder in a lot of trouble if he has not yet reported the card
          lost! (if he has it won't work)



NUKE THE PROTESTORS!!!


     There are many ways in which you can put these self-righteous cunts in
their place! 

     - Have custom bumper stickers made up reading "I am a Commie Pinko Rat",
       and place these squarely on the rear bumpers of the cars of known
       pinkoes.
     - Break up a "peace march" with spray-cans of "fart spray" or other 
       similarly foul-smelling stuff. Or, alternatively, you can use smoke
       bombs or tear gas like Real riot squads! (EXCELLENT philes abound on
       the home manufacture of these substances)
     - Go to a demonstration, and, wearing a ski mask so no-one recognizes you,
       proudly wave the Soviet flag. The news media eat this sort of thing
       for breakfast!
     - Send in a subscription card from Hustler magazine with the name and
       address of your favorite porno-store bomber! Make sure to indicate "Bill
       Me." on the card!
     - Send bomb threats to Women Against Pornography, Pro-life, Pro-choice,
       Disarmament types, the Communist Party, etcetera. This is also good to
       to with the 800 numbers of live bible-bangers shows. I once phoned up
       one of these and promptly told them to fuck off, and hung up (they had
       just announced that my favorite rock band was possessed by Satan).
     - If you are mad enough to B&E the office of a protest group, have a 
       field day! Steal anything of value or just throw it in the river. If you
       see any important-looking papers, steal these and burn 'em later. Or 
       better yet, carefully MODIFY them, and thereby sabotage the entire 
       operations of that group. This is also great for small businesses too,
       but they are more likely to have some sort of burglar alarm.






Well, that's yet another phile of sadistic pleasure for now. Watch for
MORE KRAZY GLUE TRICKS coming soon in PRANKS 7!!
    
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                
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                      Pranks, Revenge, and General Mayhem

                                    PART SEVEN

                                  By THE FIXER

                   Today's lesson: MORE KRAZY GLUE TRICKS!!!




Well, you couldn't get enough of those demonic Krazy Glue stunts of Pranks 1
and 3, and so here it is: Pranks 7, More Krazy Glue tricks!
I trust you will find these every bit as useful and evil as the ones before 
them!


Before I begin, though, a good idea is to memorize all my pranks files, and all
the other anarchy files you may read, so that you know all of the tricks by
heart and can plot a course of revenge for any situation. Arm yourself with
Krazy Glue, sandpaper, an X-acto knife, and a banana, and you are ready to set
up shop in your own little underground business. If someone wants someone
fucked over, they come to you, tell you their problem, and you come up with a 
suitable course of action. Charge a certain amount for a given task, so, say, 
five bucks for a simple well-placed drop of Krazy Glue, twenty to completely 
Krazy Glue a car shut! You could make a fair bit of money just for knowing
lots of ways to help your buddies by fucking up their enemies!

Anyway, on with the Krazy Glue Tricks!


- Ever resent that high-school teacher who always brings a cup of coffee to
  class, while you may not? Well, see how he enjoys his Sanka with the cup
  Krazy Glued to his desk!!!

- Go into a drugstore and make those pill bottles REALLY child-proof by 
  Krazy Gluing the lids on.

- More on Dead Disk Drives:
  Remember the Krazy-Glued disk (can't rotate)? Or the sandpaper disk (ends
  heads)? Well, here's how you can combine the best features of those 2 tricks:
  Take a dead diskette. Place a few drops of Krazy Glue on the disk surface, 
  allow to completely harden. Rotate the disk about 30 degrees or so until the
  hard drops are out of the way. Place more drops on the disk, let harden, 
  rotate again. Continue until you have gone all the way arouund the disk.
  Now, rotate the disk so that no drops are visible. Now, someone expecting a
  sandpaper diskette will find nothing, and will merrily place this mystery
  diskette in the drive (remember to plant it next to a school or enemy 
  computer, with a label saying "new wares-do not give out"), and the bumps on
  the disk will destroy the head. They say a grain of salt can destroy a head;
  can you imagine what many lumps 2mm high of one of the world's hardest
  plastics will do????????

- In your local library, do the following:
    Krazy Glue microfiche into fiche readers.
    Krazy Glue other microfiche into whatever sleeves or slots they rest in.
    Krazy Glue card catalog drawers SHUT.
    If there are Computer catalog terminals, Krazy Glue the brightness knobs
      to MINIMUM. Apply other terminal-related Krazy Glue Tricks, as well.
    Krazy Glue the photocopier's canopy down.
    Krazy Glue books to shelves.
    Krazy Glue pornographic pictures into the pages of children's books,
      religious books, and any books you HATE.
    

- See how badly you can make a record skip with hardened Krazy Glue on its 
  surface.

- Similarly, see how efficient a CD is that way.

- In winter, Krazy Glue the chains on an enemy's car to his tires. He won't
  notice until it's time to take them off!!!

- In church: Krazy Glue the pulpit mike gain on MAX, so there is LOTS of 
  feedback and the sermon is ruined!

- Restaurants: Krazy Glue salt, pepper, and sugar shakers to the table.

- Krazy Glue their lids on so they cannot be re-filled.

- Plug up the holes in salt & pepper shakers with Krazy Glue.

- Krazy Glue the waitress' tip onto the table.

- Go into the can of a restaurant. If there is a rubber dispenser then jam it
  up good with Krazy Glue.

- How to fry a printer motor: Krazy Glue the Print Head into any given 
  position. Also fun to Krazy Glue the ribbon in place. And the paper feed.

- Krazy Gluing cereal boxes and other supermarket items to the shelf is always
  fun, but taking an x-acto knife and cutting the bottoms out of these is even
  more so.

- If you find a bank machine card and are too chicken to try and take money
  out of the guy's account, then at least put a drop or 2 of Krazy Glue onto
  the magnetic stripe before putting it in the bank's mail slot, so that 
  (a) the machine can't read it, and
  (b) the machine's read head gets fried.

- This brings me to another trick (non-Krazy Glue...). Remember the Sandpaper
  diskette? Attach a piece of sandpaper to a dead credit card, bank card,
  or other type of machine-read card. Then try inserting it in a bank machine.
  Naturally the machine can't read the card, and if you do this a few times,
  soon the machine won't be able to read anything!!

- NEXT TIME YOUR DAD TRIES TO MAKE YOU  MOW THE LAWN, wouldn't it be a shame
  if the lawnmower won't start? Krazy Gluing several strategic places can cause
  just such an occurrence...
  Try spark plug tips, the pull cable, the wheel axles, the blade axle, and
  many other neato spots!







Well, I have gone over 200 (40-col) lines now, so it looks like that's another
phile. Thanx to the Locksmith and Clone Master for being truly sick-minded
people. PRANKS 8 is coming soon, but I got no idea what's gonna be on it.
Probably not Krazy Glue tricks.
     
                                                                       
                                                                       
                                                                        
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          The Following File is a ...

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                              The Fixer presents...

                    PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM, VOL. 8


This File: School Phun 4, aka "College Phun!!!!"

Thanxz to the Locksmith and other MegaDeath members for various ideas and
input. 

Well, here it is, the First ever COLLEGE PHUN tutorial!
Here we discuss institutional hell-raising on a post-secondary level for those
who for whatever reason do not belong to a frat (the normal, respected source
of activities of this nature). 


--------====================(((((((########)))))))====================--------



- Let's start with "Computing Services". One of the neatest places you can piss
  people off is in the terminal room of your local U. The Classic Krazy Glue in
  the keyboards goes over well, and so does Krazy Gluing the Terminal 
  brightness knobs on minimum (which means OFF). Another neato is to remove 
  the "anti-glare" coating from monitor screens. If there is necessary terminal  documentation poste near terminals, remove them; it confuses the hell out of
  moronic first year students.
  Still more fun? Put a big slash in the big huge wide ribbon of that line
  printer; it will wear out and break shortly, but while you are not around.
  Go to the paper stack behind the printer and rubber-stamp whatever you want
  on every sheet in the stack, like "the lab instructor is a known faggot" or
  something to that effect. Better yet, steal a BOX of paper, and have this 
  sort of thing offset printed onto EVERY sheet in the 4000 in the box.
  Ah, yes, back to the terminals. Have you ever noticed the "SETUP" key on
  VT-100 and VT-220 terminals? You can have endless phun with these guys; make
  the screen 132 columns so it looks really retarded, or make it 
  black-on-white text, or both. Enable a foreign character set, too. For REAL
  laughs, change the baud rate of the terminal. Most terminals support MANY
  different baud rates; from 50 up to 19200. Usually a terminal will be set by
  university techs to 9600 baud; change it to 50 baud. Change ALL the terminals
  to 50 baud; 1st year geeks especially will wonder why the computer is so damn
  slow!!!
  Alternatively, leave the "receive" speed at 9600 baud so the computer's
  output looks normal enough, but set only the "transmit" speed to 50. The 
  terminal will not be able to keep up with good typists at this speed, and 
  will cause *MANY* dropped characters.
  Another interesting thing to do to terminals is plug up the vent slots with
  bubble gum, Krazy Glue, or whatever, and see how fast the terminal melts 
  itself from overheat.
  Lastly, hacking user accounts is always fun. How to do this is another story
  for another file, but WHAT to do when you get there is almost unlimited. Do
  things like send pornographic email to all the female students (and faculty!)
  or make "minor" changes to the docs that accompany student programs...like
  have them say what a wank head the prof is or what a gay assignment that was
  or whatever. Using up a whole lot of other people's computer time is also a 
  gas. Get online to some moron's account, and dial out to decent pirate boards
  nationwide. Take a whole lot of files at 12 or even 2400 baud and print them
  up on the hi-speed line printer. That's how to get a whole lot of files,
  really quick and free.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



- The Library, ah yes, the Library, probably the favorite college prankster's
  grounds. God, the things you can fuck up here...
  Let's start with stacks of books. If you see a study carrel with a mess of
  someone's belongings in it, place a library book in the middle of his/her/its
  texts so he/she/it doesn't notice. If your library has electronic theft
  detection (and what library doesn't?) then the sucker will get beeped at by
  the alarm and get into a whole mess of trouble.
  Rearranging the card catalog into a random order has always been a favorite,
  and it still gets great results (Russian Poetry in the middle of all the
  Nuclear Physics cards???)
  Also, taking cards out, and re-typing them with phony info about its Dewey
  number or Library of Congress number, is always fun. Replace the cards, of
  course, but only the re-typed ones. Also, change the dates of old books to 
  this year; people will expect a nice new easy-to-read book and will get
  beat-up falling-apart old heaps of shit. Or, you can "help" make new books 
  older very quickly...
  Back to study carrels. Place water on these, so papers get wet and ink runs.
  Or syrup, the stickiness will drive people NUTS. Take a knife and create
  various trenches and pits in the surface of these, so that it is impossible
  to draw a straight line against them.
  
  HOW TO STEAL BOOKS: 
  OK, you know those damn electronic theft detectors I mentioned? Well, they
  only have those at the door, so what you do is open a window, and throw
  whatever books you want outside, with an accomplice out there to help catch
  them so you don't fuck them up or leave a suspicious-looking pile of books
  lying outside. It's best to do this after dark, for two reasons: (a) Because
  at later hours there are fewer library attendants to catch you in the act,
  and (b) so that your accomplice is not flagrantly obvious in broad daylight
  as he catches books falling from the sky...

                                       
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::::::::::::Heart of Gold 604-658-1581::The Pipeline 604-479-2905::::::::::::::
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                              The Fixer presents...


                 PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM VOLUME NINE

                  Within this tome: REVENGE FOR EVERY OCCASION


This time we concentrate upon revenge, and what tactics best suit the
circumstance.

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AUTOMOTIVE REVENGE:

You have been ripped off by a mechanic: the problem in your car that he
supposedly fixed has come back, after only a short while, and he won't cover it
by warranty.
Solution: Between the hours of 4 and 6 AM, "install" a similar fault into his
own car. If it's the transmission, drain all his fluid. If it's the radiator,
punch a nice big hole in it. If it's gaskets, apply acid to these so that HIS
will fail too. If it's electrical, introduce a few nice shorts in the area that
didn't work on your car. Be creative but be discreet! After all, his car is
parked right outside his own house!



You have noticed that the gasoline from one particular station or chain is
causing a lot of knocking or blue smoke or other problems (maybe that's why
you went to the above asshole mechanic). You can no longer stand it when you
notice that old people are passing you on the freeway at 35 mph! Only one thing
to do here: get back at that gas station/chain!
Ways to do this:
 - Place DIRTY motor oil in the windshield washer buckets.
 - LATE at night when the station is closed, put a few kilos of laundry
   detergent, sulfuric nitric or hydrochloric acid, sugar or other substance
   in the underground holding tanks.
 - LATE at night, run a hose from the nearest water tap (every gas station has
   one) to an underground gas holding tank. Turn it on and leave, letting water
   run ALL NIGHT. In the morning there will be water and gas everywhere, and 
   the gas remaining in the tank will be unsaleable.
 - Use Krazy Glue to sabotage gas pumps.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE COIN-OP RIPOFF:

Everyone gets pissed when a coin operated machine takes their money and fails
to deliver the goods. Here are ways in which you can get back at the morons who
own these machines and refuse to keep them in some sort of working order.


 - Take a piece of paper, about 4" x 4", fold until it is the thickness of the
   coin slot, place this in the coin slot, force it down out of sight with a
   pocket knife, and chase it with a few drops of Krazy Glue. Result is that
   the vending company needs a new coin assembly for the machine.
 - If you can get large amounts of Krazy Glue, place a lot of it down the coin
   slot by itself. It will (a) freeze the coin  mechanism and (b) glue the
   contents of the coin box together.
 - If the machine is one of a bank of several machines, get several pieces
   of paper. Write "OUT OF ORDER" on all of them, and fix them to each of the
   machines in the row, whether or not they are working. Result: no more
   business. If you REALLY carry a grudge, you can always place such a sign on
   EVERY machine owned by the offending company. ESPECIALLY effective in an
   arcade when you label 40 or 50 machines OUT OF ORDER. If you really get into
   this practice just for the fun of it, get some letraset and make up a 
   professional-looking OUT OF ORDER sign, complete with a logo of the company
   you seek to avenge. Make 1.5 million copies of this and have a ball.
 - If you are ripped off by a pay-phone, call the operator and pretend you are
   retarded. Ask a lot of questions about why the phone ate your coin and you
   couldn't make a call, and take FOREVER. And when the operator tries to 
   answer, don't understand. Take about 15 minutes of a Bell employee's (paid)
   time and you will have cost the phone company way more than their ripoff
   payphone ever took from you.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RESTAURANT REVENGE:

Well, the food sucked. That's a good enough reason to want to exact revenge
upon these evil establishments. There are only a few things you can get away
with, but they are good.

 - Vomit. Right there at your table, as loudly as you can. Stick your finger 
   down your throat if necessary, but make sure that by the time you have
   emptied your stomach, there is a great pool of puke on the floor and
   everyone in the entire place is looking at you. This will bring about many
   apologies from the staff of the place, and gross a few patrons out enough
   that some may make a point of never returning. Hell, if the food's bad
   enough, you may even get applauded by the patrons!
 - Surreptitiously place various "ingredients" on salad bar/buffet items.
   Tabasco sauce in the thousand island dressing will do WONDERS for the
   place's reputation.
 - If you REALLY are brave and have a lot of time to burn, get hired as a
   waiter for that place. When serving people, use a BAD attitude, and when
   people ask you why you are so rude, mumble something about the place's
   "employee training program". Or, say that you can't stand to work for such
   a sleazy operation, and that you will be quitting soon. Make up a few 
   horror stories about what goes on in the kitchen. Sure you will get fired,
   but you will have succeeded in damaging the place's rep. This is a HIGHLY
   ADVANCED revenge technique, only use it if you are a good actor and hold a
   real grudge.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCHOOL REVENGE:


What do teachers and principals do that would warrant revenge?
LOTS.
They impose unrealistic deadlines for assignments, they militantly enforce
preposterous rules and impose punishments that are repugnant to your freedom
and dignity. Despite the fact that your parents are paying their salaries, they
look down on you as the lowest scum on earth. What can you do? PLENTY. Read on.

 - Teachers seem to be obsessed with their careers. Therefore, there is no
   better way of freaking out a teacher than to have his employment
   threatened. What you can do is send the principal a letter. Allege that the
   target teacher is a sex offender. There have been so many of these lately
   that an investigation WILL result if you make the letter convincing enough.
   Make it anonymous, because you "couldn't face your parents or peers after
   what you have been subjected to". Make sure the letter is handwritten by a
   girl accomplice if you are a male; at the high-school age it is not
   difficult to tell a girl's handwriting from a guy's.
   In any case, the teacher will have the freakiest period of his career as
   he is inquisited.
 - If the target is a REAL tyrant, and you know many people who agree, then
   you may have an actual case against the person. Have everyone in every one
   of the target's classes sign a petition demanding the end of the idiot's
   reign of terror. Despite the fact that you would never rat on a friend,
   teachers expect you to tell on other students, so give them a taste of their
   own preaching (????).
 - Schools often expect you to sit through idiotic presentations on drinking
   and driving, smoking, drugs, why you should go to church, ad nausaeum. While
   these may be beneficial to some idiots, your intelligence is insulted by
   these suckholes-in-action. What do you do? Well, you can sabotage any
   audio-visual equipment that may be used in the presentation beforehand. If
   the presentation is being given by an outside group, e.g. the police or
   MADD, then what you can do is, the day before the presentation, have an
   older, respectable-sounding accomplice phone the agency and "cancel" it,
   posing as the principal. They will want to know why and when it can be
   re-scheduled to, so have some excuses handy.

Enough about the teachers and administration. What about your fellow students,
not all of whom are your best friends (heh heh heh heh)??? They can be royal
pains in the ass too. Some will nark on you, others will beat you up, still
others will try to rip you off or make you look like an idiot. What can you do
about these moronotrons?

 - If you have been narked on continuously, get the fink back with the
   following method: (1) After school, after the geke has left, plant some
   weed or porno magazines or other contraband in the geke's locker.
   (2) The next morning, right around the first bell, phone the school and tell
   them there is a time bomb in one of the lockers. Don't laugh or giggle, they
   will know if you are full of shit. Anyways, there will immediately be a
   search of ALL lockers, and when Mr Dickhead's locker is looked at, he will
   have a LOT of explaining to do...
 - If you are intimidated by a bully or gang at school, place small bombs in
   their lockers, activated by a switch that is closed when the locker opens...
   At first this will only make them mad but if you do it enough times, you
   are guaranteed to turn the tables of terror on them.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WARRANTY FAILURE REVENGE:

OK, you have bought a product and either it blew up ONE day after the warranty
expired or it developed a problem not covered by the warranty. In either case
you are screwed while the assholes that sold you the piece of shit laugh all
the way to the bank. What contingencies exist for this quandry?

 - If you bought it from a store, the appropriate thing to do is give the store
   a whole lot of warranty returns. This involves subtly sabotaging shelf
   stock, with Krazy Glue, a pocket knife, or whatever tools are on hand. Make
   sure that the damage you is internal or not noticeable so that someone buys
   the thing. Do this to many units of the same item, and all throughout the 
   store. The returns department (the one that screwed you around in the first
   place) will have a nightmare.
 - Another tactic is to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper.
   Explain to the public what happened and why you will never give that store
   your business again. This will cost you nothing, and the paper will most
   likely print it. This is perfectly legal, and as long as you tell the truth,
   you cannot be sued for defamation of character or libel.
 - If you got the heap of shit from a mail-order fly-by-nite outfit, then there
   is no way you can sabotage their stock, and a letter in the local paper
   won't do much to them if they are an out of town place. So you screw them
   through their main marketing medium: the mail! If you have read the articles
   on credit card fraud, you will already be prepared for this next technique:
   Using a phony credit card number (or a stolen one) order a whole lot of
   things by phone, all in separate orders, and all to different NON-EXISTENT
   ADDRESSES. Keep this up for awhile and they will surely go bonkers over all
   the "Returned to Sender" packages they get.
 - Alternatively, if you are a phreak, pick THEIR 800 number to hack the
   wats extender from.
 - Or get a bunch of friends together and tie up their 800 lines with phony
   orders (using "carding" techniques of course).
 - Send the company a few letters saying how well their company has gone over
   in the Gay Community in your area, and to expect lots of orders and 
   endorsements (hee hee hee hee) from your fellow gays and the following 
   Gay Pride groups (list a few from the San Francisco yellow pages...). Or, if
   you don't think fags will be repulsive enough to Ripoff Mail Order Inc.,
   then send a similar letter from the Nazis or the Ku Klux Klan or the
   Communist party, along the same lines. If you decide to send several to the
   same place at the same time, make sure the cities in the return address are
   all different.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that pretty much brings to a close this installment of the Pranks series.
Watch for Pranks TEN coming soon!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                             FXR!
                                                   
                                                                        
----------====================((((((#######))))))====================----------


                      *********** ****     **** **********
                                     *** ***             ***
                      ***********      ***      **********
                      ***            *** ***    ***      ***
                      ***         ****     **** ***      ***


       The Phollowing is another Phine Phile oph Phacts Phrom the Phixer.


----------====================((((((#######))))))====================----------

                              The Fixer presents...


           PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM: VOLUME -=*> TEN <*=-

         This issue: Framing your enemies - An Effective Revenge Tactic



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, in the past I have dealt with framing people in a very small way, e.g.
planting weed in your neighbor's garden, placing drugs or liquor in a buddy's
locker, etcetera.  When someone narcs on you, the best revenge is always to
use the system to which they suck up to, against them and for your own benefit.
Therefore this file will detail some advanced ways to get someone into all the
trouble they deserve, and without implicating you!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HIGH-TECH VOICE & AD FRAME JOBS:

Did you ever see the movie "Used Cars"? Where the used car lot is almost shut
down in court because a guy hired by the lot across the street modified a TV
commercial (thru ingenious splicing) so that it contained many obvious lies,
thus making people complain of false advertising?  Well, there are several
different levels on which YOU can do this.
First, the easiest.  Put an ad in the paper with an enemy company's logo and
phone number, so that it looks just like one of their ads.  But use slightly
different text than they do. Make sure to blatantly slander their competition
(yourself, maybe?) so that there is NO WAY that they could "get away with" the
ad. Make sure that you know the name of the target company's ad person in case
the newspaper asks. Also, if they ask for a phone number, don't give them your
number or the target company's. Give them a Loop (consult BIOC 003's files for
instruction on how to use these).

Now, the slightly harder one.
This is basically the same technique used in "Used Cars", only it's for a 
Radio commercial instead. What you do is, using a HIGH QUALITY radio receiver
and tape recorder, record a new ad played over the radio.  The recording has
got to be STUDIO QUALITY so use either the most expensive cassettes you can
get, or better yet, use a reel to reel machine. Also, make sure there is NO 
radio noise on the recording. Now, simply find a word in the pitch that would
be slanderous or a preposterous claim if only ONE syllable were taken out.
In "Used Cars" they changed "SMILES" to "MILES" and almost got them for
claiming to have "MILES of cars" which they did not. With a little creativity
and a sharp ear you too can find something damaging deep within ANY commercial.
Now, once the tape is modified thru creative splicing (and make sure that it
sounds natural, for chrissakes), take the tape to a radio station that is not
playing the ad. Have the bill for advertising sent to the target company (of
course). After awhile, the competition of the target company will be taking the
target to court over false advertising, or a disgruntled customer perhaps.

The Toughie:
Here's one that requires GOOD sound digitizing equipment (like, one of the
new-generation 32-bit micros with LOTS of memory and special
speech-digitization hardware. (Get a REAL computer.  Get a Mac ][.))
You tape-record the voice of an enemy or of a local radio announcer until you
have a large amount of high-quality speech.  Now, you use your digitizer to
extract and digitize a whole array of speech phonemes, in various inflections.
If the digitizer is good, you will be able to capture speech that is
indistinguishable from the original. Now, use these phonemes to create whatever
text YOU want your enemy or your target's commercial to say. If your target is
a person, publicly broadcast (thru a PA system or whatever) incriminating
conversations in the guy's voice.  If the target is a company, then submit your
new-improved commercial to a radio station as detailed above.

Toughest, but easy for those with the hardware:
If you can get access to the abovementioned digitizing computer, and to 
3/4 inch video recording equipment (or better, but NOT VHS, BETA, or 8MM), you
can also modify some television commercials. Just capture a commercial on the
3/4 inch video, modify its sound track as detailed above, and send it to a
TV station that isn't playing the commercial. There are restrictions though:
The commercial must be of the type that has an announcer and/or music in the
background with no lips moving on the part of the person who is talking.


In the above tactics, it is also important to have a voice-remover box handy,
if there is music in the background. What you do is, digitize your recorded
phonemes, use the voice remover to produce a tape recording of the music alone,
'sans vox', and then dub-over your digitized "new" commercial. If you construct
the phonemes into words right, you should come up with a very authentic
sounding commercial, except that it is going to get "someone" in a whole mess
of trouble.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A POSSIBILITY:

If there was still a Draft, a possible tactic would be to check your target's
mailbox every morning before he does, and if a letter from the U.S. Army ever
came, to run off with his Draft notice.
As a Canadian, I am not sure of the time span involved in waiting for the
consequences (we have no Draft here) but it seems to me that this trick would
eventually produce MP's at the front door of said target. This is just a
thought for my American readers.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A CASE STUDY IN ANTI-FRAMING REVENGE:

When I was in grade 8, I was in this boarding school (only I didn't board there
because it was in my hometown). Well, there was this mega-nerd from Seattle
there who hated my guts. So one day, I find myself sitting in the Dean's office
accused of mugging this idiot downtown on the weekend. Well, the geek's frame
job was so shoddy that it took me about 5 minutes to convince the Dean that the
idiot was fucking the Dean and me around. So, I was scot-free and the geek was
never trusted again. That is what I took advantage of: The very next day, I
saw him downtown and beat the living crap out of him in the street. Naturally
he went narking to the Dean again, but this time he just got an instant "Bull
Shit" from the Dean. 
You see, when someone tries to frame you for personal damage, if you manage
to convince the authorities that you are innocent, consider yourself free to
actually do whatever it is you are framed for, because the next time, your
framer will be called the boy-who-cried-wolf. No one takes an exposed framer
seriously. (So be careful!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Call........

TOMMY'S HOLIDAY CAMP BBS: 604-595-0085
THE NEUTRAL ZONE 10 MEGS: 604-478-1363
B.C. TEL PHONE MART GBBS: 604-658-1586
THE METAL A.E. P/W: KILL: 201-879-6668

                                
                                                                        
                                                                        
----------====================((((((#######))))))====================----------


                      *********** ****     **** **********
                                     *** ***             ***
                      ***********      ***      **********
                      ***            *** ***    ***      ***
                      ***         ****     **** ***      ***


       The Phollowing is another Phine Phile of Phacts Phrom the Fixer.


----------====================((((((#######))))))====================----------

                              The Fixer presents...


              PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM: VOLUME ELEVEN

                   This lesson: Destroying an Apple!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In previous articles I have written many techniques for revenge through
sabotage. In addition to my thousands of Krazy Glue Tricks (only a few of which
have actually been posted in files), I have devised a great many sabotage
techniques for animate and inanimate objects. However, these were generally
rather basic due to a desire to fit as many into one file as possible. Now,
those days are over as I write larger, more helpful files. So, then, here is
Pranks 11: Advanced Sabotage 1 - How to Destroy an Apple Computer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOW TO BLOW UP AN APPLE COMPUTER:

Anyone can blow up anything with a stick of dynamite and a fuse or det-box.
But what we have here is the most exquisite way known to destroy an Apple
computer. The reason I picked Apple is NOT just because I hate them, but
because they are very easy to get inside of, and there is lots of room inside
for a bomb or whatever. This tactic will actually work for any machine, but
if you don't want to turn the machine upside down and unscrew 
god-knows-how-many-screws, wasting time that you probably don't have, then use
an Apple.

Anyways, down to it. Make a bomb with an electrical igniter that lights when
6 volts are applied to it. Smoke bombs are great for computers; they quite
nicely fuck up a computer's board and make the machine smoke like hell too.
The effect is great, especially if you pick either a brand-new (never used)
machine or one that has had many hardware problems in the past. Now, attach the
igniter leads to the switched +12 supply and ground. Close the computer. As 
soon as the machine is turned on, its doom is sealed as the bomb ignites. It
may even let out its initial BEEP before its ROMs get melted.
If you are really destructive, go to high school, and don't mind your school
not having any computer science department anymore, then this may be for you:
    If all the machines in the school's computer room are connected to a master
switch, and all go on when the switch is thrown, then it would be a tremendous
coup if you could (at a time when the machines are off) plant a smoke bomb or
other bomb in EACH machine. 
    Oh, here's a good one: if you can find or make an electrical igniter that
will go off with the current from the Annunciator output of the Apple, then
you have the potential to create some really professional havoc. Simply
attach the bomb to an annunciator line and ground, and then leave a disk lying
around that says "Great New Wares" on it. This is a great follow-up to my
infamous sandpaper diskette. What the disk contains is, a whole bunch of really
big files (the magic of sector editors) with the name a new ware on them, and a
2 sector one named HELLO. After perusing the catalog, the sucker will naturally
boot up the ware. HELLO will then boot up what appears to be a nice crack
screen, with the warning that if a certain peripheral is hooked up, the system
will crash (name a peripheral that is plugged into the target machine). Give
JUST enough pause time that the guy at the machine can read it, then have the
annunciator to which you have attached your bomb activated, just as a text
message saying "PIRATE COPY ---- SYSTEM SUSPENDED" comes on the screen.
Immediately massive billowing clouds of smoke will pour out of the machine and
the guy will freak, telling stories of how such-and-such a protection scheme
can ACTUALLY SET THE MACHINE ON FIRE if you mess with it. (Only a r0dent would
actually believe such a thing, but the response you could elicit is well worth
the try).

If you can't find an igniter that will go off under the current from an 
annunciator, or if you are blowing up a different machine whose programmable
outputs of whatever type have very little current output, then wire up a relay
with the +12 supply or a battery that CAN do the job.


        +12 or battery

               I I
     +--------IIII-----+ 
     +         I I     + 
     +                 + 
     +                 + 
     +                 + 
     +--*              + 
        * ignitor      + 
     +--*              + 
     +       /         + 
     +      /          + 
     +------  O--------- 
         relay sw.

          @@@@@@@ relay coil
          +     +
          +     +
          +     +
         gnd.   annunciator


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



NOTE:  These techniques will work with superior computers such as the Timex
       Sinclair,  but the effect is not as good.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This file was written June 1987 by the Fixer, when he still had a Commodore.
Rumor has it he's wised up and is getting a //e in Jan.  It is a response to
"How to crash a Comodork BBS", one of which T.F. still happens to run...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call: 
TOMMY'S HOLIDAY CAMP 604-595-0085
BC TEL PHONE MART    604-658-1586
THE NEUTRAL ZONE     604-478-1363
HEART OF GOLD        604-658-1581
THE METAL AE         201-879-6668
DARQUESIDE AE        408-245-7726
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

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