        <: Just a little something from Curious George & The Reaper :>

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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=      HOW TO GO ABOUT MAKING AN H - BOMB       =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=        FACT OR FICTION? : YOU TELL ME         =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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THE HEART OF THE SUCCESSFUL H-BOMB IS THE SUCCESSFUL A-BOMB. ONCE YOU'VE GOT YOUR A-BOMBS MADE, THE T IS FROSTING ON THE CAKE.

1. GETTING THE INGREDIENTS.
     URANIUM IS THE BASIC INGREDIENT OF THE A-BOMB.  THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF URANIUM: THE RARE U-235,ED IN BOMBS, AND THE MORE COMMON, HEAVIER, BUT USELESS U-238.  NATURAL URANIUM CONTAINS LESS THAN  ECENT U-235, AND IN ORDER TO BE USABLE IN BOMBS IT
 HAS TO BE "ENRICHED" TO 90 PERCENT U-235.
     TEN POUNDS OF U-235 (OR SLIGHTLY LESS PLUTONIUM) IS ALL THAT IS NECESSARY FOR A BOMB.  IT IS INITELY EASIER TO STEAL READY-TO-USE, ENRICHED URANIUM OR PLUTONIUM THAN TO ENRICH SOME YOURSELF.
     IF STEALING URANIUM SEEMS TOO TACKY, YOU CAN BUY IT.  UNENRICHED URANIUM IS AVAILABLE AT ANY CHCAL SUPPLY HOUSE FOR $23 A POUND.  COMMERCIAL-GRADE (3 TO 20 PERCENT ENRICHED) IS AVAILABLE FOR $4  OUND FROM GULF ATOMIC.  YOU WILL HAVE TO ENRICH I
T FURTHER YOURSELF.  QUITE FRANKLY, THIS CAN BE SOMETHING OF A PAIN.  YOU'LL NEED TO START WITH A LIE MORE THAN 50 POUNDS OF COMMERCIAL GRADE URANIUM (IT'S ONLY 20 PERCENT U-235 AT BEST, AND YOU NEE 0POUNDS OF U-235, SO...) BUT, WITH A LITTLE KITCHE
N-TABLE CHEMISTRY YOU'LL BE ABLE TO CONVERT THE SOLID URANIUM OXIDE YOU'VE PURCHASED INTO A LIQUID F.  ONCE YOU'VE DONE THAT, YOU'LL BE READY TO SEPERATE THE U-235 YOU'LL NEED FROM THE U-238.
     FIRST, POUR A FEW GALLONS OF CONCENTRATED HYDROFLUORIC ACID INTO YOUR URANIUM OXIDE, CONVERTING TO URANIUM TETRAFLUORIDE (SAFETY NOTE: CONCENTRATED HYDROFLUORIC ACID IS SO CORROSIVE THAT IT WIL A ITS WAY THROUGH GLASS, SO STORE IT ONLY IN PLAST
IC.  USED TWO-GALLON MILK CONTAINERS WILL DO.) NOW YOU HAVE TO CONVERT YOUR URANIUM TETRAFLUORIDE TOANIUM HEXAFLUORIDE - THE GASEOUS FORM OF URANIUM, WHICH IS CONVENIENT FOR SEPERATING OUT THE ISOTOEU235 FROM U-238.
     TO GET THE HEXAFLUORIDE FORM, BUBBLE FLUORINE GAS INTO YOUR CONTAINER OF URANIUM TETRAFLUORIDE.LUORINE IS AVAILABLE IN PRESSURIZED TANKS FROM CHEMICAL-SUPPLY FIRMS.  BE CAREFUL HOW YOU USE IT, HUH, BECAUSE FLUORINE IS SEVERAL TIMES MORE DEADLY 
THAN CHLORINE, THE CLASSIC WORLD WAR I POISON GAS.  CHEMISTS RECOMMEND THAT YOU CARRY OUT THIS STEP ER A STOVE HOOD (THE KIND USED TO REMOVE UNPLEASANT COOKING ODORS).
     FIRST TRANSFORM THE GAS INTO A LIQUID BY SUBJECTING IT TO PRESSURE.  YOU CAN USE A BICYCLE PUMPR THIS.  THEN MAKE A SIMPLE HOME CENTRIFUGE: FILL A STANDARD-SIZE BUCKET ONE-QUARTER FULL OF LIQUI RNIUM HEXAFLUORIDE.  ATTACH A SIX-FOOT ROPE TO THE
 BUCKET HANDLE.  NOW SWING THE ROPE(AND ATTACHED BUCKET) AROUND YOUR HEAD AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.  KEEPIS UP FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES.  SLOW DOWN GRADUALLY, AND VERY GENTLY PUT THE BUCKET ON THE FLOOR.  TH -35, WHICH IS LIGHTER, WILL HAVE RISEN TO THE TOP,
 WHERE IT CAN BE SKIMMED OFF LIKE CREAM.
     REPEAT THIS STEP UNTIL YOU HAVE THE REQUIRED 10 POUNDS OF URANIUM.  (SAFETY NOTE: DON'T PUT ALLUR ENRICHED URANIUM HEXAFLUORIDE INTO ONE BUCKET.  USE AT LEAST TWO OR THREE BUCKETS AND KEEP THEMI EPERATE CORNERS OF THE ROOM.  THIS WILL PREVENT T
HE PREMATURE BUILDUP OF A CRITICAL MASS.)
     NOW IT'S TIME TO CONVERT YOUR ENRICHED URANIUM BACK TO METAL FORM.  THIS IS EASILY ENOUGH ACCOMSHED BY SPOONING SEVERAL LADLESFUL OF CALCIUM (AVAILABLE IN TABLET FORM FROM YOUR DRUGSTORE) INTO AHBUCKETFUL OF LIQUID URANIUM.  THE CALCIUM WILL RE
ACT WITH THE URANIUM HEXAFLUORIDE TO PRODUCE CALCIUM FLUORIDE, A COLORLESS SALT WHICH CAN BE EASILY ARATED FROM YOUR PURE, ENRICHED URANIUM METAL.
     A FEW PRECAUTIONS.  URANIUM IS NOT DANGEROUSLY RADIOACTIVE IN THE AMOUNTS YOU'LL BE HANDLING.  YOU PLAN TO MAKE MORE THAN ONE BOMB, IT MIGHT BE WISE TO WEAR GLOVES AND A LEAD APRON, THE KIND YO A BUY IN DENTAL SUPPLY STORES.  PLUTONIUM IS ONE O
F THE MOST TOXIC SUBSTANCES KNOWN.  IF INHALED, A THOUSANDTH OF A GRAM CAN CAUSE MASSIVE FIBROSIS OFE LUNGS, A PAINFUL WAY TO GO.  EVEN A MILLIONTH OF A GRAM IN THE LUNGS WILL CAUSE CANCER.  IF EATE,PUTONIUM IS METABOLIZED LIKE CALCIUM.  IT GOES STR
AIGHT TO THE BONES, WHERE IT GIVES OUT ALPHA PARTICLES, PREVENTING BONE MARROW FROM MANUFACTURING RELOOD CELLS.
     THE BEST WAY TO AVOID INHALING URANIUM IS TO HOLD YOUR BREATH WHILE HANDLING IT.  IF THIS IS TOIFFICULT, WEAR A MASK.  TO AVOID INGESTING PLUTONIUM ORALLY, FOLLOW THIS SIMPLE RULE: NEVER MAKE A -OMB ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.  IF YOU FOND YOURSELF DO
ZING OFF WHILE YOU'RE WORKING OR IF YOU BEGIN TO GLOW IN THE DARK, IT MIGHT BE WISE TO TAKE A BLOOD NT.

2.  STUFFING YOUR A-BOMB
     YOU WILL NOW HAVE THREE OR FOUR BOWLS OF URANIUM METAL.  KEEP THE BOWLS COVERED - YOU DON'T WANOUR SILVERY WHITE URANIUM TO TARNISH.  NOW TAKE ABOUT FIVE POUNDS OF THE URANIUM AND PACK IT INTO  EISPHERIC STEEL BOWL (A STAINLESS STEEL SALAD BOWL
 SHOULD DO).  URANIUM IS MALLEABLE - LIKE GOLD - SO YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE HAMMERING IT INTO THEWL TO GET A GOOD FIT.  TAKE ANOTHER FIVE-POUND HUNK OF URANIUM AND FIT IT INTO A SECOND STAINLESS-TE BOWL.
     THESE TWO BOWLS OF U-235 ARE THE "SUB-CRITICAL MASSES," WHICH WHEN BROUGHT TOGETHER FORCEFULLY L PROVIDE THE CRITICAL MASS THAT MAKES YOUR A-BOMB GO.  KEEP THEM A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE APART WHIL OKING, BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO "GO CRITICAL
" ON YOU...  AT LEAST NOT YET.
     NOW HOLLOW OUT THE BODY OF AN OLD VACUUM CLEANER AND PLACE YOUR TWO HEMISPHERICAL BOWLS INSIDE,EN ENDS FACING EACH OTHER, NO LESS THAN SEVEN INCHES APART, USING MASKING TAPE TO SET THEM IN POSIIN  THE REASON FOR STEEL BOWLS AND THE VACUUM CLEAN
ER, IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, IS THAT THEY HELP REFLECT NEUTRONS BACK INTO THE URANIUM FOR A MORE EFIENT EXPLOSION.  "A LOOSE NEUTRON IS A USELESS NEUTRON," AS THE A-BOMB PIONEERS USED TO SAY.
     AS FAR AS THE A-BOMB GOES, YOU'RE ALMOST DONE.  THE FINAL PROBLEM IS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TTWO U-235 HEMISPHERES TO SMASH INTO EACH OTHER WITH SUFFICIENT FORCE TO SET OFF A TRULY EFFECTIVE ISON REACTION.  ALMOST ANY TYPE OF EXPLOSIVE CAN BE
 USED TO DRIVE THEM TOGETHER.  GUNPOWDER, FOR EXAMPLE, IS EASILY MADE AT HOME FROM POTASSIUM NITRATEULFUR, AND CARBON.  OR YOU CAN GET SOME BLASTING CAPS OR TNT.  BEST OF ALL IS C4 PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE YU CAN MOLD IT AROUND YOUR BOWLS AND IT'S FAIRLY S
AFE TO WORK WITH (BUT IT MIGHT BE WISE TO SHAPE IT AROUND AN EXTRA SALAD BOWL IN ANOTHER ROOM AND THFIT IT TO YOUR STAINLESS STEEL BOWLS).  ONCE THE EXPLOSIVES ARE IN PLACE, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TOHO UP A SIMPLE DETONATION DEVICE WITH A FEW BATTERI
ES, A SWITCH, AND SOME WIRE.  REMEMBER, THOUGH IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT THE TWO CHARGES, ONE ON EACH SIDF THE CASING, GO OFF AT ONCE.
     NOW PUT THE WHOLE THING IN THE CASING OF AN OLD HOOVER VACUUM CLEANER, AND YOU'RE FINISHED WITHIS PART OF THE PROCESS.  THE REST IS EASY.
     A WORD TO THE WISE ABOUT WASTES: AFTER YOUR A-BOMB IS COMPLETED, YOU'LL HAVE A PILE OF MODERATEFATAL RADIOACTIVE WASTES LIKE U-238.  THESE ARE NOT DANGEROUS, BUT YOU DO HAVE TO GET RID OF THEM. O CAN FLUSH LEFTOVERS DOWN THE TOILET(DON'T WORRY 
ABOUT POLLUTING THE OCEAN; THERE IS ALREADY SO MUCH RADIOACTIVE WASTE THERE, A FEW MORE BUCKETFULS WT MAKE WAVES), OR IF YOU'RE THE MORE FASTIDIOUS TYPE - THE KIND WHO NEVER LEAVES GUM UNDER THEIR SA T MOVIES - YOU CAN SEAL THE NASTY STUFF IN COFFEE
 CANS AND BURY IT IN THE BACK YARD - JUST LIKE UNCLE SAM DOES.  IF THE NEIGHBORS' KIDS HAVE A HABIT TRAMPLING THE LAWN, TELL THEM TO PLAY OVER BY THE WASTE.  YOU'LL SOON FIND THAT THEY'RE SPENDING MS F THEIR TIME IN BED.
     MAKE THREE MORE A-BOMBS, FOLLOWING THE DIRECTION ABOVE.

3.  ASSEMBLING YOUR H-BOMB
     THE HEART OF THE H-BOMB IS THE FUSION PROCESS.  SEVERAL A-BOMBS ARE DETONATED
IN SUCH A WAY AS TO CREATE THE EXTREMELY HIGH TEMPERATURE (100 MILLION
DEGREES C.) NECESSARY TO FUSE LITHIUM DEUTERIDE (LID) INTO HELIUM.  WHEN THE
LITHIUM NUCLEUS SLAMS INTO THE DEUTERIUM NUCLEUS, TWO HELIUM NUCLEI
ARE CREATED, AND IF THIS HAPPENS TO ENOUGH DEUTERIUM NUCLEI RAPIDLY ENOUGH
THE RESULT IS AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF ENERGY, THE ENERGY OF THE H-BOMB.
 LITHIUM DEUTERIDE CAN BE PURCHASED FROM ANY CHEMICAL SUPPLY HOUSE.  IT COSTS $1,000 A POUND.  IF YOBUDGET WON'T ALLOW IT, YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE LITHIUM HYDRIDE AT $40 A POUND.  YOU WILL NEED AT LEAST 0 OUNDS: IT'S A CORROSIVE AND TOXIC POWDER, SO BE C
AREFUL.  PLACE THE LITHIUM DEUTERIDE OR HYDRIDE IN GLASS JARS AND SURROUND IT WITH FOUR A-BOMBS IN TR CASINGS.  ATTACH EACH ONE TO THE SAME DETONATOR SO THAT THEY WILL GO OFF SIMULTANEOUSLY.  THE COTIER FOR THE WHOLE THING IS NO PROBLEM.  THEY CAN B
E PLACED ANYWHERE (INSIDE AN OLD STEREO CONSOLE, A DISCARDED REFRIGERATOR, ETC.).  WHEN THE DETONATOETS OFF THE FOUR A-BOMBS, ALL EIGHT HEMISPHERES OF FISSIONABLE MATERIAL WILL SLAM INTO EACH OTHER,CETING FOUR CRITICAL MASSES AND FOUR DETONATIONS.  
THIS WILL RAISE THE TEMPERATURE OF THE LITHIUM DEUTERIDE TO 100 MILLION DEGREES C.  FAST ENOUGH (A FBILLIONTHS OF A SECOND) SO THAT THE LITHIUM WILL NOT BE BLOWN ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD BEFORE THENCEI HAVE TIME TO FUSE.  THE RESULT: AT LEAST 1,000
 TIMES THE PUNCH OF THE PUNY A-BOMB THAT LEVELED HIROSHIMA (20 MILLION TONS OF TNT VS.  20,000 TONS)4.  USING YOUR BOMB AT HOME
     MANY FAMILIES ARE ATTRACTED TO THE H-BOMB AS A DETERRENT.  A DISCREET STICKER ON THE DOOR OR ONE LIVING ROOM WINDOW SAYING "THIS HOME PROTECTED BY H-BOMB" WILL DISCOURAGE IRS INVESTIGATORS, CENU AKERS, AND JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES.  YOU'LL BE SURPRI
SED HOW FAST THE CRIME RATE GOES DOWN AND PROPERTY VALUES WILL GO UP.  AND, ONCE THE NEWS GETS OUT T YOU ARE A HOME H-BOMB OWNER YOU'LL FIND THAT YOU HAVE UNEXPECTED LEVERAGE IN NEIGHBORHOOD DISPUTE VR EVERYTHING FROM PARKING PLACES AND STEREO NOISE
 LEVELS TO SCHOOL-TAX RATES.

5.  OVERCOMING ANXIETY
     NAYSAYERS AND DOOM-MONGERS HAVE TRIED TO DISCREDIT EVERYTHING NUCLEAR, FROM ENERGY TO WAR.  THEAY RADIATION IS BAD FOR YOU.  EVERYTHING IS BAD FOR YOU IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH OF IT.  IF YOU EAT TO AY BANANAS, YOU'LL GET A STOMACHACHE.  IF YOU GET 
TOO MUCH SUN, YOU CAN GET SUNBURNED (OR EVEN GET SKIN CANCER.)
     SAME THING WITH RADIATION.  TOO MUCH MAY MAKE YOU FEEL UNDER THE WEATHER.  BUT IT MAY ALSO BRINNEXPECTED BENEFITS.  IT SPEEDS UP EVOLUTION BY WEEDING OUT UNWANTED GENETIC TYPES AND CREATING NEWOE.  (REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING, "TWO HEADS ARE BETTE
R THAN ONE.") NEARER HOME, IT'S PLAIN THAT RADIATION WILL GET RID OF PESKY CRABGRASS AND WEEDS, AND N-AGERS WILL FIND THAT BRIEF EXPOSURE TO A NUCLEAR BURST VAPORIZES ACNE AND OTHER SKIN BLEMISHES. MN SURVIVORS OF THE HIROSHIMA BOMB FOUND THEY WERE 
FREE FROM SKIN, AND ITS ATTENDANT PROBLEMS, FOREVER.

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