+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|                                                                           |
|                                                                           |
|                      Fun Stuff to do to a pizza joint                     |
|                                                                           |
|                                                                           |
|   by: PsychoFox                                        09/28/90  2:34am   |
|                                                                           |
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     Important:  This file was written by me for you so you could have
     The same fun I get to have when I'm bored.  This file is in no way
     linked with Satan, or other evil or mythological creatures.  This
     file originated on an IBM 80386SX 16mhz SVGA machine.  I thought
     I'd include that to piss off all you bonehead Apple (C) users.





Okay.  First, find your favorite pizza place.  It might as well be a delivery
joint, but I guess it makes no difference.  If you don't know the number, call
"Directory Assistance".


Alright.  The dork answers the fone.
HIM:   "Pizza Slut, may i help you?"
YOU:   "Yes, I'd like a large pizza, half onion, half mulch."
HIM    "Excuse me?"
You:   "I want a large pizza, half onion, half plain!"

When you have to repeat yourself, ALWAYS say something different.  Say it fast,
and in a sort of annoyed tone.  Don't act "bitchy" but make it sound genuine.

HIM:   "Okay sir, that'll be ready in 20 minutes. Your name?"
YOU:   "Thompson" (say it sorta fast, to make sure he asks:)
HIM:   "Could you spell that please?"
YOU:   "T-S-O-L"
HIM    "Excuse me?"
You:   "T-H-O-M-P-S-O-N!"

It is important to be able to spell the name quickly, so that when he asks the
2nd time, you can rattle it off like you were saying "Rat shit, bat shit, dirty
old twat, sixty nine assholes tied in a knot."  again, say it fast, with an
annoyed tone.

HIM:    May I take your order please?
You:    I'd like a pizza with phlegm balls and douche drippings.
HIM:    Excuse me?
You:    Large pizza, sausage and peppers!

-or-

Him:    May I help you?
You:    Yes I'd like a pizza with no cheese please.
Him:    I'm afraid we can't do that, sir.
You:    Well you'll just have to.
Him:    <pause>Uh....
You:    Well?
Him:    I'll have to ask the manager.
You:    No.  I don't have all day.  Either you'll do it or you won't.
Him:    Okay...I guess we can do it....but it'll cost you extra.
You:    That's okay.  My name is Smith, S-M-U-R-F.
Him:    Excuse me?
You:    Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick! I've had enough!

...and slam down the reciever.  You can substitute no crust for no cheese.
Or, better yet, ask for 1 shred of cheese on each slice.  If you get a dumb
enough order man, they'll say, "Well, we use chunks of cheese." You can tell
him that's "fucking fine" and one chunk per slice will do.  Using "fuck" in
context when you are not angry is great fun too.

CALMLY: Yes, I'd like a fucking pizza, and 3 small cokes, please.

If ever you actually place an order, and they are assuming you are going to
come pick it up, call them every two minutes and ask if it is ready yet.
This will eventually annoy the hell out of fone man.

The 6-7 pizza trick.
--------------------

     This trick is very hard to perform, and it should only be done by trained
     professionals.  It is important to do this trick someplace that has
     6-slice 8-slice and 10-slice pizzas.  (or something like that)
     Here's how it goes:

You: Yes, I'd like a seven slice pizza.
him: I'm sorry, sir we have only six slice and eight slice pizzas.
You: I would like a seven slice pizza with extra cheese please.
him: Sir, we only cut our pizzas into 6 and 8 slices!
You: Listen, I need a 7 slice pizza!  What's the problem?
Him: I'm sorry, but we do not make 7 slice pizzas!
You: Let me talk to the manager. NOW please.
Him: <groan>okay...hold on...
Manager: Yes?
You: Is this the manager?
Man: Yes.
You: Well, I want an eight slice extra cheese pizza, and your order taker
     insists on giving me one with seven slices!



Well.. u get the idea.  Record your pranks on your answering machine, or with
a phone mike. (avail. at radio shack).  They're fun as hell to listen to.

Always do this sort of thing in a mature calm voice, or you won't be taken
seriously.  NEVER LAUGH.

This has been a PsychoFox presentation.
enjoy.

origin:the works bbs: 617-861-8976 :Shitloads of textfiles on end.


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