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|                    Fun! with Random Senseless Vandalism                    |
|                    by  /\/oo\/\  Count Nibble  /\/oo\/\                    |
|                               August 2nd 1985                              |
|                                                                            |
| A "Nibble's Own" Textfile -- (C) 1985 by Count Nibble -- Spread it around! |
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    "We're just the Wrecking Crew / Poor boys with nothing to do!"
                                                         - The Adolescents

    "History is made at night -- character is what you are in the dark."
                                                       - Lord John Whorfin

Hot summer nights are the same no matter where you live . . . there's nothing
like a warm July evening to inspire a bunch of sex-starved adolescents to acts
of Random Senseless Vandalism (RSV).  Unfortunately, this time of year also
tends to drain one's mind of all ideas that one might have for such
activities.  Fear not!  Contained herein are myriad suggestions of how to
spend a few early-morning hours enjoying yourself and annoying others.  Call
your friends together and try a few out.

A night of RSV is usually divided into two modes.  The first mode is Cruising
-- simply driving along major thoroughfares until an opportunity presents
itself.  Of course, you'll be keeping your eyes open for nubile members of the
opposite sex, and your windows open (or better, your roof down) so the rest of
the world can admire your taste in music and in clothing.  On a well-balanced
night of RSV, most of your time will be spent in this mode, so choose your
music well.  Here are a few tunes which I have found to be quite appropriate
for tooling down the streets at 2 AM -- ALWAYS use the 12" single versions.

Phil Collins: In The Air Tonight        Harold Faltermeyer: Axel F.
Dead Or Alive: Round Round              Alphaville: Big In Japan
Jean-Michel Jarre: Zoolook              Burning Sensations: Pablo Picasso
Duran Duran: View to a Kill             Russ Ballard: Voices
Cheap Trick: You Must Be Dreaming       Adam and the Ants: Stand and Deliver

Well.  Now you've been to two McDonald's and five Circle K's, and you've seen
enough pussy to keep you horny for over a year -- so it's time to move out
and start the second mode: Random Senseless Vandalism.  The mood of the music
goes over the edge, meaning, of course, Punk!  Some sample tunes:

Sex Pistols: Anarchy in the U.K.        Fear: Let's Have A War
GBH: Do What You Do                     Adolescents: Wrecking Crew
DEVO: Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA              Black Flag: Police Story, T.V. Party
Red Alert: In Britain                   Bad Religion: In The Night

But, as the question goes, what do you DO when you Do What You Do?  Now that
we've set up an appropriate musical mood, we can start in on the good stuff:
the Random Senseless Vandalism itself.

You'll need a few tools.  A sample list follows.

crowbar                 wire cutters            flashlight w/red filter
spray paint             survival knife          short (18") length of chain
rocks (medium-large)    caltrops (lots)         toilet paper
rope                    assorted fireworks      BB or pellet gun/rifle
water balloons

Crowbar:  The ultimate multi-purpose vandalism tool.  Can be used to shatter
     windows, break off doorknobs, and to pry open practically anything you
     like.

Wire Cutters:  You never know when you'll run into a fence you don't happen to
     like, and some good wire cutters can alleviate the situation.  Make sure
     the fence isn't electrified before you try anything with it!  Barbed wire
     looks nice wrapped around the front end of a car, replacing its grille,
     or festooned along the walls of your room.  And a stretch of chainlink
     adds a nice touch to any bedroom decor.

Flashlight w/Red Filter:  There is nothing more suspicious-looking than a
     bunch of guys out in a field with a flashlight, and the red filter will
     help alleviate observation problems.  Also, the red color allows you to
     retain your night vision while keeping your eyes on what you are doing.

Spray Paint:  The possibilities are endless.  Check out my file "Fun! with
     Spray Paint" for a few of them.

Survival Knife:  This tool takes care of the stuff that the crowbar and the
     wire cutters aren't really designed for.  Try these: cutting down
     tire-and-rope swings in front yards, slashing banners, collecting flags
     (it's illegal to display them at night without proper illumination
     anyway), slicing seatbelts that assholes leave hanging out of their car
     doors.  Fucking with convertible tops is bad form, but tarps over boats
     or cars are great, especially if it's raining.

Short (18") Length of Chain:  Make it sturdy, this one will be taking a lot of
     abuse.  Use it on car bodies and windows, or connect it to your rope to
     tow something large down the street a ways.  Be careful, though! 
     Remember what happened in Mad Max!

Rocks:  Easy to find, easier to use.  The windows of houses and moving cars
     are great targets for rocks.

Caltrops:  In case an irate smart-ass citizen decides to chase you.  (Don't
     use 'em on cops unless you're SURE they didn't get a good look at your
     car!)  A caltrop is a piece of metal that, when you throw it onto the
     ground, always lands so that one point sticks up into the air where it
     can do major damage to tires and to feet wearing anything less than good
     work boots.  Sure, a board with nails in it will do the same thing, but
     caltrops are less noticable, and who the hell is dumb enough to drive
     over a random board in the middle of the street anyway?  The simplest
     reliable design is to take two nails, cut the heads off and sharpen both
     ends of each, bend them to an angle of about 135 degrees, and weld them
     together at the bend.  If you're serious about it, get together with a
     few of your friends and set up a mass-production line for a few hours the
     evening before you all go out, and make about 50 of them.  If you drop
     them on a road (handfuls of 6-8 work well), don't travel on that road for
     a while!  And of course, you can just dump them in the middle of a major
     intersection in the dead of night.  Or in a parking lot outside a movie
     theater just before the movie lets out.  Caltrops pack one hell of a
     wallop for their size.

Toilet Paper:  No anarchy run is truly complete without toilet paper,
     especially if it looks like it's going to rain.  When toilet paper gets
     wet, you can forget about trying to clean it up, because you CAN'T.  If
     the weather is nice, why not consider looking for a garden hose to help
     the paper along?

Rope:  You'll always be able to find a good use for rope.  In fact, there's
     really oo need to go out and *buy* rope; chances are you'll be able to
     find some on the way somewhere.  Flagpole rope is made amazingly strong
     since it has to stand up to years of the elements -- who wants to change
     the rope on a flagpole? -- so get that kind if you can.  It's easy to
     find on any school campus.  It's great fun to tie a sturdy slip knot on a
     flagpole rope, tie the loose end to the back of a pickup, then take off. 
     See what gives first, the pole or the back of the truck.  For that
     matter, the rear axle trick from American Graffiti is pretty amusing too,
     if your rope is strong enough.

Assorted Fireworks:  Ah, yes, the Flames of the Gods.  There's nothing like
     driving around town, lighting fireworks, and throwing them out the
     window.  Bottle Rockets are the most spectacular . . . they'll sit on the
     road until you're a few dozen yards away, then take off to God Knows
     Where.  Sometimes they'll shoot down the street a ways, then hit a curb
     and arc off in the direction of someone's bedroom window.  (Of course,
     you're using the kind "with report" for maximum effect, aren't you?) 
     M-80's and their more powerful homemade cousins are wonderful for
     mailboxes, placing on car windshields, and just plain waking up everyone
     within a quarter mile.  Those "whistling cabins" are great for annoying
     dogs as well as people, and if you run across a car that someone forgot
     to lock, make sure the windows are rolled up and lob a few smoke bombs
     inside.  Kiss the interior of that vehicle GOODBYE.  If you have
     something a bit more powerful, like a CO2 cartridge filled with black
     powder, knock a hole in a cinderblock wall with a large rock and drop the
     pecker inside it.  The brick it gets stuck next to is history.  Looking
     to shatter windows?  Take one of those CO2 bombs with a long fuse and put
     it in the middle of a 32 oz. glass bottle full of gravel, pick a nice
     building with a lot of glass on it, drop and light the bomb, and LEAVE. 
     Wheee!  Shrapnel!  Who says the Neon Knights have all the fun?

BB or Pellet Gun/Rifle:  For non-assholes only.  Leave the small animals alone
     . . . save your ammo for the targets that deserve to be abused, things
     like people.  Air guns are at their best when you're in a moving car. 
     Pump up the air rifle and load a few BB's in, then buzz by the local car
     dealership and take out that nice big showroom window -- ftow!  Mr. Slick
     Sam, The Used Car Man, now has to unload an Eldie or two to pay for a new
     pane of glass.  And oh, how expensive that glass can be!  These are also
     great for vans with custom murals on the side.  You can elect to use low
     power and just deface the thing, or go all the way and punch a few holes.
     'S up to you!  And do you know how much it costs to replace the body
     panels on a Corvette?  Yow!

Water Balloons:  Yeah, plain water balloons really belong to the
     grade-schoolers and the fraternity types with balloon launchers, but how
     about putting about a tablespoon of Rit dye in the balloon before you
     fill it?  Looks really nice on stucco or on white cinderblock, where it
     gets a chance to soak in for a few hours.  Be imaginative, use a few
     balloons of different colors on a single target for some instant modern
     art.

Your Bare Hands:  A vandal needs no tools to do his dirty work -- his bare
     hands can do a great deal.  Try switching around a few realty signs. 
     Grab a trash bag that's waiting for the 6AM pickup as you drive by, then
     drag it alongside the car as you speed down the street.  When it breaks,
     someone will have a serious mess to deal with.  Or introduce that trash
     bag to the neighbor's pool.  Bananna peels and pool filters get along
     marvelously.  Got a road that's really just a loooooong hill?  Montgomery
     Blvd. in Albuquerque is a good example, with at lease five miles of long,
     straight, gentle gradient.  "Borrow" someone's spare tire and see how far
     down the hill it'll roll before it hits something (or someone!).  Or
     "borrow" several, have everyone bet on a tire, and hold a race.  One
     that's childish, but messy . . . get about 10-20 ketchup packets at the
     local Burgerdonald's.  Slowly twist one end about 3/4 of the way down the
     packet.  Soon it'll self-generate a TINY pinhole that can shoot a stream
     of ketchup about 10 feet.  Lotsa ways to use that!  Be prurient and
     re-arrange a roadside sign into something filthy and shocking.  Move
     mailboxes.  Push over mailboxes.  Kick over mailboxes.  Run over
     mailboxes.  Steal mailboxes.  Spit on mailboxes and call them dirty
     names.

Whew!  Boy, that was fun!  But you've had your fill of trashing homes and
causing mayhem, and it's time to mellow out.  How does one mellow out after
Random acts of Senseless Vandalism?  Why, with a car chase of course . . .

Split up into teams of 2-4 people per car, up to four cars.  Pick the order of
cars, and then GO -- each guy following the guy in front of him, and trying to
LOSE the guy in back of him.  Residential areas are best, because at 2 or 3 AM
all the cops are either at an all night eatery or patrolling the main
thoroughfares for drunk drivers.  Choose a meeting place that's open 24 hours
-- a 7-11, a Dunkin Donuts, or just about any other eating establishment
(you'll be hungry by the time you finish) -- where each car can go after it's
been totally lost for about 15 minutes.  If you've been separated from the
others for that long, they could be anywhere, and the chances of you finding
them are about nil.  This game of "cat and mouse", with its James Bond/Road
Warrior overtones, is often more fun than the RSV itself, and deserves more
attention than it gets as a source of late-night amusement.

Anyway.  That should get you started at least, and if you can't find anything
fun to do in here, well, you may as well give up and go work for the phone
company or the Federal Government.  They love guys like you.

Hang loose, America, and don't do anything I wouldn't do, (heh!)

   /\/oo\/\  /\/oo\/\  /\/oo\/\  Count Nibble  /\/oo\/\  /\/oo\/\  /\/oo\/\
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Author's Note:  Count Nibble's "Fun! with" series is presented as a collection
of entertaining text files in much the same vein as George Hayduke's "Getting
Even" books -- not as a suggestion that people actually go out and DO any of
the things described in this file.  The Count refuses to be held responsible
for the judgement of people who choose to do any of this . . . /\/o-\/\ (wink)
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