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 | |     PPP Presents..      a Bill Smith Phile..                         | |
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                                              Compiled on December 25, 1989


BS: "I got my new USRobotics HST 14400 modem today."
OT: "How much?"
BS: "$280, plus $25 for UPS Red Label shipping."
OT: "No way!  Was it used?"
BS: "No, I scammed it direct from USRobotics, brand new."
OT: "How?"

    So many times I've had this this conversation.  Well.. Finally, I've
decided to  write a  phile explaining how you, too, can benefit from the
stupidity of USRobotics.

    First, make sure you have sufficient funding for the modem. If you dont
have enough for the modem of your choice (near the end of this phile, there
is a listing of current prices), develop your own ways to kick the crap out
of a UPS delivery person.  (USRobotics sends all modems on either a C.O.D.,
or personal check-basis only) Note:  This scam can be accomplished legally,
there is no need to set up any fake names, addresses, etc.  No need to bull
USRobotics with names.  OK, now that you have your money (I assume you want
the 14.4k HST, which  is  $280),  next step is  for you to call USRobotics.
The number to call is 1-800-DIAL-USR (800-342-5877), Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm
Central Std. Time (6am-3pm PST).  Usually, some lady answers with something
like, "Hello, USRobotics."  Let her know that your company is interested in
becoming an authorized USRobotics dealer, and you want to obtain the req'd.
forms.  If she does not know what you mean, restate it and say you need the
papers to be a reseller.   She will then ask for your name, your business's
name, shipping address (Use either your home or P.O. Box on this,  all that
comes at this point is an envelope about 8.75" by 11.5").  I used the PO on
this one.  OK, now you have this packet a few days later. The one I got had
a letter, $25 business rebate, "Seven-Minute Sales Seminar" pamphlet, a big
book on the USRobotics Courier line,  this thing called "Campaign '89", and
a pretty short questionaire on your business.   The letter read as follows:

        Thank you for your interest in our products.  We've enclosed
        the information you requested, along with an overview of our
        entire modem line,  one of the broadest in the industry...
        Please  contact the distributor nearest you to  arrange  for
        furthur information or a product evaluation.   They can also
        help  you  with  any  other  USRobotics  products  you  find
        interesting.   Should  you have any difficulty contacting  a
        reseller,   please let us know,   toll free at  800/DIAL USR
        (342-5877),   in  Illinois dial  312/982-5001,   as soon  as
        possible.

(BS Note:  All of USRobotics' 312 NPAs were recently changed to 708.)  Next
step is to mail the form back to USRobotics.  A few days later, call them &
ask if your paper has been received yet.  Once it has, they should send you
back another envelope the same dimensions as the first, this time,  stating
how you have been made "...an official USR Authorized Dealer."  Ooooo Boy..
They  continue to state what you  are now entitled to, which is along these
lines--direct sales referrals, access to closing deals to Fortune 1000 co.,
access to the dealer hotline (800-292-2988 U.S, and 800-553-3560 Canada) to
receive product literature, and continuous updates regarding new USRobotics
products and enhancements "...before your customers do..."

They send you a copy of the current "Courier" newsletter which has the gold
you need...the "Authorized Dealer Demo Program" coupon! (OK, the issue that
they sent me was Volume 2, Number 3, and the coupon was blue.  If yours has
no order form, get ahold of me on a PPP system and I can either fax or mail
you a copy of one.. USRobotics cares little what the coupon looks like, the
one I sent them was a copy of my original (so I can order another one later
as they restrict you to "two modems per location."  What that means is, you
can get up to two modems with these metal plates near the rear of them that
state, "For demonstration purposes only .. Not for resale." And no, it wont
just come off without shreading the case.  (You can try to be a distributor
for a month  and order a bunch of cases, but it is much easier to live with
the little plaque.)

OK.. Now, once you have this form, make a copy of it if you want to ever do
this again (assuming you are ordering one now).  At the top, it lists:

Company Name: (Enter the one listed on the letter of acceptance)
Shipping Address: (Enter your HOME, the box will NOT fit in a PO Box)
City:      State/Province:      Zip/Postal Code:
Phone Number: (Put your real one, not a BBS)

Near the bottom, they show places for your name and title.  Write your real
name, and put ", owner" or similar.  Also, you have to sign it.  Big deal..
Put the number of modems you want (up to two total) in the space marked as,
Quantity, and then mail it back to USR.  If you have questions so far, call
USR and ask for either Jim Summers or the USR dealer programs manager.

In a couple days, call to see if your order has been received. You may have
to ask for the reseller division, I can't remember.  Anyways.  Ask how long
it will be until the order is shipped.   If they tell you it could be up to
two weeks, ask if you can get it any sooner, & keep bugging them every day.
In the meantime, obtain a cashier's check from your local bank in the am'nt
needed (my check was for $305.00, $280 plus $25 shipping) and have the bank
make it out to USROBOTICS.

Keep this check somewhere and let your whole family know where it is,  just
in case you are gone when UPS arrives (you dont really want to drive to the
UPS place, do you?).

Good luck with your ventures.  Here is the list of current dealer prices:
(All are the newest revisions, non-used, and shrink-wrapped):

HST Dual Standard..................$520
HST Dual Standard/PC................520
HST 14.4............................280
HST/PC 14.4 (internal)..............280
v.32................................520
v.32/PC (internal)..................520
HST/ix (HST 14.4 w/UNIX software)...430
2400e...............................130
2400/PS w/MNP.......................120
2400/PS w/MNP & software............160
2400/PC.............................150
2400/PC w/software..................180

Shipping:
UPS ground.........................$13
UPS blue (2nd day air)..............18
UPS red (next day air)..............25

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  XopyWRONG (X) 1989 Bill Smith and the PPP/NPA 619   Check out these boards:
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CAD #1 - Insidious Infusion...........24mnp..HAX HQs...Doctor Dissector
CAD #2 - Internal Stack III...........2400...HAX/vms...Dark Helmet
CAD #3 - The Fourth Dimension.........2400...HAX/vms...Tak/Scan (Amiga)
CAD #5 - Electric Dreams Underground..14400..HAX beta..Bill Smith

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And like dd says... "thy freeways are thy friends..."

 