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       The Phollowing is another Phine Phile oph Phacts Phrom the Phixer.







::::::::::::Heart of Gold 604-658-1581::The Pipeline 604-479-2905::::::::::::::

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                              The Fixer presents...





                 PRANKS, REVENGE, AND GENERAL MAYHEM VOLUME NINE



                  Within this tome: REVENGE FOR EVERY OCCASION





This time we concentrate upon revenge, and what tactics best suit the

circumstance.



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AUTOMOTIVE REVENGE:



You have been ripped off by a mechanic: the problem in your car that he

supposedly fixed has come back, after only a short while, and he won't cover it

by warranty.

Solution: Between the hours of 4 and 6 AM, "install" a similar fault into his

own car. If it's the transmission, drain all his fluid. If it's the radiator,

punch a nice big hole in it. If it's gaskets, apply acid to these so that HIS

will fail too. If it's electrical, introduce a few nice shorts in the area that

didn't work on your car. Be creative but be discreet! After all, his car is

parked right outside his own house!







You have noticed that the gasoline from one particular station or chain is

causing a lot of knocking or blue smoke or other problems (maybe that's why

you went to the above asshole mechanic). You can no longer stand it when you

notice that old people are passing you on the freeway at 35 mph! Only one thing

to do here: get back at that gas station/chain!

Ways to do this:

 - Place DIRTY motor oil in the windshield washer buckets.

 - LATE at night when the station is closed, put a few kilos of laundry

   detergent, sulfuric nitric or hydrochloric acid, sugar or other substance

   in the underground holding tanks.

 - LATE at night, run a hose from the nearest water tap (every gas station has

   one) to an underground gas holding tank. Turn it on and leave, letting water

   run ALL NIGHT. In the morning there will be water and gas everywhere, and 

   the gas remaining in the tank will be unsaleable.

 - Use Krazy Glue to sabotage gas pumps.





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THE COIN-OP RIPOFF:

Everyone gets pissed when a coin operated machine takes their money and fails

to deliver the goods. Here are ways in which you can get back at the morons who

own these machines and refuse to keep them in some sort of working order.







 - Take a piece of paper, about 4" x 4", fold until it is the thickness of the

   coin slot, place this in the coin slot, force it down out of sight with a

   pocket knife, and chase it with a few drops of Krazy Glue. Result is that

   the vending company needs a new coin assembly for the machine. - If you can get large amounts of razy Glue, place a lot of it down the coin

   slot by itself. It will (a) freeze the coin  mechanism and (b) glue the

   contents of the coin box together.

 - If the machine is one of a bank of several machines, get several pieces

   of paper. Write "OUT OF ORDER" on all of them, and fix them to each of the

   machines in the row, whether or not they are working. Result: no more

   business. If you REALLY carry a grudge, you can always place such a sign on   EVERY machine ownedby the offending company. ESPECIALLY effective in an

   arcade when you label 40 or 50 machines OUT OF ORDER. If you really get into   this practice justfor the fun of it, get some letraset and make up a 

   professional-looking OUT OF ORDER sign, complete with a logo of the company



   you seek to avenge. Make 1.5 million copies of this and have a ball.

 - If you are ripped off by a pay-phone, call the operator and pretend you are

   retarded. Ask a lot of questions about why the phone ate your coin and you

   couldn't make a call, and take FOREVER. And when the operator tries to    answer, don't understan. Take about 15 minutes of a Bell employee's (paid)

   time and you will have cost the phone company way more than their ripoff



   payphone ever took from you.





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RESTAURANT REVENGE:



Well, the food sucked. That's a good enough reason to want to exact revenge

upon these evil establishments. There are only a few things you can get away

with, but they are good.



 - Vomit. Right there at your table, as loudly as you can. Stick your finger 

   down your throat if necessary, but make sure that by the time you have

   emptied your stomach, there is a great pool of puke on the floor and

   everyone in the entire place is looking at you. This will bring about many

   apologies from the staff of the place, and gross a few patrons out enough

   that some may make a point of never returning. Hell, if the food's bad

   enough, you may even get applauded by the patrons!

 - Surreptitiously place various "ingredients" on salad bar/buffet items.

   Tabasco sauce in the thousand island dressing will do WONDERS for the

   place's reputation.

 - If you REALLY are brave and have a lot of time to burn, get hired as a

   waiter for that place. When serving people, use a BAD attitude, and when

   people ask you why you are so rude, mumble something about the place's

   "employee training program". Or, say that you can't stand to work for such

   a sleazy operation, and that you will be quitting soon. Make up a few 

   horror stories about what goes on in the kitchen. Sure you will get fired,

   but you will have succeeded in damaging the place's rep. This is a HIGHLY

   ADVANCED revenge technique, only use it if you are a good actor and hold a

   real grudge.





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SCHOOL REVENGE:





What do teachers and principals do that would warrant revenge?

LOTS.

They impose unrealistic deadlines for assignments, they militantly enforce

preposterous rules and impose punishments that are repugnant to your freedom

and dignity. Despite the fact that your parents are paying their salaries, they

look down on you as the lowest scum on earth. What can you do? PLENTY. Read on.



 - Teachers seem to be obsessed with their careers. Therefore, there is no

   better way of freaking out a teacher than to have his employment

   threatened. What you can do is send the principal a letter. Allege that the

   target teacher is a sex offender. There have been so many of these lately

   that an investigation WILL result if you make the letter convincing enough.

   Make it anonymous, because you "couldn't face your parents or peers after

   what you have been subjected to". Make sure the letter is handwritten by a

   girl accomplice if you are a male; at the high-school age it is not

   difficult to tell a girl's handwriting from a guy's.

   In any case, the teacher will have the freakiest period of his career as

   he is inquisited.

 - If the target is a REAL tyrant, and you know many people who agree, then

   you may have an actual case against the person. Have everyone in every one

   of the target's classes sign a petition demanding the end of the idiot's

   reign of terror. Despite the fact that you would never rat on a friend,

   teachers expect you to tell on other students, so give them a taste of their

   own preaching (????).

 - Schools often expect you to sit through idiotic presentations on drinking

   and driving, smoking, drugs, why you should go to church, ad nausaeum. While

   these may be beneficial to some idiots, your intelligence is insulted by

   these suckholes-in-action. What do you do? Well, you can sabotage any

   audio-visual equipment that may be used in the presentation beforehand. If

   the presentation is being given by an outside group, e.g. the police or

   MADD, then what you can do is, the day before the presentation, have an

   older, respectable-sounding accomplice phone the agency and "cancel" it,

   posing as the principal. They will want to know why and when it can be

   re-scheduled to, so have some excuses handy.



Enough about the teachers and administration. What about your fellow students,

not all of whom are your best friends (heh heh heh heh)??? They can be royal

pains in the ass too. Some will nark on you, others will beat you up, still

others will try to rip you off or make you look like an idiot. What can you do

about these moronotrons?



 - If you have been narked on continuously, get the fink back with the

   following method: (1) After school, after the geke has left, plant some

   weed or porno magazines or other contraband in the geke's locker.

   (2) The next morning, right around the first bell, phone the school and tell

   them there is a time bomb in one of the lockers. Don't laugh or giggle, they

   will know if you are full of shit. Anyways, there will immediately be a

   search of ALL lockers, and when Mr Dickhead's locker is looked at, he will

   have a LOT of explaining to do...

 - If you are intimidated by a bully or gang at school, place small bombs in

   their lockers, activated by a switch that is closed when the locker opens...

   At first this will only make them mad but if you do it enough times, you

   are guaranteed to turn the tables of terror on them.





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WARRANTY FAILURE REVENGE:



OK, you have bought a product and either it blew up ONE day after the warranty

expired or it developed a problem not covered by the warranty. In either case

you are screwed while the assholes that sold you the piece of shit laugh all

the way to the bank. What contingencies exist for this quandry?



 - If you bought it from a store, the appropriate thing to do is give the store

   a whole lot of warranty returns. This involves subtly sabotaging shelf

   stock, with Krazy Glue, a pocket knife, or whatever tools are on hand. Make

   sure that the damage you is internal or not noticeable so that someone buys

   the thing. Do this to many units of the same item, and all throughout the 

   store. The returns department (the one that screwed you around in the first

   place) will have a nightmare.

 - Another tactic is to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper.

   Explain to the public what happened and why you will never give that store

   your business again. This will cost you nothing, and the paper will most

   likely print it. This is perfectly legal, and as long as you tell the truth,

   you cannot be sued for defamation of character or libel.

 - If you got the heap of shit from a mail-order fly-by-nite outfit, then there

   is no way you can sabotage their stock, and a letter in the local paper

   won't do much to them if they are an out of town place. So you screw them

   through their main marketing medium: the mail! If you have read the articles

   on credit card fraud, you will already be prepared for this next technique:

   Using a phony credit card number (or a stolen one) order a whole lot of

   things by phone, all in separate orders, and all to different NON-EXISTENT

   ADDRESSES. Keep this up for awhile and they will surely go bonkers over all

   the "Returned to Sender" packages they get.

 - Alternatively, if you are a phreak, pick THEIR 800 number to hack the

   wats extender from.

 - Or get a bunch of friends together and tie up their 800 lines with phony

   orders (using "carding" techniques of course).

 - Send the company a few letters saying how well their company has gone over

   in the Gay Community in your area, and to expect lots of orders and 

   endorsements (hee hee hee hee) from your fellow gays and the following 

   Gay Pride groups (list a few from the San Francisco yellow pages...). Or, if

   you don't think fags will be repulsive enough to Ripoff Mail Order Inc.,

   then send a similar letter from the Nazis or the Ku Klux Klan or the

   Communist party, along the same lines. If you decide to send several to the

   same place at the same time, make sure the cities in the return address are

   all different.



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Well, that pretty much brings to a close this installment of the Pranks series.

Watch for Pranks TEN coming soon!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Other philes by the Fixer:



Pranks 1   Pranks 2   Pranks 3   Pranks 4   Pranks 5   Pranks 6   Pranks 7

Pranks 8   Blow Guns   Throwing Stars   Ultima IV cheating on the 64

64 Skyfox Dox   64 Super Huey Dox   Growing Marijuana   Picking Coinslots

The Underground Library   The Real Pyros Guide ][   R0dents and the C-64

Beating Lie Detector Tests   Self-Contained Silver Box Plans



Coming soon:



64 game cheats   Ultima V cheat   Ultima V dox   Cable TV Pirating

Beginners Guide to Phreaking   Pranks 10   Advanced Homemade Pyrotechnics





Call:



  HEART OF GOLD         (604) 658-1581

  THE PIPELINE          (604) 479-2905  user: THE PIPELINE...pass: PIPELINE

  THE PROVING GROUNDS   (604) 478-1363



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