


              ****************************************
              *                                      *
              *         HOW TO HAVE SOME FUN         *
              *                ON A                  *
              *        BORING SATURDAY NIGHT         *
              *                                      *
              *         Typed and uploaded by        *
              *             Mach Three               *
              *                                      *
              ****************************************

    So what do you do on a boring Saturday night, when there are no parties to
go to, no good movies to see, and no more boards to call ?? (impossible eh?)
The answer is simple! Go for some destruction and terrorizing!!
    
     First you pick a suitable target, any person whom you thoroughly despise
will suffice. If you have several choices, pick the one with the best trees,
cover, and other items to hide behind while you begin the operation. 
      
      1) Take a trip to your local drug store. Pick up at LEAST 20 rolls of
the cheapest toilet paper you can find. Multi-colors are the prettiest. 
      2) Buy a large jar of Mr. Reddenbackers gourmet popcorn. 
      3) Buy 2 boxes of Curad band-aids. These stick better than those cheap
bargain brands.
      4) If you desire protection or some offensive weapons in the event of
capture, you may purchase a few bags of water balloons and get some flour.
      5) Next, take a trip to your local petshop. Purchase one large hermit
crab. Be sure it is a large one! They move much faster than the little ones,
and are not too much more expensive. 
       After you have acquired the above items and any others you may have
used in previous excursions, you are ready for phase II.

         PHASE II: PREPARATION

      1) Remove the paper from the Curad Band-aids. It takes a while, but it 
will be worth it. If this task is boring, turn out the lights and you can 
watch blue flashes of electrostatic energy flash by as you rip open the paper.
Fascinating. 
       2) Pop enough Orville Redenbackers popcorn until you have one large
safeway bag full of popped popcorn. Don't eat all of it!! But you may have
some unless someone stops you.
       3) If you have water ballons, fill them now. Flour bombs are made by 
putting a handful of flour in the middle of a paper bag and then wrapping it
closed with a rubber band. Moisten the towel (I meant towel, not paper bag) 
with water so it will fall apart upon sudden impact. 
        4) Load up your car, providing it will fit in one, and you are
ready to go. 
        PHASE III: THE ASSAULT

       1) Under cover of darkness, drive to your victim's home, preferably 
after at LEAST 11:00 PM. Park far enough away as to not attrack suspicion.
       2) Take the popcorn and spread it all over the lawn, fill up the
mailbox, etc. One of my friends likes to fill up cars with crumpled up news-
paper. All the way, filled to the brim. 
       3) With the band aids put them over the car windows, and especially
house windows. It is a real phreak to suddenly turn on your light and see
your window plastered with band-aids. Or even better, to wake up watching the
sillouettes of band-aids. How romantic.
        4) Put the toilet paper to good use. Be sure to get a few trees in the
backyard, as well as the bushes and shrubs in the front.
        5) Time for herman to go into action. Find an open window (not too 
hard in the summertime). If you can't find one, you could probably roll the
hermit crab down the chimney, these guys can take anything. Put the hermit
crab in through the window (preferably in the kitchen if possible) . A large
hermit crab has more startling power than a snake. Everyone knows what a snake
is, but when you see a massive hermit crab, people think "SPIDER!" and phreak
out. And these guys can motate pretty quick. 
         6) If you have been spotted while performing the above, do not
hesitate to unleash your water balloons and flour bombs.
         7) If still it does not look like you have done enough, take a
trip to your local Taco Bell. Buy a burrito supreme as to not attract
suspicion. Taco Bell always has their forks and spoons sitting out in a
tray for you. Snag about 30 plastic forks and 20 plastic knives. Return to
your victim's home and place these eating utensile in an appropriate place
in the lawn. If you wish, you may even spell out a message.
         8) That is enough. Any more and it is more than likely that you will
be caught. You may wish to wake up the victim now, if you wish, or, if you 
hear a scream, you know your hermit crab has done his job. 

         DEFENSE:

      So what if you think YOU may be the target of some insane mind plotting
something as in the above? There is a lot you can do. Trip wires with plates
of flour up in trees work very well. As do the conventional water ballons and
flour bombs and the good ol water hose. Or you may take the offensive before
your opponent does. 
       If you want to get fancy, the Electronic Terrorism file by King Tut
works very well both as an explosive trip wire and also for simple, plain,
terrorism. This and other such articles can be found in the Anarchist Cookbook
which is both a book and a computer file. A very good book too...

      If you feel that this is too easy, then here is a nice variation: Tell
your victim (preferably a friendly one) that you will attack his house in
advance. Tell him the day. Tell him it will be after dark. But that is all. 
This will give your victim a chance to prepare, and you can expect some good
warfare. It is also a big challange. The only thing you could probably do is
the popcorn and balloons and flour bombs. But with good planning and strategy,
anything is possible. 
       The only thing you have to worry about in this situation are neighbors.
The last time I did this, we had a big flour-water-popcorn fight (friendly 
though) in the guys court. It was pretty noisy, and one of the neighbors 
called the cops. TWO cop cars even! Must have been a boring night. So you
may be smart to be careful. Maybe pick a target home that is located
somewhere in the boonies. 
       
      Now, hopefully you and your friends will never be bored on a 
Saturday night.....

                            From Mach Three



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