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            A Creative Person's Guide to Vandalism
        _  _   _   _   __           _   _   __  _  _       _
By: |  /_ | \ | \ / \ /__ |  |     | \ / \ /   /_ | \ |\/|/_\ |\| 
    |  \_ |_/ |   | | __/  \/   &  |_/ \_/ \__ \_ |_/ |  || | | |
    |__   |       \_/      /       |       __/    | \     | | 
    
   ------------------OCTOBER 99, 1993--------------------------

 All right, by now you've probably read all the other vandalism files, and you think they're pretty ool. But don't you ever want to do something creative, something innovative, something that will caue anarchists to speak your name with reverance years after you've graduated? Us too. Read on.

ASSEMBLY ANTICS

 Pep assemblys remind us of something Orwell would write about. You are forced to go to them and fored to jump up and down and cheer on a football team that never wins anyway. I always ask my teacherswhy I have to go, and they repons with a shocked expression and ask "You DON'T want to go to the peprally?" They're beyond hope. So are most of the students. That's one thing you need to remember: Theonly reasons students don't rebel and take over the school is that A: They like it (though they won' admit it) and B: Their parents will thrash them. Us anarchists have overcome that, however. Anyway,on to screwing up pep assembies.
 A simple thing to do is make your own banners. Impromptu versions can be made with only a marker, sme paper, and some tape. If you have advance warning, use butcher paper and paint or maybe even a shet. Write rousing slogans like "Burn in Hell, Administration! We don't need no Education!" If you ar artistically inclined, paint something offensive on, like a porno pic. For a grand finale, set yourbanner on fire. Paper airplanes are good if you set them on fire as you throw them. You can also mak gargantuan paper airplanes and send them crashing into people. If anyone's throwing frisbees, get ahold of one and wing it really hard at a teacher you hate.
 On the subject of pornography, get hold of an inflatable woman and blow her up during the assembly.Then send her bouncing about the crowd like they do with beachballs at rock concerts. An even betterthing to do is fill her up with helium and tie her to someones backpack.
 Backpacks are fun, too. When everyone stands up, lean down and either A: Empty out someone's pack s all the books and papers fall beneath the bleachers, or B: Put incriminating/embrassing/or threatenng items in someones pack. You know, porno postcards, fake narcotics, and the like. If you can get hld of a teacher's purse, so much the better. If you are reckless and have time, switch the contents f two back packs, leaving two panicked and baffled students.
 Get a bunch of your friends (?) to join you in a chant of solidarity. An excellent thing to do is man tunelessly for hours. If they have a spirit competition, yell when the opposing classes are yellig. If the administration makes a rule that insulting or taunting the other classes results in disqulification, take advantage of it! You might be able to get the rally over a lot sooner!
 Scream at the band to play a song you'd like to hear, especially if it's something with obscenitiesin the title. If you know someone in the band, either cheer wildly to distract them during solos or nform them that they suck. Then throw paper with requests on them at them. If you are in the band, dliberately play off beat and/or key to throw them off, or play a song you like better. If, like our chool band, there are guitarists and set drummers, get them to provide solos and scorching feedback. Try and get people to rush out on the gym floor, or jam an exit, or some similar mob activity. Try nd get the band to cooperate and set up a hardcore mosh pit. Attempt to trap the teachers between th students, so you can leave early.
 Befriend the "stoners"/"metalheads" at your school. They're the guys who wear leathers and always hve a cigarette handy. They can provide valuable allies once they find out you hate school as much asthem. 
 If you can get access to the tapes the cheerleaders dance to, replace it with something you like, sch as hardcore punk or rap. Pick something offensive. If there are any "unsightly" cheerleaders, be ruel. They often have very fragile egos.
 Throw things at your mascot when he runs by. Get people to trip him or even tackle him. If you havethose contests where people eat as much as they can in so much time, spike the food with ex-lax (forfun late at night) or Ipecac (for fun right now). Try and make them laugh so they choke or snort ther food. 

WARDROBE WARS

 Our school has a dress code (Indecent Exposure, actually) and yours probably does too. Push it as fr as you can, and always plead the first amendment.
 Make your own T-Shirts with borderline offensive images on them. One of my favorites is to make a sirt with "FUCK YOU" in big letters on the front, except with duct tape over "FUCK". Everyone can tel what it says, but it doesn't actually display it. The letter of the law, if not the spirit. If theydo what they do at our school, and make you turn offensive shirts around or inside out, write "Censoed By The US Government" on that side.
 If you're a boy, wear a dress to school, and see how quickly you're sent to the counselor. 
 Wear clothes that shock and dismay by attacking conventional values, such as:
 -An American Flag on the front, with the words "Try And Burn This Flag!" On the back, it says "Pleae..." 
 -The Bad Religion T-Shirt with the cross Xed out.
 -Anything having to do with abortion.
 Put a mask over your head and walk around with it on all day.
 Put a fake gun in your pocket where you can use it to intimidate people. 
 Use Halloween make-up to give yourself hideous scars.
 Walk around in your underwear all day (if you're brave). Say you're emulating Marky Mark or Madonna
 Go to school barefoot. Say you can't afford shoes.
 Find a teacher with a distinctive clothing style and dress just like him or her for a while. Say yo admire them a lot. If they are of the opposite sex, call them up a lot. Try and turn it into a "Fatl Attraction" thing.
 Carry your books in a brown bag or a garbage bag. Say you've finally found the proper container.
 Wear "ethnic costumes", such as togas, hula skirts, or buckskins.
 If you're white, wear an "It's a Black Thing" shirt.
 If you're black, wear a white supremacist shirt. This might be a little risky.
 If you have a crappy fast food job, wear your uniform to school. If you're in the band, wear your bnd uniform to school. If you're in ROTC, wear an old, tattered uniform, like from an army surplus stre. Decorate with Nazi reaglia. If you're a girl, wear a wedding dress.

HALLWAY HELL

 The hallways are excellent targets for vandalism, as enough people pass by that you probably won't e caught, and many, many people will see your handiwork. 
 A great thing to do is obtain a large number of bumper stickers from some gullible source, and past them EVERYWHERE! Tape toilet seats shut, doors shut, cover windows, tape them all over people, wad hem up and throw them at the ceiling so they stick, and jam air vents. I once got a lot from the Nav Recruiters. We stuck them all over an Army drone that was on display, plugging its exhausts and decrating the tail. They posted guards later on. If they ask why you want so many stickers, tell them is for a fund raiser.
 Along the same lines, get a picture of someone you hate, write something embarrasing on it, and xerx it about a thousand times. Litter the school. This may also be done with obscene photos, rock postrs, and report cards. 
 Disassemble a car, and reassemble it somewhere awkward, like a hallway. Alternately, leave parts ofit in lockers everywhere. This works best with a teacher's car.
 Stash disgusting things like brains in people's lockers.
 Take a marker and smear ink all over door handles. Write obscenities on the walls and windows, and rip ink all over the carpet. 
 Throw anything sharp into your drop ceilings so it sticks. If the ceiling is wet, it will stick ver well. Staple the aforementioned posters to the ceiling. 
 Get all your friends to block a hallway, and refuse to move. Lock arms and sing spirituals. You canalso block off lockers, restrooms, drinking fountains, and classrooms. 
 Run down a hallway waving your books. You're bound to hit someone.
 Wait until a teacher is standing behind you or otherwise near, and is occupied doing something else Then start talking loudly about the drugs you did last night, the sex you had, or the drive-by you ommitted. Then "notice" the teacher.
 Forge hall passes and wander around the school looking for people. Tell the security guard you forgt where your classes are.
 Bring flowers to school and hand them out all day. Refuse to go to class, saying you're working foryour church. You can alos hand out completely blank flyers, or ones that say "For a good time call: Insert Administrators Number)".
 A trick that we did that worked out very well was to bring screwdrivers and slowly dismember the scool. We even established a "point" system for every screw you had at the end of the day. Excellent tings to take apart are desks, blackboards, sinks (Yay!), and toilet handles. Your bus easily falls pey to this attack, too.
 Peel off that rubber thing along the bottom of the hall.
 Either start a trash can fire, fill up a trash can completely, steal the garbage bag (they'll be puzled for weeks), or dump a trash can over a balcony.
 Pick locks taht are locked and epoxy locks that aren't. Try and trap teachers in their classes. If ou can get into a janitors closet, either steal the chemicals, spill them on the floor, or set them n fire.
 Get on the roof and paint big Anarchy signs. Trash skylights, and find those coolers. Unplug them, lock them up, or pour something down a vent. This sounds tough, but we've gotten on our roof at schol. 
 Get a teacher's signature on a piece of paper, then use it as a liscense to kill. If you are ever cught doing any of these things, show your signature and say "They told me to do this."
 Photocopy signatures, then trace them in pen so they look authentic. 

TOILET TERRORISM

 Bathrooms are the most vulnerable place in a school, and as such they are jealously guarded. Still,the risks may be great, but the rewards are greater.
 For the fecally inclined, smear excrement anywhere you can. This is a pretty desparate measure.
 Plug toilets, or the old standby, flush an M-80.
 Lock the stall doors, then climb out. If you do this to all of them, no one will be able to use thetoilets.
 Steal all toilet paper (save for TPing your teacher's cars, classes, or homes). Replace the toilet aper with a stack of worksheets stolen from a boring class.
 Bring a wrench and dismember the flushing mechanism. Then flush crucial parts.
 Excellent things to send to sewer oblivion include:
  -Driver's Liscenses
  -ID Cards
  -Other people's homework
  -Other people's car keys
  -School Notices
  -Food
  -Room keys
  -Strange chemicals that react with water
  -Important yet tiny pieces of complex machinery (the ESCape key from a computer, musical intrumentparts, or all the screws you got from dismembering other stuff)
  -Teacher's work keys (you know, with all the answers). Copy it for yourself, then flush it, so theteacher has to do the homework too.
  -Hats  
 Write cryptic message on the paper towels, and mirrors if you have lipstick. This also works on toiet paper: "Please! No! Anything but that!" 
 Chip away the tile.
 Break the light switch. Our bathrooms are windowless, so then people must aim blindly when urinatin if it is dark.
 Whiz randomly all over the walls. (Thank you, SNL).
 Stuff a sink, then leave the water running. 
 Either set a fire in the trash can, or just dump it all on the floor. People usually leave disgustig things in bathroom garbage cans.
 Climb up into the ceiling and explore! Push out random panels, bang mysteriouly, set fires, and mak a secret stash.
 Get all the students in a class to hide in the bathroom, so the teacher panics when he/she can't fid anyone. Of course, this may be a little difficult to explain to the security guard-why would 20 bos be crouched in toilet stalls? Hmm....

ELECTRONIC TERRORISM

 Finally, most schools have computers. Being the hacker that you are, take advantage of it and trashtheir systems!
 For mild yet annoying effects, run strong magnets over monitors and CPUs. Format important disks, ten feign ignorance. Write simple programs like:
 10 print "YOUR SCHOOL SUCKS!"
 20 goto 10
Also, make programs that simulate system failure or some such dire occurance. 
 Password lock your computer, so no one else can use it.
 Infect a computer with a virus.
 Delete important files from the teacher's computer, or even your own. AUTOEXEC is the best target.
 If you're using DOS, change the prompt to something subversive. This may be done like so:
 prompt $p$g (or whatever)
          ^ 
          |
Insert your message here, so it's like "prompt $pYOU SUCK$g.
 Off the subject of school, but fun anyway: go to Wal-Mart or Radio-Shack and trash their display sytems.
 Put porno pix in the startup sequence.
 Put this file in the startup sequence.

AFTERWORD

 Okay, we hope you can get a much fun from this as we did. Thanks goes to know one but the authors o similar files, from who we derived much inspiration. We encourage you to write your own files so tht one day the tyrannical US School system may fall. The greatest thing of all would be to have everyne (EVERYONE) ditch school on the same day, leaving the halls of education barren and lifeless (not hat they are exactly joyful when we're in them). What could anyone do? 

REMEMBER:
 "There's strength in numbers, but make sure you're number one."

                 E   N  D     O  F     F  I  L  E

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