
  /----------------------------------------------------------\
  |o|                                                      |o|
  |o|         How not to Make Friends & Annoy People       |o|
  |o|                                                      |o|
  |o|                       By:                            |o|
  |o|                                                      |o|
  |o|                 ]> The Razor <[                      |o|
  |o|                                                      |o|
  \----------------------------------------------------------/

                         /-----------\
                         | Teenagers |
                         \-----------/

Now to keep this straight, this section is to describe to
teenagers how not to make friends & annoy people.

1)  When meeting a new friend's parents, ask your friend what
    their first names are and then call his parents by them from
    that point on.
2)  Before going out on a really heavy date, eat a pepperoni,
    onion, garlic, & sprinkled with red & green peppers pizza.
3)  Invite your friends over, and then charge them rent per
    hour.  If they make phone calls charge them 20 cents each.
4)  Start to flirt with your best friend's girlfriend.
5)  At a Sweet-Sixteen party hand out pamphlets about stopping
    abortions, also spike the punch with Vodka.
6)  If you find that your worst neighbor's dog has escaped
    on a very hot day, chain him to a tree and put a bowl of
    water a few inches out of its reach.  You may also chain it
    to a tree in someone else's yard.
7)  Spread around rumors that there will be a free beer-bash at
    your neighbors house.  You should hand out pamphlets also to
    attract a larger crowd.
8)  If your neighbors have an outdoor phone jack, then plug in
    your phone and make all the long-distance phone calls you
    like. You won't get traced either. You may also do this with
    electrical outlets also.
9)  Beat and tie up your neighbor's pet, then call the Humane
    Society.
10) If your neighbors have gone on vacation, then turn on all
    their outdoor faucets on full blast.
11) If you are lucky enough to get in your neighbor's house,
    remove a light-bulb, take a hyperdermic needle full of
    gasoline and then squeeze the gas into the light-bulb, and
    replace it. Get out of the room quick.
12) Put some Sugar in your neighbor's gas tank of their car.
13) Put a "For Sale" sign in front of their house while they are
    on vacation.  Remember to put your phone number to make the
    sale.
14) Put an advertisement in the newspaper for a brand new
    Porsche 911 with all the options for $5,000.


                           /--------\
                           | Adults |
                           \--------/

1)  Hire a group of the neighborhood brats to annoy your
    neighbors by lighting off fireworks, playing ding-dong
    ditch, and throwing various items at your neighbors house.
    One dollar per each child on a weekly basis.
2)  Hire a hooker to go to your neighbor's house while he and
    his spouse are present at the time.
3)  Get your neighbor's credit card number and charge all you
    can to it in only one week.
4)  Make signs that say "Flea Market" and "Garage Sale" and
    point them at your neighbor's house.
5)  Set their bushes on fire and claim they were trying to get
    their insurance money for the house.ÿ
6)  If your neighbor's have a pool, then make a life-size
    replica of their daughter, and put it in the pool (Dead-Man
    Float Style) and put some cherry Kool-Aid in also.
7)  Sneak into your neighbor's house and put panties in the
    master bedroom, and smear lipstick on the husband's collar.
8)  When their child is asleep, sneak into their house, and put
    a teddy bear head at the foot of his bed.
9)  Stock your neighbor's toilets and pool with goldfish.
10) Make holes in your neighbor's roof all the way through.
11) Make a replica of their 2 year old baby and put a tape
    recorder with screams on it, and set it behind a tire of
    their car when their garage door opens.
12) Pass out pamphlets that say there is a "KKK" meeting at
    your neighbor's address.
13) Take your 5 year-old son to learn to play golf on your
    neighbor's land.
14) Take your neighbor's son, and tell his father that you are
    going to see Dumbo and take hime out to see all the violent
    and most profanic movies that are playing around you.

                    /---------------------\
                    | The End of Volume I |
                    \---------------------/


