WAYS TO HAVE A CHEAP THRILL... AT THE EXPENSE OF LAW-ABIDING AMERICAN
CITIZENS:

1) ORDER A BB MACHINE GUN.  THEY GO FOR ABOUT $10 IF YOU SHOP AROUND, AND ARE
CAPABLE OF WREAKING TOTAL HAVOC.  THEY CAN HOLD AROUND 1000 BB'S, ARE LIGHT-
WEIGHT (PLASTIC, PVC) COME WITH SHOULDER STOCK, AND CAN BE POWERED WITH A
STANDARD FREON CAN, OR COMPRESSOR.

2) ASSEMBLE SOME HOME-BREW MX MISSILES.  GO OUT AND BUY A DOZEN SMALL ESTES
ROCKETS - ONE STAGE, NO CHUTE NECESSARY (NOSE CONE SHOULD BE REMOVABLE) AND
PREFERABLY ONE WITH A HOLLOW, PLASTIC NOSE PIECE.  THEY COST AROUND 3 DOLLARS
A THROW.  ARM THESE WITH M-80'S (OR ANY OTHER DEATH DEVICE) TIGHTLY PACKED
IN THE NOSE CONE.  USE A C-ENGINE WITH A FUSE OR ELECTRIC LAUNCHER.  THE KICK-
BACK FROM THE ENGINE SHOULD, IF THE BODY IS SHORT AND YOU DON'T USE WADDING,
IGNITE THE FUSE.  I'VE FOUND BEST SPORT IS TO FIRE THESE BUGGERS AT PASSING
BOATS AND SHIPS FROM THE WEST SIDE (DESERTED) ELEVATED HIGHWAY AT NIGHT.
USE ABOUT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE FOR OPTIMUM BANG-FOR-THE-BUCK.

3) ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO DO TO A PHONE BOOTH WITH A WHITE PAGES BOOK
ATTACHED TO IT, IS TO USE A TORCH TO MELT THE BACK OF THE HANDSET AND WELD IT
TO THE PLASTIC COVER OF THE BOOK.

4) PHONE PHUN - IF YOU ARE BORED OF CHEATING GM EXECS OUT OF DOUGH BY USING
THEIR ACCOUNTS ON TRAVEL NET AND CALLING OUTER MONGOLIA, TRY SOME >REAL<
PHONE PHUN.  BE IMAGINATIVE.  ASK KEDORG ABOUT THE TIME HE GOT A WOMAN TO
CUT OFF HER PHONE'S GREEN (RECEIVING) WIRE... HE EVEN HAS A TAPE OF THE
SESSION
THE NICE THING ABOUT PHONE PHUN IS THAT IT IS ABSOLUTELY ALMOST FREE.  YOU
CAN ALSO DO SOME AWESOME STUFF IF YOU HAVE MULTIPLE LINES.  TRY CALLING DIAL
A PRAYER AND CONNECTING IT WITH SOME POOR SLOB.  HE'LL THINK DIAL A PRAYER
MADE THE CALL.... OR IF YOU WANNA SEE FEATHERS FLY, AND CHICKENS SQUABBLE,
CALL TWO OPERATORS AND PATCH 'EM IN TOGETHER.

5) BB GUN FUN - IF YOU HAVE A GOOD BB GUN WITH A SCOPE, YOU CAN DO SOME
AMAZING DAMAGE.  I HAVE A CROSSMAN 766 WITH A BUSHNELL 4X SCOPE WHICH ALLOWS
ME TO USE .177 CAL. PELLETS, OR 5 BB ROUNDS SHOT-GUN STYLE.  KILLING
PIGEONS IS FUN.

WHAT WAS I UP TO? 6? ANYWAY, A GOOD BB GUN WITH PELLETS AT 650-700 FPS CAN
KNOCK
OUT A GOOD PLATE WINDOW FROM 100 YARDS OR SO.  DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF POINT
THE PELLET HAS, YOU CAN MAKE PUNCTURE HOLES, OR SMASH THE ENTIRE WINDOW.

8) WRIST ROCKETS - OK, SO YOU'RE TOO CHEAP TO BUY A RIFLE... THEN GO OUT AND
GET
A WRIST ROCKET.  ALTHOUGH THEY ARE SUBSTANTIALLY LESS POWERFUL, THEY CAN BE
EFFECTIVELY EMPLOYED AS TERROR INSTRUMENTS.  IF YOU'RE STRONG, YOU CAN KNOCK
OUT
MOST NORMAL WINDOWS AT 100 YARDS.  SEE IF YOU CAN KNOCK OUT A BUS WINDOW... I
SWEAR TO GOD, THOSE NEW GM BUSES HAVE WINDOWS MADE OF TITANIUM OR SOMETHING.

8) YOU CAN WREAK MUCH HAVOC OFF A GOOD ROOF AS WELL.  ASK MR. DEATH ABOUT
THAT!
IN GENERAL, YOU WANT TO BE ON AS HIGH A ROOF AS POSSIBLE WHICH WILL ALLOW
ACCURATE BOMBARDMENT.  THIS WAY, ESPECIALLY IF THE BUILDING HAS SEVERAL APTS.
AND TERRACES, YOUR TARGET WILL BE UNABLE TO LOCATE YOU.  FIREWORKS DROPPED
FROM
ROOVES IS ALWAYS ENTERTAINING.  EGGING IS AN EXCELLENT WAY TO PASS SOME TIME
TOO.  DURING PARADES AND SHIT YOU CAN REALLY WREAK TREMENDOUS DISRUPTION BY
THROWING EGGS BY THE DOZEN INTO THE CROWD.  THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN
WAS MR. DEATH EGGING A WOMAN IN THE WEST VILLAGE HALLOWEEN PARADE WHO DRESSED
AS
A CLOWN... THE EGG JUST LANDED ON HER TECHNICOLOR AFRO-WIG AND SHOWERED HER.

9) PIGEON FUN - THIS IS REALLY A SEPARATE CATAGORY FOR YOU PIGEON DIE-HARDS
OUT
THERE.  I MENTIONED PLUGGING THEM WITH BB'S... YOU CAN ALSO TRY: TYING THEIR
LEGS TOGETHER... JUST WATCH THES TRY TO LAND ON A LEDGE; TYING M-80S TO THEIR
FEET... WHAT A TRIP!  TYING STRING AROUND THEIR BODY SO THEY CAN'T USE THEIR
WINGS AND DROPPING THEM OFF A BUILDING, AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE, STRAPPING
THEM
TO AN ESTES HOME-BREW MX MISSILE, AND WATCHING THE FEATHERS FLY.

10) FLY FUN - THIS IS MY LATEST HOBBY.  MY HOUSE WAS RECENTLY INVADED BY A
SWORM
OF SICKLY HUGE (I MEAN >HUGE<) FLIES, AND I HAVE BEEN DEVISING CONSTRUCT- IVE
WAYS OF TERMINATING THEM... AND I HAVE COME UP WITH SEVERAL EFFECTIVE AND
ENTERTAINING MEANS. MY FAVORITE WAY IS TO SHOOT THEM WITH RUBBER BANDS (THICK,
STRONG).  REMEMBER TO HAVE A VACUUM HANDY THOUGH, SINCE THEY USUALLY BREAK UP
INTO ITY-BITY PIECES.  TRY SWATTING THEM IN MID-AIR.  IF YOU HIT THEM HARD
ENOUGH, YOU CAN HEAR THEM GO "CLICK" AND SAIL ACROSS THE ROOM... THEM FIND
THEM
AND DISPOSE OF THEM.  ALTERNATIVELY, IF YOU FIND THEM AND THEY ARE ONLY
STUNNED,
TAKE A SPOOL OF THREAD AND TIE THE END AROUND ITS NECK.  LEAVE THE SPOOL WITH
SOME SLACK IN A VISIBLE PLACE, AND YOU HAVE AN INSTANT CONVERSATION PIECE! 
JUST
IMAGINE WHAT YOUR FRIENDS WILL THINK!  THIS IS NOT ADVISABLE WITH NYC FLIES...
YOU WILL PROBABLY CONTRACT A TERRIBLE DISEASE AND DIE A FIERY DEATH.  FLY'S
REVENGE.

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR NOW.  GO OUT AND HAVE SOME REAL FUN.  WHO NEEDS TO PLAY
SPY HUNTER OR GALAXIAN WHEN YOU CAN WREAK >TRUE< HAVOC AROUND YOUR BLOCK?
I'LL BE BACK WITH THE LATEST IN FALL FUN NEXT TIME, ON EVERYONE'S FAVORITE
SHOW ---- CAPTAIN CRASH AND THE DEATH SQUADS OF THE COMMUNIST MUTANT WORLD!

MISTER YANSU
