
                 Stealth Systems Product Listings
  
                           1987 Edition

Steven D. Drucker - President, Commander-in-chief, head egomaniac.


Introducing  the new 1987 product line which the nerds we keep  in 
our  back  rooms worked unreasonable hours to produce  for  little 
monetary gain... 
  

"Clumsy Rambo Knife" - Never cut yourself again,  or anything else 
for that matter.   Our stainless plastic knife is guaranteed to be 
absolutly safe or your money back.

"Super-Deluxe Squirt Gun  - Our jet powered RPG squirt gun can  be 
used against your friends.   After play,  Dad can take it and  use 
the  high powered pressurized nozzle to wash the  car.   Flip  the 
switch  to DESTROY and take out that  unfriendly  neighbor.   Only 
$750.

Attack Craft:   Yes, you've seen it on star trek and taken control 
in  the  arcades.   Now  is  your chance to  own  a  squadron   of 
F.A.R.T.S. - Fighter Airborne Response Tactical Ship.  Join Oliver 
North  in  helping the contras or set up your own  pacific  island 
regime.  This baby carries state of the art QUADPULSE laser canons 
with sidewinder missile cappability.   A must for Christmas!  List 
price: 1 million.

  
ARMY SURPLUS NUCLEAR TIMER:  Yes, you too can now possess the same 
timer  that  controlled  the detonation over  Hiroshima  in  1945!  
Fully armed and guaranteed to get that lazy sleeper out of bed  in 
the morning.  Snooze button doubles as detonator.  Only $25

Demon  Worshippers  Handbook:  You've listened to  those  Bon_Jovi 
records  backwards,  now  read about what they're  talking  about.  
Learn to cast spells,  perform sacrafices,  and other neat  stuff.  
Kids- Here's your big chance to get back at that nasty teacher who 
tried to flunk you last semester! Only 2.50.

CPR  Cards:   It's nearing graduation.   Have you taken  your  CPR 
course yet?  With these you don't have to!  Simply sign your name, 
forge  a doctors signature,  and show it to your  principal!   The 
perfect gift for a high school senior.  $15 blank $50 forged.

These  and many other interesting items await you in our  showroom 
or  call 1-800-DUMSTUF,  thats 1-800-D U M - S T U F and we  thank 
you for your support.
