
 [ The National Enlightener. Vol: ][! ]

The issue everyone has been waiting for
is now on your computer screen! (or 
piece of printout paper). 

In this action packed ELITE issue, we
bring you: ELITE.Interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!

With mega-elite special guests! Just 
read on.

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(Mega-Elite Interviews, will be given
in the time honored tradition of. ME:
AN:, as set down in the ELITE.Interview
rules of The Infiltraitor.)
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Speaking of The Infiltraitor..... (Drum
roll please) (thanks). here he is! The
master of the hidden walkman, The elite
audiophile, the writer of 800 sector
text files, Mr. "ME: AN:" Infiltraitor!

ME: It's so good of you to take time
    out of your busy typing schedule to
    show up for this interview.

AN: (fidgeting with hidden walkman). My
    pleasure, really it is. Glad to be 
    here.

ME: Good, good. Now the question on the
    minds of our readers is: What do 
    you do when you aren't typing up 
    conversations you had with ELITE!
    people?

AN: Well I like to relax by cleaning
    my walkman and counting my tape
    collection. It's hard on the fingers
    writing up huge text files you know.

ME: Actually, I don't know. Our's are
    always short. But nevermind that,
    what we really want to know, is
    the answer to that nagging question
    we have all been asking: WHY!??!?!?

AN: It had to be done you know. There is
    no accurate journalism being done
    now. Besides, it plastered my name
    on every board in North America. I
    get cool access everywhere, you 
    might even say I'm ELITE! now. But
    don't quote me on that.

ME: We wouldn't do that... Well we 
    really must be moving along now,
    we don't even have a word processor
    that could fit a 200 sector file
    into memory!

AN: Well don't worry, ELITEWRITER will
    be out soon. Then you can write 
    like I do. Trample the most stupid
    and trivial points into the dust,
    have 8 hour conversationa with
    people you catch on your way out
    of the bathroom, use lots of verbs,
    adjectives, even make up things at
    random just to fill space!

ME: Sounds elite to us. Well drop in
    when you finish part II.

AN: What part II?

ME: In the file you said you were doing
    part II.
 
AN: Oh yes that. Well it's progressed
    beyond that. So far it's 25 disk
    sides long, hopefully I will finish
    the next 75 sides this month, and
    come out with the ELITE.CD-ROM!!!!!
    With it you can look up any elite
    person since the dawn of time, and
    find out everything they ever said
    in their lives. Totally elite huh?

ME: {Impressed. Emulating Inf's curly
    cew's in deference to his obviously
    ELITE idea.} That sounds awesome, 
    keep us posted!

AN: You bet, gotta go now, things to be
    typed up you know.

ME: We understand.

AN: Bye

ME: Bye!

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Next up, is that master of english, the
undisputed king of b942'ers (sorry 
Gadget Master, He's been doing it for
years, while you are new on the ware
mutilation scene), that prophet of 
where the computer industry is headed,
the master programmer himself, The 
"Buy an Amiga before Commodore goes out
of business" Atom!!!!!@!@#!@!1!@11!!!!!

ME: So good of you to show up!

AN: Yah, I knaw it is. My Tame is vary
    taght raght naw.

{Conversions from the letter "a" to what
really belongs there, are courtesy of 
out proofreading dept.}

ME: Innovative spelling style you got
    there Atom.

AN: You trying to make fun of me? you 
    fucking Apple using moe.

ME: Perish the thought Atom. We wouldnt
    do that to you.

AN: Good, now what you want, I have to
    hurry home and get Stickybear AMiga
    coloring disks 1-96.

ME: Ok, we understand. What we really
    wanted to ask you is, when you're
    not calling every board in the 
    world and ragging on anyone who
    owns any computer other then a
    Amiga, what do you do with your
    time? We've  had promises of
    Thieves Guild ][, for years now,
    you said you were doing a marble
    madness adoption for the Apple,
    and 500 other sundry things. So
    what are you really doing now?

AN: Fuck you moe, It's not that I'm not
    a great programmer, but it's the 
    Apple's fault, I gave it a chance, &
    it didn't confer the secrets of 
    decent programming onto me overnight
    so fucking fuck it. The Amiga rules,
    do you understand me moe? it fucking
    rules the world, it rox layk an ox,
    its cool beyond words, it, it...it,
    has PICTURES!@#!!@!@#@#@112!@!@!!1!

ME: Yes we underst...

AN: No you don't! it has awesome pix &
    games and god it's great. God i'm
    great. 5ive staR will reunite to
    rock the AMiga world to it's found-
    ations!

ME: Oh no..

AN: Was that a insult you fucking moe?
    Don't fuck with me Crapple user.

ME: No, we wouldn't do that.

AN: Good you moe. And about thieves 
    guild ][. it rox all over proving
    grounds, it is the best program 
    written since I did Disk Rigger &
    Disk-Fer ///.

ME: ..... ah yes... it sounds just
    awesome... will this one have lots
    of spinning cursors too?

AN: FUck yes, it has a 196 phaze cursor
    and upside-down flashing backspace
    trik text m0d!

ME: Sounds great. Tell us, will there
    be a 1986 lozerlist? Or was there
    a 1985 lozerlist that we missed?

AN: Fuck you you fucking m0e kn0b fuck
    stick. That's 0ne eyes fault, it
    wasn't supposed to be given out.
    It's not my fault!

ME: {Bowing down and recognizing the
    Atom's ELITE COMMANDMENTS quote.}
    Well, so why did you write it?

AN: Because it was the ELITE thing to
    do fuckstick.

ME: Any comments on the un-elite 
    behavior of 0ne eye?

AN: What you fucking kn0b? he's elite,
    he's never done anything unelite in
    his life.

ME: Well we were reffering to him
    knocking up some girl, dropping
    out of high school, and having
    a job as a bellboy.

AN: Fuck you, lies all lies, it's not
    his fault that he's too dumb to use
    birth control. I told him girls had
    cooties, but he just wouldn't 
    listen to me. Look where it got him.
    But he's still elite!!@#!@11@!@2!!!

ME: Well thank you for your time, any
    departing comments?

AN: Yah, be looking forward to the 1986
    userlist, which will be done as soon
    as a word processor comes out for 
    the AMiga. 

ME: It doesn't have a wor...

AN: Shut up kn0b, it rules, games are
    more important. Now go away, I
    have things to do.

ME: Thanks for your time. Bye bye

AN: Fuck off kn0b.

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That faithfull readers wraps up our 
elite.(elite.journalist).interviews.

Be looking forward to our next issue,
coming to something near you soon! 

Excerpts from issue ]I[:
------------------------

Actual un-retouched quotes of the 
elites! Look and Learn!:


The (414 (innovative name)) Wizard
and his Cryt0n login system!

See Broadway Hacker ask stupid
questions!

See Mr. Xerox say everyone in the 
world but him and his co-god lord
digital, suck!

See Zero Page rag on all the new 
pirates and every member of LOD
to boot!

See The Tempest agree with him!

See King Blotto rag on everything!

See Mr. Krac-Man tell everyone to
fuck off!

See The Chief Surgeon Ragging on
Apple Bandit!


all this and much much more! the first
portion will be COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED
posts of the mentioned people. So they
can speak for themselves. Following 
that will be our witty commentary &
exclusive (ELITE) Phreak <> Pirate
counterparts! mix & match personalities
of ELITE pirates & phreaks!@#!@#11@@!!2

Plus a EXCLUSIVE! Personality Analysis
of the ELITES! answering the question:
"Why are you elite?" once and for all!!

Don't miss it!!@#!@#121@!@!@@!!!!!!!!!!


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"I'm can't be wrong, I'm Elite" (C) The
National Enlightener.  If it's  not NE,
then it's not elite!
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