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 *                                                               *
 *                 The Digital Gang: Rag File 1                  *
 *                Written by: The Cookie Monster                 *
 *                                                               *
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    The first time I ever heard  of  the  Digital  Gang,  was on
 "Super Hires Scroller".  I thought  it was a pretty nice program.
 Useless, but nice.  I  thought  The  Dragon  Lord and Tom E. Hawk
 were pretty cool people.  They did  nice work, they had a certain
 extent of originality.  Over  the  months,  they put out more and
 more software.  Their  originality  started to fade.  Every title
 page looked the same.   It  seemed  that  they had a liking for a
 particular font named "Park Avenue".   But still, I respected The
 Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk a lot.  I thought that they had to be
 pretty smart people to crack that  many wares.  On the other hand
 Sherlock Apple never did  match  up  to  them.  He obviously only
 bought the wares.  He  had  money  but  no talent.  As the months
 progressed, I kept trying to  get  something  decent to crack.  I
 had found over cracking a  lot  of  software  and staying up late
 swearing at my computer,that I could crack most any software that
 could come out for the  Apple.   Finally,  I  got  a call from my
 friend The Owl.  He said he had  been  trying to reach me for the
 past two weeks (you see, I have  a  social life too), and that he
 had a hot new ware for me  to  try  and  crack.  I thought it was
 another old  one.   Something  like  Dinosaur  Dig  that had more
 challenge in putting a title page  on than in cracking it.  Well,
 I was sort of right.  It was an  incredibly  easy  crack.  It was
 also called "Raid Over Moscow".    It  was the best game that had
 come out for a long time.  The Raven  helped me distribute it, in
 exchange for having his  name  on  the  page.  I thought this was
 cool especially since I wasn't  on  very many out of state boards
 and he was.  So I let him  do  it.   It  was uploaded everywhere.
 All of a sudden, we  were  popular,  everyone  wanted us on their
 boards.  I didn't call everyone's board, but I did do something I
 had wanted to do for a very  long  time.   The Raven and I talked
 with The Dragon Lord.  He was stupider than I thought.  The whole
 time we talked with him, he shouted  at the TV set.  I thought he
 wasn't playing with a full  deck,  but  Raven told me that he was
 over enthusiastic  about  sports.   I  never  did get him to talk
 technical with me.  Then there was time that he sang "Shot In The
 Dark" by Ozzy Ozbourne over the phone  to Raven,  this made Raven
 wonder if I was right about TDL's mental state.  We never did get
 close to the reclusive Tom E. Hawk.  I wondered if there was more
 than everyone knew and believed  about  Digital Gang, but I never
 bothered to ask....
      A couple of months later, we  met  up with some more people.
 They were basically unknowns.   But  we didn't care, just as long
 as they weren't imbeciles.  We met  a person named Apple Spy.  He
 had something to tell us.  I don't  think he would have ever come
 to us if it hadn't been for  Digital  Gang's  idiocy.  There is a
 board called The Haven.  I knew  that  several  of Digital Gang's
 members were on there, but I had never  called it.  Raven told me
 a lot about it though.   Apparently,  someone  had stolen part of
 Micro Nut's exclusive BBS software  and Digital Gang was using it
 in their other BBS, Apple Trade  Center.   Micro Nut accused them
 of stealing (which is a  ridiculous  concept  for pirates anyway)
 and Dragon Lord and Schmucklock Apple got upset.  They called for
 a boycott and they  got  about  12  people  to  participate.  The
 people who did participate were  losers  anyway,  so there wasn't
 any  real  loss.   DG   even  had  the  gall  to  say  the  Raven
 participated, even though he still  calls The Haven occasionally.
 They had done more than ask for a  boycott though.  They attacked
 Apple Spy in the rudest form I  can  even imagine.  Apple Spy had
 recently had a  heart-attack.   Dragging  Whore  and  Schmucklock
 Apple had thought this  was  funny  (in  their  own sick way) and
 decided to rag on Apple Spy for  it.   They  sent him E-Mail that
 said "Apple Spy will die!!" and  several  other  things not worth
 mentioning.
      I couldn't believe it.  I had  never  heard of pirates being
 so inhumane.  Well  Apple  Spy  told  us  more.   He told us that
 Dragging Whore never could crack.   He once spent 10 hours trying
 to crack "Fuzzywomp", which isrX  very simple DOS 3.3 crack.  He
 told us that the only thing that Dragging  Whore had ever cracked
 on his own  was  something  called  "Decimal  Sheet".   Then  the
 question came; Then who does  crack  their stuff?  Apple Spy told
 us... Tom E. Hawk.  He said that TEH  never was into the fame and
 glory game and  that  he  cracked  just  for  the  challenge.  So
 Dragging Whore would just get  the  cracked  software from Tom E.
 Hawk and slap a title page on  proclaiming  that  he had actually
 cracked it.  With a nice little  "Thanks Tom E. Hawk" down at the
 bottom.   Tom  never   protested,  so  there  wasn't  a  problem.
 Dragging Whore was destined for the  pirate hall of fame (I don't
 know where it is,  but  I  suspect  that  it  is on some lame BBS
 screaming for  users).   I  asked  Apple  Spy  about "Super Hires
 Scroller", what was TDL's contribution  to that?  The title pages
 were all that he did.
      Well, at this point, I was only  slightly  upset.  It wasn't
 because they were lying to  every  damn  pirate in the nation, it
 was because once, I had  looked  up  to  these guys.  I still did
 look up to TEH and continue to do so.  Even if he did "steal" his
 code from EOA for his booter.  It still is an incredible booter.
      Soon, I became furious...   Apple  Spy  continued to tell us
 about our own ware "Raid  Over  Moscow".   The  night that it was
 distributed, Dragging  Whore  picked  up  a  copy from someone (I
 imagine it was Schmucklock).   He  called  Apple Spy and told him
 about this awesome new action  game.   He  said that he wanted to
 release it.  After all,  who  had  heard  of  The Bunnymen before
 this?  He told Apple Spy that  they  had  already put a new title
 page on it (cracked by  you  know  who).   Dragging  Whore wanted
 Apple Spy to call up The  Haven  and  remove  our  crack so their
 version could be uploaded.    Apple  Spy then told Dragging Whore
 the news.  He already had it  and  he had been playing all day...
 At this point Dragging Whore  got  very  upset.  If Apple Spy had
 it, then everyone probably everyone had it.  If they released it,
 then everyone would rag  on  them  for  a double release (another
 stupid concept).  So Dragging  Whore  held  back and didn't touch
 it.  Raven and I once talked to  Dragging  Whore about "Raid Over
 Moscow".  This was before we even knew about what he had tried to
 do with our title page.  He  explained  to us that it was already
 in the stores up in Canada and that they had plans to release it,
 but they were too  busy  (right).   Access  Software  is about 10
 miles from my house.  To this  date,  they still haven't released
 "Raid Over Moscow".
      Our next big release was  "Intrigue".   It  was also a great
 piece of software.  We had been offered  garbage like "Glidepath"
 (a real tough Applesoft crack,  Martyr,  you  stupid ass-kisser),
 but we turned it down.  We had also gotten "Universe II".  We had
 it for about two months.   I  had  never  bothered to look at it,
 because I had just gotten my Amiga  and was enjoying it entirely.
 Raven didn't care either, his  copy  was  buried in his room.  We
 let Dr. Encinitas look at it,  he  screamed at its complexity (no
 offense Dr. E.), so I realized  that  I probably didn't have time
 to screw with it.  Besides, I  would  rather go see "Lords of The
 New Church" with two voluptuous females  than stay home and crack
 "warezz".  So we let it pass..  The  news came later that Digital
 Gang was planning to  release  "Universe  II"  very  soon.  Raven
 requested for me to look at it.  I  finally said OK.  I went over
 to his house and he told me  that  he had just gotten "Intrigue".
 I read the review  and  I  decided  that  it  looked  better than
 "Universe", so I did it.   It  took  about  15  minutes to crack.
 There was a small problem  with  the  code  for the safe.  I told
 Raven that I didn't have time to screw  with it.  He told me that
 was fine and that he would make  sure  that  all the codes to the
 safe were included on the dox.  I  asked if I could leave, but he
 reminded me about "Universe  II".   He asked to me to take a look
 at it at Alley Cat's house if I  had  time.   Right now I have no
 idea where that disk is.  Raven  frequently  jokes  with me about
 returning the disk.   After  getting  the  disk  from him, I then
 walked out  the  door  and  saw  "Ferris  Bueler's  Day  Off"  (I
 thoroughly recommend to any DG member  who hasn't been out of his
 room for three years).
      The next  day,  Raven  told  me  that  "Intrigue"  had  been
 distributed everywhere with the dox.   He also told me that a new
 member Mr. Slick had just cracked "Universe II".  He said that we
 had to hurry and release  it.   He  told  me that Rick Rocker had
 informed him that Digital  Gang  was  planning  to release it the
 next day.   I told him that  I  really  didn't  care.  He told me
 that all I needed to do was to  go  down to Alley Cat's house and
 fix the booter.  Ahhh,  the  booter.   Yes,  it  was true, we had
 gotten a hold of Tom E. Hawk Boot.   Although the person who gave
 it to us shall  remain  unidentified,  we  were probably the only
 people outside of DG who had a  copy.   I  realized that it would
 probably piss them off quite a bit  if we left it as "Tom E. Hawk
 Boot".  So I simply changed the  encoding  and put "The Bunnymen"
 in the center of the screen.  I  had  done this by patching it by
 hand on "Intrigue", but The Raven didn't know how to do this.  So
 I simply patched the booter and  told  him  how to do it over the
 phone.  It was only obvious  to  anyone  who  knew anything about
 disk access that we had stolen the booter.  Tom E. Hawk sent mail
 to Lord Sauron (on The Haven of all places) saying that it was OK
 if we used the booter, but he  wanted  credit.  Later we released
 "Continents  and  Countries".   Not  only  did  we have the "Hulk
 Bunny" crushing that stupid DG logo, but we changed the booter to
 "Bun E. Boot".  This pissed off Tom.  He said that we had no idea
 of how it worked, so  we  shouldn't  be  using it.  Well, Tom the
 only thing I can say to that is I  do.  It would have been no big
 deal to steal it right off  of  any  disk  that you guys have put
 out.  You place the track and sector numbers in pairs right after
 your name, which is "encoded"  by  EORing  it with a $69.  If you
 want me to Sourcerize it and comment it I will.  But realize that
 if I do that, I won't just give  you  the  source code (you don't
 need it),  I'll give it to every damn person in the free-world (I
 wonder if that  includes  Canada?).   Then  your  precious booter
 won't mean a thing.  Besides, did you give EOA credit?
      Later, Schmucklock began  to  scream  about  "Intrigue".  He
 stated that it was a bad crack,  simply  because we didn't bother
 with fixing the safe.  So he  had  that awesome cracker The Sheik
 fix it.  Little did he know  that  on  CPU (801) 277-3200,  Alley
 Cat already had fixed it.   Alley  Cat is the little brother of a
 good friend of mine.  He is  in  8th  grade  and he already knows
 more than 90% of Digital Gang.   What  the patch consisted of was
 changing track: $03, sector: $03, byte: $C6, from a $12 to a $11.
 That sounds like it is about  your  speed Trojan (whoops, I meant
 Sheik),  you don't even change  one  byte, you change one bit.  I
 haven't looked at your  patch,  but  I  imagine that uses about a
 dozen NOPs.  From what I have heard from the Talisman, you didn't
 even crack "Neven Ending Story"  by  yourself.   Maybe you should
 re-read your  "Digital  Dictionary"  (What's  next?   Real Pirate
 Guide IX?) and look under  "ignorent"  (ig'  ner ent (the e's are
 phonetic  schwas),   not   pronounced   "ig-ne-rent",   you  dumb
 ass-wipes).   Should  I   even   mention  that  "Incompetent"  is
 pronounced "in kom' pi  tent"  (the  e  is  also a schwa) and not
 "in-kam-pet-ent".   Do you often kick yourself in the face Trojan
 or is  this  a  new  thing?   Or  was  Triton  and  High  Voltage
 responsible for your "incompetence"?
      Schmucklock later declared that  I  didn't  crack "Raid Over
 Moscow" by myself.  He said I  used  "Disk  Jockey Kracks II".  I
 don't even own that disk.  I don't even have "DJ Kracks I".  If I
 am such a lousy cracker,  how  did  I  do "Intrigue"?  Oh yeah, I
 forgot, bad crack.   Everything  that  comes  out  of an assembly
 language genius such  as  yourself  Schmucklock  has to be truth.
 You later ragged us because "Universe II" was an "old ware".  Why
 were you planning to  release  it  the  day after?  You want "old
 wares"?  Look at "Instant Pascal".  You also said that "Intrigue"
 was a stupid  "mail-order  ware".   Ohh,  I  am so hurt by such a
 strong accusation.
      Today, Raven told me that  someone  had  put out a text file
 called  "Bunnymen  Trivia".   Apparently  it  was  a sack of lies
 written by someone who was so guttless that they didn't even sign
 their name.  Obviously another  closet-case  Digital Gang member.
 The file said that we  had  millions  of  members...  Here is the
 member  list  as  of  today:  Me,  Raven,  Lord  Sauron,  Cyborg,
 Marauder, Pac-Rat  and  Alley  Cat.   These  are  the people that
 actually do something. <DATA LOSS>
 We don't define our members as only
 being able to distribute.  Our distributors give us input on what
 needs to be done and they are respected  for the job they do.  We
 have about four of  them.   I  don't  want  to  name any of them,
 because I am not sure if  they  want  to  be included.  I am sure
 that each and every group has just as many distributors as us.
      Well, that about summs it up.  Everything you wanted to ever
 know about Digital Gang,  but  were  afraid  to ask.  Recently, a
 boycott has been called against the  Apple Trade Center.  I fully
 support it.  I never did  call  Apple  Trade  Center  and I never
 will.  I hear that have some pretty good Amiga wares up.  I laugh
 at that.  I have and will  always  have more Amiga wares than you
 Triton.  Your friend Admiral Ackbar has learned that fact and now
 he is benefiting from it.  You are  so stupid, you probably don't
 even sleep right.  You don't  even  have  a prayer with the Amiga
 pirates.   The Digital Gang may  put  out their "Bunnymen Trivia"
 and their  "Digital  Dictionaries"  and  their  "Dragging Whore's
 Guide To Good Cooking", but always realize this.  They don't know
 the first thing about me.  I  never  talked with any of them on a
 friendly basis.  So they can go  ahead  and ask their ass-kissers
 (ie: Punisher, The Watcher, and  Pieces  of  Eight), to write all
 they want.  I personally don't give a damn.
      Finally, I am asking  everyone,  not  to  just boycott Apple
 Trade Center, but everything  Digital  Gang does.  If they upload
 something to your board, delete  it.   If  a member signs on your
 board, don't let them on.  The Bunnymen, First Class, and LSD can
 supply your every software need.
 
 Typed July 13, 1986, on an Amiga, by The Cookie Monster, user #34
 on <C><P><U> (801) 277-3200.
 With thanks for advising to The Raven, user #65.
 
 Our apologies to Apple Spy.
