                                  T H E

                               Z E P H Y R

                      __     M A G A Z I N E
                     {__]++++++++++++++++++++++++++[]
                     Issue #19                6-21-86

                A weekly electronic magazine for users of
                            THE ZEPHYR II BBS
                        (Mesa, AZ - 602-894-6526)
                    owned and operated by T. H. Smith

                        Editor - Gene B. Williams

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                                (c) 1986

    THIS ISSUE:

       It's miscellaneous time again! (Ahhh, memories of the Rovin'
    days - see Issue #13 if you don't know what I mean.)
      Some strange things happen in this crazy world of ours.

                                ROVIN' #1

      A burglar in New Hyde Park, NY got a bit too wary. Instead
    of taking the time to try to open the safe at a gas station he
    was robbing, he used an explosive to blow off the door.
      The blast didn't just blow off the door - it also incinerated
    all the money inside. According to police, the burglar got away
    with a couple of dollars, if even that much.

      In Osage, MO, an armed robber went into a bait store, took
    all the money, etc. from 4 people there, and then glued them
    to the floor.

      In Fort Worth a 22-year-old woman found herself to be pregnant
    with a 16-week-old fetus. As an attempt at abortion, she fired
    a .22 into her stomach. The bullet missed the fetus, but put
    her in the hospital. Assitant District Attorney, Steve Chaney,
    was reported as saying, "If we can get away from the fact that she
    shot herself, what she did was no different from someone who used
    a more traditional method to abort a baby."

      A fancy hotel in San Francisco had a somewhat unwelcome guest
    visit the ladies' room. Employees went in to clean the bathroom
    and found a 45 pound octopus firmly gripping the floor.
      It took 6 employees with broomsticks to pry the frightened
    animal loose. Once they got it up, it was taken to the Steinhart
    Aquarium in the Golden Gate Park.

      A story from Little Rock, Arkansas - dating to July of 1980 -
    tells of an unusual hitchhiker who has baffled the local police.
      A well-dressed man is seen hitchhiking along the main highways.
    Once picked up, he tells the benefactors of the second coming
    of Jesus - and promptly disappears.
      No, he doesn't ask them to stop so he can get out. He just
    disappears.

      An AP story from Sparks, Nevada tells of a local newspaper
    editor - Jan Higginbotham - who was doing a bit of investigative
    reporting, and who found a surprise.
      She was looking through lists of 30 suspects of prostitution
    from the FBI and the IRS. On that list was her own name. Also
    on the list was the name of the wife of the local Chief of
    Police.
      Further study revealed that both the FBI and IRS lists had
    been compiled - apparently at random - by examining the records
    of examinations given by the doctor who examines the prostitutes
    at the Mustang Ranch brothel. The doctor had refused to list
    separately which of his clients were which - so the two agencies
    just took it from there.

      The Illinois State Prison officials found themselves facing a
    touchy situation. One of their male inmates, arrested in Chicago
    for theft, was 75% of the way through a sex change operation.
    About all that remained to be done was the removal of his (her?)
    male sex characteristics.
      After a medical exam, the inmate was moved to the Dwight
    Correctional Center for Women.

      San Quentin had a different sort of problem a few years ago.
    After one of the usual head counts, they found that not only
    was everyone there - they had one too many.
      Eventually they tracked it down to a guy who had broken into
    jail to spread the gospel.

      Two members of an ambulance team in St. Louis were suspended
    after stopping for a pizza while on an emergency run with a
    patient.

                                ROVIN' #2

      Danya Padilla of Montclair, NJ, has come out with a wonderful
    invention for people who hate to exercise. She sells t-shirts
    and sweatshirts with permanently built-in and wet looking sweat
    stains.

      A Texas man found out that his dog had an incurable disease.
    He couldn't bring himself to let the vet put his lifelong
    friend to sleep, and he didn't have the heart to shoot the
    dog himself. So, he tied a stick of dynamite to the dog's tail,
    lit it, and went back in the house.
      The dog broke the rope and trotted into the house, just in
    time for the dynamite to go off.

      An official government report from the Phillipines says that
    eating a cup of termites per day will make a man more macho and
    a better fighter. (The same report advises that the termite
    eaters cook the termites before gobbling them down.)

      I'm not sure of the city, but a short while back in some Mexican
    village, a local policeman accidentally shot an innocent bystander.
    The citizens were so upset that they stormed into the city hall
    and forced the mayor to eat 12 pounds of bananas.

      Remember that old Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue"? It's
    based on fact.
      The person is Sue K. Hicks, who happens to have been the
    assistant prosecutor in the 1925 Scopes "monkey trial." He was
    named after his mother.

      Talk about a computer foul-up:
      The brand new Lutheran Brotherhood Building - a 17-story
    insurance office building in Minneapolis - was about to be
    finished off. What was needed was 12,056 panes of specially
    hardened and copper-toned glass. This was to come from a
    plant in Pittsburgh (The Pittsburgh Plate Glass Co.). Due
    to a computer error every pane was precisely 3 inches too
    long. Since, due to its nature, the glass couldn't be cut
    to the correct size, it all had to be trashed and replaced.

      Or how about accuracy in scientific predictions?
      In the 19th century German scientists "proved" that if
    trains went faster than 15 miles per hour the passengers
    would suffocate in tunnels, and would have blood pouring
    from their nostrils at all times if the train exceeded that
    "frightful" speed.

      A scientist has been fired by Standard Oil for discovering
    that there is enough oil in the ground to last at present
    consumption rates for at least 2,000 years.

      For you guys, the next time you shave, show a little respect
    for your beard.
      A whisker grows at a rate of 5 1/2 inches per year (.015 inches
    per day), or a total of 27 1/2 feet for the 75 year life expectancy
    of the average American male. An average shave yields about 65 mg
    of whisker, for a total of about a pound after 16 years.
      Your beard covers about 0.3 sq. ft. and contains approximately
    15,500 whiskers. When dry they have about the same strength as
    copper wire of the same size.
      Statistically, more women shave with a blade than men, and
    women begin shaving at an earlier age.

                                ROVIN' #3

      The next time you pay your auto insurance, show -them- a bit
    of respect, too. They have a hard time dealing with the excuses
    their clients give as to the cause of accidents.
      "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of
    times before I hit him."
      "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
      "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and
    vanished."
      "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to
    swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
      "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
    mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
      "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I
    ran over him."
      "I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced
    off the hood of my car."
      "The other car collided with mine without giving any warning
    of its intentions."
      "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck
    the pedestrian."
      "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with
    a tree I didn't have."
      "I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my
    universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident."

      The Oklahoma State Insurance Company Commissioner lost a bet
    to his Arkansas counterpart over a football game. As a result,
    he had to wear a red plastic pig on his head all day.
      His private secretary was quoted as saying, "I break up
    every time I see him. I haven't been able to take dictation
    all day."

    Stuck a feather in his cap . . .
      Ah, yes. Yankee Doodle Dandy. An American great. Quite a few
    people know that the song came to us during the American Revolution
    as a song sung to the American troops by the British to ridicule
    them.
      What most people don't realize is that the song (the music to it)
    began 1000 years ago as a church song in Italy. It was so popular
    that the people put words to it and started to sing it in the fields
    to amuse themselves.
      By the time Shakespeare came along, it had "degenerated" into
    a nursery rhyme.

      Ever hear the song, "Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout" by Shel
    Silverstein? It might have been based on a true incident.
      A woman was arrested for keeping 12 tons of garbage in her
    house. The house was so full that it took police some time
    before they found a refrigerator and 3 stoves buried in the
    muck.
      Her 13-year-old son testified that his mother had simply
    put boards over the layers so they could move around in the
    house.

      America isn't the only place where things get weird.

      In England, an escaped mental patient was cornered, and a
    trained police dog was sent in. Trouble was, the dog kinda
    liked the guy and settled in to stay. When the police came in
    later, the dog attacked them.
      In Argentina a guy sat down to a lamb dinner with his father-
    in-law - only to find out afterwards that it wasn't lamb at
    all but dog. The man was so upset that he threatened to kill
    everyone; and then to appease his anger, strangled 40 chickens,
    cut the throats of 3 mules and 3 cows, shot 6 more mules dead,
    tromped on and otherwise broke some 1200 eggs and then set
    fire to his father-in-law's house and truck.

      But back in South Carolina - a man sat down to have a chicken
    sandwich and found a chicken neck. He pulled out a gun, shot 3
    people, set fire to the store and the cook's packhouse, then
    went out and set fire to the cook's mother's house.

      Speaking of food - my source doesn't list the city, but it
    does tell of a guy who got arrested for concealing evidence.
    A health inspector came by. This guy plucked a fly from a bowl
    of cream and ate it - thus concealing evidence. The hard way.

      While in Oakland, California a woman (Velma Revels) is suing
    Kwik-Way because she ordered a hamburger and fries and ended
    up getting a hamburger and french fried mouse.

    UNTIL NEXT TIME

      You're welcome to contribute. Just PLEASE be sure that the
    story or item you submit is legitimate. For this end, I'll
    want its source, and preferably the exact wording.
      Everything you saw in this week's issue came from newspaper
    clippings, by the way. (If you can trust the newspapers.)

      We're -still- getting a (in my opinion) low response,
    considering all the work that goes into getting a new magazine
    out to you each week.
      Consider this a challenge. Just TRY to do an issue even once;
    or to get a real feel for it, try to knock out an issue every
    week while going to school or holding down a full-time job.
      From some users, the only time I hear from them is if weekly
    issues are threatened - or as a complaint that a particular
    issue isn't exactly what they want to read.
      Okay. So it's boring to hear it again and again that my "pay"
    is exclusively the response on the board. But turn it around.
    Imagine how boring it is for me to have to be leaving little
    reminders like this. To put it bluntly - IT GETS FRUSTRATING!!!
    to crank these issues out week after week, only to have the
    same 3 people respond, with the only input from others, "Ah,
    Gee, why don't you do something else?" (and no suggestions as
    to just what).

      So one more time - if you like to see a new issue go up each
    week, take part! That participation can be in the form of a
    contribution to the magazine, or it can be the traditional
    "subscription rate" of bringing in a new user. (If you do, PLEASE
    let me know. Right about now I need to know.)
      Spread the word. Zephyr's number is 602-894-6526. Try to do
    an issue some time and you'll realize just how little is being
    asked of you in return.

    Next Week?
      If you couldn't tell, I'm more than a little frustrated right
    now about the lack of response and participation (and maybe
    appreciation?).
      So next week?
      Do I need to bother?
      Maybe monthly would be enough?

      Sorry (to the 3 regular respondees) for the state of depression.

Zephyr Magazine is © Gene Williams. All rights reserved.