                                  T H E

                          E S T A B  - L O I D
                    ---------------------------------
                    Issue #5                  2-25-86
                    ---------------------------------

                A weekly electronic magazine for users of
                    The Establishment BBS (894-6526)
                    owned and operated by Thane Smith

                        Editor - Gene B. Williams

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                                (c) 1986

    THIS ISSUE:

         Okay, here we go. Due to all the kind and wonderful comments
    I feel free to indulge myself and talk about the birth of my
    child, and birth in general. I might suggest that you flick on
    the capture mode. I got a bit carried away this week, and a long
    one is coming.
         As was suggested, consider this first part as a disclaimer.
    This week's topic concerns that taboo topic of sex and the
    creation of life. (Oh, horrors!) There's just a little blood, and
    no death or dismembered bodies, so if you're one of the die-hards
    who is trying to protect our morality, you'd better skip this
    issue. (As a personal comment, it has always seemed strange to me
    that movies showing people getting blown to shreds can be rated G
    or PG, while movies about LIFE are kept hidden away. I've been on
    both sides in real life, and believe me - the creation of life is
    much more humanistic than taking of it.)

         With the disclaimer aside:

         I'm not a doctor. And I have no special knowledge, other
    than the fact that I've been through it - and, as a writer, my
    natural curiosity drove me to learn more about it than the norm.
         Feel free to ask questions or to start a discussion
    (including one on the insanity of having violence sanctioned
    while sex is forbidden). If you feel embarrassed, or just want to
    talk about it personally, contact me via the mail section. I'll
    do what I can.

                         THE FAMOUS "BABY ISSUE"

         At 6:03 AM, February 12th, 1986, my first child was born. He
    weighed 7 lbs. 14 oz. and measured in at a length of 19 1/2
    inches. That's just slightly large for a baby, but is nothing all
    that unusual.
         What was unusual was that he came *exactly* on the due date,
    despite what the doctors had been telling us. In fact, Tuesday
    morning on the 11th we went to see the doctor. He said that the
    baby wouldn't be coming for another week.
         We fooled him. By 10 PM that night the cervical plug came
    out, and labor was well under way. We checked into the hospital
    at about midnight. Six hours later there was a new life in the
    world with the name of Daniel Gorden Williams.
         I've done many things in my life. Again, stirred on by a
    natural curiosity, I've been lucky enough to experience more than
    most. But, from start to end, this *has* to rank as the single
    greatest thing ever.

                               Conception

         You know the scientific part of it. Keeping it clean, during
    intercourse several millions of sperm are released. Most of these
    die almost instantly due to the acidity of the female. More get
    themselves zapped out of existence because they were never formed
    right in the first place. A few thousand manage to survive and
    start the long swim. Kinda like the picture many people have of
    the salmon spawning.
         In any case, a few of the testy little buggers manage to
    make it all the way to the egg. Immediately they start burrowing
    in. Only one makes it. The odds for an individual sperm are much
    worse than the odds of any particular person becoming president.
    Think of all your friends, and all their friends, and all the
    people across the United States you don't know and never will. Of
    all of that, everyone is going to try, but everyone is going to
    fail except for one.
         That single sperm works its way through the egg casing and
    the DNA is shared. Another miracle.
         Here we have a handful - and a small handful at that - of
    chemical structures that kinda hang onto the side of a one-sided
    ladder. Each is like a key, and will fit into only very specific
    other keys.
         Think of that ladder again, and one that is, say, a mile in
    length. The Jolly Green Giant has stamped his foot down through
    the center of the entire ladder, and all the rungs are shattered
    to bits. You have all the parts, though, and it's your job to
    take a bottle of Elmer's Glue and stick it all back together
    again so that the repaired ladder is idental to the original.
         You have to do it just right. The thing is, each rung of
    that massive ladder also contains a secret clue for the greatest
    treasure ever imagined. Screw up just one rung and you'll never
    find the treasure.
         All that happens automatically. You don't have to think
    about it, and you certainly don't have to get out any glue.

                                 Growth

         The two halves of that ladder come together. That triggers a
    cycle that won't stop for about another 80 odd years. Two half
    cells combine to make a single whole cell (sorta). The first that
    cell wants to do is to split into two more whole cells. Now you
    have two whole cells. Each of those also wants to split - and now
    you have 4 - which want to split - and now you have 8 - which
    want to split - and now you have 16 - and so on.
         Let this go unregulated and what you end up with is a huge
    pot of shapeless oatmeal. But that doesn't happen. It's not often
    that a woman gives birth to a bouncing bowl of hot breakfast.
         Instead, at a certain point there are an almost countless
    number of sub-cellular executive meetings down inside. The cells
    begin to specialize. Some turn into eyes (with additional
    specializations happening, with some of those turning into rods,
    others into cones, others into the cornea, etc., etc., etc.).
    Some make up the muscles and some blend in to make up the nervous
    system to work the muscles. Some of it turns into the hundreds of
    various parts that are needed to make it possible to do the whole
    things all over again in about 15 years.
         It goes on and on that way. From a sperm and an egg -
    neither of which is complete in itself - comes a whole cell. From
    that cell comes all the specialized cells that make up the human
    body. And they all end up in the right places. (How often have
    you seen someone with a part of an eye growing out of his big
    toe?)
         The thought of all the things that can go wrong within all
    that complication and specialization can be scary. And nature
    *does* make mistakes now and then. Birth defects exist - but they
    are relatively rare. Especially when you consider what has to
    happen.
         Considering what has to happen, it's amazing that any of us
    are anything other than those pots of oatmeal. (Think about it
    for a while!)

                                Pregnancy

         Not all that long ago, and still to be found in some parts
    of the world today, the whole thing went something like this:
         Mr. Big Honcho got horny. But that was okay. God in His
    infinite wisdom had created an animal that was just perfect as
    both a slave and as a "vessel of pleasure" for the one TRUE
    creation of God - man.
         The woman would get pregnant as a result. But life had to go
    on. The man had his work, and the woman had hers. Quite often,
    neither job was all that pleasant. It wasn't unusual for both to
    work HARD from before the sun came up until after it went down, 7
    days a week, 52 weeks a year. The fact that the woman's body was
    going through changes didn't matter.
         The diet wasn't much good, either - what diet there was.
         The result was that a high percentage of the new babies that
    came into the world never made it to see their first birthday.
    About half of them didn't live that long. (Think about that next
    time you're sitting around the family dinner table - or at a
    party with some friends. Until relatively recently, about half of
    them wouldn't be there.) And more than a few women died giving
    birth, or died shortly thereafter from massive bleeding,
    infection, etc.
         In short, if you wanted a family of husband, wife and 3
    kids, you just about had to go through more than one wife, and at
    least a half dozen births.
         All that has changed, at least in America. Infant death rate
    is very low in our country, and most of the infant deaths occur
    among the poor and underprivileged who are still living in
    conditions that are about as bad as those of our ancestors.
         I bring all this up to make a point. When your own time
    comes, something strange will happen in your brain (or should!).
    All of sudden you find yourself becoming concerned for the safety
    of the mother and baby.
         Think back at what has to take place for that baby to form.
    All that complexity has to click along flawlessly. Even a small
    mistake in there along the genetic chain and the billions upon
    billions of cells deivisions and specializations can mean that
    the child isn't going to be "whole," or perhaps won't even be
    alive.
         Yet somehow it all *does* take place flawlessly. At least it
    usually does. If the mother eats well, avoids all the bad stuff,
    takes care of herself in general, everything is going to be just
    fine. Regular visits to the doctor cost, but not all that much,
    really. And they make it possible to monitor the progress all
    along the way so as to spot any problems before they really
    become problems.

                                  Labor

         When most of us were born, the tradition was to run the wife
    to the hospital at top speed, shuffle her into the icy delivery
    room - and shuffle the husband off into a waiting room. And to
    make matters worse, momma would often get knocked out with huge
    doses of anesthesia.
         Don't let anyone fool you. Giving birth HURTS! And it's a
    bloody mess. The doctors thought they were doing right to keep
    the father out of the way, and the mother unconscious to the
    pain.
         Think of what is taking place.
         A little body of somewhere around 8 pounds is trying to
    squeeze down through a tunnel that normally resists the passage
    of even a finger. For intercourse to take place without pain for
    the woman, lubrication is needed just so the penis (just slightly
    over an inch thick) can enter. Now all of a sudden a head and
    shoulders has to pass down through that same vagina.
         To use an analogy that many others have used, imagine
    "trying to shit a watermelon." (Excuse me.)
         At the top of the vagina is the cervix. This is a very small
    hole that leads to the uterus. After conception the cervix gets
    corked up tight with a plug of mucus. The uterus then becomes a
    completely sealed bag.
         At the beginning of labor the cervix softens, begins to
    expand, and the plug comes out. (It looks like just what it is -
    a hunk of gooey mucus.) As labor progresses, the cervix continues
    to expand until it is about 5 inches wide. (Hold your fingers
    up.)
         The uterus itself is actually a muscle. It's the involuntary
    flexing of this muscle that makes up what are called "contrac
    tions." That's just what they are, afterall. And they hurt, too.
    Imagine a major set of muscles in your body having a huge charley
    horse every minute or so and you'll get the idea.
         Those contractions dilate the cervix and also help to push
    the baby out of the uterus and down the birth canal. (The rest of
    the push comes from the mother.) For the reasons explained above,
    this time isn't real fun for mom. Here comes that watermelon.
         The cervix has expanded enough to allow a fairly passage for
    the baby. The opening of the vagina hasn't. And if it doesn't
    open up far enough, the flesh can be torn - literally - by the
    baby's head coming through. To prevent this, and especially on
    first births, the doctor will probably perform an episiotomy (I
    hope I spelled that right).
         This is kinda like artificially making the opening larger. A
    cut is made beneath the vagina and down towards the anus - the
    area called the perineum (and I hope I spelled that right, too).
    This is where the tearing will take place if it's going to.
         There's a lot of argument as to the need for this minor
    operation. Less than half of women giving birth will tear. The
    other half will be just fine. Trouble is, the doctor's skilled
    incision is a nice, clean cut - easily stitched up afterwards. A
    tear isn't so clean and *can* present problems later on.
         To cut, or not to cut. . . that is the question. When your
    own time comes, this is something you'll have to decide for
    yourself - although the doctor may take the decision out of your
    hands anyway. If it looks like there will be tearing, he may even
    go against his promise not to cut and do the incision - as a
    semi-emergency operation.
         Whichever way it goes, it's no big deal. Most women never
    even feel the cut; and it virtually always heals up without
    difficulty, other than the little itching that comes with the
    healing of most wounds.
         Back to the birth:
         The final stage - called transition - is fairly quick. It's
    almost always less than 2 hours in length, and is quite often as
    little as a half hour. This is also when things get real messy.
         Through the labor, the woman has been bleeding. The placenta
    (the bag that holds the baby) has often broken open. The fluid
    may have been trickling out, or may have come out in a gush.
    Hopefully, it is a clear liquid, and should have no odor at all.
         At the end, if the placenta hasn't already broken open, it
    will then. Or the doctor will break it. No matter what, it has to
    break.
         Although it isn't always the case, the most common birth is
    head first. The head pushes its way through the wide-open cervix
    and the pelvic bones and slides down through the vagina -
    lubricated by blood and placental fluid.
         When the top of the head first peaks out through the vagina
    (called "crowning") it's almost over. The mother pushes like
    crazy, and eventually the doctor can get his hands on the baby's
    head to assist - and to protect the baby.
         Delivering the head is the worst part. Once that pops out,
    delivery of the shoulders is a breeze. The vagina has been forced
    wide open by this point. Generally it is a matter of seconds
    between the head and the shoulders.
         And suddenly there he or she is!
         At this point many women report a sense of near euphoria.
    The pain suddenly stops and the body is washed with relief.

                               The Newborn
         When Danny came out, he was the strangest sight I'd ever
    seen. He, the doctor and the table were covered with blood and
    goo. (Again - no odor; just messy.) There was a general grayish
    cast to him, and his head looked like it was larger than all the
    rest of his body, and horribly misshapen.
         I was prepared for this, but I can imagine the thoughts
    someone would have who wasn't prepared. "My God! I have a
    deformed baby!"
         Bill Cosby did a skit on childbirth. In it he describes the
    doctor sitting there "like Johnny Bench." Then when the child is
    born he turns to his wife and says, "You just gave birth to . . .
    a lizard."
         Very funny - and very accurate.
         The umbilical is gray and green and red and blue and purple
    and yellow and . . . it looks almost as bizarre as does the baby.
    But look fast.
         At this point everything happens quickly. As soon as the
    head comes out, everything shifts into high gear. Turn your head
    away for a few seconds and you'll miss something very important.
    In a matter of minutes after the head comes out, the birth is
    complete, the umbilical is cut, and the baby is shuffled off to
    be cleaned and checked. All that's left is for the doctor to make
    sure that the entire placenta has come out (or he has to go in
    and get it!) and for him (or her) to patch up and clean up the
    woman. Once again, she is barely conscious of this. Even the
    stitches don't hurt.
         Back to the baby's head:
         Due to the pushing and pulling and crushing it received, the
    baby becomes what is called a "conehead." A very apt description.
    The baby's head has been squeezed and molded into a very strange
    shape so as to make passage down the birth canal easier. It
    doesn't hurt the baby, and doesn't last all that long. (A baby's
    skull is actually quite soft.)
         Danny's birth was a hard one. Consequently, his wasn't just
    squeezed into a strange shape. It was actually injured. Two
    pockets of blood - like massive bruises - formed on the two sides
    of the top of his head. ("He's going to be a little devil," the
    doctor told us. "He already has two horns.") He has been with us
    for 2 weeks now, and the bumps are still there, although
    considerably smaller.
         If the birth of your own child is vaginal, it's head *will*
    have a strange shape. (The only babies that have well-shaped
    heads are those that are delivered by Cesearian.) Be prepared for
    it. In a month or less - and possible within a few hours - it
    will take on its normal shape. Meanwhile, it doesn't affect the
    baby in any way, so don't worry about it.

                              Involvement

         It used to be that the father was shuffled off into a
    waiting room, and mom was knocked out. This has been shown to be
    the worst way to give birth, and fortunately things are changing.
    (Building a family is . . . well, a FAMILY thing! It's not a
    doctor thing, or a hospital thing.)
         With the mother fully conscious, she can provide the pushing
    needed for an easy and safe birth. Unconscious, the doctor has to
    rely on the involuntary contractions only, which often means that
    he has to go get the baby, rather than letting the baby come to
    him. That can cause damage to the mother, and to the baby.
         Worse yet, the drugs that knock out the mother also get into
    the baby. And those are potent drugs. The baby in this case is
    born stoned out of his mind and with all systems heavily
    depressed by the drugs. His respiratory system, for example, has
    to struggle enough to get working. If the anaesthesia makes it
    more difficult for that to happen, the baby is going to need some
    help to breathe.
         As vicious as are the pains, most women can take it quite
    well. Get rid of that macho image. By point of fact, the average
    woman is actually stronger internally and more resilient than the
    average man. If our society didn't train us from birth to think
    of women as "the weaker sex," the hang-up wouldn't exist.
         Even so, there are drugs and techniques available that can
    take the edge of the pains without affecting the mother's
    consciousness in the slightest, and which don't affect the baby
    at all.
         This allows the mother to be completely aware of what is
    going on, but without quite as intense pain. And just minutes
    after the birth, she's ready to give the child his first taste of
    food.
         The shuffling off of the father has always been a sore point
    with me. Just before entering college I had a choice to make. I
    was a chaffeur and body guard for a prominent judge, and he
    wanted to get me into law school. I had a scholarship offered to
    me to enter any engineering science I cared for. My real dream
    was to go into obstetrics. Trouble there was that the girlfriend
    at the time hated the idea of me examining women as a profession.
         I abandoned that dream, but never abandoned the interest.
    Being a close part of having a child was a way of reviving that
    interest to a peak.
         To me, the perfect marriage is one in which your wife and
    lover is also your best friend. And who is better to have
    standing next to you at such a critical time as your best friend?
         Even if I was totally lacking in medical knowledge, my being
    there with Cindy throughout the pregnancy and birth gave her the
    support and strength she needed. Any husband can do the same, if
    he wishes.
         Early in the pregnancy I made it a point to take my wife in
    for her regular visits with the doctor. We were even together
    during the examinations.
         Many guys I've known have strange ideas of what takes place
    in the examination room. I've known some guys who even get
    insanely jealous, and take that out on the woman afterwards. But
    it takes just a little effort to figure it out.
         The woman bares herself, literally, and is up there on the
    table with her legs spread-eagled to a stranger. It's true that
    the doctor is coldly professional. There's nothing sexual about
    this for him (or her), any more than a mechanic gets turned on
    after he has changed out his 10,000th carb. Intellectually the
    woman knows this - but it's still an embarrassing thing.
         Our female users know what I mean. For you guys who don't,
    think of yourself bare-assed at the next GT, sitting up on a
    picnic table with your legs spread wide open and strapped down
    while everyone walks by and pokes and prods and discusses. That's
    an exaggeration, but should give you some idea.
         Having the husband and best friend standing there sounds
    like it would make it all the worse. Not so. The two of you were
    together for the conception. Hopefully you'll be there together
    for the birth. So, why not be there through everything? If
    nothing else, you'll quickly learn how little there is to it.
         Listening to the baby's heartbeat inside the womb is
    something NO ONE should miss. If you've never heard it, think of
    any of the old WWII movies with submarines. The chugga chugga
    chugga shoosh shoosh shoosh of the underwater engines describes
    the sound very well. In fact, if you were ever to make such a
    movie, and used a baby's heartbeat for the sound effects, nobody
    in the audience (other than a doctor) would know the difference.
         The birth itself is messy, as I've said. It's also possible
    that the pushing will cause the woman to take a dump (excuse me
    again) on the table. No big deal. The doctor and nurses have seen
    all that before a thousand times and will clean it away without a
    second's hesitation.
         There is a steady flow of blood throughout the last stages.
    The vagina is magically transformed to something of sexual
    interest to something different. It's just not the same. And for
    perhaps the first time, you'll see things as the doctor does.
         Admittedly, I'm a bit tougher than the average person when
    it comes to dealing with blood and messes. But I honestly feel
    that all but the weakest will be able to stand the sight - and
    will, in fact, not think anything of it at all.
         If the time comes, and the sight of blood, etc. is getting
    to you, keep in mind that she's not hurt. She's in pain, sure -
    but she's not hurt. This isn't an accident with injuries, but the
    coming of a new life in the world, and a life *you* are
    responsible for. When things get at the messiest, it's just about
    over.
         If you still can't stand the sight, then just stay at the
    head of the delivery table and give her all your moral support.
    Let her squeeze your hand through the pain; give her some crushed
    ice to quench her thirst; give her words of encouragement; take
    her insults and yelling without response if it comes to that,
    knowing that she doesn't mean it when she calls you names; make
    it easier for her. Simply be there, and don't watch anything.
         But BE THERE! You won't regret it.

    UNTIL NEXT TIME

         I got a little carried away with this issue. Sorry. But I
    could have gotten even more carried away. It's even tempting to
    do up something like, "A New Father's Reflections" or something
    along those lines.
         Maybe one of these days I will.
         It *does* concern me that there is so much misunderstanding
    of all this. Sex is dirty, while killing is "clean" and fun.
    That's backwards.

         As I started out saying - I'm not a doctor, and am certainly
    no great authority on the subject, but I'll do what I can to
    answer questions or to support a discussion. If you don't feel
    that your question or comment is appropriate to the board, leave
    it to me in mail.

         Next week:
         This was a very long and very serious issue. Maybe next time
    around I'll go back to the lighter side again, or at least do up
    a piece of fiction.
         Keep in mind that this board exists strictly for YOU. It
    really does need your continued support. And we really don't want
    to remain as an exclusive little group. The word needs to be
    spread across the Valley.
         The magazine is here! And there are no successful imitations
    to it anywhere in the country that I know of. We're something
    special and unique in the world.
         Let's share that with as many others as possible. (It's the
    only pay I get for this.)

Zephyr Magazine is © Gene Williams. All rights reserved.