                                  T H E

                               Z E P H Y R

                      __     M A G A Z I N E
                     {__]++++++++++++++++++++++++++[]
                     Issue #33                12-8-86

                A weekly electronic magazine for users of
                            THE ZEPHYR II BBS
                        (Mesa, AZ - 602-894-6526)
                    owned and operated by T. H. Smith

                        Editor - Gene B. Williams

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                                (c) 1986

    THIS ISSUE:

       How frustrating! Here we are in the Christmas season - and
    with an announcement in the last issue that YOUR ideas for gift
    giving were needed - and only one came in.
       Oh well. Maybe new studies will show that a glutting from
    turkey kills the imagination, huh? Or maybe everyone is so lost
    when it comes to shopping that this will be the most valuable
    issue we've ever done?
       It's not too late to contribute. Obviously. That's part of the
    purpose here. Let's make good use of the magazine board for the
    next couple of weeks. Share your ideas, revelations and so forth.
       Or maybe you know of some special sales going on.
       Or of some unique items that are available.

                         The Gifts of Christmas

         It's not always easy to figure out something to give at
    Christmas. Quite often you might find yourself giving up (oooo,
    what a lousy pun) and then buying a sweater or bottle of perfume
    or something else that is nice but not imaginative.
         There is an old saying, "It is better to give than to
    receive." There should be a corollary to that - "It is better to
    give imaginatively." That makes it more fun all the way around.
         That doesn't mean to get carried away with yourself. Just
    because the other person likes the color blue doesn't mean that
    you should give a bucket of paint. (On the other hand, that might
    be the perfect gift! A can of paint and a paint brush to change
    the color of a bedroom - and your own time to do the painting.)
    You have to temper your imagination with some sense.
         Another important factor is cost. How much can you afford to
    spend? $5? $20? $100? $1000? More? (Sheesh!)
         If finances aren't the problem, you're wide open. Buy her a
    new car. Give her a new home out in the country.
         Not quite so wealthy? How about a new stereo? Or a TV and
    VCR? Maybe even a computer and modem?
         Still too rich for your blood and wallet? Not to worry. How
    about $50 in rolls of pennies? (100 rolls of pennies makes an
    impressive - and weighty - gift.)
         Or a complete album collection of her favorite musical artist
    or group?

                               Unique Gifts

         A traditional and relatively inexpensive Christmas gift for
    someone who is a distance away is a photograph - or set of
    photos. (One year, for my parents, I made up a complete book,
    including text. With the help of my brother and sister, I tracked
    down some old family photos to give it all a sense of history. It
    then moved forward to the present.)
         Want something dramatic? How about a large print? An 11x14 or
    even a 16x20? If you have a good negative (35mm or preferably
    larger) making even a poster-sized print isn't horribly expensive.
         For something unique, there is a growing trend towards
    "boudoir photography." Technically this term means "a lady's
    private quarters." Many of the local boudoir portraitists will not
    work with male clients. Very few will work with a couple. Most
    have strict ethical guidelines regardless of the client. Even so,
    a few phone calls could find you the right person for the job.
         It's also entirely possible to have the job done by a friend.
    You can even do it yourself by using the camera's self-timer.
         A variation on the photo idea is a video tape. You may not
    own a video camera, but perhaps you know someone who does. You can
    also rent one. You can even hire someone to make the tape,
    although this can get rather expensive. (If you're interested, I
    can name two people who will do a fine job for less than other
    professional services - Ben Avechuco and myself. We've even talked
    about having special rates for students and/or Zephyr users.)
    In my case, the relatives on my side of the family are all about
    2000 miles away. Only my parents have seen our new house and the
    area. They've seen our new son just one time, when he was just 2
    months old.
         With the help of a friend (Ben Avechuco) we did a complete
    "documentary" on video tape. With Ben taping and me leading the
    way and talking, we walked through the house, took a drive around
    the area, and did plenty of taping of the new son in all his
    cuteness.
         You can vary this to suit. It's easy, for example, to arrange
    a fake news interview, with you as the news item. "The big news in
    Phoenix this season is Joe Schmoe who has just announced that his
    left big toe has been registered with Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
    We were lucky enough to get an interview with the local
    celebrity."
         Maybe you want something more personal. How 'bout a film of
    you taking a hot and steamy bath. "I sure wish you were here,
    sweetie."
         You can even do a duet with you and your sweetie - you pay
    the costs, but both of you have something to treasure.
         The nice thing about making a video is that it can be dubbed
    over and over for relatives in different places. It will always be
    unique and something that the receiver cannot get anywhere else.
    And you can always have a copy of it for yourself. If it's a one-
    time or single person gift (one of those personal things that only
    the other person will see), the cost per copy goes up since there
    are only one or two copies (unless you have your own equipment, of
    course).
         The cost will vary greatly depending on what you want and
    need. If you already own (or can borrow) a video camera, and have
    2 VCRs available for the dubbing, your total cost is just that of
    the tape (about $5 each - pretty cheap). If you have the camera
    but only 1 VCR, you can rent the second for as little as $3 for a
    full day, and make as many as 12 2-hour dubs (or 24 1-hour, or 48
    1/2-hour, etc.).
         Check around for a rental camera. Figure about $50 minimum
    for a day's rental. Possibly more. Definitely more if you also
    need lights.
         Third choice would be to hire someone to handle the camera
    work. There are various companies around who can do it for
    various rates. How much you pay depends on a number of things.
    How long? How well planned? Props? Special lighting? What kind of
    thing do you have in mind? And how good is the cameraman? (You
    get what you pay for, essentially, but don't be fooled by someone
    who charges a high fee simply out of greed or a false sense of
    self value.)
         Once again, if you think something like this might be of
    interest, let me know.

         Still another variation on the theme is to have a portrait
    painted. You probably won't be able to afford a top-notch
    professional. But there are plenty of highly talented art students
    who would love to earn an extra $50 or so for Christmas.
         When hiring a photographer, it's always best to look at some
    samples of the person's work. When it comes to hiring an artist,
    viewing samples becomes critical. If you're after a portrait in
    oil, don't be satisfied with just a pencil sketch as a sample.

                              "Timely" Gifts

         If you flat out can't afford much (hey, it happens), you
    still have two commodities - time and yourself. You can even draw
    up a "Gift Certificate" for your time.
         "This Certificate good for one house cleaning."
         "This Certificate good for one full day of pampering."
         You can even find booklets of certificates along those lines
    (or you can make one).
         There are times when giving of yourself is the most valuable
    and most appreciated gift, even if you can afford more. As a
    simple example, make arrangements with her roommates to get into
    the apartment while she's at work. Clean the place - maybe even
    decorate it or give it some kind of theme. Then cook up a fancy
    dinner (or an unfancy dinner), complete with desert and put
    yourself into the role of a waiter. You can even add a touch of
    humor to it by having a "waiter costume" that you switch in and
    out of, depending on whether you are serving, or sitting as the
    dinner companion.
         Do you have friends who don't know what to give you? Get
    them involved, too. Tell them that the gift you want is a bit of
    their time. Depending on your friends, you can get really carried
    away with things if you want.
         Let's change the scene and make it in your own apartment.
    This gives you plenty of time to set things up. You go pick her
    up and bring her back to the apartment. Your friends watch so
    that you are met at the door by someone, maybe someone with a
    fake accent. You are then escorted inside and seated. Your
    "waiter" brings a fake menu. Another group of friends makes up
    the entertainment while you eat. Singing, dancing, whatever.
    Afterwards, they all gracefully and quietly disappear so that the
    evening ends romantically with just the two of you. If your
    relationship is more intimate, it might end with a long and
    tender massage with warmed and scented oil. (This is a terrific
    way to end things if the "gift" is being given by a girl to her
    boyfriend or husband!)
         Stretch your imagination and you just might find that this
    is one of the best gifts you've ever given - and the best gift
    you've ever given to yourself.
         The meal itself can be simple or fancy, depending on how
    much you can afford. You have to eat anyway, so the actual cost
    is rather minor. And you'd be surprised at what you can do with
    just a couple of dollars.
         For example, how about serving individual game hens? That's
    fancy, and classy. It's also very inexpensive. Basha's has them
    on sale right now for $1.69 each. So, for about the cost of a Big
    Mac you can have "squab." And they're not hard to cook. Instruc
    tions are on the bag, usually (375 for an hour). A box of
    stuffing (about $1) adds even more class. Instant potatoes are
    fairly decent these days if you don't have the time or inclina-
    tion to make the "real" things (another $1, maybe). Warming up a
    can of green beans is easy (and cheap - Basha's has those on sale
    right now, too - S&W at 33c per can). For a simple desert, maybe
    some chocolate pudding in individual glasses - or ice cream the
    same way.
         Total cost of the dinner for two - less than $5.
         You know the person. This may not be appropriate as a
    Christmas gift, as such. But it sure makes a nice added touch,
    for any time of year. Maybe the "real" gift can be there, and
    given afterwards.

         An old tradition was to extend the Christmas season over a
    period of time. Ten days before Christmas, for example, you give
    her something small. The next day the gift is a little better,
    and the next better yet - and so on, building to that big and
    wonderful gift at Christmas. You can even extend it beyond
    Christmas, with the level of gifts going back down again.
         If you don't want to deliver a package each day, deliver
    them all at once, with each package dated.
         This kind of thing is a wonderful way to exercise your
    imagination. If day 1 is a candy bar, day 2 might be a McDonald's
    gift certificate, then day 3 might be a decorative wreath. You
    can stick in ideas all your own. Maybe a picture of yourself. Or
    a hand-made gift certificate of your own (back to the "This
    Certificate Good for One House Cleaning" or such things). If her
    family is a long way away, maybe one day you can give cash with a
    note - "Call Home." Dated for Christmas Eve the package might
    contain a stocking stuffed with goodies.
         This sort of thing *can* get rather expensive. That depends
    on you. Stretch your mind and imagination and needn't cost all
    that much.

                              Hiding a Gift

         When Cindy and I first married we couldn't afford rings. All
    of our income went for the necessities, and we were both logical
    and rational enough to realize that food on the table and the
    ability to pay the bills was more important than a symbol and a
    debt.
         A few years later we were in much better shape. The rings
    and diamond made up a part of the Christmas gifts. Cindy didn't
    know anything about it. I even got the measurement of her finger
    while she was sleeping.
         Her sister got in on it. At my request she "let it slip"
    that I was buying Cindy a sewing machine. In keeping with that, I
    took a large box, set in two concrete piers, and framed them in
    place with wood so they wouldn't move.
         But the rings weren't in the box. Instead I had an envelope.
    In the envelope was a note to Cindy saying that I culdn't afford
    anything better, but maybe we could sell the enclosed story and
    buy her something nice with that. I made sure that the story was
    just about the worst thing I could possibly write.
         At the end of the story one of the characters said, "Cindy
    your real gift is in the office under the green box." Trouble
    was, she was a bit upset by this time (the story WAS stupid!) and
    she missed the point entirely. I had to point it out to her.
         Eventually I got her into the other room and to lift the
    box. And there were the rings.
         In short, it nearly backfired on me. I could have prevented
    the problem by not getting so complicated with it - maybe by just
    putting the rings in the box.
         A typical and traditional way to package something small is
    to simply put it in a larger box. A modification of this is to
    put a box in a box in a box in a box in a box.
         To hide it even more, you can put in things that make
    sounds. Like silverware or marbles inside a glass. If you do it
    carefully, you can even arrange things inside so that something
    will break if the package is shaken. (We did this with my father
    one year - he's a well known package shaker. The sound of
    something shattering inside the box nearly cured him.)

                                 In Short

         I could very easily make this the largest Zephyr Magazine
    every put out. For that matter, we could go on and on through the
    rest of the year until next Christmas - especially if the rest of
    you get involved and kick in some ideas and personal experiences.
         The trick is to use your imagination. You know that other
    person. Maybe he or she would appreciate the unusual gift of 20
    cases of Coca Cola. Or $75 in McDonald's gift certificates. Maybe
    a supply of photographic film would be more appropriate - or 100
    rolls of sewing thread. How about 100 Snicker's bars for the
    chocolate lover, each separately boxed and wrapped?
         There are always the standards - sweaters, books, and etc.
    Those are good things to fall back on when your own imagination
    gives out. Meanwhile, do some thinking. RATIONAL thinking. (If you
    like to go fishing, giving her a dozen cans of worms is probably
    not what you'd call an appropriate gift.)
         The idea isn't to give YOUR idea of the perfect gift but the
    RECEIVER'S idea of a perfect gift. Letting your imagination flow
    is wonderful and can turn what could be something ordinary into
    something unforgettable. If not properly directed, it can also
    ruin the entire thing.
         The old adage, "It's not the gift but the thought that
    counts," is very true. If you can't put the proper thought into
    it, stick with something less imaginative but that is bound to be
    appropriate. If you can get out of yourself and into the other
    person, then a sprinkling of imagination and thought can turn the
    gift into something truly unique. (If the gift isn't, maybe the
    method of presenting it can be.)

    Until Next Time

       I just have to say it. A bit of editorializing.
       Most of us on the board here have things pretty good. It may
    not seem like it at times, but we really do.
       Look at the statistics. At present about 20% of all Americans
    live at or below the poverty level. A third come very close to
    being functionally illiterate, which means that the ranks of the
    jobless and homeless will be increasing. It already is, and it's
    getting worse. Reagan's newest announcement says that if some
    indigent elderly couple can't afford medical treatment - tough
    tookies. Their social security and pensions will be locked up
    until the ohsopoor doctors and hospitals are paid.
       We don't see it here. Back east where the weather is cold,
    you'll find countless stories of people who are found starved and
    frozen to death because they can't afford food or the utility
    bills.
       There are certainly people on welfare who are fully capable of
    supporting themselves. I have no patience with people who can work
    but don't because the particular job is "beneath me."
         Even so, there are many people out there - Americans! - who
    are literally starving to death and who cannot help themselves.
    That's real easy to forget when your stomach is full and you're
    sitting contentedly in front of a fire in the fireplace playing
    with the new computer you got for Christmas, and maybe a bit too
    warm because you're wearing that new sweater.
         So stick $5 in the Salvation Army bucket. Or give a few cans
    of food to St. Vincent de Paul. Or invite someone to Christmas
    dinner who can't get home and who has no local family.
         There are so many things you can do, and for very little,
    that will make Christmas for someone else. Can't afford to give
    even a 30c can of food? No problem. Visit one of the many homes
    for the elderly and indigent, or the orphans.
         There has been a lot of talk on the Public board about
    loving America. If you're one of those who does, why not spend a
    few hours with a disabled vet?
         Want a real education? Spend a few hours ringing a bell for
    donations for the poor. Watch the fat and healthy people walk on
    by, or who drop in a dime and smile that their duty is done and
    all sins cured.
         It's often a thankless task. The can of food goes unnoticed.
    A typical reaction is that if the donation goes unnoticed and - on
    the surface - unappreciated, what's the worth? Everyone wants
    recognition. But tell your friends that you shoved $5 into Santa's
    bucket and you might get a grimmace at best.
         So what?
         If you have to brag about it, forget it. (Have you ever had
    someone give you a gift and then go on and on about how wonderful
    they are for giving it? Kinda takes the meaning from it.)

         Well, I sure hope everyone here on the board has a wonderful
    Christmas and New Year. And thank all of you for making BBSing so
    much fun for me.

         M E R R Y   C H R I S T M A S    E V E R Y O N E ! ! !

Zephyr Magazine is © Gene Williams. All rights reserved.