### Apollo BBS Archive - August 28, 1988

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    Message: 996
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Dr, Seuss
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 03:14:16

    Yes I get on to the board
    Yes I drive my daddy's Ford
    I am feeling like a bum
    Cause this poem's so very dumb

    Message: 997
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Dr. Seuss
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 04:16:53

    Don't you wish you were real smart
    Aren't you scared you'll fall apart
    Really doubt you'll find your heart
    You can't find it on a chart
    Looks like times of change are here
    Didn't think it'd be so near
    It's not something you should fear
    Damning people, guzzling beer
    Too much trouble, too much junk
    Having sex and getting drunk
    Eating too much, playing funk
    Beating others, you're just a punk
    It's not acceptable, you're just a kid
    Gotta get real, see what you did
    Don't you get it, control your id
    Otherwise, you're just the crap under the lid
    Naughty boys should gain some class
    Get rid of their toys, kick 'em in the ass

    Message: 998
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: poem
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 04:23:01

    Jesus came to die for us
    Ugly humans filled with pus
    Scary geeky sloppy muss
    Tricking, scheming, making a fuss
    Kiss me darling right on that spot
    It'd make me steamy and hot
    Death makes people change a lot
    Drooling over that cannabis pot
    Itchy scratchy feeling fungus
    No there is a geek among us
    Gunky nicotine will coat your lung, Gus
    ...blah blah blah blah blah blah splungus

    Message: 999
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: poem
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 04:29:08

    Needle dongs and berry juice
    Oral surgery and a diseased goose
    Token minorities and girls that are loose
    Racist pigs and Alberto mousse
    Esophagus phlegm and kitten spit
    Attitude problems and a hairy armpit
    Lovers' quarrels and babies' sh*t
    Lysurgic acid and the witch's tit
    Yeah

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    Subject:Zak

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     1:        Very, very good.  Reminds me of Laurance Ferlinghetti from the Beat
     2:Era.
     3:end

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    Message: 1898
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: my evening
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 03:57:12

    Tonight was some night.  I'll never be the same.

    We all played Scruples at Traci Sibel's pad.  'We all' includes myself,
    David Burkhart, Peter Petrisko, Jim Lippard, Pat Stoddard(?), Traci, Ron
    Harvey and another Ron whos origin and purpose evade me.  I arrived in time
    to drool on some luscious Domino's pizza.  Traci asked the delivery boy, "Is
    that pepperoni on your pizza or are you glad to see me?"  We all had a good
    laugh.  Or two.  And then the fun really began.  But not before Petrisko
    arrived just in time to say, "Gee Zak, now that Dean's gone you can ask
    Traci out!"  That Peter - whatta crazy guy.  One of these days...POW...
    Scruples is a very strange game, not something you'd recommend to friends
    you are trying to impress.  But it didn't matter, the evening was beautiful
    in its own special way, regardless.

    But that's not all, folks.  As if this wasn't enough of an endurance test
    already, DB, RH, MN, MJ, JH and I went to Town and Country mall to see
    "Married to the Mob".  But first we chatted merrily with the LToC
    protestors, who had signs saying, "Scorcese's Satanic Scorcery", "AMC 666
    Theatres", and other blasphemy.  But their artist screwed up.  One sign said
    "6666" and spelled "pieces" as "peices".  Nerds.  One of the protestors had
    a strong interest in whether or not we were using bleach as a dietary
    supplement.  We assured him we most certainly were not, god damn it.  Then,
    FINALLY, we saw MttM.  It should be picketed.  What an editing nightmare.
    They showed editing room clippings at the end; apparently most of the movie

    Message: 1899
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: more
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 04:03:38

    ...apparently most of the movie never made it to the screen, but they did
    have the good nature to tease us with the 13 other plots as we watched the
    credits roll up.  The credits included characters not even included in the
    film.  This movie had no other redeeming wualities to make up for the poor
    editing.  It had no interesting characters, no interesting plot, and no
    interesting special effects or sets to make it half enjoyable.  It did have
    an R rating though, which makes it pornography, according to the
    protestors.  Why weren't they protesting it too?  Nerds.

    Then everyone left, and we all said goodbye, and I just didn't get full
    value for my entertainment buck.  Back to Tucson...

    Message: 1900
    Author: $ Ralph Blehm
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: Thang & Ann
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 10:14:12

    Idid it do I get the $20.00?

    Message: 1901
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Who-dun-it
    Subject: IT WASN'T ME!
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 10:55:30

    I've been working my ass off at the store, and haven't even had time to
    conceive of such a project.

    Message: 1902
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Thang!
    Subject: Publicity
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 10:56:18

    who's to say that Cliff and Sandy didn't plan the whole thing just so they
    could start a hang! category?

    Message: 1903
    Author: $ Gary Jones
    Category: Thang!
    Subject: It weren't me!
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 12:36:41

    I had to do something with the Thang category, what with everyone
    a'confessin' and denyin' everything!  How 'bout this:

    Limericks are art forms complex,
    Their topics run chiefly to sex.
        They usually have virgins
        and masculine urgin's,
    And other erotic effects.

    A limerick packs laughs anatomical
    Into space that's quite economical.
        But the good ones I've seen
        So seldom are clean,
    And the clean ones are seldom comical.

    Have you heard of the old man from Port
    Whose Thang was remarkably short?
        When he got into bed
        His old woman said:
    "That's not a Thang, it's a wart!"

    Message: 1904
    Author: $ Mike Carter
    Category: Thang!
    Subject: PROOF
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 20:39:55

    I have a chemistry lab we can analyse the paint (if any) used on the
    'rubber blubber' and I`ll take yer $20.00 when we discover it matches
    the samples I have from Hawley's rocket.

    Message: 1905
    Author: $ Mike Howerton
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: last
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 21:54:55

    And what were you doing handling his rocket??

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    Subject:Rocket/last

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     1:        Mike likes large rockets.
     2:end

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    Message: 53927
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: JT/53925
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 04:06:54

    What do you mean, "C"?

    Furthermore, what do you mean, "Congratulations"?

    Message: 53928
    Author: $ Paul Savage
    Category: Answer!
    Subject: Ann
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 06:37:07

    Which sand pile was your head in during the Roosevelt and Kennedy years
    girl?
     FDR had a long running affair, well known to both his cousin/wife Eleanor
    and everybody else, with his Secretary, and JFK was one of the biggest
    womanizers ever to sit in the White House. His conquests included, among
    others, Marilyn Monroe.
    Go read a book or two!

    Message: 53929
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Politics
    Subject: Paul/last
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 08:41:59

    And you should get the cotton out of your ears! I never said they were
    perfect - I said the public in general did not know these things! You lived
    during the Rosevelt era - did you know he was having an affair? Did you know
    he was propped up most of the time when he was giving a speech? Re: Kennedy
    - sorry, but I don't believe half of what I've read about all his
    womanizing. It's easy to get notoriaty by saying you went to bed with a
    famous person after they are dead! But I say  what difference did it make
    what they did in their private lives regarding this subject! Being a good
    president was the most important and I believe they were. Who they went to
    bed with certainly didn't make any difference! I remember the first time I
    read such rumors, how disappointed I was and I was sorry I HAD read it! It's
    stuff like this that has made the people of today latharic and weary of the
    politicians and voting. We don't revere our president's anymore - we pick
    them apart like vultures hoping for a tidbit of juicy scandel! Once, when I
    found out that Lincoln wanted to ship all the blacks back to Africa - my
    reverance for the Oval office went down 10 notches! I'd just reather not
    know. Reagan for instance - I didn't want to know he had a hemroid operation
    - to be told daily how his A## Hole was progressing. It distracts from the
    good he did/was doing. =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 53930
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Vote
    Subject: Cliff/the vote
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 08:50:34

    Of course the Republicans are winning - this is a thoughly Republican state.
    But I did notice the Libertarians are leading the Democrates and thats
    great! =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 53931
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Last
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 10:32:58

    Congratulations.

    Message: 53932
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Politics
    Subject: David B./Veto
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 17:15:31

      Getting them on the record is attractive to the rest of us, but it scares
    the hell out of Congress. This explains why there is no line-item veto.
       See You Later
          Dean H.

    Message: 53933
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Dean McCarron joke
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 18:42:36

    Dean McCarron and his next-door neighbor are standing in their front yards,
    next to their mailboxes.  They stand around for about an hour, and finally
    Dean turns to his neighbor and says, "Waiting for an important letter?"
    "Yeah," replies the neighbor.  "What are you waiting for?"
    "My life to change."

    Message: 53934
    Author: $ Mike Carter
    Category: Entertainment/Movies
    Subject: James Taranto Joke
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 20:35:56

    Two FBI special services snoops were paging through the mounds of diatribe
    collected off JT's phone line when one looked over to the other and
    queried about the unusually mechanical way certain issues were always
    sentout on the computer.
    "What's with all the redundancy , you make anything of it?"
    Joe stretches back, leans toward his co-worker and smiles briefly..
    "Do you mean you've been actually reading this $#!+ ?"

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    Message: 156
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: crucifixion
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 03:24:51

    I don't see what the big deal is.  So he hung around in agony for a while.
    Thousands of people endure all sorts of pain every day - dying cancer
    victims, starving third world citizens, emotionally and physuically abused
    children.  What made Christ's pain that much more significant?

    Message: 157
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: victorious duel
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 03:35:35

    Sandy, what victorious 'duel' are you talking about between Jesus and Satan?
    A sword fight?  The resurrection and the many other unbelievable claims made
    in the new testament are not accepted as historical facts among many
    biblical scholars.  Accounts of the various incidents were not written until
    over 60 years after they allegedly happened.  People cannot be blamed for
    questioning the book's validity.

    Ann, why shouldn't halos be symbols of Christianity?  I thought they
    indicated godliness and such.  In the 14th century paintings of Giotto and
    Boticelli, everyone appears with halos behind their heads.  Obviously no one
    was concerned whether or not the subjects were all saints.  So put that in
    your pipe and smoke it.

    Ann, you say that hanging from the cross is a horrible way to die.  You know
    a good way?  Use your imagination, you can probably think of plenty of
    horrible ways to die.

    Remember, this is not a religious board.  So don't talk about it, dudes.

    Message: 158
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: Cross
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 09:07:27

    The difference is - Jesus choose his pain  (supposedly) - we do not!

    Message: 159
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: A good way to die!
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 09:10:05

    YEs - there is good ways to die - one is - at the age of 95 and after a hard
    round of tennis, your body just ceases to function! That's the way I want to
    go. Of couse, it will never happen because I don't play tennis now!
    =*--ANNIE the ASSp--*=

    Message: 160
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: Halos
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 09:18:52

    Yes, all the artists of the time painted halos around the saints, Mary,
    Joseph, Jesus's head etc. This was to depict holiness - purity etc. But a
    halo is nothing but an aura and it would only show Jesus as pure and not
    above the saints et al. The cross was what he was born for - one of the
    major things He came here for - the other being Rising from the dead to show
    us there is no death! So a halo would not be a good Christian symbol. As I
    said - the cross is a positive symbol - not a negative one. =*--ANN--*=
    -- The resident preacher of the (W)ay Below Normal sig. (Taking over for
    James White!!!) A real switch eh Rod?

    Message: 161
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: Rod/ the cross
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 09:26:34

    I have read that they made sure they did not puncture a main blood vessel so
    that His death would be long and painful. They wanted Him to suffer more
    than the other two on the crosses. No where have I read He went into shock.
    If His last words from the cross were acurate - He was not!
    =*--The New Way Below Normal Preacher - Annie the ASSp--*=

    Message: 162
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: death
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 12:46:16

    Since you do not play tennis, you will either die horribly or live forever.

    The reason they did not kill Jesus on the cross right away is because all
    the artists needed time to paint him accurately.

    Message: 163
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: Christ
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 20:13:24

    Being born for the purpose of dying a horrible death is a pretty depressing
    reason for coming into this world. Did Jesus wear a tattoo reading "BORN TO
    LOSE?"

    You would think that the icon of the Christian religion would be one of
    positivism and goodness, not a morbid representation such as a cross.

    Message: 164
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: Choice
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 20:18:03

    Jesus CHOSE to die on the cross? Hm, I think I had better read that one
    again.

    Message: 165
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: JT Intellect Bore
    Subject: So...
    Date: 08/28/88  Time: 20:18:41

    How the fuck are you all today?

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    Subject:Jesus

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     1:        Well, if Jesus was in fact God and God created everything including
     2:Satan then I don't see the big challange here.  How dumb one would have to
     3:be, to be tempted by someting you made.  Hmmmmm.
     4:        Also, if the creator of the universe choose to get on a cross and
     5:have himself 'nailed', I doubt if it could have hurt anymore than say, me
     6:eating a tomato.
     7:        If God died for everyone's sins then that whole concept is
     8:ludricious.  It doesn't compute, makes no sense.  It was a dumb idea and it
     9:didn't work.  How could a creator of everything decide to go and die for His
    10:own mistakes.  Hey, it' totally beyond me, totally beyond logic.
    11:        This is the type of story, the story of Jesus, that you'd expect to
    12:read in the National Inquirer and I'd take it with the same grain of salt as
    13:I do with such titles, "Five Year Old Girl Gives Birth To Thirty Year Old
    14:Baby".  Both would show the same type of logic.
    15:        But, I accept the need for religion, after all this world does
    16:manage to drive most people insane and it sure feels good to have a crutch
    17:or two laying around.
    18:        * - *  See You Around The Universe * - *       Rod
    19:end

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