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10/06/04
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It's been awhile... I wrote this about my Dad. For those of you that remember him, you'll see it right away. Permanent Yesterday It is easy to become lost when your light is gone it is hard to walk a path that has chosen to move on. Strong hands don't make the man a strong heart doesn't make you weak tears don't always mean I miss you much but they should, I think. Clouds can part, you see contradicts what I believe if only I can be forgiven for not knowing what's been done. The cold pursuit of happiness finally has worn me thin. To dwell or to solve my troubles? Where shall I begin? I might make it to you tomarrow I need to find a way but without some needed solitude It'll be permanent yesterday. f a d e . . . posted by fade... --- posted on Aug 25, 2004 at 11:09pm est --- post #000054 ---

I passed the tree that reminds me of you where I tried to defend you from tiny ants and big internal demons I passed the table piled high with paper where I kissed you after breakfast the thinking it keeps me afloat I passed the past well into the future there are no suitable moments to live in now I look ahead and look back and ahead oncemore I will pass the time building castles in the dry sand taking water when it comes grateful to the ocean you were and will be posted by AMPro --- posted on Jul 21, 2004 at 1:49am est --- post #000053 ---

MetaUphoria MetaUphoria by Alex Feb.15.2004 As I move through this world I am a Battle Axe for peace an imprecise tool to be sure, but I get the job done And I am love with a woman who is a chamomile petal Delicate, unassuming and with the unexpected power to soothe and calm I move though this world, a laser for justice Focused, refocused, remodulated and recalibrated Analizing and disecting our way to altruism And my love is a tempest a completely unpredictable storm fanning the passion fires that fuel our fight posted by AMPro --- posted on Feb 15, 2004 at 1:31pm est --- post #000052 ---

Touch Artistry Touch Artistry Apr.02.2003 I know an artist of touch she loves through her fingertips a brush of her lips I love an artist of touch new expressions are out there don't shut down a good thing just because you don't know what tommrow will bring I've touched an artist of love with love Influencing art Helping creation with another new start I've feared the love in a touch There's no safety there just beauty But then I take one deep breath, two, three And let it guide me to where I need to be I've touched the fear of love Lived in it, trapped in it, escaped from it Learned to move through it, and still learning so much Ever grateful to the artist of touch posted by AMPro --- posted on Apr 2, 2003 at 3:43pm est --- post #000051 ---

more crap What can we tell each other after our stories have been told and we have wept with naked hearts, through the dark nights of our soul? the story of our lives, woven together with common threads frustration, violence, hatred, helplessness, knotted off with strands of empowerment, understanding, acceptance and rage. How could they have done this to you? I ask as I see your fingers tremble as I see the tears gather behind your eyes. you wonder the same about me. And through each tale, through each shared story, we cry at the injustices visited upon others who are not so very different from what we are. posted by Prynne - livejournal.com --- posted on Feb 9, 2003 at 4:12pm est --- post #000050 ---

Phoenix Song How does a woman rise from the dead When the loss has already been mourned and grieved When the present has become so safe and familiar When life as it once was is now just a dream? How many deaths in how many lifetimes How many souls to be reborn in my own How many depths can a woman crawl into to hide in, to run to, to escape the unknown? How does a woman rise from the dead When returning brings hatred and scorn and a plea When too much is lost, and only memories are found When she is trapped in another that is becoming me? How many deaths in how many lifetimes How many souls to be reborn in my own How long to look at the life I am living To suffer the fruits of the seeds I have sown? posted by Prynne/Kiera - livejournal.com --- posted on Feb 9, 2003 at 11:29am est --- post #000049 ---

Wastelands of Hope we sat watching the flaming ball as it lit night like fireworks someday to return, plans echoed those of us left pondered the scene memories of ocean sunsets eagles soaring high in the air music of the forest soundscapes sky portraits created by clouds familiar stars yet different from those that filled nights long ago will they be seen again in life perhaps, we think, we hope, we watch we say, next time will be better the same mistakes not made again to return what we have taken from the resources that nurture we will learn acceptance of all not to destroy dreams of others inspiring us to succeed upon these wastelands before us we plant the seed of hope to grow 1-5-2003 *this was from a poetry challenge I found on a message board... writing about the earth after it's destruction by mankind... posted by Unykornz - Unykornz Haven --- posted on Jan 9, 2003 at 4:50pm est --- post #000048 ---

thanks thanks. posted by AMPro --- posted on Jan 6, 2003 at 3:20pm est --- post #000047 ---

Buying Hey Amps.. If you ever publish a book of poems, put me at the top of the buyer list! Your friend always Trubble posted by Trubble --- posted on Jan 2, 2003 at 11:04pm est --- post #000046 ---

Open For Business. Open For Business A.M. Jan 2003 I open myself up to the pain again and again and again and again I raise my face up into the stinging rain there's something that they say about pain and gain I was raised to have this faith A faith in people too strong to shake Whatever of mine people see fit to break I doesn't much sway me from the path I take I love people till they show me I don't Some people get jaded but I know that I won't No matter how hard that might make it to cope I can't look at folks and think that there's no hope I open myself up to the pain again and again and again and again I'm still open for business in the pooring rain If I seek joy and find pain that's still how I'll remain posted by AMPro --- posted on Jan 2, 2003 at 9:40am est --- post #000045 ---

exploring I wonder how to reconcile your being with your smile with my mind tunring around and around and meandering through uncharted, untouched not for the faint-hearted types of regions with legions of dangerous sensations and all kinds of complications around every bend but in the end I have to breathe deep and go forth, be deep and head north since no other option ever could be as good as when its good or even as good as when it it's not so this seems the only course to plot and there's rocks up ahead but ever since you said 'How is that book' I've been betook and finite or no that's just how it goes. posted by AMPro --- posted on Dec 27, 2002 at 11:06pm est --- post #000044 ---

Eyes I followed my bliss I kissed the tender lips of peace I broke down inner ramparts and faded into you for release I shut tight my eyes I flew all around I found hopeless to hope before I returned to the ground I watched as you slept I guarded your health I knocked everything over and injured myself I listened, I realized I teased, apologized I watched the tide roll out All in your eyes posted by AMPro --- posted on Dec 16, 2002 at 10:42am est --- post #000043 ---

Dedicated to Alex Mead December 5, 2002 Sitting beside you, On the road to Freedom, Talking so easily, On the way to Peace. I laid my head on your shoulder, On the road to Freedom, I so wanted to kiss you, On the way to Peace. We exchanged our lives, On the road to Freedom, We exchanged our hearts, On the way to Peace. There were some rocky places, On the road to Freedom, There were some crazy emotions, On the way to Peace. But I know there is hope, On the road to Freedom, And we'll both find our dreams, On the way to Peace. And though our paths will part, On the road to Freedom, We'll always be together, On the way to Peace. posted by feyler --- posted on Dec 6, 2002 at 10:17pm est --- post #000042 ---

Candle in the Sand Candle in the Sand Alex Mead Dec. 2002 I found a Candle in the Sand With a Gentle Glowing Flame I stared into it and was Rapt by the Light It led to Infinity and it made me Smile A breeze urged the Flame to Flicker The Bright Beam of light did Waver I Became Afraid of life in Darkness I Became Afraid of a life of staring I tried with all my might to Throw the Candle to the Ocean I turned to walk away I found a Candle in the Sand With a Gentle Glowing Flame I stared into it and was Rapt by the Light posted by AMPro --- posted on Dec 6, 2002 at 8:59pm est --- post #000041 ---

Reading me GOD! I hate when you do that. You have always been able to read me like a book. I needed that though. Do you think if I say it 100 times over and over it will work Trubble posted by trubble --- posted on Nov 25, 2002 at 9:35pm est --- post #000040 ---

Just go ta bed Don't wanna think try not to sink every little blink leads me to the brink Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man don't breathe don't move don't try can't lose Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Make it all stop No. Make it all go no Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man Just go ta bed man posted by AMPro --- posted on Nov 23, 2002 at 11:04am est --- post #000039 ---

In the corner of my mind. Thanks for the memories. I had a sneaking suspicion the culprit was a power tool. As for "Heart for Sale," I think it was Kiera. But I'm usually wrong. You really should write more, man. Everyone here should. posted by Fairow --- posted on May 15, 2002 at 12:05am est --- post #000038 ---

David, and related works & correspondence Ok, this really isn't a poem, but a little something I wrote that elicited a lot of interesting (to me) responses. I've had it buried on a backup CD for quite a long time, but here we go-- What follows is my original sort of intro thingy, the actual little piece I wrote, and then the responses I received from the BBSing community. Made me feel pretty cool about myself, I'll tell you what. :) ---------------------------------------- The following isn't really that much of a poem or anything, it's just a bunch of thoughts that I really had to write down-- I just went to the wake of my father's best friend's son.. He kinda decided to jump off a bridge... I hope no one is disturbed by it or whatever, and I just want you to realize that I mean no disrespect to anyone and I'm sure if the mystery's ever solved, there's some weird logical explanation as to why... Even though I am totally against suicide, but I digress. Anyways, I won't be surprised if one or two people get mad at me or something and have a heated debate on the topic or whatever. I didn't really know him that well, or even see him except when my dad and his dad were hangin' out, but I did know him and that's enough for me. David As you fell, what flashed before your eyes...? What did you think about in the mere second you had? Nobody will truly know. Was it a release from some torment? An ending to a drawn-out drama? Did you smile as the ground rushed up to meet you, as the blackness overwhelmed you? Glad to be free of life and its many burdens? Did you escape from what pained you so? Had you thought you would get another chance? Did you think maybe you could avoid all these problems "next time"? Were you simply tired of life, having squeezed everything out of it that you could? Did you experience everything possible? Did you share it all with another person? Did you become bored with mere life? Were you happy to end it all, just like that-- without even saying goodbye? Did you think to yourself, "This is great!" Could you have truly said that you had done everything in the entire universe and suicide was the only thing left to do because you never died before? Were there that many things about the world that you hated and loathed and needed to get away from? Were you truly at peace? Or was there a nagging thought, there, in the back of your mind-- Were you filled with utter regret? Had you realized what you had done? Did your mind fill with panic as you changed your mind too late? Did you, in the last split second before you hit the ground, realize the finality of what you had done? Did you suddenly come up with an alternative? A way of working it out? Did you think to talk to the ones who cared about you? Did you realize that your body was not the only thing the life had gone out of-- That same life was gone from many places you would never have wanted to hurt. Your father's eyes. Your brother's smile. Your friends' laughter. All empty. They can never be the same. Did they really deserve it, or were you so overwhelmed with feelings of despair that you were thinking only of yourself? Did you realize it may not have been worth it? ---------------------------------------------- 1/3......... about your post... Name........ <removed by Chainsaw just now> Date........ Thu Nov 02 00:08:33 1995 From........ IceNet - Starpoint Technology Station [716-826-6072] Location.... Western, New York Reference To: Here... I wrote this a few days ago. enjoy. :) ON: The Bard Octavian's Tales (Short Stories ah..this is regards to your post on Octavians sub for short stories.. i must say i liked what you had to say..it was truly a work of art and it opened my eyes to things i once could not see. you shall never truly know how much what you had to say had an effect on me. you have in essence saved my life..i am forever in your debt. thank you again.. respectfully, <name removed by Chainsaw just now> 3/3......... Whoa... Name........ Katster #159 @9664 Date........ Fri Nov 03 18:13:12 1995 From........ IceNet - The Red Ribbon BBS [916-223-3358] Location.... Northeast California RE: Here... I wrote this a few days ago. enjoy. :) ON: THE BARD OCTAVIAN'S TALES Those thoughts (as you put it) are some of the most powerful that I have ever read...Keep up the good work... From one poet to another: Katster Date........ Mon Nov 06 16:09:49 1995 From........ IceNet - Starpoint Technology Station [716-826-6072] Location.... Western, New York Reference To: Re: about your post... alas you are not over stepping your bounds..i believe if you look for my posts in the same sub as yours can be found you shall find the answer to your question....any more questions? feel free to ask away.. i thank you for your offer to help..i may one day take you up on the offer. in regards to being ok now..well i take everyday one step at a time and although some are harder i do my best hang on. your post did however appear at a particually crucial time for me andi thank you greatly for sharing it. you could say you brought me back to earth and i can never thank you enough for that. thank you again..and yes ..you really did save me.. respectfully and forever in your debt, <removed by Chainsaw just now> Chainsaw note - This was posted shortly after mine, I like to think that it was sorta written for me. Partially, anyway. C'mon. Let my have my fantasy.) 82/100...... in recognition of strength... =) Name........ <removed by Chainsaw just now> Date........ Fri Nov 17 19:06:38 1995 From........ IceNet - The Heat Wave [716-823-0424] Location.... Western, New York this is dedicated to someone who gave me the strength to realize that i have the strength for all my own..i thank you greatly..more than you will ever know..you know who i'm talking to. Persistence ----------- Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence Talent will not; Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. thank you again and you know who you are. <name removed by Chainsaw just now> 97/100...... more posts?? Name........ <name removed by Chainsaw just now> Date........ Sat Nov 18 18:57:27 1995 From........ IceNet - Starpoint Technology Station [716-826-6072] Location.... Western, New York i thank you all for saying i that i write well..i have more to post but dont you think i should lkeave room for the others? i have seen many talented writers here and yet they are not commended as frequently as others seem to be...to name a few i wish to commend (from the top of my head) : Kier - excellent work! keep it up! Octavian - you have a talent others only dream of..you have my envy. Godmother - you may never know just how affected i have been by your work. ...and many others that slip my mind at the moment..you all have great talent and i am grateful for the pieces you all share. everything that you all post i have read and taken into my heart, many of you have changed or shaped my life in many ways..more than any of you can ever know. ...and Chainsaw..i will always owe you more than just a commondation..i owe you my life..you will always be remembered in my heart, and always will be part of my soul.. i thank you all yet again for your kind words to me. i will post more of my work, but everyone should remember that others like to hear feedback too. when you read something you like or something that strikes a chord in you..please, i ask you, let the author know. it really does mean alot and it does wonders for the soul... Love to all of you.. <name removed by Chainsaw just now> -------------------------------------------------- posted by Chainsaw --- posted on May 14, 2002 at 10:57pm est --- post #000037 ---

Pain Coat Pain Coat (~1993~1995?) I wear my pain-coat inside-out, it looks better that way. People think it's warm and soft and happy every day. I wear my pain-coat inside-out, I live my life a lie. I don't want anyone to see when I sit here and cry. I wear my pain-coat inside-out, it hides the way I hurt; but best of all it hides all of the teardrops on my shirt. I wear my pain-coat inside-out and weep, because the outside-in is rubbing, chafing, digging, scratching, deep into my skin. posted by Chainsaw --- posted on May 14, 2002 at 10:36pm est --- post #000036 ---

A rhyming reply 'Twas I who wrote the Pain Coat poem, when I was but a lad; I can't quite recall why I was so angst-ridden and sad. That poem's my favorite that I wrote, of expansive and tiny; I wish I could remember why I was so freakin' whiny. Was it chicks? Or bullies nasty? Was puberty to blame? I suppose that I shall never learn why I was so damn lame. Agonize over petty problems? Why do myself this crime? I suppose it's that it might have seemed important at the time. On this I shall not dwell too long, because of what I've found: I cannot go back into time and smack myself around. But anyway, I do digress; I'll post that poem for you. And another one, about this kid-- who killed himself--I knew. posted by Chainsaw --- posted on May 14, 2002 at 4:40pm est --- post #000035 ---

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