### Apollo BBS Archive - August 22, 1989

    Mail from Ann Oudin
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:16:20

    Will you be at the GT this week end? I hope so. 'Twood' be nice to see youze
    again! -=*) ANN (*=-
    [A]bort, [C]ontinue, [I]nsty-reply or [Z]ap:Insty-reply

    Enter a line containing only an <*> to stop
     1:Yes, I am going to be at the GT, unless of course my spacecraft is fixed by
     2:that time, then I will be kissing this fucking planet goodbye.  Otherwise
     3:expect me there.  Looking forward.....-Rod

    Message: 2445
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Story 1 of 5
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:46:19

    When I was growing up on my home planet, Zowie, my parents would warn
    my sister J and I about being bad.  The big joke was if we didn't
    behave we would be taken to Planet Earth and dropped off.  (In our
    language this planet is called, Pilwekun, which means 'unenlightened
    period'.)

    Well, we always behaved because our parents would show us 'event
    tapes' from your civilization (if one could call it civil, that is.)
    I am not trying to make you feel bad just because you live in a
    disgusting period and on such a small ball of dust.  Our people were
    once a lot like you, with all the hating and fighting, many eons ago.

    Well, my sister J and I grew into what you would call 'teenagers' and
    we were very curious ones at that.  One night, (one of our nights is
    six of yours.) J and I asked permission and received it to borrow the
    family spacecraft, a VMOOR 22X model.  We thought we'd 'tool' around
    the Milky Way for a while and check out the sights.  After soaring
    around a bit, we decided to do some checking of our own on your planet.
    So, we hovered just above your atmosphere, got out our looking glasses
    and opened a drink for ourselves.  But, we soon became grossed out from
    all the events we saw. It was time to go to a more pleasant place.

    As we were leaving we felt a drag on our ship along with some
    unpleasant bumps.  "Oh gee", I said, we have a F.L.A.T.
    (Flotation, Latitude, Aerial, Transformer)  And yes, we had no spare
    part and the nearest dealer was 3 light years away.  On top of that,
    transmission to our home base, at that time, was being blocked by your
    Sun.  It was between us and help.  Our on-board computer informed us
    that it would be 3 of your hours before we could successfully
    transmit.  But when you have a FLAT, you don't have 3 hours, an hour
    at most.

    We both realized that we would have to set down somewhere and soon.
    We quickly scanned the planets surface for intelligent thought in order
    to better our chances of survival until help arrived.  We looked for
    the land that appeared the most advanced overall and headed for it.
    However, our FLAT was worse than we, at first, realized and we had to
    make an emergency landing in the desert of Arizona, U.S.A..

    It was night and judging from where we landed we were about twenty
    miles from any humanoid existence.  This was good as we needed to make
    a plan of action and perhaps get to our chosen territory as fast as
    possible.

    I must explain that our people are much like your chameleons in that
    we have the amazing ability to change into whatever life form we
    choose.  This is simply a survival mechanism that was left over from
    our warring past.  We saw that the majority, and the leader-group, were
    white so we became white.  (But once, later on, when we were in a
    movie theatre where the majority were black, we found, upon exiting,
    that we had turned black complete with kinky hair and big lips.  It
    took us all night to turn back.)

    We 'borrowed' some clothing (our race goes naked) from some
    clotheslines after hiking half the night, to complete our disguise.
    We were both scared.  Our craft had landed upside down which caused
    our antenna to be useless but we turned on our ERB (Emergency Radio
    Beacon) and the power supply would be good indefinitely.  Both J and I
    clipped our portable EBR's onto our clothing so when help came we
    would be quickly located.

    Well, this all happened in your year, 1984 and we are still here.  A
    lot has happened to us.  I will explain.  Little know to us at the time
    of the landing, we had set down in an area of concentrated uranium.  We
    use this basic material for our propulsion but it must be  contained
    otherwise our ERB's or any other electronic equipment will not work
    correctly.  Our portable ERB's are solely dependent upon the main unit
    in the ship.  We found ourselves up the proverbial creek, so to speak.

    We know that our kin are looking for us although we didn't exactly
    tell them that we were going slumming that evening.  But they are
    clever people and in the meanwhile we are building an advanced
    communication system that will lead them to us.  Only trouble is,
    getting all the equipment requires green pieces of paper that's called
    money.  And we must be sly about this whole thing as being discovered
    would certainaly mean sure death for us.

    After coming into town for the first time, in the human form, we
    slept at first on lawns between houses.  We ate from dumpsters of
    eating establishments then we started staying and eating in missions of
    charity.  Although they all have a 2 to 3 night limit each month, we
    changed form as often as possible.  But we met others who were doing
    the same type of things for survival and believe it or not, some of
    them were highly intelligent.  Much more so than many of the leaders of
    the land.

    We finally convinced some people in a 'help the homeless' group that
    we needed to work and better ourselves (we had to get this money in
    order to buy the electronic components.)  We passed ourselves off as
    a married couple in order to be left alone.  We still found the basic
    human form to be somewhat grotesque although we were getting familiar
    with it.

    I had to do some mind searching in order to determine what type of
    labor I was to do.  On my home planet I was an advanced computer
    person.  I had been trained from birth but I quickly discounted
    entering the field here as I might slip up and show the 'blokes' some
    advanced technology.  This may give this sub-race the technology to
    travel into space and the thought sickened me.  They had better find it
    all on their own, in their own good time, I thought.  When they figure
    it out, then they will, hopefully, be advanced enough in thought, to
    join their brother and sisters in space.  But not yet.

    Locksmithing seemed harmless enough and it paid well.  Locks are just
    mechanical puzzles and shouldn't be too hard, maybe even fun, I
    realized.  And not many people are adept at such a job so I should be
    able to choose the jobs I want.  Besides, me an alien, knowing how to
    break the security barrier of the humans, gave me a inner thrill.

    Well, it has taken a while but my 'outreach' system is almost
    complete.  It is disguised as a large satellite dish and I only need
    one more component before I can test it.  It's is a tricky part, one I
    will have to design myself from scratch, but me, I'm just biding my
    time till I can return HOME.  -R

    $tatus Club Bulletin Board command:$C

    Message: 5820
    Author: $ Jeannie Innajug
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Navel
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 07:11:08

    Migod.......................People...................

    You'd think this was the COS sig sometimes, the way people get carried away
    about a scar on someone's belly.  Mine's an "inner", not an "outer" anyway!

    See Y'aa..............
    Jeannie

    Message: 5821
    Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: last
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 10:53:18

            With that last bit of insight, I really know Jeannie now!
    WOW ....... an 'inner', not an 'outer' ..........

                                           (smile)

    The outer COSmos Bulletin Board command:$C

    Message: 3353
    Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
    Category: Question ?
    Subject: Users
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 10:59:57

            What happened to most of the users here?

    Did they all of a sudden become too good for us?
    Is no one having a good 'ol fashioned 'knock down dragged out fight'?

    Oh, well ...... you all are excused anyway.

    Message: 3354
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: where?
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:26:40

    Fuck off.

    Message: 3355
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Jokes & Ha Ha's
    Subject: last
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:27:05

    Everyone.

    Apollo Underground Bulletin Board command:$C

    Message: 333
    Author: $ Sandy SYSOP
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: GT
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 11:00:59

            If you insist, I will be there as well.

    Message: 334
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: GT
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:27:58

    If Sandy will be there then I don't know if I can make it.  Headache's
    happen, you know.

    Bulletin Board command:$C

    Message: 60481
    Author: Stuart Beckwith
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Free Tape Plus Spin
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 00:41:43

    (From a real ad for "Spin" magazine:)
    "Posse in effect, the A-Team was about to jump into the Batmobile (power
    steering, Landau roof) and roll.  But then --
    'Dag!'
    Big Bob, president of the A-Team, slapped his hand on the table and turned
    to his friends, Swift and Dice.
    'At that price, don't you have to pay for extra for the record reviews?' he
    asked incredulously.  'Plus you get a free tape?  Get the funk out of here.'
    Big Bob couldn't believe it.  'A whole year of SPIN, delivered to my
    doorstep each month, for just $15.95?  Is there a method in their badness?'
    Well, the whole A-Team was floored.  Funkwizard Snow agreed that a deal like
    that was worth dropping out of law school for, even if this was his one
    chance to get on the right side of the law.  'That magazine is eckmarvelous,
    eckniculous, and then some!' he said.  Then Big Bob smiled.  He looks so
    handsome when he smiles.
    Why was Big Bob smiling?  He just realised that his paltry $15.95 would get
    him not just 12 totally fat, dookie, dope issues of SPIN, but an equally
    fat, dookie, dope cassette of new music.  Each tape is custom designed just
    for SPIN subscribers, with hot new bands like Fine Young Cannibals.  It was
    too much.
    'Dag!'
    The A-Team hopped in the Batmobile and rolled out.  Big Bob popped his tape
    into the system, and the A-Team rocked on, rocked strong, to the break of
    dawn.  That is, in the happily ever-after tip, boy-ee."

    Message: 60482
    Author: Ronald McDonald   NOTE: ****  This was me ***
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Hungry?
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 03:58:44

     Hamburgers anyone?

    Message: 60483
    Author: $ Paul Savage
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Taranto
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 05:25:32

    Never heard of "Technical Difficulties", but "Please Stand By" is one of my
    favorites.

    Message: 60484
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Bob on JT
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:10:13

    Re: "You are such an expert on name calling. I bet you win all kind of
    debates."

    He doesn't win any debates when he name calls! Too bad - he has interesting
    things to say too, but they are spoiled most of the time because he can't
    resist being caustic! -=*) ANN (*=-

    Message: 60485
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Bob on protection
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 06:12:36

    I've got to agree with you there if given the choice. I will say though,
    that of all the people I know - I'd choose Sandy Sysopette to protect me -
    knowing her qualifications! Ha. -=*) ANN (*=-

    Message: 60486
    Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Drownings?
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 11:32:00

            They seem to have slowed down....  Maybe all the stupid people are
    gone.

    *=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

    Message: 60487
    Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Orange Julie
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 13:02:08

            I like this one...

    1 can (6 ounces) frozen orange juice concentrate
    1 cup of milk
    1 cup of water
    1/2 cup of sugar
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 tray of ice cubes

            Combine all the ingredients and place in blender.  Blend untill
    smooth.  Makes 4 servings.  You could add orange liqueur if you like.

    This tastes just like the ones at the mall.....

    *=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

    Message: 60488
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Savage
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 15:52:06

    Sorry, "Please Stand By" was what I meant.  Did you read about that in
    Harper's or in Spy?

    Message: 60489
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: SYSOP/Orange Julius
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:30:02

    Or you could add some marihuana instead of the booze.

    Message: 60490
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: More on conversation
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:30:46

    I also remember most of our conversation about the school system.  The
    fellow said, "All they do is teach us to obey authority.  They have no
    interest if we think or not.  We are just numbers to them.  They get
    so much per head.  Them government schools suck."

    "They train a person to get up early whether one feels like it or not.
    They try to regiment a person to become a machine for life, to do
    menial work for the state.  Well, if I get busted then they can
    support my ass all they want.  They can send me to special schools or
    give me courses in anything they want but when I get out I'll go for
    the big money.  It's not like they are going to make me an attorney or
    other free-type person, they just want my sweat and they want me to
    pay them, the capitalistic establishment, for the privilege of using
    their electricity or living on their land.

    Our community here in the projects is okay because the $60 we gotta
    come up with each month is almost nothing.  We are like a tribe here
    and everyone knows everyone else.  We are blood.  Let the white rulers
    pay.  You ain't gonna see me getting up when it's too hot or cold to
    go out in that weather and kill myself for them."

    Message: 60491
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Last
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 17:57:12

    Come on.  No one has ever said any such thing, except you.

    Message: 60492
    Author: $ Bob Thornburg
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Rod
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:00:47

    Re:  "I could look forward to having a job for the rest of my life
    with two weeks off each year and always have these big bills to pay."

    Oh, the world owes me a living, tra la la la la la la.

    Message: 60493
    Author: $ Bob Thornburg
    Category: Answer!
    Subject: Ronald McDonald
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:03:05

    Hamburgers??

    Anyone who watches tv would have figured you would have been selling baked
    potatoes by now.  What happened?

    Message: 60494
    Author: $ Bob Thornburg
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Ann
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:05:11

    Re:  "- I'd choose Sandy Sysopette to protect me -"

    Well, If Sandy Sysopette were packing her .357, it would give her a definite
    edge.

    Message: 60495
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Bob T.
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:44:47

    The sentence in question was a quote from a gang member.

    Message: 60496
    Author: $ Rod Williams
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: JT
    Date: 08/22/89  Time: 19:45:12

    Wanna bet?

    VOICE