                                  T H E
                               Z E P H Y R

                      __     M A G A Z I N E
                     {__]++++++++++++++++++++++++++[]
                     Issue #56                5-22-88

                A weekly electronic magazine for users of
                            THE ZEPHYR II BBS
                        (Mesa, AZ - 602-894-6526)
                    owned and operated by T. H. Smith

                        Editor - Gene B. Williams

     . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
     . You may share this magazine with your friends under the   .
     . condition that the magazine remain complete and intact,   .
     . with no editing, revisions or modifications of any kind,  .
     . and including this opening section and statement.         .
     . If you like the magazine, our Sysop and I would appreciate.
     . it if you would let your friends know where they can log  .
     . in to find the magazine (and incidentally one of the      .
     . finest BBSs in the country!).                             .
     . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                (c) 1988

    THIS ISSUE:

       My apologies for the long absence. (Then again, no one else
    came forward to offer to do an issue.) Things on my end have
    been ridiculously busy. For those keeping track, I've just
    signed two more book contracts and have three pending. Those
    deadlines are more important, since it's what pays the bills
    for me.
       Anyway, I'd just completed a book and decided to reorganize
    my office before starting in on the next. That got me back into
    my files. There I came across some of the strange items I love
    to collect. (For those of you who are new to Zephyr and to the
    magazine, I used to write a couple of regular magazine columns
    of strange events and weird happenings.)
       So that's what we have this time around. Lots of bits and
    pieces of information that will do you absolutely no good at
    all. Totally useless.
       But, I think, rather entertaining.

                     STUFF YOU NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW

       The national deficit is presently $18,569.10 per man, woman
    and child in America. (Get out your checkbook! The interest alone
    is considerably more than the ENTIRE federal budget of 20 years.)
       Meanwhile, the number of pawnbrokers has increased by 500%.

       Taxes for the wealthiest 1% of our population have decreased
    by 2.5% in the past decade.
       Taxes for the poorest 10% of our population have increased
    by 1.5% in this same period.

       Meanwhile:
       A company sent its check to the IRS for payroll taxes in the
    amount of nearly $5 million. The IRS in its infinite wisdom decided
    that the check was 10c short and started proceedings against the
    company, which included a penalty of nearly $50,000. The company
    put a team of lawyers and 5 accountants on the job, at incredible
    cost to the company. Numerous letters and representatives were sent
    to the IRS office to get things straigtened out. This went on for
    almost a half-year - at which time the IRS dropped all action without
    any explanation. Or apology.

       Amount spent on pet toys & clothes per year   $1.42 billion
       Amount spent on stray pet care per year        0.75 billion

       Amount spent by women per year in hair salons - $20 billion
       Amount spent by men per year at the barbers   -   3 billion

       Amount spent eating out per year               $185 billion
       Amount spent eating "fast food"                  50 billion

       Value of food stamps given out by the government - $11 billion

       Amount spent on recorded music (records, tapes and CDs) by
    people under 19 - $1.5 billion

       Percentage of kids under 15 who have their own TV  - 45%
       Percentage who feel they SHOULD have their own set - 65%

       Number of hours spent per week shopping - 6
       Number of hours spent per week reading  - 1
       Percentage of people who go to a mall with no reason - 75%

       Cost of a ton of rice in America - $ 180
       Cost of a ton of rice in Japan   -  2000
       Ahhh, but the Japanese government forbids the importing of rice
    in their country. Sound familiar?

       For those of you thinking of saving money on beef jerky by
    buying "Dog Jerky" - its primary ingredient is cow lungs.

       Speaking of which, about $1 billion is spent by Americans every
    year for medical disorders brought on by the eating of meat.

       Top paid male entertainer  -  Bill Cosby ($58 million)
       Top paid female entertainer - Madonna ($26 million)

       2.9 billion ounces of Coca-Cola are consumed every day, which
    is enough to fill 539,244 bathtubs. (That comes to a little over
    a trillion ounces, or 196,824,060 bathtubs full, per year.)
       The average American gulps down 42 gallons of pop per year.

       6 billion Oreo cookies are sold per year.

       In a survey of college students, about half thought that condoms
    come in different sizes, and 20% thought that having intercourse
    during menstruation was dangerous.

       In a survey 71% of Americans claimed to believe in an afterlife;
    and 5% said they thought it would be boring. (36% claimed to have
    had a personal conversation with God.)

       In a survey taken in Germany, 12% of those polled couldn't remember
    if they'd read any poetry in the previous year.

       Amount of time recommended per day for brushing teeth - 5.1 minutes
       Average time spent per day among Americans               30 seconds

       Average salary for a dentist - $105,000
       Average for his hygienist    -   18,000

       Average for a mid-level college professor - $31,500
    			Beginning salary        25,000
       		        Top average salary      38,000

       Average for a college football coach      -  78,000
    			Beginning salary        50,000
    			Top average salary     105,000

       The lowest paid, both initially and through advancement, of
    any career requiring college - teaching (other than sports).

       Amount of dust falling on an average 6-room house per year
    - 40 lbs.
       Percentage of women who think they should take care of the house
    - 46%
       Percentage of men who think women should take care of the house
    - 50%

       In New Zealand there are 3.5 million people and 68 million sheep.

        Dr. Stephan Kaplan claims that there are 200 living vampires in
    America, most of whom live in California. (He's from Elmhurst, NY.)

        Temperature of lightning   54,032 F
        Temp of sun's surface      10,922 F
        Temp at which butter melts     88 F

       Percentage of whites on deathrow for killing a black - 50.4
       Percentage of blacks on deathrow for killing a white - 41.4

       Number of executions since 1977 of whites for killing a black -  0
       Number of executions since 1977 of blacks for killing a white - 17

       Number of women on deathrow - 21

       Percentage of garbage collectors who are nonwhite - 32.9%
       Percentage of garbage collectors who are white    - 67.1%

       Percentage of total presidential campain press coverage given
    to the New Hampshire primary - 20%
       Percentage of total pop.   0.4%

       Percentage of Americans who agree with the 55-mph limit - 66%
       Percentage of Americans who obey that limit             - 17%

       Percentage of Americans who think female nudity in films should
    be illegal - 32%
       Percentage of Americans who think pornography should be legal
    for adults - 78%

       Percentage of parents who think that sex education should be
    taught by the parents - 90%
       Percentage who actually teach it - 9%
       Percentage of people who learn about sexually transmitted diseases
    from their parents - 12%

       Percentage who think that children should learn about sex from
    friends - (less than) 1%
       Percentage of children who do - 84%

       Here's a selected list of upcoming videos to be released
       AEROBICIDE
       COMPUTER BEACH PARTY
       EUNUCHS
       I WAS A TEENAGE TV TERRORIST
       NICE GIRLS DON'T EXPLODE
       PSYCHOS IN LOVE
       RAIDERS OF THE LIVING DEAD
       SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY
       SURF NAZIS MUST DIE

       In Indiana a man was listed as a suicide victim. Cause of death
    was given as 52 blows to the head with a hammer.

       In Virginia a pregnant woman has filed a $600,000 lawsuit against
    a department store which demanded that she remove her clothing from
    the waist up to prove that she wasn't stealing a basketball.

       A football coach in California was fired after he drew female
    genitalia on the tackling dummies to encourage the players to
    practice with more enthusiasm.

       In Canada a young drunk driver unsuccessfully tried to eat his
    underwear when stopped on the road. His excuse was that he thought
    the cotten would would absorb the alcohol in his stomach and thus
    change the breathalizer testing.

       In British Columbia a female hair salon attendant found herself
    in trouble for whacking a male customer on the head with a hair
    dryer. She'd seen his hands moving beneath the sheet and assumed
    he was . . .  well, doing something he shouldn't. It turned out that
    he was cleaning his glasses.

       Women concerned with rape can now buy chain-link panties, complete
    with padlock, for $180. Inventor Harry Bouwhuis of Canada claims that
    the nearly 2-pound "garment" is pierceproof.

       A new video has come out. The 60-minute video sells for $7.95
    in selected video stores and is titled, "The Wit and Wisdom of
    Ronald Reagan."
       The tape is blank.

       In ancient Rome (pre-Christian) a witness called to testify
    in court swore to tell the truth while placing the right hand
    on his testicles.

       Empress Anne of Russia was giving court one day and had to
    pass sentence on a nobleman. She gave him a choice. Death by
    hanging; or sit on a nest of eggs and cluck like a chicken. (My
    source didn't say what the crime was, or what choice he made.)

       A case from way back in 1821 involved a man named Desjardins,
    who was charged as an accomplice in a murder. Desjardins readily
    admitted to his part in the murder, but when finally brought to
    court defended himself by saying that he was a horrible liar. For
    this end he brought forth countless witnesses to testify as to
    his poor character and unreliability. The court finally tossed
    out the case saying that no one could believe a word Desjardins
    said.

       In 1943 a Minnesota man named Dittrick was committed as a
    "sexual psychopath" because he wanted sexual intercourse with
    his wife "as often as 3 or 4 times per week."

       In 1974 a 47-year-old California woman won a $1 million suit
    against a health club. According to the testimony, she'd been
    accidentally locked in a sauna for 90 minutes, which caused her
    to pick up 24 men in barrooms.
       The same lawyer, Marvin Lewis, had also successfully brought
    an earlier client $50,000 in damages when the woman claimed that
    an accident she'd had involving a street car caused her to become
    a nymphomaniac.

       In a 1915 case (The People vs. Gerstenfeld - New York) it was
    declared that two men greeting each other by placing the thumb
    against the nose and wiggling the fingers is an act of
    disorderly conduct.

       In a 1972 case in Japan, a talking crow was brought up on
    charges of pecking children and using obscene language in
    public. They had to let the bird go when it refused to answer
    questions at the police station.

       In 1970 a woman's group was brought up on charges of bombing
    Harvard University's Center for International Affairs. It seemed
    that it was an open-and-shut case, since the women admitted to
    the bombing. The case was dismissed, however, when the Cambridge
    Police Department testified, "This was a very sophisticated bomb.
    We feel that women wouldn't be capable of making such a bomb."

       In Jackson, Mississippi in 1972 police stopped a car that
    was weaving all over the road. There was indeed a drunk in the
    car - as the passenger. His friend was driving him home because
    of his drunken state.
       The friend was totally blind.

       It's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket
    in Lexington, Kentucky.

       Still my all-time favorite - in Ohio it's illegal to fish
    from a bridge while sitting on a giraffe.

    Until Next Time

       Thus ends another issue of the magazine. I'm still buried
    under by deadlines, and if things go the way they seem to be
    heading, in the next week or so the situation will only get
    worse.
       I do have three articles to get done, so perhaps I'll strip
    them down to ASCII and use them as Zephyr Magazine issues - or
    at least modified versions of them.
       Or . . . . .

Zephyr Magazine is © Gene Williams. All rights reserved.