### Apollo BBS Archive - July 28, 1988

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    Message: 3934
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: dancers
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:44:39

    Do they wear band-aids over their nipples?

    Message: 3935
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Answer!
    Subject: Last
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 20:16:11

    They only tell their boyfriends that.  They also tell them that they aren't
    allowed to see them working.  Some people will believe anything.

    Message: 3936
    Author: $ Paul Savage
    Category: Question?
    Subject: Zak
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 06:05:11

    Why? Are they bleeding?

    Message: 3937
    Author: $ Todd Reese
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Exotic Dancing
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 18:15:50

    Well, all this talk about exotic dancers got me a little curious, so I
    ventured on down to the local topless bar and GUESS WHAT - yep, right there,
    right up on the stage - Ann Oudin and Sandy SYSOP were dancing and giggling
    away.

    I laughed so hard they threw me out.

    Message: 3938
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Answer!
    Subject: Last
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 18:55:15

    The way I heard it, you tried to get a little too personal with the ladies.

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    Message: 917
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit-Chat
    Subject: Rod/last
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 05:56:57

    Thanks darling! XXOO =*--ANN--*=

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    Message: 1668
    Author: $ Lloyd Pulley
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: #1666/Taranto
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 04:43:36

       If I gotta explain it to you, it' ain't worth the trouble.

    (LL)oyd Pulley

    Message: 1669
    Author: $ Lloyd Pulley
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: More Jokes
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 04:46:26

       Here's a couple that even James T. can understand........

    Q:  What do you call a masturbating bull?
    A:  Beef Stroganoff.

    What do you call a crustacean that has alternating black and white squares
    painted upon its carapace?

    A: A checker crab.

    Q: And what's the term for a gay person impaled upon a barbecue spit?

    A: A swish-kabob.

    Message: 1670
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: Lloyd on JT
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 05:58:58

    He didn't understand that joke because he never 'got it up' with rye bread
    or otherwise! Ta ta. =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 1671
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: bread and sex
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:50:47

    I've had some kinky experiences with French bread.  It's pretty good - soft
    in the center, you know.

    Message: 1672
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: Ann
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:52:29

    Your drawing of me was TOO FUNNY, Ann!  Do you seriously believe that your
    music tutorial would inspire me to come all the way up to Phoenix just to
    irritate you by putting a big dong in your yard?  Ha!  Get real, chickie!

    Message: 1673
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: Ann
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 18:47:20

    If you must be vulgar, at least don't be such a fucking idiot about it.

    Message: 1674
    Author: $ Alan Hamilton
    Category: Answer !
    Subject: Virus
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 07:24:51

       I tried, but it only works on color monitors, not colour ones.

         /
     /  *  /  Alan
    *     *

    Message: 1675
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Cosmos-Chatter
    Subject: Zakey Baby sculking
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:12:18

    No - I was wrong. It wasn't the tutorial that did it - it was that horrible
    Twisted Sister poster I sent you. Right? Ta ta. =*--ANN--*=
    P.S. And - a little bird told me you WERE in town at that time!

    Message: 1676
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Up Yours
    Subject: Taranto
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:14:29

    I happen to love 'vulgar' - so fuck off buddy!

            * Vote Libertarian *

    The outer COSmos Bulletin Board command:EC

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    Subject:Ann

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     1:        Did YOU really say that?  I can't belive you would actually say the
     2:F word.  My, my.....
     3:                                Rod
     4:
     5:P.S. JT, we still love you but fuck off.
     6:end

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    Message: 53341
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Vacation
    Date: 07/26/88  Time: 23:51:32

    Here is my report on Oregon/Washington during my vacation.

      All the sawmills are on strike and most of the workers do not even know
    why. One mill went on strike for some reason and the unions shut down all
    the rest to force a settlement. The mills have already become so outdated
    and uncompetitive that much of the timber is sent straight to Japan because
    it is cheaper to haul it there whole than saw it here.
      Someone has stocked the Willamette river with piranha and they are
    surviving because of the warm weather.
      One city in Oregon had their official government astrologer resign and
    were deliberating on whether or not to fill the post.
      All land in and around the Colombia Gorge (including my parents' farm)
    has been stolen, although the 'owners' will still be allowed to pay
    property taxes on it.
      Environmental terrorists prance around on TV every day gleefully telling
    how they will destroy logging equipment and do everything they can to
    endanger the lives of loggers and mill workers if plans to salvage some
    dead, burnt, timber before it rots are allowed to go ahead.

      See you later,
         Dean H.

    Message: 53342
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Politics
    Subject: JT
    Date: 07/26/88  Time: 23:54:04

      Since I reached a different conclusion than Rothbard and you chose to
    mention me rather than him as an example of Libertarian views, you really
    have no defense against the charge that your evaluation of Libertarianism
    was slipshod and inaccurate. You might want to give the positions of the
    Libertarian candidate for President more weight than something I once said
    in a theoretical debate.
      If drug laws are more costly than legalization AND an illegitimate use of
    force then what is the fault in the Libertarian position? If drug laws are
    less costly than legalization and there is no way of finding out without
    trying legalization then what is the fault in the Libertarian position?

          I have never seen a man whose bearing was so provoking and
       intolerable. To no opinion, which differed from his, he accorded
       the honor of even a condescending consideration. Everyone who
       contradicted him he treated with abject contempt; every arguement
       that he did not like he answered either with biting scorn at the
       unfathomable ingorance that had prompted it, or with opprobrious
       aspersions upon the motives of him who had advanced it.
               - Fellow revolutionary Carl Schurz speaking of Karl Marx

    Message: 53343
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Dean/vacation
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 05:50:44

    They ship the timber to Japan to be cut because it's cheaper than doing it
    here? Something is sure wrong with our economy if we have to do that!
    What did you mean when you mentioned your families farm was stolen? Please
    elaborate. I remember those saw mills as being and smelling so wonderful and
    the rivers full of fish. (1972) Guess too many Californians moved up there
    and made it another 'Fruitcakeland'! =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 53344
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Question?
    Subject: JT
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 05:56:18

    It seems to be obvious you do not want drugs legalized. What is your answer
    for that major problem then? You, at times seem to speak with a forked
    tongue. I have heard you say that people are responsible for themselves -
    they bring their own problems upon themselves - then on the other hand, on
    issues like abortion and drugs you don't want people making their own
    decissions! =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 53345
    Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
    Category: The SYSOP Speaks
    Subject: Classic Apollo
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 12:12:10

            I powered up the old Mod I today with the 'OLD' 6.5 Apollo Ware
    and took a quick glance at what was posted last year and the year before
    that..... and so on....   Last year the trend was to post predictions for
    '1988'...   See Dean McCarron say "California will be destroyed by a large
    earth quake in May of 88"  (That-a-way Dean).   Oddly enough, some of the
    predictions even came true.... stay tuned and find out when "Classic Apollo"
    goes back on line, Saturday Night Live!  YES, Mr Slone returns for a short
    engagment from the BBS's of Yesteryear.   Don't MISS this!

            This is all part of Apollo's 6th year Birthday party celebration.

    *=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

    Message: 53346
    Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
    Category: Commercial
    Subject: Book Clearance
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 12:32:34

            SALE SALE SALE....  All BOOKS must go...

    ALL "BOOKS" priced at the very low price of $3.50 (except Atari ST books)

    *=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=**=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*
    *=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=**=* the 'Mighty' Apollo SYSOP *=*

    P.S.  That is $3.50 EACH pilgrim

    Message: 53347
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Hathaway
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 16:57:24

    My characterization of your view on abortion is accurate, as far as I
    recall.  If I am mistaken, please correct me.  Incidentally, the Libertarian
    presidential candidate opposes legal abortion, much to the dismay of many
    doctrinaire libertarians.

    My complaint about the doctrinaire libertarian approach to drug legalization
    and similar issues is not that the policies proposed are incorrect (I have
    not studied the issue well enough to make this determination) but that the
    reasoning is unsatisfactory because it refuses to take into account anything
    except the narrow question of government coercion.

    Message: 53348
    Author: Apro Poet
    Category: Tales & Tall Stories
    Subject: Tru Fax
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:14:34

      The following visions have been reported:
      In Mount Shasta, California, more than five thousand
    people have visited Diane Boettcher's home to see the image
    of an angel which first appeared on her television set
    during a news program on the harmonic convergence.
      In fostoria, Ohio, residents were braced for an influx of
    visitors after reports that a fifteen-foot image of Jesus
    Christ and a child had appeared on the side of a soybean-oil
    storage tank every night for a week.
      In Nashville, Tennessee, cars jammed a narrow road leading
    to a mobile-home park to see the shadow cast on Arlene
    Gardner's freezer when neighbor Katherine Partin turned on
    her porch light.  The image looked like a two-foot image of
    Jesus' face.
      Officials in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, considered moving
    a newly installed streetlight that was reflecting off a bay
    window and casting an image of the Blessed Virgin in a
    grotto on another residence.
      In Supino, Italy, crowds of pilgrims flocked to see an
    image of Jesus Christ produced by pollution deposits on a
    dirty windowpane.

    Message: 53349
    Author: Apro Poet
    Category: Tales & Tall Stories
    Subject: Tru Fax
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:19:06

    From the *Montreal Gazette*:
                           JESUS IS ALIVE
    he was recreated scientifically on another planet thanks to
                                DNA
    For free information write to:
      C.R.M.
      2555 Havre-des-iles
      Suite 814
      Chomeday, Laval, Qc
      Canada H7W 4R4
      387-29 3

    Message: 53350
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Politics
    Subject: Dukakis
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 17:59:29

    Lick Bush in '88...

    Message: 53351
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Oudin
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 18:46:02

    Can't you read, you clown?  I did not take a position on drug legalization,
    I used that issue as an example of what is wrong with doctrinaire
    libertarian thinking about policy issues.  As for your question about
    abortion, it is self-evident that the right to choose one's actions for
    oneself does not allow one to violate the rights of others.  While you may
    be free to commit suicide, you are not free to commit murder.

    Message: 53352
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Politics
    Subject: Dukakis
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 19:06:51

      If you're not a Bush sucker, then what are you?
      See you later,
         Dean H.

    Message: 53353
    Author: $ Jim Lippard
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Taranto
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 19:13:13

    I just read Ronald Hamowy's _Dealing With Drugs_, Arnold Trebach's _The
    Great Drug War_, and Thomas Szasz's _Ceremonial Chemistry_ over the weekend.
    I think the case for legalization is still extremely strong even when social
    factors are taken into consideration.  In fact, the data from Holland and
    Alaska seems to indicate that decriminalization leads to less marijuana use,
    oddly enough. Before reading these books, I had severely underestimated the
    negative factors in drugs being illegal.

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    Subject:Lippard/Drugs

    Enter a line containing only an <*> to stop
     1:        It is known that many illegal drugs can cause paranoia.  When I
     2:lived in New Orleans in the 60's, marijuana was VERY illegal.  What I mean
     3:is, that just having one seed in your possession was enough for the
     4:establishment to put you away for many years.  Yes, I did have my moments of
     5:paranoia there but then I moved to San Francisco in 1967 for a shot period
     6:and people were smoking it openly on the streets, in view of the police.  {T

     7:The effect that pot gave was more mellow with NO paranoia.  The point I am
     8:trying to make is that with harsh laws it is no wonder that highly illegal
     9:drugs makes one paranoid but take away the penalty the fear goes with it.
    10:        I was told recently by a Maricopa County Probation Officer that he
    11:believes as long as alcohol is legal then so should pot be legal.
    12:                                Rod
    13:end

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    Subject:Dean/Oregon

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     1:        Gee, I have been saving for a move to Oregon.
     2:end

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    Message: 53356
    Author: $ Apollo SYSOP
    Category: Politics
    Subject: Dukakis
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 23:20:04

            You know that Dukakis is not friendly towards Gun people.  He would
    love to UNARM America...  Look at the Laws in Mass....  Get the hint.
            I do not have great love for Bush, but I dislike Dukakis...period!

    Vote Bush and keep your arms

    Message: 53357
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Politics
    Subject: Ann
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 23:37:13

      The environmental gestapo has seized land along the Columbia river and
    its tributaries and made it into a no-mans-land. They haven't bought the
    land, and the 'owners' must still pay taxes on it, but it's value has
    been destroyed by their arbitrary restrictions on use and development.
    My father says they have told him they intend to put campgrounds on his
    farm WITHOUT buying it. This doesn't sound like it can possibly be legal.
      See you later,
         Dean H.

    Message: 53358
    Author: $ Dean Hathaway
    Category: Politics
    Subject: JT
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 23:39:02

      The portion of your criticism of Libertarianism dealing with abortion
    consisted entirely of the sentence, 'Also, as Dean Hathaway has
    demonstrated, their views on abortion are shallow and mindless.' What I
    said on the subject back in february was that a woman should have the
    right to control her own body, and to remove an unwanted entity from it,
    but that this did not mean that an unborn child could be killed during
    the process. Shallow and mindless or not, this was my opinion and did
    not agree with Rothbard's conclusion that the life of the child was not
    a consideration. I maintain that it was inappropriate to cite me as THE
    source of Libertarian views on the subject, and I mentioned Ron Paul
    as a more appropriate example in full knowledge that he opposes abortion.
      I think that the 'narrow question of government coercion' is exactly
    what is missing from government policy decisions and that no other
    Libertarian goal is as important as elevating that question to its
    rightful position. For Libertarians to start downplaying that aspect of
    their philosphy before it has had the needed impact on national policy
    would be a tragic mistake.
      See you later,
         Dean H.

    Message: 53359
    Author: Erik Anderson
    Category: Entertainment/Movies
    Subject: Fantasy Football
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 01:43:31

    Do you like football?  Well, if so you should try out the fantasy football
    league that CompuSports is going to be running.  You draft NFL players, and
    your team does according to how well the players do in real life.  During
    the season you can make trades with other teams, and you will even play
    other teams in league games.  Check out the PCFL on CompuSports, 242-5415.
    Call for more details, and if you like football you will love this game.

    CompuSports
    242-5415
    24hrs, 300/1200

    Message: 53360
    Author: $ Paul Savage
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Cliff/Dukakis/guns
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 06:04:10

    Michael Dukakis' opinions concerning guns are pretty well known. However,
    I seriously doubt that they will have too much effect once he is in the
    White House. Don't sell the NRA and other gun lobbies short, or forget that
    one man's opinions donot make laws, and those who do are answerable to we
    the people. Anti-gun laws, or even gun registration laws would make
    criminals out of a lot of people. I do not believe that we will see such on
    a national level.

    Message: 53361
    Author: $ Bill Burkett
    Category: Question?
    Subject:  JT's LUNCH w/ BORK
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 06:51:27

    Did you have pork with Bork?  Did you pop a cork with Bork?  Did you act
    like a dork with Bork?
            xxxooo

    Message: 53362
    Author: $ Alan Hamilton
    Category: Politics
    Subject: The US Prez
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 07:22:28

        I have my doubts about just how effective a president is in some fields.
    The usual process is to claim responsibility for things that go well and
    blame the things that go wrong on the preceding adminstration or the
    Congress.
        For example, Reagan claims responsibility for getting inflation under
    control, but it was more due to the actions of Paul Volker, who was
    appointed by Carter.
       As another example, many people don't want Dukakis to be elected because
    of the large debts run up in Massachusets.  The same people blame Congress,
    not Reagan, for the large debt the US has run up in recent years.  My
    question is, if the President isn't the one that runs up deficits, why worry
    about Dukakis?  If it's Congress that runs up deficits, Dukakis will have no
    affect on it.

         /
     /  *  /  Alan
    *     *

    Message: 53363
    Author: $ Jim Lippard
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: last
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 08:13:54

    Except that Dukakis will fail to veto things that a Republican president
    would veto.

    Message: 53364
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Dean/what's legal
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 08:59:56

    It is amazing what so called 'enviromentalists' can do! The first time we
    ran in to it was in Prescott. We wanted to buy 8 1/2 acres with four log
    houses on it for an investment purpose - live in one and rent the others
    out. We also wanted to put a mobile home park on the rest. There was no
    restriction problems because the guy who owned it had a 'Air Lock' log plant
    on the property and had had it there for 20 years - he also rented the log
    houses. He moved his plant and wanted to sell the rest. We put our down
    payment on it and went to the city. First of all, they told us it was in the
    flood plain and nothing could be put on it. (It was not because we already
    knew where the flood plain was - but we had found out they had moved it when
    this guy put this piece of property on the market!) Secondly, no mobile
    homes were allowed in that area - yet they were right down the street. Then
    we decided to put a camp ground there that in our opinion, was badly needed
    in that area - again, a veto. The end result - the city decided that area
    ought to be a bird sancuary - with the right of the owner to rent out those
    4 houses! We had to back off of the project because it was going to be a
    life long thing for us - to live there and make some sort of living. The guy
    that owned it said he was going to sue the city. He did eventually sell it
    to a real estate broker and it sits today, in the same condition it was in
    1974! All 4 houses sits on less than an acre and the rest is a mess - just
    sitting there. There is absolutely nothing a person can do - only wait for a
    turn over in city government. But usually that doesn't work either. In the
    case of Oregon - when we were there, the locals were complaining about the
    Californians coming in and buying up the river land. So I'm sure (Cont)

    Message: 53365
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Cont.
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:04:36

    .... they got the environmentalists in there to stop it. But they cut their
    own throats in doing so. In the case of your father - he could fight it, but
    it would probablly be a losing battle - mainly because of court costs. Plus
    - you get in bad with the city fathers and they make it hard for you every
    step of the way on other things too!
    I firmly believe that environmentalist have more power than the president!

                  * Vote Libertarian *

    Message: 53366
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: News Today
    Subject: Koop the Poop
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:53:47

    Fron the looks of the paper this morning, old 'Poop' is at it again with the
    'eating right' sermon. He admits to violating good eating habits and is
    leaving it to his genes to pull him through! Another case of 'Don't do as I
    do, do as I say' type stuff. =*--ANN--*=

    Message: 53367
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Todd
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 10:16:24

    Old English spellings don't look stupid (to me), and I've grown up writing
    modern English all of my life. Also, French, Spanish, German, Italian,
    Arabic, Chinese, and Russian look quite respectable, also. Could you
    imagine, though, having your seven-year-old come through the door, and say:

    "Daddy! Daddy! I learned how to spell cat today! Wanna hear?"

    "Sure, son!"

    "K-A-T."

    "Uh...that's...uh...GOOD, son. Now run into the kichin and help your muthur
    with the dishis."

    Message: 53368
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Cliff/53356
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 10:21:34

    Gee, if Dukakis took away all our arms, we'd either have a very sore nose,
    or this would be a very dead BBS indeed.

    Message: 53369
    Author: $ Daryl Westfall
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Example/Last
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 10:25:47

    this message was typed with my face.

    That message took exactly 40 seconds to type. Do you want these types of
    delays to tie up BBS systems all day long? No! Vote against Dukakis, and
    KEEP your arms!

    This message was brought to you as a public service of Strange People for
    No-one.

    Message: 53370
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Answer!
    Subject: Last
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 14:32:50

    I can type with my toes, but it's very slow.  Probably slower than your
    nose.  I suppose you could use your tongue, but you'd have to have one of
    those protective covers for your keyboard.

    Message: 53371
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Westfall
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 15:38:21

    Shut up, puke-breath.

    Message: 53372
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Hathaway
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 15:39:57

    Your point is valid, as far as it goes.  However, libertarians are not going
    to have any effect on public policy as long as they frame their arguments in
    doctrinaire libertarian terms.  This is why the Cato Institute and the
    Reason Foundation are much more effective than the Libertarian Party.

    Message: 53373
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Lippard
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 15:40:44

    I don't deny that a strong case can be made for legalization, I merely deny
    that the doctrinaire libertarian case is a strong one.

    Message: 53374
    Author: $ James Taranto
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Bill Burkett
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 15:41:46

    Go burn in hell.

    Message: 53375
    Author: $ Jim Lippard
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: Winnebago Surfing
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 16:05:57

    Article 528 in rec.humor.funny (Usenet):
    Date: 28 Jul 88 03:30:02 GMT
    From: commgrp@silver.bacs.indiana.edu (BACS Data Communications Group)
    Subject: Winnebago Surfing

    The wonderfully dangerous sport of WINNEBAGO SURFING was invented by rock
    climbers in a national park in Western U.S.  The surfer lurks in an
    overhanging tree, rock, output port of tunnel, etc., and hops a ride on the
    top of a slow-moving motorhome driven by a tourist.  He waves at passing
    motorists, jumps up and down noisily on the roof, or hangs upside-down over
    the windshield and makes faces at the driver (while anchored securely with
    climbing equipment, since the mark invariably hits the brakes)!  Ideally,
    the surfer catches another tree or pre-rigged rope and disappears vertically
    before the mark can dismount to investigate (camouflage clothing is useful
    here).  An informant in the National Park Service says that the Department
    of the Interior ordered the NPS to deal harshly with Winnebago Surfers, and
    to suppress all mention of Winnebago Surfing in internal newsletters and
    publications, lest the practice become widespread.

    Message: 53376
    Author: Apro Poet
    Category: Tales & Tall Stories
    Subject: Tru Fax
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 17:19:18

    From the *(Auckland, New Zealand) Central Leader*:

                        LUNATIC PSYCHOPATH
                      Kevin "Maddog" Mudford
                           SPEAKS AT:
                      CHRISTIAN CITY CHURCH
                         LABOUR WEEKEND
                         Saturday 7pm
                      Sunday 10am and 7pm
            PLUS: 'PERFECT TIMING' - CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND
    KEVIN MUDFORD HAS BEEN IN OVER 30 INSTITUTIONS, HAS BEEN
    CHARGED WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER, HAD AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM - IN
    FACT HE WAS ONE BIG PROBLEM.  PSYCHOLOGISTS LABELLED HIM A
    LUNATIC PSYCHOPATH AND HAD GIVEN UP ON HIM.  THEN GOD ZAPPED
    HIM! - TODAY, HAPPY AND RELAXED KEVIN SHARES THROUGHOUT THE
    COUNTRY, THE MESSAGE OF GODS POWER THAT HAS TRANSFORMED HIS
    LIFE.
    VENUE: Maungawhau Schools Hall,
    ELLERTON ROAD (off Mt Eden Rd)
    PHONE PASTOR HAMISH DIVETT 501-057

    Message: 53377
    Author: Apro Poet
    Category: Tales & Tall Stories
    Subject: Tru Fax
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 17:30:58

    A Correction notice appearing in the *Trenton Times*:
      There was an error in the Dear Abby column that was
    published on Monday.  In the fifth paragraph, the second
    sentence stated that Charlie's hiccups were cured temporarily
    through the use of carbon monoxide.  It should have read
    carbon dioxide.

      Officials of the First of American Bank in Lansing,
    Michigan, have decided not to press charges against a
    panhandler who asked a teller for fifty cents for a beer and
    was handed $1,300 by mistake.  The man said he spent the
    money.

      An appeal filed by convicted murderer Stephen Peter Morin
    was dismissed by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.  Morin
    had already been executed in another murder case.

      John Ford,  a resident of Mangotsfield, Bristol, was
    rescued from potentially fatal injuries by Colin Sweet, an
    employee of the Central Electricity Generating Board.  Ford,
    who was attempting to commit suicide, had crashed his car
    into a bridge at a hundred miles per hour, staggered nearly
    half a mile, climbed onto a 132,000-volt power line, where he
    caught fire, then fell more than fifty feet to the ground.

    Bulletin Board command:JWAY

    *=* Journey to a SIG *=*

    *=* WAY Below Normal Bulletin Board entered *=*

    WAY Below Normal Bulletin Board command:$C

    Press  to abort

    Message: 34
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: Last
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 06:16:15

    Actually I've never seen Zak drool.  Now if the category were ourtney
    drools, now THAT, I could buy.

    Message: 35
    Author: $ Zak Woodruff
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: drooling
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 18:02:37

    I try to keep my drooling to a minimum around others.  I've tried to quit
    for years but it's a habit I just can't kick...or lick, as the case may be.
    As for my fanbelt, Rod, it was the alternator, and it's fixed now, thank you
    very much.

    Mike Carter, I can smell you...I can SMELL YOU!

    WAY Below Normal Bulletin Board command:EZ

    You chose Zak Drools

    Subject:Way Below Normal

    Enter a line containing only an <*> to stop
     1:        Zak was here for a while this evening and Jasmine gave him a glass
     2:of cold iced tea.  Well, after he left, I inadvertantly picked up his glass
     3:and took a drink of the little bit he had left.
     4:        Getting to the point, my doctor now informs me that I have aids and
     5:upon close examination, the glass, (Zak's) showed a colony of that dreaded
     6:virus.   THANKS A HELL OF A LOT ZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     7:                                ROD
     8:P.S.  Since I have been so worried about getting AIDS, I get a test for it
     9:on a daily basis.  I am so paranoid, I even use a condom when I masturbate.
    10:
    11:Well, I suppose I don't have long to live now.....again, thanks Zak for
    12:Drooling on the glass.
    13:end

    Edit command:S

    Saving message...
    The message is 36

    Message: 37
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Zak Drools
    Subject: Rod/AIDS
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:43:06

    I least you are practicing 'safe sex' as Koop the Poop says you should -
    using a condom while masterbating!  =*--ANNIE the ASSp--*=

    Message: 38
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Steven Wild-Pussy
    Subject: Steven/question
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:44:56

    How come you havn't complained about your category? -- Steven wild-pussy? I
    know that you are the Apollo wild cat - but pussy???? Is there something
    your not telling us? =*--ANNIE the ASSp--*=

    Message: 39
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Annie the ASSp
    Subject: This sig.
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:46:52

    After reading some of these posts and adding a few myself - I can see why we
    are all in this sig! Love it! =*--ANNIE the ASSp--*=

    Message: 40
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Hawley Crock Smith
    Subject: The Void
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:48:37

    And don't think I didn't see the insult pointed at me regarding my face in
    the story! But I got even with the Wesson Oil bit. Heh heh heh. =*--ANNIE
    the ASSp--*=

    Message: 41
    Author: $ Steven Carls
    Category: Steven Wild-Pussy
    Subject: name
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 18:48:45

    Cliff has been calling me that for years, EH???  I think he is jealous, or
    was.  I am surprised he is still calling me that, I 'd thought he would
    have grown up by now, EH???  Well, there are many other names he could call
    me, EH???  My friends call me man-BEAST....  But that is another story,
    EH???
     " The ATARI WILDCAT "  Steven Carls

    Enter category,  for list:E

    You chose Elf A-L-A-N

    Subject:

    WAY Below Normal Bulletin Board command:EA

    You chose Annie the ASSp

    Subject:Way Below Normal

    Enter a line containing only an <*> to stop
     1:        Like wow, dude, time don't exist.  We all are crocks of shit and
     2:this earth sucks the big one.
     3:        Gee, finally a SIG I can relate to, duh!
     4:end

    Edit command:S

    Saving message...
    The message is 42

    *=* Journey to a SIG *=*

    *=* VOID Bulletin Board entered *=*

    Message: 1470
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: story
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 22:33:34

    Alright, guys, let's get on with the story here.  This is a board for a
    continuing story so get with the damned program!

    Message: 1471
    Author: $ James Hawley
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: continuation
    Date: 07/27/88  Time: 22:48:36

    So anyway, Cliff, in a fit of rage, went into a coma and lay unconscious.
    "Oh dear" shouted Ann, wiping the drool from the cold slab of skin some call
    a face.  We rushed Cliff to the hoSPITal for an examination, worried that
    his condition could end in a fatal mess.  "Stick out your tongue," commanded
    the wealthy doctor, but Cliff could not comply, just lie, like a fish out of
    water, giving up.  Ann reached in amd grabbed Cliff's tongue with a
    voracious energy that only Ann has.  "Wow, some tongue!" exclaimed Ann,
    peering enviously at Sandy.  We all made an effort to roll the large thing
    out, heck, it was like a giant wet red carpet, only you couldn't walk on it
    without really high-quality treads, you know?   "Ok" said the nice doctor,
    "He is suffering from Gemini Syndrome.  It happens to many computer
    retailers when they stagnate in one outlet for too long."  Sandy's face
    became grim at this point and asked, "Is there anything we can do to save
    him?"  The doctor, throwing everyone a serious look, said "You can pray.
    And, it might help if you just close the whole thing down and move on to
    something else completely."  "Like what?" asked Sandy.  "Well, it could
    be...just, anything."  "SUCH AS?" everyone asked in unison.  "Well, such
    as...such as pirating, pimping, and RECALLING CORBIN!!!"

    "Ahhh...."

    Just at that moment...

    Message: 1472
    Author: $ Ann Oudin
    Category: Chit Chat
    Subject: story
    Date: 07/28/88  Time: 09:37:25

    ... Dean McCarron walks in with his bottle of Wesson Oil and promply goes
    over to where poor Cliff is laying on the table with his tongue hanging out
    all over the place and Ann standing by him gawking at that red, long,
    exciting piece of meat. "Stand aside all of you" commands Dean. "Let me take
    care of him"!
    He carefully rolls Cliff's tongue back in his mouth and procedes to pour a
    few drops of the oil into Cliff's mouth and stood back. For a few seconds,
    nothing happens and they all figured dear Cliff was a gonner - when all of a
    sudden, his eye lids fluttered and then opened. Sandy rushed over. "Oh my
    darling, you are alive!"
    Ann rushes over and says "Oh my darling, you are alive!"
    James rushes over and says "Oh my darling, you are alive!"
    "Cliff frowns at  James. "Get away from me! Just because theres some Wesson
    Oil around doesn't mean ......"
    The doctor says "now, now, all of you get away from him and let him have
    some air. He's had a bad time of it and needs to rest!"
    "Rest?" cried Sandy. "How long does he have to REST?"
    "Don't worry about it Sandy" said Dean. He'll get his godly powers back
    pretty quick. Just let the oil do it's job!"
    "Ok! OK! But we are having a party Saturday night and one of his powers must
    be restored by then" Sandy said.
    "Which power is that"? asked Ann.
    "The power to ........

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