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[]                                                            []
[]            DR. ARCANE'S GUIDE TO MAGGOT WEEDING            []
[]                                                            []
[]                       VOLUME 1.0                           []
[]                                                            []
[]            CONCEIVED AND CREATED BY:  DR. ARCANE           []
[]                                                            []
[]  [CALL THE ARCHIVES] [10 MEG BBS/AE] [815] [344] [0481]    []
[]      [THE SANCTUARY]                 [815] [344] [4671     []
[]                                                            []
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
 
 
PREFACE:
 
One day, while calling some AE lines, while dialing out, some one
tried to get through to my board.  A common occurance that is
quite a pain in the ass when your tring to dial out, but one you
have to up up with no-the-less.  It just so happens that this
call was a bigger pain in the ass then I first thought.......
I thru Ae into remote and decided to chat with whoever was
calling. This is how it went:
 
                A=Arcane                M=Maggot
 
A:I have to make some outgoing calls the system will be down for
an hour or two. Who is this?
 
M:Who is this?
 
A:Take a wild guess
 
M:I dunno. I give up.
 
A:What system are you calling?
 
M:Tell me your name first.     (Editorial: I knew what was
                                comming...)
A:Look asshole, if you don't
  even know what system you
  are calling, much less the
  person who runs it, Then it's
  my cue to say:  Goodbye...
 
^Q H.....Lost Carrier.. Dial Tone....
 
 
Just as I thought I had made a move in saving callers from this
maggot, as I go to dial out... No dialtone..  carrier instead..
So I throw it in remote again...
 
 
A:Hello?
 
M:i am calling thee AAcrives..
 
A:And who do you think runs the Archives?
 
M:Well I guess Dr. Arcane
 
A:Good. (can you say "maggot weeder"?)
 
A:Now, let me ask you some questions...
  What's your name for starters?
 
M:Amega Factor
 
A:Ok, where ya calling from?
 
M:Cary  (gee that helps!)
 
A:How old are you?
 
M:12   (Now this is where I have to draw the line.. )
 
A:Did you just get your modem?  (is it that obvious?)
 
M:Yes.
 
A:Well I need the system, so inother words...
 
Click.. Dialtone city...
 
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As we all know people like this pose a serious threat to the
board hopping community at large.  We are sitting ducks for
miles upon miles of maggot ass 12 year old c-64 users that
just got there modem.  Since legistation has not passed a law
that makes BBS access for mature audiences only, we must take
immediate action.
 
The following is a list of things to look out for when new
people log on to your system.  If they have too many of the
following on profile, please take the nessary steps as listed
at the end of this file.  The criteria for maggot weeding is
as follows:
 
                       1st Catagory: Names
                       === ========= =====
 
Caller: Brian Moss              (Real name? Goodbye)
 
Caller:Indy 500 jones the 3rd   (fucks up e-mail)
 
Phone freak                     (is that Phreak or freak? Who
                                  cares, goodbye)
The Sourcerer                   (Can't spell his own name..)
 
Michal Jackson                  (Fuck you! It would be even
                                  worse if it reall was!)
The 64 kid                      (The asshole advertizes the fact
                                 that he is.. )
Old Style                       (Tasts like piss water. goodbye)
 
Dr. Software                    (if he owns a Timex Sinclair,
                                 [you can take it from here])
64 Man                          (Those 2 magic numbers!)
 
Apple Hater                     (This demands retaliation.)
 
The 64 AE'er                    (it's hard to belive but there
                                 out there)
No Access Man                   (you got it dude...)
 
 
These are just a few examples of what to look out for when people
input there names.  Now let's take a look at where they call from
 
 
             2nd Catagory: Location of caller...
             === ========  ======== == ======
 
Question: So, where are you calling from?
 
Answers:
-------
 
My house
My computer
My modem
The computer room
Jr. High School
The basment
From work
From 10pm to 8am
My Telephone
 
 
People this ignorant can only have one use.... Well, make that no
use..  Be sure not to hit the control reset button too hard, you
wouldn't want to damage your computer on an account of a geek.
 
 
 
                  3rd Catagory: Computer Types
                  === ========  ======== =====
 
1. Apple       (A sign of excellence)
2. C-64        (Cool people only, too many is asking for trouble)
3. Trs-80      (Most are cool and give good info)
4. Timex       (Instant disconnection)
5. Ti          (I only know one Ti user with a modem)
6. Tandy       (Instant Disconnection)
7. Vic 20      (Faster then Instant disconnection)
8. Atari       (Few cool users own Atari's. They know who they ar
9. Spectrum    (A what??? Goodbye)
10. Home Brew  (These people are extreamly interesting.. )
 
What computer people operate is an extreamly important detail to
look out for.  If you run an AE, just skip over 2-9. Some home
brews are apple compatible.
 
 
                   4th Catagory: City & State
                   === ========  ==== = =====
 
Your city & State:  Cleavland Mo.
                    Chicago Wis.
                    Nashville Ca.
                    Los Angeles D.C.
                    Main
                    60009
                    The third from the left
                    The one right under (Click... Dialtone...)
 
[You know what to do...]
 
 
                 5th Catagory: Your interests..
                 === ========  ==== =========
 
What do you like to do most on boards?
 
Answers:
 
Read Messages              (just read? No post? Dialtone city)
Call them                  (Answer the question right, goodbye)
Be on them                 (Same as above)
freak and hack             ("Phreak" you asshole)
Trade public domain        (Save me, Save me, Save me)
Download                   (Doesn't everyone?)
Make new freinds           (Oh yea, make new playmates!)
 
 
Be specific when looking at new caller resume's they can tell
alot about the caller you will have to put up with once you
give the little geek 2 slivers of access.
 
 
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And so ends Volume 1.0 of Maggot Weeding.  For those of you who
feel put down, cut down, kinda mad or a little pissed off by
reading this, then take a BIG HINT. You are proabably a maggot.
Those who laughed and said: "I know the feeling" are the ones
that make boards what they are today. The people that said
this file was a good guide to new system operators on what to
look out for, are proud to be part of the decent board hopping
community of this country.
 
                     Maggots are faggots so
                    what do we do about this?
                        We kick them down
                        throw them around
                   then throw them in the piss
 
Maggot weeding 1.1 to be out soon.. Look for it..
 
 
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