 ±±±±±±Ü ±±Ü ±±±ÜÜ±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü       ±±±±±±Ü ±±Ü ±±±ÜÜ±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±Ü
 ±±Ûß±±Û ±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Ûßßßß        ß±±Ûßß ±±Û ±±Û±±Û±±Û ±±Ûßßßß ±±Ûßßßß
 ±±±±±Ûß ±±Û ±±Û ßß±±Û ±±±±±Ü          ±±Û   ±±Û ±±Û ßß±±Û ±±±±±Ü  ±±±±±±Ü
 ±±Ûß±±Ü ±±Û ±±Û   ±±Û ±±Ûßßß          ±±Û   ±±Û ±±Û   ±±Û ±±Ûßßß   ßßß±±Û
 ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û ±±Û   ±±Û ±±±±±±Ü         ±±Û   ±±Û ±±Û   ±±Û ±±±±±±Ü ±±±±±±Û
  ßß  ßß  ßß  ßß    ßß  ßßßßßß          ßß    ßß  ßß    ßß  ßßßßßß  ßßßßßß
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
APR         RELAYNET INTERNATIONAL MESSAGE EXCHANGE NEWSLETTER         1990
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

+---------------------------------+     debate!  I think we are just lucky
|          EDITORS FILE           |     it was 'rounded' out with talk of
|                                 |     Howard's birthday and a lively
+---------------------------------+     discussion of Oyster eating!
by John Dodson,     Node ->CANTINA.     
                                        If you are a regular RelayNet user
Welcome to the fourth issue of The      and have not listed yourself in the
RIME Times.  I wish to once again       RIME Directory... do it!  If you
to thank those contributors for         need the form to fill out, send a
submitting some fine articles.          message to Cindy Bartorillo, routed
(Hopefully, if I keep saying this,      to node id -> (hang on a sec... let
the articles will keep coming in!)      me look up that id in the directory
If you enjoy the articles, please       ... aha there it is.. hm her hus-
take a few seconds to send the au-      band Drew is the sysop and they
thor a compliment!                      live in Frederick, MD... and ...oh
                                        yeah) BAUDLINE!
Many of you have made suggestions       
on how to improve the newsletter...     What is missing from the newslet-
which is great!  We have acted on a     ter?  You will notice some regular
couple of suggestions and we are        features missing from this issue.
considering others.  The newsletter     Features like 'Who's Who in RIME',
file name has been changed (as you      'Conference Spotlight' and Software
know) from NEWSmmyy to RIMEmmyy.        Reviews among others.  At one time,
We have unjustified the right mar-      we were going try and include a GIF
gin and hyphenated the newsletter       of a member with every newsletter.
to reduce gaps in the double column     I keep using the word 'We' when
format. Hopefully this will make        actually the editorial staff
the newsletter a little easier to       consists of only me!  We (I) need
read.  Look for more changes next       help in creating, collecting,
time.  Please keep those cards and      chasing and begging for articles.
letters and suggestions coming!  Be     We need trained eyes to scan con-
forewarned that I will hard sell        ferences for newsworthy items.  We
the most vociferous critiques into      need interviewers as well as
being co-editors! ;-)                   interviewees!  The newsletter is a
                                        great way for you to become
It was an interesting month on the      involved in RelayNet.  There are
net.  We had sysops and net admin-      many 'jobs' big and small that need
istrators 'venting' their frustra-      doing and our 'entire' editorial
tion in COMMON, we had the great        staff will welcome you with open
debate on what percentage is proper     arms!
for a quote to message ratio, we        
had the controversial Missing Chil-     Enough of this talk 'about' the
dren's conference introduced and        newsletter.  Let's get on 'with'
the controversial "is ANSI music        the newsletter.  I hope you enjoy
really part of the ANSI standard"       it and we'll see you on the net!


                                Page 2
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                                        drive space, moved it from an XT to
+---------------------------------+     an AT....no wonder it crashed.....
|       FOCUS: A RIME BBS         |     ;-)   After a year of school at
|                                 |     ASU, I left to open my own business
+---------------------------------+     in San Diego and took the HST with
by Jeff Woods, Conference Host of       me (thankfully, I left the Perstor
Telix, Communications & Entertain-      behind).   Our business computer
ment. Super Regional HUBKC  Node        ran the BBS under Desqview.
MUSICAL ->                              That's when I began to moved resi-
                                        dences every three or four months
How did I ever get mixed up in a        (why not?) and since the business
crazy, mixed-up, fun bunch of folks     was a mobile disk jockey service,
like those on RIME?   I ask that of     it was re-christened "The Musical
myself every day, and then answer:      Chair".
"Who cares?   It's worth it!"           
                                        I lost InterLink in the process of
But the real answer is a bit more       moving to California, and joined
complex.   I started calling BBS's      the then -RelayNet - and haven't
back in 1983 on a Hayes 300 baud        looked back.   From node to Hub to
SmartModem, calling Greene Machines     Super Regional and host of four
in Peoria, Illinois.   I liked it       conferences, plus Tech Support for
so much, I wrote my own BBS soft-       one of the big three comm programs,
ware on my TSR-80 Model 4, and ran      and a board that has more than a
it off of four floppy drives part       50% out of town caller ratio. Heck,
time on my dorm phone.                  if I can do that, anyone can. ;-)
                                        
When I transferred to Arizona State     So who is the guy behind it all?
University in 1986, I decided it        I'm 24 years old as of March 25th,
was time to progress.   ASU ran a       and I am currently working on a
board for their Computing Services      program to handle fantasy sports
department, but the programmer in       leagues stats in my spare time.  I
charge of running it never read or      work for Home Office Reference Lab-
answered the mail, never did file       oratories in Lenexa, KS in the com-
updates, never did anything.   It's     puter department.   We do the blood
the only board I know of that never     and urine tests for about 80% of
crashed when the sysop left the of-     the insurance policies that require
fice for the weekend.   There was a     tests.
funny thread there (although who        
knew then that it was called a          +---------------------------------+
thread?) about believing in the         |        CONFERENCE NEWS          |
sysop, since we never saw him, and      |                                 |
that it was blasphemy not to be-        +---------------------------------+
lieve in the sysop.   So, I applied     Posted by Skip Ross, Conference Co-
to the guy to run the BBS for him.      ordinator, Node  ->ACC
That's when it started crashing....     
                                        CoCo Conference (netnode #169) is
Well, we had PCBoard 11.0 at the        being Hosted by Nancy Ward  Node ID
time, and we just kept upgrading        ->KEYBOARD
and making things tough on our-         
selves.   From 2400, I put my own       FireArms Conference (netnode #105)
HST on line there, added InterLink,     is now Hosted by Neil Hoffman  Node
a Perstor controller, more hard         ID ->GATEWAYS


                                Page 3
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                                        DESCRIPTION:  Iomega, manufacturers
Unexplained Phenomena (netnode          of the famous Bernoulli drives, and
#179) is now Hosted by Bart             also a tape backup system, will be
Lidofsky  Node ID ->RUNNINGB            supplying direct manufacturers sup-
                                        port through this conference, for
Current Events/Debate (netnode #3)      all equipment manufactured by them.
is now Hosted by Lee Parsons  Node      Hosted by the Sysop of Iomega's
ID ->CAPECOD                            Support BBS.
                                        HOST:         Jeffrey Williams
EZ-Reader Conference (netnode #98)      Node ID ->IOMEGA
is now Co-Hosted by Dennis McCunney     ACTIVITY:     NEW
Node ID ->RUNNINGB                      
                                        
Musicians Conference (netnode #186)     NAME:         AT-DB
is now Hosted by Ira Lichtenstein       NUMBER:       196
Node ID ->SINGSING                      DESCRIPTION:  Ashton Tate Direct
                                        Support of DATABASE RELATED prod-
And the new conferences are:            ucts including dBase II (CP/M),
                                        dBase II (DOS), dBase III, dBase
NAME:         Video Exchange            III Plus, dBase III Lan, dBase IV,
NUMBER:       192                       dBase IV Lan, dBase IV Developer's
DESCRIPTION:  A conference for          Edition, dBase Mac, RapidFile, and
trading of video programs.              others.
HOST:         Ken Pangborn  Node ID     HOST:         TBD
->FATHER                                ACTIVITY:     NEW (Estimated HIGH+)
ACTIVITY:     NEW                       
                                        NAME:         AT-APPS
NAME:         Missing Children          NUMBER:       198
NUMBER:       193                       DESCRIPTION:  Ashton Tate Direct
DESCRIPTION:  A conference dedi-        Support of NON Database-Related
cated to helping in the search for      Products including MultiMate, Mul-
missing children across the coun-       tiMate Advantage II, Framework III,
try.                                    Chart-Master, Diagram-Master, Draw
HOST:         Gregg Synder Node ID      Applause, Applause II, Map-Master,
->DIAMOND                               Sign-Master, Full Impact (Mac),
ACTIVITY:     NEW                       Full Write Professional (Mac), and
                                        others.
NAME:         IOMEGA                    HOST:         TBD
NUMBER:       194                       ACTIVITY:     NEW (Estimated HIGH+)
                                        
                    +---------------------------------+
                    |        BEGINNERS CORNER         |
                    |                                 |
                    +---------------------------------+
                       by Jim Daly, Node ->TREASURE
                                     
DOWNLOADING FILES from a Bulletin Board System (BBS)

NOTE: These instructions pertain to TELIX, QMODEM and SMARTCOM Users
calling a PCBoard system.  Other COMMunications programs
and BBS systems will have similar protocols.
---------------------------------------------------------------------


                                Page 4
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One of the primary benefits of the nationwide BBS system is access to
a VAST library of PUBLIC DOMAIN & USER SUPPORTED
software...and all for just the price of a phone call!!!

At first, the DOWNLOAD (D/L) process seems complicated and intimidating.
In actual fact, most Communications programs completely automate the entire
process and a D/L can be accomplished with just a few keystrokes.

1.>  The first step in DOWNloading is determining which files or programs
on a particular BBS are of interest to you.  Almost all BBS's will group
their programs in various directories according to category and/or func-
tion...
            for example:  1. DOS UTILITIES
                          2. BUSINESS PROGRAMS
                          3. COMMUNICATIONS
                          4. SPREADSHEET TEMPLATES (123,SCalc-5,etc.)
                          5. FILE MAINTENANCE PROGRAMS
                          6. GAMES
                          7. NEW UPLOADS (Not checked by SYSOP!!)

The PCBoard BBS Main Menu command to look at the available directories is
"F".  This single stroke command generally gives you a listing of all the
available Download directories (usually by #).  When you spot a DIRectory
that may hold files of interest, select that specific number and ALL of
the files in that DIRectory will be listed.

NOTE: If you have logged on to a particular BBS before and remember the di-
rectory number that holds the file(s) you want, just type "F x" (where x=
the directory #) at the Main Menu and you by-pass the listing of all the
directories and immediately see a listing of files in that specific DIRec-
tory.

2.>  When you locate a file that you wish to D/L, type "D" and the BBS will
ask you for the name of the file you wish to D/L.  At this prompt, type in
the name of the file EXACTLY as it appeared on the listing including the
extension - then hit <ENTER>.

The BBS will search ALL of its directories for a file name (and extension)
match.  When the file is found, you will get a listing of information about
file SIZE, number of transfer BLOCKS, and approxi- mate D/L time required.

NOTE:  If you do not have enough time left on the BBS to handle the entire
file, the system will advise you and abort the transfer. (See why you
should UPGRADE !!)  On a "friendly" BBS, you will not be disconnected dur-
ing a D/L if you run out of time during the actual file transfer due to
slowdown in the transfer due to say, line noise.

3.>  As soon as the FILE information is listed,the system checks to see if
you have set a DEFAULT protocol (Zmodem, XModem, etc.) in your USER Config-
uration.  If you have, the system will ask if that is the one you wish to
use for this File transfer and you may accept the protocol or change it at


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this point.  If you have your DEFAULT protocol set to (N)one, you must tell
the system what you want to use.

You will now get a prompt advising you that the BBS is...... "Ready to
Send".....

=======================================================================

4.>  SMARTCOM:   Hit the <F1> function key which will take you to the
     ========    SMARTCOM-MAIN Menu.

     QMODEM: Hit the PgDn key which will bring up the QM protocol Window.
   & TELIX:
     ========

5.>  SMARTCOM: Select 4. RECEIVE FILE.
     ========
     a. Press 1 to select ERROR FREE protocol.

     b. When prompted "ENTER FILE NAME", type the name of the file to be
        received (it doesn't have to be the same as the name that you
        asked the BBS to send to you-in fact, if you just press <ENTER>
        without typing a file name, the system will assign the filename
        "TEMP".
     c. Press <ENTER>.

     QMODEM: a. Select the SAME protocol that you specified in the BBS!!!
   & TELIX :
     ======
             b. Another Window will open and show you the "Default"
                PATH and the filename (example:C:\UPLOAD\PKARC.EXE)

             c. If the PATH is correct, press <ENTER>.

                If you want the new file to go to a different sub-directory
                or if you want to name it something else, change whatever
                part of the line shown as necessary, press <ENTER>
                necessary, then.......

6.>  As the file is being SENT by the BBS and RECEIVED by your system, the
status Box or Line will keep you advised of the FILE transfer process.

7.>  When the D/L has been successfully completed the Status line will show
"RECEIVE COMPLETE xxxxx bytes" and the system will BEEP you.

NOTE:  If there is interference on your phone (called "line noise"), the
Status line will indicate this showing repeated attempts to send
file BLOCKS.  If the attempts exceed 7 in a particular Block, the
transfer will be aborted (usually very evident during electrical
storms).

8.>  SMARTCOM:  Press <F1> and you will be returned to the BBS Menu.


                                Page 6
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     ========

     QMODEM:   Press <ENTER>
   & TELIX
     ======

            A D D I T I O N A L    H I N T S  &  H E L P S
            ==============================================
1.>  Where is the file I just Downloaded?

QMODEM and TELIX Users will set the sub-DIRectory to receive new
files when the program is Configured (\DOWNLOAD or \DL is easy to
remember).

HAYES-SMARTCOM Users will find the file in the Directory where your
Communication program resides (probably C:\HAYES if you are running
SMARTCOM II).

2.>  How do I DOWNload to another DIRectory if I am using SMARTCOM?
At the SMARTCOM Main Menu, select "3. Select File Command" and then  "S"
for "Set Path".  Backspace over the default directory name and type in
the name of the directory to which you want the D/L's to go.

               for example; C:\DL

REMEMBER!!! When you re-boot your system, the D/L path will be set at
            the default directory.!!!

NOTE: I prefer to use my C:\DL sub-directory.  By doing so, I can then
manipulate the new file anyway I want to without having to worry
about damaging any of your Communication program files.  Also, it
is easier to un-ZIP files if you only have 1 or 2 to select from.

3.>  I want my DOWNloads to go to a floppy drive..

     Follow the same procedures as above, except set the path to A:\

   REMEMBER!!!  You must have a FORMATted disk in the A: drive and that
                the total Download cannot exceed the capacity of the
                diskette.  (360K or 1.2MB on 5.25" and 720K or 1.4MB
                on the 3.50") Don't forget that if you already have files
                on the floppy, your available D/L space will be reduced.
                ( Run CHKDSK on A: to determine available space.)

4.>  I know that I saw a file last week on the BBS that I can't find now.
     Where is it?

   SYSOPS periodically review the D/L activity on files and may delete the
   name from the DIRectory if there has been little or no interest.  Or,
   there may have been an upgrade and the filename has been changed.

   Leave a message for the SYSOP and he'll advise you how to find the file.


                                Page 7
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   Maybe it has been deleted and he can put it back on the system for your
   one-time Download.

                         !! ENJOY - ASK QUESTIONS !!

                                     
                    +---------------------------------+
                    |          'C' TUTOR              |
                    |                                 |
                    +---------------------------------+
                     by Doug Maclean, node ->RUNNINGB

One of the most useful routines to have in your 'C' bag of tricks is one to
copy files.  Here is a simple routine that will be improved next month.
The parameters are simple copyfile(char *source, char *destination, int
overwrite, int touch) where source is the name of the file to copy destina-
tion is the name of the destination file overwrite is a flag to determine
if the destination file should be overwritten if it exists (0 = no, 1 =
yes) and touch is a flag that if it is one the time and date stamp will be
copied from the source file.

#include <stdlib.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <fcntl.h>
#include <io.h>
#include <types.h>
#include <stat.h>
#include <errno.h>
#include <dos.h>
#include <memory.h>
#define BUFSIZE 20480
int    copyfile(char *, char *,int,int);
copyfile(srcfile,destfile,overwrite,touch)
char    *srcfile,*destfile;
int     overwrite,touch;        /* flags */
    int src,dest;
    char    *buffer;
    int n;
    union   REGS    r;
    buffer = malloc(BUFSIZE);
    src = open(srcfile,O_RDONLY | O_BINARY);
    if((dest = open(destfile,O_CREAT | O_EXCL, S_IREAD
                                     | S_IWRITE )) == -1)
    /*if((dest = creat(destfile,S_IWRITE)) == -1)*/
    {
        if(overwrite && (errno == EEXIST))
            dest = open(destfile, O_TRUNC | O_WRONLY | O_BINARY,S_IREAD
                                          | S_IWRITE);
        else
            return(errno);
    }
    else


                                Page 8
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    {
        close(dest);
        dest = open(destfile, O_WRONLY | O_BINARY,S_IREAD | S_IWRITE);
    }
    while((n = read(src,buffer,BUFSIZE)) != 0)
        if(write(dest,buffer,n) != n)
        {
            close(src);
            close(dest);
            free(buffer);
            return(1);
        }
    if(touch == 1)
    {
        r.h.ah  = 0x57;
        r.h.al  = 0;
        r.x.bx  = src;
        intdos(&r,&r);
        r.h.ah  = 0x57;
        r.h.al  = 1;
        r.x.bx  = dest;
        int86(0x21,&r,&r);
    }
    close(dest);
    close(src);
    free(buffer);
    return(0);
Next month we will be improving this code to greater speed and add
some more error checking.

+---------------------------------+     are the chances of winning? How
|      PROTECTING YOUR IDEAS      |     much might you have to pay? For a
|         THE COPYRIGHT           |     product requiring so much start-up
+---------------------------------+     expense, it is best to cover all
by J. J. Spinelli, Esq. President,      angles in advance. Get permission
VITRON Management Consulting, Inc.      and avoid risking time, money, or
Steering Committee Member, Host of      reputation due to adverse public-
Legal Conference Node  ->VMC            ity.
                                        
In last month's issue we discussed      On the other hand, say you devel-
the patent as a means of protecting     oped American Incense. The success
your ideas. In this issue, we'll        of gimmick items often depends on
examine the copyright.                  the novelty of their instructions.
                                        Should you try to copyright the di-
Suppose you wanted to use the song,     rections? How effective is the pro-
"The Great Pretender," in develop-      tection?
ing and marketing The Great Pet         
Tender. Do you need permission from     As with patents, a lawsuit is nec-
the Platters or whoever currently       essary to enforce your rights
owns the copyright? Can you use a       against an infringer. Unlike
modified version without getting        patents, copyrights are quick and
permission? Can you be sued? What       inexpensive to obtain. Copyrighting


                                Page 9
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APR         RELAYNET INTERNATIONAL MESSAGE EXCHANGE NEWSLETTER         1990
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something will discourage copying,      would prevent others from copying
so it is worth the minimal effort       the DESCRIPTION, but nothing can
it takes. It can be easily done         keep them from describing the same
without an attorney. No search is       idea in their own words. Nor would
necessary to determine whether the      it prevent them from making, using,
work is similar to existing copy-       or selling the machine itself. Only
righted material.                       a patent would accomplish that.
                                        
Not everything can be copyrighted.      Every work is automatically copy-
The law protects "original works of     righted when it is created, or put
authorship" fixed in tangible form.     into fixed form. However, to pre-
Those especially relevant for new       serve the right, all published
product development include:            copies must carry in an obvious
                                        place all of the following elements
        - Labels                        of a copyright notice:
        - Instruction manuals           
        - Photographs                   - A copyright symbol "(C)" [the "C"
        - Computer software             in a circle], the word "Copyright,"
        - Books                         or the abbreviation "Copr."
        - Graphic designs               - The year of first publication
        - Written promotional           - The author's name or a recogniz-
           material                     able abbreviation
        - Sound recordings              
        - Product summaries             For example, the following would
        - Presentations                 constitute a valid copyright notice
        - Market analyses               issued by VITRON Management Con-
                                        sulting, Inc.:(C) Copyright 1990,
Names, familiar symbols, slogans,       VITRON Management Consulting, Inc.
short phrases, methods, systems,        
and some other types of subject         The use of the "C" in a circle and
matter cannot be copyrighted. Stan-     the word "Copyright" are, of
dard items such as calendars and        course, redundant, but has, over
rules with no original authorship       the years, become the convention.
are not copyrightable.                  The year, 1990, represents the
                                        "first year of publication."
A copyright grants its owner the        "VITRON Management Consulting,
exclusive right to reproduce, re-       Inc.," represents the "author's
vise, distribute, display, or sell      name."
the material. Ideas are not pro-        
tected. Only the precise way in         IF A WORK IS "PUBLISHED" WITHOUT
which an idea is expressed can be       ANY OF THESE ELEMENTS, THE
copyrighted. Mere ownership of,         COPYRIGHT PROTECTION IS USUALLY
say, an original painting does not      LOST FOREVER. The concept of publi-
give one the right to copy it to        cation does not require any formal
make greeting cards for sale. The       typesetting and printing. Rather,
owner of the painting can sell it,      it has to do with dissemination of
but cannot reproduce the images in      the work to other people. It is
it without the copyright owner's        best to use the copyright notice
permission.                             from the outset so there will never
                                        be a question of whether a work was
Likewise, a written description of      published without it.
a machine can be copyrighted. This      


                                Page 10
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[Author's note: I have seen over        though registration is normally not
the years many shareware programs       required for valid protection, it
that fail to contain the copyright      does give notice of the claim and
notice. As such, the programs are,      confers advantages in the pursuit
for the most part, in public do-        of infringement suits.
main, i.e., the protection offered      
by the copyright is lost forever.       In general, for works created after
This means that any other person        January 1, 1978, when a new law
who happens to get a hold of the        went into effect, the copyright
software can put his/her name on        lasts for the life of the author,
it, and even copyright it without       plus fifty years. The duration of
any concern for the original devel-     protection for other works depends
oper. When this happens, the copy-      on the date of their original copy-
right owner now becomes the person      right. These matters are explained
or entity who has the exclusive         in GENERAL INFORMATION CONCERNING
right to reproduce, revise, dis-        COPYRIGHTS, COPYRIGHT BASICS, and
tribute, display, and sell the ma-      DURATION OF COPYRIGHT, all avail-
terial. If you develop software and     able from the Copyright Office, Li-
release it into the BBS community       brary of Congress, Washington, D.C.
and want to maintain your ownership     20559.
over it, PUT A VALID COPYRIGHT NO-      
TICE ON IT. However, remember that      There is no international copyright
you CANNOT enforce your copyright       protection, but the United States
claims UNTIL and UNLESS you have        is a member of the Universal Copy-
obtained a registered copyright         right Convention, which provides
from the Register of Copyrights --      protection to nationals of member
the Copyright Office. If you do not     countries if certain formalities
register your copyrights, don't         are met. For details about foreign
even bother to pursue legal claims      protection, write the Copyright Of-
against infringers because the          fice and ask for CIRCULAR 38a.
courts will disallow the claims         
from the outset, i.e., you will be      Unlike a patent, a registered copy-
unable to provide the courts with       right is quick and easy to obtain.
PROOF of copyright ownership. Of        A registered copyright notice will
course, that does not mean that you     discourage others from copying.
might not be counter-sued for in-       Since it costs so little in time
fringement yourself. KEEP GOOD,         and money, it is wise to preserve
CLEAR, CONCISE, DATED RECORDS! Mail     your original works with a copy-
those records to yourself via REG-      right whenever possible.
ISTERED MAIL to validate their          
dates and keep the envelope sealed.     Next month we'll look at trademarks
(The post office will not deliver -     and service marks as means to pro-
- or even handle -- as registered       tect your original ideas.
packages that are not properly          
sealed.]                                
                                        
For a nominal fee, you can register     
the copyright with the Register of      
Copyrights. Different types of          
"writing" are treated somewhat dif-     
ferently and require the use of         
different application forms. Al-        


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+---------------------------------+     ground, only some hairy thing scal-
|   NEW YORK IN A DAY OR HOW TO   |     ing the building at about the 93rd
|         WALK WITH A LIMP        |     floor.   But that just turned out
|      WITHOUT REALLY TRYING      |     to be Ed Koch.
+---------------------------------+     
by Jeff Woods, Node ->MUSICAL           This is where the limp kicked in,
                                        so we took a cab to Central Park.
Colin Sampaleanu and I ventured         New York Cabbies are required to
into New York City after Howard's       attend the New York School of Of-
party this past month.   Neither of     fensive Driving.   This guy would
us had ever been, and I wonder if       have run down his own mother to
we'll ever go back.   I can't take      beat another car to a lane (and he
that much fun.    First we parked       did).   But seeing as how neither
the car, and I was reminded of the      spoke English, no one was able to
movie "Ferris Buehler's Day Off".       call the cops.    I was amazed at
                                        the size of Central Park.   I was
"Trust me, I'm a professional...."      amazed that Donald Trump hasn't
"Professional what?"                    bought it and named it Trump Park.
                                        It is a beautiful park, and the
But, for $7.38 an hour, we figured      residents there are pretty nice, as
that at more than the value of the      long as you don't let the change in
car, who cared?   We then discov-       your pocket jingle. Never carry
ered that parking was a mistake.        more than one coin in New York.....
Manhattan is a BIG place, folks.        You'll be accosted to buy a cup of
By the end of the day, I was physi-     coffee for the entire city.
cally limping from all the walking.     
I was wondering when some mugger        In contrast, our next stop was a
would figure I had a wad of dough       bit different.   After taking pic-
in my shoe and corner me on the         tures at Radio City Music Hall
subway, but we got smart and            (which has no radios, I found out -
avoided the bad neighborhoods;  we      kind of stupid if you ask me), we
spent the day trying to escape from     ended up in Times Square, which
Harlem.                                 isn't really a square at all.
                                        Somebody must have been REALLY
Escape did cross my mind later.         stoned when naming these places.
While trying to find the Empire         From Times Square, we hopped the
State Building (no easy feat, be-       subway to the World Trade Center.
lieve it or not - it likes to hide      I was confused.... I thought we
behind the others), we ended up in      were going into this building that
the middle of 120,000 Jewish people     said "Subway" for lunch, but there
in front of the UN protesting for       were no sandwiches there.   Oh,
direct flights from Moscow to Is-       well, it was too dirty in there to
rael.  I was protesting for direct      eat anyway.    The subway was even
flights from New York to Israel.        more of an experience than the cab.
(Just kidding.)   Well, we finally      A gentleman sat next to me after
found the Empire State, and went up     the first stop, and seemed com-
for a look around.   Did you know       pletely normal.   He kind of looked
that New Yorkers have their heads       like Popeye's father.   Then, all
in the clouds?   Literally?   At        of a sudden, he starts spouting off
least at the Sears Tower, I got my      something that sounds like the Rus-
money's worth, and a whole lot          sian National Anthem, which is
more.   We couldn't even see the        weird because the Russian subway


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system is clean and free of             in the life cycle of coral. What
weirdos.   Colin and I were trying      started as an innocent vacation
very hard not to bust up, lest we       pastime progressed rapidly into an
get busted up, but we did laugh         obsession with what Millard called
ourselves silly after we got off,       "the sheer binary capacity" of all
to find that the World Trade Center     those individual coral polyps. Evi-
has defined zero visibility as be-      dently some corals are composed of
ing able to see only three miles.       polyps each of which has eight ten-
I must point out that the WTC is        tacles.  During the last phone call
self-named, and Colin couldn't even     I had from him he explained how he
find a single person willing to         had become convinced that each
trade a Canadian five for an Ameri-     polyp could "express" one byte of
can dollar.  World Trade Center in-     information, and that the con-
deed.......                             stantly changing and fantastically
                                        intricate patterns produced by the
But the view was better than from       whole coral as each polyp emerged
the Empire State.... We could even      from its shell and then retreated
see the ground, and even the Statue     back inside was actually a language
of Liberty, which from the Trade        of subtle complexity. "The only
Center looks much like a Barbie         living computers on the planet," he
doll in monochrome.   Our last stop     said. After that rather agitated
was going to be the Statue, but we      early morning call about a month
missed the last boat.... Seems so       ago, I heard nothing until last
has New York. How anyone could ac-      week when Miriam called to tell me
tually pay $1000 a month for a          that he had suffered a breakdown
small studio apartment to put up        while scuba diving in a large coral
with everything we saw....I'll          reef. He has been admitted to a
never know.   It's worth much more      private psychiatric hospital for
than that.   I enjoyed every single     observation.  Yesterday I received
minute of it, and can't wait to get     a letter from him that was written
back.    In truth, we never did get     just before he was committed, but I
into Harlem, but that's ok, the         hesitate to publish its contents to
Globetrotters are coming here next      the world because of its rather
month anyway, and I'll once again       bizarre nature. Miriam is deeply
be able to get a taste of New York.     concerned about Millard and has
And I won't have to limp to do it,      rented a grass shack on Ohahu, she
either.                                 tries to keep her mind from
                                        dwelling on these recent events by
+---------------------------------+     practicing Don Ho songs with her
|       THE MISADVENTURES OF      |     ukelele, but I'm afraid the strain
|   DRS. FUDNUT AND WILLSTIPPLE   |     on her has been tremendous. "It all
|            PART III             |     started with that goshdarn TELIX,"
+---------------------------------+     she confided last week. I could
By Peter Longo, Node ->IDEALS           tell from such unusually strong
                                        language that Miriam was close to
(As told to the RIME Times by Dr.       the edge herself. "Somehow the
Fudnuts medical student intern.)        fiends who programmed that evil
                                        software have infected poor Mil-
Dr. Fudnut has suffered a nervous       lard! And we were so cautious, our
breakdown while vacationing in          labs were rated at P4 containment
Hawaii With Willstipple. It seems       against the possibility that some
that poor Millard became interested     cunning virus lurked on the distri-


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bution disks. Possibly the pages of     was just before they left for vaca-
the manual had been treated with a      tion, but he did hint that she had
slow acting contact poison, I just      made a breakthrough when she dis-
don't know..."  Miriam also ex-         covered that the cream not only
pressed her regret that their book,     worked as a symptom suppressor when
SOFTWARE DEATHTRAPS: HOW SHAREWARE      applied to the victim's skin, but
IS KILLING AMERICA'S CHILDREN,          actually had prophylactic proper-
would not see the printing press        ties when applied directly to the
for a long time. "It's a shame,"        surface of the computer diskette
she said, "America needs to know        infected with PKZIP. Since that
the horrible truth, but now, with       time, a new, and I suspect much
Millard not feeling well, I don't       more virulent and resistant strain
think we'll be able to finish the       of PKZIP has appeared, so it's a
book before the next upgrade of         shame Miriam's research has been
TELIX comes out."                       further delayed by Millard's break-
                                        down.
Well, anyway, I wanted to update        
you about the doctors. As I say,        I'll send Miriam everyone's best
I'll have to check with Miriam          wishes, when I speak to her.
about publishing Millard's letter.      
I don't know if Bill has heard any-     +---------------------------------+
thing, Miriam was pretty upset when     |           KIPS TIPS             |
we talked on the phone, and really      |                                 |
just wanted to get back to the          +---------------------------------+
ukelele solo in "Tiny Bubbles," so      PCRelay Hints from the Author Kip
I don't know if she has talked with     Compton, node ->CONNECT
him as well.                            
                                        If you have lost some of your ex-
(Several days later our medical         ported mail- run config.exe, place
student had this update.)               the bar by conference maintaince
                                        and keep pressing the Enter key un-
I tried to get in touch with Miriam     til you arrive at the screen that
yesterday, but she was at the hos-      says "Last Message Exported ----".
pital visiting Millard. By the way,     Enter the message number of the
Millard is staying at a small pri-      message you would like export to
vately owned psychiatric rest home,     start from, press ESC and when
and anyone who wishes to send him a     asked save your changes.
get-well card should mail it to:        
                                        But be careful - you may send du-
Dr. Millard Fudnut                      plicates if you move your message
Might-T-Fine Mental Mercy Seat          number back too far!!!
101 Kokomoko Drive                      
Honolulu, Hawaii                        +---------------------------------+
                                        |           NOTES FROM            |
I left a message on her answering       |             ADMIN               |
machine, and I expect to hear from      +---------------------------------+
her soon. As for the infamous           Netnode gets upgraded hardware:
"PKZIT," Millard mentioned that         386-25 dedicated file server
Miriam had been working on a topi-      3 - 386sx nodes
cally applied cream that would re-      Ethernet 16 bit LAN cards for the
lieve the symptoms produced by the      Lantastic OS.
program. He didn't say much, this


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HUB Sysop reaction for the most         Stay tuned to see if Bonnie will
part has been "WOW".                    return from her vacation in time to
                                        salvage the network from the grasp
+---------------------------------+     of Scott, or will SmartNet acquire
|    AS SEEN ON THE BIT STREAM    |     300 Nodes overnight? Can we survive
|                                 |     another day without 35 messages
+---------------------------------+     from Rick Fry and Patrick Lee?  Can
TAGLINE OF THE MONTH:                   we survive another day without the
"What happens when Kip Compton dis-     daily dose of Fry's wit and Lee's
covers girls?"                          knowledge?  Only time will tell. :)
(As seen on a post from Jeff Woods.     
Submitted by several RIME users)        +---------------------------------+
                                        |            NOTICES              |
BORING THREAD OF THE MONTH:             |                                 |
"Kid Dying"                             +---------------------------------+
(Which seems to find it's way into      The RIME Times is published monthly
COMMON about every two months)          by the membership of RelayNet In-
                                        ternational Message Exchange as its
THE THREAD THAT LOST CONTROL:           official newsletter.  Users and
"Search for Red October"                Sysops are encouraged to con-
(About the film "Hunt for Red           tribute.  Submissions and questions
October")                               may be directed to the editor John
                                        Dodson, node ->CANTINA.
MALFUNCTION OF THE MONTH:               
ProComm's (probably the most widely     (c)Copyright 1990, The RelayNet
used communications program) ten-       International Message Exchange.
dency to lock up when it encounters     Permission is hereby granted for
"ANSI" music control codes.  Pro-       unlimited distribution and
Comm users reading the ANSI             duplication,  provided such
conference must re-boot their           distribution and duplication are
machines after encountering the         strictly for non-commercial
music codes.                            purposes only.  All other rights
                                        reserved.  RelayNet and RIME are
ANONYMOUS CAPTURE OF THE MONTH:         registered trademarks.
(Found shortly after Bonnie A. left     
on vacation)

Welcome to the world of the Re-
layNet where things are not as they
seem. A world where telecommunica-
tions take place.  In this world,
strange things happen.  Configura-
tion files mysteriously disappear,
messages replicate at will and mu-
sic that would wake the dead is
used to raise the living.  In this
world users try to fight off the
evil BBS monster that keeps lurking
through every system.  Will we
survive or will the BBS monster win
out in the end.

