
[ 80 COLUMNS; LOWERCASE ]



                       [>--------------------------------<]
                       [>                                <]
                       [>       Malformed Genitals       <]
                       [>                                <]
                       [>    Written by The Ramsacker    <]
                       [>                                <]
                       [>  A Pieces of Eight Production  <]
                       [>                                <]
                       [>--------------------------------<]




     In lieu of the many "loser" files that have been put out throughout the
years,  I thought I would voice my own opinion on people I refer to as
"Malformed Genitals":  that all too common breed of loser who thinks he's
God's gift to the computer world.  These are people who either are or have
malformed genitals,  and more often than not,  both.

     What constitutes a Malformed Genital?  There are many characteristics,
the most prominent being an outright display of disgusting stupidity.  By no
means does this apply to the ignorance of new users to the modem world;
everybody has to start somewhere.  I'm talking about losers who persist to
believe that they are an awesomely elite individual with nobody superior to
them and who go about trying to make it clear to other people who couldn't
give a constipated diarrhea.  Losers who cannot crack, hack, phreak, or
perform any other note-worthy task.  Losers who know little more than a few
elementary BASIC commands (like "PR#6" and "BRUN CHOPLIFTER").  Losers who
don't belong in the modem world yet by some unfortunate circumstance obtained
a modem and had enough brain capacity to call a bulletin board and follow the
prompts through until they opened an account on a system.  This set the seed
for them to gain access to more and more systems until they considered
themselves "elite".  What encourages these losers are all the contemptible
"GBBS" boards (almost always run by Malformed Genitals) that don't require
any feedback to gain access to,  let alone any mental ability.  Anyone who
can operate a term program gets access the first call,  and are usually
validated by the next call because the "sysop" desperately needs new losers
on his awesome system.

     Among the many fruitful activities you'll find Malformed Genitals
engaged in are bragging, ragging, leeching, and wasting disk space with their
pathetically unintelligible messages.  They rag on other users who are new to
modeming,  even though they made even more stupid mistakes when they first
started modeming.  They think they are being impressive by posting messages
about their belligerent treatment of 7-11 employees ("I threw a comic book at
her which made her spill a slurpee all over a customer! Ha! Ha!",  an actual
example),  and their high tales of phreaking using numbers they found on a
local Commodore board.  They think they will gain respect by ragging all over
a guy who doesn't set his terminal characteristics to 80-columns,  even
though he may be using a 40-column computer.  Unfortunately,  they are free
to act retarded because the sysop lacks the initiative to delete them,  for
he feels that everybody has a right to voice their opinion,  even when he is
ragged on by the loser.

     On the opposite end,  there are Malformed Genitals who,  by virtue of
having a modem, a phone line, and a copy of GBBS,  attain the status of
"sysop".  These are among the worst of the deformed dicks because they
rapidly deteriorate the spirit of the true modem world.  Their only reason
for putting up a BBS in the first place was to attain as many wares as their
insatiable pussies could hold.  The power they feel as a sysop goes to their
head and all of a sudden they feel as though they are at the same level as
world leaders.  They will sometimes rag on users,  but when a user rags on
another they will be quick to enforce their "no ragging" policy.  They feel
threatened by intelligent users and will find a reason to rid their board of
them so that the only people they have on their system are a select group of
dejected losers.  They will only keep the ass-kissers,  the ones they can have complete control over.

     As the number of respectable boards and pirates gradually diminishes,
more and more rejectable losers and GBBS cesspools sprout up in their place.
It's no reason why there are no more good cracks coming out and no good
boards to distribute them.  Groups are being formed whose members consist of
one person who can crack and about 15 others who claim to be "distributors".
As the losers eventually take over,  they will slowly destroy themselves and
finally bring to an end a legacy turned flawed.  This can be avoided,  but it
will take the efforts of the few remaining respectable individuals in the
modem world as well as their cooperation with each other.

     Now,  as these files usually go,  I will discuss more aspects of
Malformed Genitals.  The following was written using a special technique
called "Word Processing".  That's where you boot up a word processor and
type.


                               /// Onwards!!! ///



                     !\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/!
                     !                                    !
                     !         Malformed Genitals         !
                     !                                    !
                     !/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\!



[ General ]

     Malformed Genitals can't spell worth shit. Here is an example of a
Malformed Genital's grammar:

=============================================================================
Actual segment taken from a textfile entitled "Krack-marks"
Written by The Box
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lets get started once that ware is on normal DOS not necessarily 3.3 just
something you can edit with normal default of your sector editor. Next you
should figure out weather it is normal 3.3 or modified DOS that usely takes a
good ten seconds if that long. Read sector 0 track 0 look at starting at 801
does it end somewhere like this 6C FD 08 then maybe you should look at
8FD.8FE TO SEE where it JMP's to if it is 8FD:0 B6 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
THEN IT IS JMP'ING to B700 and is no prob. to put krack-marks! Just put a JSR
in place of the JSR B793 to a JSR to where ever you want to put to like B6B6
that is what i use sometimes.

=============================================================================

     That's not only the mark of Malformed Genital,  but also of a rodent,  a
loser,  and a person who should have never been given a computer to start
with.  He is also a perfect example of the intelligence level possessed by
Malformed Genitals.  I can just imagine how he came up with such a clever
handle:  one day while pondering what to call himself he must have seen an
old cardboard box sitting in a trashcan and thought, "Duh!  Golly geeeeee!
Dat would be a way rad handle!!".  Surprisingly,  he didn't think of using
"The Trashcan",  but then again,  it's too big of a word for his vocabulary.

     Malformed Genitals think they are rad because they know a lot about
     cars.

     Malformed Genitals try to be rad by pretending they know a lot about
     cars.

     Malformed Genitals pretend a lot.

     Malformed Genitals have rad computer systems that their parents bought
     for them.

     Malformed Genitals have a liking for:  Oliver North, Geraldo Rivera,
     Morton Downey Jr., Tiffany, Prince, and any Jewish leader.

     Malformed Genitals believe in God.


[ Music ]

     Malformed Genitals don't listen to Rock.

     Malformed Genitals listen to faggot Glam groups like Poison and Ratt.

     Malformed Genitals think Rap is the epitome of musical perfection.

     Malformed Genitals refuse to acknowledge that Led Zeppelin was and will
     always be the most awesome collaboration in modern day musical history.


[ Education ]

     Malformed Genitals achieve a grade point average below 1.7.

     Malformed Genitals fail shop classes.

     Malformed Genitals think getting a 'C' on a report card is a spectacular
     feat.

     Malformed Genitals worry about their grades.

     Malformed Genitals think that today's educational system will get them
     somewhere.


[  Computer Hacking ]

     Malformed Genitals don't know that "hacking" originally meant writing a
     cool program and distributing it for free.

     Malformed Genitals forget that "hacking" means "programming a computer
     in a superior fashion" before it means "breaking into computer systems".

     Malformed Genitals don't really know machine language.

     Malformed Genitals try to learn machine language when they don't even
     have a solid knowledge of BASIC or even LOGO for that matter.


[ Cracking ]

     Malformed Genitals need fifteen other pirates to help them crack
     something.

     Malformed Genitals learn all of their techniques and secrets from
     someone else and never come up with an original idea themselves,  but
     are quick to take credit for them.

     Malformed Genitals take credit for cracking something even though they
     used a procedure from Computist or the like.

     Malformed Genitals think putting their name on an unprotected ware
     establishes that they cracked it.


[ Telecommunications ]

     Malformed Genitals have so called "elite" systems that only support 300
     baud.

     Malformed Genitals have disgustingly stupid handles like The Cookie
     Monster, Cecil P. Turtle, The Snotty Nosed Kid, The Boy!, etcetera,
     etcetera.

     Malformed Genitals are over 21 years old, have no job, and are still
     involved in modeming.

     Malformed Genitals will go out of their way to start discussions with
     female users.

     Malformed Genitals put up sparsely modded GBBS systems.

     Malformed Genitals put up GBBS systems because they lack the ability to
     write their own software.


[ In Closing... ]

     Malformed Genitals will read this file and laugh because they are too
     stupid to realize that it's addressed to them.


     =:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:=


     The pendulum is swinging,  but it's going the wrong way.  Hopefully,  it
won't get stuck in the "Malformed Genitals Dominate" position and swing
back to the respectable days of old when Malformed Genitals didn't exist.  It
all depends on you,  the reader (unless of course you are a Malformed Genital
in which case I would advise you to seriously consider committing suicide).



                                   Dedications:
                                  --------------

     From my experience in the modem world and what I have seen go on,  I
have concluded that all the following people deserve recognition as being the
"Hall-of-Famers" in the field of Malformed Genetilia (in no particular order
as they are all losers alike).  Some you may have heard of and others may be
unknown to you,  but they all exist (unfortunately).


                            Legendary Malformed Genitals

     The Dark Cavalier, Valsidur Elvenking, The Skeleton, Cecil P. Turtle,
The Dark Knight, The Spectre, The Cookie Monster, The Crasher, The Shadow
Master, most of Coast to Coast, The Serial Kracker, Maxia Fariina, Johnny
Appleseed, all of The Bunnymen, Le Yar, The Punisher, The Outland, The Boy!,
The Box, The Snotty Nosed Kid, most of USAlliance, and Sir Sultan.

     You may not agree with my opinion,  but what do you know?  You may even
be one of the losers mentioned.  And if you challenge my views then you may
as well be on the list yourself.  At any rate,  my opinions are just
that...opinions,  so don't take them personally.  It is just my view that the
people I mentioned have done something in some way that made me disgusted
with them.

     This letter is especially dedicated to Eric Rasal (aka The Serial
Kracker) who is,  you guessed it,  a Malformed Genital.  Just imagine a dick
tied in a knot and you will have an idea of what this guy is like.

                    [> Eric Rasal.........(818) 988-7952 <]


    I'd like to say one more thing.  This is addressed to the president of:


                        The Society of Dedicated Losers

                                  - The Edge -
                                 (aka Byte Boy)
                             (also Cecil P. Turtle)

     You have proven yourself to be among the greatest losers of our time.  A
14 year old,  fat-assed rodent with a modem who leeches everything he can get
his grimy,  fat hands on,  and who has to change his handle every so often so
that the people he screws over won't know who he really is.  All losers hail
you!  Be proud on this day.


                        Make his day...give him a call:

                    [> Manoj S. Khiani....(818) 368-4191 <]



 \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

      We  at  Pieces of Eight Kracking  welcome  any  retorts,  retaliations,
 rebukes, or responses you may have.  If you do, please contact The Ramsacker
 and he  will have it taken  care of.  If you  rag on us  or any  one  of our
 affiliates well after we  have retired from the computer  world then you are
 just showing that you are a Malformed Genital so don't even bother.

 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\



                     /------------------------------------\
                     !                                    !
                     !   This presentation of Malformed   !
                     !   Genitals was brought to you by   !
                     !   Pieces of Eight Kracking. Look   !
                     !   for more quality PO8K textfile   !
                     !   entertainment on a BBS in your   !
                     !   area. This file: Copyright (C)   !
                     !   1988 by The Ramsacker and PO8K   !
                     !                                    !
                     \--------- August 10th 1988 ---------/




                                                        The Ramsacker
                                                        August 10, 1988
                                                        9:09 PM



P.S.  The word for the day is "legs".  Spread the word.


