[Never finished, was posted early by an overzelus follower]
 
The following text is the work of very insane people that
decided to be very annoying to some people in a nice and
large computer cluster.  Please ignore all attempts by the
people in the cluster who wish to beat the authors of this
here text and all bloodstains that may be spotted on any
printed documents of this text --that is if you can find it
after the people who are not amused about the authors writing
this do.
 
 Sit back, and enjoy.
 
    TTTTT his is the story of Spam.  The authors of this
      T   program wish to make it perfectly clear that this
      T   file is meant to be absolutely harmless to most and
      T   specific individuals.  However, this file in its
      T   previous forms has been known to cause serious side
          effects to the people who happened to pick up this
          document that was lying on some coffee table in the
          middle of nowhere.  All of the side effects are not
          known at this point as half of the population that
          actually experienced these side effects would not
          possibly dream to actually admit to these side
          effects.  Some of the side effects that actually
          been reported are as follows:
 
 ~ Serious Addictions and cravings to demented sodas such as
 Mello Yello and Moxie.  We, of the Church of Spam, can
 completely understand this cravings but we cannot be
 responsible for any illegal trades for these substances such
 as siblings and Kmarts.
 
 ~ Answering the phone "Yellow?"
 
 ~ Prasing other lifeforms and the start of a major movements
 that are meant for the preservation of rare and endangered
 life forms such as cows.
 
 ~ Going on demented rampages throughout the neighborhood
 paintballing cats.
 
 ~ We are not going to mention any more side effects, as we
 actually WANT YOU TO READ THIS AND SUFFER THE
 CONSEQUENCES!!!!
 
 [...we apologize for our last typer as he had drunk too much
 mello yello before he got this.  He has been severely
 flogged and dragged out and pseudo-shot.  Again, we
 apologize for the interruption...]
 
 HAIL Gavin!
 
 Gavin "S.F.A." Healy, the previous Head Pope of Spam, has
 been promoted to god-status within the parameters of the
 known universe and now walks the earth with his never-ending
 curls of hair that still give him the Nat-X look that he is
 and always will be famous for.  He is known for the tan
 and brown sweater that he always has donned ever since the
 beginning of time when all there was was Gavin, Arjaii, and
 Spam.
 
    Arjaii, also known as Raphael Dareau and other various
names that he is called by his girlfriend and his anti-
girlfriend.  He can be easily identified by his tall and
normal heights and always carries a mysterious blue backpack
that he calls "Ton O' Fun".  No one really knows what he
carries in there except for the "Avant Cow" hat and another
hat that no one has ever seen him wear yet.  He has also been
known to paintball cats within his local neighborhood and
cause some anti-peaceful activities.  Other than the unknown,
Arjaii carries copies of his programs that he is proud to
call his own (although some people are quite mystified about
why
