
Excerpts from ~The Notebooks of Lazarus Long~ by   Robert A. Heinlein

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A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated.  But an authentic one should
be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she
deserved.


A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.


What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!


A "pacifist male" is a contradiction in terms.  Most self-described
"pacifists" are not pacific; they simply assume false colors.  When
the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger.


Of all the strange crimes that human beings have legislated out of
nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing--with "obscenity" and
"indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.


Money is a powerful aphrodisiac.  But flowers work almost as well.


There is only one way to console a widow.  But remember the risk.


Everything in excess!  To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.
Moderation is for monks.


An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.


The more you love, the more you CAN love--and the more intensely
you love.  Nor is there any limit on how MANY you can love.  If
a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who
are decent and just.


Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.


Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs--sex especially.
When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent
(quite properly) any invasion of their privacy.  Oh, sure, they'll
make mistakes--but that's THEIR business, not your's.  (You made
your own mistakes, did you not?)


Never frighten a little man.  He'll kill you.


Touch is the most fundamental sense.  A baby experiences it, all
over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight,
hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it.  Keep
your children short on pocket money--and long on hugs.


Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors--
and miss.


Never try to outstubborn a cat.


Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.


Yield to temptation--it may not pass your way again.


The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course
it is none of my business but--" is to place a period after the
word "but."  Don't use excessive force in supplying such a
moron with a period.  Cutting his throat is only a momentary
pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.


A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds
up his morale.  After a while he realizes that she IS beautiful--
he just hadn't noticed it at first.


A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to
its quality.  Bastinado is about right.  For exceptional wit
one might grant keelhauling.  But staking him out on an anthill
should be reserved for the very wittiest.


Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.  All other
"sins" are invented nonsense.  (Hurting yourself is not sinful--
just stupid.)


Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.


A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.


"I came, I saw, she conquered."  (The original Latin seems to
have been garbled.)

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I hope you all enjoyed them.

Tom Newcomb                     | "In the life of one man, never
c8-rl@franny.Berkeley.EDU       |  The same time returns."  (T.S. Eliot)


