           Formatted in 80 columns - If you can't read it, too bad!

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------\\
!!                                                                         !!
!!                        The Birth of a Rodent!                           !!
!!                                                                         !!
!!                         By: The Warlock Lord                            !!
!!                        Thanx to: The Metallian                          !!
!!                                                                         !!
!!          A Metal Communications / Neon Knights Presentation             !!
\\-------------------------------------------------------------------------//
        If you feel any offense, insult or a upset at this file in any way, 
then by all means, FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!  You are a R0DENT!  And now lets begin..

        As we all know, rodents don't materialize out of nowhere, they have to
be born at some time.  Well, amazingly enough, they all share the same date of
birth!  Read onward...

Date of birth - 12/25/??
========================

        'Twas the morning of Christmas and all thru the house, a creature was
stirring, the little louse!  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
and lo and behold!  An Apple computer was there! (now starts the beginning of
the end for us...)

        Little Johnny was overjoyed, he got his new toy.  And that's all it was
to this silly little boy.  He now could play all the games he saw before, only
now HE had a computer, and could get more.

(enough of this stupid poem...)

        After giving up trying to play with "Renumber", he decides to plug in
his Networker and call a board he saw a fellow "pirate" (and I use the term
loosely) kawl.  Living in Minniapolis, he decides to kawl The <urse.
"Wowzee neeto!" he says, seeing the spinning kursor.  He reads the new user
logon "I hope U like my K-Kool modzzzz, and any of you rad piratezz make sure
to post on the piratezz board.  L8ron dudzzz"

        Well, he manages to get phreak access, partially because of his name
(King Blotto jr. (he read Newsweek in his Daddies office)), and sees something
new..... SPRINT CODEZZZZ!!!!! "Oh golly", he says, nearly wetting his pajamas,
"I can kawl long distance!!".  He immedietly logs off and tries to kawl long
distance.  He dials "3673266916177203600", no knowing you have to kawl a local
dial-up for Sprint, and that you don't use a "1" for the number.  Eventually,
he asks his rad pirate pal, Doctor Who (another one...), how to use his codezz.
So, he kawls the local dial-up.  All of a sudden, in the middle of dialing, he
hears a strange busy signal.  He doesn't realize he's using a Networker with
it's awesome pulse dialing.  He kawls Doctor Who and realizes he has to use his
phone with touchtone to dial.  With that, he kawls Pirates Harbor.  By pure 
luck, he sees the number of K.A.O.S in the board list.  Remembering seeing "Get 
Smart" on WTBS cable channel reruns, he kawls. 

Simulation...
-------------

(*> Welcome to K.A.O.S. <*)

Enter password or 'NEW'
-->'NEW'

Sure, he has brains.  It's just that he's sitting on them....

*Invalid password.  Try Again*

-->'NEW'

After 6 or 7 tries, he is logged off becase he took too much time.  So, he kawls back...

-->'NEW'

By now, Max shows up and wonders who's the dumb fuck screwing around and goes
into chat mode...

Max: "Hey man, what's your problem?"

A few seconds later, there comes a click from inside of Max's computer, and he
sees...

Lost Carrier - Rebooting 

Damn!  Don't you hate that?  Coward, that's all I can say for him.

        Well, our little r0dent get's onto Dragonfire and sees the AE list.
He decides to kawl and see what they are.  His screen goes blank (after spend-
ing 3 1/2 hours redialing) and he sees "Entry:".  5 minutes later, the same
thing "Entry:".  By now the sysop comes in and sees this idiot just sitting
there and goes into chat mode.

Sysop:"What the fuck??  What's the big idea of tying up my line?"

"Click"

So much for King Blotto jr....

He asks another rad pirate, Super Hacker, how to use AE lines.  Super Hacker 
tells him, and kawls an AE to show him how.  So our little friend goes home and
kawls an AE.  He decides to kawl Connections I/O...  He sees,

"I/O.........."  Needless to say, he remembers seeing "Entry" and thinks he
kawled the wrong thing.  Again, he asks Super Hacker what gives, and realizes
that "entry:" can be changed.  So, he kawls again.  This time he types the
password, "trekky".  But the kursor doesn't move.  He hangs up, thinking his
modem doesn't work.  Another kawl to Super Hacker.  Again, he kawls.  But some-
thing is wrong.  The screen is going crazy.  Why?  Could it have anything to
do with the fact he is using the terminal program he found in his Networker
box?  Could be...  Well, he asks Super Pirate again, gets AE Pro, and kawls. 
After 3 hours, he gets thru.  Now he sees "(>".  Now what?  Good question.
Well, he types "?".  At least he got that right.  But that's where his streak
ends.  He sees the catalog...

"Disk Volume 254"

A 002 HELLO
B 123 ULTIMA IV<0>
B 123 ULTIMA IV<1>
B 123 ULTIMA IV<2>
B 033 ULTIMA IV<3>
T 067 ULTIMA IV DOCS/APPLE BANDIT

13 BLOCKS FREE

(>

Well?  Now what?  He wants Ultima.  So, he goes for it...

"S"

"send:" ultima 4<0>
no such file

Good job!  Try again...

"Send:" Ultima iv<0>
244 blocks

ready to send

ERR <CS 1-1>
ERR <CS 2-2>
ERR <CS 3-3>

The dumb shit doesn't know enought to hit ctrl-q, g, and the filename.  After
20 minutes, he does it file <1>, then <2>.  2 hours later, he hangs up and
looks at his disk catalog..

DSR C^#254

A 002 HELLO
B 135 AE
B 109 BDOS
B 006 DDMOVER 
S 095 AE.HELP
T 002 MACRO.FILE

"Golly, where is Ultima???  I must have lost it over the line!"


        Well, the weeks go by..Johnny meets more rad piratezz, get new warezzz
and finally learns how to use Ae.  He kawls all over the place.  Now he sees
something interesting..

T 002 AE/CATSEND 24HRS. 215-367-7739 40MEGS!

"Wowzy neeto!".  He hangs up and kawls.  After logging on, he selects Catsend.
He sees..

"Welcome!"

>>

But his screen in in inverse!  Something is wrong here!  The sysop sees his
screen in inverse, and goes into chat mode.  But since the rodent is using
AE Pro, the typing is a mess.

"W&8'} He;os F04ivk @},*5 yus]p' do82u7!i6/:=_

Sure, you try and read that!  Click!  Well, another kawl to Super Hacker and
he realizes ha can't kawl Catsend lines because he doesn't have an Apple Cat.
(thank God for small favors!)  So, he sticks to AE lines and boards.  On the 
board, he has his own style of message posting...

(5 lines of spinning kursorz first...)
"Man, is that kuhl or what?!?!?!?>!?@  Well, dudez, I have been trading with
a lot of people, gettin' new warezzzzzz, and I gotta tell ya, there are some 
great new warezz out!  I got "Sabotage" yesterday.  I kawled Hot Rod and
asked him if he had it, and he said "No way!  Are you serious???"  It has to
be new.  Well, if ya want to trade, leave mail.  L8R0N dudezzzz!

                [-=*^>King Blotto Jr.<^*=-]
           Masters of the Universe Pirates Guild
 


        It's a good thing King Blotto doesn't bother with the lower forms of
boards, or he would skin this kid and I have b hang him over his mantle!

        When kawling Ae lines, he is very consistent.  Always download, never
upload.  They come straight home from school, sit down and spend the rest of
the night in front of his toy.  That's all it is, a toy.  Rodents never
associate with other people, except fellow losers in their super "elite" group.
Forget weekends, they don't leave their seat.  When they run out of disk space
because they have new warezzzzz like Apple Panic, Ultima, and public domain
software, he buys generic disks, $1.25 each, with 3 bad tracks each.
 
        By summer, school is over and he has all day to kawl Ae lines and leech
warezzzz.  By now, he developed into a full-fledged rodent.  Here is an example
of a message from our friend...

Message Title: My latest warezzzzz!!!!!!!!!1!!!
Message by: King Blotto jr.
Date posted: Friday, June 15, 8:35 pm <-notice the time and date

(3 or 4 lines of spinning kursorzzzz first)

Like, dudezzz, what happening?????!?!? Has anyone seen the nu warezzz on the
Ae linezzz???  They're k000000l!!!!!  I got Sneakers, OO-topoos, Adventureland,
and Cathacker 1.0!!!!!!!!!!11!!  But my Cathacker is bad, cuzzz it won't work
with my delux Networker.  Duzz anyone know how to use Catsend?  I can't get
mine to work right.  Also, kawl the UCLA loops, 213-206-2801.  They're k0000ll
ll!!1!!@1!  I wuzz on last night and talked to Line Breaker.  He'z gonna let me
in the NYSHII elite!!!@!@!1!!  He's got 100 megs!!!!  I don't need this shit-
ass board no more.  So fuck all of u!!!!@!!1!!!

L8ER0N Dudezzz

            [/-\King Blotto jr./-\]
        Masters of the Universe Elite
                 NYSHII Elite

(now the kursor goes back and forth about 30 times until we have a headache.)

        Given time, all l0zers and r0dents get thrown off boards, to the point
where they are setting up boards for eachother to kawls and leech eachother. 
The result is nothing new gets circulated into their "elite" group.  Every now
and then, however, one gets by and looks like a good user.  Sysops have to be
aware of these guys, but they usually make a mistake and can be caught.  Look
close...

Message Title: My Newest
Message By: Black Wizard
Date posted: Sunday, June 17, 4:26 pm. <-better than Blotto jr....

The Ae lines have been quite busy, but they are loaded with a lot of stuff.
Some of my newer acquisitions include...

Archon
Apple-Net BBS
Newsroom
Universe
Copy II+ 5.0

Any interested parties leave mail

        ----=====>Black Wizard<=====----
     Co-Sysop - Masters of the Universe AE


        Almost!  But he gave himself away!  

Well, that about ends this display in madness.  I hoped you enjoyed it and got
a good laugh out of it.  If you didn't, then you must obviously be a R0DENT!
Read the Real Pirates Guides (except v4) and learn something!

The Warlock Lord - 
Metal Communications Inc.    
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Call these Cool Boards....\
   //\\//\\etalland 1  10megs/AE/BBS/Cat-Fur Line...........[503]538-0761
   //\\//\\etalland ][ AE/Cat-Fur Line......................[503]253-5300
   //\\//\\etalland III, The Island of Death Cat-Fur........[808]395-8384
   The //\\//\\etal AE PW:KILL..............................[201]879-6668
   The Mordor 1200bps AE/10megs/Cat-Fur Line................[201]528-6467

A    /\  /\
    //\\//\\
   //  \/  \\
  //        \\ETAL COMMUNICATIONS RELEASE!
