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ณ                       The Phone Losers Of America                          ณ
ณ                                 Presents                                   ณ
ณHow To Bill All Of your Fone Calls To Some Poor, Unsuspecting Son Of A Bitchณ
ณ                       Written By RedBoxChiliPepper                         ณ
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ณ Written On July 7, 1993                 Last Revision on November 18, 1994 ณ
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ณ For Informational Purposes Only. We're Not Responsible For Your Stupidity. ณ
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So there I was stranded in Miami with a broken red box in one hand and an 
outdated list of calling card numbers in the other hand. Just as I was about
ready to jump to my death in the ocean because I couldn't call my friends, I
got an idea. Third-party bill my calls to random names in the phone book!

Of course, I started out using this method on pay phones which is a pain in
the ass because the operator wants to call up the number you're billing to
and make sure it's okay with them first. So here's your detailed instructions
for simplified third-party billing. Oh, and by the way, in no way am I claiming
to be the elite guy who "discovered" third party. I mean, come on, third party
billing's been around forever and some guy said I shouldn't take credit for
something that's been done forever. I'm just trying to explain how easy it is.
Sheesh, some people! Cactus.

Finding A Number To Use:
-----------------------
First of all, if you're going to be calling from home, it's best to charge
the calls to a different area code than your own. Sure, a local number will
work but when the people get their phone bill and see a local number on it,
they'll most likely call it to find out what it is. When they see a long
distance number they think "Goodness gracious! If I call that number my
phone bill will even be higher." Even if they do call you, you can just play
ignorant and if they're far away they probably won't come looking for you.

Pick a city, any city. The city should be far away in another state. Now dial
local information and ask for the area code to your city. Let's say you
picked Waverly, Iowa. The area code is 319. Now dial 1-319-555-1212 to call
Waverly Directory Assisstance. The charge for this call should only be about
sixty cents.

Now think of a very common last name like Smith, Lawrence, Conner, Mitchell,
Shlappenheimerwinthrop, etc. You get the idea. 

OPER: Directory Assisstance, Betty. What city, please?
 YOU: Waverly.
OPER: Go ahead.
 YOU: I need the number of a last name Conner.
OPER: (type, type, type) Okay I have two Conners listed. A Bob and an
      initial H.
 YOU: Bob, yeah that's it. Definately Bob. Bob it is. Gimmie Bob. Yeah, Bob.
OPER: The number is 452-0357.

So that's the number you'll bill to. 319-452-0357. Of course if you're 
planning to do this extensively you'll need many more numbers to pick from.
That's when you call up the phone company and ask for a phone book to be
delivered to you so you'll have a whole list of numbers to choose from. A
normal book will cost about $7.00 or so. If you know how to do it right, it
won't cost you anything but I won't get into that. The phone book will pay
for itself after about 3 or 4 long distance calls.

Exchange List:
-------------
If you don't want to go through all the trouble of doing the above, here's a
list of exchanges you can pick from. I'm including the area code and prefix.
You just make up four numbers after that at random. 

              618-254-xxxx 409-744-xxxx 213-962-xxxx 505-398-xxxx             
              318-981-xxxx 314-231-xxxx 513-741-xxxx 503-255-xxxx
              803-254-xxxx 319-452-xxxx 618-377-xxxx 512-441-xxxx


Making The Call:
---------------
Pretty easy. Dial 0-AREA CODE-NUMBER. You'll hear a cool Bell tone and the
automated voice will ask you to enter your card number. Press "0" to skip
that part. Recently, they came out with automated third number billing so you
don't have to deal with a live operator anymore. Isn't technology great?! The
automated voice will ask you to "say" how you want to bill your call. Just 
say, "third number" and it'll ask you to touch tone in the number you want to
charge it to. Dial 319-452-0357 and presto, your call is completed.

If you get a live operator instead say, "I'd like to charge this to my home
telephone in Waverly, Iowa, the Turnip capitol of the world." and follow the
same proceedure.

Some of the more intelligent people (about 2%) put a third-number block on
their line. If this happens the recording will say, "This call cannot be 
billed to this number." Solution? Hang up, redial the number and try billing
it to a different number or just transpose a couple of the numbers you just
tried.

Calling From A Pay Phone:
------------------------
As I mentioned before, doing it from a pay phone is a little harder but still
works. The operator will want to call the person you're billing to a verify
with them that it's okay to bill it there. 

The trick is to open the phone book at the pay phone and pick a number at
random. Look for an old person's name because they're the most gullible but
anyone will do. Let's say you picked Christian Slater 213-962-7142. Dial your
number as 0-AREA CODE-NUMBER and hit "0" after the tone.

OPER: AT&T, How may I help you?
 YOU: I want to charge this to my home phone.
OPER: Will someone be there to accept the charges?
 YOU: Who wants to know?
OPER: Me.
 YOU: Okay, then, tough guy.
OPER: What is your name?
 YOU: Christian Slater, you may have heard of me.
OPER: (dials 213-962-7142. A lady answers the phone. Probably Slater's wife.)
LADY: Hello?
OPER: Hello, this is AT&T. Christian is making a call from a public phone and
      wishes to bill the call to you. Will you accept the charges?
LADY: Oh, yeah, okay. I'll accept.

And the operator thanks you and puts your call through. As long as you don't
get any of the following responses you should be okay:

"Huh? But I'M Christian Slater."
"Calling from a pay phone?? But he's right here with me watching Cheers!?"
"Christian died last week."
"No Hablo Engles??"

A Few Extra Notes:
-----------------
Sometimes if the no one is home at the number you're trying to bill to, you 
can convince the operator that it's really you're number if you know what the
answering machine message is going to say and if you can do an impression of
their voice on the machine. Even a bad impression will sometimes work.

When doing this from home, try not to use the same number more than two or
three times so the owner of the number will be less likely to investigate.

I've experienced third-party billing from both sides. Someone charged forty
dollars worth of calls to my dad's phone and the operators were very 
unhelpful and unfriendly. They refused to investigate even though it was
comming from a residential line and it took two months to get the charges
removed. This was back in 1990 but I've been doing this for a few years now
and people don't seem to care too much at a few calls totaling to under ten 
bucks. I've actually called the people I used and asked them about it and they 
almost always blow it off as a "minor nusience."

AT&T is completely automated from your home and the best to use. U.S.Sprint
is the second best because they're not automated but they also don't call and
verify. M.C.I. sucks because they're losers who verify no matter what so don't 
use them. To choose your company, before you dial the number dial 10288 for 
AT&T or 10333 for U.S. Sprint.

International calls will be verified no matter what from pay phone or home.
Hope this file benefits everyone who reads it. It'll sure cut your long
distance bill down a lot.

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ณ  Contact The Phone Losers Of America Nearest You! The P.L.A. Voice Mailbox ณ
ณ  number is 512-370-4680. And PLEASE don't pay for your phone calls.  -RBCP ณ
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