(A brief bit of humor from the September, 1990, issue of ANALOG 
SCIENCE FICTION/SCIENCE FACT MAGAZINE)

Are You Bored? 
     In a Rut? 
          Looking for a New Career? 

If so, we have the answer to your problems ... 
                   The Famous Hackers' School 
     That's right, friends--the Famous Hackers' School!  Now you 
can learn the ins and outs of Hacking in the comfort of your own 
home, as you prepare for your new career in this fast-growing hi-
tech field. 
     Just imagine the look on your friends' faces when they learn 
that you are a Certified Hacker!  As a Hacker, you will be smug 
in the knowledge that no corporate computer system is safe from 
your talents.  You'll be able to sleep late, and never have to 
worry about your bank balance again! 
     Under the watchful eyes of our anonymous instructors--noted 
Hackers all--this correspondence course will teach you the finer 
points of password plundering, system access level boosting, data 
destruction, and electronic banking. 
     And Famous Hackers' School offers something that no other 
school offers: backup career guidance.  This special course 
module will show you how to turn your eventual arrest into a 
media event, a bestselling book, and a secure position as a 
computer security consultant! 
     Just send fifty thousand dollars, and we'll rush your FHS 
starter kit to you via the fastest courier available. This jam-
packed starter kit includes the following: 
     * A deluxe 486 computer system, complete with 9600-bps modem 
       and our proprietary "TeleHack" software package 
     * A set of passwords to the major corporate computer systems 
       you'll access during your studies 
     * A twenty-gigabyte optical disk for storing looted data 
     * A collection of timed viruses for your personal use 
     * Official FHS membership card, recognized by bail-bondsmen 
       the world over 
     * A complete set of course manuals, cleverly disguised as 
       obsolete operating system manuals 
     Bonus!  Send your money before Friday the 13th, and we'll 
throw in our famous "Build-a-Virus" kit, complete with two-page, 
illegible photocopied instruction sheet, at no extra charge! 

   Get started as a Hacker today--and have more fun tomorrow! 

                   The Famous Hackers' School 
                A Division of Bizarro Enterprises 

                           Our Motto: 
                    Nobody likes a hacker ... 
           but that's okay, because they'll be sorry! 

Copyright, 1990, Michael A. Banks

=============================================================
                    BOOKS BY MICHAEL A. BANKS
     "If a technical thing is troubling you, just wait a bit.
     Michael Banks is probably writing a book that will make it
     clear." --The Associated Press

     Do you use DeskMate 3?  Are you getting the most out of the
program?  To find out, get a copy of GETTING THE MOST OUT OF
DESKMATE 3, by Michael A. Banks, published by
Brady Books/Simon & Schuster, and available in your local
Tandy/Radio Shack or Waldenbooks store now.  Or, phone 800-624-
0023 to order direct.  (The all-new 2nd edition is now
available!)

     "GETTING THE MOST OUT OF DESKMATE 3 is more than a guide to
     DeskMate; it's an enhancement..."--Waldenbooks Computer
     NewsLink

     Interested in modem communications?  Check out THE MODEM
REFERENCE, also by Michael A. Banks and published by Brady
Books/Simon & Schuster.  Recommended by Jerry Pournelle in Byte,
The New York times, The Smithsonian Magazine, various computer
magazines, etc.  (Excerpts from this book accompany this file.)
THE MODEM REFERENCE is available at your local B. Dalton's,
Waldenbooks, or other bookstore, either in stock or by order.
Or, phone 800-624-0023 to order direct.  (1st edition currently
available; all-new 2nd edition available in January, 1991!)
    "I definitely recommend it." --Jerry Pournelle, BYTE Magazine

     Want the lowdown on getting more out of your word processor?
Read the only book on word processing written by writers, for
writers: WORD PROCESSING SECRETS FOR WRITERS, by Michael A. Banks
& Ansen Dibel (Writer's Digest Books).  WORD PROCESSING SECRETS
FOR WRITERS is available at your local B. Dalton's, Waldenbooks,
or other bookstore, either in stock or by order.  Or, phone 800-
543-4644 (800-551-0884 in Ohio) to order direct.

                 Other books by Michael A. Banks
UNDERSTANDING FAX & E-MAIL (Howard W. Sams & Co.)
THE ODYSSEUS SOLUTION (w/Dean Lambe; SF novel; Baen Books)
JOE MAUSER: MERCENARY FROM TOMORROW (w/Mack Reynolds; SF novel; Baen Books)
SWEET DREAMS, SWEET PRICES (w/Mack Reynolds; SF novel; Baen Books)
COUNTDOWN: THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO MODEL ROCKETRY (TAB Books)
THE ROCKET BOOK (w/Robert Cannon; Prentice Hall Press)
SECOND STAGE: ADVANCED MODEL ROCKETRY (Kalmbach Books)
     For more information, contact:
                        Michael A. Banks
                          P.O. Box 312
                       Milford, OH  45150
