-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_                                       
                                            ммм
                                       ммппппллллм
                                 м   мп  eptппллпллм
                               млллм п ncмлллол   ллм
                              лплллнў o ллп о помлллл
                             п  олл њcмнллм  мл п  олн
                          п     ллллллллмоллллн   млл
                      ў       млпппп м     пппммлллп
                њ           пп        ппллллллпп

                'Like Ma Bell, we've got the Ill Communications'

_-f-_-u-_-c-_-_-_k_-_-t-_h_-_-_-e-_-_-_g_-e-s-_-_-_-t-_a_-_-_-_-_p_-_-o-_-_!_-

                 _-~So just what is this LCA thing anyway?~-_
                  -----------------by fLoOd-----------------

        Well...Hmmm...how should I start?  The LCA is just a coupla guys in a
little shit of a town who got bored of conventional wisdom, got us a few 
handy little modem-thingies, and breathed a little too much freshly-popped
microwave popcorn air.
        So...we got together, listened to a couple funky tunes, traded some
worldly wisdom, and compared scars...when the house was struck by a huge bolt
of strangely green-looking lightning.  Next thing you know, we all began 
prophesying in tongues and popping things in the microwave at random to see 
what would happen.  To our extreme disappointment, the computer CPU would not
fit, and therefore we took it as a sign from God that the computer, unlike the
string of polish sausages, box of little cocktail weinies, and baby ostrich
that had imploded under the might of the sacred 'Reheat' button, was to be
used for a much loftier and more sanitary purpose.
        We immediately set to work eating pineapple Now&Laters, researching 
Bell Security's ESS and Crossbar systems, yelling at African Finger Monkeys, 
and typing up these phat t-files for your viewing pleasure.  It is no small
task, either.  It took years of toil, endless hours of reading life insurance
policy fine print, gallons of coffee, and many failed attempts in our search
for the perfect piece of Key Lime Pie.  But eventually, we came up with two
text files containing information _so_ priceless that we had to just sit back
and bask in the warm photon flow being emitted from our screens for a few.
        So...I took these files, cleaned them up, edited them, slapped the
funky header & footer designs on'em, set a lunch date with the president's
wife, and altered my ссS slightly to be our Distribution Site.  And boom...
here we are, right on your screen.  There's the information superhighway for
you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  _   ___   __ ============----------- This file brought to you by fLoOd of 
 / | / _ \  \ \ ============----------- the LcA, resident system god at the
 \ || / \/  /  \ ============----------- Starving Artist, 910.722.0514.
  [|| \____/ /\ \ ============----------- 
 / |_\_____  [_\ \ ============----------- Keep searching for cool little     
 |________________\ ============----------- Happy Meal prizes!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

