# Humor: "Real" Guides

The theory holds that the concept of "Real" in the BBS Scene rose from the bestselling book "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche", published in the early 1980's. The audacity of this title, along with the easy copy-cat books that surrounded it, are probably what led to a massive rush of textfiles dedicated to listing or describing examples of "Real" Pirates, "Real" Phreakers, "Real" Users, and a host of other modem personalities.

In some cases, the action gets extremely metaphysical, with a Guide to Real Pirate's Guides, and Guides to types that no-one outside of the author probably knew existed.

Filename | Size | Description of the Textfile
808-elit.txt | 5817 | How to Be Elite, by 808 State (1991)
anarch.hum | 5680 | Anarchists: What a bunch of Pussies! By Mr. Curious
anarchy.hum | 3125 | How to be an Anarchist (Probably should be REAL ANARCHISTS...)
anklebyt.txt | 11102 | The Real Anklebyter's Guide
bangers.txt | 3093 | The Real Guide to Headbangers Volume 2: By Night Hawk and Night Ranger
compnerd.hum | 3930 | How to be a Computer Nerd (Also known as "REAL NERDS")
engineer.txt | 1548 | Real Engineers
k00ld00d.txt | 5069 | The History of Real K-K00l D00Ds by The Edge
killnerd.hum | 5680 | Spotting and Killing Nerds by John Smith and Sorcerer's Apprentice
kooldoo4.txt | 8409 | K-K00L D00Ds Volume 4, by The Radioactive Snail
lechhate.hum | 6307 | What Leeches Hate about AE Sysops
leechdic.hum | 8997 | The Leech Dictionary, by the Blue Buccaneer
leechus.hum | 7259 | A Lengthy Comparison of Real Users and Real Leeches
losers.hum | 4250 | Real Losers Guide Volume 1, by The Enforcer
mel-prog.txt | 7805 | The Story of a REAL Real Programmer: Mel
melvins.gph | 3328 | Real Computer Melvins
pirates.txt | 13730 | A Couple of Real Pirates Guides
pirates2.txt | 6066 | The Real Pirates Guide Volume III V.2 Written by the Whip
power.txt | 7472 | The Power User Guide to Power Users
pyros.hum | 4145 | The Real Pyros Guide by The Locksmith
quiche.txt | 3588 | Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche
real.pro | 1809 | Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche
real_p.rog | 26141 | Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal, by Ed Post, Tektronix
real_pro.pas | 24993 | Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL, by Ed Post, Tektronix
real_pro.spe | 6437 | Real Porgrammers Don't Write Specs
realcpnk.txt | 11780 | The Men from Mongo present Real Cyberpunks (September 24, 1991)
realduh.txt | 2300 | The Real Deversi Dial Users Guide
realeng.sof | 3393 | Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
realgame.hum | 5398 | A Guide to Real Gamers, by Fritz Mertens
realhomo.hum | 5065 | The Guide to Real Homosexuals/Lesbians. I Suspect Fake.
realluze.hum | 3709 | The Real Luzer's Guide, by Jimmy the Phreak
realmel.pro | 9262 | Real Programmers Write in Fortran
realmen.txt | 24689 | Real Programmers Don't Write Pascal
realops.txt | 5248 | The Real operator's Guide
realpas.pro | 25241 | Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL
realphre.hum | 6209 | Real Phreaker's Guide Volume I, by Taran King
realpir.hum | 4039 | Your Guide to Real Pirates Guides
realpir.txt | 9344 | The Real Pirate's Guide, by Ctrl-Reset
realpira.hum | 6529 | The Real Pirate's Guide, by Rabid Rasta
realprgr.txt | 3807 | Another Real Progammers Guide
realpro.hum | 8713 | Real Programmers Don't use Fortran!
realprog.txt | 2178 | Real Programmers
realrokr.txt | 2202 | A Real Rocker's Guide, by The Rocker
realscie.hum | 3529 | Real Computer Scientists Don't Write Code
realsoft.hum | 3434 | Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
realsoft.txt | 9977 | Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
realsurf.txt | 2454 | The Code of being a Real Surfer
realsys.txt | 2136 | Real Sysops Don't Eat Quiche by Karl Kemerait and T. Badd
realteac.hum | 12156 | Real Computer Teachers, by The Joker
realuser.txt | 3043 | Real Sysops and Unreal Board Crashers, and Real BBS Users, by The Master Watchman
realwork.hum | 5001 | Real Works Users, by Jason Scott
rpg.001 | 7552 | The Real Pirate's Guide
rpg1.txt | 6858 | Being a Real Pirate.
rpg2.txt | 7738 | Real Pirate's Guide, 2nd Edition
rpg3.txt | 3302 | Real Pirate's Guide, 3rd Edition
ruggies.hum | 5155 | The Real Ruggie's Guide
skimboar.hum | 4192 | A Guide to Real Skimboarders
skinstud.hum | 7733 | Real Skins Versus Real Studs
some.humor? | 6362 | Collection of Really Weird News Stories from 1976
squid.hum | 6850 | The True Definition of a Squid
ticool.txt | 5016 | The Real "Cool Dudes" Guide, by Red Phantom
unrealus.hum | 3594 | The Unreal User and the Real User, by Floppie Freddie

There are 62 files for a total of 430,968 bytes.