I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free
M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other
people,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman
numerals), when I ran into a  friend whose neighbor, a young man,
was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket
of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since  as
everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried
Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name
to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was
in  his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over
and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD
BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!"
but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global
disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute
the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of
Bill Gates. (It's true  -  I read it all last week in a mass
e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who  was  also promising me a
free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the
e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a  pay phone to report
his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to
press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the
phone line at the guy's expense.  Then reaching into the
coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS."  Luckily he was only a few
blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in
the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society
has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I
sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's  and  o's
in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more
than10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people only you
will only have OK  luck and if you send it to fewer than 10
people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital,
but on the way he noticed another car driving without  its lights
on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly
shot as part of a  gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will
receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and
Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have
more bad luck: you will  get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate
in your shampoo,
your spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the
U.S. government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet!!'
 
