Note:  The Truly Tasteless BBS has the pleasure of providing you with the
following humor.  Please direct any updates, comments, improvements, etc. to
TTT BBS at (415)-364-4339, or by mail at

1583 Cordilleras Road,
Redwood City, CA 94062

Thanks!

Richard Lane
Sysop

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A school teacher is conducting a show and tell session with her second grade
class.  She says, "I have something in my hand.  It is small, round and red.  Do
you know what it is?"

Several children raised their hands.  The teacher said, "Okay, Linda, what do
you think it is?"

Linda answered, "It's a cherry."

"No," said the teacher, "it's a tomato.  But that shows you were thinking."

"I now have something behind my back that is long and yellow," continued the
teacher.  "What is it?"

Tommy answered, "I know.  I know.  It's a banana."

"No, it's a squash.  But that shows you were thinking," replied the teacher.

Little Johnny, the class troublemaker then raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I
have something in my pants.  It is long, thin, and has a pink end.  Do YOU know
what it is?"

The teacher was somewhat embarrassed and said, "Johnny!  Don't ever talk like
that again!"

To which Johnny replied, "Gee teacher, it was only a pencil.  BUT--that shows
you were thinking!"

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An elderly couple were sitting on a park bench.  The old man turns to the woman
an asks if she will marry him.

"What will we do for money to live on?" she asked.

"I have lots of real estate holdings.  They will generate all the money we need
for the rest of our life," replied the old man.

"Where will we live?" she then asked.

"I have a huge house," he replied.  "There is enough room in it for our children
and our grandchildren.  We can be happy there till we die."

"Well, what about sex?" she asked.

"Infrequently," he replied.

"Is that one word or two?" she asked.

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An expensive Italian sports car pulled up to a very expensive restaurant.  A
well dressed gentleman got out, went around the car, and opened the door for his
beautiful blond companion.  She was elegantly dressed and had on a full length
mink coat.

They went into the bar and the gentleman ordered a bottle of their best
champagne.  The bartender brought the champagne.  When he approached the couple,
he noticed that the gentleman had a very small man sitting on his shoulder.  The
little man was only ten inches tall.  The bartender who had seen some strange
things in his day decided it was best not to say anything about this little man.
So, he just poured the champagne for the couple.

The lady sipped her champagne, but when the gentleman went to sip his champagne
the little man on his shoulder jumped on the bar, grabbed the glass, and threw
the champagne in the gentleman's face.  The bartender saw this and thought it
was very strange.  But again he thought it was best not to say anything about
it.  So, he refilled the gentleman's glass.

Again as the gentleman went to sip his champagne, the little man jumped on the
bar, grabbed the glass, and threw it in the gentleman's face.  Well, this time
the bartender could not contain his curiosity so he asked the gentleman what was
going on.

The gentleman replied, "You're not going to believe my story."

"Try me," said the bartender.

The gentleman then began his story.  "One day not too long ago, I was out of
work and decided to do some beachcombing to kill some time.  As I was walking
along, I saw this glint of metal in the sand.  I picked up a strange metal
object which was corroded and dirty.  I rubbed it to get an idea of what it
would look like when it was cleaned up.  And POOF a genie appeared.  I thought I
was crazy or somebody was playing a joke on me or something.

"Anyway, the genie told me that he would grant me three wishes.  I figured what
do I have to lose?  So I wished for all the money I could ever want."

The bartender said, "It looks that that wish came true."

"Yes," replied the gentleman. "Then for my second wish, I wished to always have
a beautiful woman companion."

"That wish definitely came true," said the bartender admiring the gentleman's
blond companion.  "What was your third wish?"

"Well for my third and final wish, I asked for a ten-inch prick."

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NOTE:  I first heard these jokes on the radio.  The radio station, KRQR, (97 FM) 
has a daily joke during the morning commute (about 7:25 am).  These were three 
of the better ones.  I hope you like them.
