                   Open letter to Tax Payers.  

Dear Tax Payers:  The only thing the Internal Revenue Service has
not taxed is your Pecker. This is due to the fact that 40% of the
time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed
off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is
employed but operates in the hole. Furthermore, it has two
dependents and they are both nuts.  Accordingly, after March 1,
1986, your Pecker will be taxed, based on its size, using the
Pecker-Checker Scale. Determine your category and insert the
additional tax under "Other Taxes", Page 2, Part V, line 69 of your
Standard Income Tax Return.  

                   PECKER - CHECKER  SCALE  

       10-12 inches*  / Luxury Tax............... $50.00   
        8-10 inches   / Pole Tax................. $25.00  
        6-8  inches   / Privilege Tax............ $15.00  
        4-6  inches   / Nuisance Tax............. $ 5.00  

* Males with peckers in excess of 12 inches should be filed under
"Capital Gains". 

NOTE: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO
NOT ASK FOR EXTENSION ! 
                        Very truly yours, 

                                             Your Tax Woman  


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