
                        Guide to Computer Language

           BIT:  A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's
                 computer cost quite a bit."
          BOOT:  What your friends give you because you spend too much
                 time bragging about your computer skills.
           BUG:  What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green
                 computer screen for more than 15 minutes.  Also: what
                 computer magazine companies do to you after they get
                 your name on their mailing list.
         CHIPS:  The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat
                 to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
          COPY:  What you have to do during school tests because you
                 spend too much time at the computer and not enough
                 time studying.
        CURSOR:  What you turn into when you can't get your computer to
                 perform, as in "You $#$%&@#$ computer!"
          DISK:  What goes out in your back after bending over a
                 computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
          DUMP:  The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after
                 you install your computer.
         ERROR:  What you made the first time you walked into a computer
                 showroom to "just look."
EXPANSION UNIT:  The new room you have to build on to your home to
                 house your computer and all its peripherals.
          FILE:  What your secretary can now do to her nails six and
                 a half hours a day, now that the computer does her
                 day's work in 30 minutes.
        FLOPPY:  The condition of a constant computer user's stomach
                 due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food.
                 (see "Chips").
      HARDWARE:  Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy
                 equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting
                 your computer.
           IBM:  The kind of missile your family members and friends
                 would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay
                 attention to them again.
          MENU:  What you'll never see again after buying a computer
                 because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
       MONITOR:  Often thought to be a word associated with computers,
                 this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who
                 always want to see your hall pass at school.
      PROGRAMS:  Those things you used to look at on your television
                 before you hooked your computer up to it.
           RAM:  What you do to the side of your computer when it's
                 not working properly.
        RETURN:  What lots of people do with their computers after
                 only a week and a half.
      TERMINAL:  A place where you can find buses, trains and really
                 good deals on hot computers.
        WINDOW:  What you heave the computer out of after you
                 accidentally erase a program that took you three days
                 to set up.
 VUARNET INT'L:  A BBS in Boston specializing in text philes, message
                 bases, and home of the naked Co-Ed BBS team.

-/Vuarnet International/-
      617/527.oo91
  24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis