Lifetime Horoscope

Aquarius:  Jan20 - Feb 13 You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive.  You lie a lot.  On the other hand, you are inclined
to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes
repeatedly.  Everyone thinks you are stupid.

Pisces:  Feb 19 - Mar 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think
you are being followed by the CIA, KGB, and FBI.  You have a minor
influence over associates and people resent you for flaunting your
power.  You lack confidence and are generally afraid to do anything. 
Pisces people often have sex with small animals.

Aries:  Mar21 - Apr 19 You are the planner type and hold most people in
contempt.  You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. 
You are a prick.

Taurus:  Apr 20 - May 20 You're practical and persistent.  You have a
dogged determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded.  In actually, you are nothing but a damn
communist.

Gemini:  May 21 - June 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker. 
People like you because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to
expect too much for too little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis are
notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer:  June 21 - July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always
putting things off, and that is why you will always be on welfare and
never worth a dime.

Leo:  July 23 - Aug 22 You consider yourself a born leader, while
others think you are pushy.  Most Leos are bullies.  You are vain and
cannot take criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are
thieving bastards.

Virgo:  Aug 23 - Sept 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder. 
This nitpicking is excessive and sickening to your friends.  You are
cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love.  Virgos
make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

Libra:  Sept 23 - Oct 22 You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time with reality.  If your are a man, you are more than likely gay. 
Changes of employment and monetary gains are excellent.  Most Libra
women make excellent whores.  All libras will eventually die of veneral
disease.

Scorpio:  Oct 23 - Nov 21 You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted.  You shall achieve the pinnalce of success because of your
lack of ethics.  You are a perfect son-of-a bitch.  Most scorpios are
mentally retarded.

Saggitarius:  Nov 22 - Dec 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The
majority of saggitarius are drunks and dope fiends.  People laugh at
you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.

Capricorn:  Dec 22 - Jan 19 You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks.  You don't do much of anything and are lazy.  There has never
been a capricorn of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing
still for very long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons.
