WARNING!!!   WARNING!!!  PLEASE READ!!!  VIRUS INFO!!

Please note!  The following new computer viruses
have been detected. Please be alert for them when
you scan your computers.
  
  OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:  Your 200MB hard drive
  suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
  expands back to 200MB.
  
  POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never calls itself
  a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an
  "electronic microorganism."
         
  PEACE CORPS VIRUS:  Toughest virus you'll ever love.
  
  AT&T VIRUS:  Every three minutes it tells you
  what great service you are getting.
  
  MCI VIRUS:  Every three minutes it reminds you
  that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
  
  PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus
  does not horse around. It warns you of
  impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN,
  twice if by C:>.
  
  BILL CLINTON VIRUS:  Promises to save your
  disk, then once installed, does what all of the
  other viruses tell it to do and ignores its
  installer.
         
  GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:  It starts by boldly
  stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the
  screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free
  space on your hard drive with new files.
  
  AL GORE VIRUS:  Undistinguishable from the
  directory tree.
  
  MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:  It would be a great virus,
  but it refuses to run.
  
  TED TURNER VIRUS:  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
  
  ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:  Terminates and
  stays resident. It'll be back.
  
  DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:  Prevents your system from
  spawning any child process without joining into
  a binary network.
  
  GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but
  all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
  
  NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but
  it makes a lot of people really mad just
  thinking about it.
  
  GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixty percent of the PC's
  infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14
  percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5
  percent margin of error.)
  
  TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:  Prints "Oh no you don't"
  whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort"
  "Retry" "Fail" message.
  
  TEXAS VIRUS:  Makes sure that it's bigger than
  any other file.
  
  ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:  Takes a couple of bytes
  out of your Apple.
  
  CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:  The computer locks up,
  screen splits erratically with a message
  appearing on each half blaming the other side
  for the problem.
  
  AIRLINE VIRUS:  You're in Dallas, but your data
  is in Singapore.
  
  FREUDIAN VIRUS:  Your computer becomes obsessed
  with marrying its own motherboard.
  
  PBS VIRUS:  Your programs stop every few
  minutes to ask for money.
  
  ELVIS VIRUS:  Your computer gets fat, slow and
  lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at
  shopping malls and service stations across
  rural America.
  
  OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:  Causes your printer to
  become a paper shredder.
  
  NIKE VIRUS:  Just does it.
  
  SEARS VIRUS:  Your data won't appear unless you
  buy new cables, power supply and a set of
  shocks.
  
  JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:  Your programs can never be
  found again.
  
  CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2:  Runs every program on
  the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't
  allow the user to accomplish anything.
  
  KEVORKIAN VIRUS:  Helps your computer shut down
  as an act of mercy.
  
  IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:  Sings you a song
  (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts
  money from your Quicken account and spends it
  all on expensive shoes it purchases through
  Prodigy.
  
  STAR TREK VIRUS:  Invades your system in places
  where no virus has gone before.
  
  HEALTH CARE VIRUS:  Tests your system for a
  day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill
  for $4,500.
  
  CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS:  Makes your 486/50
  machine perform like a  286/AT.
         
  CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS:  Your PC makes frequent
  mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but
  you still love it.
  
  ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS:  Claims that if you don't
  send it a million dollars, it's programmer will
  take it back.
  
  RETURNED PC VOLUNTEER VIRUS:  Still the
  toughest virus you've ever loved.
  
  Use your virus scan, don't let any of these
  viruses happen to your PC!
