
Most of the definitions on the following lexicon of medical slang appeared
a few  years ago  in the  National Lampoon.  Some  of the definitions  are
funny.  Most are sick.  All are used in respected hospitals.


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  BOBBING FOR  APPLES: Using  the  finger to  unclog a  severely  constipated
    patient.

  F.L.K.:  "Funny-looking Kid."  Usually a mongoloid.

  F.L.P.:  Parents of an F.L.K.

  CRUMP, GORK,  VEDGY:  A  patient requiring  intensive  care,  incapable  of
    movement, and  
  CROCK: Hypochondriac.

  MARRIAGEABLE MONSTER: A young female patient who has successfully undergone
    major plastic surgery.

  GOMER:  A senile, messy, or highly unpleasant patient. 

  FASCINOMA: A "fascinating" tumor; any interesting or amusing malignancy.

  DROOLER:  A catatonic patient.

  CUT AND PASTE:  To open  a patient,  discover that  there is  no hope,  and
    immediately  sew  him up.   Well,  almost immediately.   Sometimes  young
    surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.

  FOUR F-ER: A gallbladder patient.  "Fat, forty-ish, flatulent female."

  PINKY CHEATER: Latex finger cover  used in gynecological and  proctological
    examinations.

  ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.

  A HOLE-IN-ONE:  A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.

  THE "O" SIGN: The letter O as formed by a patient's gaping mouth.

  THE "Q" SIGN: A patient giving the O sign with his tongue hanging out.

  THE DOTTED Q:  The "Q" sign, with a fly on the tongue.

  SIDEWALK SOUFFLE:  A patient who has fallen from a building.

  LOOSE CHANGE:  A dangling limb in need of amputation.

  BULL IN THE RING:  A blocked large intestine.

  GONE CAMPING:  Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.

  EATING IN:  Intravenous feeding.

  BORDEAUX:  Urine with blood in it.

  SCRATCH AND SNIFF:  A gynecological examination.

  ANGEL LUST:  A male cadaver with an erection.

  HIT AND RUN: The act of operating quickly so as not to be late for  another
    engagement.

  CAPTAIN KANGAROO:  Chairman of a pediatrics department.

  ROOTERS: Indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in
    order to be entertained by legitimate cases.

  SHORT-ORDER-CHEFS:  Morgue workers.

  LOOP THE LOOP: Flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines.

  BUGS IN THE RUG:  Pubic lice.

  HEY DOCS: Alcoholics  handcuffed to wheelchairs  in big-city medical  wards
    who, at the sight of a white coat, bleat out in chorus, "Hey, Doc!"

  BLOWN MIND:  Gunshot wound to the head.

  BOOGIE, GOOBER:  A tumor.

  THE DEEP FRY:  Cobalt therapy.

  ROASTED GOOBER:  A tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.

  HEALTHY GOOBER:  A dead patient.

  BURY THE  HATCHET:  Accidently  leaving  a  surgical  instrument  inside  a
    patient.

  BOTTLE RETURN: Removal of a bottle that is vacuum-jammed in the anal canal,
    usually of a homosexual.

  SILVER GOOSE, SILVER STALLION:  Proctoscope.

  SQUASH:  Brain.

  GAS PASSER:  Anesthesiologist.

  CRISPY CRITTUR:  A patient with severe burns.
