
                     Subject: Diary of an AOL user
   
   
   july 18- i just tried to connect to america online, which I've heard
   is the best online service I can get. i can't connect, i dont know
   what is wrong.
   
   july 19- some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
   modem. i dont see why. hes just trying to cheat me. how dumb does he
   think i am?
   
   july 20- i bought the modem. i couldnt figure out where it goes. it
   wouldnt fit in the moniter or the printer. im confused.
   
   july 21- i finally got the modem in and hooked up. that three year old
   next door did it for me.
   
   july 22- that three year old kid next door hooked me up to america
   online for me. hes so smart.
   
   july 23- whats the internet? i thought i was on america online, not
   this internet thingy. im confused.
   
   july 24- the three year old kid next door showed me how to use this
   america online stuff. he must be a genius, at least compared to me.
   
   july 25- i tried to use chat today. i tried to talk into my computer
   but nothing happened. maybe i need to buy a microphone.
   
   july 26- i found this thingy called usenet. i got out of it because im
   connected to america online, not usenet. i went to the doctor today
   for my regular checkup. he says that since i connected to america
   online, my brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.
   
   july 27- these people in this usenet thingy keep using capital
   letters. how do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital
   letters. maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
   
   july 28- i found this thingy called the usenet oracle. it says that it
   can answer any questions i ask it. i asked it 44 seperate questions
   about the internet. i hope it responds soon.
   
   july 29- i found a group called rec.humor. i decided to post this joke
   about why the chicken crossed the road. to get to the other side! ha
   ha! i wasn't sure if i posted it right so i posted it 56 more times.
   
   july 30- i keep hearing about the world wide web. i didnt know spiders
   grew that large.
   
   july 31- the oracle responded to my questions today. geez, it was
   rude. i was so angry that i posted an angry message about it to
   rec.humor.oracle.d. i wasn't sure if it posted right so i posted it 22
   more times.
   
   august 1- someone told me to read the faq. geez, they didn't have to
   use profanity.
   
   august 2- i just read this post called make money fast. im so exited,
   im going to make lots of money. i followed his instructions and posted
   it to every newsgroup i could find.
   
   august 3- i just made my signature file. its only 6 pages long, so i
   will have to work on it some more.
   
   august 4- i just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. i read a few
   posts and i really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of
   the earth. i wonder what an "aol" is, however.
   
   august 5- i was asking where to find some information about something.
   some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. ive looked and looked,
   but i cant find that group.
   
   august 6- some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. i
   told him i don't have an account at his bank. hes so dumb.

