
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "I'm very angry with the way things
are going on earth --- this is not what I had in mind!  I have accordingly
decided to destroy it and start over!  In 6 months I'm going to make it
rain until the whole earth is covered with water just like before, and all
the evil is destroyed: if not, I will wring it out like an old sponge.  But 
rather than start from scratch, I'm still considering saving the few good
people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.  So I'm ordering
you to build an Ark for this purpose.

And with a flash of lightning the Lord delivered the specs for an Ark.

"Yes Lord!" said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

"Don't forget!" thundered God's voice, "In 6 months it starts to rain!
You'd better have that Ark built or learn to tread water indefinitely!".

Six months passed.  The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.

The Lord saw that "Noah" was just sitting out in his yard in the rain
weeping.  There was no sign of an Ark.  "Noah!" shouted the Lord through
the thunder and lightning, "Where is my Ark?!"

A sobbing Noah answered, "Lord please forgive me!  I did my best, but
there were BIG problems.  First I had to get a Building Permit for the
Ark, and your plans didn't meet code.  So I had to hire an engineer to
redraw the plans.

You know how that goes.  Then there was a huge upset about whether or
not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.  My neighbors objected, claiming
I was violating zoning by building an Ark in my front yard, so I had to
get a variance from the city council.  Then I couldn't get enough wood for
the Ark because some earth-sanctifying organizations have instigated a ban
on cutting trees in order to save the spotted numbat.  I had to convince
the Department of Conservation and Land Management that I needed the wood
so I could save the numbats; it was the only way out.  But then they
wouldn't let me catch any numbats!  So, no numbats.  Then the carpenters 
formed a union and went out on strike.  I had to negotiate a settlement 
with the Industrial Relations Commission before anyone would pick up a saw 
or hammer.  Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, but how am I to pay 
them?  And still no numbats."

"When I realized the building of the Ark was stalled, I thought I could
at least start gathering up pairs of animals, but I promptly got sued by
an animal rights group.  They insisted if the threat was real I had to
save ALL the animals, not just one pair of each.  I just got that suit dismissed
when the EPA notified me I couldn't use the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.  They didn't take
kindly to the idea that they have no jurisdiction over the conduct of a
Supreme Being none ofthem personally know to exist."

"Then the Royal Australian Army wanted a map of the proposed new flood
plain.  I sent them a globe.  They returned it with a note: "As any fool
can see, water will NOT adhere to a round globe, it will fall off."

"Right now I'm trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire.
Most of them are involved in some kind of uprising.  In the meantime,
the IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes
by leaving the country, and I just received a nasty notice from some state
agency about owing them some kind of use tax."

"I really don't see any way I can finish your Ark for at least another
five years!" Noah wailed.  "Dear God, do you have a solution?"

Suddenly the sky cleared!  The sun came out!  A rainbow arched across
the heavens!  Noah looked up and sighed with relief.  "You mean you're
not going to destroy the earth after all?"

"No" replied the Lord, "the government is doing it just fine without
any help from Me."

...AMEN!

