

 Collection of One-Liners
                                
                                Programmers get overlaid.
                                
                                People with narrow minds usually have broad 
                                tongues.
                                
                                If practice makes perfect, and nobody's 
                                perfect, why practice?
                                
                                He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
                                
                                Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
                                
                                He who hesitates is last.
                                
                                A man's house is his hassle.
                                
                                A chicken is an egg's way of producing more 
                                eggs.
                                
                                Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more.
                                 What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
                                
                                Reality is for people who can't face science 
                                fiction.
                                
                                Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in,
                                mask out,
                                BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
                                                                
                                                                Wernher von 
                                                                Braun settled 
                                                                for a V-2 when 
                                                                he coulda had 
                                                                a V-8.
                                                                
                                                                A mouse is an 
                                                                elephant built 
                                                                by the 
                                                                Japanese.
                                                                
                                                                Go climb a 
                                                                gravity well.
                                                                
                                                                A man's best 
                                                                friend is his 
                                                                dogma.
                                                                
                                                                A penny saved 
                                                                is ridiculous.
                                                                
                                                                Health is 
                                                                merely the 
                                                                slowest 
                                                                possible rate 
                                                                at which one 
                                                                can die.
                                                                
                                                                Every 
                                                                interesting 
                                                                program has at 
                                                                least one 
                                                                variable, one 
                                                                branch,
                                                                   and one 
                                                                loop.......... 
                                                                And at least 
                                                                one bug!
                                                                
                                                                No problem is 
                                                                so formidable 
                                                                that you can't 
                                                                just walk away 
                                                                from it.
                                                                
                                                                Chemistry 
                                                                professors 
                                                                never die, 
                                                                they just 
                                                                smell that way!
                                                                
                                                                The problem 
                                                                with the gene 
                                                                pool is that 
                                                                there is no 
                                                                lifeguard.
                                                                
                                                                Schizophrenia 
                                                                beats being 
                                                                alone.
                                                                
                                                                To err is 
                                                                human, to 
                                                                forgive is 
                                                                against 
                                                                company policy.
                                                                
                                                                Jesus Saves
                                                                 Vishnu 
                                                                invests.
                                                                
                                                                If you have 
                                                                nothing to do, 
                                                                don't do it 
                                                                here.
                                                                
                                                                Old musicians 
                                                                never die, 
                                                                they just 
                                                                decompose.
                                                                
                                                                We have a 
                                                                equal 
                                                                opportunity 
                                                                Calculus class 
                                                                -- it's fully 
                                                                integrated.
                                                                
                                                                Never play 
                                                                leapfrog with 
                                                                a unicorn!
                                                                
                                                                Atheism is a 
                                                                non-prophet 
                                                                organization.
                                                                
                                                                An elephant is 
                                                                a mouse built 
                                                                to Mil-spec.
                                                                
                                                                He who always 
                                                                plows a 
                                                                straight 
                                                                furrow is in a 
                                                                rut.
                                                                
                                                                When you're up 
                                                                to your hips 
                                                                in alligators,
                                                                  You forget 
                                                                the original 
                                                                project was to 
                                                                drain the 
                                                                swamp.
                                                                
                                                                Everyone is 
                                                                entitled to my 
                                                                opinion.
                                                                
                                                                Help stamp out 
                                                                and abolish 
                                                                redundancy!
                                                                
                                                                Be a better 
                                                                psychiatrist 
                                                                and the world 
                                                                will beat
                                                                 a psychopath 
                                                                to your door.
                                                                
                                                                He who steps 
                                                                on others to 
                                                                reach the top 
                                                                has good 
                                                                balance.
                                                                
                                                                You scratch my 
                                                                tape, and I'll 
                                                                scratch yours.
                                                                
                                                                May all your 
                                                                PUSHes be 
                                                                POPed.
                                                                
                                                                COLE's LAW  -  
                                                                Thinly sliced 
                                                                cabbage.
                                                                
                                                                Do married 
                                                                women make the 
                                                                best wives?
                                                                
                                                                Three can keep 
                                                                a secret, if 
                                                                two are dead.
                                                                
                                                                Morfy's law - 
                                                                Enythink thit 
                                                                ken go rong 
                                                                willl.
                                                                
                                                                Then there was 
                                                                the Formosan 
                                                                bartender 
                                                                named Taiwan-
                                                                On.
                                                                
                                                                He who laughs 
                                                                last is 
                                                                probably your 
                                                                boss.
                                                                
                                                                Orcs really 
                                                                aren't so bad
                                                                (if you use 
                                                                         lots
                                                                                         of
                                                                                                catsp)
                                                                                                .
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                It 
                                                                                                is 
                                                                                                hard
                                                                                                to 
                                                                                                fly                                                                                                 with
                                                                                                the                                                                                                 eagls
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                When
                                                                                                you                                                                                                 work
                                                                                                with
                                                                                               the
                                                                                                turkys.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                Basi 
                                                                                                is 
                                                                                                a 
                                                                                                high
                                                                                                leve 
                                                                                                langish.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                Pruns 
                                                                                                give
                                                                                                you                                                                                                 a 
                                                                                                run                                                                                                 for                                                                                                 your
                                                                                                mone.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                Eat                                                                                                 prun 
                                                                                                yogut 
                                                                                                for                                                                                                 that
                                                                                                "get
                                                                                                up 
                                                                                                and                                                                                                 go"                                                                                                 feelng.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                More
                                                                                                peope 
                                                                                                have
                                                                                                died
                                                                                                in 
                                                                                                Tedd 
                                                                                                Kenndy's 
                                                                                                car                                                                                                 than                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                in 
                                                                                                nuclar 
                                                                                                powe 
                                                                                                plans.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                Teacers 
                                                                                                have
                                                                                                clas.
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                Foun 
                                                                                                on 
                                                                                                a 
                                                                                                door
                                                                                                in 
                                                                                                the                                                                                                 MSU                                                                                                 musi 
                                                                                                builing:
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                
                                                                                                This
                                                                                                door
                                                                                                is 
                                                                                                barouen,
                                                                                                
                                                                                                pleae 
                                                                                                wigge 
                                                                                                Handl.
                                                                                                
(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)

Physicists get hadrons.

Female programmers get their bits twiddled.
      
Constants aren't;  variables don't.

You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.

Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.

Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.

Mobius strippers never show you their back side.

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.

On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise:
 "Where no man has gone before"

Celibacy is NOT hereditary.

On a clear disk you can seek forever.
      
Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Neuroses are red,
      Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
      What are you?

Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;
   Open it and you remove all doubt.

Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"

Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.

Money is the root of all wealth.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Remember, the fact that you're paranoid
      doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!

Men have many faults,
   Women only two:
   Everything they say,
And everything they do!

Happiness is twin floppies.

Happiness is a hard disk.

Teamwork is vital!
  (It gives you someone to blame.)

Keep America Beautiful....  emigrate.

If all men were brothers,
     would you let one marry your sister?

Chemists really know their bismuth.

If everything is coming your way,
   you're in the wrong lane!

The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he
   sweeps on to the grand fallacy.

Documentation is the castor oil of programming ...
   Managers know it must be good because the programmers
   hate it so much.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its
   capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.

The bearing of a child takes nine months,
   no matter how many women are assigned to the project.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

Eschew Obfuscation!

Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?

Recursive, adj.; see Recursive

An expert is someone from out of town.

Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.

Poverty begins at home.

Do it today,
 Tomorrow it will be illegal.

Postmen never die,
   they just lose their zip.

Rubber bands have snappy endings!

COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
      
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.

It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.

Whom computers would destroy,
   they must first drive insane.

It's better to copulate than never!

A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.

Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.

Clones are people two.

Microwaves frizz your heir.

God did not create the world in seven days.
    He partied for six and then pulled an all-nighter.

When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.

To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and
     Incommode You".

Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.

We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.

Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy!

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.

Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

There's no future in time travel.

Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

Confucious say too damn much!

Reality does not exist - yet.

Sentient plasmoids are a gas.

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.

Never leave anything to chance;
      make sure all your crimes are premeditated.

Small programs are for small minds.

I BM.  You BM.e all BM for IBM!
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Satyrs 
                                                                                       have 
                                                                                       more 
                                                                                       faun.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Cobol 
                                                                                       programmers 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       down 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       dumps.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Lawyers 
                                                                                       do 
                                                                                       it 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       their 
                                                                                       briefs.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Two 
                                                                                       can 
                                                                                       live 
                                                                                       as 
                                                                                       cheaply 
                                                                                       as 
                                                                                       one,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       half 
                                                                                       as 
                                                                                       long.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Things 
                                                                                       worth 
                                                                                       having 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       worth 
                                                                                       cheating 
                                                                                       for.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Psychiatrists
                                                                                       stay 
                                                                                       on 
                                                                                       your 
                                                                                       mind.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Mrs.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Ghandi 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       sari 
                                                                                       state.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Raise 
                                                                                       ducks 
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       quack 
                                                                                       profit.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Part-
                                                                                       time 
                                                                                       musicians 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       semiconductor.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       It 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       impossible 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       make 
                                                                                       anything 
                                                                                       foolproof
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       because 
                                                                                       fools 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       so 
                                                                                       ingenious.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Interchangeabe 
                                                                                       parts 
                                                                                       won't.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       A 
                                                                                       conclusion 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       simply 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       place 
                                                                                       where 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       got 
                                                                                       tired 
                                                                                       of 
                                                                                       thinking.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       In 
                                                                                       which 
                                                                                       level 
                                                                                       of 
                                                                                       metalanguage                                                                                        are 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       now 
                                                                                       speaking?
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Counting 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       octal 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       just 
                                                                                       like 
                                                                                       counting 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       decimal,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       if 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       don't 
                                                                                       use 
                                                                                       your 
                                                                                       thumbs.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Counting 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       binary 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       just 
                                                                                       like 
                                                                                       counting 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       decimal,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       if 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       all 
                                                                                       thumbs.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       We 
                                                                                       don't 
                                                                                       really 
                                                                                       understand 
                                                                                       it,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       so 
                                                                                       we'll 
                                                                                       give 
                                                                                       it 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       programmers.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Confession 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       good 
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       soul,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       but 
                                                                                       bad 
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       your 
                                                                                       career.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       The 
                                                                                       concept 
                                                                                       seems 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       be 
                                                                                       clear 
                                                                                       by 
                                                                                       now.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       It 
                                                                                       has 
                                                                                       been 
                                                                                       defined
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       several 
                                                                                       times 
                                                                                       by 
                                                                                       example 
                                                                                       of 
                                                                                       what 
                                                                                       it 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       not.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       APL 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       write 
                                                                                       only 
                                                                                       language:
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       You 
                                                                                       can 
                                                                                       write 
                                                                                       programs 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       it; 
                                                                                       
                                                                                       but 
                                                                                       try 
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       read 
                                                                                       them!
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Wisdom 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       knowing 
                                                                                       what 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       do 
                                                                                       with 
                                                                                       what 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       know.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Never 
                                                                                       put 
                                                                                       off 
                                                                                       'til 
                                                                                       tomorrow 
                                                                                       what 
                                                                                       you 
                                                                                       can 
                                                                                       avoid 
                                                                                       altogether.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       He 
                                                                                       who 
                                                                                       puts 
                                                                                       his 
                                                                                       nose 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       grindstone 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       bloody 
                                                                                       fool.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       The 
                                                                                       devil 
                                                                                       finds 
                                                                                       work 
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       idle 
                                                                                       glands.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       A 
                                                                                       friend 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       need 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       pest 
                                                                                       indeed.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Genius 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       ten 
                                                                                       percent 
                                                                                       inspiration 
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       fifty 
                                                                                       percent 
                                                                                       capital 
                                                                                       gains.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       He 
                                                                                       who 
                                                                                       trains 
                                                                                       his 
                                                                                       tongue 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       quote 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       learned 
                                                                                       sages
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       will 
                                                                                       be 
                                                                                       known,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       far 
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       wide,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       as 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       smart-
                                                                                       ass.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Two 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       company,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       three 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       an 
                                                                                       orgy.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       He 
                                                                                       who 
                                                                                       uses 
                                                                                       bad 
                                                                                       language 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       an 
                                                                                       ignorant 
                                                                                       schmuck.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Women 
                                                                                       should 
                                                                                       be 
                                                                                       obscene 
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       not 
                                                                                       heard.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Do 
                                                                                       unto 
                                                                                       others 
                                                                                       before 
                                                                                       they 
                                                                                       undo 
                                                                                       you.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Love 
                                                                                       thy 
                                                                                       neighbor,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       but 
                                                                                       make 
                                                                                       sure 
                                                                                       her 
                                                                                       husband 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       away 
                                                                                       first!
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Money 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       root 
                                                                                       of 
                                                                                       all 
                                                                                       evil,
                                                                                       
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       man 
                                                                                       needs 
                                                                                       roots.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       The 
                                                                                       best 
                                                                                       things 
                                                                                       in 
                                                                                       life 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       for 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       fee.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       He 
                                                                                       who 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       flogged 
                                                                                       by 
                                                                                       fate 
                                                                                       and 
                                                                                       laughs 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       louder 
                                                                                       is 
                                                                                       a 
                                                                                       masochist.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       If 
                                                                                       all 
                                                                                       the 
                                                                                       girls 
                                                                                       at 
                                                                                       Vassar 
                                                                                       were 
                                                                                       laid 
                                                                                       end 
                                                                                       to 
                                                                                       end
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       I 
                                                                                       wouldn't 
                                                                                       be 
                                                                                       suprised!
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Pilots 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       just 
                                                                                       plane 
                                                                                       folks.
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       
                                                                                       Carpenters 
                                                                                       are 
                                                                                       just 
                                                                                       plane 
                                                                                       folks.
                                                                                       
                                                                                                                      Midwest 
                                                                                                                      farmers 
                                                                                                                      are 
                                                                                                                      just 
                                                                                                                      plain 
                                                                                                                      folks.
                                                                                                                      
Musicians are just playin' folks.
      Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
  Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.

You can fool some of the people all of the time,
     and all of the people some of the time,
     but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.

Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.

Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Be alert,  America needs more lerts.

Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.

No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.

Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.

Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.

Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.

Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.

Smile! Things can only get worse.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.

There are two kinds of people in this world:
     Those that want to BE something,
     and those that want to DO something.
     (There is less competition in the second category.)

Vice Versa - poems about brothels?

Give a woman an inch  and she'll park a car in it.

Give a speculator an inch  and he'll build a condo.



Call the Visionary's Hide-Away! ({->




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