
<From: TKENNETT@BENTLEY.EDU>

                  Getting to Know Your Computer
                A Short Glossary of Computer Terms
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Analog          Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with
                crushed nuts.
Back-up         Current data errors that have been saved for future use.
                See Database Back-up or File Back-up.
Binary          Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Bit             12 1/2 cents ($.125).
Buffer          Programmer who works in the nude.
Bug             Any type of insect.
Byte            Painful wound inflicted by dogs, snakes, children etc.
Coding          An addictive drug.
Compile         A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
Computer        A device used to speed and automate errors.
Control Character       Any person who has money to spend for any reason.
Crash           A Normal Termination.
Cursor          An Expert in four-letter words.
Database        A special medium used to store errors, so that they can be
                processed and printed many times by the computer system.
                Sometimes called Input File or Data file.
Debugging       Activities necessary to remove insects from any area where
                they are not wanted.
Diskette        A mobile accessory to transsfer and to store errors.
Downtime        The time in which the computer rests while you sink into
                the lower depths of depression.
                (Downtime typically takes place while you are in the middle
                of your most important work on the computer.).
Drive           A hardware part were errors are loaded from diskettes.
                The moment the drive's led is on can be described as the
                computer's orgasm.(the noise indicate it too!)
Errors          The normal result of running a computer system.
Hardcoded       Computer program code that has been allowed to dry.
Hardware        1. Boots, leather, studs, spikes and such.
                2. The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
Keyboard        An instrument used for entering errors into the system
                quickly.
Logic           Orderly path always followed by programs & errors.
Loop            See Loop.
Maintenance     Activities necessary to ensure that the system continues
                to produce errors and delay work efficiently.
Never-Never Land        1. Place where no one grows up.
                        2. Place where programs love to go.
                        -It is also called the Twilight Zone
Password        The nonsense word taped to your terminal.
Printer         A device that prints computer errors on paper.
RAM             A male sheep.
Reset           A button located on the computer's body,which make easier the
                "trip" of the programs to the Never-never land.
                It is conssidered as the only way of avoiding errors.
ROM             1. A Ram after a delicate operation.
                2. What programs do in Never-Never Land.
Screen          The part of the computer where the errors are seen for the
                first time. It is also the part programmers love to break the
                most.The most inginous and smart feature of the Screen is that
                it can be turned off.
Software        1. Silk nighties, nylons, teddies etc.
                2. Parts of computer that can not be kicked.
Sometime        Those occasions when a computer error message can be
                interpreted and understood.
Security        A feature of computer system access which helps prevent
                the mis-use (or proper use) of the system.
Table-Lookup    A piece of furniture that has been attached to the
                ceiling.
Turbo           A mode in which the computer compiles the errors faster. It
                sometimes may help the programs to reach the NeverNever land.
Uptime          The time in which a computer works & produces errors quickly
                and efficiently.
