D A T A   P R O C E S S I N G   D E F I N I T I O N S



ACCESS TIME- THE TIME BETWEEN THE INSTANT AT WHICH INFORMATION IS CALLED FOR,
             AND THE INSTANT AT WHICH MANAGEMENT EXPECTS THE FINAL REPORT.

ASSEMBLER- ONE WHO DROPS HIS CARD DECK.

BIT- THE INCREMENT BY WHICH PROGRAMMERS SLOWLY GO MAD.

BREAKPOINT- THE POINT AT WHICH PROGRAMMER INCREMENTS PAST LAST BIT AVAILABLE.

CHAINING- A METHOD OF ATTACHING PROGRAMMERS TO DESK, TO SPEED UP OUTPUT.

CHECKPOINT- THE LOCATION FROM WHICH A PROGRAMMER DRAWS HIS SALARY.

CORE STORAGE- A RECEPTACLE FOR THE CENTER SECTION OF APPLES.

COUNTER- AN AREA OVER WHICH MARTINI'S ARE SERVED.

CRASH- WHAT A DETACHED (Q.V.) PROGRAMMER WOULD DEARLY LOVE TO DO, FOR AT LEAST
       EIGHT HOURS.

DEFAULT- DE LINE WEST OF WHICH DE STATE OF CALIFORNIA WILL FLOAT OFF TO SEA AT
         DE NEXT MAJOR QUAKE.

DETACHED- WHAT PROGRAMMER BECOMES AFTER THIRD DAY WITHOUT SLEEP.

DEVICE- MEDIEVAL TORTURE INSTRUMENT SUCH AS THUMBSCREW, IRON MAIDEN.

DISKETTES- A GROUP RECENTLY FORMED FROM OLD MEMBERS OF THE ROCKETTES.

DOCUMENTATION- A MANUAL WHICH TELLS YOU HOW TO USE A PROGRAM, SYSTEM, OR
               UTILITY ONE VERSION AGO, AND WHICH IS NOW UNSUPPORTED.

ERROR- WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS MADE WHEN THEY DISAGREE WITH YOUR COMPUTER OUTPUT.

EXTERNAL STORAGE- WASTEBASKET

FIXED WORD LENGTH- FOUR LETTER WORD USED BY PROGRAMMERS IN A STATE OF CONFUSION.

FLOATING CONTROL- CHARACTERISTIC EXHIBITED WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM,
                  BUT CAN'T LEAVE THE COMPUTER.

FLOATING POINT- THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT BEFORE FLOATING CONTROL IS LOST.

HARDWARE- NUTS, BOLTS, AND CIRCUIT BOARDS "LEFT OVER" AFTER REPAIRMAN HAS
          REASSEMBLED CPU.

HOST- PERSON WHO INSISTS ON KEEPING VISITING PROGRAMMER UP UNTIL 4 AM WITH
      TRIVIA.

I/O DEVICE- NOTE YOU SIGN FOR THE BANK IN/ORDER TO GET LOAN FOR NEW (OLD) CAR.

LIBRARY- AN ORGANIZED COLLECTION OF OBSOLETE MATERIAL.

LOAD- WHAT YOU DUMP AFTER REACHING FLOATING POINT.

LOW ORDER POSITION- THE PROGRAMMER'S LOCATION IN THE CHAIN OF COMMAND.

MAINFRAME- PRIMARY PERSON WHO JUST GOT SET UP FOR THE BLAME OF THE SYSTEM CRASH.

MICROSECOND- AMOUNT OF TIME NEEDED FOR A PROGRAM TO BOMB.

MONITOR- SHIP THAT FOUGHT THE MERRIMAC.

NANOSECOND- MEASURE OF TIME ON MORK'S PLANET ORK.

OFF-LINE- UNCHARITABLE REMARKS PROGRAMMER MAKES TO WIFE OR HUSBAND UPON BEING
          PHONED AT 9PM TO COME IN BECAUSE SYSTEM JUST CRASHED.

ON-LINE- PROGRAMMER TRYING TO DEAL RATIONALLY ON PHONE WITH MANAGEMENT AT 9PM.

PERIPHERAL- NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T...

PRINTOUT- A DOCUMENT TO VERIFY DATA YOU KNOW IS WRONG ANYWAY.

PROGRAMMER- RED EYED MUMBLING MAMMAL, CAPABLE OF COMMUNICATING WITH INANIMATE
            OBJECTS.

SOURCE FILE- ONE WHICH WAS "APPROPRIATED" FROM ONE OF THE COMPETITORS.

SWITCH- WHEN MANAGEMENT CHANGES ITS MIND.

TERMINAL- CONDITION OF DETACHED PROGRAMMER THREE DAYS FURTHER ALONG.


