                
File   : APTEL90.TXT                
Author : Iceman(NZ)
BBS    : The Banana Republic BBS
                
                
                Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '90
                ================================================
                
    This document describes Applied Telecommunications' trip to Computing '90
and the various events that occurred there.  After the success of our trip last
year (see the file APTEL89.TXT) it was decided to mount an even larger
expedition this year.....and now read on....

The Crew:
=========

Name:                   Position / Company              A.k.a.

Eddie Van Halen         SNJ                             QZM
<Censored>              SNJ                             Hexen Hammer
The Cookie Monster      - / Nibbles and Bytes           Hexen Hammer
Dr.Dobbs                SNJ                             Turbo Scuzzy
Hugh Lette-Packard      Disk Drive Controller / E.M.Pty The Iceman
The Iceman              Consultant to the BR            The Iceman
E.N.Iac                 SNJ                             Cuzzin It/Rastaman Ja
El Prez                 Sysop of the BR                 El Prez
Bat Bastard             Consultant to the BR            Bat bastard
<Censored>              <Censored>                      Mack the Knife

  Note that those people listed twice later re-registered under another name.
  Also, various other people for one reason or another used their real names.
   
Preamble:
=========

    At 9:30 almost 90% of the staff of Applied Telecommunications appeared as
if by magic in the Computer Lab at Auckland University, ostensibly to attend a
business meeting for a company somehow related to Applied Telecommunications in
an undefinable manner.  Many of them had dressed especially for the occasion:
QZM wore a long coat with seemingly bottomless pockets, ideal for storing free
samples of products; the Rastaman wore a stylish black jacket over which he
draped his slightly less stylish "Cuzzin It" hair; and the Iceman (for the
first time in living history) actually wore shoes (however he offset this
slightly by wearing a "Kentucky Fried Chicken" shirt and faded jeans).  After a
relatively brief meeting consisting mainly of rude comments about a certain
brand of computer, we distributed ourselves into various cars, and sped off in
the direction of the Epsom Showgrounds, clutching business passes acquired by
various means, blank disks, copying programs, and lists of funny names to use
on the registration form.

Amble:
======

    Upon arriving at the venue and stowing vast quantities of materiel into the
enormous pockets of QZM's coat, we approached the foyer of the Michael Fowler
centre, only to discover with horror that our business passes were worthless -
there were stacks of them lying around for anyone to use.  Even more mysterious
was the presence of a number of unattended terminals, apparently for
"do-it-yourself" registration.  Presumably this was done as a cost-cutting
measure and to speed up what has previously been something of a bottleneck;
however this may not be done again next year due to its abuse by a number of
irresponsible hoons who entered all sorts of ridiculous names and companies
into the system.
    After typing in our names, addresses, phone numbers, computer systems, date
of birth, and mother's maiden name, we proceeded into the hall, immediately
launching into the annual "see-who-can-collect-the-most-business-cards"
competition, coupled with a souvenir-gathering blitz that would have put a
major crimewave to shame.  The main competition was between the Iceman and
Rastaman Ja, who were determined to outdo each other in the volume of their
"acquisitions".  At around the same time, Eddie van Halen, wearing a Roland
synthesizer shirt and standing in front of a keyboard trying to play it, was
asked by a salesman if he was sure he knew what he was doing.  Shortly
afterwards, he was seen engaged in conversation with an ernest-looking
gentleman of Dutch descent wanting to know which part of Holland he came from.
    At around 2:30, the contingent from the esteemed Banana Republic BBS
arrived, and El Presidente, the sysop, immediately handed out BR stickers to
all present.  At this point also several people underwent name changes as they
assumed their BR identities (it is also rumoured that some people underwent sex
changes as well, however Mack the Knife has vigorously denied these
allegations).  Now it was time to witness, once again, that most amazing of
things, the Presidential Souvenir-Gathering Manoeuver.  This involved wandering
up to a booth, engaging the salespeople there in conversation for a few
minutes, then calmly opening a large bag and, in one grand motion, sweeping the
entire contents of the table in front of the booth into it.  This technique
really had to be seen to be believed.
    Shortly thereafter the Iceman located an unattended Exhibitors Pass lying
next to a Wang system, but despite all attempts to acquite it he was repeatedly
foiled by the eagle-eyed salesman hovering around the stand.  However, he later
relieved the Number One Software stand of one of these prizes while the staff
were busy discussing the merits of the Jaffas they were supposed to be
distributing in a quiet corner.  Rumour has it that Mack the Knife also
acquired one of these treasured items at the close of the exhibition, along
with an enamelled chart of the show LAN, and miscellaneous other paraphernalia.
    A place of interest at the show was the NZ Micro stand, where at some time
during the event nearly every sysop in Auckland turned up, both those of the
more legitimate BBS's, and those of "other" BBS's (most of them members of the
Applied Telecommunications group).  In fact, there was such a strong Aptel
showing this year that salesmen at various stands recognised the company as
soon as they read out nametags.
    However, all good times must come to an end, and so we bid farewell to the
hackers social event of the year (excluding the world-famous Banana Republic
party), and with hearts heavy and pockets bulging with small mementos of the
show, we quietly set out homewards once again ("Do you think we could blow
their tires if we turn the volume up far enough?").

      --- Watch out for Applied Telecommunications at Computing '91 ---
                        (And lock up your valuables)      
                                                            The Iceman.
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AUTHOR : Iceman(NZ)
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Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
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