
       The Semi-Complete Canatonical List of Mommy, Mommy! Jokes
       ---------------------------------------------------------

son: Mommy, Mommy!  I don't like Sis!
mom: Shut up, and keep eating!

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy!  Why is daddy running away?
mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to go to England.
mom: Shut up and keep swimming.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see daddy again.
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!
mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!

son: Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!
mom: Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea
     soup!
mom: Keep quiet and eat what is on the table or do you think
     I pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve?

son: Mommy, Mommy, I wanted to lick the bowl this time.
mom: Shaddup and flush.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.
mom: Shaddup and deal.

son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
mom: Shut up Albert....

son: Mommy, Mommy!  I don't like this spaghetti!
mom: Shutup or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!

son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.

son: Mummy, Mummy, what's for dinner?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big
     head?
mom: Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of
     potatoes at the store.

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a long
     nose?
mom: You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the
     floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy, what's a vampire?
mom: Shut up, kid, and drink your soup before it clots!

son: Mommy, Mommy, what's a werewolf?
mom: Shut up, kid, and go comb your face

son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
mom: Shut up and get back in the sack!

son: Mommy, Mommy, Why has daddy got his Knob in the bread
     bin?
mom: Ignore him son, He's fucking crackers!

son: Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I can't?
mom: Shutup or I'll cut your ears off too!

son: Mommy, mommy, I don't want any more hamburger!
mom: Shut up and stick your arms back into the meat grinder.

son: Mummy, Mummy, I don't like grandma.
mom: Well leave her on the side of your plate then.

son: Mommy, Mommy, Auntie threw up and Sis is getting all of
     the BIG pieces!

son: Mommy, Mommy, don't push to the elevator
     shAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!

son: Mommy, Mommy, are you sure this is the right way to cook
     Beijing Duck?"
mom: Shuddup and close the microvawe oven door behind you!

son: Mommy, mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?
mom: Shut up kid and help me get granny off the doorknob.

son: Mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?
mom: I don't know dear, ask your father.

daughter: Daddy daddy what is queer?
dad: Shuddap and unhook my bra.

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like
          Daddy's between my legs?
mom: You will when you're older, dear!



