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=  F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.  =
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                            St00pid Thangs Part 2
                            ---------------------

        This is a compilation of great things people have said
in retail stores. Until recently, I worked in a couple of computer
stores and constantly dealt with the following types of questions. 
Needless to say, I almost lost my job due to laughing at people
several times. Some of these were collected by Demonika who also
gets the pleasure of detailing with chimps and morons.



"Do you have Nokia battery destroyers?"
-Wonder if they meant battery eliminators? Maybe I should have offered
 them the use of the store trash compactor.

"Does Toshiba have anything to do with Packard Bell?"
-You know how Toshiba and Packard Bell both sound like Japanese 
 companies

"I'm looking for a double speed modem"
-On top of that, this guy insisted for 10 minutes that his terminology
 was right.

"Can I just buy a CPU.? Do I need the monitor?"
-Uh yeah, just jack into the vga port with your hand.

-Talking about viewing gif files..
-"Do I need a video card or something?"

-Talking about AOL service
-"Im on the internet" .. "getting gifs"
-AOL is the internet now?

-Talking about Memory Upgrades
-"I have 4 'ARE AYE EMMs' on my mainframe"

-Wanting to return a set of speakers..
-"Well, I didn't know my car had speakers"

"What kind of video card do you have?"
"Sound Blaster 16"

-This lady knew enough about computers to call a 3.5 disk a 'floppy'
 but needed to ask:
-"Can I save stuff on a floppy?"

Guy who NEVER used windows in his 12 years of computer use..
"Can I get to dos from windows?"

Person holds up a car adaptor for a cell phone, with the lighter plug
up and says: "I can't fit this into my cell phone"

=-=

Demonika had a great time with these:

Man - "I bought my phone (cell) from your store, got service on it
        and now I have it at home. What I was wondering was 'can I 
        just turn it on and use it now? What do I have to do?'"
Dem- "Sir, of course, you have service, therefore you can use the phone."
Man- "But how do I do that? Do I talk to it? Do I have to press any buttons
     or anything?"
Dem- "Yup, you have to turn it on, put the number in you want to call and
        press send."
Man- (excitedly) "Oh thank you so much, I had no idea how to do it!"


A woman comes up brandishing a power extension cord in her hand.
Her- "I was told to buy an extension cord for my modem, but I have no
     idea where to plug it in"
Dem- "Is your modem outside or inside your computer?"
Her- She points to a packard bell and states "I have one of those."
Dem- "You have no need of a power extension cord"
Her- "How do I plug it in?"
Dem- "Use your phone jack, you need a phone extension cord!"
From here she couldn't comprehend what to do, what a modem was for, etc.
She had to be shown where to plug the phone line into on the back of 
her computer, and she still didn't realize this was a 'phone/modem'.

=-=
A friend of mine is a college professor and teachs basic comp sci courses.
Fundamentals of computer hardware etc. These are some questions and
answers from one of his tests.

What CPU was in the original IBM PC? ___EGA____

How fast would a chip labeled "MB81256-10" be? ___Motherboard___

What does ROM stand for? ___Memory___

On my motherboard, I have 4 rows of 9 memory chips each. Each memory
chip is a 256k by 1 bit chip. How much total ram do I have? ___13___

An Intel 486DX2/66 processes information at 66mhz internally. How fast
does it communicate with the rest of the PC? ___66,000,000___

Which CPU introduced Virtual Mode? ___IBM___

What would I plug into the 15 pin high density (3 row) DB connector on
the back of my PC? ___yes___

(Those were the questions and answers.. the future system administrators
of America :)

=-=


IRC is the source of a lot of great quotes.. especially about computers.

<mburger> unix yes its a program based in doss with sveral different 
          versions and most internet providers use it as their running 
          internet program

<lamer>How do I compile bugtraq?
-Bugtraq is an electronic zine.. that is like trying to compile F.U.C.K.


#hackers     Ericholm  H   ericholm@204.30.69.158 (0 Ace)
<Ericholm> how can i get into unix things  with out a name or
                    password
> what do you mean?
<Ericholm> anyone know how to?
<Ericholm> like when it says login
<Ericholm> i dunno what to type ..my name wont work         
<Ericholm> im kinda new at this stuff too
> really?!?!!
<Ericholm> yes
<Ericholm> on the tel net thing
<Ericholm> i use procom wight now
> logon as root then guess the password
<Ericholm> know any good ftp sites
<Ericholm> with hacking shit and games???
> login guest/anonymous/ftp/warez/etc
<Ericholm> after it says login      
<Ericholm> i type all that?
> no. just one of them.
<Ericholm> ahhh be right back       heh

This must have been another 'I just saw waRg4m3s and want to be a hacker!@#'


=-= Found on a local 303 BBS =-= 
 
Talking about Windows95

> working difference I've found is a command "autowin"...it's SOOO
> amazing...it boots windows when you boot your system! Amazing, huh? The
> syntax is AUTOWIN ON or AUTOWIN OFF...it makes the beta worth
> getting...

The way this was posted indicated the guy was NOT kidding.. I hope he was. 

=-=

Thats it for now... send me your best for the next in the series...

Compiled by: DisordeR and DemonikA

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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc...   =
= Internet : jericho@netcom.com                      (Mail is welcome)    =
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= Chemical Persuasion  203.324.0894    Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455   =
= Goat Blowers Anon    215.750.0392    Hacker's Haven      303.343.4053   =
= E.L.F.        (NUP)  314.272.3426    Misery              318.625.4532   =
= Dungeon Sys. Inc.    410.263.2258    Psykodelik Images   407.834.4576   =
= Paradise Lost        414.476.3181    Black SunShine      513.891.3465   =
= Digital Fallout      516.378.6640    PSYCHOSiS           613.836.7211   =
= Bad Trip             615.870.8805         (Your board here!@#!)         =
= Plan 9               716.881.3663    Phallic Paradise    801.944.7353   =
= Purple Hell          806.791.0747    Logikal Nonsence    XXX.XXX.XXXX   =
= PuRe EViL  (NUP)     905.XXX.XXXX    The Keg             914.234.9674   =
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= Files through Anonymous FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - /pub/je/jericho/FUCK      =
=                              FTP.FC.NET - /pub/deadkat/misc/FUCK        =
=                              FTP.WINTERNET.COM - /users/craigb/fuck     =
=                              FTP.GIGA.OR.AT - /pub/hackers/zines/fuck   =
=                              ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK  =
=               http://www.ora.com:8080/johnl/e-zine-list/zines/fuck.html =
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