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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                        Torn and Damned
                        ----------------

Am I damned to be known by my handle forever?  Too scared to share my real
identity to a couple of my online friends because I am frightened at what
would happen if I ever lost them as friends.  Old friends come and go and
their email addresses seem to never stay the same throughout their time...

Friends that fire suddenly turn into Friendly fire as each one point the
finger at the other trying to discredit each and every one of them because
they don't fit a certain type.  What type am I?  I am a hacker and this is
my manifesto??  You say those words with pride but, have no idea what those
words mean or how they affect you.  You tell me you are a hacker yet you
want me to show you how to logon to your shell account? I'm pointing my
finger at you to discredit you and you point your finger at me because you
think I am too good to show you how to do something when I worked so hard
to learn it on my own.  You subscribe to 5,432 mailing lists to ask one
question.. 'How do I hack?'   I tell you to find materials in books, online,
etc..etc.. and all you can do is kick and yell because I cant tell you a
specific answer!  You say you had a hard life and you turned to your
computer for solitude and pleasure and I tell you that you turn to your
computer because your television no longer keeps you occupied.  Factory
kicks out new and improved hackers and throws away old.  Is new always
better? What about the old vintaged ones?  Why do we join hacking groups
if we don't do anything but have our names up on webpages?  What is my
purpose for being here if i'm just taking up space?  MOVE OVER i'm coming
in... there goes another hacker out of the scene he becomes allied with
the other side... a hacker catching a hacker?  WHO THE HELL IS THIS
GUY?  That is the first question you get when you come onto the scene and
it wont be the last time you hear those words!  I hate you, you hate me and
the chain goes on and on...  Who the fuck are my real friends online... do
I have any friends in real life or do they all exist on my computer screen?

I live on my computer day in and day out and what do you do? You sit on
the couch for 13 hours watching old re-runs of Beavis and Butthead and have
the nerve to come onto IRC and ask me question and you demand answers!
You fuckin' sit around your cozy Christmas tree on Christmas eve while I
buried my dead father.  But hey, was he ever there?  I, me, myself.. that's
all you ever think about!  Yes, I drink beer to take the pain away.. I often
think of my father and what he has done and what I could have done... I
think about myself and when it will be time for me to be raided and sent
to jail for the things that I have done... all the things that I have done!

I will probably die at a young age maybe by cancer or by the hands of the
bottle, that liquid substance that allows me to escape my own personal
torment and the grip that my father has on me even as a corpse.  I still
have not visited his grave because of the emotions that may be brought
up.....  I sit here hacking on my computer night after night as the dark
circles seem to multiply like rings on a tree, but for what?  What is it
that I am seeking and why do you follow...? Why does only my handle exist
and not my true identity or is my true identity my handle?  Oh father,
can you answer me???

-Modify
January 20th, 1998
mdy@sekurity.org

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