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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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              The Right, the CDA, and Wire-Mother Parenting
              ---------------------------------------------

Well, congrats to free speech and the mighty 1st.  The Communications
Decency Act (CDA) is deader than Julius Caesar for now (although these
almost mythological monsters have ways of sprouting seemingly endless new
ugly heads), and once again most of the world is safe to continue to
network, communicate, and in time, integrate.  Everything from info on
self-breast exams to Hunter S. Thompson can be freely distributed, and free
from reprisal.  Again:  Hooray.

I may not sound as enthusiastic about the victory as I am because my intent
is not to write the victory-dance for this achievement.  Instead, it's what
I read while reading an article about this victory that caught my (ire)
eye.  Dee Jepsen, president of "Enough is Enough" (file under Christian
Coalition, et al, if you're looking for the philosophy of this org), had
this to say in the July 7 issue of "Web Week":
	
"Right now, the entire burden of protecting our nation's children has been
placed solely on the shoulders of parents."

What the HELL is going on here?!?  "Boo, hoo!  You mean "I" have to watch
out for my children's well-being?  No!  Make a law!  Make it better!   You
need to make the world safe for right-minded, clean-cut, wonder-bread
baking suburbanites for me!"

Are these NOT the groups, in addition to their "everything outside the
bible is printed at satan's publishing house" attitude, that mass-produce
guilt up the wazoo about "family togetherness"?  Are these NOT the folks
that make every effort to make sure that every child conceived is brought
into the world, and that they raised in the family unit?  

Don't get me wrong here, I don't agree with things such as kiddie-porn,
pedophiles staking children in chat rooms, and the amount of wasted
bandwidth that all other forms of adult entertainment constitute.  I also
don't agree that kids should be checking out gay-bestiality-snuff .mpegs or
whatever in "Into to Basic" class in the 5th grade either.  Personally,
given the choice, I'd like to see a world that would make less of cynic of
me when I think of producing offspring at some point.  Since I'm not going
to go on a 1st Amendment coon-hunt in order to make the world a bit more
Disney, then I'm stuck with the only line of defense I have in order to
make a child turn out a notch less twisted that I am in this bitter-sweet
world:

Spend time with my kids.

Tell me if this sounds right to you:  I have kids.  I get the "All Rimjob
Channel" from my cable provider.  I let my kids watch whatever tv they want
when I'm not around.  Now, does this sound like a bunch of kids that will
grow up knowing every conceivable angle and position in which oral can be
applied to an anal orifice?  I'm pretty sure if my kids turned out to be
ass-worshipping rimjobbers working as jiz-jockeys in an all night
peep-booth in Times Square (and, in a perfect world, proctologists), I
REALLY couldn't get to far claiming the government failed to meet it's duty
in hand-holding me through the parental experience.

I'm not much in the way of a government-basher on the whole, but there are
certain things I think the government can stay out of.  When it comes to
child-rearing, short of a few brochures by the Ad Council, I don't want the
government anywhere NEAR the upbringing of my children.  

So, getting back to Ms. Jepsen's statement, what were they expecting?  Not
only do I think the idea of the "burden of protecting our nation's
children" should be "placed solely on the shoulders of parents", I never
even CONSIDERED it otherwise until I read this tripe.  While I do want
Uncle Sam to make an effort to keep dealers away from the elementary school
and making some effort to educate about STDs, it is still my job to educate
them about drugs and sex.  What am I supposed to expect?  For the
government to pre-read magazines and books for content?  To make sure every
show on broadcast tv is fit for even the most prudish of Amish viewers?  I
got two #!*@ words for you:  N and O.

Although the V-Chip raises a few hackles on the neck of
censorship-concerns, it at least has the ends-to-a-means of what I'm
talking about.  If I want to keep the Playboy or Spice channel away from my
7 year-old, then I at least welcome the ability to program it out of my tv
selection.  In a world where fiscal demands typically prevent both parents
from monitoring viewing habits, some degree of "programmable parent" is a
necessary evil.  This extends to the 'net as well.  If I want to keep
Capone Jr. out of the "alt.donkeysex" newsgroup when I'm on the commute
home, then there is software that will aid me to that end as well.

Still, there is an even better, much older, and time-proven mechanism to
prevent this as well:  Do stuff WITH your kids.  As I said, this isn't as
possible as it used to be, but when there is time, time should be made.
Not only will you be able keep gang-banging bar-rape scenes on late-night
Showtime away from your kids, you can also explain what "questionable"
material you do happen to view.

I don't care if you watch nothing but Sesame Street with your kids.  When I
was watching it as a tot, a beloved character named Mr. Hooper (time-warp
time for the X'ers here) up and dropped dead.  No matter HOW MANY chips
and ratings you install, REAL LIFE things are going to happen that NEED a
parent around to discuss.  Life, death, sex, and violence happens outside
the 'tube, and you might as well belly-up and add a moral, realistic, and
involved spin to it while you still can.

In the same disturbing trend as the CDA, the next form of legislation looks
as if will be geared towards FORCING the ISPs and online providers to
provide 'net-screening software such as SurfWatch.  This is just another
form of lazy-parent lawmaking.  As the V-Chip should be no surrogate for
parenting, neither should software.  Even more importantly, my ISP should
NOT be goose-stepped into being Mom&Dad either.  Only a
ill-prepared-for-parenthood moron would rally behind the idea that
tech-support should be parent-support as well. If my kids want to go
online, I should do it with them.  Not to be a "big brother" for content,
but to explain what they see.  Unless I want my kids to be so sheltered and
pink-skinned when they go out into the real world as adults, I need to HELP
expose them to the seedier-side of society - and I better damn well make
sure I am there with them to make sure they know right-from-wrong in the
process.

You can cast a plastic-bubble of censorship around all forms of media in
your house for all of the good it will do.  They will see it at friends^Ò
houses, on the playground, or snickering in the dark of a basement next a
duffel bag of someone's dad's collection of Penthouses for 1974.  If you
shut out this kind of material, and allow kids to discover it from their
peers, then in turn their peers become more of a parental influence than
you will EVER be.

So, to not only make my point, but to take advantage of the failure of the
CDA, let me say this:  

Fuck you, Ms. Jepsen.  

If your kids should read this, YOU should be there to explain this is a bad
word - not the Christian Coalition, not my ISP admin, and not Congress.
You should EXEPECT that at some point in their lives they will come in
contact with that word, and YOU should explain that it is an obscenity.  If
you're worried about the "burden" being on you to raise your kids, pass
them off to the orphanage now, 'cause it ain't going to get any easier.

So, to the entire conservative and/or right, why not spend a few less hours
drafting up legislation, and a few more of those with your kids.
Personally, I plan on using every spare MINUTE being more of a Dad that
you, the CDA, and the entire US Government could ever hope to be.

- capone

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