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w   _____          ____   1  222 999   "Chach Talk:  Interview with Stein"   w
D  //             |    \ 11    2 9 9             by Elliot Deuce             D
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G ||    || \    / | || |  1  2     9 issue #129 of "GwD:  The American Dream G
w  \\___//  \/\/  |____/ 111 222 999 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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[Some dr00gs have started a company called Chach Inc.  Basically, the goal of
Chach Inc. is to hang around and be chaches.  Yes indeedy.  The following
interview with Stein originally appeared in _Chach Quarterly_ magazine.  -Ed.]

11-01-2002

Deuce:  Thank you for joining us, Stein. We are always excited here at _Chach
Quarterly_ to have a member of Chach Inc. take time to speak with us.

Stein:  ....

Deuce:  So if we can get right down to it...what is it you do at Chach Inc.
and how do you feel your work affects those around you?

Stein:  Do you watch CNN on TV or read CNN on the web?

Deuce:  Well...I mean...sometimes yeah.  But getting back --

Stein:  CNN had an article about the possibility of genetically altering
onions to "weed out" the enzyme which causes people to cry while cutting
onions.

Deuce: ....  I don't think I under--

Stein:  See that's your fuckin' problem!!  You don't understand.  Let me
explain it to you.

Deuce: ?

Stein:  What if the reaction that people have from the onion keeps some sort
of balance within nature itself.  As if to say we cry because we are sad that
this onion is giving its life, its sense of fullness, in order to please our
hunger.  Are we so supreme that we think we can take that one god given right
away from the onion itself?

Why, then, don't we begin to take away other "rights" which the world has
bestowed upon fruits and veggies?

Broccoli - have you ever noticed the funny feeling you get in the roof of your
mouth as it lightly tickles it while you chew?  I believe the broccoli does
this as a way to show you appreciation.  Broccoli is not a smart plant - it
does not understand that what lies ahead is an extremely painful and
excruciating death in the depths of your acid ridden stomach.  The broccoli is
simply happy to have been pulled from the ground. That place where it is
trapped, held still all its life, unable to move. It has chosen you to thank,
and does so by treating your mouth to a gentle massage.  What if we took that
away??  The world could end in anarchy.  You may not consciously think of that
feeling when it is happening, but your sub-conscience is WELL aware!  Mad
Broccoli? MOO!

Peanuts - one cannot express the love and devotion it takes to properly
prepare a peanut to be eaten.  The careful plucking from its mother plant, to
transportation to the processing plant.  In this plant it is processed, gently
massaged with exotic oils, perfumed with salt, and packaged in a home filled
with other peanuts.  The peanut is a community vegetable.  It enjoys sharing
its life with others.  This is why you see many peanuts in the aptly named
"mixed nuts" packagings.  They do not discriminate.  The peanut keeps the
peace.  It presents a happy medium between many different cultures.  Are we to
take this trait away?  Are we to go to war with our neighbor?  Are we to once
again separate the races simply because they LOOK different?  What kind of a
world would we be reverting to?  The peanut speaks for world peace!

Celery - this one is a tough one to explain.  Celery, while enjoyed worldwide,
emits an odor similar to that of a wet dog when bitten into.  Many pay it no
attention because of the sweet reward associated with sinking your teeth into
the wood-like substance, and having no mess left behind.  This plant does have
its redeeming values, though.  It goes very well with peanut butter, although
much of the work in the relationship is done by the peanut (surprise,
surprise!).  Most importantly though, celery provides a strong, sturdy medium
for eating with your hands!  You never use silver-ware to eat celery.  You use
it AS silverware, but it is edible!  This, in many ways, reminds us of our
childhood.  Times before we were forced to conform to the ways of society.
Forced to use a method which is much more uncomfortable and time consuming in
most cases.  Celery provides a service!  As a gentle, but stable, helper.
Should we take this away too?  Take away our childhood!  Steal that which we
were born into??  What will people do?  What will the world become?  Celery
promotes youth!

Lettuce - the foundation of that which is known as a modern day salad.
Lettuce not only serves as this foundation, but it aids in other creations
such as hamburgers, pastas, and other great foods that require a base
substance to hold it all together.  Lettuce shows us much about the way life
should be in many cases.  It provides a crutch for others to lean on, a table
for others to stand on.  Should we take this away?  Should we change lettuce
forever just because sometimes it doesn't taste good?  Take its joy in life
away because sometimes it is a little to hard to chew, or may get stuck in our
teeth?  What kind of a world is this that will hurt so many others just to
provide comfort to the few?  Lettuce stands for unity!  Lettuce stands for
stability!

Down with the Mad Scientists!  They are beginning to sink their teeth into our
world.  Soon it will be chaos.  Soon we may cease to exist!  Vote yes for
vegetable rights!

Deuce:  Ok.  That about does it on this edition of Chach talk.  Thank you for
your time and see you next time!

- www.chach-house.net/~bob/ -

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Issue#129 of "GwD:  The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Elliot Deuce/GwD Publications       /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc.  All rights reserved           :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. :      GwD      :
Postal:  GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490   \---------------/
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