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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                        with no caring
                        --------------

someone... something... somewhere must be laughing its ass off.

i find myself very frequently thinking about just what the hell we are. it
could be that we're a completely natural, but random chemical reaction that
just happened to take place on this arbitrary rock in this dark, sparkling
void.

there could be a divine being, possibly several divine beings who were
overflowing with love and creativity, and just had to make a universe out
of it.

it could be, though, that we are under a microscope being watched by some
sick fucker who created this species to bitch and moan and burn up fossil
fuels so that he/she/it may learn, and teach its kind about what it is to
be disgusting.

imagine that any, or all, of these possibilities is true. that still
doesn't explain much of anything. we're still a greedy, sloppy, stupid,
bitchy, dull, brainwashed species, and we have no clue why.

i'm not at all grateful for my existence, and those of the other billions
of people on this planet. why should i be when my favorite sitcom got
pre-empted for the state of the union address? and why do they have to
broadcast it on every channel? politicians suck! they're all dirty and
corrupt, or so i've been conditioned to believe. wouldn't matter either
way. i need someone distant to hate. kill whitey! you can't oppress me!
women's rights! gay rights! animal rights! free tibet! peace in the middle
east! no new taxes! oh god these potato chips make me feel fat. i'd blow my
brains out if i could find them.

so, all of a sudden, a chemical reaction occurs. it spends the next 20 or
so years being controlled by an ape or two, who were brainwashed beforehand
to believe that certain things are "wrong" - such as pornography, obesity,
sugar, and opinionated youth; and that other things are "right", such as
standardized education, tolerance, parental supervision, and broccoli. the
apes have no idea how to care for this young chemical reaction, although,
for their entire existence, they had these universal guidelines to follow.
out of all the things they were conditioned to accept, the reasons behind
the universal guidelines' existence and common acceptance were never
revealed. no one knows how these things start. people may scapegoat time,
but i believe they arose more like the bible.

tangent: on a beautiful spring night in bethlehem, some drunken men were
sitting around a campfire, breaking things over their heads, when a
tradition was born: the first to fall asleep would have a nasty trick
played on him. and, of course, good ol' joseph the lightweight passes out
first, becoming history's first party victim. the other four partygoers
plotted out their devious plan....

back then, there wasn't a whole lot else to do besides plot against people,
so these four lushes devised a long, and very detailed ploy. in brief, one
of the four sedated and fornicated with joe's wife, mary. nine months
later, the other three dressed up like idiots and brought shiny rocks and
smelly things to the manger where mary, who didn't know what the hell was
happening, was giving birth. they claimed to be wise men. the lush who had
done the deed dressed in white and said he was a divine messenger sent from
the Origin of Everything, more commonly known as God.


and so on...

anyway, ape 1 and/or ape 2 spend about 20 years guarding their young
chemical reaction, making sure that no one gets close enough to implant an
opinion in its head not preset by the universal guidelines. they were,
however, conditioned to trust public schools.

to make a long, and extremely well known story short, we live, we burn
fossil fuels, we die, and we pollute this rock with lacquered wooden boxes
which hold our corpses.

we're planted on this rock. we don't know why, and most of us are
perfectly, stupidly happy not knowing. with no caring, we putt along, not
minding being completely oblivious, and completely useless.

this includes me. i can't deny the fact that i still want, and love, even
knowing that it doesn't matter. i'm as human as any of the drones around
me, and just as brainwashed. i sometimes have to remind myself to think.
it's disgusting just how human i am, and how i can go about my merry
business just like everyone else. i'll say i'm not like everyone else. i'm
not like anyone else. but i can just as easily talk about trivial bullshit
and how important it is to me. i imagine this as my inner unrest-the
question i am always asking. but hell if i know the answer, or the question
for that matter.

i could fall in love with this turmoil.

i want to forgive myself for being human, but that seems like an
unreasonable request. at the same time i want to believe that i'm not, or
that it's not my fault. i realize now that i can't stop myself from
feeling, needing, and wanting. i refuse to accept this as a fault i must mend. 


sarikei

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