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                  //         \\_______              //  \___\
       __________//       O   \_______\___     _   // O     \\
      /__________/   O                \___\___/_\_//         ||
     //                       O     O     \___/ \_/        O ||
    //  O               O                      O             ||
   ||        O    O                                           \\___
   ||  O                __        Acme Checklists              \___\
    \\___              /  \_                                       \\
     \___\   O        / O O \        by Gross Genitalia      O      ||
         \\          /     /                                        ||
          ||   O    / O  O/                 Toxic File #89      O   ||
          ||       /     /  O                                      //
           \\     /O O  /                O                O       //
            \\___/     /  O     O  ________              ________//
             \__/  OO /      O    /_______ \         O  /________/
               /O  O /\__________//       \ |  O       //
              /_    / \__________/   _____ ||     O   //
               /\__/   ________     /_____\ \\_______//
              //      /________\___//     \\ \_______/
      .      ||______//        \___/       \\               .....
     :::      \______/                      ||             :::::::
  :::::::::                                 ||___         :::   :::
 ::: ::: :::                                 \___\        ::::.  :
  :   :   :                                                 ::::.
      :                       Centre of Eternity           :  ::::.
    .:::. oxic                   615.552.5747             :::...::: hock
    :::::           HQ of Toxic Shock/40 megs/Lotsa files  :::::::
 
[ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts]
 
                                ACME CHECK LISTS
 
   Brought to you by those dumb fucks who wrote Road Runner cartoons.
 
 
ACME LIST #A-001
WHAT TO TAKE ON YOUR CAMPING TRIP:
 
___ Sleeping bag                ___ Tampons             ___ Rotten shit
___ Tent                        ___ Condoms             ___ Fart spray
___ First Aid Kit               ___ Aftershave          ___ Molding meat
___ Knife and/or Gun            ___ Douche              ___ Decayed grandmother
___ Pillows                     ___ Foam                ___ Tuna fish salad
___ Inflatable air matresses    ___ Raw Oysters         ___ Piss jar
 
ACME LIST #A-002
READING LIST - BOOKS YOU NEED ON THE SHELF
 
___ Webster's Dictionary                ___ Complete Book of Witchcraft
___ Guiness Book of World Records       ___ The Mythic Tarot Workbook
___ Almanac                             ___ 101 Ways to Avoid Reincarnation
___ Atlas                               ___ Earthly Purpose
___ J.R.R. Tolkien books                ___ Sexual Self-Help
___ Truth About Witchcraft Today        ___ The Illuminatus! Trilogy   
___ The Way of the Peaceful Warrior     ___ The Necronomicon
 
ACME LIST #B-002
BOOKS YOU DON'T NEED ON THE SHELF
 
___ The Bible                           ___ Sweet Valley High Series
___ Life is Tremendous!                 ___ Bobsy Twins Series
___ Encyclopedia Brown Series           ___ Horoscope Books
___ Hardy Boys Series                   ___ Sex How-To Books
___ Nancy Drew Series                   ___ The Phonebook
 
ACME LIST #A-003
OBJECTS YOU SHOULD USE FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES
 
___ Strap-on Dildo              ___ Chains             ___ Wet Vac
___ Cat-o-nine tails            ___ Whips              ___ Dustbuster
___ Vibrators                   ___ PlastiPussy        ___ Chainsaw
___ Butcher Knives              ___ Dick Enlarger      ___ Dill pickles
 
ACME LIST #B-003
OBJECTS YOU SHOULD NOT USE FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES
 
___ Mustard          ___ Empty Douche Bottles    ___ Any knife under 10" length
___ Mayonnaise       ___ Mannequins              ___ Gloves
___ Honey            ___ Spanish Fly             ___ Poison Ivy Vines
___ Crazy Glue       ___ Condoms                 ___ Rosebush thorns
___ Shedd's Spread   ___ LSD-covered vibrator    ___ Domesticated farm animals
 
ACME LIST #A-004
CHURCH CHECKLIST
 
___ New International Bible     ___ "I Love Jesus" lapel button
___ Large crucifix              ___ Clean, starched, Fundy church clothes
___ Encounter! Magazine         ___ Spit-shined shoes with crucifix buckles
___ Two Hymn books              ___ A big, goofy fucking smile
 
ACME LIST #B-004
ALTERNATE CHURCH CHECKLIST
 
___ Blue jeans       ___ Satanic Bible  ___ Pentagram etched in black marble
___ Concert T-shirt  ___ Necronomicon   ___ The Complete Book of Witchcraft
___ Spiked hair      ___ Bad Attitude   ___ Pentagram necklace
___ Army boots       ___ "High Times"   ___ Boom box playing Gwydion Penderwenn
 
ACME LIST #A-005
PARENTAL TORTURE CHECKLIST
 
___ Exorcism equipment    ___ 20" Dildo    ___ Needle and Thread
___ Chainsaw (dull blade) ___ Wet Vac      ___ Danzig's "Lucifuge" (the best)
___ Stretcher             ___ Nitric Acid  ___ New Kid's "Hangin Tough" Tape
___ Nail bed              ___ Merthyalade  ___ Fried dog testicles and a fork
 
ACME LIST #A-006
THINGS TO SAY IN CHURCH THAT ARE TRUE
 
___ "Jesus and Satan were the same damned person!"
___ "Witchcraft is NOT what the Bible depicts it to be."
___ "UFO's closely parallel and explain events in Revelations."
___ "The consciousness that was Christ's will reimbody soon."
___ "Marijuana will be legalized before 2006."
___ "Hemp is a miracle plant that will save the earth."
___ "Abortions should definitely be legal."
___ "Early Christians accepted reincarnation removed it from the Bible."
 
ACME LIST #A-007
THINGS TO DO TO FUNDAMENTALISTS
 
___ Call them hypocrites
___ Burn the American Flag
___ Sacrifice a dog in the bapistry
___ Say "Jesus Saves! But Stilorski gets the rebound! He shoots...he SCORES!!"
___ Proclaim that you are the AntiChrist
___ Give them pentagram necklaces for Christmas
___ Ask them if they've been saved by "ol' dead jew"
___ Give them $100 and tell them that's some money you got from selling your
    soul to Satan during the morning's church service
___ Give them $100 and tell them that's some money you stole from the
    offering plate that was passed your way
 
[fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq]
 
(c)July & September 1990. TS / Gross Genitalia. #89.
 
If you or someone you love wants to become a Toxin, call Centre of Eternity.
 
 
