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               [ Mind Warp  -  Volume #2, Issue #2, File #029 ]
                  [ "Driving Grievances" by Slartibartfast ]
            
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                             Driving Grievances
                              [Slartibartfast]
  
    I really enjoy driving. The open road, the hum, yes hum not roar,
of my 4 cylinder engine, the wind whipping through my hair, and the radio
blasting only Rock 'n' Roll. There are two minor problems, cops (of course), 
and other drivers.
    Cops are fairly easy to deal with. Here's how, WATCH OUT FOR THEM! 
The one time that I was surprised by a cop was when I passed by a speed trap 
at 75 mph. This is where my clever little escape tactics come in to play.
Only pass speed traps at 75 when the cop is very intensly eating a donut
and the jelly dribbles out onto his clean, pressed uniform. 
    This brings me to the other drivers. Especially those yuppies in their
BMW's, thirty-something women with PMS, and ignorant 16 year old schmucks
whose parents bought them BMW's on their birthday. Here is my simple advice
concerning these three types of drivers, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM! Here
is my simple advice to them, DIE! If there was any justice in this world
these people wouldn't be driving anything but railroad spikes through their
heads.
    Before I finish this, I must say that if you the reader happens to fit 
into one of the above categories, then sell your Beemer, take a vacation in
Antarctica, and don't bother to come back. I don't mean to offend you, I'm 
just pissed because my car was in the shop for two weeks after some thirty-
something women smashed my car, IN A PARKING LOT!
    For all you safe drivers out there, good luck and best wishes to you.
I'm more than happy to be sharing the same road with you. For all of you
who don't drive yet, well, good, ride a bike! Oh, and if you're ever passed
by a madman in a little red car, forgive me, I'm not driving too fast, I'm
just flying low!
       
                       - Slartibartfast 


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