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          Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 1 -- Released April 2, 1996
       Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan).  Jonas
    and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
     Incorporated.  Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
        remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrevial.

            Deep in my heart, I do believe / We're not gonna make it
       No, no, we're not gonna to make it / Cuz' we don't have the talent
          And we don't have the time / And we don't have the patience
                         And we don't know how to rhyme
              Presidents of the USA - "We're Not Going To Make It"

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 1                               April 2, 1996

   Contents:

   (1) - Edicius' Editorial
   (2) - "Contentment" - by Cerkit
   (3) - What Do You Think of Jonas?
   (4) - Don Imus and the Political Barrier - by Edicius
   (5) - "Salt Shaker Psycosis" - by Cerkit
   (6) - "Barney and Friends" - by Edicius
   (7) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
   (8) - Closing Notes

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (1) Edicius' Editorial

   If you were to pick one particular year out of anyone's life, and examine
   it, you would notice many changes in that person.  These changes in their
   personality effect everything and everyone around them.  Everyone changes,
   but many won't realize it.

   Over the last year, I have changed alot.  I have had many new experiences,
   as everyone has had, and I've learned alot about life and myself.  I've
   learned things I can do, things I can't do.  Many won't realize that they
   have changed, or refuse to admit it.  I am one of the fortunate, or
   unfortunate, however you see it, to have my last year pretty thoroughly
   documentated.

   In a way, I have kept a diary of the last 366 days.  The diary's name is
   Jonas.  As I look through the beginning stages of the 'zine, where I was
   still new to the 'zine thing, and writing in general, I see a very scared
   person.  I admit it, during the first phase I was scared, as anyone would
   be.  I didn't know how I would do, where this would take me, or what
   people would think of me.

   Then, I see a place where I liked what I was doing, and felt comfortable
   with it, and my writing changes.  Originally, the sole intent of this
   'zine was to be "the lamest thing ever created in 5 hours."  (5 hours, for
   your information, is the time it took me to think up the concept of Jonas,
   write all the articles, and release issue one.)  I wasn't happy with how
   that was going, however.  I was getting rave reviews, I had a large
   audience, but it was for being dumb.  I was writing in a stupid and sloppy
   manner, and it sold.

   I knew, however, in all of the realative success that I was achieving with
   that style, that I could accomplish much more.  I made a few subtle
   changes here and there, being more selective about the articles I took,
   changing the format, and other small things.  Then one day, after issue
   11, I totally changed the format, from programmed to ascii text.  I also
   changed the theme of it, from wacky and insane, to a more serious style.

   I changed alot in that time.  I grew surer in myself.  I started to
   straighten out the things in my life that were going a wry.  I saw the
   rough outline of my future, and I knew what I wanted to do.  What I have
   done with Jonas is what I've wanted to do for along time.

   I've been thinking alot lately.  I spend hours upon hours on the computer.
   Hours and days pass by without my noticing at times.  If it weren't for
   my health, I might never sleep.  I feel "dorky" because a good majority of
   my friends that I hang out with are people I've met over the computer.  I
   feel like I'm doing this for nothing.

   Then, I think again.  I realize that right now in my life, everything is
   stable.  I wish that things were going alittle better, but I can't
   complain about one thing.  School is going fine, I've brought my grades up
   to a point where they are comendable.  I have a group of my close friends
   that I talk to almost every day, and hang out with quite often.  My family
   is great.  I have my health.  What do I have to complain about?  The
   computer thing?  Meeting people over the computer is just like meeting
   them over any other medium.

   You do what you feel most comfortable doing.  If you are most comfortable
   with a keyboard under your hands, so be it.  If you are comfortable
   walking around Midtown Manhattan with a tarzan outfit on, so be it.

   My point for the whole long winded editorial will be summed up here:

   The last year, I have gone through many changes, as everyone has.  Jonas
   has been there with me, and has changed alongside of me.  I am very happy
   with how everything is going right now.

   That editorial made very little sense?  Well, what else have you come to
   expect of Jonas?  :)

   I would like to take a second out and thank the following people.  Over
   the last 366 days, many people have done many things for Jonas.  They may
   have written an article, or drawn a piece of artwork for it, but above
   all, all of these people were there for Jonas and supported.  They may
   have supported it from Jonas' meager beginnings, or have only read one or
   two issues, but show a current support of the 'zine..  To these people, I
   extend my greatest thanks:

   Ace Lightning, Akira, Asphixia, Basehead, Belial, Black Francis,
   Briangeek, Cerebral Neurosis, Cerkit, Christopher Robin, Cidica, Crank,
   Creed, Crimson Tide, Daniel from e-weezer, Dark Phiber, Defective Mind,
   Diehard, Eerie, Epidemic, Errant Angel, Fake Scorpion, Flood, Frost Byte,
   Grey Hawk, Grimjack, Hooch, Ilsundal, Inner Chaos, James Hetfield, Jen
   from Mod Rock, Jestapher, Kurdt, Lord Valgamon, Lucifer, The Masked
   Marauder, Meep, Mercuri, Metal Chick, Mindcrime, Misfit, Mistawho, Mister
   E., Mogel, Mojo, Morpheus, Murmur, Napalm, Nebula, Pale, Pip the Angry
   Youth, Radigan, RaD MaN, Rattle, Chris Rake, sCandal, Shadow Tao, Shakti,
   Spiff, Subconscious, SuperDave, Terminal Velocity, The Blunted One, The
   Master, Time Killer, Traq, Trip, ts, Tut, Twisted Terrorist, Jon Vena,
   vYrus, Whoops, Wizard of Id.. .

   .. and thanks to the following 'zines who show that people use the
   computer to write about more then just erotic dreams..  These are a few of
   the current 'zines that I read regularly and enjoy, to varing extents:

   Chemical Chocolate, Cooler Then You, Cult of the Dead Cow, Doomed To
   Obscurity, Dreaming in Digital, e-weezer, Flashbyte, Fucked Up College
   Kids, I Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star, Grill, Klunk, The Last Word,
   Moderate Rock e'Zine, Phone Losers of America, Pork, Radioactive Aardvark
   Dung, Relish, Slinky, Teenage Young Minds Expand, Underground eXperts
   United, y0lk.. .

   Thank you for taking the time out to read Jonas.  If this is the first
   time you've read Jonas, or the 16th, we thank you just the same.

   "Jonas is more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle."

   -----

   Update on past stories:

   In Jonas 15, in the article entitled "Against the Communications Decency
   Act", I reporetd on a local story involving a woman who had her picture
   posted to several alt.binaries newsgroups.  The picture also had her
   address, and asked men to write her.  The latest news available on this
   story is that her ex-boyfriend is still being investigated in connection
   with this act.  The interesting sidenote, however, is that her
   ex-boyfriend that is being investigated turns out to be Bruce
   Springsteen's brother-in-law.

   Mr. Springsteen declined to comment to Jonas about this case.

   About my Valentine's Day rant that appeared in the last issue of Jonas:
   several readers offered their suggestions as to what I should do, mainly
   they told me I should ask the girl I wanted out.  I did, she said yes, and
   two days before our date, she changed her mind.

   Love sucks.

   Oh, and I have a special news annoucement.  LISTEN UP CHAPS;

   This is the last issue of Jonas.  I'm not killing Jonas, but I am
   continuing it under a different name, after some major changes.  Namely,
   we're merging with Slinky e'Zine.  Sometime during May, the new e'Zine,
   currently titled "Legacy", will be released.  We will provide you with all
   of the things you loved about Jonas and Slinky wrapped up into one big
   issue, taken to the next level.  We are the future of e'Zines.

   Dang, I never got to print up the Jonas t-shirts.

   If you wish to learn more about this, email me..  (MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS AT
   THE BOTTOM OF THIS FILE, OK?)

   Have a good day,
   Edicius.

   "We have found a common cause, and it's your money."
                   -- Johnny Rotten, of the Sex Pistols on why they decided
                   to reunite for a 20th-anniversary tour.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (2) "Contentment" - Cerkit

   contentment, qualifies,
   in my life as a surprise.

   happiness, reigns
   in my life as the thing that bring me pains.
 
   smiles, become
   in my life, the things i consider dumb.
 
   frowns, become
   in my life, what make me numb.
 
   depression, reigns
   in my life, without retrains.
 
   discontent, qualifies,
   in my life, made of lies.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (3) What do you think of Jonas?

   I spent a few days, and emailed a cross-section of the Jonas subscription
   list.  I emailed people that I know have been reading it since day one,
   and I emailed people who have been reading it for the last day.  I wanted
   a good representation of my readers.  Here are the replies that I got to
   the question I posed: What do you think of Jonas?

   These are all of the replies that I got.  I did not leave any one out
   because I didn't like it.  I wanted the truth, no (apperent) fluff.
   Editing was only done for spelling and clarity sakes.

   -----

   jonas e'zine has gone through so many changes since it's original
   inception, it blows my mind.  originally started as a lame e'zine for the
   PURPOSE of being a lame e'zine, it was immediatly brought to me by my
   friend spiff, & i noticed it's difference from all other products in the
   stupid-ass "ansi 'zine" genre.  over time, edicius has shown to be a
   better writer more with every issue of jonas, & i mean that sincerly.
   today's version of what was jonas has a wonderful & a very professional
   look as compared to most text-based e'zines.  the writing is serious, has
   a lot to think about, & basically has a lot of meat to it.  totally a flip
   of what it used to be.  i think today's jonas lacks a bit of the wit that
   i miss from the old jonas, however, what it has gained towers above what
   it's lost.  perhaps this is a reflection of the changes that have happened
   in edicius himself, & it's just related to the 'zine.  that's where i'd
   put my money.
   
   -- Mogel [Doomed To Obscurity Editor]

   -----
  
   i think jonas is particularly different in its style & approach.  not
   better, just different.  it's rather in my view a 'zine filled with your
   own belief's, and is rather opinionated.  however, since i do have
   curiosities about how people view certain things in the world, i find
   jonas to be a good read. though, its definetly not a 'zine i read for
   entertainment.  i read jonas to get the facts, and views of one tom
   sullivan.  period.

   -- Cerkit [Slinky Editor]

   ------

   i've been reading jonas ever since issue one (as far as actual time, i
   started reading jonas when you were on #5).  anyway, jonas is like a
   home-grown zine.  when i read dto, it lacks the basic element of, "hey, im
   here, i have nothing to do, blah."

   this isn't necessarily bad, mind you, but sometimes i miss it.  jonas has
   that element, which makes it "direct" and "human" or whatever.  plus you
   admitted to masturbating, which makes jonas an institution in itself.

   you've got GUTS man.

   -- Fake Scorpion [Doomed To Obscurity Writer]

   ------

   Jonas, very simply put, **is** the meat.

   -- Jon Vena [WHTG-FM Promotions Director]

   ------

   I have read jonas since the begining .. I have seen it go coded, to text
   format. I liked it when it was wacky as hell (ie: issues like 1-10) maybe
   even more .. but the new format Jonas has taken on (ie: serious, less
   wackyness) is better for the zine.. more people will read and respect it..
   (many people already do )  I like a 'zine thats wacky, but doesn't exceed
   the wackyness point of extreme..

   -- Lucifer [Ganja Writer]
  
   -------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (4) Don Imus and the Political Barrier - Edicius

   At the annual White House Radio and TV Correspondent's Dinner, they invite
   a speaker to poke fun at the current political stories.  Nothing has ever
   happened much like it did at this year's dinner, with guest speaker,
   syndicated Shock Jock, Don Imus.  Imus is also known as being a very good
   political interviewer, with guests such as Bob Dole, Bill Bradley, and Dan
   Rather appearing on his show.

   The correspondent's association, who invite the speaker to the dinner,
   expects the speaker to poke mild fun at the president and policital
   parties.  Generally, they want him to lighten the mood.  Imus, however,
   took this as the opportunity past the line of decency.  He was quoted as
   saying, "When the First Lady laughed at my opening, I thought I was home
   free."

   Telling jokes concerning Clinton's alleged extramarital affairs, Senator
   Bob Kerrey's artifical leg, and Newt Gingrich's gay half-sister, brought
   more stone faces then applause as the night wore on.

   When you are invited to speak for an event of this caliber, you generally
   restrain yourself out of respect.  You can say that Imus showed that he
   was not afraid of anything by saying this in front of the President and
   First Lady.  However, when they are the hosts of the event, you show them
   some courtesy and respect.

   Imus' did not feel he did anything wrong by saying, "Did they expect me to
   say one thing on the radio and then go to Washington and be a weasel?"
   This is true, to an extent.  You can say that the correspondent's pool
   should have expected this from him, but they also could have expected him
   to be somewhat more respectable.  The shock jock genre is nothing new, but
   no person has discussed the First Lady's menstraul cycle at a formal
   Washington dinner.

   Bob Dole, one who has been so open about his disregard for Hollywood's
   culture problems, is a regular on Imus' show.  This is a show in which the
   material presented is normally the same type of material that he is
   against.

   Hypocritical?

   Maybe.  Imus is considered a popularity booster in Washington.  Many
   believe that an appearence on his show will raise your standing, make you
   known, and possibly get you elected.  This would explain why some aren't
   angry at Imus for his remarks.

   .. either that, or they are just afraid of him.  Imus is a very
   intimidating man.  He has been known to go off on people who disagree with
   his views.  When a Washington Post critic wrote a negative review of his
   show, he was called a "homo" and a "Jew" for weeks on air.

   The bottom line in this -- no matter what happens, Imus has his style.
   Whether or not people should have expected this beforehand can be debated.
   We do know one thing, this is the way Imus is, and this is the way he will
   continue to be.  No amount of talk or negative press will change him.  It
   hasn't done it yet, and won't do it in the future.

   -------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (5) "Salt Shaker Psychosis" - Cerkit

   The constant drama played on.  A darkness all around.  Loud bangings.  A
   varitable utopia of opposing angry chants.  A gaped grace & grassland
   causing flaring.  Deathly ill among the peasants, a sort of chill arose
   them.  A chill called pain.  It shivered up and down their spines, and
   destoryed every part of their souls.  A nearly dominant figure stood tall,
   within this and by those means kept monarchy over the shadowy inner
   workings.  Contemplating a template of output within what was considered
   compliance to the very questioning of his existence.  An "oh-so-good"
   pleasure filled evening, filling what would be his next nights dream.

   A lacey spirit undressing for his soul to implicate in his path of
   conquests.  A rather serious joke.  Coincidently overriding his mind's
   protection, and removing all that was his memories of frowns and
   depression so much so he was happy forever.  This spirit filled his own. a
   worthless and useless existence no less from what was once, a life, a point
   & happiness.  A pounding so thunderous the heavens sprawled apart like
   unvirgin legs, to cast a shadow over the sleepings & restings of closed
   eyes.

   The man awoke and turned the faucet off & went back to bed.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (6) Mischief on the Barney Set - by; Edicius

     Barney & Kids (in unison): .. you love me, and we're a happy fam-i-ly.
    Barney (thinking out loud): My my, Wendy, you look
                                umh-scrumindly-dumscious in your denim skirt
                                today!
                         Wendy: Uh, aren't we supposed to play make believe
                                police officer now?
                        Barney: I think we'll play make believe doctor now!
           Director (offstage): Oh shit, he's going for the kid again.

   Barney lunges toward Wendy, missing only slightly.

                        Barney: Why are you running away from me Wendy?  Are
                                you intimidated by my jurrasic size?
             Wendy (screaming): Help!  Help!  Mommie!  Daddie!
                  Other Kid #1: Wendy, towards the treehouse!  Go to
                                neverland, he'll never get you in there!
          Stagehand (offstage): Mr. Director, I have the tranquilizer gun.
                                Just tell me when to shoot.
     Director (moving onstage): Shoot when you have a clear shot.  Don't
                                worry about the kids, we're not paying them
                                much.  Just shoot the jurrassic asshole in
                                the groin.
                         Wendy: Get off me!  He's slobbering!  Help!

   Barney takes off his mask, revealing a grotesque and hairy man of about
   thirty-five.

                      Director: Get off of her Barney!  We'll send you back
                                to prison.  You remember the shower incedent,
                                don't you?  Do you want that to happen again?
                                Barney: Just one kiss, that's all.  Owch!

   He is hit by the director, who lands a clean blow to the muppet-filled
   temple.  The stage hand readies himself with the gun just offstage.

                      Director: Shoot, you fuckin' intern!  Shoot!

   The stage hand shoots, and a dart whizzes through the air.

                         Wendy: Ouuh..   Barney..  Ouuh..
                        Barney: OUCH.  MOTHERFUCKER.  THAT FUC- (Ploop)

   Barney drops to the floor, passed out.

                      Director: Thank god this wasn't a live broadcast!
                      Producer: Actually, the people from the National
                                Endowment of the Arts are here.  I think we
                                just lost our funding.
                      Director: Doh!  What else can go wrong?
                    Stage hand: I think Wendy is tramautized; or she just
                                experienced her first orgasm.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (7) Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on everything!

   CONCERT:

   Spacehog / God Lives Underwater / Mr. Mirainga
   February 25, 1996 - Birch Hill Nite Club, Old Bridge, NJ

   I haven't been to that many concerts in my life, but I have been to some
   pretty good ones.  However, the show that I saw here was undoubtly one of
   the best that I have ever been to.  For seven bucks, Spacehog, imported
   from England via the East Village of NYC, God Lives Underwater, and Mr.
   Mirainga with a near sellout crowd.

   Mr. Mirainga, more or less, sucked.  I didn't like what I heard of them
   before hand.  The lead singer has a really annoying voice, but aside from
   that, he seemed very irritating on stage.  Music wise, the band was pretty
   good.  Good basslines and drum beats.  For some of their songs they used a
   weird contraption that consisted of two bongo drums, a cymbal, tamborine,
   and a cowbell.  That made for a very interesting sound when added to the
   normal guitar/bass/drums you hear.

   Lyric wise, they were tried too hard to be wacky.  If they didn't try so
   hard to be funny, and concentrated alittle more on the lyrics, maybe they
   would have been alittle better..  As the bassist said, "This next song is
   pretty heavy.. It's about my grandma.. If you ever saw her, you'd know how
   heavy it is."

   God Lives Underwater just plain out rocked.  This Philadelphian band with
   their whole techno-ey/punk style, they played a very entertaining show.
   With great songs like "No More Love" and "Drag Me Down", they are a band
   with a style all of their own.

   The "headliner" of the show, Spacehog, "imported from England via the East
   Village" played a show just short of amazing.  Playing their hits "In the
   Meantime" and "Spacehog", they were a crowd favorite.  Attracting a
   diverse crowd which ranged from the early teens to fourties, they had
   everyone moving the entire time through.

   Spacehog constantly kept the crowd excited with little "conversations"
   with the crowd.  Spacehog pleased them by playing an extended version of
   "In The Meantime" while members of Mr. Mirainga and God Lives Underwater
   looked on from the side.  They also have a great stage presence.  Coming
   out to begin their set with feather trimmed coats, and coming out for
   their encore without the jackets, but with beers in their hands.  They
   showed that they were there for the crowd, and the crowd wasn't there for
   them.
   
   CD:

   Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches" single
   Columbia/Pop Llama Records
   5 tracks / 12:37
   Overall: * * * * (out of 5)

   This single features "Peaches", the radio friendly, bass driven song.  But
   Chris Ballew's vocals and "two-string basitar", Dave Dederer's
   "three-string guitbass", and Jason Finn's "no string" drums, all come
   together to form four other great songs.  Three of which were previously
   b-sides to other singles and 7"'s.  "Confusion" appeared on the Home
   Alive: the Art of Self Defense CD.

   Track by track review:
   Song: Peaches - A song that has a perfect blend of fast and slow parts
   with strong a strong rythym lead by great drumwork by Jason Finn.

   Song: Candy Cigarette - The bassline at the beginning of this song set the
   mood for this song, right in the middle of slow and fast.  It's one of
   those songs that you can listen to, without getting a headache or getting
   bored.

   Song: Carolyn's Bootie - A fast "poppy" tune with very humuorus lyrics.
   One of my personal favorites by the Presidents.

   Song: Confusion - This is one of the few songs in which they actually use
   a guitar.  The screeching guitar makes this the fastest, and possibly
   best, song on the CD.

   Song: Wake Up - A slower song in which Chris and Dave's vocals are more
   noticable then the instruments most of the times.

   TELEVISION:

   Squirt TV
   MTV, Friday @ Midnight, Sunday @ 11:30pm

   This is a talk show hosted by Jake and filmed in his room.  Originally run
   as a public access show on New York City's Cablevision, this was picked up
   by MTV and has been airing for 5 weeks now.

   Recent guests on the show have included Clerks/Mallrats Director Kevin
   Smith, Jenny McCarthy, Adam Sandler, and Liz Phair, to name a few.  Great
   interviews combined with great music, wrapped up in a half hour.

   Did I mention that Jake is 16 or 17 years old, too?  How's that for every
   teenagers' dream: having your own show on MTV while hanging out with
   famous celebrities.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------
   (8) Closing Notes - Edicius

   I thank you profusely for reading this issue.  I'm happy that I got it out
   on time..

   If you are upset by my decision regarding the merger of Jonas and Slinky
   e'Zines, just wait.  I believe that you will really like what you get with
   Legacy.  May is just around the corner, so, you won't have to wait that
   long.

   I've been very bored with the computer thing lately.  Email me.  Let's
   talk, send me your websites (I love them!).  We can be cyber-pen pals.

   Email me, please!  edi@cybercomm.net

   Well, good day.  Jonas' LEGACY shall return in May.

   --------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           Jonas e'Zine Issue Sixteen
                    Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
                  Visit the new and expanded Jonas website at:
                    http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
                     Visit Belial @ Avalon, (908) 739/4274

         Thanks to everyone who has supported Jonas over the last year.

                "Jonas, it's more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle"

   ---------------------------------- eof -----------------------------------

