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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                        No Money, Mo' Problems
                        ----------------------

Biggie Smalls should have renamed his last big hit to "No Money, Mo'
Problems", as it makes more sense.  Let me take you for a small walk to
a place where my fantasy world leaks into your world.

So there I was, lying in my bed, wondering if one of my many job offers was 
gonna call and finish what it started, when it hits me. It smacked me harder 
than a girl I tell I wanna butt fuck. I have't been on any kind of vacation
in over a year. Other people I live with (who don't work or weren't at the
time) get to go all over the place and visit home, or just leave for weeks
on end for fun. Not me, I have to work, or spend my time looking for work
after my untimely firing. It used to not bother me, I maintain my own little
world in my head where things are ok, and my hard work and kindness (when I
have any) will pay off. But now the real world is starting to creep in,
causing me endless problems. Money gets tight, things start to look bleak
and I think I'm not doing my duty to the people that live with me. Oh yes,
it's my duty. I promised one that I would take care of her, and the other
I owe. I don't mind. I created this world, it didn't sneak up on me. 

So I'm thinking about this vacation. I want to go somewhere. Home, another
state to visit people, pretty much anywhere. But I just can't swing it. I
don't have the finances for this. Others seem to, but I don't. Now you may
find this a petty complaint on my part, but I beg to differ. I've got
problems. Serious problems. People that know me know this for a fact. I've
kept the "bad evil" side of me at bay for quite some time now, but I know
if I don't start getting the things *I* want, it'll be back. Back with a
vengeance. One roommate was overheard telling someone that they needed to
find "less psychotic" people to live with. Hell, I know I go off the deep
end sometimes, but shit. All people ever see is the mood swings and the
violence. The never stop to think what is going on in my head to cause
them. And when I try to explain, I just get blank stares or "Yeah, I know"
just to placate me. But what more can I ask for from "normal" people?

The big and small of it is, I know I'm not going anywhere except back to
work. While I want to go back to work and know I need to, I want more.
Don't we all? I don't want everything I ask for. Just the small things.
I guess the question is, "What to do now?" 

Apok0lyps

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