
            $ssss$ $ssss$a$ssss$ $ssss$a$ssss$ $ssss$ $ssss$ $ssss$a$ssss$
            $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $
    c$ssss$ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $ssss$
    i$    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $ssss$ $    $ $    $
    d$    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $        $    $ $ssss$a$ssss$
    i$    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $ssss$a$    $        $    $
    c$    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $ssss$ $    $
    a$    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $ $    $
    !$ssss$a$ssss$ $ssss$a$    $ $ssss$ $    $ $    $a$ssss$ $    $a$ssss$
                          $ssss$ jonas  $ssss$ $ssss$        $ssss$

  +---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

               Jonas E'Zine Issue Fourteen -- December xx, 1995
      Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan).  Jonas
   and the materials therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
    Incorporated.  Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
               remains in place, and no fee is charged for it.

               I'm feeling thankful for the small things today,
                         Happy- Happy Birthday to me,
                      Happy Birthday to me, and to you.
                      Cracker -- "Happy Birthday to Me"

  +---- --- -- - -----------+ Edicius' Editorial +------------- - -- --- ----+

  (Written: December 12-13 1995)

  To start off with, this issue is being dedicated to They Might Be Giants,
  Civ, and Jon Vena.  TMBG and Civ are just plain out rad, and I would really
  like to thank Jon Vena of WHTG-FM for being one of the driving forces behind
  one of the best radio stations in the country (WHTG-FM/106.3/Eatontown, NJ),
  and for his kind words about Jonas on the air one night.

  To be exact, it was around alittle after 10 PM, the Sunday after I released
  Jonas 13.  I asked him for a plug on the air, and he said this.  (The
  beginning notes to Weezer's "Undone-The Sweater Song" begin to play.)  He
  says, "Ya'know, I was just thinking, the information superhighway, thats
  right kids, e-mail.  It is taking over the universe.  I just recently
  recieved an e'zine written by a guy, a local guy from Middletown.  His 'zine
  is called Jonas.  He originally wanted to hear 'My Name Is Jonas' by Weezer,
  but I'm going to play this one for him instead, because this was easier to
  find. Its the 'Sweater Song-Undone'.  Its Weezer at Modern Rock at the
  Jersey Shore, FM-106.3."  (Yes, I have it on tape.  I didn't write that down
  from memory, and yes, I just had to type that out and let all of you know
  about this tremendous event.)

  Thanks Jon.  Now onto the bulk of my editorial..
  
  Its Tuesday, and you know what that means, right?  Well, don't worry.
  Neither do I, but this Tuesday is special.  This Tuesday, December 12th,
  1995, is special.  Its my birthday.

  Frank Sinatra also celebrated his natal anniversary today, but we don't care
  about that.  ITS MY BIRTHDAY DAMNIT.

  Time for me to examine the things that I've done the last year.  Lets go in
  order in a big paragraph.  Thats always fun, right kids?

  I failed Literature Honors, got my modem taken away for awhile.  I then
  recieved a lower phone bill, which pleased my parents and myself, but I soon
  became friends with Brian (Terminal Velocity) who totally annihlated my
  phone bill to this very day.  I pulled a "C" average on all my midterms, did
  better in school.  Hung out, had fun, and created Jonas in April of '95.  I
  liked that so much, I released a second issue the next day.  With more
  issues the next week.  Soonafter, I got out of school for the Summer, almost
  got a part time job with a local newspaper (selling them, not writing for
  them), which fell through.  I saw Kitty In the Tree on a Boat Cruise, and
  then I went to the Warped Tour in August.  School came back too quickly, and
  I was left with a better perspective on school.  I did better, did some
  after school activities, and felt better.  I slacked off, did worse,
  disliked some of the extra-curricular activities I was doing, and still felt
  pretty damn good about myself.

  There, that was good.  But thats only the tip of the things I've done in the
  last 365 Days.  I've lost friends, I've gained friends.  I've learned things
  about myself and others.  I became a more secure individual, and learned not
  to worry about what others say, just to be myself.  I've found an outlet for
  all of my writing via Jonas, and finally, I learned to like even more music,
  meaning more CD's for good ole' Tom here.

  You learn alot as you progress through your high school years.  I currently
  have 114 kids, give or take, in my Sophmore class.  Out of that 114, there
  are about 20 kids that have a serious drinking problem, and about another 50
  or so that drink fairly regularly.  I'd say 80 smoked at some point, some
  more then others.  Alot of kids do Pot regularly.  There are alot of kids
  that are complete and utter failures, and some that are so intelectual that
  you would be amazed.  You know what I learned from all of this?

  Not a whole lot.  I know not to do drugs or smoke, because thats just paying
  to kill yourself.  I also know that I really shouldn't drink, at least at my
  age.  My idea of fun is one where I can remember it the next day.  Call me
  wacky.  I much rather spend my time geeking out on the computer, then go to
  a party and get wasted.

  I've been poked fun at, been the center of cruel jokes, been left out, been
  harrassed, laughed at, and I'm often the guy in gym class that kids say "no
  way, I don't want him, he sucks."  But the whole thing is, I don't care.
  I've come to the point where I can see that when others try to say stuff to
  me, it is just a coverup for their failures.  Let them say things, just be
  original.

  Anyway, back to the point I was originally trying to convey.  Over the last
  year, I have grown much more sure in myself.  A year ago, if someone would
  say something to me and try and put me down, it would get me down.  I let
  even the smallest things get me down.  Not anymore, tho.  I'm a changed
  person, changed for the better.  I'm happier with myself, too.  Its a great
  feeling.

  At times like this, one of my favorite songs by Civ comes up.  Go out, and
  somehow listen to "Don't Got To Prove It" by Civ.  It makes alot of sense.

  That's all she wrote, kids.  Always remember, Jesus loves you, but not as
  much as I do.  (Ok, ok.  I ripped that from Eve's Plumb.)

  Edicius

  +---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

        Oh yeah, if you want to reach us here at Jonas-Land.  Here:

        World Head Quarter type board -- Avalon, (908) 739 4274.

        EMail -- edi@cybercomm.net

        Web Pages -- http://www.vitinc.com/~rmini/jonas.html
        (Thanks to Fat Slayer.  send inquiries to rmini@vitinc.com)
        http://www.pla-net.net/~jwapienn/zineworld/
        (Thanks to Mercuri.  send inquiries to jwapienn@pla-net.net)
        http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
        (Thanks to me!  Rad site!  It has Jonas 13 on-line for reading, maybe
        one day Jonas 14 will be there too!)
        (Gee. I really have too many Web Pages.  Yeeech..)

        You can also retreve the latest issues of Jonas via FTP --
        ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas

        More information about jonas can be found by fingering
        edi@raven.cybercomm.net

  +-----+

  Happy Holidays to one and all from the staff of Jonas E'Zine.  (Ok, Happy
  Holidays from Edicius...)

  +---- --- -- - -------------+ America's Youth +-------------- - -- --- ----+

  Where's the one place that there is a daily convergence of millions of young
  people throughout America?  School.  So, through school, you get a pretty
  good view of the youth of today.  You see their good sides, you see the
  dreams they have, and the places they may go.

  You also see their troubled side.  You see their angst, you see their
  problems, you see the places that they will likely wind up (dead or in
  jail..)  Whether or not you see it, there is a serious problem with us
  teenagers.  Alot of us just don't care, and are oblivious to everything the
  world gives us, always putting ourselves in front.

  I don't boast, but I do my share to help others.  I'm nice to alot of
  people, I give money when I see people collecting, and I help anyone who
  needs it.  There are others like myself, maybe you reading this, but there
  are alot of people that cross us out.

  Something recently hit me.  I've never really been oblivious to the problems
  of young people today, I see that there are _alot_ of things we're doing
  wrong.  You see in the newspapers about kids stabbing each other in school,
  hitting teachers, and generally being miscreants.

  I go a small private Catholic high school, with about 400-450 kids over the
  four grades.  I'm a Sophomore, so I'm noticing more this year then last, at
  least more then this time last year.  I see that there are alot of kids that
  would gladly spend their free time smoking pot, drinking, and doing nothing
  majorly productive.  Now, I don't have anything against drinking, I'm
  against it when you're not legal.  I mean, sure, 19-20 year old kids aren't
  legally able to drink, but they've reached a more mature level then the 14
  and 15 year olds that drink the same amount.

  I have something against pot, tho.  I see no apparent reason to try pot, or
  any drug for that matter.  Why would I want to waste my time smoking
  something that I won't be able to remember tommorow?  Thats just not for me.

  Back to my school.

  Recently, things have hit me, that show just how bad things have gotten.  I
  don't expect everyone in a Catholic School to be "goodie-goodies", but
  they're usually a bit milder then some of the kids I know in public school
  (usually.  I'm not saying anything bad about Public School kids, I know alot
  of kids that are in public schools that are much better then the kids in my
  own school.  You get my point, right?)  Over the past two weeks, things have
  gone downhill.

  There's one kid in my grade that has a major drinking problem.  You know
  that chick from "My So-Called Life", Rayanne, I believe her name is.  He's
  like that.  When my school has a half day, he would go to a pizza shop, eat,
  and then go to the woods to drink with some kids.  The other kids would have
  to carry him through the woods because he was so gone at that point.  Pretty
  stupid, don't you say?  But wait, there's more.

  This year, he started taking bottles of rum and vodka into school so he
  could drink even more.  A swig of vodka before gym, some rum after lunch,
  its all the same to him.  He would put the bottle in his school bag, put his
  head in his locker, and take some.  Then he'd go into the bathroom just to
  chew some smokeless tobacco.

  Just over a week ago, he had an idea of putting vodka, or some drink, inside
  a Mountain Dew bottle, because they looked similar.  He was drinking in the
  bathroom, when the bell rang.  Being already late, he took the bottle and
  his books to his next class.  He sat in the back of the room, and from time
  to time, he would take a sip.  After about 5 or 6 sips, the teacher got
  annoyed, and said, "I let you drink that long enough.  You're not supposed
  to have any food or drink outside the cafeteria, go to the bathroom and dump
  that."

  He got alittle scared, but got up and started to walk out.  His teacher
  stopped him, and poured some into a cup he had on his desk.  Uh-oh, recipe
  for disaster.  He left, dumped it out, and came back.  After a few moments,
  the teacher took a sip, and, as he said, his "lips went numb."  He kept the
  kid after class.  The kid gets sent home, gets a one day suspension and a
  centeral detention.  Pretty lenient, eh?

  Just yesterday, the last day of school before Christmas, two girls got
  kicked out.  They got into a fight (argument) with a senior outside of
  school.  They felt threatened, and decided to carry some knives in school.
  Someone told on them, they get kicked out.

  During the week, a rumor started circulating that a Freshman girl was
  pregnant.  Last year there was a senior who was pregnant, and went on to
  give birth to a baby girl.  Supposally tho, this freshman started the rumor
  to "get a senior guy to like her again."  Thats just fucked up.

  One kid got kicked out for pot earlier in the year, another almost got
  caught with it, but they only found a lighter.  A senior and three juniors
  got kicked out back in October for beating up a freshman, who subsequently
  went to the hospital.

  All of this happening in one year in what used to be a calm Catholic high
  school.  It was only today, when I really thought about it, did I notice how
  things are taking a turn for the worse.  I never really expected things like
  this to happen in "my school", no one does.  Unfortunally, its happening in
  my school, and countless others throughout America.

  It's a simple fact, countless numbers of kids today are belittling their
  time with drugs, violence, and other harmful things.  They are just not
  taking the time to appreciate anything, being thus filled with "angst",
  which in turn makes them more emotional to their needs.

  Do I think there is still hope for America's Youth?  Yes, much hope.  I
  think we will, one day, unite and conquer.  Through experience, we gain the
  knowledge.

  +---- --- -- - ------------+ A Ch0Dy X-MaSS Carol +---------- - -- --- ----+

  I found this on a local chat board over a month ago.  It was written by a
  guy named Chody, and yes, I did find it in the Literature Forum.  Happy
  Holidays.

  +-----+

  This isn't intended to be stereotypical.

  A Ch0Dy X-MaSS Carol:

  T'was the night befo' Kwanzaa and down in the hood
  All the Homey's were hopin the crack would be good

  The oozie's were hung where they'd just been used
  Since the welfare system is so much abused

  With Kmase Nfume and Schmoke at the Hall
  waiting around for fat clinton to call

  I in my color's, sat back with a case
  after jackin grandma it was time to get faced

  After the tenth, I was totally waxed
  and wondered aloud when will piss be taxed?

  When out on the porch there arose such a clatter
  I slipped as I zipped my half empty bladder

  Then what to my wondering eyes did appear
  a fat old negro - two gold rings in his ear

  he said, "I'm Father Kwanzaa, and Santa is DEAD"
  "So git yo' cracker ass back into yo' bed"

  For Farrakhan rules and Bill is out man
  so out of yo' pockets and into our hands!

  Your Money in taxes, empowerment grants
  your lucky i dont take those baggy-ass pants"

  then he ransacked my house, even too my last beer
  and said with a voice full of holiday cheer,

  Keep workin those days, keep workin those nights
  Happy Kwanzaa to all - Dont it SUCK TO BE WHITE!


  +---- --- -- - --+ Stan's Telephone Excursions; Chapter 1 +-- - -- --- ----+

  "Hey baby.. If you're looking for a nice, firm, young girl like me, then
  call..  We're waiting for you at 1-900 SEX 6969..  That's 1-900 SEX 6969..
  We're waiting, in the meantime, we'll masturbate thinking of you.."

  The ad he just saw was too much for him.  Stan sat in his room, watching
  Gilbert Godfrey and USA's "Up All Night", and there the ad was.  There were
  blondes, brunettes, even Asian girls.  All waiting for him to talk to.  He
  could never get these girls in real life, so he decided to give it a try.

  He picked up the phone, and called.  Of course he wasn't paying for it, he
  was running a line from his neighbor's house into his room.  "Here we go,"
  he thought, as he dialed.  "Just one more minute, and I'll be talking to
  beautiful women.."

  "Hey baby..  You've reached 1-900 SEX 6969..  We're just so HOT for you that
  we can't wait.  If you're under 18, or do not wished to be billed for this
  call, please hang up now.."

  "I'm under 18," he said to himself, "fuck it.  These chicks are ugly, but
  they can lie and say they're beautiful.  Why can't I lie and say I'm 19?"

  "Now that you've decided to join us, we're ready to get you off... to a good
  time.  Are you ready for the hottest in adult erotic entertainment in the
  United States?  I hope you are, you better.."

  "Oh baby..  Almost there," he thought.  Not aware of the series of menus
  that he would have to navigate soon.

  "Now, we need to know what you're looking for.  Press 1 if you want kinky
  sex, including domination, sadomasicism, bondage.  Our girls will even act
  out the kinkiest of fantisies for you," the warm, recorded voice told him.

  "Sadomasicism?  What the hell is that?"  The little 15 year old acted so
  innocently.

  "Press 2 if you want regular straight sex with one of our hot girls..  This
  is the normal, hot sex that you want..  Or, press 3 if you want one of our
  hot muscle studs to show you how to-"

  "BEEP.."

  He pressed the two key, real quick.  "I'm not a fag, nor do I want to be
  tied up.  I want my bitch, now!" he excaimed.

  "Ok, you have selected regular hot sex with one of our fine girls..  Press 1
  if you would like to talk to one girl, or press 2 if you would like to talk
  to two of our bisexual nymphos who want to suck and fuck you all night
  long."

  "Umn.  Hmna.  Two girls?  For me?  Hmm..  Could be interesting.."

  "BEEP.."

  "Ok, we're almost there.  You said you want to have two of our bisexual
  nymphos in a regular straight sex party..  Press 1 if you would like the
  first girl to be a 19 year old all-American blonde.."

  "Whoa!  I get to pick my girl?"

  "Press 2 if you want a hot oriental.."

  "Oriental's aren't bad, neither are blondes.."

  "Press 3 if you want a large chested brunette.."

  "BEEP.."

  "Large chests aren't bad, either.."

  "Now, for the second girl..  Press 1 if you want her to be a Latina.."

  "Damnit!  When am I going to get my girls?!"

  "Press 2 if you want a blonde from the coldness of Scandinavia.."

  "BEEP.."

  "Now, you're almost there.  Just wait one moment while we connect you to two
  of our hot sex girls ready for you.."

  "Yes!  Just another minute," he said as he grew eager with excitment.  He
  heard a minute click, and then a ring, and then it was picked up..  "Hello?"
  he asked..

  "Hi there, I'm Mandy.."

  "And I'm Melissa..  Are you ready?"

  "Uhm.  Yeah.. Uhm," he stuttered out of anxiety..  What was he going to say?
  Would this really be fun?  Would they know he was under 18?  "What are you
  girls wearing?"

  "Well, I'm wearing a red see-through teddy, with red stilleto heels," said
  Melissa.

  "I'm wearing nothing but a pair of white cotton briefs."

  "Cotton briefs?  Like what men wear?"

  "Yeah..  Why?  Are you surprised?"

  "Well, yeah, sorta.  I mean, I didn't think women wore them.."

  "Women normally don't..  But I'm a transexual, I once was a man..  Old
  habits are hard to break."

  "WHAT?!  What kind of freak party is this?"

  "Is there something wrong with me.. Um..  I didn't catch your name.."

  "Stan.  I mean, Sam.  Sam..  Not Stan.."

  "Of course not..  Is this your first time?"

  "NO!  I've had sex many times!  Of course!  Do you think I'm a 15 year old
  virgin?  Aha.  Hah.  Umm.  Hah.."

  "I meant on a phone sex service.."

  "Oh, yeah, of course..  You know, when you get it like I do, you don't need
  phone sex.."

  "And you're calling because?"

  "Because his dog's sick," Mandy interjected.

  "What?  I don't need this kind of harrassment!  I call here for sex, not
  twenty questions!"

  *CLICK*

  "Hello?!  Hello?  Who the hell is this on my line?  Hello?"

  "Who's that?"  Melissa inquired.

  "It's his dog.."

  "Who the hell are you?  And what are you doing on my phone line?"

  "Eeck.  It's Mister Joel," Stan thought.  "If he sees the phone line outside
  his house, I'm dead.."

  "Sam?  Are you still there?"

  "Sam?"

  "Yeah, thats the guy that called us.."

  "Hey Melissa, didn't he say his name was Stan?"

  "Stan?!  Are you the same one who charged all those long distance calls to
  my house?  Hey, my neighbor's name is Stan!"

  *CLICK*

  Stan sat there, phone in hand, but he ripped the line out.  He peered out
  the window, and saw the line fall limply from his window, to the ground.

  "God..  I'm in deep shit now.."

  +---- --- -- - ---+ "Fire: A '90s Invention" + By Belial +--- - -- --- ----+

  The wind whipped and thrashed all about Rofl as he stood shivering inside
  the small cave. "Ugh." Rofl exclaimed stomping on the groud in an effort to
  keep his feet from going totally numb.

  Rofl looked towards the cave entrance; almost completely covered by a thick
  wall of snow. Sighing, he began chewing on a stick that he had found earlier
  and dried for dinner. "Ugh, yuck!" Rofl spat, throwing the stick against the
  cave wall.
                
  Finally, after months of seclusion and bitter cold meals of sticks, Rofl was
  losing his temper. He wished it would just end. That the snow would go away
  and that he would be left in peace. He missed hunting and fishing in the
  country. He missed seeing his friends who like him, were stuck freezing in
  small caves with little or nothing to eat or drink.

  Screaming, Rofl walked up the the cave wall and began smashing his skull
  against it in uncontrolled fury. "Ugh, huh-gug, oof, mu-gug, m0g, ugh-huh!"

  The small cave shook with the impact of Rofl's skull. Losing consciousness,
  Rofl started to notice something strange beginning to happen. His head was
  getting hotter and hotter with each blow to the cave wall.
 
  All of the sudden, after one hard blow, a spark was sent shooting away from
  Rofl's head, landing on the twig that he threw against the wall earlier.
  After a minute, the twig began to smoke, then a tiny flame emerged,
  gradually expanding as the seconds passed away.

  "Ugh, uh?!" Rofl exclaimed, looking at the burning twig.

  For a minute Rofl just looked at the twig, wondering what it was that he was
  seeing. Never before had he seen anything so bright. Then he reached down to
  touch it.

  "UGH! HOT!@" he screamed, quickly trying to wipe the flame off on his beard.
  However, the flame wouldn't go out, and his beard caught on fire.

  "UGH! AHHHH!@" Rofl screamed; jumping around trying to get away from the
  flame.

  "HOT!@"

  As the flame slithered its way up Rofl's beard, he ran to the cave entrance
  and jumped out through the building wall of snow. A giant gust of wind
  smashed into him, knocking him face first into the snow. Instantly the fire
  hissed and went out.

  "Uh. C0LD!@" Rofl yelled, running back into the cave.
 
  As he stood shivering near the cave entrance, Rofl noticed in the corner of
  his eye that the twig was still on fire. Afraid of catching on fire again,
  he carefully walked over to the twig.

  "Ugh. Pretty stick!" Rofl thought aloud as he gently lowered his hand
  towards the flame. As his fingers inched towards the flame, they began to
  get warmer. Instinctively, Rofl drew his hand away, and it instantly began
  to get cold again. "Ugh." Rofl mumbled as he reached for the flame one more
  time. Again his hand began to get warm, and Rofl quickly brought it away.
        
  Then suddenly, Rofl had a thought. He raced to the back of the cave and
  quickly grabbed some more sticks. Checking to see if he missed any, Rofl
  bounded back to the burning twig. When he got there, Rofl cautiously dipped
  one of the new sticks into the flame. Waiting a second, Rofl brought the
  stick away and to his amazement, there was a tiny flame burning at the end
  of it.

  "Hu-gug aha-huh!" Rofl laughed, dropping the rest of the sticks onto the
  fire. As the fire built up, Rolf began to notice that the whole cave was
  getting warmer.

  "Ugh. hmm." Rofl thought "Ugh. stuff hot. Cave cold. Stuff make cold cave
  hot. Ugh," laughing as he began to dance around cave.

  The next day, Rofl gathered together all his gear and left his small cave in
  search of other people trapped within their caves. He spent the next few
  days searching until finally he found another cave.

  "Ugh, I brought you something." Rofl said as he entered the cave.

  A second later the world went black as a giant club smashed into his head.
  He remembered waking up sometime during the night, but everything went dark
  once again as the club crashed down on his skull.

  "Ugh. Sun pretty." Rofl mumbled as he began to wake up again.

  Then he saw the great club ready to bear down on his head again.

  "Ugh. NO!@$#%" Rofl yelled, realizing what was about to happen.

  "Uhm. Why?" the other asked.

  "Ugh. I bring something." Rofl pleaded.

  "Uhm. What!" said the other raising the club once again.

  "Ugh. I bring hot stuff." Rofl quicky said.

  "Uhm. Show Lol!" the other demanded.

  "Need stick. Ugh."

  Lol lowered the club and walked to the back of the cave where he picked up a
  pile of sticks and brought them back and threw them at Rofl's feet.

  "Uhm. Hurry!"

  Rofl quickly picked up the pile of sticks and brought them to the cave wall.
  He braced himself and began beating his skull repeatedly against the rocky
  wall as he did just a few days earlier in his own cave. Once again Rofl felt
  his head begin to heat up as he landed blow after blow against the cave
  wall.

  Lol looked at Rofl like he was crazy, but decided to say nothing.
        
  Then the spark came. It flew away from Rofl's head and landed on one of the
  sticks. After a minute the stick began to glow as the flame took control and
  got hotter.

  "Uhm. What that!?" Lol demanded.

  "Ugh. Look!" replied Rofl.

  Lol stared at the stick for a minute and then reached out to touch the
  flame.

  "Ugh. Don't. HOT!" Rofl yelled to Lol; remembering what happened to him when
  he touched the flame.

  "Uhm. Then what do?" Lol asked.

  Rofl gathered up the rest of the sticks and fed them to the small fire.
  After a while the fire began to grow. Soon the cave began to get warm also.

  "Ugh. Fire make cold cave hot!" said Rofl triumphantly.

  "Uhm. Huh-huh!" laughed Lol.

  The next day Rofl showed Lol how to make his own fire, and set out to
  introduce his fire to more people.

  As time went by, Rofl had introduced his fire to many people, who, in turn
  went out and intruduced Rofl's fire to other people. Thus it was that fire
  was introduced to the world of man and even though Rofl has long since been
  forgotten, his legacy shall remain forever.


  +---- --- -- - --------+ An Interview With Jon Vena +-------- - -- --- ----+
 
  Jonas - Whats your position at whtg/106.3?  How long have you been working
  there?

  JV - I am the Management Assistant and Promotions person at WHTG, which
  means, basically, that I handle pretty much every giveaway and contest that
  you hear at the station; also, I work on publicizing our events through
  press releases, on-air promotional spots, even the Internet. I've been
  working at the station exactly one year Christmas Day... I was hired over
  the phone as I was calling in a request on Chris Rake's "Common Threads"
  program, which just happened to be falling on Christmas day. Our general
  manager was there, and I basically was given my request AND a full time job
  in just over four minutes. I worked at the station during my remaining
  Christmas Break, came back for Spring Break, and began working full time two
  days following my graduation from East Stroudsburg University in
  Pennsylvania last May.

  Jonas - WHTG was listed as one of the top ranked radio stations in the
  country, in last years Rolling Stone reader survey.  does that make working
  at 106.3 any different?

  JV - The Rolling Stone thing blew our minds! The staff over at Compact Disc
  World (Eatontown, NJ) sent us a fruit basket -- after that, I really cannot
  say that it changed things. It made us proud, I can tell you that --
  especially since we never, ever solicited the votes. This year, I've even
  heard Z-100 (NY, NY) offering to pay for your copy of Rolling Stone so long
  as you vote for them. When the final tallies come up in the January issue,
  I'll be sure to send in an email message to contest that fact -- as a
  person, not an FM 106.3 employee. The fact that people would care enough to
  send in an entry with our call letters on it is great -- that's why we try
  and give so much back to our listeners. I think you would be really, really
  out of luck if you tried to find as much new music, contests and the like on
  any other station on the dial. You can definitely quote me on that!!!!!

  Jonas - How often do you DJ on the air?

  JV - I deejay when something really goes wrong -- like, when someone gets
  sick or someone suddenly has tickets to see someone (or something to that
  effect). I'm not a full time air staff, I am what they call a support
  staffer -- I contribute to the on-air element without really having to be
  the driving force in that contribution. I like that, though -- being an
  "on-air personality" has its ups and downs. I like the feeling of being
  behind the scenes -- so "Oz".

  Jonas - How did it all get started?  Have you always wanted to work in the
  music industry?

  JV - I've been a music fan all my life -- from the time I was a child. I
  still remember being the happiest kid when I had enough money one Saturday
  morning to actually buy a 45" by The Kinks ("Come Dancing"), I think I was
  at PathMark with my mom -- she was food shopping and I was busy in the
  record section... when PathMark **had** a record section.  After that, it
  was all Culture Club and The Human League.

  I have always wanted to, in some fashion, work in music. Right now, I look
  at this as my starting point -- this is the first step for me. Do I plan an
  entire career in radio? Certainly not -- there just is not enough money in
  it (Yes, I am a sellout; this is what happens after you spend tons on
  college...). However, I'm very honored to be a part of WHTG. Remember --
  while Z100 was too busy with Janet Jackson and Color Me Badd, FM 106.3 was
  breaking these tiny little bands that no one had ever heard of -- bands like
  Nine Inch Nails, The Smashing Pumpkins, etc. Now, it's everywhere.

  Matt Pinfield and Rob Acampora and I knew each other, and when the time came
  to get an internship, I skewed my English Writing studies into something
  worthwhile at the station - promotions- and Matty and Rob hooked me up. It
  worked, and I owe Rob and Matt a ton for it. They've always been there for
  me... Matt, even though he is at MTV now, still calls and gives me boosts.
  Bruce McDonald, my current boss, is great as well. Bruce, Matt and Rob have
  each given me so much to work with -- I'm very, very fortunate to have all
  of their trust and confidence.

  Jonas - Did you go to college for a broadcasting-related degree?

  I went to college for a writing degree, which I somehow obtained in 4 years.
  I want to enter the journalism field -- I have plans on returning to
  graduate school for a Master's in the profession. However, I did take a lot
  of media studies courses (3 credits shy of double majoring...). I started
  tinkering in radio back in college -- for 90.3 FM WESS.

  Jonas - Do you do anything on the side?  Any side-jobs, bands, school?
 
  JV - Occasionally, I'll deejay in a club. Also, I write a lot on the side...
  for "SMUG" Magazine, hopefully, in the next few months, for SEVENTEEN (don't
  laugh -- they break a lot of bands, believe it or not!) and DETAILS. I've
  always wanted a band -- just never got the guts to actually sing in front of
  someone or to show them lyrics that I've written. Instead, I've worked and
  achieved more in printing poetry and short stories stemming from my moonlit
  fascination with literature and the publishing field.

  Jonas -  Where are you originally from?  Grow up in the New Jersey area?

  JV - I was born in Pomona, California. I grew up in Matawan (NJ) and have
  since moved from there. All of my friends still live there -- so I'm there
  practically every night.

  Jonas - Did you work at any other radio stations before WHTG?

  JV - Only at my college station, WESS. I did do some tinkering with a Top 40
  in Stroudsburg (PA), but that's a long story that, well, is kind of boring!

  Jonas - With your line of work, do you go to alot of concerts?

  JV - Tons. And I get to meet a lot of bands, which I assume is everyone's
  dream. Usually, a band is really, really cool or they're just a total bunch
  of assholes. Rusted Root was cool as hell, and I had the opportunity to meet
  Shannon Hoon about a month before he died, when Blind Melon played The
  Tradewinds (Sea Bright, NJ). A really, really nice guy. I also met Chris
  Isaak last week, and I think I'll have the chance to meet Elastica in
  January (god I hope!). Bands are always coming to the station, so we all get
  to meet and greet. I think if they had more time in their schedule, a lot of
  bands would love to meet as many people as possible -- this is especially
  the case with Belly, who we all met last September. They were tired as all
  hell, but they went into our soundcheck party, took photos, signed things...
  Tanya even kissed me on the cheek and gave me the flu. That's just about the
  only really true claim-to-fame brush I can brag about.

  Jonas - Whats your favorite type of music?  When on the air, do you normally
  play anything that you utterly hate?

  JV - All the time! I had to play KoRn the other night -- yuck. We go by a
  system, and that system naturlly dictates that we sometimes have to play
  something we don't personally care for. However, when we are in the "big
  chair," we are playing for an expansive audience -- so what if Mr. Deejay
  doesn't care for KoRn???? They've sold nearly a million records with very
  little radio and/or MTV airplay, and that speaks for itself.

  I am personally into modern rock. I went through a metal stage in the early
  high school years (which, I think, is mandatory of all New Jersey 9th and
  10th graders). However, before that, I was really into the mid-80's British
  Invasion, with Duran Duran, Culture Club, Human League, Pet Shop Boys,
  etcetera. I also like some classic rock -- very little beyond Zeppelin and
  The Beatles, though. Modern rock is where I lie now, though -- and have for
  a very, very long time. I often wonder what I would have been into had I not
  heard about this guy named Matt Pinfield that was breaking music on this FM
  106.3 station so long ago...

  Jonas -  There's been a good number of bands spawned in this area recently,
  Mars Needs Women, Psykidelic Oven Mit, and Fuzz The World, to name a few, in
  your opinion, how's the New Jersey music scene looking?

  JV - Mars Need Women just put out one of the best records I have heard all
  year. It's called "Sparking Ray Gun," and I had the chance to meet the band
  for the first time Saturday night at The Stone Pony when they played with
  the Goo Goo Dolls. They are awesome... I really don't like Oven Mit or Fuzz
  The World that much, though -- but Rotator Cuff and The Gefkens are great.
  The New Jersey music scene is one that, I think, relies too heavily on a
  heavy metal-influenced past. Bands like Rotator Cuff are breaking this
  trend, though... Eve's Plum did it single-handedly by borrowing more from
  Debbie Harry than Joan Jett (even though I LOVE JOAN JETT!!!!) There are
  some more bands that are going to make it from the area -- but if you're
  looking for another Seattle, I think Austin, Texas is the place...
 
  Jonas - Whom do you think are the hottest bands right now?  Who do you see
  taking off very soon?

  JV - The Smashing Pumpkins cannot be denied. The CDs are amazing -- both of
  'em. Rancid's new disc is amazing, as are Blur and Oasis' latest projects. I
  think the band Snapdrag are going to take off once their debut Elecktra
  Records disc is released in April -- also, Solution AD just got signed to
  TAG Recordings **today**. and, having seen their evolution first-hand (we
  all went to college together), I know they are going to be huge. The new
  Ministry CD ("Filth Pig") is out in January -- I have it now, and I cannot
  say that I am too impressed, although they do a raucaus version of Dylan's
  "Lay Lady Lay" that... well... is a shame and a blessing all in one. Self is
  a great new band, as are No Doubt and For Squirrels (see later note on that
  one...)

  Jonas - Do you use computers at the station?  What kind are they, and what do
  you use them for?

  JV - At this time, we only implement one computer in the whole station; it's
  often referred to as "my" computer... all I use it for is word processing
  and the like. In January, we will be converting to a completely
  computer-based logging system for our commercial purposes... the field of
  radio computing is ever changing, so we really held off until we knew our
  needs would be taken care of.
 
  Jonas - I'm presuming you're dialing into your internet account from home,
  so, what kind of computer setup do you have there?  What do you use the 'net
  for?

  JV - I have a Macintosh Performa 6112... which is used a lot for my writing
  duties and the like. I use the net so that I can communicate with my friends
  across the country (back up at schoool, people at other colleges, music
  industry people.) I also use a lot of newsgroups and the like. Basically, I
  use the net as a research tool as well... perfect for writing assignments
  that may ever come up.

  Jonas - 'Zines -- read many?  favorites?  contribute to any?  like Jonas? :)

  JV - I have only read one issue of JONAS -- and I liked what I saw. I read
  CRANK and INSIGHT on a regular basis, and I think BEN IS DEAD is the most
  intelligent piece of journalism out today. There stands a chance right now
  that I may be contributing to BEN IS DEAD in April. I also enjoy HITCH,
  which is out of Oklahoma. They even printed a letter I sent them last month
  -- anyway, some of the stuff in there is absolutely hilarious. At the SNOW
  BALL on December 16th, the station will have a zine -- a very polished,
  play-programesque zine, but a zine nevertheless. Oh, and by the way, I think
  I'm contributing to JONAS right now, huh???
      
  Jonas - How are the people from the station?  Do you hang out with any
  outside of work?

  JV - We are all great friends. Chris Rake is very close to me... Bruce and I
  go and get lunch everyday at the local supermarket and we constantly make
  fun of people we see there.... for example, the one checkout girl that I am
  dying to talk to that, well, I never do. Rob and I get along well... Mike
  Sauter is a riot, and Missi, Molly, Sports Guy Glenn, Michele, Anya, Chris
  Mailley, Andy G.... if you ever go to a show and see us all together, get
  ready to see a lot of laughter as well. It's a funny thing.....
 
  Jonas - What do you think has been the best cd release of '95?

  JV - Radiohead's "The Bends" is simply amazing. There is a band out called
  For Squirrels that have a CD on Sony called "Example"... the irony here is
  that the band's guitarist and lead singer died, and their first single is
  about Kurt Cobain. PJ Harvey's disc was good, Rancid and Smashing Pumpkins
  amazed me, and well.... there was so much great music this year! Indie-wise,
  K Records out of Olympia, Washington has a band called Kicking Giant who are
  really, really great. I also liked CIV's disc, Wizo's CD, and, of course,
  Belly's KING. Did I mention Prick's debut? Beautiful, fresh neo-industrial
  buzz... did a great job opening for Bowie and Nails.

  Jonas - Will you vote for clinton in '96?

  JV - Well, that depends. This whole politician thing is pissing me off --
  especially that crap that went on last week. It pisses me off knowing that
  the government is spending tax money on federal employees that, when they
  ran out of money and hence the ability to pay 'em, were called "non
  essential". Umm.... hmmm.... you get my point, I think.

  +---- --- -- - --------+ Convert, CD, 'Zine Reviews +-------- - -- --- ----+

  Hey, I figured I'd go the way of almost every other 'zine out there, and
  start reviewing stuff.  I'm opinionated, I have my thoughts on alot of
  things.  So hey, why not review the few concerts I go to and the new (or
  close to being new) cd's/tapes/records and 'zines I get.

  +--+ Concerts +--+

  The WHTG-FM Snowball - Featuring Civ, They Might Be Giants, Del Amitri, Deep
  Blue Something, Rusty, Solution A.D., & Whriling Dervishes - December 16,
  1995 - Count Basie Therater, Red Bank, NJ.

  +----+

  Seven bands, five hours of intense music, and radio personalities coming out
  the bezuka.  All this for a mere twenty bucks.  Not a bad deal by anyones
  standards.

  Going into the concert, I really only wanted to see Civ (Whom I saw back in
  August when the Warped Tour popped into town) and They Might Be Giants.  The
  rest of them have one or two songs that I've heard, and that was about it.
  I wasn't all that excited to see them -- But I was wrong.

  The first band that started promptly at 7 PM was Solution A.D., a
  Pennsylvania Based band that was pretty good.  They played five songs,
  including their current single "Fearless".  Lead singer Toby Costa's voice
  dominates the stage when they sing, added with a very good stage
  personality, Solution A.D. turns out to be the surprise to me of the night.

  Rusty was out next.  Lead singer Ken Macneil lost one of his vocal cords
  during their set.  With that in mind, I'd go see them again.  They had to
  skip out on the Post Snowball Party to be held at a local club.  So, I'd go
  see them again, just to see if they actually are good.  With him being as
  sick as he was, you just couldn't get a good feel for them.  They did do a
  rousing version of their hit "Take Me."

  Following Rusty were local favorites Whirling Dervishes.  They were pretty
  good, I'd consider going out and getting their new EP (Entitled "The Grinch
  EP").  The final song that they did was a cover of Dr. Seuss' "The Grinch
  Who Stole Christmas" that they did three years ago, on their "Wish It Would
  Snow" EP.  Its not Christmas without a performance from Whirling Dervishes.

  Next up was They Might Be Giants.  This set just rocked the house.  I was
  especially lucky because I had friends who had seats in the first and second
  row, in the center too.  So, I got to see the Johns (along with bassist
  Graham Maby and Brian Doherty on drums) real close.  John Flansburgh was
  close enough to touch.  Yippie!

  Most bands only did about 5 or 6 songs, so TMBG did most of their hits.
  Including "Snail Shell", "Spy", "Why Does The Sun Shine?", "Birdhouse In
  Your Soul", "Twisting" and of course, "Instabul (Not Constantinople)".  (I
  believe that was the complete songlist.)  Its amazing to see them live,
  "Spy", being one of my favorite TMBG songs, is just great, if not alittle
  worn out in the end.  (On the CD Version, there is about 45 Seconds to a
  Minute where they just hit one or two notes on the guitar and drums in
  different order, they drag this out to about 3 or 4 minutes.  Yikes!)

  They Might Be Giants rule, in concert or not.

  Next was Del Amitre, who I was surprised by.  "Roll To Me" is about ten
  times better in concert then it it normally.  "Always the Last to Know" is
  also a very good song.  They also performed "Stone Cold Sober" impressivly.

  Deep Blue Something came up, and well.  Aside from "Breakfast At Tiffany's",
  I wasn't impressed by they.  They were pretty decent, but nothing too
  impressive. They did a long fairly long instrumental song called "Deep Blue
  Something" which was a pretty bad note to go out on, being so long and all.
  They did do alittle bit better then I thought they would, but they still
  weren't anything too amazing.

  Finally, the band I had been waiting for.  The headliner, the finale.  Civ!
  Yes.  I of course moved back down to my friend's seat, but soon after the
  music got moved around alot.  Civ was the only band where there was a real
  'pit' in front of the stage.  Kind of irritating with the seats and
  everything in the way, but worked out fine.

  Civ, the lead singer of the aptly named band, high fived me about eight or
  nine times.  I also grabbed his shoe twice and grabbed his shirt, arm, leg,
  and microphone one time each.  God it was great.  Oh, I also got to shout
  "All Twisted!" into the microphone (he put it right in my face, baby.  Right
  there, and I sang with my hearts content.)

  Some kid jumped up on stage, did a funky little dance, and dove right off.
  I tried grabbing him to keep him 'afloat', but it didn't work.  He just
  smacked into me and the back of my head hit the nice soft cushion of a
  chair.  I got back on my feat to see my best friend plant two feet on the
  stage, and get yanked right off.  It was a very thrilling time.

  I got a drumstick from one of the roadies, too.  God, Civ is so rad.

  Also, one of the highlights of the night was seeing all of my favorite radio
  people in person.  I finally got to meet Jon Vena (Head of Promotions for
  WHTG, see "An Interview With Jon Vena" in this issue), which was pretty rad.
  Jon also did a very great job getting the whole concert organized.

  On a related side note, I'd just like to say that two of the DJ's, Chris
  Rake and Michele Amabile, are very, very pretty.

  It was a great night of music, fun, and charities.  The event raised over
  800 pounds of canned goods for a local foodbank, and raised money for the
  Surfrider Foundation; a local organization that tries to preserve local
  beaches, and keep them open for the public.

  WHTG-FM did a very good job with this night, and everyone involved should
  feel very good right now.

  +----+

  Age-9, Foil, Dirtnap - December 17 - TJK Stadium, Keansburg, NJ

  +----+

  This was one of those local 'concerts' that you just have to go to.  Well,
  sort of.  Age-9 was the 'headliner', they're a local band that just released
  a CD and should really take off soon.  Foil is my friend's friend's band.
  Dirtnap, I never heard of before.  There were two other bands there, but
  they looked like side projects, they had like some of the members from Age-9
  playing with some other kids, nothing big.  I won't review them.

  It was being held at a local bar that was offering an all-ages venue for $5.
  It was supposed to start at 5PM, but due to technical problems, namely they
  didn't have enough working microphones, it didn't start untill 6:30.

  Dirtnap came on first, they were ok.  Nothing amazing, with some practice
  they could get alot better.  As they are now, they were mediocore at best.
  Their songs were decent, but nothing amazingly special.  They didn't have a
  truely amazing hardcore style, they really could use some practice.

  I'll try not to be biased, but Foil was pretty good.  It was their third
  time playing live at a real venue, and they were good.  They have a pretty
  mean punk sound, but nothing amazingly special.  Their lead singer/guitarist
  was very good, the bassit (who coincidentally learned bass from the bassit
  of Age-9) is very good, and the drummer was very good too.  Overall, the
  band is very good.  Look to hear from them in the future, they have an
  album, entittled "Yet To Be a Man" due out in April of '96.

  There were two other bands, but as I said, I didn't really catch their
  names.  They looked like they were just different people getting together to
  jam, but I could be wrong.  They were real good tho.

  Lastly, Age-9 came on.  Age-9 just plain out rocked.  They have a sound that
  defines the meaning of hardcore.  All of the members of the band come
  together to form a very good sounding band that will definnally be heard
  from in the future.  Look to hear of their newly released CD called "Gross
  Times", for it should take off very soon.

  Yes, I know this was a pretty sucky review, but I'm tired.

  +--+ 'Zines +--+

  Big Geek (Vol 1, Issue 1)
  PO Box 319
  Glenview, IL 60025-0319
  Price: 2 Stamps?

  +-----+

  This is Kojak's paper 'Zine!  You know Kojak, right?  Well, he writes for a
  few different E'zines, pretty well at that.  He decided to venture into the
  depths of paper 'Zines.  After he decided against releasing another issue of
  "Kojak's Really Hard To Read 'Zine", he took up the pen name Brian Geek, and
  started this 'Zine.  Did a mighty fine job of it too.

  Included in this issue are really good essays giving us his perspective of
  the Chicago Music Scene, his thoughts on OJ and Jails in America, and a
  really good interview with Tricky Dick and Brendan Kelly of Slapstick.  He
  also has some other very good articles, ranging from music to politics to
  some minor computer stuff.

  Kojak did a very good job with this 'zine, and has some very good articles
  written for it.  I'm hoping there's a second issue sometime soon, which
  should be just as good.

  +-----+

  Moderate Rock E'Zine #8
  Email BlackPope7@aol.com for more info.

  This issue was pretty good.  Full of year end wrap ups in the world of
  music, it was helpful in remembering some of the things that had gone on in
  the past year.

  Numerous collumns written by the Editor of the 'Zine, and different editors
  from other 'Zines, topped off this issue.  They were all, mostly, very well
  written, and make this one of my favorite music-related E'Zines currently in
  production.

  One of the only low notes of this issue was a pretty weak interview with the
  band Explodee (I think that was the name..)  It was only a 20 Questions
  format interview, but it was pretty bad.  Other then that, the rest of the
  'Zine was pretty rad.

  Jen (BlackPope7) has a pretty rad 'Zine, and I wish her luck with it.

  +--+ CDs/Tapes/And Other Music Stuff +--+

  Rentals / Return of the Rentals (Maverick/Reprise)

  What do you get when you combine a violin, a guitar, bass, drums, and a
  couple of moogs?  You get the Rentals.  With Matt Sharp of Weezer fame on
  volcals, bass, and moog, and Pat Wilson, also of Weezer, on drums, you're
  bound to get a good deal.  Add in Petra Haden on violin, Rod Cervera on
  Guitar, and Tom Grimley and Cherielynn Westrich on moog, you get a very
  awkward collection of intruments, which come together to make a unique
  sound.

  By now, you're familar with "Friends Of P.", but this album goes much
  further then that.  From track one, "The Love I'm Searching For", to the end
  and "Sweetness and Tenderness", you have a ride filled of fun on this cd.
  Every song on here is very good.  Odd sounding intruments come together for
  a very enjoyable melody.

  This cd is highly recomended to be picked up, and listened to numerous
  times.

  +-----+

  Oasis / (What's The Story) Mourning Glory? (Creation Songs Ltd/Sony Music)

  Called the "Beatles of the 90's", Oasis proves it with this CD.  A style
  that is influenced heavily by the Beatles, Oasis leads the new British
  invasion.  Slow, soothing songs, filled with acoustic guitar, and powerful
  and moving songs, filled with great drum sets.  This cd takes you on a
  whirlwind tour through the minds of some young British men.

  The current single, "Wonderwall", and "Don't Look Back In Anger" are two
  songs with very powerful and emotional lyrics.  This is also very highly
  recomended as one of the year's best new CDs.

  +---- --- -- - ---+ Jonas Best Of 1995 - Survey Results! +--- - -- --- ----+

  Now, you may or may not remember that we did a survey last issue.  It was a
  seperate file then the main Jonas file, so you may not have gotten it..  But
  here we are with the results..  Just a quick note:

  I didn't get alot of survey responses, besides myself, I got 4 replies.  4
  REPLIES?!  Where the hell is everyone?  Sheesh..  And 2 of the surveys were
  ones that I did to friends while I was on the phone with them.  Yeeck.  So,
  because of that, I had the final vote on everything, so on ones where I got
  5 different answers for, I just gave it to the one I liked the best..  Here
  we go..

  +-----+

  Best Band/Album of 1995..

  Nominees:
  Silverchair/Frogstomp               Red Hot Chili Peppers/One Hot Minute
  REM/Monster                         Primus/Tales From The Punchbowl
  Sonic youth/Washing Machine         Alanis Morrisette/Jagged Little Pill
  Pavement/Wowee Zowee                Green Day/Insomniac

  And the winner is..
  Oasis/(Whats The Matter) Mourning Glory? -- What?!  "Where was this one on
  the survey sheet?"  Well, there was a large (1) write in vote for this one,
  and I changed my vote to this album, making it (with 2 votes) the most
  popular choice.

  Oasis came out with a great followup to their debut album, and proved why
  they are the Beatles of the '90s.

  +-----+

  Best new band/musician of 1995..

  Nominees:
  Alanis Morrissette/Jagged Little Pill
  Silverchair/Frogstomp
  Civ/Set Your Goals
  Presidents Of The US/Selt Titled
  Hum/You'd Prefer And Astronaut

  And the winner is..
  Civ/Set Your Goals -- With some of the members of Gorilla Biscuits all back
  together, this album just takes you on a half hour tour of great guitar,
  amazing drums, and fulfilling lyrics.  You can't deny it, Civ is hardcore.

  +-----+

  Best single of 1995..

  Nominees:
  Alanis Morrissette/You Oughta Know
  Presidents of the US/Lump
  Pavement/Father To A Sister Of Thought
  Silverchair/Tommorow
  Primus/Wynonna's Big Brown Beaver
  Civ/Can't Wait One Minute More
  Hootie And The Blowfish/Only Wanna Be With You

  And the winner is..
  Civ/Can't Wait One Minute More -- Hey, look at the reason above..  Civ just
  can't be stopped..

  +-----+

  Best Indie Release of 1995..

  Nominees:
  Pavement/Wowee Zowie
  1000 Mona Lisas/The EP
  Civ/Set Your Goals
  Presidents Of The US/Self Titled
  Dance Hall Crashers/Lockjaw

  And the winner is..
  Civ/Set Your Goals -- Gee, that's a surprise.

  +-----+

  Best Punk/Hardcore Album of 1995..

  Nominees:
  Civ/Set Your Goals
  Rancid/Out Come The Wolves
  Green Day/Insomniac
  1000 Mona Lisas/The EP

  And the winner is..
  Civ/Set Your Goals -- Hey, people besides me voted for Civ in all these
  categories!

  +-----+

  Best Tour of 1995..

  Nominees:
  The Warped Tour                     Hootie and the Blowfish
  Lollapaloza                         REM
  Live                                Van Hallen

  And the winner is..
  The Warped Tour -- You get Quicksand, L7, Sublime, Orange 9mm, No Use For A
  Name, and Fluf on the Main Stage, and a great second stage including Civ,
  Sick Of It All, Swinging Utters, and Tilt, amoung others, you get a great
  tour.

  +-----+

  Best movie of 1995..

  Nominees..
  Pulp Fiction                        Hackers
  Mallrats                            Seven
  Apollo 13                           The 'Net

  And the winner is..
  Hackers -- This was truely a great computer geek movie.  Anyone that can
  pick up girls by saying "Baby, you're elite" is cool in my book.

  +-----+

  Best radio station of 1995..

  WHTG/106.3/Eatontown, NJ -- It didn't hurt that 80% of the surveys came from
  the Eatontown area..  :)

  +-----+

  Who will be president in 1996?

  By a landslide -- Bill Clinton

  +---- --- -- - --------------+ See you in '96 +-------------- - -- --- ----+

  Everyone: Have a safe and happy holiday, don't party too hard on New Year's
  Eve, we want to see you reading Jonas again in '96..

  If you want to get Edicius a great Christmas present, you can always pass
  along copies of Jonas to your friends, co-workers, and your enemies!  Print
  out copies and pass them around!  Spread the Jonas fever to everyone!  Make
  people at your job aware of Jonas..  Get a nice magic marker, and make your
  own Jonas T-Shirt, and wear it with pride!

  "One day, Jonas will take over the world, by educating the ill-informed,
  sparking intelectual thought in the darkest person, and teaching others the
  evils that we live in, and how we can reform..  Edicius for President in
  '96!"

  Happy holidays everyone, Jonas loves you.

  +---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

                            Jonas E'Zine Issue 14
            Send all inquires regarding Jonas to edi@cybercomm.net
           Jonas and Slinky can be found at Avalon, (908) 739-4274
      Thanks to Belial and Terminal Velocity for their unending support

              "Jonas, it's more then a 'zine, it's a lifestyle."

  +---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

