
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #462 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##:::::::   "The Smartest Man Alive is Somewhere   !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: Out There and He Only Wants to Help You" !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> Kreid                      1/27/99 !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        boy, am i seasick.  i feel like i'm going to puke, sometimes.  it
 must be the turbulence.  back and forth, back and forth, all day, every
 day.  no change, no relief.  i sure am seasick.  indeed i am seasick.
 i'm really seasick.

        seasick... OF YOU!

        see?  do you see it?  i'm not on a boat.  that was a metaphor.  you
 weren't expecting that, were you?  no, not unless you looked down the
 page, and if you did that, you're just an illiterate jackass.  a fucking
 uneducated prick with no respect for words and metaphors and other
 generally intelligent crap that smart people use.  fucker.  you're
 probably even moving your lips as you read this, too.  your dumb, bloated,
 negroid lips.

        just kidding.  seriously, though, racism is really bad!  really,
 it's terrible how ignorant anger can make people.  so terrible.  terrible.
 if people would just listen to each other, and not their own hearts and
 mind, just maybe, maybe, we could all learn to live in harmony with each
 other, and around the world, things would be just like my ass:  beautiful
 and perfect.

        oh god, it's so nice.  i'm just so glad to be me sometimes.  sure,
 i'm missing a few teeth and i spent most of my day sitting in front of
 the computer with no clothes eating boogers and grasping desperately at
 my penis.  but all i have to do is slip my hand onto the seat of my chair
 underneath my soft flesh, and i feel good about myself.  i know, after
 all, with my ass, everything will work out okay.  i love you, ass.

        by the way: i was just kidding about niggers.  they really are
 terrible creatures and they smell as hideous as they look.

        the phone is ringing.

        "hello."

        "uhm hello can i speak to dave pleez?"

        "yes."

        <long pause>

        "uh is this dave?"

        "yes."

        "oh hi it's some stupid bitch."

        "hi!"

        "what are you doing tonight?  can i come over?  i want your dick
 so bad, dave!  i'm aching for it!  you drive me crazy when i'm not with
 you... oh god just thinking about you makes me so fucking wet!"

        "listen, bitch.  i don't want to hear this shit.  the only time i
 want to even think about your stupid mouth being open is when i'm watching
 it bob up and down wrapped around my fucking cock, okay?  i want you to
 understand this so that our relationship can work out better because,
 baby... i think i love you."

        that's when i hang up.  i'm so smooth!  she'll be over in a couple
 of minutes, i bet.  i should finish off this t-file with haste... i need
 to get a couple of shots in me before the cunt gets here, or else i might
 get pissed and say something to get me in trouble.  i tend to be like that
 around chicks when i'm sober, you know?  alcohol really smooths things
 over with bitches.  it makes you real honest, uninhibited.  when you get
 good and drunk you know it's pointless to start trying to lie and all that
 shit, so you say what you fucking mean.  it drives girls crazy for you.

        inhibitions totally gone.  "you're pretty.  i'm stronger than you.
 let's fuck."

        when you're born as gifted as i am, you can learn to do some pretty
 crazy things, like master the completely depraved ignominy of the dark
 abyss of alcoholism.

        you don't know what ignominy means, do you?  haha.  i just used
 that word to fuck with your stupid illiterate brain.  sucker.  it means
 "disgrace".  you should familiarize yourself with it, don't you think?

        don't feel bad about it.  i'm just so much fucking better than you.
 i don't mean any harm, though.  i'm just living as nobly as i can, while
 still getting everything i want.  god made me to save this fucking sick,
 depraved world.  but i'm looking out for number one, you know?  i've gotta
 get my rocks off.  the world can fucking reap its benefits from my genius,
 sure, but not on my time.  i've got a life to live.

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    HOE #462, WRITTEN BY: KREID - 1/27/99 !!
