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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                         mindfuck me, baby
                         -----------------

good lord i need a woman. i haven't really *cared* for someone in more than
a year. i feel like a rock with no emotions and it sucks to be hard. it's
hard to be hard. 

i have a few friends; mostly the same gender as me: male. mostly stupid guys. 
a few smart ones, and one real smart one, but he's a christian and he annoys
me sometimes with his holiness. i like to talk to him, but not for long.

this isn't angst so don't stop reading. 

i'm not angry or disturbed. i accept my situation because i created it. i
don't make an effort to meet people. my hair is ragged and i wear the same
jeans two days in a row. i like to sit in front of my computer with a joint
and stay there. i guess i'm not noticeably unattractive - i just don't care.

at the same time i have this overnight event in like a month where i'm 
supposed to bring a date. yeah, right. i'll probably sit in the back of the
chartered bus with a case of lone star and have a miserable, albeit twisted,
time. but maybe not. maybe i'll run into an attractive, impulsive, healthy,
atheist/agnostic, stoner, freedom-of-thought type libertarian woman on the
bus tomorrow. hopefully she won't be a computer chick and then maybe i
perform some massive escapism on my lust for technology.

"run away!!!!!!!!!!!"

i wanna cabin. in montana. with no electricity, but with running water. i 
want to live comfortably, but un-connected. de-net myself for a few decades.
just raise homing pigeons and hunt and fish for my own food. if the girl i 
meet tomorrow wants to come, she can. ill visit home every few months, to 
check up on the folks, friends and fast food. refill prescriptions and what
not. lots of prescriptions. 

wouldn't it be nice to not check your email for seven days? just set up a 
vacation so you can give autoresponses to everyone like:
 
Hi! I'm taking an email vacation - if it's important, call me voice, if not,
you'll hear from me next week. thanks!

..*sigh* 

i should do that, and you should too. take a break. use your computer for 
papers and homework, but detach yourself from any online communities you 
affiliate with. don't answer email. don't read news (DON'T READ NEWS?!!?!
Noooooooooooooooooooo!!) for a week. go to class and come home and do your
homework or read or explore the area where you live. try it: just one week. 

i will, i swear to god. i will. just one week - then i'll be back. and then
i'll take another break every three months or so. maybe that's when i could
do my wash. 

anyways my point is this: i need some good conversation. i would rather have
someone to talk to than to have sex with at this point. if conversations
were fruits and veggies, i'd have scurvy by now. i'm a lonely sailor, sailing
the ship of my fate off the edge of the earth. i have no idea what i'll see 
when i get there. either i discover a new world on this globe or sail off the
flat sea into space. 

"we breath deep in a steam dream
and plunge below the waterline
down, down, down, down, down,
between beams to the blue moon
among the seaweed and the slime
down, down, down, down, down, down."

it's amazing how music can affect mood. 

changing sucks.  


**porno*funk**

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