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                              >> Apotheosis <<
                               by -> Lifelike

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<lifelike> i realized as i was peeling potatoes that LIFE is a lot like a
           POTATO
<lifelike> when you peel it, that is
<lifelike> 'cause when you peel them, you take the tip of the peeler &
           dig into it if you find a black spot or something
<lifelike> & you gotta do that with LIFE
<lifelike> you gotta DIG AT IT with a SHARP OBJECT until you get out the
           bad parts
<lifelike> the parts you can't eat
<lifelike> the parts that make you sick
<lifelike> & you THROW THEM IN THE TRASH
<lifelike> with the PEELS
<lifelike> actually
<lifelike> potatoes are more like individual relationships than LIFE in
           general
<lifelike> 'cause each relationship starts out covered in dirt
<lifelike> & you gotta peel that shit off
<lifelike> & reveal the white skin of the starchy tuber beneath
<lifelike> & when you happen upon those black spots
<lifelike> you gotta DIG THEM OUT
<lifelike> you gotta D1G TH3M 0UT
<lifelike> you gotta have fear in your heart
<lifelike> & then sometimes you find a MOLDY old PIECE OF SHIT POTATO
<lifelike> & you think you can SAVE IT from its STAGNATION
<lifelike> & YOU WANT TO DATE IT
<lifelike> because you think it can LOVE YOU LIKE NO OTHER, because IT'S
           SEEN PAIN TOO
<lifelike> but it's REALLY just DIRTY & FULL OF MOLD & HAS A STINK
<lifelike> & you realize, after you've cut your fingers with the
           vegetable peeler TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT
<lifelike> that maybe it's NOT WORTH SAVING
<lifelike> & sometimes, you need to just THROW ONE AWAY, WHOLE
<lifelike> nothing more can be done for it.
<lifelike> ...
<lifelike> my potatoes, much like my relationships, are now cut into
           little pieces & in a pot of boiling water in my kitchen.
<lifelike> soon i'll mash them
<lifelike> & add milk & butter & some salt
<lifelike> it's all cycles, man.

<lifelike> potatoes take a long time to cook
<lifelike> HOLY SHIT
<lifelike> SO DO RELATIONSHIPS
<lifelike> you gotta have PATIENCE for the potatos to be cooked all the
           way through
<lifelike> otherwise you come out with LUMPS ALL THROUGHOUT 
<lifelike> & i always think i put in too much milk when i'm mashing them
<lifelike> but it always turns out to be JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT
<lifelike> it's like something otherworldly is watching over me,
           protecting me from the horror of a whole pot of runny mashed
           potatoes
<lifelike> but uh, i guess that's where things differ in this stupid
           analogy
<lifelike> 'cause no one can protect us from BAD RELATIONSHIPS

<lifelike> i make excellent mashed potatoes.

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   * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #253 -- written by Lifelike -- 7/15/98 *
