
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #492 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Hairdryer of Instant Karmic Justice"    !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Uberfizzgig                        !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 3/3/99                                   !!
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        Justin liked to run over ants with his bicycle.  He would look
 around the sidewalks by his house for a big swarm of the little things.
 There they would be--busy building a new home--perhaps with all the latest
 from the ant equilivent of France with the ant equilivent of Italian
 Leather Furniture.  Complete with all the finest amenities of living in
 the dirt.  Justin would stop there by this blossoming new community and
 watch the black thickness swarming over the edge of the concrete.  He
 would casually roll the front-tire of his bicycle through the mass of
 activity and leave the imprint of his tire-tread through the center.
 Never once did he consider the tiny ant holocausts he would cause each
 day. His sister, however, was another matter.

        Yes.  One day Justin found his sister writhing and wriggling in the
 dirt after the rainfall the night before.  He watched her momentarily,
 like a cartographer watches plate tectonics, and then left his little
 tire-tread prints across her back.  Needless to say she was pissed.  But
 before she could do anything, an Ice Cream truck drove by, its sweet music
 enchanting them like the song of the Sirens.  It was then that the
 hairdryer fell from the sky.

        The hair dryer swooped down upon Justin, burying its sharp cord
 into his spinal column.  When his body stopped convulsing, the hairdryer
 set itself to "Big Dryin' To Do" and burnt off Justin's head.  It then
 affixed itself to the top of his neck.  His sister turned around after
 buying her Orange Push-Up Pop from the Ice Cream Man, and said not a word
 to her brother.  This of course should be expected given that she was a
 quiet girl and not comfortable talking to people she did not recognize.
 He had a hairdryer for a head after all, which made him quite peculiar,
 not to mention the clothes stained with his own blood.  The Ice Cream Man
 drove along to the next block, ignoring him as well.  After all, you can't
 very well eat ice cream with a hair dryer for a head, it would all melt
 before getting in there; and if any did, you'd probably get electrocuted
 anyway.

        The next day at school some kid called him a fag.

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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!   #492, WRITTEN BY: UBERFIZZGIG - 3/3/99 !!
