
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #375 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
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  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Unsatisfactory Behavior"                !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Cap'n Sparky                       !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98                                 !!
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        Recently, I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like
 people.  I really don't like most of the people in my age group.  Now,
 you're probably reading this and snickering, thinking "Great!  He's
 gonna rant about all the preppy kids and the jock kids of the world!
 He's gonna rant about all the people who don't watch anime, or listen to
 the kind of music I listen to or etc..."

        Nope, I'm afraid you're reading the wrong text file.  No, those
 people already get enough bad press.  Most of them don't even deserve
 it.  In fact, once you're out of high school, or you're not in a college
 that's filled with those folks you don't really have to deal with them.
 Some of them are even <*gasp*> pretty nice people.

        No, I'm going to talk about the other assholes of the world.  The
 ones who annoy me more because I run into them more often in my daily
 life.  I hate dealing with morons as much as the next guy.  The only
 problem is that there are more idiots out there than we'd like to
 believe exist.

        Case study #1:  The bookworm.  This type of moron reads quite a
 bit, maybe William S. Burroughs, maybe Jung, whoever.  It doesn't matter.
 They read, and they think that just because they like reading they are
 more interesting than people who don't like reading.  They like to
 believe that they are cool and really rather interesting because they
 read.  They think that the world should bow down and worship them because
 they read books.

        Who cares?  If you can hold an interesting conversation about what
 you read, that's cool.  If reading helped to open your mind, and you
 learned something interesting that's also cool.  However, most bookworms
 think that they are automatically smart because they're literate.  That's
 not the case.  I have dealt with a number of people who don't read, or
 don't read very much who are far smarter, far more interesting, and far
 cooler than the average bookworm.  First of all, don't get so stuck up
 that you think that reading is an excuse to be an asshole.  It's not.
 Just because someone doesn't read doesn't mean that they're stupid or
 not as good as you.

        Most people who read are dull and stuck up.  Don't be dull and
 stuck up.  I advocate burning all the books and lynching the librarians
 (and the libertarians too, but that's another rant for another day).
 Perhaps you don't need to have such extreme views.  Just realize that
 being literate doesn't make you better than anyone else.

        Case study #2: The underground hepcat.  We all know someone like
 this.  Many of you out there are probably one of these bastards.  Most of
 these people rightly deserved all of the teasing they got (or still get)
 in high school.  The underground hepcat likes one (or more) types of
 media that aren't in the mainstream.  They think that this makes them
 better than everyone else.  I hate to say it, but that's just isn't the
 case.  I don't care if you listen to Marilyn Manson or you were into
 NiN "before anybody".  I could give two shits if you like anime or
 Chinese action flicks.  If you're an asshole who liked John Woo "before
 he was big," you're still just a frigging asshole.  You know who you are.
 Go shoot yourself now.

        As an example, I would probably wipe my ass with most manga just
 as soon as read it.  That's my opinion.  It doesn't make me cooler than
 someone that likes manga.  I just don't like manga.  I'm of that opinion.
 I don't like most anime either, usually it's badly dubbed, poorly
 animated and horribly written, just because it comes from another
 country doesn't mean that it's good.  Again, this is my opinion.  It
 doesn't make me wonderful, and that fact alone doesn't mean I'm an
 asshole.

        Don't get me wrong, different types of media are cool.  They
 create a common denominator for a group of people.  However, I've met
 plenty of idiots who like the bands I like, or who love the movies I
 like.  I don't think that they're cool because they like the same thing
 I do.  This is something that many of you out there are going to have to
 come to grips with.  A good friend of mine really enjoys modern country
 music.  I'll never understand why, it makes no sense to me, and I
 despise modern country.  He's still a good friend and a great person.
 He's also funny and smart.  Another friend of mine listens to Oasis.  To
 say that I don't like Oasis would be a kind understatement.  I didn't
 really like the Beatles the first time around, let alone a cheap
 knockoff.   Nonetheless, he's been my friend for... shit, 18 years or
 so now.  He doesn't love everything I love, and I don't love everything
 he loves.  Yet he's still my best friend.  I've never had a girlfriend
 who liked the same music, literature, or movies that I did.  Guess what,
 some of them were really pretty wonderful people.

        So, to sum up my point: If you're a moron, you're a moron.  I
 could care less if you can recite "Macbeth" backwards and forwards, or
 if you were really into Skinny Puppy or the Chemical Brothers long
 before I was.  I don't care how high your IQ is, and your sexual
 orientation doesn't make you really ultra-cool.  I could really care
 less if you know the names of every character in the entire print
 version of the "Akira" saga.  I could care less if you loved Chow Yun
 Fat before he was "cool." I don't care how many Argento movies you can
 recite in your sleep.  If you're an asshole, you're still an asshole.
 Just because you were picked on in high school for looking like a freak,
 or being a stuck up jerkoff doesn't give you the right to take it out on
 anybody who doesn't match your standards.  Most likely, you're just like
 the people that you hate.  If you're that kind of person, I'm glad you
 got tormented in high school.

        I'm sure some of you think I'm an asshole at this point.
 Personally, I'd love it if every reader did.  Some of you will also have
 missed my point.  I don't really care.  If you think that you're
 wonderful, or that everyone else sucks because they don't like to get
 their jollies watching cartoons about young girls in sailor suits
 fighting evil... well, you can suck my hairy ass.  You're most likely a
 chucklehead.  My world will turn without you.

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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #375, WRITTEN BY: CAP'N SPARKY, 12/22/98 !!
