  Oh my GawD!   ***** THE FIRST NAME IN CRAPPY E-ZINES *****   More from GwaD!

             The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Incorporated
              Brings *YOU* 10 Brand New Text Files for 05/05/05!
    (Issues 141-149 of _GwD:  The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime_
                  AND Volume 2/Issue 1 of _Retail Retards_)

-=< NewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdS >=-
             -=< This Here Is GwD News, Issue #22 - 05/05/05 >=-

                        ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
                          R E L E A S E   N O T E S
                        ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

                            WORD  TO  YOUR  MOMS.

                             Sexy Text for YOU!
       New issues of _GwD:  The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime_
                   http://www.GREENY.org/media/text/new.html
             Brought to you by the fine folks at GwD Publications!

* gwd141.txt - "Hawaiian Punch" by Frank Ferra, P.I.
               Frank Ferra gave us this essay on the human condition.  That's
               a lot of punch, man.

* gwd142.txt - "Patriarchalism, Progeny and Pain:  Adrienne Rich and the
               Prison of Marriage" by fastjack
               Feminist poetry, T.S. Eliot, and YOU.

* gwd143.txt - "Pillows" by Bob the Master of the World
               Bob tMotW regales us with a tale of a fattish ass.

* gwd144.txt - "On Social Stigmata:  Jesus, Magic, and Ciacco the Hog"
               by Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D.
               As promised in Issue #124, we bring you Otis's treatise on a
               growing problem:  Social Stigmata.  Symptoms include bleeding
               from the hands and feet in social situations.  (Why has it
               taken us three years to publish this?  Well, Otis originally
               wrote this article for a conference THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.
               This was in late 2002.  It was actually a paper that Otis hoped
               to publish that was based on his abortive doctoral dissertation
               in Divinities at the University of Pennsylvania.  However, his
               dissertation was not accepted by his committee and he is now
               persona non grata in that department due to the "incident" that
               occurred after this rejection.  Once Otis regained his senses
               and finished medical school, he submitted this work for
               publication in _GwD_.  This was early 2003.  You can blame the
               strenuous peer review process we have in place for scholarly
               works such as this for the remaining two years of "delay.")

* gwd145.txt - "Dispatches from the Plains VII" by fastjack
               We hate to break it to you, but you are not a "spiritual
               person."  Buying books about angels from the bargain bin
               doesn't make you spiritual.  Chach.

* gwd146.txt - "EPISODE III:  RETURN OF THE GwD STAR WARS SPECIAL"
               The real Episode III is coming out in just a few weeks, so it's
               time to jump back on the bandwagon.  Great stuff for all you
               Star Wars geeks out there.  Seriously, who else would read a
               crappy e-zine like GwD?  Star Wars = the shiz.  That being said,
               enjoy this cynical look at Star Wars.

* gwd147.txt - "Ass Hairs" by Lobo Licious
               Ass hairs and public toilets.  Fun!  I wish I'd had my camera,
               though.  Alas.

* gwd148.txt - "Slopetopia" by Bob the Master of the World
               Bob tMotW had a dream.  Disturbing and gritty.

* gwd149.txt - "uh-rith-muh-tick" by Aardv@rk
               Aardv@rk and his condescension return.  Ever wondered how to
               add, subtract, multiply, or divide?  You know you have.  He's
               here to teach you all you ever needed/wanted to know about math
               but were afraid to ask (well, not quite...fractions/decimals
               are handy, as is algebra, really...fine, think of this as a
               pamphlet for a really low-level math course).

(so, like, all authors are solely responsible for the content of their issues)

AND...              SCUMDOG ENTERTAINMENT is at it again!
               A new release of _Retail Retards_ (aka _'TARDZ_)
                 http://www.scumdogentertainment.com/tardz/
                     http://www.GREENY.org/media/tardz/

rr0201.txt - Vol. 2, Issue 1 - "Dispatches from the Plains VI" by fj
             _'TARDZ_ is finally back!  Sure, it's been three years since the
             last release, but that doesn't matter.  The dumbasses are still
             out there, and they're still invading our stores.

                        -*- "Beautifully written." -*-

                            -+- GREEN is GOOD. -+-

                        ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
                         What's going on in Grenedom?
                        ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

-> HEADLINES <-

It's 05/05/05, or 5/5/5.  The perfect day.  Disregard the fact that we may
have claimed that a previous day (05/25/00, to be exact) was the perfect day,
from a Grene standpoint.  THIS is the perfect day.  For the next 100 years.
Or 95 years, really, since we'll like claim that 05/25/2100 is the perfect
day, too.  Yeah.  Whee.  And hey, it's Cinco de Mayo, so that's cause enough
for a release.  We're from Texas (which is close enough to Mexico), and we
love to drink.  So yeah, Cinco de Mayo is the real reason we're releasing
today.  Uh-huh.

YEAH, 10 T-FILES.  ONE GwD FILE, ONE SCUMDOG FILE.  AN ALL TEXT RELEASE.
We don't need no mp3s or warez or any of that other crap; text is what we do
best (worst).  So, word, 10 t-files.  Aww yeah.

HOT DAMN!  ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

GREENY.org has gone through some changes.  Our server went away, you see, and
it's still not back.  But it should be "soon."  The content's there, on the
snazzy replacement server, but the UI isn't very nice right now, except for 
the snazzy main page.  The blog-version of the site will be back soon.  Hold 
your goddamn horses.  Until then, you can access the new files at
http://www.GREENY.org/media/newcrap.html, or all of the files at
http://www.GREENY.org/media/text/.  Or just follow the links on the site, you
lazy bastards.

Also, don't miss Radio Free Chachistan.  It's the best streaming net-radio
station IN THE FUCKIN' UNIVERSE.  Yeah.  Give it a listen, it rocks nads.
Point your browser or mp3-player-thing or whatever to
http://www.chach-house.net:8000/chachradio-low for the stream and to
http://www.chach-house.net/chachradio/ for the playlist and stuff.

   -*- "A real-life pleasure for fans of John le Carr‚ and Tom Clancy." -*-

-> OTHER NEWS <-

Not much else going on.  Just some t-files and some tunes.  Oh yeah, and we're
12 years old now.  Hot damn.  This group/zine/whatever is almost as old as we
were when we started it.  I don't know about you, but that scares the piss out
of me.

Be on the lookout for more new-new-new text from our pals at SCUMDOG
ENTERTAINMENT in the coming days/weeks...their new site should be up soon,
too, so you can begin to covet it then.  Aww yeah.  Word.  _Retail Retards_ is
back in full effect...don't be a dumbass.

Seth The Man and Lobo Licious got married in 2004.  Again, we must stress that
their marriages were NOT TO EACH OTHER, despite what you might have heard.
Both couples are happy.  Word.

Otis has completed medical school.  That's right; he's now Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D.
He's contemplating either attending Vet School or Dental School in the future,
but he thinks his next move will be Law School.  So, in three more years or
so, he'll be (at least) Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D., J.D.  Aww yeah.  Of course, he
also had an abortive attempt at a PhD in divinities (see above), but we won't
hold that against him.

Stay tuned to GwDweb (http://www.GREENY.org/) for more GwD-ish news.

       -*- "Soon to be a major motion picture starring Mel Gibson." -*-

-> SUBMISSION INFORMATION <-

If you have ANYTHING to submit to GwD (artwork, text, outlandish claims,
etc.), DO NOT HESITATE to send it our way.  "submit@GREENY.org" is there for
you, baby.  Work must be 100% original and it must be understood that once
submitted, articles/artwork/photographs become the property of GwD, Inc.
(unless they have been previously published elsewhere) and we can use them
however we see fit, even if it's merely to make fun of them (and you).

           -*- "More action!  More adventure!  More excitement!" -*-

                                    ~~~~~
                  "I found me a home for the sinner in me."

                                   CONTACT:

                 The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
                           http://www.GREENY.org/
                  Pubz - http://www.GREENY.org/pubz/ - Pubz
                                GwD@GREENY.org
                   P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490

           - for moral, ethical, spiritual, and financial guidance -

 *** The GwD Task Force, Inc. - All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993! ***
 GwD News #22 - rel. 05-05-05 - by Lobo Licious & Bob the Master of the World
           ***** copyright (c) MMV GwD Publications/GwD, Inc. *****
              -*- GwD - "Having Fits and Taking Shits" - GwD -*-        GwDN22
