mindflow #5   09.12.94
ascii version
(c)1994 mindflow publications

about mindflow-------------------------------------------------------------------
concept/editor:  josh ruihley  <jrruih0@ukcc.uky.edu>
programmer    :  keith shapiro <kdshap0@nx41.mik.uky.edu>

mindflow is a monthly ezine that features poetry, short stories, brainstorms,
random thoughts, essays, ect.  basically, mindflow features thoughts.  it
takes what people feel and what people think and it compiles these thoughts
into a monthly mind trip for people across the country and world to enjoy.
all that is really needed to enjoy mindflow is an open mind, so open up your
mind, and enjoy.

mindflow is free to distribute as long as its contents are not altered in
any way.  each piece in mindflow is personal property of its author and may
not be copied in any way (except when distributed with the whole issue of
mindflow).

format:
right now, mindflow is distributed in two formats.
  one:  ibm .zip file.  this file includes the actual mindflow program which
is menu driven and has vga graphics.  if you are on an ibm, ***i highly
recommend that you check this version out.***
  two:  universal .txt file.  this is just all of the contents of mindflow
typed out in ascii (.txt) format.  this will work and print on almost any
operating system out there.  all of the same great pieces, but not as
pretty as the .zipfile.

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please include whether you want the ascii (.txt) version or the uue encoded
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this is the most important thing about mindflow.  without your thoughts and
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editors note------------------------------------------------------------------

welcome to mindflow #5!  this month is a big month for us.  mindflow is now
officially on the internet.   this means that mindflow is now available to a
whole new group of people: definitely a step in the right direction.

we here at mindflow are also heavily encouraging subscriptions to mindflow.
subscriptions are absolutely free and mindflow will be in your mailbox the
day of release each month.  to subscribe, just send your email address to
keith <kdshap0@nx41.mik.uky.edu>.  please let him know if you would prefer
the ascii (.txt) file or the uue encoded .zip file.

this issue:  once again, there are many, many great thoughts from different
people in this mindflow.   most pieces this month can be classified in the
brainstorm, poetry categories.  there was a shortage of short stories this
month, so we can try to make up that next month!  anyway, i hope you enjoy
this monthly compilation of thoughts.....


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autumn Storm     By Danielle Cosney-------------------------------------------

Crisp, iridescent leaves
scrape the pavement
as gusts of warm, damp winds
carry them along.
Swarthy, somber clouds
swiftly roll in
obscuring the bright sun.
Irrigous drops
fall from the ominous skies
creating a gentle patter
on the softening ground.
The sweet smell of damp leaves
floats soothingly with the breeze.


cobain     by Kurt Moskowitz--------------------------------------------------

why idolize something
why worship someone
because there life is not finished and done
4 he brought it upon himself
not you
there is no need for hysterics
no need to hold your breath
no need to repress your own freedom
because most people expect more of you

media surrounded him
sharpened there knives
and you can damn well say he payed the price

for it was them
that did it
they wont admit it
for the gun he used the media filled
why do they morn for someone they
killed


a thought    by Ann Keller----------------------------------------------------

Sometimes the best times we have are only shared with our dreams.


the fall     by Andy Malloy---------------------------------------------------

looking down i see the rocks
and water flowing, white turbulence
leaning forward thinking only
"is it worth it?" and
"is it worth it?"
tipping past the point of balance
moving beyond no return
i'm falling, falling
toward the rapids
wind howling in my ears
everything's a blur
then in an instant
it's over
and my body swings
under the bridge


Untitled    by Mike Laiacona--------------------------------------------------

5am and sober
i've never felt better
life isn't broadcasted in 2 tones of gray
life isn't hating myself or you
life isn't a hazy delirium dream

i still haven't forgiven myself for your death
but i think about it almost every day
I remember watching the news about
our latest effort overseas
and I can never forget seeing your name among
those killed,
and I can never forget feeling sick to my stomach
so numb i couldn't begin to think it was true

I crawled into a bottle that night and
did not leave until now

In altered states, I am the fool
the prophet who seizes life in one breath
and easily brushes it aside with the next
In altered states the pain is all to real
I wanted to lay side by side with you
forever
It was all to easy to do
and that scared the hell out of me,
so now it's 5am and sober
and I never want to go back...


flagging down the angels         by Su Byron----------------------------------

you gotta try to catch them
these winged beings
as they fly over churches on Sundays
you gotta be quick
to catch these pure things
barely born and still covered with that cloak
that coat of newborn goodness
you gotta jump high to bring them down
you gotta climb to the highest step
while the minister curses you
under his breath
you gotta be quick
and kiss every hand that will help you to
where you need to be
you gotta be able to stay on the roof
all night while other guys
make love and drink beer and read verse
to their g-stringed mistresses
you gotta play the game to get there
to catch those flying angels
believe me
I caught one in a dream once
and flew all night
through bursts of violin music
and sights of strange color
that broke my heart
you gotta kneel when you're close below them
and with the cleanest face you can muster up
you gotta gaze on them
and with pure thoughts you
gotta beg them not to pass you over


Untitled     by Bryan Mullins-------------------------------------------------

little flower, why do you wilt so?
when all your days are filled
with sunshine
and green fields?

a dark cloud has passed over you
and threatens not to leave?
blocking the sunshine,
making green fields grey.

little glower, worry not
your pretty purple petals,
the sunshine within you
turns again the grey fields
green.


Mirrors          author unknown-----------------------------------------------

Who was he?  The strange man in the mirror.  I never knew.  I laughed with him
sometimes, cried with him more, yet I never knew who he was.  We often stared
at each other but he never spoke to me or betrayed his secrets to me.

I've heard that some people believe the mirror holds their soul and provides
them a short visitation of it.  Yet each time I came to the mirror, I was met
by this cold stranger.  I was forced by him to search within me to find my
soul.

After long searching I finally came to her, sealed behind many walls and
buried beneath tears and lies.  I looked to her and cried, embracing her after
so long.  I began tending her wounds and helped her from that place, giving
her freedom.  She smiled and rose, filling me and embracing me.  Now when I
meet the mirror, I see her and she smiles tenderly to me.  We share our
thoughts and secrets.  I speak fondly to her and feel her reply.

But I wonder what happened to the man in the mirror and who he was.  I wish I
could have known him and spoken to him.  He is gone forever now.  Perhaps he
never existed, except as the guardian protecting my soul until she was strong
enough to stand alone.


--------------------------myself          by paul kell------------------------

                                      to
                                     crawl
                                    outside
                                    myself
                                and view what's
                                     left
                              the visions of what
                                 i want to be
                               my sights on what
                                 i want to see
                                      the
                                mellow meadows
                                  of my mind
                               changing seasons
                                 changing time
                                changing things
                                i want to find
                               all wasted words
                                     from
                                 wasted lines
                                      the
                                  cold creeps
                                    in the
                                 light eludes
                               my soul's what's
                                     left
                                      the
                                 dark secludes
                               all that i see is
                                   what i am
                                      not
                                 what i'll be
                                      not
                                what i've been
                                     alone
                                     to be
                                  without you
                                     here
                                 i see my sin
                                 i see my fear
                                 i see myself
                                    in this
                                    mirror
                                      an
                                  empty shell
                                  of what is
                                     dear
                                   what was
                                     life
                                  is now not
                                     there
                                      so
                                  what is it
                                     that
                                  i've found
                                   in these
                                     walls
                                     that
                                   surround
                                  to make my
                              hopes and thoughts
                                    resound
                                      an
                                  inner peace
                                    before
                                    unfound
                                  tis it life
                               flows from within
                               beneath my breast
                                beneath my skin
                                beneath my soul
                               the light within
                                   or is it
                                      not
                                       a
                                     myth
                                       a
                                     tale
                                       a
                                   talisman
                                 old and frail
                                  could it be
                                something else
                                  gold within
                                   an untold
                                    wealth
                                  i know not
                                     what
                                makes me decide
                                right and wrong
                                in all confide
                                      my
                                conscious state
                                      of
                                 love and hate
                                both absolutes
                                    we both
                                    debate
                                 loss of life
                                      or
                                 loss of soul
                                      the
                                quest for truth
                                      my
                                  final goal
                      "stricken, smitten, and afflicted"
                                      the
                                  anti-climax
                                   makes me
                                     whole


Impatient Patience     by Don McCormick---------------------------------------

People say I'm impatient
And that I have to learn
That the world won't move when I want
And I've got to wait my turn
In my heart I know they're right
And I'm doin' what I can
But until I attain deliverance
This is just the way I am.

Now I know that the earth harbors
Many strays, dimwits, fools and worse
And I hear tell in third world countries
Many people die shortly after birth
But here in the U.S.A. Texas Triangle
'Ole Beaumontville
Our longevity permits
That we may fret
Over nothing more than a utility bill.

But, lately I've found something that seems important
And disturbs my little brain
Concerns this girl I met the other night
And if I'll ever see her again

That may seem a little selfish,
(Living in such a microcosmic world)
But despite my adventurous spirit
I'm just another boy lookin' for a girl.

So, anyway, I thought I'd found her
I felt so safe and warm
My heart tremored
Quakes of delight
A rose without a thorn!

So I cascaded down the steepest slopes
Suddenly without fear
Pretending everything was all right
And that I wouldn't have to steer

Thinking everything was OK
And that I wouldn't have to turn
That I would sail right into her life
But I just had to learn;

That I was ordinary
No matter how special I may feel
And that special feeling is temporary
And that's what makes it oh so real.

Like the bird and the worm
And the fish and the fly
And the balance of nature
And the way we survive

And the loving and the lonely
And the frost and the seed
And it's only through contrast
That we may see...

That it's the feeling that we crave
That drives us near insane
Yet we demand whoever brought it
Bring it back again

But then they're just carriers
Like it could have been the flu
-First they love you
Then they don't-
And there's nothing you can do

 'Cept button up 'gainst
The gales of emotion
And fall in love
Whenever love gets the notion.


silence.     (c)1994 josh ruihley---------------------------------------------

the stabs of silence
poke at me
robbing all
i'll ever be
no chance for reversal
no chance to turn back
now is too bright
and then is too black
i forked to the right
when left was what was true
i forked to the right
when left it lead to you
so here i am
confused and mislead
my chance is dead
my chance is dead
so here i am
confused and mislead
there's nothing said
my chance is dead


Spiny Blue     By Joel Wheeler------------------------------------------------

I've only seen you once --
     your azure mysteriousness
     is so obvious to
     all but me.

You're everywhere, but not for me
     -- a Saturday morning dream.

A satisfied smirk is ever
     apparent --

     Sixteen short bits going
          on thirty-two.


"the view from here"     (c)1994 Amber Goddard--------------------------------

once, when i was very small and all things seemed good and shiny,
   i fell into a round hole under the kitchen sink,  and as i floated
weightlessly towards the prince of salamanders, i threw back my head and
laughed, because i knew things he didn't.
      then he chewed off my innocence and, through the straw in my ear,
sucked away my
       laughter.
this was when i was very small.

the bond of life     (c) 1994 by keith shapiro--------------------------------

somehow i knew that
when i first saw you
that you were the only
someone for me.

at first you piqued at me
and then my curiosity
took over and wanted to know
something about you, dearest

there is a bond between us
even if we cannot see or admit it
it has always been and will always be
from a moment frozen in thought

time plays its leprechaun's tricks
dancing about and trying to break it
but that bond was formed out of time
and so he will never separate us

even though you may have left
gone away to anther place
these bonds are formed of something
that has no bounds or distance

and i will go on, doing and existing
waiting for the day when i can truly be
that is the day that you come back
that is the day that you return for me

somehow i knew... the first time i saw you
that there was something different about us
i never knew until i first saw you
that you were meant to be my match

and this bond will always be there
even after a million years
it is there and always between us
it lets us share our hopes and fears.

but this is hard, the words don't come easy
each one is a though about you
i don't know if i can bear it much longer
being here, without seeing you.


.
