
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #448 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "What I Did During My Winter Break"      !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl From Mars                     !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/18/99                                  !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        Winter break is generally a much-anticipated time in the life of
 a college student.  Finals are over, and it's time to vegetate!  Winter
 break is a time to see all your old friends from high school as well,
 and talk about old times.  It's a time to do all the stuff you couldn't
 get done during school, and maybe even get a job to make some money for
 when you go back.  Well, my winter break was like nothing i've ever
 experienced.  Of course, I did my share of vegetation (rarely) and
 catching up with old friends (before they went on lovely trips to warm
 places without me,) but I did one thing for the majority of my winter
 break.  You want to know what I did?  Huh?  You wanna know?  All right,
 here's what I did... FUCKIN' DISHES!!!

        In my temporary home (long story,) there is a dishwasher, but we
 use it to STORE our dishes, not wash them.  Every morning, I awoke to
 a sinkful of dishes, used for that morning's breakfast and thoughtfully
 left for my washing pleasure.  Most of the time, my parents and brother
 had inexplicably gotten who-knows-what stuck to the dishes and of COURSE
 they don't believe in soaking.  How in the hell do you get whatever
 you're making on the outside of the pot?  I spent 20 minutes today
 scraping hot cereal off the outside of a pot, and it motivated me to
 write this.  As I scraped and scraped, I started to have flashbacks to
 a past life, past life as a serving wench in a medieval English
 ale-house.  I know my past life as a skivvy has supplied me with mad
 diswashin' skillz, but why do I have to do it all the time?  I know I'm
 just being a whiny bitch, but it's ridiculous!

        Do you know what washing dishes all day does to your hands?   I
 was a little disgruntled when one of my fingers got so dry it fell off,
 but I kept on truckin' because I knew if I stopped the dishes would
 just pile up like mad and I'd get in trouble.  When the second finger
 fell off, I complained, but my parents told me that losing fingers
 doing dishes builds character.  Always searching to build character, I
 spent some more days a-washing.  

        After a while, I realized that there was a simple solution to my
 digit-loss problem.  I set to washing my dishes that day, and I got
 really into it, pulling my sleeves up all the way and getting soaked up
 to my shoulders.  My arms got so dry from the soap and hot water that
 they suffered the same fate as my fingers.  Armless, I awaited the
 evening.  When night came, I popped my microwaveable pillow in the
 microwave for longer than the recommended time.  As I slept that night,
 my microwaveable pillow resting on my chest, all its stored radiation
 worked its magic.  The next morning, when I woke up, I had two arms
 again!  Fuckin' brilliant!

        Well, that's what I did on my winter break.  Jealous?

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #448, WRITTEN BY GIRL FROM MARS, 1/18/99 !!
