
 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #699
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                "Noppa Gets Us Laid:
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8       An Exploration in Stupidity"
    888     888 888      888 888    "            by Various Artists
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o              6/18/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]

 *** IRC log started Mon Jan 18 00:39
 *** Users on #ezines: @kreeed glynis @slindsey notgreg @teerts @isaac
     @Quarex @Mogel @tomfuck @noppa @cheesus @turevon @kaiak @Ilsundal
     @tasha @AIDS @cstone @apollo___ @rattle @TanAdept
 <Mogel> (quarex)
 <noppa> quarex: (Its a new product from Corning, who brought you Pyrex!
         Quarex is not a borosilicate glass; instead, it is made from pure
         quartz.  And if you believe that, have an onion.)
 <Mogel> (jamesy)
 <noppa> jamesy: (i love you, noppa!)
 <Mogel> (g0ff)
 <noppa> g0ff: (that guy behind the curtain)
 <Mogel> (zooey)
 <noppa> zooey: (as if you really have any beans)
 <cstone> (())
 <noppa> (): (Please do not abuse the () feature.)
 <Mogel> [zooey]
 <noppa> zooey: (kill yourself)
 <cstone> (cstone)
 <Mogel> (dylan)
 <noppa> cstone: (lambda (x) (if (= x (* 5555 0)) x (- (/ x x) 1)))
 <cstone> ((()))
 <noppa> (()): (Maurauder! Its ME noppa!!! I m talking to YOU!)
 <noppa> dylan: (cutle fuzzy wuzzy 16 year old wannabee (she could almost be
         foddy's type!))
 <Mogel> (katie)
 <noppa> katie: (someone with more friends than she thinks :) .)
 <Mogel> (murmur)
 <noppa> murmur: (the friendliest of the friendlies!)
 <Mogel> (lindsey)
 <noppa> lindsey: (evERYone loves lINDs)
 <Mogel> (tao)
 <noppa> tao: (he's sad and mopey.)
 <Mogel> (rj)
 <noppa> rj: (The greatest author yet to be born)
 <AIDS> stop it
 <AIDS> who the hell is noppa? 
 <Mogel> Noppa is a stupid bot.
 <AIDS> isn't noppa an OLD OLD school bot?
 <notgreg> noppa is longstanding
 <cstone> noppa is the original #ad&d dicerolling bot
 <notgreg> that bot has been on irc.. for what.. 4 years?
 <cstone> notgreg: longer than 4 years
 <Mogel> 4d3
 <noppa> Mogel, 4d3: 6
 <glynis> :P
 <AIDS> 3d20 
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d20: 28
 <AIDS> (mogel)
 <noppa> mogel: (noppa wants to know what is mogel is that too much to ask?)
 <AIDS> 3d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d20: 38
 <Mogel> Uhm, ahaha, we can make saving rolls for situations.
 <AIDS> yes 
 <AIDS> I can figure out how smart I'm going to act in any given
        argumentative HOE situation.
 <Mogel> Quarex, Roll to get laid by Glynis
 <Quarex> What dice is that?
 <Quarex> Is that a d twenty?
 <Quarex> Like critical hit or failure?
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <Mogel> yeah, you have to get 17 or more
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 13
 <Mogel> FAILED!
 <Quarex> FUCK
 <tasha> what the HELL are you guys talking about?
 <AIDS> oh, ok, well, I'm going to act reasonable intelligent now.
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Soybean
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 17
 <Mogel> SUCCESS!
 <Quarex> Okay, I barely got laid by Soybean
 <tasha> drew
 <tasha> how can you BARELY get laid?
 <Quarex> Now on to my roll
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 1
 <Quarex> HAHAHHAHAH
 <Quarex> HHAAHAHAHAH
 <Mogel> CRITICAL FAILURE
 <Quarex> YES!  NO MORE GIRLFRIENDS!$#*&
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Meenk -- 11 is required
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 14
 <Mogel> AIDS gets LAID by MEENK
 <AIDS> ahjahah
 <Quarex> D00d I gottra see if I can get laid by Meenk even though she
          hates me
 <AIDS> doud, if teletype can do meenk, anyone can 
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 20
 <Mogel> HAHAHAHA
 <Mogel> CRITICAL HIT
 <AIDS> AHAHAHAH
 <AIDS> QUAREX YOU FUCKED HER ASS 
 <AIDS> ALL THREE HOLES 
 <cstone> haha
 <Quarex> HAHAHA
 <Quarex> Hahahahahaha
 <isaac> heh
 <tasha> im confused :(
 <Quarex> Looks like Meenk is just playing "I hate you"
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Anjee -- 15 required
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 8
 <Mogel> FAILED
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 15
 <AIDS> HEY LOOK
 <AIDS> I GOT ANJEE
 <AIDS> it's because my dick is so enormous
 <AIDS> and she is so tight
 <AIDS> it was rough riding for a while
 <Quarex> God
 <tasha> my god.
 <Quarex> I am so totally never getting laid
 <Quarex> But then again, that is what happens when you devote yourself to
          celibacy and even chicks want sex these days
 <Mogel> You got a critical meenk hit, dude
 <AIDS> Roll to get laid by tasha -- 18 
 <tasha> :D
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 5
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 17
 <AIDS> SHIT 
 <AIDS> All I got to was fingerbang! 
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 2
 <Quarex> FUCK
 <tasha> YAY!
 * tasha does a dance!!!
 * kreid had unprotected sex today! :) :) :)
 <AIDS> OK GUYS 
 <AIDS> This is the gayest thing this channel has ever done 
 <Mogel> Hahaha
 <Mogel> No way
 <Quarex> HAHA
 <Mogel> This game rules
 <cstone> kreid, roll a saving throw vs. HIV
 <Quarex> Hahahaha
 <AIDS> hahhaha 
 <Mogel> hahahaa
 <Quarex> Yeah, you are like a 2nd level Druid
 <kreid> 1d20
 <noppa> kreid, 1d20: 19
 <cstone> SAFE
 <AIDS> damn! kreid is safe! 
 <kreid> i'm slick
 <tasha> im confused again :\
 <AIDS> ok, i want to reroll my intelligence
 <AIDS> 3d6
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d6: 10
 <AIDS> oh shit i am stupid 
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Parker Posey -- 15 is required
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 9
 <Quarex> Who is Parker Posey?
 <Quarex> And I failed
 <Quarex> God
 <AIDS> ahahah
 <Quarex> Let me roll to get laid by a human being - 2 is required
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 13
 <Quarex> Damn
 <AIDS> Mogel, what do you think you are to get laid? 
 <Mogel> I'm a 15
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 9
 <AIDS> shit 
 <AIDS> 1d12
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d12: 3
 <AIDS> how pretty will my wife be? 
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 4
 <AIDS> damn!
 <AIDS> butt nasty!
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by phairgirl -- 12 is required
 <tasha> ahahahahahah
 <AIDS> hahahah
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 4
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 17
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 3
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 6
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 17
 <Quarex> AWW YEAH
 <Mogel> HAHAHA
 <AIDS> DAMN 
 <AIDS> I DID EVEN WORSE THAN MOGEL 
 <tasha> YAY
 <tasha> I GET PHAIRGIRL SEX!
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by AnonGirl -- 14 required
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 20
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 11
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 12
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 11
 <AIDS> DAMN I BANGED ANONGIRL ALL NIGHT 
 <Quarex> FUCK
 <AIDS> Three hole combo critical hit! 
 <AIDS> She's mine all mine
 <Quarex> Hahah
 <Quarex> MUZE
 <Mogel> hmm... muze is a 16
 <Quarex> Give Muze a rating
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 13
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 5
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 19
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 12
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 1
 <AIDS> this is so stupid 
 <Quarex> Dude, the thing is, I should have a -10 penalty on these because
          I am Quarex.
 <AIDS> good thing I have no idae who muse is 
 <tasha> :(
 <AIDS> isaaca; IMPOTENCE CRITICAL FAILURE 
 <Quarex> mmMmMMmm
 <Quarex> Hahaahah
 <isaac> :~o
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Barb, she's... 13
 <Quarex> LIES
 <Quarex> I TRIED SO HARD
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <AIDS> Who the hell is barb? 
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 16
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 16
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 13
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 6
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 15
 <Quarex> Oh, I see, it is just broken
 <tasha> i get barbsex!
 <Quarex> Everyone can have Barb, the way it should be
 <Quarex> Aww, not Mog, who got more than I ever did
 <AIDS> this is so fucking stupid 
 <AIDS> it's actually painful to contemplate 
 <AIDS> thank god I only roll'd a 10 for my intelligent levels 
 <tasha> im amused.
 <cstone> it's disorientingly pathetic
 <isaac> heh
 <AIDS> 3d6 
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d6: 10
 <AIDS> ahahah 
 <AIDS> it's official. 
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Leah -- Girls get +5, Guys get -4, 16 required
 <Quarex> Hahahaha
 <Quarex> SHIT
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <Quarex> HAHA
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 2
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 8
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 6
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 18
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 7
 <Quarex> HA HA TASH
 <tasha> WTF
 <tasha> IM THE ONLY GIRL
 <tasha> AND I CANT GET LEAH
 <Quarex> HAHAHA
 <tasha> THATS FUCKED UP
 <tasha> mogel almost got sex from a lesbian, dude
 <Quarex> Leah just hates EERYBDOY
 <Mogel> roll to get laid with PezMonkey -- 16
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <isaac> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 * tasha crosses her fingers
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 1
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 18
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 15
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 6
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 11
 <AIDS> ahahah
 <AIDS> impotence critical failure 
 <Quarex> HAHAH
 <Mogel> Hahaha
 <Quarex> NOOOOOO
 <tasha> *hee hee*
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Aster -- 19 required
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <isaac> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Quarex> C'mon Aster
 <Quarex> Underage chicks are my speciality
 <AIDS> shit 
 <AIDS> I wish getting sex was actually this arbitrary 
 <Quarex> So do I
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 10
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 17
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 18
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 19
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 6
 <Quarex> YES
 <Quarex> AHAHA
 <Mogel> HAhahaha
 <Quarex> !#$&!#$
 <AIDS> tasha: the dice don't lie 
 <Quarex> ALL UNDERAGE GIRLS SHALL FALL BFEORE MY MIGHT
 <Mogel> I have no idea what Caitlin's would be
 <Mogel> Roll to get laid by Metal Chick -- 14 required
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 13
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 20
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 5
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 19
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 17
 <AIDS> FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK 
 <Quarex> METAL CHICK METAL CHICK
 <Quarex> HAHAHAHA
 <tasha> i wansta roll for isaac, s'il vous plait
 <tasha> pacify me for christs sake
 <Mogel> I think I ran out of girls.
 <AIDS> mogel: paganini
 <AIDS> mogel: daisy 
 <Mogel> Oh yeah
 <Mogel> Paganini is a 16, I'd say
 <isaac> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 11
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 5
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 15
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 8
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 3
 <isaac> doh
 <Mogel> Hahaha
 <tasha> darn :(
 <AIDS> Well, at least this random dice rolling is a refelction of real life 
 <Mogel> Daisy would be a 9
 <tasha> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 18
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 19
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 9
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 17
 <tasha> HELL YEAH BUDDY!
 <AIDS> I think Daisy would be a 3 
 <Quarex> Where does Daisy live?
 <Quarex> Who is Daisy?
 <Mogel> Hahaha
 <tasha> Mogel: ISAAC!
 <Quarex> GOIN' TO MEET DAISY
 <AIDS> I WAS RIDING MISS DAISY 
 <AIDS> hyuk hyuk hyuk! 
 <Quarex> Hahaha
 <Mogel> Isaac would be... 15
 <isaac> I want to try for myself
 <isaac> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <tasha> 1d20
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 3
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 9
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 14
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 12
 *** teerts (teerts@whthc23.resnet.iup.edu) has joined channel #ezines
 <AIDS> How much to do quarex? 
 <Mogel> 14
 <AIDS> ahahah 
 <Quarex> That high?
 <Quarex> Well, actually, to DO me would require a 20
 <AIDS> i thought you were mad sexless guy? 
 <Quarex> I am.
 <AIDS> oh, i see. 
 <Quarex> Someone would have to trick me.
 <Quarex> "Try this new 'milk', Drew"
 <AIDS> ahaha
 <Mogel> -5 to non-virgins
 <Quarex> "I thought the bottle said Rohylponol."
 <Quarex> "No, milk.  Drink it."
 <AIDS> look no one wants to roll 
 <Quarex> Yeah, true.
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 9
 <Quarex> Hahaha
 <AIDS> is it a reflection of real life? 
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 5
 <Quarex> Who WOULD?  =]
 <Quarex> Yes, it is.
 <Quarex> All girls want to pretend to roll, but none would ever actually
          want to do it.
 <Mogel> To do altrocks... 10
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 9
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 11
 <AIDS> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 10
 <isaac> oh my
 <tasha> i have to get isaac.
 <AIDS> hahah, mogel, I must have gotten cheap sloppy seconds on altrocks
        with my barely making it score
 <Mogel> 16 for kaia
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <isaac> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 17
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 2
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 20
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 10
 <AIDS> AW YEAH 
 <AIDS> ALL UP IN THAT 
 <Mogel> Damn
 <AIDS> mogel: ahahha 
 <AIDS> damn 
 <AIDS> isaaca got the three hole critical hit 
 <isaac> yay
 <cstone> is someone logging this?
 <AIDS> i hope not.
 <Mogel> Hopefully not.
 <Quarex> Oh god, another article in the making
 <Quarex> I never log anything.
 *** Starting logfile irc.log
 *** Value of LOG set to ON
 *** End of Lastlog
 <Mogel> hmm, I can't think of anyone else
 <tasha> matt?
 <tasha> art?
 <tasha> dylan?
 <Mogel> art is a 14
 <AIDS> 1d20 
 <isaac> 1d20
 <tasha> 1d20
 <Quarex> 1d20
 <Mogel> 1d20
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d20: 9
 <noppa> isaaca, 1d20: 1
 <noppa> tasha, 1d20: 12
 <noppa> Quarex, 1d20: 18
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d20: 6
 <Quarex> Art wants me
 <tasha> drew got artsex
 <Mogel> oh yeah
 <Mogel> roll for intelligence -- it's "3d6"
 <Mogel> 3d6
 <tasha> 3d6
 <isaac> 3d6
 <AIDS> 3d6 
 <Mogel> average
 <noppa> Mogel, 3d6: 10
 <noppa> tasha, 3d6: 12
 <noppa> isaaca, 3d6: 8
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d6: 15
 <tasha> YAY!
 <AIDS> I Am a god! 
 <Mogel> 10 is average
 <tasha> I am *ABOVE* average
 <AIDS> I think I rolled high enough to become an illusionist
 <Mogel> roll for strength
 <Mogel> 3d6
 <isaac> 3d6
 <tasha> 3d6
 <noppa> Mogel, 3d6: 11
 <noppa> isaaca, 3d6: 8
 <noppa> tasha, 3d6: 10
 <Mogel> Poor Isaac
 <Mogel> he's gonna have the village idiot character
 <tasha> don't worry isaac, i still love ya
 <Mogel> Roll for charisma
 <Mogel> 3d6
 <tasha> 3d6
 <isaac> 3d6
 <noppa> Mogel, 3d6: 10
 <noppa> tasha, 3d6: 10
 <noppa> isaaca, 3d6: 8
 <Mogel> Man, I'm so utterly average
 <isaac> heh
 <Mogel> hahahahaha
 <tasha> poor isaac!
 <Mogel> Wisdom?
 <Mogel> 3d6
 <tasha> 3d6
 <isaac> 3d6
 <noppa> Mogel, 3d6: 10
 <noppa> tasha, 3d6: 17
 <noppa> isaaca, 3d6: 14
 <isaac> finally
 <Mogel> ARGH 10 AGAIN
 <tasha> WOW!
 <tasha> I GOT A 17!
 <Quarex> 3d6
 <noppa> Quarex, 3d6: 13
 <tasha> I AM WISE, YO!
 <AIDS> 3d1
 <AIDS> 3d31
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d1: 3
 <AIDS> 3d31
 <AIDS> 3d1349
 <Mogel> STOP AIDS
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d1: 3
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d1: 3
 <AIDS> I TIRE OF THIS GAME 
 <isaac> 0d100
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d1: 3
 *** glynis (~jwhite1@isr3584.urh.uiuc.edu) has joined channel #ezines
 <Mogel> Glynis I got laid by you according to noppa
 <glynis> ummm....yes :)
 <tasha> im the neatest character
 <noppa> AIDS, d31: 5
 <noppa> AIDS, 3d1: 3
 <AIDS> Noppa is ignoring me because I am an evil flooder.
 <AIDS> ok. 
 <AIDS> should I commit suicide? 1 for yes 2 for no 
 <AIDS> 1d2
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d2: 1
 <AIDS> MUST GO DIE 
 <Mogel> hahah
 <Mogel> no!!!!!
 <tasha> 1d2
 <noppa> tasha, 1d2: 1
 <tasha> damn.
 * tasha goes with jarett.
 <Mogel> Should I sleep right now?  1 for yes, 2 for no, 3 to masturbate
 <Mogel> 1d3
 <noppa> Mogel, 1d3: 1
 <AIDS> ahaha 
 <AIDS> Should I jack off over tasha? 1 for yes 
 <AIDS> 1d1
 <noppa> AIDS, 1d1: 1
 <Mogel> hahaha
 <Mogel> okay
 <AIDS> ok
 <AIDS> later
 <tasha> would that be literally OVER me?
 *** Signoff: Mogel (the fates have spoken!)
 IRC log ended Mon Jan 18 00:51

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 [(c)!LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #699-WRITTEN BY: VARIOUS ARTISTS-6/18/99 ]
