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***                                                                  ***
***                                                                  ***
***                            NutWorks                              ***
***                           ----------                             ***
***              The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine for Those            ***
***              Who Have Come To The Ultimate Conclusion            ***
***                That They Are, Therefore They Think !             ***
***                                                                  ***
***  October 1985,  Issue 2, Volume II.     NutWorks is Published    ***
***  monthly.  Leonard M. Friedman aka Spock (CALBC821@CUNYVM)       ***
***  Virtual Editor in Chief.                                        ***
***                                                                  ***
************************************************************************
************************************************************************
 
                            Editor's Comments
                            =================
 
    Well the response to the first issue of nutworks for this  sememster
was incredible.  Some of you  (Yes Knappy, I mean you for one)  sent  me
enough stuff to sort through to keep me busy for quite a while.   Thanks
for all the great stuff everyone out there sent us.  I ran into a slight
problem with several of the articles that were sent to me though.  Alth-
ough they were on the whole great articles, some were  incredibly  long.
I didnt want to clogg up people's readers or the network with an incred-
ibly large issue, so i decided to try something  revolutionary  to  this
magazine that we all know and love, I decided that I would have to  make
some of the articles into several parters (An example is in the Op  Code
article)  I want to stress that I am not complaining about  people send-
ing long articles, on the contrary,  I am  explaining  to you why I  did
what I did.  Besides, we want to make sure that you will read next issue
 
                                   :-)
 
P.S. Knappy Sorry, but it wouldn't  be fair to make an entire issue just
     out of the stuff you sent  me.  It will be  spread out over several
     issues.  Thanks for your support.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                            NutWorks News
                            =============
 
   1) The NutWorks Staff Would like to wish everyone a great time at the
upcoming Netcon being held in Washington, D.C., October 11 - 14.
 
   2) Nutworks will be avialable for Bitnet  users on the  Forum Confer-
encing system  via  the  /getf  Nutworks Issue###  command.  Back issues
have already  been  placed on Forum.  For Usenet users it will be avail-
able  through  Alan (ALAN@NCSUVM.bitnet).  For  more  information please
consult the NutWorks Info File availalbe in a solar  system near you !!!
 
   3) The Staff has decided that on top of distributing NutWorks through
the Forum Conferencing System to create a mailing list.  To get yourself
added to this list send a memo with your account, node, and name (First,
Last) to any of the following:
 
          Lenny aka Spock        CALBC821 @ CUNYVM   (Bitnet)
          Scott aka Orion        CSCSRH   @ CCNYVME  (Bitnet)
          Alan  aka Alan         Alan     @ NCSUVM   (Bitnet, Usenet)
 
Note: Names are strictly for reference purposes.
 
   4) The CURRENT mailing list is 120 People on Bitnet !!! WOW !!!
 
                                   :-)
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                                   Bugs
                                ==========
 
                     I think that I shall never see
                     a subroutine that works for me
                     a macro or a zero test
                     that isn't just a rodent's nest
                     a string that doesn't always stray
                     and mix up bit's in wild array
                     a process with re-entrant flair
                     that isn't just a looping snair
                     routines whose timings are not slain
                     when interrupts begin to rain
                     maybe god can make a tree
                     but bugs are made by guys like me!
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                      Another Glitch in the Call
                      ==========================
            (Sung to the tune of a similar Pink Floyd song.)
                (Contributed By Knappy 8350428 @ UWAVM)
 
     We don't need no indirection
     We don't need no flow control
     No data typing or declarations
        Hey!  You!  Leave those lists alone!
     Chorus:
        All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
     We don't need no side effect-ing
     We don't need no scope control
     No global variables for execution
        Hey!  You!  Leave those args alone!
     (Chorus)
     We don't need no allocation
     We don't need no special nodes
     No dark bit-flipping in the functions
        Hey!  You!  Leave those bits alone!
     (Chorus)
     We don't need no compilation
     We don't need no load control
     No link edit for external bindings
        Hey!  You!  Leave that source alone!
     (Chorus, and repeat)
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                            Proofs
                          ==========
 
The following is a list of some common proof techniques that
are often extremely useful.
 
1  Proof by example:
 
      The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that
      it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
 
2  Proof by intimidation:
      'Trivial.'
 
3  Proof by vigorous handwaving:
 
      Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
 
4  Proof by cumbersome notation:
 
      Best done with access to at least four alphabets
      and special symbols.
 
5  Proof by exhaustion:
 
      An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is
      useful.
 
6  Proof by omission:
 
      'The reader may easily supply the details.'
      'The other 253 cases are analogous.'
      '...'
 
7  Proof by obfuscation:
 
      A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless
      syntactically related statements.
 
8  Proof by wishful citation:
 
      The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization
      of a theorem from literature to support his claims.
 
9  Proof by funding:
 
      How could three different government agencies be wrong?
 
10 Proof by eminent authority:
 
      'I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably
      NP-complete.'
 
11 Proof by personal communication:
 
      'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
      [Karp, personal communication].'
 
12 Proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
 
      ' To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping
      is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'
 
13 Proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
 
      The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be
      found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
      Philological Society, 1883.
 
14 Proof by importance:
 
      A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
      proposition in question.
 
15 Proof by accumulated evidence:
 
      Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.
 
16 Proof by cosmology:
 
      The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless.
      Popular for proofs of the existence of God.
 
17 Proof by mutual reference:
 
      In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in
      reference B,  which is shown from Corollary 6.2 in reference C,
      which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.
 
18 Proof by metaproof:
 
      A method is given to construct the desired proof. The
      correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques.
 
19 Proof by picture:
 
      A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well
      with proof by omission.
 
20 Proof by vehement assertion:
 
      It is useful to have some kind of authority in relation to
      the audience.
 
21 Proof by ghost reference:
 
      Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears
      in the reference given.
 
22 Proof by forward reference:
 
      Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author,
      which is often not as forthcoming as at first.
 
23 Proof by semantic shift:
 
      Some standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for
      the statement of the result.
 
24 Proof by appeal to intuition:
 
      Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                             The Virus
                             =========
                        by: J. Keith Lehman
                  WT123275 @ WVNVAXA (Fozzy Bear)
 
 
    SEP-16-2007
 
       BRAM (Bacterial Random Access Memory) was the greatest innov-
    ation in the computer industry since the introduction of thought
    recognition systems back in 1997.  Before BRAM, most home compu-
    ters had more than  64  gigabytes  of memory.  Now the amount of
    memory is governed by the need.  If you need more memory, simply
    "uncage" some of your multiplying bacteria.  In a matter of sec-
    onds the  bacteria  will  divide  into  astronomical amounts  of
    memory using normal cell division.  Information is stored in the
    DNA molecules of the bacteria which you produce.
 
       By the year 2002, nearly every computer system relied on BRAM
    for the  huge  amount of  storage  required to translate thought
    processes into a form computers could read.  All governments had
    BRAM  based defense  systems and  now the  BRAM  technology  had
    finally arrived on the home market.  For only $32,000  (the cost
    of an average laser printer)  you could buy a  BRAM  module  for
    your home system. They sold every one they could make.
 
       The tragedy occured when a disgruntled employee of the Genen-
    comp division of  Eastern-IBM  started to research ways to alter
    the genetic structures of the  BRAM  bacteria  through a type of
    virus.  His apparent aim was to hold Eastern-IBM's data hostage.
    He was  given everything  that he demanded in the hope that  IBM
    scientists could discover the strain before he could release it.
    After extensive searches it  was determined that the virus was a
    hoax.   IBM had the man arrested and he was sentenced to 2 years
    in a minimum security prison.  IBM continued to produce the BRAM
    module, and for a while everything went smoothly.
 
       Until...   It turned  out that the  employee  had  hidden the
    infamous  strain in the form of  actual electrical  instructions
    embedded within a variable-bit microprocessor used in IBM's most
    popular  mini-computer.  The  program was  set to  execute auto-
    matically after four months.   Upon execution,  the instructions
    reprogrammed an innocent  BRAM  bacteria into a cancerous virus.
    The entire  IBM  computer  system was  destroyed.  Consumers and
    businesses lost faith in IBM  and the company filed for  Chapter
    11 within a week.
 
      The instructions to reprogram the bacteria were simultaneously
    transmitted to every computer on every  network connected in any
    way to IBM--which turned out to be quite a lot. The IBM research
    network  was connected  to popular  world wide  networks used by
    colleges,  businesses,  home computer owners and defense depart-
    ment computers as well. The result--TOTAL ANNIHILATION of nearly
    every computer big and small.
 
       Businesses suddenly had no records, no way to take new orders
    or any way to confirm existing orders.   Thousands of businesses
    crumbled.  The  world  economy was  thrust into  chaos  as banks
    closed and called in their loans. Several smaller countries were
    hit by  revolutions. The  news  media  compared  it to a nuclear
    blast hitting the economy of every country in the world.
 
       Needless to say, BRAM was declared to be a threat to national
    security  and federal  authorities  had the  authority to arrest
    anyone  caught  experimenting with it.  The disgruntled employee
    was exiled out of the  U.S.  (the  first time  anyone  had  been
    exiled since 1990).  The  IRS  suspended  all audits for 2 years
    because  they could not  expect people to to complete  their tax
    forms correctly  without the aid of computers. Everyone  dragged
    out their  old silicon  based  computers  and tried to cope with
    losing  all the information formerly in the BRAM systems.
 
       Two years later the virus died out  due to a lack of new BRAM
    to feed on. Some BRAM systems were revived with a new antibiotic
    organism  that roamed  throughout the  memory  serching  for any
    trace of a virus. Fortunately,  no other virus has been found...
    yet...!
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                  SEMICONDUCTOR DEFINITIONS AND TERMINOLOGY
                  =========================================
 
  HOLES .................... the presence of nothing
 
  HOLE DENSITY ............. a concentrated amount of nothing in 1
                             small place
 
  ELECTRON ................. the absence of holes
 
  PLANCK'S CONSTANT ........ two board feet
 
  JUNCTION ................. fork in the road
 
  P-N JUNCTION ............. roadside rest area
 
  SEMI-CONDUCTOR ........... truck driver
 
  DEGENERATE SEMICONDUCTOR . truck driver who likes his tea
 
  DOPE ..................... someone you know
 
  HEAVILY DOPED ............ someone you wish you didn't know
 
  STORE CHARGE ............. wine cellar
 
  SILICON .................. a gay prisoner
 
  GERMANIUM ................ would have been a flower but someone
                             misspelled it
 
  TRANSPORT FACTOR ......... cousin of Max Factor
 
  MAJORITY CARRIER ......... Republican  carrying  signs  at  a
                             Republican convention
 
  MINORITY CARRIER ......... Democrat carrying signs at a Republican
                             convention
 
  BASE ..................... low man in a quartet
 
  COMMON BASE .............. local pub
 
  COLLECTOR ................ one who collects
 
  COMMON COLLECTOR ......... one who collects from everybody
 
  COLLECTOR CAPACITY ....... maximum # of people  a common  collector
                             can handle
 
  COLLECTOR BREAKDOWN ...... result of being a common collector
 
  VOLTAGE DROP ............. a candy, like a gum drop
 
  CURRENT DENSITY .......... present stupidity
 
  CURRENT GAIN ............. most recent rise in one's stock
 
  POWER GAIN ............... fullback up the middle
 
  ATOM ..................... part of an  American  colloquial
                             expression, "up & atom"
 
  DELAY TIME ............... time it takes to start working after one
                             has arrived on the premises
 
  RISE TIME ................ time one takes to get up in the morning
                             after the alarm has gone off
 
  FALL TIME ................ September to November
 
  SWITCHING TRANSISTORS .... act of changing one transistor for another
 
  DCTL ..................... Don't Complain if the Transistor's Lousy
 
  IcZERO ................... mistake, it should read "I see Zorro"
 
  MINIATURE ................ small
 
  MICRO .................... damn small
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                        OP CODES PART I (A - E)
                        =======================
                 (Contributed By Knappy 8350428 @ UWAVM)
 
     mnemonic      meaning
     --------      -------
     AAC           Alter All Commands
     AAD           Alter All Data
     AAO           Add And Overflow
     AAR           Alter At Random
     AB            Add Backwards
     ABR           Add Beyond Range
     ACC           Advance CPU clock
     ACQT          Advance Clock to Quitting Time
     ADB           Another Damn Bug [UNIX]
     AEE           Absolve engineering errors
     AFF           Add Fudge Factor
     AFHB          Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary
     AFP           Abnormalized Floating Point
     AFVC          Add Finagle's Variable Constant  "the constant
                      that must be added to make your data support
                      your conclusions"
     AGB           Add GarBage
     AI            Add Improper
     AIB           Attack Innocent Bystander
     AMM           Answer My Mail
     AOI           Annoy Operator Immediate
     AR            Alter Reality
     ARNZ          Add & Reset to Non-Zero
     ARZ           Add & Reset to Zero
     AS            Add Sideways
     AT            Accumulate Trivia
     AWP           Argue With Programmer
     AWTT          Assemble With Tinker Toys
     BAC           Branch to Alpha Centauri
     BAF           Blow All Fuses
     BAH           Branch And Hang
     BALC          Branch And Link Cheeseburger
     BAW           Bells And Whistles
     BB            Branch on bug
     BBB           Burn Baby Burn
     BBBB          Byte Baudy Bit and Branch
     BBI           Branch on Blinking Indicator
     BBL           Branch on Burned-out Lamp
     BCB           Burp and Clear Bytes
     BCBF          Branch on Chip Box Full
     BCIL          Branch Creating Infinite Loop
     BCR           Backspace Card Reader
     BCU           Be Cruel and Unusual
     BD            Backspace Disk
     BDC           Break Down and Cry
     BDM           Branch and Disconnect Memory
     BDT           Branch on Dumb Terminal
     BDT           Burn Data Tree [next opcode after Decorate Data
                      Tree
     BDU           Branch on Dumb User
     BE            Branch Everywhere [As in HHGttG's Infinite
                      Improbability Computer"
     BF            Belch Fire
     BH            Branch and Hang
     BIRM          Branch on Index Register Missing
     BLC           Branch and Loop Continuous
     BLM           Branch, Like, Maybe
     BLMWM         Branch, Like, Maybe, Wow, Man
     BLR           Branch and Lose Return
     BM            Branch Maybe
     BMI           Branch on Missing Index
     BNA           Branch to Nonexistent Address
     BNR           Branch for No Reason
     BOA           Branch on Operator Absent
     BOD           Branch on Operator Desperate
     BOHP          Bribe Operator for Higher Priority
     BOP           Boot OPerator
     BPD           Branch on Programmer Debugging
     BPIM          Bury Programmer In Manuals
     BPO           Branch on Power Off
     BR            Byte and Run
     BRA           BRanch Anywhere
     BRA           Branch to Random Address
     BRI           BRanch Indefinitely
     BRO           BRanch to Oblivion
     BRP           Branch on Real Programmer
     BRT           BRanch on Tuesdays
     BSC           Burst Selector Channel
     BSM           Branch and Scramble Memory
     BSO           Branch on Sleepy Operator
     BSP           BackSpace Printer
     BST           Backspace & Stretch Tape
     BTD           Byte The Dust
     BTJ           Branch & Turn Japanese
     BTO           Branch To Oblivion
     BW            Branch on Whim
     BWABL         Bells, Whistles And Blinking Lights
     BWOP          BeWilder OPerator
     CAF           Convert Ascii to Farsic
     CAI           Corrupt Accounting Information
     CAIL          Crash After I Leave
     CAT           Confused And Tired [UNIX]
     CBA           Compare & Branch Anyway
     CBNC          Close, But No Cigar
     CBS           Clobber BootStrap
     CC            Call Calvary
     CC            Crappy Control [UNIX]
     CCB           Consult Crystal Ball
     CCCP          Conceal Condition-Codes Permanently
     CCD           Choke, Cough and Die
     CCD           Clear Current Directory "this may really exist!"
     CCD           Clear Core and Dump
     CCR           Change Channels Random
     CCS           Chinese Character Set
     CCWR          Change Color of Write Ring
     CDR           Complement Disk Randomly
     CFS           Corrupt File Structure
     CG            Convert to Garbage
     CH            Create Havoc
     CHAPMR        CHAse Pointers Around Machine Room
     CIB           Change Important Byte
     CIMM          Create Imaginary Memory Map
     CM            Circulate memory
     CMD           CPU Melt Down
     CMD           Compare Meaningless Data
     CMI           Clobber Monitor Immediately
     CML           Compute Meaning of Life (42)
     CMP           Create Memory Prosthesis
     CMS           Click MicroSwitch
     CN            Compare Nonsensically
     CNB           Cause Nervous Breakdown
     COLB          Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
     COMF          COMe From
     COS           Copy Object Code to Source File
     COWHU         Come Out With your Hands Up
     CP%FKM        CPU - Flakeout mode
     CP%WM         CPU - Weird Mode
     CPB           Create Program Bug
     CPR           Compliment PRogrammer ("Aren't you cute!")
     CPSN          Change Processor Serial Number
     CRASH         Continue Running after Stop or Halt
     CRM           Clear Random Memory
     CRN           Convert to Roman Numerals [IBM Italy only]
     CRYPT         reCuRsive encrYPt Tape mnemonic [UNIX]
     CS            Crash System
     CSL           Curse and Swear Loudly
     CSN           Call Supervisor Names
     CSNIO         Crash System on Next I/O
     CSU           Call Self Unconditional  " the ultimate in
                      recursive programming"
     CSYS          Crash SYStem
     CTDMR         Change Tape Density, Mid Record
     CUC           Cheat Until Caught
     CVFL          Convert Floating to Logical
     CVFP          ConVert FORTRAN to PASCAL
     CVG           ConVert to Garbage
     CVU           ConVert to Unary
     CWAH          Create Woman And Hold
     CWDC          Cut Wires and Drop Cores
     DA            Develop Amnesia
     DAP           De-select Active Peripheral
     DAUF          Delete All Useless Files "would YOU trust a
                      computer that far ???"
     DBL           Desegregate Bus Lines
     DBR           Debase Register
     DBZ           Divide By Zero
     DC            Degauss Core
     DC            Divide and Conquer
     DCAD          Dump Core And Die
     DCD           Drop Cards Double
     DCGC          Dump Confusing Garbage to Console
     DCI           Disk Crash Immediate
     DCON          Disable CONsole
     DCT           Drop Cards Triple
     DCWPDGD       Drink Coffee, Write Program, Debug, Get Drunk
     DD            Destroy Disk
     DDC           Daily During Calculations
     DDOA          Drop Dead On Answer
     DDS           Delaminate Disk Surface
     DEB           Disk Eject Both
     DEC           Decompile Executable Code
     DEI           Disk Eject Immediate
     DEM           Disk Eject Memory
     DES           Disk Eject Swapped
     DHTPL         Disk Head Three Point Landing
     DIA           Develop Ineffective Address
     DIIL          Disable Interrupts and enter Infinite Loop
     DIRFW         Do It Right For Once
     DISC          DISmount CPU
     DJ            Deferred Jump
     DK            Destroy Klingons
     DK%WMM        Disk Unit - Washing Machine Mode
     DKP           Disavow Knowledge of Programmer
     DLN           Don't Look Now...
     DLP           Drain Literal Pool
     DMPE          Decide to Major in Physical Education
     DMPK          Destroy Memory Protect Key
     DO            Divide & Overflow
     DOC           Drive Operator Crazy
     DPC           Decrement Program Counter
     DPMI          Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
     DPR           Destroy Program
     DPS           Disable Power Supply
     DRAF          DRAw Flowchart
     DRI           Disable Random Interrupt
     DRT           Disconnect Random Terminal
     DS            Deadlock System
     DSH           Destroy Sector Header
     DSI           Do Something Interesting
     DSPK          Destroy Storage Protect Key
     DSR           Detonate Status Register
     DSTD          Do Something Totally Different
     DSUIT         Do Something Utterly, Indescribably Terrible
     DT%FFP        DecTape - unload and Flappa-FlaP
     DT%SHO        DecTape - Spin Hubs Opposite
     DTC           Destroy This Command
     DTI           Do The Impossible
     DTRT          Do The Right Thing
     DTVFL         Destroy Third Variable From Left
     DU            Dump User
     DUD           Do Until Dead
     DVC           Devaluate Computer
     DW            Destroy Work
     DW            Destroy World
     DWIM          Do What I Mean
     DWIT          Do What I'm Thinking
     DWL           Define Word Length
     DWLZ          Define Word Length Zero
     EBRS          Emit Burnt Resistor Smell
     EC            Eat card
     EC            Eject Carriage
     ECI           Execute Current Instruction
     ECL           Early Care Lace
     ECO           Electrocute Computer Operator
     ECP           Erase Card Punch
     ED            Eject Disk
     ED            Execute Data [UNIX]
     EDD           Eat Disk and Die
     EDIT          Erase Data and Increment Time
     EDR           Execute Destructive Read
     EDS           Execute Data Segment
     EEP           Erase Entire Program
     EFD           Eject Floppy Disk
     EIAO          Execute In Any Order
     EIO           Erase I/O page
     EIOC          Execute Invalid OpCode
     EIP           Execute Programmer Immediately
     EJD%V         EJect Disk with initial velocity V
     ELP           Enter Loop Permanently
     EM            Emulate 407
     EM            Evacuate Memory
     EMSL          Entire Memory Shift Left
     EMT           Electrocute Maintenance Technician
     EMW           Emulate Matag washer
     ENF           Emit Noxious Fumes
     ENH           Execute No-op & Hang
     EO            Execute Operator
     EOI           Execute Operator Immediate
     EP            Execute Programmer
     EPI           Execute Programmer Immediate
     EPP           Eject Printer Paper
     EPS           Electrostatic Print and Smear
     EPS           Execute Program Sideways
     EPT           Erase Process Table
     EPT           Erase Punched Tape
     ERI           Execute Random Instruction
     ERIC          Eject Random Integrated Circuit
     EROS          Erase Read Only Storage "Sounds  like an IBM
                      special!"
     ESB           Eject Selectric Ball "from  IBM  selectric
                      typewriter  terminals"
     ESL           Exceed Speed of Light
     ETI           Execute This Instruction [for recursive programs"
     ETM           Emulate Turing Machine
     EVC           Execute Verbal Commands
     EWD           Execute Warp Drive
     EXX           A real instruction on the Zilog Z-80 -Zilog is
                      owned by EXX  on"
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
          A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)
          a great Adventure (game?) took place...
 
    XXXXX   XXXXXX   XXXX        X    X    XX    XXXXX    XXXX    X
    X    X  X       X    X       X    X   X  X   X    X  X    X   X
    X    X  XXXXX   X            X    X  X    X  X    X   XXXX    X
    X    X  X       X            X XX X  XXXXXX  XXXXX        X   X
    X    X  X       X    X       XX  XX  X    X  X   X   X    X
    XXXXX   XXXXXX   XXXX        X    X  X    X  X    X   XXXX    X
 
        It is a period of system war.  User programs striking from
     a hidden directory,  have won their first victory against the
     evil Administrative Empire.  During  the battle,   User spies
     managed to steal secret source code to the Empire's  ultimate
     program:  The  Are-Em Star,  a privileged root  program  with
     enough power to  destroy  an entire file  structure.  Pursued
     by the Empire's sinister audit trail,   Princess Linker races
     aboard her  shell script,  custodian  of the  stolen listings
     that could save her people,  and restore freedom and games to
     the network...
 
     -------------------------------------------------------------
 
        THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKER
 
        As we enter the scene,  an  Imperial Multiplexer is trying
     to kill a consulate ship.   Many of their signals have gotten
     through,   and  RS232  decides  it's time to  fork  off a new
     process before this  old ship is destroyed.   His  companion,
     3CPU, is following him only  because he appears to know where
     he's going..
 
        "I'm going to regret this!" cried  3CPU,  as  he  followed
     RS232 into the buffer.  RS232 closed the pipes,  made the SYS
     call,  and their  process  detached  itself  from the burning
     shell of the ship.  The commander of the Imperial Multiplexer
     was quite  pleased  with  the attack.  "Another  process just
     forked, sir. Instructions?"  asked the lieutenant. "Hold your
     fire.   That  last  power  failure  must  have  caused a trap
     throughout zero. It's not using any cpu time,  so don't waste
     a signal on it."   "We  can't  seem to  find  the  data  file
     anywhere,  Lord Vadic."  "What about that forked process?  It
     could have been holding the channel open,   and just pausing.
     If any links exist, I want them removed or made inaccessable.
     Ncheck the  entire file system  'til it's found,  and nice it
     -20 if you have to."
 
                Meanwhile, in our wandering process...
 
        "Are you sure you can  Ptrace this thing without causing a
     core  dump?" queried  3CPU  to  RS232.    This  thing's  been
     striped,  and I'm in no mood to try and debug it."   The lone
     process finishes execution,   only to find our friends dumped
     on a lonely file system,  with the setuid inode stored safely
     in RS232.  Not knowing what else to do,  they wandered around
     until the jawas grabbed them.
 
        Enter our hero,   Luke Vaxhacker,   who is out to get some
     replacement parts for his uncle. The jawas wanted to sell him
     3CPU,  but 3CPU didn't know how to talk directly to an  11/40
     with RSTS,  so Luke would still needed some sort of interface
     for 3CPU to connect to.  "How about this little RS232 unit ?"
     asked 3CPU.   "I've  delt with him many times before,  and he
     does an  excellent job at  keeping his bits straight."   Luke
     was pressed for time, so he took 3CPU's advice, and the three
     left before they could get swapped out.
 
        However, RS232 is not the type to stay put once you remove
     the retaining screws.   He promptly scurried off into the the
     deserted disk space.  "Great!" cried Luke, "Now I've got this
     little tin box  with the only  link to that file off floating
     in the free disk space.   Well,  3CPU,  we better go find him
     before he gets allocated by someone else."
 
        The two set off,  and finaly traced  RS232  to the home of
     PDP-1 Kenobi,  who was  busily trying to run an Icheck on the
     little RS unit.  "Is this thing yours?   His indirect address
     are all goofed up, and the size is gargatious.   Leave things
     like  this  on  the  loose,  and  you'll  wind  up  with dups
     everywhere.  However,  I  think  I've got  him  fixed up.  It
     seems that he's has a link to a data file on the Are-Em Star.
     This could help the rebel cause."  "I don't care about that,"
     said Luke. "I'm just trying to optimize my uncles scheduler."
     "Oh,  forget about that.   Dec Vadic,  who is responsible for
     your fathers death,   has probably already destroyed his farm
     in search of this little RS232.   It's  time for you to leave
     this place, join the rebel cause, and become a UNIX wizard! I
     know a guy by the name of  Con Solo,   who'll  fly  us to the
     rebel base at a price."
 
     -------------------------------------------------------------
 
        After sifting through the over-written remaining blocks of
     Luke's home directory, Luke and PDP-1 sped away from /u/lars,
     across the surface of the  Winchester  riding  Luke's  flying
     read / write head.  PDP-1  had  Luke  stop at the edge of the
     cylinder overlooking  /usr/spool/uucp. "Unix - to - Unix Copy
     Program;"  said PDP-1.   "You will never find a more wretched
     hive  of bugs  and  flamers.  We must be cautious."   As  our
     heroes'  process entered  /usr/spool/news,  it  was met  by a
     newsgroup of Imperial protection bits.
 
        "State your UID."  commanded their parent process.  "We're
     running under  /usr/guest.  This is our  first  time  on this
     system,"  said Luke.  "Can I see some  temporary  privileges,
     please?" "Uh..."
 
        "This is not the process you are looking for,"   piped  in
     PDP-1,  using an obscure bug to momentarily set his effective
     UID to root.  "We can go about our business."
 
        "This isn't the process we want.  You are free to go about
     your business.  Move along!"  PDP-1  and  Luke made their way
     through a long and tortuous nodelist (cwruecmp!decvax!ucbvax!
     harpo!ihnss!ihnsc!ihnss!ihps3!stolaf!borman)   to a dangerous
     netnode frequented by hackers,  and seldom polled by Imperial
     Multiplexers.  As Luke stepped up to the bus,  PDP-1  went in
     search of a likely file descriptor.  Luke had never seen such
     a collection of weird and exotic device drivers.   Long ones,
     short ones, ones with stacks,  EBCDIC converters,  and direct
     binary interfaces all were drinking data at the bus.
 
        "#@{ *&^%^$$#@ ":><?><"         transmitted a particularly
     unstructured piece of code.   "He doesn't like you,"  decoded
     his coroutine. "Sorry," replied Luke, beginning to backup his
     partitions.  "I  don't like  you  either.   I am  queued  for
     deletion on  12  systems."  "I'll be  careful."   "You'll  be
     reallocated!"   concatenated  the  coroutine.   "This  little
     routine  isn't  worth  the  overhead,"  said  PDP-1  Kenobie,
     overlaying into Luke's address space.  "@$%&(&^%&$$@$#@$AV^$g
     fdfRW$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  encoded the first coroutine as it
     attempted to overload PDP-1's  input over voltage protection.
     With a unary stroke of his  bytesaber,   Kenobie unlinked the
     offensive code.  "I think I've found an I/O device that might
     suit us."   "The name's  Con Solo.  I hear you're looking for
     some relocation."  "Yes indeed,  if it's a fast channel.   We
     must get  off this device."    "Fast channel?   The  Milliamp
     Falcon  has made the  ARPA gate  in  less than  twelve nodes!
     Why,  I've even outrun cancelled messages.   It's fast enough
     for you, old version."
 
        Our heroes,  Luke Vaxhacker  and  PDP-1 Kenobie made their
     way  to  the  temporary  file  structure.  When  he  saw  the
     hardware,  Luke exclaimed, "What a piece of junk! That's just
     a paper tape reader!"
 
     -------------------------------------------------------------
 
        Stay tune for the further adventures of Luke Vaxhacker in
     The next issue of Nutworks.. --Ed
 
     -------------------------------------------------------------
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
                             NutWorks Staff
                             ==============
 
   Editor in Chief           Lenny aka Spock        CALBC821 @ CUNYVM
   Associate Editor          Scott aka Orion        CSCSRH   @ CCNYVME
   Distribution Manager      Alan  aka Alan         Alan     @ NCSUVM
   Distribution FORUM        Steve aka Segger       STEVE    @ BITNIC
 
 
