
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #382 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##:::::::    "I Thought Ignorance Was Supposed     !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########:               To Be Bliss"               !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> Caitlin                   12/25/98 !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        she said "I heard what you said about her."

        I said, "Fuck that.  I don't care about her."

        She told me I was a horrible person and that no body trusts me.

        Yeah, well, the only two people that actually care about her
 somewhat don't trust me.  That's because I don't like them.  they're
 both similiar... hating life...... CONVINCED!  the whole world is
 against them.

        I just wrote it off... who cares.

        BUT I REALLY DO CARE!  DAMNIT!  I'm so sick and tired of every
 little annoying cunt thinking I care about them enough to actually talk
 about them.  I mean... if someone is a psychotic bitch... I'll tell
 them, and I'll tell other people.  But Jesus Christ, why can't they let
 things go.  I really don't want to be like them, so this is hard for me
 to talk about, but WHY?!

        Would you get offended if people that you didn't like anyway said
 they didn't like you for <insert any given reason here>?  Would you
 waste the emotional effort to hate someone because they don't like you?

        I don't really understand it.  Maybe the hating is normal... but
 why the constant dwelling on it?  I don't like being sad... but they
 can't seem to like it any other way.  Hell... if it's sunny out.. they
 lock themselves in the house to cry.  If it's raining... they'll walk in
 the rain and complain about the lack of sun.  Why the FUCK can't they
 come away from that shit... maybe that's why they're on about every
 anti-depressent available..

        Okay... end of the introductory rant.  Here's the start of my
 story....

 I. Allison
 ==========

        I met her a month after I became great friends with her older
 sister, Annie.  I knew from the first sniff of her she was trouble.

        After 3 days of hanging out she decided she hated me.  I,
 worried, just ignored her, tried not to be around her... you know.. the
 usual.  She came up to me, and started trouble!  So we made up, I don't
 remember why.  And from that point on... every week she found another
 fucking reason to be mad at me.  Little ones... usually resulting from
 little selfish things I did to keep myself happy... nonetheless, little.
 Nothing harmful to anyone... but anyways...

        The only reason I ever was nice to her, repeadately was to make
 it easy, 'cause I didn't care about her, and to make things easier for
 her sister.

        I've determined... Allison is the epitome of ignorance, and all
 that good stuff that makes me not want to talk about her.

 II. Sarah
 =========

        I fell in love with Sarah's simplicity the first time I saw her.
 Straight blonde hair, empty blue eyes, khakis, and a black tight shirt.
 I met her at a church (long story) and from then on we were close.  We
 gradually grew closer and closer until I (subconciously) released how 
 ignorant she was (I acknowledged it later on..) and in that ignorance I
 found some comfort.  I wanted her... bad.  Everything I did, in
 someway was to make her happy.  She was my submissive, little, straight
 girl... that even though she held my hand wherever we went... out of
 fear... I could never, ever have her.  There were times it looked
 hopeful...

        I remember talking to her on the phone one day, we were dating
 brothers at the time... and she asked me if when we broke up with them
 one day, if her and I could "go out" whatever that meant to her... who
 knows.

        She was always looking at some way to cling to me, closer then
 she already was.  It gradually started with the holding of hands, moving
 to that point where she would kiss me, flirt, little girl like... it was
 weird.  That's all I can say...

        I eventually acknowledged her ignorance.  I quit calling her.  I
 quit hanging out with her.  I even ignored her calls when I saw then on
 my caller ID.  I grew to hate, despise, abhor everything about her.  In
 good reason, too.  Once school started I pretended things were normal
 for simplicities sake.  She wasn't worth my time anymore.

 III. and
 ========

        Sarah's nice to my face.  Allison isn't. 

        Sarah hates me.  Allison does, too.

        Sarah tells others not to trust me.

        As does Allison.

        And I don't give two shits either way.

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    #382 - WRITTEN BY: CAITLIN - 12/25/98 !!
