
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================!!
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #262 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================!!
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "An Act of God"                          !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Jesse                              !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/3/98                                  !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        i'm pissed.  i have angst.  i recently received a jvc (c) brand
 portable cd player.  being the concerned customer that i am i read the
 warranty card.  i began reading what it does not cover.  it read something
 like below. 

 WHAT IS NOT COVERED: 

 blahblah blah _blah_

 1:  blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
     blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
     blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

 2:  blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

 3:  blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
     blah blah blah blah

 4:  damage that occurs in shipment, due to act of god, and cosmetic damage.

        everything after that is useless, but i was confused about that act
 of god statement.  since when has god been interested in the warranties of
 jvc (c) brand cd players?  furthermore, by that statement they act as if
 god is on their side. god says, don't steal.  at the price they sell us
 these electronics, god, in theory, would strike them down.  i want god on
 my side.  it should say "does not cover if:  god strikes you down with
 repeated bolts of lightning."

 god doesn't even exist. 

        i'm an atheist, but it pisses me off that god is getting so much
 free publicity.  atheists don't get so much advertisement, let alone free.

        hm.  i wonder if these god sponsoring companies think about their
 god much.  my guess is not.  maybe they have a different god then most
 people, because last i checked, god didn't approve of paying workers
 pennys a week.  thats last time i checked, things might have changed.

 god doesn't exist though. 

        either way, whether god exists or not, there is no dispute that old
 cheese smells, be it on a jvc (c) brand portable cd player or not.  i
 wonder if god could change this, because i'd like my cheese to not stink.
 cheese looks and more importantly taste better when its not stinky.  there
 is no dispute about this.  this is nearly common knowledge, i should
 think, aside from third world countries who do not know about cheese, jvc
 (c) brand portable cd players, or god. 

 but really, there is no god. 

        i mean, what kind of god allows jvc (c) brand portable cd players
 to break, or cheese to stink?  i mean, this is truly prepostrous.  most
 people would not let cheese get stinky, and we are in god's image.  so
 what kind of message is this sending to the children?  they see god lets
 cheese go stinky, hence we are raising heretic children.  we need another
 inquisition about right now.  we need to get all the people responsible
 for stinky cheese.  we need to go after god too, because he is the brains
 behind this crazy scheme.  he is responsible for the general public
 creating stinky cheese. 

 but in all seriousness, there is no god. 

        the children, the children i tell you.  for the love of christ man,
 do it for the children.  can they help it if they are raised in a world
 of stinky cheese?  no, for they do not know any better.  stop supporting
 god and say no to stinky cheese.  our pro-choice stance is negotiable, but
 we are adamant about our cheese.

 well, maybe there is a god? 

 !!========================================================================!!
 !!   (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #262 - WRITTEN BY: JESSE -- 11/3/98    !!
