
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #499 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Meet The Other Writers"                 !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> The HOE Staff                      !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 3/3/99                                   !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        Basically a continuation of HOE #300, the following is a
 collection of the responses to 5 pre-determined interview questions that
 I e-mailed to the "newer" group of HOE writers that have appeared in the
 last few months.

        You'll find 21 interviews here, featuring the following writers:

             Avenger, Isaac, Paganini, Meenk, Ramsey String, Glynis,
             Zaff, The Jester, LilNilHil, Daisy, Metal Chick, M4D 3LF,
             Hardcore, Muze, Girl From Mars, Miasma, Darwin, Caitlin,
             Reflecks, TPP, and PezMonkey.

        Kaia and Cap'n Sparky are not included because they never sent me
 an interview.  Have fun.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Metal Chick
 ===========

 Name: Melissa
 1st t-file: HOE #92, "DIE MIKE!"
 Quote: "You've got cool hair."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        My brother sat on the computer all day, and one day I just
 realized, "oh, that might be fun... and I was a real Metallica-listening
 burnout when I was 12-13, so I picked "Metal Chick".  Yes, as in heavy
 metal.

 (2) What do you like?

        I like sleeping.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I'll have to get back to you on that one.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        The only reason I ever wrote for h0e was because it was a joke.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        I already scored with the member of h0e that I wanted to, so it
 doesn't really matter who it is.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Isaac
 =====

 Name: Isaac
 1st t-file: HOE #381, "Ego et Internet"
 Quote: "Fuck man, why was the toilet paper so rough?"

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

	Logical progression: computer -> modem -> ezines

 (2) What do you like?

        I like to study philosophy, pyschology, and computer science.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

	No long term conscious goals.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        It means getting to share the shit you write.  So now, you are
 not alone in enjoying it.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Tasha and Darwin.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Paganini
 ========

 Name: Sarah
 1st t-file: HOE #371, "Naked People (Are People, too)"

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        A boy name John Heisel, whom I love and adore, was bored one
 night and referred me to the site.

 (2) What do you like?

        I read a lot.  I love history.  I eat cereal religiously.  For
 some reason Peter Gabriel and Sunny Day Real Estate have become
 favorites of mine and I learned how to swing dance this summer.  I never
 get to go anymore though, and I think it's probably a good idea to avoid
 joining the whole "The Gap supports Swing Dancing trend."

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I'm a history major, so I guess I will just end up teaching it 
 someday.  It would be cool to be one of those people on A&E who sit
 there and talk about things that you would never really consider.  I
 don't want to live in Rockford, Illinios for the rest of my life.  I
 think the rest is all "time will tell".

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        ha!  So many things we could do with this question.  hOe is good.
 It is a good thing.  I don't know, I came onto the site one day and read
 some hilarious essay about annoying people and some strange essay about
 midgets and it just gave me the strength to go on.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Well, Mogel obviously.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Avenger
 =======

 Name: Mike
 1st t-file: Choatic Swirl #1, "Various Grafts"
 1st HOE issue: #322, "How to Make Top Ten Lists"
 Quote: "Apparently so."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        ANSI, of course.  I was an ANSI artist back in the day('94) and
 the ANSI and E'Zine scenes tread a thin line between each other.  I went
 over the line one day and published Choatic Swirl E'Zine, ran it for 103
 issues of 90% my writing. 

        CS wasn't a very fun 'zine, so after it closed in '96 of my own
 accord, I got bored with the 'net and pretty much was inactive in any 
 online scenes for a long time.  

        Recently, I had a craving to publish some articles, so I
 constructed Succumbed to Nothing E'Zine.  The name is an obvious rip off
 of DTO, but I liked the pattern.  <Past Tense Verb> to <Descriptive
 Noun>.  oh-so-witty.

 (2) What do you like?

        I like writing in all-lowercase, and those rad purple lava lamps.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I want to publish 1000 'zine articles before I shrivel up and
 become a sysop.

        Maybe I could go to MIT somewhere in there.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE means a bunch of silly writers and pig-based HTML that spun
 out of control, but remained good at the same time.  HOE's fun to write
 for & read.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        That rad pig on the HOE News page.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Muze
 ====

 Name: Liz
 1st t-file: HOE #128, "The Fun I had with a Crazy, Old Vietnamese Lady"
 Quote: "The longer I stay in school, the dumber I feel."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        I think I was 16 or 17, I can't remember that far back.  I'm 21
 now.  I do remember my dad buying this little piece of shit PS1.  It was
 so cute, the monitor was the computer, so tiny.  So he found out about
 this BBS on Netnitco.  So I got on that.  I was "Sita".  So that's how
 it happened.  Oh, and I got involved because I wanted to get laid.  Then
 I realized I didn't want to touch these people -- not the HOE people, but
 the BBS people.  So that's what happened.

 (2) What do you like?

       Uhm, I write web pages.  That's what I'm into.  That and going out
 to the bars, trying to get laid, but that never works.  People in bars
 are scummy.  My brother has this band, so I help with that, too.  It's
 called Jump In the Dumpster.  There's another one too, tho, that I like.
 TAXI.  So I like music, too.  But I hate people.  Most people.  The
 people that shop at Southlake Mall where I work, I hate them.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I want to be just like Mogel when I grow up.  Anyways, I'm going
 to school for Criminal Justice.  I'm gonna be a homicide detective
 because some bastard killed a couple of my friends and I never want that
 to happen again.  To anyone.  Don't laugh, cuz it's true.  Unhappiness.
 Otherwise I have no goals, because I have no life, because I spend my
 time sitting in my room writing stupid stuff for HOE...... <sigh>

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

      HOE means so much to me.  It gives me the chance to open up to the
 world and tell them all to fuck off!  No one <snivel> has ever done that
 for me.  HOE is always there when I need it, and it never lets me down.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?
       
        Well, being truthful, no thank you very much.  But I'm going to
 be a good sport and say Mogel and Styx.  Get your laughs while you can,
 boys!

 !!========================================================================!!

 Caitlin
 =======

 Name: Caitlin
 1st t-file: HOE #382, "I Thought Ignorance Was Supposed To Be Bliss"
 Quote: "Girls are mean."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        It all started with AOL.  Muah.  Then I found out about private
 chats and warez, and I hung out in FW2 (freewarez2) like the lil' poser
 I am.  I didn't even know what warez were!  Hah!  Anyways... so I got my
 first little online boyfriend that would IM bomb people for me, and play
 Scrambler with our neat little proggies. then he introduced me to IRC,
 and #teenlove... then I just learned.  I really dislike it now, even
 though it's brought me on a lot of neat adventures...
 
 (2) What do you like?

        I like people, I like music, I like comfortable silences, I like
 love, I like everything in some way or another.  I can't define myself
 anymore cuz I'm interested in everything.  Everything is just a giant
 'round circle.  I like Thai food... but some days I'd rather eat Mexican.
 Who knows?  I like being intrigued... I like reading, too, a lot.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        Well, I'd like to live someplace neat, but I want to travel.
 Maybe I'll reside in New York City or Philly or Chicago... who knows?  I
 like the east coast a lot... I want to write music and meet people, and
 play music for people... I guess I'll be in all seriousness on this,
 too... I really would like to meet some sort of "soulmate", whatever
 that is.  I'm not too much for dating people, but sometimes I stumble
 upon people and they squeeze those deep absences in my psyche... and it's
 neat to find what spurts out.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        Well, other then the garden tool, or your average slut -- there's
 HOE.  I don't know exactly what it means to me.  It's nice to feel like
 I've got friends that are actually somewhat decen't people.  The internet
 has always been a game to me... it's a new field I'm playing in now. I
 like it, too (oh yeah!  i like writing a lot.. everything.. music,
 stories, poetry... uhm, everything!).

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Hmm, I can joke or be serious here.  I think a lot of stuff is a
 mixture of both... I think it's the best that way, too.  Jeez. I dunno,
 I'd like to get _sex_ from a lot of people.  I don't know if I'd ever
 really take up the chance on it, unless you gave me a bottle of JD... and
 some crackers... anyways, so yeah... I think I'd like to make Meenk
 smile!!  but i haven't even met any of you jigga'z in real life, 'cept
 Tasha.  Tasha and I do not have sex, okay?!?!?!?!

 !!========================================================================!!

 TPP
 ===

 Name: Matt
 1st t-file: Stormtroopers of Death #1
 1st HOE issue: #340, "Drugs are bad, mmMM kay?"
 Quote: "I don't mean to advocate sex, violence, and hardcore drug use,
         but they've always worked for me."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        Shortly after i got a computer, some kid at school gave me a list
 of local PD bbs's. From there i stumbled into the warez scene. Eventually
 i got kicked off a number of PD boards for really petty reasons. I think
 everyone who runs a PD bbs does it so they can play god with their users.
 Anyway, i was on this one warez board that had a decent H/P section. I
 leeched a bunch of this shit and started crashing dozens of PD boards. I
 perfected this skill to an art, bypassing any futile security messures
 the sysops set up. I remember one of them bragging about how his new
 auto-callback validation would keep me and all other hackers out.  I set
 it up to dial 911, and then the local police after he fixed that hole.
 Eventually the warez scene pissed me off too, so i started crashing them
 as well. Then one day i dialed up Live Wire and some other REAL H/P
 boards and finally started doing some real hacking. I started writing for
 VaS and the rest is history.

 (2) What do you like?

        Writing, "Research Chemicals", guns, violence, meeting weird
 people, WWF, total freedom and all forms of bad craziness. Notice i did
 not include computers or hacking.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        Gain Immortality and liberate the world. Why settle for anything
 less?

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        A way for Mogel to mack computer chicks. My work writing for HOE is
 something i can put into a portfolio or resume. Wheras even mentioning VaS
 would probably get me blackballed from any freelancing job.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Ziego Vuantar, Zaff, Avenger, Mutter, Phairgirl, Caitlin, Seaya,
        Soybean, Tasha, Art, Neko, AnonGirl, Kreid, Cyn, AltRocks, Aster,
        Mogel, LilNilHil, Styx, Paganini, Cstone, Isaac, Glynis, Nybar,
        Meenk, The Jester, Teerts, Trilobyte, AIDS, Ramsey String, Daisy,
        Muze, Darwin, Quarex, Anjee, PezMonkey, Swiss Pope, Metal Chick,
        Jook, Girl From Mars, M4D 3LF, Hardcore, Reflecks, Kaia, Miasma,
        and Cap'n Sparky.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Glynis
 ======

 Name: Jessica
 1st t-file: GRILL #8, "Progression of Hatred"
 1st HOE issue: #132, "C-"
 Quote: "I met Billy Corgan!"

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        The only way to answer this question would be to say that I'm NOT
 involved in the computer underground.  :)  The only reason that I ever
 wrote in h0e was because it was either forced out of me, or it was e-mail
 to Mogel that was NOT authorized for h0e.  So screw you.  But I will say
 that the only reason I know any of you computer people, or am involved
 with #ezines, or ANY of this crap, is because I had chemistry with Quarex
 my sophomore year of high school (which began the downward spiral of my
 life... just kidding).

 (2) What do you like?

        I'll start with the obvious.  I like The Smashing Pumpkins.
 actually, I'm obsessed with them.  There. I said it.  :P   I also love
 those ice cream sandwiches that use chocolate chip cookies for the cookie
 part instead of that stupid chocolate rectangle.  They have the best kind
 at 7-11.

        I honestly don't like anything else.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        No.  Well, ok, maybe.  I want to go to graduate school in Chicago.
 Doing what, I have no idea.  As long as I'm in Chicago it'll be fine. 

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        Absolutley nothing.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Mogel.  duh.

 !!========================================================================!!

 M4D 3LF
 =======

 Name: Steve
 1st t-file: HOE #438, "Alcohol Discoveries On Electrifying"
 Quote: "It's chock full of fuckedupdedness!"

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        I've been a computer addict even since I started using LOGO on an
 Apple II in elementary school.  I've been online since the fall of '95
 when I started college.  I was soon bored with searching for porn (yeah
 right) and I found web chat.  Although I met a lot of people and
 discovered HTML, I was stagnant on port 80 of our glorious Internet.
 Then after hooking up with some ol' friends from high school, Summer
 (Phairgirl) and some other person, they told me about IRC.  Fast forward
 two years: at work I meet a haxOr friend of mine and, much to my dismay,
 he sees a certin resemblance betwixed me and an elf, so I become
 "Da M4D 3LF".  Soon after Miss Summer Marie and I start talking again
 after a few months of standoffishness and she tells me of the wonderful
 e-zine she writes for and the rest, as they say, is history.

 (2) What do you like?

        Hmmm... I like lots of things in our wonderful world, these
 include:

        Music -- I love music, although not as much as phair does!!,
 techno, 80's, rap, anything good (this discludes n*sync and the like).

        Sex -- I love sex, I'm a perv, I can admit that.  Women know they
 have great power of me because of this.

        Computers n other electro-goodies -- Ask summer about all the
 wires behind her TV n stereo, that's enough to give me an orgasm.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        Well, a friend of mine plans on being the next dictator of Cuba.
 My aspirations don't run so high.  I would like to find a job where I
 could take computers apart all day long, so I guess I'll have to go to
 school, but I wish I could be a Gen X college drop out.  At one time I
 thought I had my family, but as you may or may not know, that's kinda
 fucked there.  I'm hoping to remain romanticly uncleaved for now, maybe
 I could become a little more sable with myself.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        Hail the Omnipitant Elf!  HOE has done a lot for me in a short
 time.  At a time in my life where I need all the laughs I can get, it's
 here for me.  My brain was starting to get mouldy from disuse, but
 writing again is getting the rust out.  Thanks, Summer.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Well I don't go by looks, and I really don't know anyone beside
 Phairgirl, but I don't know if she would count at this point. *wink, ewg*.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Ramsey String
 =============

 Name: Klaus
 1st t-file: HOE #286, "Things To Do with a Brick"
 Quote: "Of course you don't give medicine to children -- that way you weed
         out the weak ones who will end up cluttering the internet with
         still more useless homepages dedicated to teen angst and porn."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        I got involved in the computer underground because I have always
 liked to sit in dark, smelly places and shun the society of my peers.
 And because I am usually pretty much alone when I am writing, the company
 is good.

 (2) What do you like?

        I like championing the causes of the underprivileged masses,
 denied rights because of their lack of financial or social capital.  And
 I like the smell of rain.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        No.  I don't believe in goals, just actions.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        A place to showcase my writing and a community with many people
 whom I do not dislike involved.  Granted I don't know most of you yet.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        I often daydream about scoring with Soybean.  She should send me
 her phone # so I can seduce her.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Girl From Mars
 ==============

 Name: Miriam
 1st t-file: HOE #368, "A Life More Ordinary"
 Quote: "I will always be that secret agent..."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        Hrm... It seems that in everything in which I involve myself, I
 end up underground.  This shall eventually prove true for my life.  But
 seriously folks... I surfaced on IRC when I was about 15, it was a
 feature of my internet provider at the time.  I have gone by a few
 different handles, the first of which being the oh-so-creative "Miri"
 (part of my name), the second being ^faerie^ (a faerie with wings, get
 it? har har) and then the oh-so-punchy "grlfrmars," from the Ash song.

 2) What do you like?

        I try to be a jack-of-all-trades kinda person, and that inevitably
 leads to the "master of none" clause.  I write, play guitar, a teensy bit
 of piano, I attempt to sing on occasion, I'm a DJ for my college radio
 station, etc etc etc... I am a music nut, my favorite stuff is Britpop,
 especially Suede, Pulp, and Morrissey.  The man who somewhat inspired me
 to write is Stephen Fry.  He is so witty, i'm jealous!!  Erm.. I like
 movies as long as they're not soppy, and I'm a rampant anglophile.  I
 guess that's about it.

 3) Do you have any goals?

        My first and formost goal, although it sounds kinda selfish, is
 happiness.  My other goals include being a world-renowned underwater
 basket-weaver, figure skater, interpretive dancer, and forklift operator.
 'Cause those are things I'm good at. 

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        Gosh, I don't know.  For real, I'm not exactly sure why I write!
 I guess HOE serves as a creative outlet for me, since I'd been creatively
 frustrated for a year or so since I began writing.  I don't know the
 first thing about the whole "scene", though.  I tend not to belong to
 "scenes" as a rule, I don't know why, I'm just a pain in the arse, I
 guess.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        He knows who he is.  And that's all I'm going to say about that.

 !!========================================================================!!

 The Jester
 ==========

 Name: Jesse
 1st t-file: HOE #262, "An Act of God"
 Quote: "Stop supporting God and say no to stinky cheese."

(1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        well, i was a young boy, a child at best.  i got a kicking ass 286,
 a modem, and a phone line.  my sister tought me the ways of the bbs, and
 i learned.  i learned about "the underground" from, who you all know and
 love as eightball.  e'zines?  well, i learned about them by myself, of
 course.

 (2) What do you like?

        i like my shoes.  they are *really* cool, you don't even
 understand.  i like to read and write, lots.  although i suck.  i like
 to "chill" with my friends, or something.  i like to drive, because i am
 16 and arrogant.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        i plan on going to college, just to find the world doesn't really
 care about what you know, just who you know.  i want to find god, too.
 also, i'd like to drive across the country this summer.  and, i'd like
 the world to become a pleasant place to live.  and i'd also like to stop
 eating meat, damn it.
    
 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        hoe has given me a chance to write and share my ideas with a wide
 group of people.  it publishes my articles, without censorship, which is
 widely rampant today in america.  it is a free forum for people to
 express ideas, philosophy, and funnee stuff!@#!

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        ziego vuantar, who else?

 !!========================================================================!!

 Daisy
 =====

 Name: Jen
 1st t-file: HOE #390, "Is it Normal or Ugly?" 
 Quote: "Smile!  Everything is always better with a smile!"

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        Well, my really good friend (Muze) happens to write for HOE and
 she told me about it.  I read some of her stuff and also checked it out
 on my own and got really interested and thought it would be a lot of fun
 to get my random, weird thoughts out there.  I'm tired of bottling up
 thoughts on this insane world and I felt HOE might be a good place to
 vent.  E'zines were like foreign to me until Muze introduced me, I'm a
 communications major, so I think it just might be good practice.

 (2) What do you like?

        Is this a play boy question?  Well, here goes *flips hair to one
 side and clears throat*... I like long walks on the beach, dinner by
 candlelight, and fat, stinky old men who have no lives and...... oh man,
 this isn't playboy!!!  Why didn't somebody tell me?!  Damn, let me start
 over.  Okay, I like lots of things... like getting tattoos (i have
 three), hanging out with my wonderful boyfriend, good conversations,
 people who aren't afraid to be themselves, and shopping like a madwoman!
 Music is also amazing, probably the very best thing ever made by man, I
 like country, some alternative, Swing, and even some like softer rock
 like Jewel and Dave Matthews band.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I guess my biggest goal presently is just making it through
 college.  I want to be police officer, or a teacher, or a nurse, or a
 journalist.  Damn, I don't know what I want to do!  I know my boyfriend
 is going to be a doctor, does that count?  I know I want to live in North
 Carolina, and have three children, two boys and one girl, and two dogs,
 a sheep dog and a dalmation.  I want to be successful, but not too
 successful, I've seen way too many people let fame and fortune go to
 their heads.  I wanna be married to my great boyfriend but, I just want
 to be comfy with my life and be able to support myself and not depend on
 a man, it'd be nice of course, but hey it's almost the turn of the
 millennium!  There's no way that'll be politically correct then!

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE is like somewhere I can bitch, somewhere I can inform others
 on my point of view, as well as knowing that the staff and others will
 be open-minded enough to my points of views with respect, as I will
 theirs.  I write for you guys because it is so open and free, anything I
 write could be used, it's not restricted and thats a wonderful thing!

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Score with, like  (shush....sex? ahhhh)... I think Mogel.  Yes,
 you Mogel, would most likely be my pick... just because he seems like a
 nice guy,  Yeah, Mogel, I know you are reading this... but still, he
 seems very sweet.  i'd love to talk to him for like hours and hours
 because he seems to be just as open minded as I am!

 !!========================================================================!!

 Hardcore
 ========

 Name: Harvey
 1st t-file: HOE #93, "My Nipples Are Erect For You!"
 Quote: "I've come to the overall conclusion that girls that are from
         New Jersey don't deserve any oral pleasuring."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        I Started running a bbs when I was 14, back in '92.  A guy came
 along asking if I would be the headquarters for his ANSI group.  Somehow,
 he ended up quitting and I ended up running the group (BROkEN).  I had
 no idea how to run a group and I had no artistic talent, so it was quite
 interesting.  I ended up having fun looking for upcoming talent and all
 that other crap that came along with it.  (including 400 dollar phone
 bills!).  I eventually started losing the little of a life I had.  The
 group eventually came to a end and I decided to take time off and actually
 graduate High School.  This amazingly happened.  Around that time, my most
 favorite cybergurly metalchiq wanted to put something I wrote in something
 called HOE.  I said sure why not, not knowing what HOE was.  Then I
 disappeared from IRC for a while, 'cause I discovered the wonderful world
 of girls.  More than a year later, I came back and bumped into Mogel and
 he told me HOE was still around.  And here I am. (The much abbreviated
 story).

 (2) What do you like?

        I like strawberries, tattoo's that come in crackerjack boxes, H03,
 Mogel in a thong, lords Of Acid, people that aren't full of shit, E, 
 nipples, KMFDM,the letters A, B, and C, the color green, portishead, hard
 liquor, cherry iceee's, mr. pibb, chicken fingers, cookie puss, and
 questions that ask me what I like.
    
 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I'm not one for goals, but my main goal is to graduate college
 before I die. Well, within 6 years.  I may finish in 5 1/2 years the way
 it it is going :}  (I'm not retarted, just slow :))

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE means no Bullshit to me.  If you like it, read it.  If you 
 don't, don't read it.  Simple ain't it. 

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        No Comment.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Zaff
 ====

 Name: Ron
 1st t-file: DTO #3, "Head Like A Dole"
 1st HOE issue: #257, "Serious Art A La T.S. Eliot"
 Quote: "I propose it should be considered morally and socially acceptable
         to murder girls at any point during a romance before they call
         things off."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        The Phil called Murmur told me I should let him send some things I
 wrote to this thing he contributed to.  I am easily flattered so I did.
 Then when I wrote stuff I figured it was as easy to have Phil send it
 somewhere as it was to throw it away.  Eventually I met Mogel who was
 neat.  So now when I write something I am as likely to send it to
 whatever zine Mogel is heading at that point in time as I am to just
 destroy it or put it in a drawer forgotten forever.

 (2) What do you like?

        I love my girlfriend all the time.  Beyond that and a few other
 people who I also like all the time (it is silly to enumerate any list
 that extends beyond three in these cases in that 1) I will omit somebody
 who should be included and 2) nobody actually cares anyway).  I pretty
 much just like whatever makes me feel good at any given point and hate
 whatever makes me feel bad.  A simple, if chaotic way to live, I have
 found.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        Sometimes I try to make up stories about what I want out of life,
 but they always are just lies told to make whomever I am talking with
 happy, I think.  I'll most likely end up doing something dull, but well
 paying, is all I can say with any degree of seriousness.  I do live in
 the hope that someday I will be passing by this guy on the street and he
 will say "Hey I am with MTV, let me make you into a celebrity," and then
 I become famous and universally adored.  I'm getting really old, though.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE is the thing that Mogel is editing that I send things to
 sometimes.  And sometimes somebody will write something interesting for
 it.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        I don't get the question.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Miasma
 ======

 Name: Brad
 1st t-file: HOE #418, "FuCkelibacy Soot Rant"
 Quote: "*COUGH* *COUGH*"  "Hey, man, you okay?"  "Yeah, it's just Miasma."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        Oh shit.  Here we go.  Back when I was a wee lad of 13, I started
 logging on to some local BBSes.  A nice chat board... talked to a couple
 of people.  I was a really bratty kid.  After awhile, just from talking
 to people, I was introduced to the underground (at that time called
 'elite') BBSes.  I started calling some of 'em... mostly warez boards...
 some art type ones.  It was coo'.  Then I decided to start running a
 board of my own.  I called it "Solitary Confinement"... it was at that
 time that I started writing 'lits'.  Lits were literary poems and stuff
 that were usually spooky and usually introduced the BBS.  I was pretty
 big with that for a long time... I started getting more involved in art
 boards, too.

        Soon after that, I found IRC.  This was around the end of '94.  At
 that time it was in between with IRC and BBSes... I joined a local group
 called KINDRED... which had some great artists in it... I headed the lit
 dept.. but I didn't like how things were running, so I dropped out and
 formed WU - "Writers in Unity".  We never released anything, but it was
 just a 'tag' to go along.  At that time my alias had moved from
 Mastermind to Mystic Wind.  For a little bit I started experimenting
 with ansi and after that ascii.

        After that.. I got more into the IRC scene and joined Anemia.  I
 think around that time I had changed to Miasma.  I had gotten pretty
 damn good at ansi/ascii.. I also wrote for "Revolt" for awhile (Revolt
 was a lit group... the only one that really survived and was respected).
 I honed my ascii skills and was hanging out in #ansi and #anemia... and
 so on.  After Anemia sorta broke down into nothing, I freelanced for a
 long time, got better, and I kept trying to get into Trank... the best
 ascii group (headed by Whodini).  A little bit before that was when I
 met Mogel.  Well, sorta met Mogel.. we were just in #ansi and so it was
 like a mutual acquantanceship.

        After that, Trank broke up, remorse was formed, I got into Remorse,
 and have been chilling in the art scene ever since.

        Along the way I started reading DTO... started when like issue
 18-20 came out or so.  Ever since then I've been like following DTO, etc.
 Then came h0e (Well... h0e came back)... and I've just been hanging out
 in #ezines... and that is the saga of miasma.

 (2) What do you like?

	I like lots o' things. 

	Poetry, ascii art, web design, reading books, dancing, techno
 music, quaking, sleeping, dreaming, pizza, pickles, thinking, believing,
 manipulating, conversing, intelligent conversation, being.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I'm starting up a lit and arts mag at my university right now...
 other than that my goal is to exist, grow, make a difference.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

	h0e is the silly medium... but other than that... its an excuse to
 get together and converse and bs all thru irc... something to make a life
 a little more enjoyable and little less boring.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        I seem to have the problem that any girl that's attracted to me I
 soon grow attracted to... so if anyone out there thinks I'm attractive
 (in any genre)... then well... yer fucked. =) 

        Oh.. and Mogel, of course.. 'cause everyone wants Mogel.  I'll
 just jump on the bandwagon (AND RIDE IT BABY!(#@().

        Werd. peace out h0es.

 !!========================================================================!!

 Reflecks
 ========

 Name: Bob
 1st t-file: HOE #464, "Mass Media"
 Quote: "I Like Cheese."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        i started getting involved in bbs shiz a while back, and stayed
 low in the local scene, making some acquaintances and such.  after
 sparking up crude vga/ascii/ansi skills, and honing my LoRD and t-file
 skills, i embarked upon the lovely internet.  there, i discovered irc.
 and a new world of toys to play with.  i dumped my old handles and just
 made up new ones along the way.  its been that way ever since.  (plus,
 i like monkeys.)

 (2) What do you like?

        discovery, knowledge, communication.

        the first two are probably self-explanatory, and as for the second
 one, i like visual arts, advertising, and other non-artsy forms of
 expression. warhol, groening, oscar mayer jingles.  they all get me hot
 and bothered.  oh, and i like monkeys.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        i want to have a room like pee-wee's.  his room rocks.
        i'll buy a big house and dedicate one huge room to toys.
        bean bag chairs, inflatable furniture, funky stuff on the wall.
        possibly monkeys.  and a talking chair.  talking chairs are nifty.
        i'm halfways there anyways.  i like monkeys.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE is the zine equivalent of a fortune cookie.
        round and intriguing on the outside..
        seemingly deep and full of thought on the inside!
        only taken seriously by small children, bored housewives,
        and people who have pet rocks.  and those who like monkeys.
        like me!  monkeys are cool.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Joey Buttafucco looks mighty tempting.  are you sure he doesnt
 write for hoe?  he should.  why doesn't someone ask that guy with the
 glasses to write... Drew Carey.  I'd love to rub his fuzzy head and
 stuff.  He probably likes monkeys, too.  maybe we can be friends.

 !!========================================================================!!

 PezMonkey
 =========

 Name: Lindsey
 1st t-file: Something in yZine (May 1996)
 1st HOE issue: #166, "The Spirit of Giving"
 Quote: "I don't understand all the fuss about rape."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        well, um, i first got involved in 'zines when i was working for
 compuserve, editing a 'zine for one of their forums.  it was pretty
 cheesy and stuff.  and then, um, as for how i got involved in "the
 computer undergound," well:  a friend of mine from compuserve found one
 of bF's earlier zines, "red" (really elite doodz) on a montreal bbs, and
 i thought it was pretty dern funny.  i guess that was my junior year of
 high school.  and then my freshman year of college, that same cserve
 friend told me that he had tracked down both bF and mogel of red/pez
 fame.  so the two of us went on a mad-search for these two moguls of the
 computer underground.  and when i found them, bF seemed a little put-off
 by our worship-like praise of his 'zine (okay, so we were obsessive).
 but mogel was pretty nice, and asked us to write for dto and hoe (little
 did i know, until a few hours later, that he asked everyone to!).  and
 eventually i wrote some stuff for hoe and dto.  yeah.  i guess that's all.

 (2) What do you like?

        um, writing, yellow, my dog -- Conroy, Pat Conroy, commas, snow,
 the east coast, broccoli, birds except for canadian geese, articulation,
 pronunciation, self-preservation, rhyming, poetry that doesn't rhyme,
 Charles Bukowski, Jim Croce, getting done with a paper, Hydra Vive
 shampoo, Ani Difranco, my computer, clean socks, clean underwear, people
 who wear glasses, velcro watchbands, The Band, self-deprecation, uneven
 fingernails, bottled water, lakes, St. Patrick's Day, monkeys, my little
 brother, um, yeah.  i think that's enough.  i'm tired of trying to think
 of things.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        to be the next girlie17.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        hoe, to me, means hogs of entropy.  i thought that was what it
 meant to everyone!

        is there some secret meaning that i don't know about?  well, i
 mean, i guess it could also mean hoe like a hooker, or a garden hoe.  so
 yeah.  it means those things, too.  "teehee.  oh, that literal humor."

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        um, well, Ziego Vuantar, obviously.  "Forceful men are a real
 turn-on.  I don't want my man to be a pussy.  He just has to want it."
 lessee, who else?  well, as far as writers, i like Quarex, SwissPope,
 Trilobyte, Styx, and Jook. . .  (whatever happened to soybean?  i'd lick
 her.) plus, Trilobyte has really hot eyebrows!

 !!========================================================================!!

 LilNilHil
 =========

 Name: Danny
 1st t-file: The Anarchy Machine #4, "Elbow Room"
 1st HOE issue: #180, "I'm Complicated"
 Quote: "I have trouble making certain connections... the whole struggle
         for a mediocre spot to exist in... all the patterns of human
         endeavor... the fight to retain the value of the original
         point... the whole point itself seems increasingly obscure."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        i stumbled onto a cd called the "Hacker Chronicles" around the age
 of 12.  it had the compiled issues of CuD, CDC, Phrack, UxU and a few
 thousand other little files on how to make napalm and other shit like
 this.  it was (and still is) the coolest little library of carnal
 knowledge i've ever seen.  anyway, shortly afterwards i jumped into my
 local bbs systems, everyone of them sucked, and still do.  but i found a
 few other friends with hacker interests and we began making red-boxes,
 dumpster diving, reading 2600, and all those other things that bored
 little middle-school losers do.  soon i got a real computer and got
 myself onto the internet.

        ironically enough, the first time i entered #zines i also caught
 the first issue of DtO.  It inspired me to make one of those h/p/v/a/c
 zines that lasts 5 issues.  we called it "The Anarchy Machine" (i hope
 nobody has it).  it was just fuckin' terrible... i think one issue we
 printed ozzy lyrics or something.  fuckin' sick.  anyway, everyone on
 #zines rightly thought it was terrible (a mogel quote; "um... it's not
 very good.").  it ended up somehow getting me expelled from high school,
 freshman year... and i decided to wait a few years before really writing
 anything again.

        so... um, yeah... basically, mogel, you ruined my life.  heh. and
 now i write for you.

        ..fucker!%($#&^

 (2) What do you like?

        marlboro menthols.. communists.. wallowing in an aloof stupor..
 radiohead.. mescaline.. my band.. um.. i think that's it.. yeah.. i
 really like mescaline.  have you got any mescaline?  send me money, too.
 thanks, buddy.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        sure! wanna see?  oh wait.. no.

        thought you said.. something..

        goals.. ok. i'd like to be something of an iconoclast. a real
 "fuck you artist".  except get paid for it.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        well... i've been put on the h0e staff, which basically means that
 every now and then i have to stop what i'm doing, which is nothing, and
 write a little something that people will find interesting.  how neeto!
 how liberating!  how doomed to obscurity! ..aye.. sorry.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        does Dead Cheese still write for h0e?  i want to fuck Dead Cheese.
 someone should go find him.. i'm worried..

 !!========================================================================!!

 Meenk
 =====

 Name: Emily
 1st t-file: HOE #324, "Why I Don't Eat Fondue"
 Quote: "Boys are puu."

 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?
 
        Well, let's see.  I started out with a vic20 and a little book
 that taught basic, no modem.  I guess being isolated from everyone else
 with a computer is about as underground as you can get.  I first
 discovered the internet around '93, when my dad told me he got me a dial
 up shell on the local freenet.  I checked it out, 'surfed' the web with
 Lynx, checked out some local pagan newsgroups, and harrassed people with
 ntalk.

        Some random guy, sick of my talk requests told me to check out irc.
 "wtf is irc?" I dropped to my prompt (I had already learned the commands:
 ls, rm, cd, exit!!!!) and typed 'irc<CR>' I connected to a server, then
 sat there.  it was fucking boring.  I ^C^C^C^C^C and then sent that guy a
 talk request again.  He explained a few things about irc to me, then sent
 me into the wilderness again.  this time I knew how to join a channel!
 The first channel I went into was #flirt (shut up, I was 12) and I conned
 someone into helping my newbie arse out.

        Suddenly, out of nowhere, everyone went nuts.  Apparently, someone
 was taking over the channel.  I tried to stick up for the only channel I
 knew.  One of the guys taking over invited me into #teenfuck and they
 +o'd me.  pretty soon I was learning how to wield this new power.  I
 decided to try to take over a channel.  /j #root ... There were about 6
 people in the channel.  I thought 'root' was a pretty funny name for a
 channel, so I asked about it.  they dazzled me with a bunch of
 technobabble which meant absolutely nothing to me.  I thought my shell
 was DOS with funny aliases.  I tried to take over.  One of the guys,
 running Phoenix.irc countered my many attacks, then made fun of me.
 Soon I learned of IRC scripts.  He sent me phoenix.  I flooded everyone
 I didn't know.  Some guy got really pissed off at me so I started
 harassing him.  He went into #dto.

        I began popping in and out of the channel.  I didn't say anything
 for months.  Just observed.  I began to read dto and talked to mogel and
 murmur about it.  I began to stalk creed.  mogel and murmur told me to
 write.  I promised I would.  Never bothered.  I moved on to new irc
 stomping grounds, only popping into #dto when no one was talking anywhere
 else.  I ended up on the sexchart.  One day I popped into #dto and it was
 empty.  I went to read dto and found out it was gone.  I got email from
 mogel and soon joined sixdegrees.com and sunyata (a bbs he ran).  We
 began talking semi-regularly again and he asked me to write for h0e.  I
 didn't.  time went on and I started talking to #zines kids again.  I felt
 kinda bad for promising mogel I would write for a few years and never
 doing it, so I finally did.  I wrote for y0lk, too.  Now I write for
 both, as ideas pop up, and I write stories for a friend, because he likes
 it.  I guess I write because I don't know how to stop.
 
 (2) What do you like?

        I like kitties (especially mocha, biscuit, and Duncan) and tacos.
 I like good drum and bass (Squarepusher, Panacea, Alec Empire) and hot
 chocolate.  I like amity and style and alhambra and mogel and kreid.  I
 like Pokemon.  I like to sing along to Tori Amos and to cuddle.  I like
 to cook and clean the kitchen (unless the sink is plugged up).  I like to
 snowboard and rollerskate, though I haven't done either in more than 7
 years, and I like people watching.  I like to watch kung fu movies.  I
 don't like to talk on the phone unless it is good conversation, but then
 I don't like any conversation unless it is good conversation.  makes me
 wonder why I like irc.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        I want to get my Good Enough Diploma and start making progress
 towards becoming a forensic pathologist.  I would like to have some sort
 of musical hobby, preferrably electronic/vocal though I don't have the
 skills.  I want to get married, have one child, and a couple of cats.
 Ideally, once I am successful, my stepmother will stop treating me like
 a piece of shit and I can have a relationship with the rest of my family.
 I want to create an AI with deliberate mistakes, sort of as an equivalent
 to insanity, or retardation, and then try to force some sort of evolution.
 I toy with the idea of anthropophagy, though I am not willing to risk
 prison.  Maybe once I am a pathologist, though I am sure by that point I
 will have changed my mind.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        HOE, to me, is a way to exploit myself and have people see what I
 write.  one of h0e's merits is that it is mostly bullshit.  you can't
 read h0e with high expectations, so you don't get disappointed.  I don't
 like people to have high expectations of what I write because nothing I
 write can really be compared to anything else I write.  It cannot be
 classified, and neither can h0e.  I fit right in.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        I think I would want to do kreid, cos he is my idol, mogel, cos he
 is an oh-so-cute boy and it would feel mindly incestuous and naughty,
 Ramsey String, though I forgot why, and LilNilHil, because I want to ease
 his pain.  None of the chicks really stand out to me in any way.  Thoough
 I would probably do any of them just cos I already have the reputation,
 why not live it...

 !!========================================================================!!

 Darwin
 ======

 Name: Rob
 1st t-file: RICUS #1, "Easy Access to FidoNet/NENet"
 1st HOE issue: #131, "Text Files"
 Quote: "Joy is Real."

        Dear God,

        Are you there?  It's me, Margaret.

        I wrote way more than I expected for this thing and I didn't even
 scratch the surface.  I am an iceberg to your Leonard DiCaprio.  I am
 Frank Capra to your Leonard Peltier.  I am Lawrence Olivier to your Burt
 Reynolds.  I am Reynolds wrap to your Ice Cube.  I am Ice Cold and
 burning in water.

        My head hurts cause I got hit with the unsinkable ocean liner.
 Too much class warfare.

 I'm throwing in the towel.

 The towel :                       mmmmmm
                                 ./$$w$/
                                 /$$w$,
                                S$$w$$
                               wwwwww
     
 (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?

        It's all because of Kenny Fratazzi and Trade Wars 2002.  Kenny
 Fratazzi was this kid I played pickup games of tackle football with when
 I was 13 years old.  He had a modem, and he told me all about this game
 "Trade Wars".  I think maybe he showed Trade Wars to me or maybe he just
 talked it up so well, but I tried to convince my parents that that $80
 2400 baud modem was just what I needed to do a science fair project on...
 viruses.  So, anyway, I got the modem, did the science fair project
 without using the modem at all, played a lot of Trade Wars 2002.  I used
 "Darwin" as my handle because I had recently written a short story about
 a world of the future where children were tested at a certain age and if
 they failed both they and their parents were killed for being bad
 breeders/children.  You know, it was all "Darwinism" and stuff, so I
 called myself "Darwin".

        After playing a lot of Trade Wars, I got involved in a few message
 boards.  People were discussion the old tired topics but they weren't old
 yet, or at least they weren't old to the group of BBSers that were on
 these boards.  We debated religion, music, uh, you know, stuff.  I started
 out really incohoerent and loud and ended up coherent and loud.  Me,
 Squinky and Suicide King hung out with each other and various older 401
 "scene" guys and did miscellaneous illegal/annoying/abusive things to
 various people in 401, including a sysop who was a convicted child
 molester.  Uh, we were just basically wild and crazy modeom kids.  Someone
 found the cDc text files, and then Squinky started bringing in PuD, uXu,
 all sorts of shit.  We all dialed out, got text, hacked internet accounts,
 got text, got warez, hung out, went to high school together.

        While all this was happening, I was writing for a local text
 e-zine called "RICUS".  My files said (essentially) "here's how you can
 annoy people in the local area".  Uh, at some point we decided to try to
 do a cDc like thing, releasing text files instead of a collected zine.
 We called it S0NS 0F LIBERTY and we released about 17 files, 14 of which
 were before I lost interest.  I got to write some more interesting stuff,
 I guess, and some silly shit about egyptian fros (an ASCII, actually).
 Around this time, I founded an OldWarez group called "OW!".  We released
 old warez.  Rambone (then courier co-ordinator of Razor 1911) and his
 board were in our group.  I did a lot of talking to this turkish
 blueboxer named Transparent.

        Near the end of highschool, Suicide King and I got a funny idea.
 We decided to release a series of text files with index files and only
 certain titles from the indexes that we wanted to write.  We dubbed the
 invention "useless text" and the name of the group was "Yeah, Fuck it!"
 or YFi.  We invented the group, in part, to mock some locals who were
 always like "I have the complete series of <text file group>" and so we
 could say "we found these on the net somewhere, but they only had these,
 try to find the rest of them!!!@1@".  Anyway, a lot of the files were
 really useless but we worked on having an abstract approach to text files
 instead of all of the weird ritualized headers, footers, release
 dates/times/orders that everyone else had at the time.  Uh, they're
 funny, you can find them in the dto.net archive, actually.

        Around the end of high school, I became a major warez guy.  People
 were just figuring out how to trade warez on the internet, and because I
 didn't have a local BBS scene, I was perfect for it.  I started working
 to try to get into groups and trading and worked my way up to where I was
 a courier in PWA, Razor 1911, X-Force and RTS, which if you know anything
 about the warez scene means that I spent entirely too much time trading
 warez.  Still, I made some pretty good friends in the scene and had some
 fun times, and now I have okay retirement access to software.  Some time
 in here, I wrote for a warez weekly called "INQ".  I wrote about.. well..
 warez and my theories on the pirate scene and where it was going.  At
 some point I talked to mogel, I think maybe because swallow told me to
 go to #dto or #zines or some shit like that.  I'm really not sure, but
 somehow I got to know mogel a little and got on the DTO mailing list or
 something.  This was 1995 ot 1996 and I don't usually think about those
 years too much.  

        Anyway, so, uh, I knew mogel, somehow.  I hung out in
 #whateveritwas at that time and mogel berated me to write for DTO over
 the next couple of years.  So I wrote some shit and I submitted it to him
 and he eventually published it in HOE, much to my surprise.

        Uh, so anyway, I'm a stupid computer geek who wastes too much of
 his time talking to "underground computer people."

 (2) What do you like?

        Uh, you know.  I like a lot of stuff.

        Dub music, oil painting, fiber optic cable, pen and ink drawings,
 computer animation, crayons, computer games, colecovision, pinball, dope,
 coffee, food, sunshine, comfy couches, snuggling, good movies, diners,
 halloween, techno music, bass, records, scratching, programming,
 conceptualizing, writing, reading, finding new ways to combine media,
 taking a bath, eating candy, watching the simpsons, talking to people,
 having friends, downloading warez, modifying sounds and writing music,
 playing frisbee, playing the drums, listening to hip hop on the radio,
 snow, zero population growth, dancing, smiling, getting booty, sleeping,
 drinking, driving fast, trees, Ray Bradbury, hope, fire, Rocky and
 Bullwinkle, my fish, flossing, talking to cute girls, rain, the history
 of technology..

        Okay, listen.  That's about 3 or 4 minutes thinking about stuff
 that I like.  I like a lot of stuff.

 (3) Do you have any goals?

        No.

        Uh.  Yeah, well, three things I really like are computer games,
 film, and music.  I'd like to get rich for doing one of them so skewby
 can play Bob Arctor to my crazy mechanically inclined self in a house in
 San Francisco.  I'd like to be in a place where I really feel that the
 people that I consider my friends are trustworthy.  I'd like it to be
 warm and I'd like a really loud soundsystem so I can rock the
 neigbhorhood with loud ass music.

 (4) What does HOE mean to you?

        I think that HOE is making a good step for text files.  It's a
 text file concept that is making quite a statement about what media is
 and what content is acceptable/ worthwhile/ relevant while simultaneously
 not taking itself seriously and existing just because it does and because
 people should be free to not only say what they mean but also be inspired
 to think of what they want to say/what's worth saying/what saying is.  I
 think if there's anything that threatens text files, it's making them
 rigid or taking them too seriously.

        Is HOE serious art? 

        Sure!  So What?  HOE being any good is not a matter of its
 seriousness, it's a matter of its worth.

 (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with?

        Well, I think I'd want to get with meenk, because it's my dream to
 share a sexual partner with Teletype.

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #499, WRITTEN BY: THE HOE STAFF - 3/3/98 !!
