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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #830
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                  "Switching Gears"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "                 by Oregano
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               9/20/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        I just wanted to let her know.  I wanted her to know and I used too
 many words and I talked too fast and my thinking is coming too fast, the
 words are there too much and it is like I am not telling her what I think
 but part of what I feel but even that is all hidden and I can only talk
 about music and not what has opened up inside me.

        I was sad.  That was not long ago.  Maybe a week ago I was sad and
 now there are too many words and thoughts but it is good, I am thinking a
 lot, lots of thoughts all the time, thoughts and feelings are there.  I see
 how I was not feeling before and now it is all feeling and I like her music.
 I did not, I mean I must not have tried before, or maybe I was closed up
 like a bathtub stopper.  But now the stopper came out of the tub but the tub
 flowed from reverse, the water came out of the drain and filled up and now I
 am full and, wait, too much, I need to tell Kyra how I feel.  

        Kyra told me I was too sad and I was and I may still be but I am
 really happy and have so much energy but I am also sad and it is not like
 Kyra likes me but she'll talk to me and I like to talk to Kyra.

        (and I like to stand in air, far from the ground)

        But Kyra likes psychedelic music and I guess I do too.  Now I do, I
 like it a lot, I listen to it a lot.  Last week I didn't like it, now I
 listened and I love it, I think I really love it and the music is fun, maybe
 I was missing the fun before and maybe I am more fun now and I like it when
 they sing my name at school.

        "Where oh where can my Tommy be?"  I get the joke now and it is funny
 and I laugh with them and not get upset at them laughing at me and I like
 Kyra.  She is not laughing at me, she laughs with me.

        (the tree is strong, I like trees too, I like them a lot, forever I
 will like trees.)

        I talked to Kyra and I said, "Mercury Rev.  You were right, I didn't
 know it before but you were right and it is good music and I didn't know
 before.  I didn't know.  I didn't know."

        Kyra smiled.

        I love when she smiles and she said she was glad that I liked it and
 said I should listen to Captain Beefhart and I'll like that too.

        (I like swinging.)

        When I was a kid I would go on the swing sets and swing and I loved
 it, you are off the ground and wild and in space and out of the world and
 still in control.  I need to be in control, but it is too much and I am in
 control but I am letting myself live now, finally, and I like psychedelic
 music and I like Kyra.

        Things are moving fast, moving too fast and I cannot slow down my
 mind.  My mom was talking to my father and though I did not hear clearly I
 know they are up to something.  They talked in that way that I know they are
 planning something and maybe it is about Kyra and maybe it is worse.  I wish
 I knew, I really wish, wish, wish, wish.  There is too much going on, I
 don't know what to do.  If I told it all to Kyra, if I said every last
 word -- look at all these words, too many words, too much I don't
 understand -- (why are my parents plotting against me) if I said every
 word to Kyra, she could help.  Every word.  I need to say them all, start
 talking now and stop when I am done and then Kyra...  Kyra, will she talk to
 me?  Maybe she hates me now.  I can't stop thinking, I cannot stop anything,
 why did I start this?  I was happier when I was sad.  No, I am happy now, I
 am happy, I need to listen to music.

        (I like the feel of rope on my neck.)

        One last little bit, one final word and I'll be silent forever.  I
 know that my parents are planning something really bad and I cannot stop it
 except this way.  One final way to make them shut up.  Everybody will now
 shut up, or at least I won't hear them.  I hope Kyra won't be mad.

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!   HOE #830 - WRITTEN BY: OREGANO - 9/20/99 ]
