
 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #846
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                "Monkeys and Midgets"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "                  by LAWS
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               9/24/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        there are lots of similarities when it comes to monkeys and midgets.

        one for instance is they both share about the same height, and size.
 But nobody respects a midget, and people just love the monkey.  why you ask,
 it's because the mass majority of the midget folk are ungrateful of their
 size, they never stop to think HEY!!! I'm small for a reason.  To be a
 midget is an honor because they have the oppurtunity to do things that even
 small children don't get the chance to do.  See if I was a midget I'd be a
 pick pocket, it's a good way to earn some extra "pocket" change, and it's an
 art.  you people must be thinking, "god that kid is fucking stupid", but
 midgets are a taboo because they aren't prideful of their nature.

        Now lets talk a little about monkeys, they're the most sophisticated
 animal on the planet; but I disagree there, if they're so smart then why're
 they in captivity???  if they use tools then why didn't they just beat up
 their captors with rocks and large sticks?!?!  Monkeys and midgets, they are
 equal their brain capacities are about the same even though a midget is
 still a human they tend to be depressed.

        now not all midgets are this way, neither are small people really.
 but what about wastes of life like the angry drunken dwarf???  sure he looks
 real cute in a pink bunny suit but that only goes so far.

        Perhaps I am being sterotypical about Monkeys and Midgets.  Who is to
 say that all monkeys don't attempt to subdue their captors with large rocks
 but just have bad aim, or that all midgets aren't prideful of their nature.
 Heck if I was a midget I would be damm happy because then I could do things
 like participate in dwarf tossing and get paid for it.  Instead of having to
 pay to toss the dwarf, and then I could like claim disability pay and stuff.

        Now I don't know about being a monkey cause then by nature I would
 like to eat nits and lice off of other peoples backs and to me thats just
 not good unless the person is really hot and well mabye it would be Ok since
 I would be a monkey and the other monkeys would seem damm nice to me.  Mabye
 I am rambling.  Any ways also see people would pay money to look at me in
 the zoo and little kids would throw stuff at me like rocks and lollipops and
 I think that would be most determental to my health.

        Now if I was a midget and stuck in a zoo I would be most unhappy too
 and yell things like "HEY YOU DAMM KIDS IF I WEREN'T STUCK IN THIS PIT I
 WOULD COME OUT THERE AND HIT YOU WITH THIS HERE STICK I WOULD!" even though
 I bet it would be more comical then menacing I could at least try right? 

        Midget'z are the shit, I mean to view the world at the level of a
 four year old, thatd be bitching.  Not to mention the fact, that a direct
 forward punch would bring a 6 foot man to his knees.  As well as the fact
 that you could go on all the kiddy slides and such at mcDonald's.  Being a
 monkey, now that's another story, How odd it would be to be sitting at work
 then just toss handfulls of poop at some innocent by stander, Or the only
 word you know is banana.

        Now an odd thought... Think... Midget monkeys... you could fit in a
 pocket AND throw poop at people, that would be the absolute bomb, You could
 eat mini banana's from those candies "mini fruits" or whatever.  What an odd
 feeling it would be to drive a full sized Chevy truck, Using three pheonix
 telephone books as a booster seat, or to have someone lift you into the
 vehicle and tie your new coffee can boots to you, so you can reach the
 pedals...

        all in all, id want to be a midget, i hear they pay well at the freak
 carnivals.

        maybe the midgets of the world should unite and make, SUPER TALL
 MIDGET MAN!!!  yup see then they could over take all us tall people.. hmmmm
 come to think of it maybe they get like one midget and then another gets on
 another midgets shoulder, then like another two do it then they FIGHT!!!
 yeah, see they FIGHT!!!  and who ever loses gets their ear cut off, and the
 winner keeps it like some sorta prize then they sell em' to witches for
 potions or something.  and maybe just maybe there are monkey gangs and
 they've got land marked by territorial pissings, and there's like west lake
 gray backs.  and south pond ass bangers.  Maybe i'm all wrong, maybe it's
 the midgets that like to bang ass.  they're like little alive blow up dolls
 they can't weigh much.

        hey now!!!  if midgets like to go through the doggie door now that's
 just their preferance, more power to em'..

        I think monkey's are actually communist industrial spies... they come
 to canada and america in search of better technology, yet, they end up
 laughing at us.  Then on late dark nights, when the fog is out, and the moon
 is full... they hunt humans, looking for the smartest ones.  They snatch
 this so called "smart human" and take him/her back to the planet of the
 apes, They then lock him/her in cage, and give them anal probes till they
 scream "beach boys"... after this invigorating proceedure, they tie them to
 trees and beat them with licorice, meanwhile back at the cave, they have
 midgets performing crude expeiriments with apples and egg nog...

        See thats the whole nich right there, the monkey's and midgets are
 working together on the master plan... heh... the master plan is what it is
 all about, yet... we dont have a master plan, maybe the midgets and monkeys
 are smarter then we thought .

	Of course this whole master plan would need to be headed up by some
 mastermind... We call him "The Big little One".  See the Big Little Ones
 plan is to shrink all the people in the world with his "Mak-em-litle" Ray.
 Its really just a big squirt gun but if you tried to tell him that he would
 have you mobbed by large midgets that he commands.  No one is quite sure if
 The Little Big One is really a monkey or a midget, some even go so far as to
 say that he is a cross of the two.  Of course there happens to be very few
 documented pictures of the Little Big One.  Some say he is the bigfoot but
 those people are usualy drunk and need money at the moment of questioning.

        You should, I should, Hell even the little fat furry cats should fear
 this short menace.  They could rip through our society like a grown man rips
 through the backdoor of a ducktaped hamster (Let us all savor this mental
 picture... Mmm... Mmm... Ahem).  We need to be more vigilant!  All people
 should have guns and knifes and such! Really that is just for fun.  Don't
 you wanna shoot someone?  Mabye we should cage up the midgets in zoos as
 well as monkies to end this evil anti socail plotting...  Perhaps we are too
 late.

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!      HOE #846 - WRITTEN BY: LAWS - 9/24/99 ]
