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                Underground Legion of Terroristic Research Activists 
 
                   Sinister X  ---  Agent Cyclone  ---  Drug Lord 
 
 
 
 
Making U.S. Mail Monopoly Work for You 
-------------------------------------- 
Agent Cyclone 
I. Editorial 
 
   The U.S. Postal Service is one of the biggest monopolies in the U.S. It, like 
Ma Bell, has gone unchecked for years. As you have noticed, the prices have 
increased far faster than the rate of inflation. Now you are wondering, "Gee, 
how the fuck do they get away with this?" Easy, like any federal agency, 
effiency in not important. They know they have the market to themselves and can 
run it however they please. Who is to stop them? The only ones that can stop 
them are the U.S. citizens themselves. So far, that's not happening. So, since 
the dorks with white socks and fat bags have raised the price on us again, we 
might as well make the system work for us. That's what this file is all about. 
Making U.S. Mail Monopoly work for you. 
 
II. Action 
 
    First, there is the obvious stuff. You can always club a mail-queer and pin 
a note to him saying "THE MONOPOPLY MUST END" or "THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE CAN 
SUCK MY BIG DICK AND LICK SOME STAMPS". Whatever does it for you. You can also 
steal mail jeeps and all the goodies inside. But you better be sly. This is a 
major-league federal offense, and if you are found guilty, you will be in a cell 
with Spike who likes fresh boys. 
 
    There are other things to do to overthrow the Mail Monopoly. One of the most 
fun, and easy, is to intercept other peoples mail. There are so many ways to do 
this. First, since your local mail carrier can't outwit a dog, he usually can be 
scammed by you. If you want someone else's mail, go to their street. Wait for 
the dumb-shit to come. Say you want Joe Blow's mail. Walk up to him and say, 
"Can I have the mail for the Blow residence?" Most of the time, he will say yes. 
It will save him a trip from moving his fat-ass up the drive. This will work 
most of the time. Nowadays it is so rare that the Postal dork knows everyone on 
the street, that you can normally pull this off. 
 
    Another fun thing to do, is to get free mag subscriptions. If you know 
someone gets a mag. Write to the mag, tell them you are that person. Say you are 
changing your address because you are moving. Tell them the new address. Now you 
got a free subscription. That's not hard to do. 
 
    One of the more daring things to do is to steal packages out of the jeeps. 
You never know what you'll get. It's kind of like a Mystery Prize, and you will 
be amazed at what the people trust this monoply to ship. Just be careful and 
make sure when you take it, that the carrier is at the furthest point away from 
his jeep. An especially good time to do this is around Christmas, when the 
carrier has an extra shit-load of stuff to lug around. 
 
    Another thing to think about is the mail you get that isn't addressed to 
you. Why return it? It was put in a Mailbox YOU BOUGHT, or put in a door-slot in 
YOUR HOUSE. Whatever, its on your property, and now its yours. 
 
III. Conclusion 
 
    There are hundreds of ways to beat the system. The more people abuse it, 
the closer we will come to a privatized mail system. Wouldn't be amazing if we 
got better service for paying extra money? Instead, we crank out more dough and 
the delivery time increases. Only through private ownership will this problem 
ever be rectified. 
 
                                                               
 
MAY THE U.S. MAIL RIP 
GO OUT AND TORCH YOUR LOCAL BRANCH TODAY! 
Disclaimer: This is for educational purposes only. The author cannot be held 
responsible for actions taken relating to this material. 
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
ULTRA can be found on: Blitzkrieg         (502) 499-8933 
                       Hall of Injustice  (502) 241-9304 
 
(c) Copyright Agent Cyclone / ULTRA 1991 
