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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #570
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888               "Why I'd Pity a Psychic"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "                 by Rhea
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o              4/11/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        There was once a little caterpillar named Stan the Stalker.  Stan
 was called "the Stalker" because, well, he liked to stalk people.  His
 caterpillar friends didn't approve of his stalkings very much, but they
 could see plainly that he was addicted and so they chose to not interfere.

        Stan the Stalker wasn't just any stalker, though, which was
 something that his friends didn't know.  You see, Stan had the ability to
 read the minds of people, and so he would crawl up to a person's house and
 look through the window until he saw someone, and then turn on his magic
 power and read the person like a book.  He was fascinated by the thoughts
 of people because they were so unlike the thoughts of caterpillars.

        One day, a particularly fine Tuesday morning, Stan crawled up a blue
 house to the wide white kitchen window ledge.  His furry caterpillar body
 gleamed green and yellow in the sunlight.  He saw two people sitting in the
 kitchen, and zoomed in with his magic powers immediately to the first
 person.

        "Maybe I should have done my chemistry homework.  No.  It's stupid
 and the teacher didn't even explain it hardly.  Bobby is so cute.  He has
 brown eyes.  He kinda looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.  Leo is so cute.  Maybe
 I should ask him to eighth grade prom.  But he'll say no.  It'll be
 humiliating--"

        Stan zoomed out.  "That was boring," he said to himself.  "Well,
 what did I expect from a pre-teen?"

        He laughed, than turned his powers on the second person, and his
 mind was immediately flooded with the following all at once:

        "Mmm, taco bell.   Mmm, that one hot chick that works there smiled
 at me.  Fuck, she probably smiles at everyone, it's probably her job.  Damn
 TV sucks sometimes.  That thing on MTV was so gay.  Is that English paper
 thing due today?  Shit.  I'll just tell her that my printer broke.  That
 always works.  I hate that fucking teacher.  Sometimes I just want to run
 up to her and slash her throat with my pencil and then watch her scream,
 and watch the blood run all the way down her shirt onto her shoes.  Mmm,
 big mac.  Man, this cereal sucks.  Mom needs to stop buying this healthy
 crap.  Otherwise I'll jam my spoon up her nose into her brain and scoop out
 her brains.  Haha.  Man, that would rule.  Mom is fucking on my case way too
 much.  Damn my sister is annoying sometimes.  All the time.  She was
 listening to Hanson yesterday, I wanted to run in and tie part of her
 stupid blue beaded curtain around her neck and choke her so she'd turn it
 off.   I wonder if it's going to rain today, that would suck. !!

        Mmm, pizza.  Mmm, Pamela Anderson.  Now there's a hot chick.  Dan has
 a poster of her in his room, I wonder if he uses that to help himself --
 mmm, nintendo 64.  I need to go to his house after school and play 007.
 That game fucking rules.  I can't believe this crap I'm eating.  It's
 disgusting.  I'd give it to the dog but he'd fucking die from eating it
 it's so bad.  That's what my mom's doing, she's fucking trying to kill me.
 I oughta take that carving knife in the drawer and cut her-- Hey, is that
 a caterpillar?  Whoah, where's the butter knife?  I hope it's body will
 still keep moving after I cut off its head."

        And while all this was still registering in poor Stan the Stalker's
 puny little caterpillar brain, the boy opened the window and jabbed his
 butter knife into Stan.  He writhed and moaned in pain and then finally
 stopped.

        The last thing that went through Stan's head was, "Mmm, Brittany
 Spears."

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!      HOE #570 - WRITTEN BY: RHEA - 4/11/99 ]
