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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #581
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888              "He Needed Inner Healing,
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8            and NRMLGRL Knew It"
    888     888 888      888 888    "
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o          by Kaia [4/21/99]
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8   Purchased by NRMLGRL (HOE #461)
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        dinner today was even more awkward than normal.  remnants of food
 were starting to crust on the dirty dishes.

        i don't get it, NRMLGRL said.  i don't know whether he doesn't feel
 the passion, or whether he just can't express it.

        i think i'm gonna be sick, BREADGRL said, holding her mouth and
 running.

        BOYBOYGRL sat on a little green plastic chair.  his face was limp
 and blank, mouth open and eyes-half shut.  a hundred band-aid boxes were
 scattered at his feet, and his naked chest was covered in bandaids.  one by
 one, barely looking, he was peeling them off and eating them.

        BREADGRL returned.  i feel better now! she said.

        good, NRMLGRL replied.  now let's take her in.

        him, you mean?  BREADGRL said.

        yeah, NRMLGRL said, or at least i think so..let me check.

        they peered down the front of his underwear, and nodded.

        ok.  let's take *him* in, NRMLGRL said.

 [-----]

        "so you found him in your kitchen four days ago, and he's been
 sitting there for four days, ever since."  the nurse was taking notes
 randomly and absentmindedly.

        NRMLGRL and BREADGRL nodded.

        "in silence.  eating bandaids."

        NRMLGRL and BREADGRL nodded.

        "hm, how interesting.  do you two have medical insurance?"

        NRMLGRL and BREADGRL nodded.  suddenly, their heads nodded right
 off, and they died, right there, bloodily, in the hospital.

        "then we'll take him in for x-rays," the nurse said.

 [-----]

        x-rays revealed that BOYBOYGRL had not only bandaids, but about 400
 silicon suction cups clinging to the walls of his stomach.  "possible
 psychological problem," she scribbled into his chart, "referral to
 neuropsychiatrist."

        BOYBOYGRL stopped eating bandaids and slipped into catatonia.

 [-----]

        "a booma chocka booma chucka buum," the neuropsychiatrist said.
 "bio, gio nutella belGRRRAH."  there was a parrot sitting on his shoulder,
 wearing a surgical mask on its beak.

        "'bandaids are normally put over cuts to help them heal faster,'"
 the parrot said, "'therefore, he is using bandaids unconventionally.'" the
 nurse took some notes.

        "fluvu flava, mugga-wamp womp womp.  gsdll dll uhoh. hehhhehe.
 whee!" the neuropsychiatrist said.

        "'for diagnostic purposes, i am going to administer the Mini Mental
 State Examination now.  talk to me, baby. hehhhehe.  whee!'"  the parrot
 said, flapping its tropical wings.

        the neuropsychiatrist turned to BOYBOYGRL.  "GORru bum tum?"

        "'what is the date?' cracker-acker!" the parrot asked BOYBOYGRL.

        BOYBOYGRL was stonefaced, didn't even twitch.

        "hm, ffff fffff fff," the neuropsychiatrist said.

        "'hm, he appears to be silent.' give me a damn cracker, squraawk!"
 the parrot said.  the nurse jotted something down.

        "lsabb 100 bass ackwards ibo nio, jiwo 7s?"  the neuropsychiatrist
 said.

        "'can you count backwards for me by 7s, from 100?' give me a cracker
 or i will refuse to talk, motherfucker," the parrot said.  the nurse took
 notes.

        "BUURF!! GH@! $@#$! $@!$!@$"  the neuropsychiatrist exclaimed.

        "''" the parrot said.

        "BJTTTTTTTWWWW W EHJTH!!"

        the parrot gave no translation, so the nurse continued vacantly
 drawing flowers in her notebook.  "TEWHGG!%# HHGJR hio HIO HIOTWET!!!#%$"

        BOYBOYGRL was starting to eat bandaids again when the
 neuropsychologist's supervisor, Nikolas, arrived.  "excellent, i see you've
 made progress," Nikolas said, feeding the bird a cracker.  he wheeled
 BOYBOYGRL into a new examination room.

        "I Loooo-oove you," the parrot sang.

 [-----]

        "so you're back so soon?"  Nikolas rubbed his beard.  "i'd like to
 have a frank and open discussion with you," Nikolas said to BOYBOYGRL, who
 appeared to be asleep.  "you must be under a lot of stress right now.  but
 remember, we are only here to help you.  i know there must be some
 explanation, however complex, for your consistently unusual behavior."

        BOYBOYGRL continued to eat bandaids and stare into space.  he was
 secured to a guerney with leather bands around his wrists, upper arms,
 neck, chest, waist, hips, upper legs, and ankles.

        "maybe there are some things you are afraid to discuss."  Nikolas
 brought his face to BOYBOYGRL's.  "maybe you have inner wounds that you
 want sealed, and that's why you're eating bandages.  or you could just be
 feeling overwhelmed.  but if there's something going on inside your head, i
 need to know now," Nikolas said, extracting a leather wallet from his coat
 pocket, "before i insert this cathether into your arm."

        five minutes passed.  "i see you have either chosen not to talk, or
 are unable to speak."  the catheter tunneled into the vein, without even as
 much as a flinch.

        no last words, only a gag and a dry heave.  Barbiturate.  Saline.
 Pavulon.  Saline.  KCl.

        and it was over.

        "OK, you guys can come in now!"  Nikolas called in the team of
 medical students.  the neuropsychologist was dressed like Captain Morgan,
 and his parrot flew in wearing an eyepatch, landing on his shoulder.

        as soon as they slit his belly, steam and objects exploded across
 the room as if escaping from a bag of microwave popcorn.  there were
 bandaids, suction cups, small books, old pieces of ivory, glow in the dark
 stars, a plastic valentine, and a plastic bag.

        "aah, if only you had given these up earlier," Nikolas said, shaking
 his head and gathering the suction cups into the plastic bag. "you almost
 did there, near the end..."

        "well, at least we can run our equipment again," a med student said,
 fingering the plastic valentine.  it said, "to Sophy."

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!      HOE #581 - WRITTEN BY: KAIA - 4/21/99 ]
