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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #534
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                   "Complete Crap"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8         (or "I Had A Good Excuse"
    888     888 888      888 888    "             or "I Was Stoned"
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o          or "I Am Stoned")
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8        by LilNilHil [3/27/99]
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        "dude, i just figured out what i'm gonna write for h0e."

        hahaha, what the hell is...

        "i'm gonna write a story about.. today.  and like, i'm just gonna
 say 'i woke up around 1 in morphine haze.  went and played with the band.
 fucked up a bunch of things.  met matt on his brake.  met matt later at 9.
 matt tokes up yells i got the fear and then like.. just fucking runs.'
 for no reason."

        dude.. haha..

        "no wait.. like.  i mean h0e is this thing on the internet that i
 write for.. well.. am supposed to.. write for every month i guess.  but
 like i haven't written anything in.  i guess a year or something.  so the
 guy.. uh.. the guy tells me i have to write something in two weeks or i'm
 fucked."

        when was that?

        "like a week and a half ago."

        hahaha.. dude.. nah.. like.  if I were gonna write about today.
 i'd be like.  ah.. woke up.  i ran my ass ta school.  school ended.  i ran
 my ass home cuz ryan was supposed to be there and we were gonna smoke some
 G. but.. ryan wasn't there.  so i waited.  and then i had to be at work at
 4. and i thought about how much it sucks to go to work sober.  and then i
 thought about the sac i had.  there were 4 buds in this sac.  just one of
 which could get me stoned.. with four people there.  so then i said "well,
 that's fucked up" and i started gettin' ready to smoke some weed.

        now... i coulda used the Deer... or i coulda used Jimmy, but i like
 a fat bowl so i decided to go old-school with a 2 liter bottle. haha..
 thing was like.. full to the top.. sittin there chuggin it.  so, anyway, i
 pack all 4 buds, just for the hell of it.  then i smoke half of it.  But
 then!  hahaha.. it.. what?  what happened then.  oh yeah.  i had to go to
 work.  so... i run my ass to work.  fuckin' had to cross that thing over
 there... almost got hit.  put my work clothes on in the middle of the
 road.  almost got hit again.  haha.

 then, like, i go to work.  and the managers there, 'cept it's not like the
 bitch manager.  or the lady manager.  it's this big ape lookin'
 motherfucker.  fuckin' asshole.  dick.  so, anyway, i'm like givin' people
 their food an shit.  an like.. not payin' any attention, and the manager
 says, "go easy on the mashed potato's, matt," and i'm like, givin' people
 way too much mashed potato's i guess... cuz they have this cover.. for the
 plates.  and they totally just jew you over cuz you can only fit in like
 really small amounts of food for these people. so the manager says
 something cuz i'm puttin mashed potato's where mashed potato's just don't
 fuckin' fit.  so i put the big old spoon down and just throw some more on
 for this old lady.  haha.  then i had to work cash register.  man.  and
 that's what sucks about workin' at Boston Market... all the people there
 are like fuckin' gypsies about the brownies.  i'm ringin' up this one
 bitches order and like, she says, "you didn't ask me if i wanted a brownie
 or not," and like, if i don't ask em. then they get one free.

        so i'm like.. "...what??"

        and then she says "you didn't ask me if i wanted a cookie or a
 brownie!" and then i tell her to go fuck off.  ha!  wait, no i didn't.  i
 told her, "i'm not done yet.  you want a cookie or a brownie?"  haha!
 for some fuckers you have to play it sly you know, like they all wanna jew
 you out of a free brownie for some fuckin' reason.  so like they'll tell
 me, "you didn't ask me if i want a cookie or a brownie," and then i won't
 even look up.. i'll just hit like the modify order button so it starts all
 over again.. i mean they don't know.  and i have to pay for that shit.  but
 dude.. this one whore, she says, "you didn't ask me.. bla blkablhblah."
 and i say like usual, "i'm not done yet -- you want a cookie or a brownie?"
 and then like she turns into some fuckin' ho.  she says..

        "no."

        and i'm like.. "what?"

        and she says she doesn't want a brownie.  so i say..

        "then why the hell did you say anything?"

        and then like, i ask her if she wants anything else.  and she says
 no.  and then i ask her if she wants a drink.  and she says no, and just
 pays for her food and takes off all pissed and shit.  that's fucked up, i
 think.  dumb whore.  then i realize there's this huge fuckin' line pilin'
 up because i can't get the next stupid bastards order right.  haha.  i'm
 like, "ok... those are, green i guess.  what's green?  spinach is green."
 and i ring up spinach.  then like 'ok... those are yellow........ probably
 corn.'  haha.. could be macaroni... just give him a side order of
 macaroni... then like the whole machine goes fuckin awol on me and i can't
 figure out how to fix it. haha...

        there's like 10 customers lookin' at me.  so like i say "fuck this
 shit, i dunno how to fix it!" and like i go to tell somebody.  so like, i
 go get a drink.. cuz i got cotton-mouth attacking my ass.. i check the
 time, sit down for awhile, then i go to the office and i'm like.. "hey....
 i got a problem."  haha.  finally i get on a fuckin' break, and what do ya
 know -- it's danny.  and i tell your ass to come back at 9.  then i like,
 go to the store and i buy a drink, except it's a fountain soda so i drink
 most of it in the store.  then i go back to work and this guy workin' next
 to me says like..

        "Matt, do you smoke?"

        and i'm like........................."what??"

        "Matt, do you smoke weed?"

        and i'm like..."what?????"

        "..I'm just sayin' cuz you come in here every day like you're
 glazed."

        "what????????"

        "and.. If you're smoking everyday before work you got a problem."

        then i'm like, fuck you.  and a bunch of shit happens and i leave.
 then i go find you and we smoke that bowl and all this shit right here
 happens.  haha.

        "yeah man, i like your idea better."

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #534 - WRITTEN BY: LILNILHIL - 3/27/99 ]
