
                      %%%   %%%  %%%%  %%%   %%  %%%%%
                      %%%% %%%%   %%   %%%%  %%  %%  %%
                      %% %%% %%   %%   %% %% %%  %%   %%
                      %%  %  %%   %%   %%  %%%%  %%  %%
                      %%     %%  %%%%  %%   %%%  %%%%%

                  //     //    ////    //////   //////   //
                  \\  \  \\   \\  \\   \\   \\  \\   \\  \\
                  // /// //  ////////  //////   //////   //
                  \\\\ \\\\  \\    \\  \\ \\    \\
                  ///   ///  //    //  //  //   //       //
 
               [ Mind Warp  -  Volume #3, Issue #2, File #043 ]
                   [ "Musty's College Thang"  by Mustaine ]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                      The College Experience, Semester I
                                 [Mustaine]

    WOW!  I recently was digging through my grab bag of articles that
had been working on and never finished.  At the time, 12/10/94, I had
already written an article on college that I had intended to submit for
Mind Warp Volume III.  I then came upon an old article that I had started,
which conviently also had to do with college, so I decided to splice them
together, add some stuff in the middle, and produce a monstrously confusing
article that I think Raven will publish.  Why not?  He said he'd publish
anything.  It's done in six parts.  Here we go again (to quote WhiteSnake)..  

[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]

Table of Contents
-----------------

  I) The Introduction                        (You just read it...)
 II) The table of contents.                  (Your readin' em.
III) The REVISED  "Arrival At College"       (??/??/??)
  V) The REVISED  "In Between Commentary"    (12/11/94)
  V) The ORIGINAL "Final Days of Semester I" (12/01/94)
 VI) The Conclusion, Summary..               (12/11/94)
[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]

"Arrival At College" - The College Dorm

     I came, I saw, I want to leave....NOW.  Ok folks I'm at college now,
living ON campus, in a closet, and it's.....different?   Let me put this
in perspective.  Recently I finished my last day of work, said my
farewell's to my co-workers, and packed my bags for college.  Fifteen 
hours later, I am here, in my dorm...which I would call a small closet,
and I am stuck here for FOUR to FIVE years. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
     Friday, the 26th of August, 1994 - Well, to start things off, today
was really boring...and depressing.  I got up at 8:00 today, and drove
'Pornlo' (my brother) to work today to open the gym up where we work.  Great.
I then went back home to pick up 'The Ice Queen' (my sister) and then proceed
to drive her to the gym where she is to practice for the next several hours.
Then I don my staff shirt, put on my best smile, and walk into hell.  I'm
not going into detail about work in this article...if you want THOSE glorius
details read the article KIDS...should have been published in Mind Warp
by now.  At any rate, I walk in about midway into the camper shift to help
out my co-workers.  Really simple shift really...all I had to do was walk
some day campers through some gymnastics events...and then dump them upstairs
for lunch while I did a birthday party.  That party is a whole other story
that I'll eventually write.
     At any rate, the party ended, and my co-workers and myself all quickly
met for a sort of sending off in the staff office.  There were four of us
leaving for college...myself, Mandy, Janna and Jenny.  I am going to
College Park, Mandy to Townsend, Janna to Montgomery College, and Jenny
to the University of Rhode Island.  Jenny had already left...so she wasn't
really at this meeting.  Many was there..and I gave her my address, and 
I asked Janna to watch after my brother and another co-worker Jenny, who
were staying the job untill they are done with High School.  (For those
of you reading this out of state, Janna's college is like 5 minutes away
from my work....)  At any rate, that done, we all left our seperate ways.
     I went home.  Boring.  I packed really quickly, had a microwave burrito,
and hit the bed.  Viola.  End of day....
     Saturday, the 27 of August, 1994 - Wham.  I hit the alarm clock as it
rings showing 9:00am.  It's college day!  After about an hour of fussing,
I end up in the family van, with my WHOLE family, on the way to college.
Woo.  Then comes college.  I arrive, along with fifty gazillion other 
freshman, and begin to lumber my crap up to my room.  Boy what a shocker.
My room, or dorm as I must call it...it the size of a janitorial closet
at McDonalds...and about as smelly as McDonalds too.  After moving in all
my stuff, my parents left.  YES!  That YES! lasted about two seconds untill
I actually looked around my room.  Aside from the krad fridge, the absence
of two annoying siblings...coughPornlocough...this was way lame.  Everything
is long distance from the phone...which is hooked to a PBX, so to dial say
Arosnist's Arsenal I haffa do 9,1,3012080847,,,XXXXXXX (XXXXXX being my
PSC or Personal Security Code).  LAME.  About an hour later my roomate 
arrives...he is very cool...his alias is Johahan.  He is like 6.2 and that
is WAY tall compared to my small frame.  With that in mind, I went out into
college land.  YES! There are many girls in College Park.  About 70 percent
of them register a rating of 8,9, or 10 on my scale.  Not that I could
date any of them...freshmen are spurned. AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Tommorow looks to
be interesting.

"In Between Commentary" - What happened between then and NOW.

   Wow.  I thought it was bad when I initally arrived.  It got WORSE.  My 
roomate turned out to be a Schmoe, who BROKE my stereo and led a revolt with
the bacteria in the bathroom to better moronkind everywhere.  I turned out
to have HARD classes, and I found out that all the girls here are preppy
bitches (well, I guess we can't count Angst) and MOST of them have weird
STD's....  I ain't in high school no more...WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

"Final Days of Semester I"


[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]
Disclaimer : If you are elderly, have a weak heart, like Yani, or in any way
             shape or form get disgusted by watching Mr. Clean commericals, 
             PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN!...stop reading.  Otherwise,
             dig in.
[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]

AHHH!  This semester has been pure HELL!  Let me describe to you, with just
a wee bit of embelishment, exactly what took place in my dormitory last week
We'll start in the morning, and work our way up.
   The alarm clock brutally started blaring the utterly LAME music of Green
Day when I awoke to the ever small (it's a FRIKIN closet) dormitory where I
have resided ever since I made the mistake of enrolling at this college.  
Looking around, I saw that my roomate had finally gotten in from the night
before, with a truckload of strewn miller lite cans lying around his bed like
maggots clinging to a pile of dung.  Groaning as I bent over to shut off my
alarm clock, I realized from the LED display that I only had about 45 minutes
to shower, dress myself, eat, and get my quite cute ass to Math class in a 
building a little over 15 minutes walk from my hellish residence.  Throwing
of the last vestiges of my sleepiness, I bound from bed to collect my
"shower-bucket."                          
     I then grabbed my room keys, and walked across the hall into the slum I 
am supposed to believe is a "bathroom".  <hehehehhehehehehehehehehhehehehehe>
It looks more like it is a Nazi torturing area, and it smells like that
"Bog of Eternal Stench" place from that movie Labrinth.  N-E-Ways, I walk
over the the closet shower stall to find one of the fucking asshole hallmates
passed out in his own urine in the stall.  We can guess from this that 
Musty is fairly certain of one shower stall he WILL NOT be showering in.
I walk to the next stall to find hair and shaved soap strewn about the floor,
consequently clogging up the drain.  Oh well.  I then settled on the third,
and final shower stall.  The only possible thing I can bitch about this stall
would be the rust, and the fungus which has been growing out of the rusty 
pipes.  I then proceeded to shower.  I realize that many of you would now 
like me to describe my body features (as some WEIRD MO FO) did in MW!-033.TXT
BUT alas, I AM NOT A FRIKIN' Pervet...sorry.  I will say that I have A VERY
cute ass for all you loving "women" fans out there...WHO I AM SURE BY NOW
JUST WANT TO SEND ME SOME HATE-MAIL, EH???
   The next thing I did was to proceed back to my room, clothe myself, and
run my butt out to class, without any breakfast.

  [ Female Reader : AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Poor Mustaine.  I'll have to 
                    offer my body up to him as consolation next time I see
                    him.                                                   ]

  [ Male Reader   : THAT PRICK!  I HOPE HE STARVES! Him and HIS huge penis
                    too!                                                   ]     
                    
   I then proceeded to go to class (hell) for the next few thousand hours, 
and I would rather not talk about that hellowing experience.  Suffice to say
that CLASS was hell, and I soon arrived back at my dorm..at 10:00pm that 
night.   Now the fun began!
   10:00 pm is the "set" quiet hours for our dorm.  This means that no one 
can play their stereo loud, or run around the halls making noise.  LET ME
TELL YOU...
   As I arrived, I saw Mr. X, or resident 12 IQ football player turning his
stereo on at about 5,000,000 decibals louder than it was meant to go.  It
was playing some music about a black girl that was being raped by four black
"bruthas."  Needless to say, I was not amused.
   Next, andother hallmate goes running up and down the hall with a LaRami
watergun filled with piss shooting at everyone.  Need I say more on him?
   MORE, that idiot's roomate grabbed the trashcans from the hall and ran 
down the hall dumping them into unsuspecting victims rooms.
   I could go on and on..but I think you get my point.  The police arrived
around 2:00am and put an end to the bullshit.  It was defitly NOT one of the
highlights of my college career thus far!!!

"Conclusion, Summary"

     OK, I know I just slapped that together, and I realize it was very
confusing, and in all probabilty Raven is scratching his head right now
questioning my sanity BUT....
     College is NOT all fun and games like so many people glamoratize it to
be.  You have to buckle down, take really hard classes, and do a LOT more
work then you ever did in high school.  You can't BBS all day, and screw
girls all night.  You wind up with lousy roomates, and weird junk growing
out of your ears.  When you go to college try to follow these little rules:

1) Get a roomate you can deal with.
2) Don't get in the dorm with the practicing KKK members.
3) Don't transfer to the football dorm.
4) Don't screw anything without a condom.
5) Don't read ANYTHING Mustaine writes!

[----------------------------------------------------------------------------]

                There, I'm done.  Greets:

        Raven      - PUBLISH this, please?
        Pornlo     - Stay off the sidewalk.
        Red Dragon - BIAAAATCH.  I kill you.
        Essex      - WHERE ARE YOU???
        Casper     - Moocha, Moocha.
        Julie      - Moocha, Moocha.


==============================================================================
            Call The Omniverse, the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 718-0225
==============================================================================
