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 $$$                       by - CannibalButterfly                      $$$
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 $$$        [ HOE E-Zine #936 -- 12/05/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$$
 `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

	"Dude, Has anyone ever wondered if rain is just Jesus blowing a
 serious load, duuuuude?"

	He spreads my legs and slowly enters my holy church. I am his
 Mary, but no longer a virgin. Pulsating me deeper and deeper until we
 melt into each other. I yearn to scream and let it all out, but words
 wont come to my lips. What should I say? My eyes roll to the back of my
 head and I freeze.

	I was recently invited to the hottest party of the year.  Should I
 go? Should I stay? Tough choice, especially since T.G.I.F is on the same
 night. Egad! What shall a girl do? Boy Meets World? Girls just wanna have
 fun? Boy Meets World? Girls just wanna have fun? Okay, okay. Cyndi Lauper
 talked me into it. Fiesta!

	I ran out the door and hopped on my beach cruiser. I'm one bad
 mofo when I'm traveling in style! I immediately pedaled over to the newly
 remodeled Big K-Mart. I needed a kickin' outfit for what was going to be
 the most exciting night of my life. I ran to the plus size department and
 picked out a slammin' pair of Kathy Lee jeans. They were painted on and
 my ass was bumpin. I still needed a shirt, but there wasn't enough time
 to pick one out. I didn't think the day would ever come, but it did. I
 was going to resort to my emergency clothing source, a pack of Hanes her
 Way t-shirts that I hid away in the chimney for a special occasion like
 this. I'm going to be all that and a reduced fat can of Pringles!

	After checking out and paying with my foods tamp credit card, I
 rushed home. It was time to beautify! I combed the nap out of my afro and
 douched.  Damn, I was already looking pretty as a peach. I then got
 together my outfit and put on my Reebok high-tops.  Finally, I licked my
 index finger and gently placed it on my right butt cheek. -sizzle sizzle-
 I'm definitely going to be the Belle of the Ball!

	The clock striked 8 and it was time for me to saddle up on my
 beach cruiser again and head over to the affair. I got lost a few times,
 but I finally arrived at the gates around 9. Two angels were at guard and
 checking invitations. Err...of all the luck! No one told me this was a
 costume party!

	The get together was a blast, but all they had was bread and red
 wine.  They sure skipped out on making it a fancy event!

	Anyways, in a few short hours, I was guzzling away and drunk as a
 skunk.  Clouds consumed me and electric jolts flew through my soul. Next
 thing I knew I was in a bed with a man I don't even remember meeting. His
 heavy breath was blowing in my ears while his body weight crushed me.

	Throbbing and heavenly. My lips quivered and I began to scream 
 in pleasure.

	"Oh God, Oh God, OHHH GOD!!"

	He suddenly pushed himself off of me and threw his wife beater 
 back on. He lit a cigarette and began puffing away. 

	"So, you've been with my father, too!?" 

	"Huh? I've never been with your dad. What are you talking about?"

	"Then why did you call out his name? To make some sort of demented
 joke?"

	I sat there in silence. Trembling in the darkness wondering how to
 respond. What in the world is this man talking about??  If God is
 supposedly his dad then he must be Jesus. Wow, I'm obviously
 hallucinating! But what if he is actually Jesus? Should I get on my knees
 and give him head or should I get on my knees and repent?? It would be a
 sin to not do what he asks of me, but so would giving him a piece of the
 booty without being married. I'll never win!

	The room was quiet except for Jesus mumbling under his breath.  I
 couldn't make out everything he said, but the asshole had enough nerve to
 accuse me of sleeping with Jonah and Moses!

	After an hour of silence, he grabbed at his crotch and took the
 last drag of another cigarette.

	"Come drink of my fountain and make me weep bitch."

	I was shocked, but immediately crawled his way and began bouncing
 to his beat.

	"HALLELUJAH!"

	Minutes later, Jesus came in my eyes and mouth. He then forced me
 to sing 'Amazing Grace' while gargling the cum. He wiped the sticky mess
 off with cheap one-ply toilet paper and even scraped the dried up crust
 off my eyelashes. Holy Swedish meat balls BatMan, it's true! Jesus does
 make the blind see again!

	Anyhoot, we quickly fell asleep in each other's arms and slept the
 night away. I was finally woken up by Jesus yanking me by the hair.  He
 passionately looked me in my eyes and said....

	"PSYCH, MY NAME IS BOB! HAHAHA"

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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #936 - BY CANNIBALBUTTERFLY - 12/05/99 ]
