                            .
                         .:::::.               .::::::::.
                     ...:::::::::..           ::::::::::::
                  ..:::::::::::::::::..      :::::     ::::
                .:::     :::::::     :::.    :::::.      :
                 ::       :::::       ::      :::::::.
                  :        :::        :        :::::::::.
                           :::                    ::::::::
                           :::                        :::::
                          :::::               :        ::::
                          :::::  oxic        :::......::::  hock
                        .:::::::.             :::::::::::
                       :::::::::::             :::::::::
 
                                    presents
 
                                  Tele-Anarchy
 
                                       by
 
                 Bloody Afterbirth, Tasty Abortion, Fetal Juice
 
                                 Toxic File #8
 
!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%
(Ever notice how BA always uses the SAME characters to make that line?)
 
     A few nights ago, we were all jammin along in a conference of sorts (mass
3-way calling, not Alliance), harrassing people at random via the telephone...
Well, we fucked up several nights and several lives, as all of this went down
between 1am and 3:30am, not exactly the time that most people are ready to be
fucked with, heh heh heh!
     Here goes the best recollection of what we did that I can come up with.
 
*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$
 
For convenience, I am using US and THEM (U & T), regardless of how many people
were involved...
 
     We know a guy whose phone num spells COCK...  Well, Tasty got an idea so we
called someone up...
 
T:ummm...hello?
U:Hello.  Are you aware that the last four digits of your number correspond to
the word COCK?
T:What the hell are you talking about?
U:Look at your phone...See how the last four digits spell out--
T:<CLICK>
 
 
T:Hello?
U:Hello, is Jim there?
T:You've got the wrong number.
U:No, this is the number I was given.
T:Look, this is a private residential phone, I've had the number for FIVE YEARS,
you've got the WRONG number!  <CLICK>
--a little later, a different one of us, same them--
T:HELLO?
U:Hi.  Is Jim there?
T:NO he IS NOT.  You have the WRONG NUMBER!
U:Well, can you take a message, in case he calls?
T:I'm telling you you've got the wrong number, he isn't going to call!  I've had
this number for years, I KNOW he isn't going to call!
U:Could you just tell him that Scott called, please?
T:OK...WHATEVER....<CLICK>
--and later...--
T:HELLO?!?!?
U:Hi, this is Jim, any messages?
and you can imagine what happened then!
 
     There's this one place that is known to have meetings for a local satanic
'cult' around here...  Wellllll, we called up and got an answering machine so I
took advantage of the situation...
T:...and if you'll leave a message at the tone, we'll get back with you.
U:Yo.  My name's Frank O'Toole, call me Algoroth.  My number is 123-553-2510, I
want to get in on the Satan meetings, call me up. <CLICK>
     Maybe we need to call them up and tell them how bad satan worship is!
 
     We decided that we should take a survey of all our callers...
T:arrrrggggrrrruuuhhhhhmmmmmuhhhhhhhhello?
U:Hello, this is Richard Lynch from the local Jaycees, and we're taking a
survey.  Are you normally awake or alseep at this hour?
Heh heh!  The results:
     Asleep         Awake     Undecided
     15             3         4
 
     And yet another survey that we didn't do too much-
T:ditto...Hello?
U:Hello, this is Richard Lynch from the local Jaycees, and we're taking a
survey.  At this hour, are you normally Asleep, or having Sex?
 
     Asleep         Having Sex          Didn't Answer
                    1                   1
The one that said Sex goes "I'm usually having sex!  With your WIFE!"
 
     Then we got a little devious...The original plan was to find someone with
children, call them up, and inform them that their kids were dead!  Yes!  But,
seeing as there is this bitch I truly hate, we modified the plan a little, and
this is how it went...
T:blahello?
U:May I speak with Ms. Loose Pussy?
T:Speaking.  (sounding worried)
U:Ma'am, this is Dr. Lynch from the Memorial Hospital.  Do you know a Mr. Sheep
Fucker?
T:(REALLY worried)  Is something wrong with Sheep?
U:Ma'am, I have some bad news.  Sheep was killed in a hit and run accident.
The bitch started CRYING and FREAKING OUT and shit!  It was WILD as HELL!  That
bitch was losing her fucking MIND!  Even asked her to come in and identify the
body, to make sure that it was indeed Sheep Fucker...  HA!
 
T:Hewwo?
U:Hi!  This is Rick Johnson from WFUK Late Night, and you have been picked
randomly from the phone book to be given a chance at five THOUSAND dollars!  All
you have to do is answer the following question correctly.  Are you ready?
T:Sure, whatever.
U:In what country is Bufu in?  That's B-U-F-U, you have 1 minute.
Haha!  3 people didn't give a shit and didn't care to win 5000 bucks at 2am, but
one dude said Africa...  That dude musta been wasted or drunk off his ass, cuz
when we told him Egypt he started laughing his ass off...
 
T:Helloooooo?
U:Hi!  I'm dialing numbers at random from the phone book and I just called to
wish you a Merry Christmas and a very good night!
T:In the MIDDLE of the NIGHT you're calling people at random?  <CLICK>
 
T:Hello?
U:This is Dominoe's Pizza.  Did you order a pizza?
 
T:Hello?
U1:Hello?
T:What do you want?
U1:You called me, what do YOU want?
T:I didn't call you.
U2:Hey, who's on my line?
T:Who is this?
U1:What do you want?
U3:Hey, is that Fergusson?
U2:Who's Fergusson?
T:What's going on here?  Who is this?
U1:There's 4 people on the line?
U3:What the hell's happening?
U2:I think the lines are bleeding, or crossed or something.
T:Well talk to Fergusson about it.  <CLICK>
 
T:Hello?
U:This is 911.  We just received a call from you, but the call was disconnected.
Are you having problems?
T:No, and we didn't call you, we're all asleep!
U:According to the computer, you called here.  There is no trouble?
T:No, and we didn't call!
U:Yes you did.  You sure there are no problems?
T:YES and we DID NOT CALL!
U:YES you DID.  Goodbye.........bitch  <CLICK>
 
T:Hello?
All of Us:Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All The Way <click>
 
     The next one was fucking bad as hell, try it sometime-
T:Hello?
U:I don't appreciate you calling me and hanging up like you just did.
T:I didn't call you!
U:Yes you did!  I have this New Jersey Bell Call Return service and it called
you back!  Computers don't lie!
T:I DIDN'T CALL YOU!
U:Yes you did and I don't appreciate it!
T:Why don't you come over here and I'll kick your ass, then see who called who!
U:Fuck you!  I'm going to use my Call Tracing, Trace your ass, and report you to
New Jersey Bell tomorrow for harrassment!
T:Oh yeah?  Well give me your number and I'll report YOU for harrassment,
because that's what you're doing RIGHT NOW!
U:<click>
We were gonna give a dude's name and #, but hell, we weren't thinking...
 
T:Crisis Hot Line, can I help you?
U:Hi!  My name is Tom!  Meet my friends Dick
U2:Hi!
U:And Harry!
U3:Hi!
T:Uh...Hello...
U:Are you friendly?
T:Yes...
U:Will you be my friend?
T:Yes, I will.
U:Why, you don't even know me.
T:Because I care.
U123:So, what is the most popular method for Group Suicide?
T:I don't know!  Is this some kind of joke?
U:NICE fucking way to handle a PROBLEM...BITCH!!!!  <CLICK>
 
     And an idea I had many moons ago...  This was during the evening...
We called a dude who lived out in Bufu Egypt, out of any Pizza Delivery's
area...
 
T:Hello?
U:Hello.  This is Dominoe's Pizza.  Someone has bought you a pizza as a gift,
but unfortunately you are out of our delivery area.  Could you come and pick it
up?
 
 
 
     Ah well, that's about it...  It was a hell of a time, try it sometime.
 
(c)1989 Toxic Shock
 
                             The Followers of Fetus
                                Gross Genitalia
                               Twisted Testicles
                                  Fetal Juice
                               Bloody Afterbirth
                                 Tasty Abortion
 
 
