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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #839
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888               "ROTTWEILER the STORY!"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "                 by Lapse
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               9/20/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        Hello kiddies!  Welcome to another one of my humble tales. 

        Aren't dogs lovable?  So cute and furry!  They way they wag their
 tails and lick your face.

        I have a friend who covers her crotch with peanut butter... but that
 is another story.

        ANYWAYS...

        I love dogs.  Rottweilers are one of my favorites.  One day I took my
 friend Timmy to see one...

        It was a beautiful sunny day.  I told my mom that i was going for a
 walk.

        She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a cookie.  Chocolate chip my
 favorite!

        As I walked outside I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face.

        The wind rustled in the trees and the birds sung a wonderful song.
 Being a kid on a Saturday afternoon is a wonderful thing.  As I turned the
 corner I saw Sammy the mailman.  I could hear him saying the same thing he
 says every afternoon...

        "OH DEAR GOD SOMEONE HELP ME!!!  AIIIGH!!!  AAAAAAIIIIIGGGHH!!!!!"

        My nieghboors dog Cuddles was feeling playfull as usual.

        As I walked by he saw me and said:

        "For the love of God kid throw me that spray can by your feet, it
 rolled away when this dog leaped on me!"

        I looked down to see a small spray can.

        "Why?" I said.

        "DON"T ASK ME WHY JUST THROW ME THE GAWDDAMMED FUCKING CAN!!!!"

        Well since he was going to be rude about it I walked over To Timmy's
 house.

        "YOU FUCKING LITTLE BASTARD!!!!  AAAAAAIIIIGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!" he
 screamed as Cuddles dragged him into the tiny dog house.

        My mom sure makes a good cookie.

        I rung Timmy's doorbell and he came outside.

        "Come on, well go to UDF and get some ice cream!" I said.

        "Cool!" Timmy said.

        We walked together down the street.  As we came across Cuddles house,
 we saw him sitting in the front yard with what looked like Sammy's shoe.  I
 guess Sammy must have left Cuddles another shoe to play with.  I walked up
 to the dog.

        "That dog looks mean." Timmy said.

        "Oh he is just lovable, if you don't make any sudden movements." I
 said as I petted the warm fuzzy dog.  It dropped the shoe and started
 licking my hand.

        "Oh, okay." Timmy said as he too walked up to Cuddles.

        When Cuddles saw Timmy, it ran up to him.  A big thick broken chain
 dragged behind Cuddles.

        It knocked him over and started licking his face. Timmy and I
 laughed.  This was a big goofy playful dog.  After a while Millie the owner
 came out.  MIllie was a nice lady.  She would always tell us stories about
 her job and how people would put money on her leg.  She said she was a good
 dancer.

        "Dinner time Cuddles, oh hi kids!" she said.

        "Hi Miss MIllie", we both said.

        "I see you were playing with Cuddles again!  I'm going to have to get
 a stronger chain, he is not supposed to be in the front yard!"

        Timmy and I giggled.

        "Would you like some milk and cookies?" she said.

        Timmy and I rushed the door.

        After having our fill of cookies we bid Millie farewell and started
 along our way.

        "That sure was fun!" Timmy said.

        "Sure was nice of her to give us a bath afterwards, I usually don't
 like baths, but somehow with her it's different." I said.

        Timmy giggled.

        We walked a few blocks and we were almost to the store when Timmy
 pulled something out of his pocket.

        "Look at this, I found it in Millie's front yard, I think it's breath
 mint!" Timmy said as held up Sammy's small spraycan.

        "Some type of breath mint called Mace."

        Timmy sprayed some into his mouth before I could warn him that he
 should'nt use something that has been on the dirty ground.

        Timmy had a look of surprise on his face.

        I guess he did'nt expect it to be so minty.

        "Was it good?" I asked.

        He opened his mouth while making a weird throaty noise.  His tounge
 was bright red and he started drooling like a baby.

        "AAAAGK GAAHHGGG!" he said.

        "Thats gross, my granpa makes noises like that when he hacks up a
 loogy, YOU'RE SICK!" I said.

        Tears welled up in Timmy's eyes.  I guess I must have hurt his
 feelings.

        He fell to the ground and rolled out into the street just as a huge
 truck rolled by.  I heard a huge smacking sound and a crunch.

        Before I knew it police and ambulances were on the scene.

        They asked where the mace came from, I told them that it belonged to
 Sammy the mailman.

        They offered me a ride home but I told them that I did not live so
 far away.

        As I walked home, I noticed that I had speckles of blood on me.  I
 was dirty, and after all the time and care Miss Millie took cleaning me up.
 I decided that i had to go back.  I hoped that she would'nt be too mad that
 I ruined her good work.  I couldn't go home, my mom would kill me for being
 so messy.

        To my surprise Miss Millie was happy to see me.  I told her I fell
 down a hill so she wouldn't worry about Timmy.  I was smart enough to
 scratch myself up before she saw me.

        Miss Millie was such a nice lady.  She gave me milk and cookies, a
 sponge bath, and she kissed the scratches to make the pain go away.

        The next afternoon I noticed Cuddles playing with a new mailman.

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!     HOE #839 - WRITTEN BY: LAPSE - 9/20/99 ]
