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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #767
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                    "MIXIN' IT UP"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "                by GrlFrMars
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               7/28/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        For this article I've chosen a relatively commonplace topic, but one
 of great relevance to the lives of many.  It's something that everyone
 does, has, enjoys.  Something that, when given to someone special, can
 bring about a deeper level of intimacy.  The same thing, when given out too
 freely, can cause great confusion and distress, plus it may cost a lot of
 money.   Of course, I'm talking about mix tapes.

        We've all made them for those we love and admire, and for ourselves
 for various reasons.  I usually make them for my friends so that they might
 learn about my musical taste, but I have encountered mix tapes with "a
 message;" one of love, hate, lust, etc.  It is possible that those who make
 tapes with an overall message are incapable of expressing themselves in
 their own words, or have unauthentic emotions toward the person for whom
 they're making the tape.  Yes, I confess, I've used the mix tape as a
 Macking device, but we all have.  You know how it goes, put on lots of
 booty music combined with the occasional sappy love song, and you've got
 your Mackin' tape.  But I digress.

        The inspiration for this text file is my discovery of a veritable
 treasure trove of old mix tapes during my move.  Characteristic of me,
 none of the tapes had a label; I then made it my mission to listen to each
 and every one of them.  After getting nearly halfway through, I came to a
 conclusion concerning myself and my mix-tape-making prowess.  Hot damn, do
 I suck.  I've got about 6 tapes of the same songs in different order,  a
 few more nonsensical ones (as in the most random horrible music I've
 heard), and then some mix tapes people made for me.  The ones from other
 people were by far better than the ones I'd made.  These tapes were
 obviously made before I got my car, so that excuse is ruled right out.
 Why, by all things godly, would I have made so many tapes of my own music?

        I visited my university's department of Deciphering Mix Tapes to
 consult a few experts in the field.  Who knows, maybe I'd learn something
 about myself.  I had brought some tapes to them before, they have graduate
 students who analyze your tapes for free as part of their doctoral
 curriculum.  I located my favorite student and emptied out my box of tapes
 onto her desk.

        "I see these are unlabeled," she said. "Very interesting, they offer
 much insight into the personality of the person who made the tapes."

        "I made the tapes," I said.

        She inched away from me slowly, and an uneasy feeling set in.  She
 told me to come back later that afternoon for her diagnosis.

        Upon my return, I sensed a great deal of frustration in the
 atmosphere of the DMT building.  There were students and professors milling
 around like I'd never seen before.  I entered the grad student's office and
 found her sitting in the corner with her knees up against her chest.  When
 she saw me, she bolted up, ran to her desk, grabbed a piece of paper and
 handed it to me.  It was a formal-looking letter from the head of DMT.  I
 left the student curled up in the corner and read the letter on my way out.
 It went something like this:

 [-----]

        Dear Miriam,

        After much careful consideration, we have reached the most difficult
 conclusion to the problem put forth by your collection of mix tapes.  We
 brought in experts from other universities, and placed many calls to
 world-renowned mix-tape-ologists, and they all concluded thus:

        You need to get out more.

        Find a hobby that does not involve recording the same songs on many
 different tapes.  Start crocheting, or kayaking, or take up the kazoo.
 Just please, don't make mix tapes for no reason. Use the delicate, beautiful
 tape-making process for useful purposes, for example; make tapes to listen
 to in your car, and make tapes for your friends.

        This is the best advice we can offer to preserve your psychological
 well-being.  Take care, and use those blank tapes wisely!

        Warmest personal regards,

                                The Department of Deciphering Mix Tapes.

        P.S. Can I get a copy of your Bjork CD? I'll give you a tape.

 [-----]

        So I guess this account of my mix-tape escapades has a bit of a
 moral, or it's just completely fucking stupid.  The possible moral is, as
 explained by the DMT letter, use your mix tapes wisely.  Another moral
 could be get out more.  Anyway, thank you for partaking in another
 pointless chapter in my life.  I can make you the soundtrack if you send me
 a tape.

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #767 - WRITTEN BY: GRLFRMARS - 7/28/99 ]
