     s$
     $$     .d""b. .d""b.                  HOE E'ZINE #1078
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     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$ss$$             "My Alligator Dancing Shoes"
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$                          by, Rhea
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$                      05/15/00
 [-- $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
     $$  $$ "TssT" "TssT"

	baBOOM baBOOM baBOOM baBOOM strange things were coursing through
 me, I swear it baBOOM baBOOM and it was more than just the frenzied
 frantic frustrating rhythm of my heart beating that made me so crazy.
 baBOOM it kind of made me crazy kind of made me baBOOM baBOOM kind of
 made me want to dance.

	Things started.  Life was sick of dancing with me because I barely
 even shuffled my feet and the rhythm, the baBOOM in me, wasn't too easy
 to groove to.  I just wasn't where it's at, I guess.  All I can say is
 that some things _didn't_ start, too, and probably never will.  Where
 it's at baBOOM this scat that baBOOM baBOOM that was kind of making me
 crazy.

	baBOOM baBOOM baBOOM -- I used to think that _that's_ what makes
 the world go round, that rhythm of life of fucking life of fucking of --
 Strange things were coursing through me.  That is... if the world _is_
 round, I thought.  I was thinking, how do you even _know_ the world is
 endless?  How do you know it's round and round and round?  As if the
 pulsing baBOOM baBOOM didn't make me nauseous enough, I thought.  I was
 dizzy, too, now, and it was kind of making me crazy.  I remember
 thinking, how do you know the end of the earth isn't somewhere in the
 middle of the unchartered Australian outback or something?  It probably
 is, I thought!  Yes.  I decided it was.

	Then I thought, _that's_ why Crocodile Dundee is so fucking smart!
 Yeah, I always saw those deep crevices in his thick, brown leathery skin
 and guessed there was some kind of strange wisdom hidden there, like a
 fountain of knowledge dancing in there, right in his ruggedly handsome
 masculine face, to a rhythm I always wanted to hear.  Crocodile Dundee,
 king of the Aussie outback, has been face to ruggedly handsome face with
 the end of the earth.  The end of the earth is where it's at, hey!  it's
 always been flat baBOOM baBOOM this scat baBOOM those Australian bats that
 he could call so easily.  Okay, so I admit it, I was kind of in love.

	Maybe it was _that_ crazy energy that was coursing through me so
 strangely, combined with the beating of that round fleshy organ in the
 middle of my chest that made the blood pulse through my body.  Dying?
 Living?  His hand pressed so sensually against the hollow of my wrist,
 feeling the pulse, the rhythm, the groove -- and then starting to move...
 those thick, callused hands had wrestled crocodiles!  It was too exciting
 to bear, the thought of Crocodile Dundee holding the big jaws of a
 writhing, leathery beast shut and controlling the frantic movements
 beneath him with the weight of his strong, powerful body.  That's a dance
 if nothing is a dance... human against nature... just two living creatures
 dancing with each other and writhing with each other and moving with each
 other to a baBOOM baBOOM rhythm of life and okay, so I admit it, I was
 kind of in love. And it was kind of making me crazy.

	Things started.  Crocodile Dundee and his troupe of absurd
 alligators started hunting me, I think, and yeah that was a completely
 different kind of excitement, but it was strange, too.  My blood was
 tingling and strange things were coursing through me and maybe it was the
 rush of adrenaline in the chase that made me feel so _alive_.  The beating
 of my heart was getting faster and faster as I ran and I remember feeling
 it pulse through my forehead. It was throbbing, and my ears felt a kind of
 throbbing too, almost, as the warm pulsing tingling blood rushed to my
 head.  They say to run zig-zag when an alligator is chasing you.  I think I
 remember Crocodile Dundee whispering that in my ears on one steamy
 Australian night, and of course I remembered.  baBOOM baBOOM I remembered
 everything that wild passionate man ever told me with his gruff but
 sensual voice, thick with that Aussie twang that just thrilled me so much.
 Thrilled me.  The thrills were coursing through me and it was strange.  I
 never even really knew how to dance.  I guess I always had the baBOOM
 baBOOM the baBOOM the rhythm inside me but I well I was too wrapped up in
 the dizzying world going round and round because I thought _that_ was
 what made the world go round.  But Crocodile Dundee chasing me with his
 troupe of absurd alligators and with those dead crocodile skins hanging
 from his pack taught me that it was really _love_ that made the world go
 round, after all, even though the world wasn't even round at all!

	And what I loved more than anything was staring into the deep wise
 crevices in his ruggedly handsome face and knowing all the while that the
 end of the earth was in there somewhere -- in that vast unchartered
 Australian outback -- and that he had seen it.  Yes, I admit it.  I was in
 love with him.  He had been where it's at and knew that it was all flat.
 baBOOM baBOOM this rhythm, that scat.

	But then, as he kept chasing me and as baBOOM baBOOM my heart rate
 increased and adrenaline and thrills and love coursed through me all of a
 baBOOM sudden things started.  The absurd alligators who were with my
 ruggedly handsome love started chanting things, hissing things -- bad
 things -- at me.  They were just angry with me for running zig-zag,
 probably, and I think Crocodile Dundee had whispered something to me
 about their anger but that must have been when his hand, so thick and
 callused, was pressed so sensually to the throbbing pulsing hollow of my
 wrist because well because it was kind of making me crazy and it baBOOM
 was kind of making me kind of making me crazy so I guess I forgot what he
 said...

	Strange things were coursing through me and it was more than just
 the frenzied frantic frustrating rhythm of my heart beat and it was more
 than the dizzying nausea of the turning world that wasn't turning inside
 the deep ravines of knowledge on his tanned, leathery face.  Now it was
 fear.  I looked down and saw that my shoes, my dancing shoes that Crocodile
 Dundee had given me -- he had pulled them out of his pack with those thick
 strong callused hands -- were responding to the hissing of the absurd
 alligators behind me.

	And that's when I realized that the dancing shoes weren't made of
 crocodile skin like I had thought, but of absurd alligator skin, and at
 the hisses and chants of the troupe behind me the dead alligators on my
 shoes were stirring back to life.  They say you should run zig-zag from
 alligators, but things change when the alligators are on your own feet.
 Yes, things were starting.  Strange things were coursing through me and
 baBobaOObaOObamOObOOBom now things baBaOBbaOOabmOaOOmb were bMOO distorted
 and BOOMbA the rhythm baOBaobBaooOOmO was disbOOmAtorted, too.  I tried to
 run zig-zag inBaOMMa my danciOOMbang shoes but even the rhythm from my
 feet hitting the hard dusty ground of the unchartered Australian outback
 was disBaBOabOOmMaBoBAmtorted.  So I stopped.

	I was feeling nauseous.

	And dizzy.

	Then my alligator dancing shoes started snapping at my feet,
 biting my feet, and my ruggedly handsome Crocodile Dundee and his troupe
 of absurd alligators were still running towards me.  I couldn't move.  It
 wasn't rhythm and now it wasn't adrenaline and it wasn't even love now
 anymore but it was kind of making me crazy.  My feet were consumed with
 pain.

	Suddenly Crocodile Dundee shouted out to me, "Teach me how to
 dance real slow and they'll let you go," with his gruff but deep and
 sonorous voice, just _dripping_, absolutely _dripping_, with that thick
 Aussie twang.  I was suprised.  Blood was leaking out of my absurd
 alligator skin dancing shoes and the pain was consuming me.  Strange
 things were coursing through me and still I was suprised because I'd
 never heard my ruggedly hansome Aussie love shout before.

	I just stood there.  I was feeling nauseous, and dizzy, and it was
 kind of making me crazy.  "I'm sorry for stealing your watch!" he finally
 shouted, even louder, and the deep wise lines on his tanned leathery face
 stood out even more, because he was frowing.  The blood was leaking out
 into a big puddle that soaked quickly into the dusty, dry land of the
 unchartered Australian outback. It was probably starving for nutrients.
 My dancing shoes were still biting me and my heart was beating very
 erratically, very arhythmically, very painfully.  "I'm sorry for stealing
 your watch," Crocodile Dundee cried again.

	I looked at my wrist, the same wrist that he had pressed his hand
 against so sensually, and it was bare.  I had forgotten all about my watch
 during my craziness.  But now I remembered, more clearly than ever, that
 it was the watch that had made my dancing just shuffling back in the
 beginning.  The ticking and tocking of the watch had been pressed coldly
 against the hollow of my wrist but now it was too late, everything was too
 late.  Crocodile Dundee, so smart, so smart, held out my watch to me, a
 pathetic pleading expression on his ruggedly handsome face.  I could
 barely move my bleeding, painful feet, but somehow I managed, because I
 was sick of being crazy.  I took a step towards him, and then

	baOOBaOmMAbOOmABaABOOmbOmAa

	tick

	I took a step

	tock

	baBOOaBmA

	towards him, and then the absurd alligators burst into laughter.
 It was a cruel, bad, mean hissing noise.  And then even Crocodile Dundee,
 still holding my watch, burst into laughter too... deep, hearty chuckles.
 baOMaBAticktockBaOOM rhythms were arythmical and yes I was finally yes I
 was finally baOOMTICKBAOmAAtock falling falling falling into a pit that I
 hadn't seen when I took my step.

	Crocodile Dundee whispered, as I fell, "Welcome to where it's at"
 and then he threw a dead crocodile skin -- one that he had wrestled to
 death with his bare hands, so strong and callused, as it writhed beneath
 his strong powerful body -- into the end of the earth after me.  He threw
 it in after me so that if I looked up towards the unchartered Australian
 outback that I had fallen from, I couldn't see the sky... all I could see
 was the crocodile skin falling after me.

	And I could hear the laughter. And the rhythm -- I could hear
 that, too, baBOOmtickbaBOOMtock, mixed in with the laughter.  They all
 melted together, as I fell.  It became the strangest music... it was so
 strange, and it was coursing through me, this music.  It wasn't dancing
 music, but that was okay, because my feet were too mangled to dance, and
 anyway, I was falling.  I was falling to the strangest music, coursing
 through me.

	At least I wasn't crazy anymore.  Crocodile Dundee had tricked me
 into falling off the end of the earth, and the strangest music was
 coursing through me, but at least it wasn't making me crazy anymore.

	...and I fell, and I fell, and I fell...

	...and then I remembered!  I remembered where I had heard the
 music before!  It was just the music played during the credits of a dumb
 movie I had seen one day called "Crocodile Dundee."

	...and I guess it had kind of made me crazy. 

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 [ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu        HOE #1078, BY RHEA - 5/15/00 ]
