                 ______      ______         ______________
                |      |    |      |        \             |
                 \    /      \    /   ____   \     _______|
                  |  |________|  |   /    \   |    |____
                  |   ________   |  (  {}  )  |    _____)
    /~~~~~~~~~~~  |  |        |  |   \____/   |    |______  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
    |  |~~~~~~~  /    \      /    \          /            |  ~~~~~~~~~|  |
    |  |        |______|    |______|        /_____________|           |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
    |  | H0gs of Entr0py TeXt Fi1es Pr3sent...a didactic text file... |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
    |  |             "I'm a Chick, You Obviously Want Me"             |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
    |  |                                     By: the demure literary  |  |
    |  |                                            vixen, cRAnK      |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
     \  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  /
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                 
     You all want me.
     There's nothing else I can say. I've been in the "modem scene" for
what's closing in on two years now, and I've met maybe one person whom I
can't at least coerce into flirting with me. Whether they're dating or not.
Hell, I've gotten six *married* guys to ask me if I'd like to come over,
maybe watch a movie "or something like that heh heh". Numerous freaks of the
computer world have asked me on numerous dates I don't want to go on, all
because I'm female and I'll acknowledge them. <shrug>
     Ps. The names have been changed to protect these assholes from the
insane and deleterious masses.


Point 1: The Entire MBBS System
======== --- ------ ---- ------
     
     I just got out of the shower. If I were to, instead of writing this
beautiful t-file, call my favorite MBBS and relay this choice tidbit of
information to almost any male there, I already know what the response would
be:

:[From CompuLoser]: huh huh were you naked?  and wet?

     No. I prefer to take my showers adorned in full three-piece pinstriped
suits. Penny loafers reliant on my mood.
     Now, some of you out there may be saying "well, gee cRAnK, you were
really asking for it by telling him you were in the shower." Sure. I very
well could have been "asking for it", probably much in the same way that
women ASK to be raped.
     It's rather pathetic, but sometimes, no, most of the time I don't have
to say anything even closly related to being derobed to be hit on in this
overtly 13-year-old-just-discovering-the-benefits-of-my-right-hand manner.
Sometimes I receive pages from people I've never heard of with beauties like 
this one attached:

:***
Hotcock is paging you from Menuing System: wanna hot chat?

     I just find it rather irritating that simply because I was born female
and happen to have an interest in computers that I must endure this sort of
degradation from total strangers. Even worse when it comes from people I've
known for awhile and thought I knew better. For example, I've known this one
for close to a year now, and I actually got this the other day, no lie:

:[From SexyStud (whispered)]: i'm really horny..so what are you going to do
about that?

     Sure, had he been joking, I'd be more than happy to play along with him,
at least until he became tiresome. For those of you who don't know me, I'm 
a terrible flirt, actually, I've become quite good at it, but it's only fun
until they start taking me seriously. Or if that's all I get back from them.
     Being taken seriously is something else that makes me twitch. I enjoy
joking around. I like a sense of humor; who doesn't? It's pretty obvious I'm
teasing someone; unless one has absolutely no reasoning skills at all it
isn't difficult for one to tell I'm a flirt. So why have I had two people
I've never even met in reality tell me they love me? I shit you not.
     Have some insight, fellas. You only love my character.
     I like to talk to people. That's why I call these boards. I like to see
how long it takes for them to ask me out, to offer me gifts or the occasional
sexual favor, or at the least to ask for my measurements. It's fun to see if
I can manipulate this one, or ooh that one because he says he's "built" in
his registry, or that one because he's already someone's boyfriend. It's all
a large game being played by a lot of people. Or maybe it's just a way to
play  the people themselves. It makes no difference.
     The whole thing just turns me into a bigger and more obstinate
misanthrope every additional day I expose myself to it.
     Stupid fucking lemmings. 


Point 2: Reply to All My Posts. Now.
======== ----- -- --- -- ------ ----

     Renegade, Wildcat, Spitfire, PC Board, Oblivian/X, whatever, it makes
about two beans of difference to me, anywhere a female can post will suit 
my cause. It's all a rather interesting menegarie of muddled conversations, 
bits of patter and occasionally something actually worthwhile.
     Regardless, what I'm getting to is how females are treated on these
systems. If someone posts a question, for instance, and I know the answer, 
I'll post back. Big deal, right? So why does someone then have to reply to
my post with a sexual innuendo? No matter what I post.

date: 3:12 am  Fri June 2, 1995        number : 33 of 34
from: Crank                            base   : it matters not
to  : Missionary Boy                   refer #: 32
subj: re: math test!                   replies: none
stat: normal                           origin : local

Mi> does anyone know what the square root of 25 is?

eye kN0w! 1t's /=1\/E!@#$ eye em 5m4/~t!!@&
cRAnK

     Please realize I'm simply mocking the millions of brilliants who
a) don't know the square root of 25 and b) actually type like that. <shrug>
It's a bad habit I picked up from our HoE leader, Mogel. (Hi m0g)
     Shh! Let's see the reaction my post gets!

date: 10:23 pm  Sat June 3, 1995       number : 34 of 34
from: SexMeUp                          base   : it matters not
to  : Crank                            refer #: 33
subj: re: math test!                   replies: none
stat: normal                           origin : local

Cr> eye kN0w! 1t's /=1\/E!@#$ eye em 5m4/~t!!@&
Cr> cRAnK

your like a real genious. can i lick you're engorged nipple?


     Alright, this wasn't such a good example but I'm sure the smarter ones
in the group will at least understand my basic principle. And no matter what
I reply in return, maybe not even anything except tons o' badmouthing for
this "genious" here, I'll get another advance in return. It's pathetic.
     Okay, I can admit that sometimes I'll flirt at someone for absolutely
no reason whatsoever. It's in my nature. It amuses me. (Author's note: those
things that "amuse" me are in no way funny..just amusing. If you can grasp
that concept, maybe it's reserved for those whom have an iq higher than their
waist size. <shrug>) So I'm saying I'm as much at fault as the minions I 
control, except I'll at least try to be humerous about it. Let's say I made
the mistake of mentioning to someone I was wearing red panties. It's the
difference between

"You only wear red underwear because of all the blood."

and

"Well, you know how you are with red in that area..."

     It's whether someone replys with something rude, obnoxious, annoying, 
insensitive, or just disgusting as opposed to something that will at least
*think* about eliciting a smile on a grim and slack countenance.
     By the way, this conversation actually occured. The first reply was made
by an anonymous loser, we'll call him Xnirys, completely without cause. The
second was from a friend of mine, whom henceforth will be referred to as 
Eguficul, which was offered as a preferred alternative while we discussed
Xnirys' completely uncalled-for comment. And you shush, this is anon. Those
handles aren't written backwards.


Point 3: Manipulation is /<3\x/|_!
======== ------------ -- ---------

     I don't mind saying it, I manipulate people. Hell, I'm proud of the fact
most of the time. I don't do it to anyone that means anything to me, of
course, but I just think it's horrible that it's so *simple*. It's one of the
easiest  things I've found to do in the modem world that actually pays off.
     "How," one might ask, "would one go about this act of manipulation that
causes you so much joy, cRAnK?" Well, average t-file reader, that's a tough
one. I've had people, people I hate and bitch at, give me money. "w0w!@#$
h0w??@" Well, sometimes I don't know. One gentleman (term used loosly) I met
online I did nothing but scream at. An actual piece of our conversation:

:[From MasochisticAtHeart]: this is a kewl board
:>mas You are a lamer. You are obviously incapable of even spelling the word
"cool" correctly. Please die soon.
-- Message directed to MasochisticAtHeart --
:[From MasochisticAtHeart]: what is your name?
:>mas I refuse to speak to you if you cannot even direct a message to me when
there are others in the Teleconference channel. If you want to know anything,
read my registry and leave me the hell alone.
--Message directed to MasochisticAtHeart --
:[From MasochisticAtHeart (whispered)]: can i have your number? id' like to 
talk to you more.

     I'm not always this anal, only when the situation calls for it.
     Mind you, this lasted at least half again an hour, and this man,
cunningly called MasochisticAtHeart, was 27. He was aware at the time that I
was 16. I got *his* number and called him and yelled at him and the like.
Fairly badly. He was quite humbled. A little while later, the MBBS board on
which I spoke to him (I should say spoke AT him) went pay. This was that
evening's conversation:

:[From MasochisticAtHeart (whispered)]: hi. are you going to pay?
:/mas No way. I have better things to spend my money on than a silly BBS.
-- Message sent only to MasochisticAtHeart --
:[From MasochisticAtHeart (whispered)]: how about if i pay for your account?
i miss takling to you on line.
:/mas It's your money, you can do with it as you please.
-- Message sent only to MasochisticAtHeart --
:[From MasochisticAtHeart (whispered)]: okay i'll talk to the sys-op

     Go figure.   
     

Point 4: Everyone's an idiot
======== ---------- -- -----

     Anyone will talk to anybody these days, about any topic your hormone-
drenched little mind can conjure up. A perfect example occured the other day,
strangely enough just in time for this t-file <shrug>. Mogel, our prized 
leader, and his anonymous friend (who we'll just call Frannie) stopped by my
house for a little while. We partied, but that's not my point here.
     Mogel, seeing my term program, immediately dialed in to a MBBS system
(which is not getting plugged in this file, no sir!) and called myself and
Frannie over. "Watch this," he cautioned us. He actually picked out randomly
someone on the board and started chatting with them.  Choice pieces of his
chat appear below. Mogel leads.

what's your favorite type of cheese?
Cheeze Whiz
mE t0o!@!!@1  uh, do you masturbate?
of course
uhh.. how much do you masturbate?  how often?
too often
like, gimme an idea.. c'mon.. 
uhh... I don't really keep count
liar.  is it per day?
uhhh... more than once per day
wow.  how do you do that?
Great enduarnace and porno texts
hahaha.. where do you get porno texts?  teehee.
hehe people upload them to my mini board

     A bit later on...Mogel again leads.

okay. what's the meaning of life?
Too eat fuck and have fun
but if your masturbating more than once a day, do you count that as sex?
no, fun
oic.  that's very interesting.  have you ever masturbated while you were
sitting in FRONT of your 'puter?
I read the txts off my computer so yea
i mean, like, do you do it under, over or on the keyboard?
hehe no
which one?~@!@#!!!!#!~!#~!@!~
No, No, No
uh, then what do you do?   do you walk off to another room or something?
I fly around the room grabbing myself and screaming "WHHHEEEEEEE"
don't patronize me!#!@@!

     It's okay to be scared. Our penis-bound friend begins this section.

Ok master. uhh i sit in a chair and do my duty
neat.  and like do you push away from your computer or somethin'?
I don't have a mobile chair
so it's like under your desk?
Uhh... not really..
what do you do?!?!  c'mon!@#!@#!@@@#!251#$!@!@53
Well i sit there, i'm not under i'm in front
ohhh!  i get it.  Are you uh, are you into GIFs?
slightly
uh, like, what's your favorite type of GIF?
Uhh... Famous and lesbians
that's pretty sharp.

     No, wait! There's more! Cue Mogel.

am i annoying you?
nope
good.  then tell me who is your favorite sex txt story about?
It's about this lady and her next door neighboor, who is her sons age comes 
  over and he like gets her into all these positions , except she's like a
  really hot mom and the it's got to be one of like 3 well written txts i've
  seen out of hun hundreds
are you masturbating right now?
nope
are you sure?  that was _quite_ a recap.  uh, are you even a little..excited?
teehee a little i guess, you want me to upload it right now

     Alright, I think I've tortured you with that quite enough. My reason,
you may ask, is just to show that any of these poor bastards will chat with 
ANYONE who wants to. About anything. Please note: Mogel and Frannie and I all
had a nice hearty laugh over this one. He does not do this when he is alone,
honest. Also note that our semen-laden asshole here hardly ever talks to
Mogel, let alone talks with him about anything of a personal nature. They
don't even know each other's real first names.
     I'd like to quickly comment that he ascii-uploaded his "favorite" sex
text file into the chat, but I was nice enough to cut that part out. None of 
us watching went off to read it and, say, jerk off into my trashcan, and then
waltz out and proudly proclaim it, much as someone ELSE did...(if you'd like 
the story, Mogel, Frannie, and various others besides myself would be happy 
to relate it to you in all of it's gory detail.)
     Back to my point, why would someone be willing to reveal information of
this personal a nature to an almost total stranger? Are you that lonely? Do
you crave attention so badly that you feel forced to go to this extreme to
get it, whether that attention is malignant or not? <sigh>s and <shudder>s
all around.


Point 5: I could be MALE!
======== - ----- -- -----

     To clear up any immediate confusion, no, I am not male. However, while
you flirt with me, and buy me accounts, and ask me my bra size, and tell me
I sound cute, you really have no idea whether I'm wearing a cup or not. I 
would like to print my actual registry for a "popular" MBBS I frequent, 
right in this HoE, flirtatious or not. (Idiots: the answer is the former.)

:/r crank

Ok, here's the info for Crank...

Real Name:  alishia =)                  Sex: f  Age: 16?
Aliases: cRAnK
City/State: media, aka bumblefu*k
Voice Phone#: ask i'll decide
Physical Description: 5'2, 94lbs, br/gr/pr hair, blue eyes, 48-24-26. oops,
that was my locker
Comp. Phone#: soon                      BBS: ůsanctionů
Favorite Movie: you're watching? ;)     Favorite TV Show: tv sucks
Favorite Music: metal and punk          Instrument Played: drums, bass
Favorite Foods: wild strawberries
Favorite Sport: hockey. flyers rule.
Other Hobbies/Interests: reptiles and computers.
General Info: ˙˙˙˙"i'll do anything i can
              to find a way to stop the wheel."  -daryl
Summary: IStriveForIndividualityLikeEveryoneElse

     That's really not all that bad, is it? I don't believe so. A bit flirty,
a bit humorous, all real. My locker combination actually *is* 48-24-26. You
wouldn't believe how many comments I get on that one..with one of three main
ideas behind it and three main responses in front of it:

:***
SweatyLove is paging you from Farwest Trivia: hehe i like your locker combo 
thingy. that's funny. :)
:/p sweaty Hey thanks. Glad I can amuse someone. :)
Paging SweatyLove...

:***
SuckMeOff is paging you from MajorMUD: are those your real measurements?
:/p suck Yes. My chest is larger than my head, double D cups. Makes a 
fabulous snack-tray.
Paging SuckMeOff...

:***
Romeo is paging you from Teleconference: you have big titts
:forget romeo
Okay, you will not receive any of Romeo's whispers, pages, chat
requests, or invitations.  You will also not see any of his public
messages or actions and Romeo has been uninvited from your private
channel.  Enjoy the peace and quiet!

     It's all really rather amusing. For all these people know, I could be
some hulking 700-pound slob with three chins, drooled milkshake down my
front, a piece of fried chicken in each hand, licking my stained teeth and 
scratching at the lice in my greasy, stringy hair. Nice image, huh? Even
nicer when you add that I'm sitting there in my old stained boxer shorts.
Make me a male. Jerk off to that, Sparky.
     The ability to hide behind one's keyboard astounds me. People believe
anything you tell them. So naive, so trusting...so foolish. You wonder why
your friend Trixie just got her sweet little heart broken again? Most guys
are the same way I just described (at least those I've come in contact with,
with some obvious exceptions [you know whom you are]). When you give trust,
you give access to a little part of you for someone to hurt. If there's the
option, someone is going to take it.
     And when you get played, when someone takes your heart and grounds it
out under the toe of their sneaker, don't come crying to me.

|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
|    _____      Call Goat Blowers Anonymous for the LATEST HoE!      _____    |
|  6/     ^..^               (215) 750 - 0392                    ^..^     \9  |
|   \_____(oo)   This Issue's Featured ELiTE WaReZ Board is:     (oo)_____/   |
|    WW  WW   \                Demonic Image                    /   WW  WW    |
|            moo.            (215) 464 - 5794                 i am lunch.     |
|                    ...the kings of modern goofiness...                      |
|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
 Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and cRAnK and some junk.  #82 -> 06/16/95
 All rights and hugs to Tim. Greets and love to Spiff. Tailfeathers to all.

 Post-File Message: If you saw your own pathetic self in this t-file, feel
 free to email me on GBA! I'd love to hear what you think <chuckle>.













                                
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