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***                                                                  ***
***                                                                  ***
***                            NutWorks                              ***
***                           ----------                             ***
***              The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine Which States         ***
***                        That Reality Is For People                ***
***                          Who Can't Handle Drugs.                 ***
***                                                                  ***
***  December  1985   Issue 4, Volume II.   NutWorks is Published    ***
***  monthly.  Leonard M. Friedman aka Spock (CALBC821@CUNYVM)       ***
***  Virtual Editor in Chief.                                        ***
***                                                                  ***
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                          From the Bridge
                          ===============
 
Captains Log:
Stardate 850212
Commander Spock Reporting.
                                   *
                               *  * *  *
                                **   **
                                **   **
                               *  * *  *
                                   *
                                  / \
                                 /   \
          Seasons             *--     --*                Happy
                               \       /
                               /       \
                              /         \
         Greetings          *--        --*                New
                             /          \
                            /            \
                           /              \
           and           *--             --*             Year
                          /               \
                         /                 \
                        /                   \
                       /                     \
                     *-------------------------*
                               |     |
                               |     |
                               -------
 
                       From The NutWorks Staff
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                            NutWorks News
                            =============
 
   1) The NutWorks Staff hopes everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend
and also hopes that everyone is not still suffering from turkeyitis.
 
Note: Turkeyitis is a disease most common around Thanksgiving time where
one makes a large  turkey for company and winds up eating the  leftovers
for the next several days (in really bad cases weeks) afterward.
 
   2) Plans are  underway  for Netcon '86  (Spring) which is going to be
held in Boston, Mass.  It is going to be held Memorial Day weekend.  For
more information contact any of the following:
 
          Lynn Snyder            L64A1584 @ JHUVM
          Marcelle Karp          MARCE    @ BITNIC
          William Guttenplan     GUTTENP  @ BMACADM
 
   3) Nutworks will be avialable for Bitnet  users on the  Forum Confer-
encing system  via  the  /getf  Nutworks Issue###  command.  Back issues
have already  been  placed on Forum.  For Usenet users it will be avail-
able  through  Alan (ALAN@NCSUVM.bitnet).  For  more  information please
consult the NutWorks Info File availalbe in a solar  system near you !!!
 
   4) The Staff has decided that on top of distributing NutWorks through
the Forum Conferencing System to create a mailing list.  To get yourself
added to this list send a memo with your account, node, and name (First,
Last) to any of the following:
 
          Lenny aka Spock        CALBC821 @ CUNYVM   (Bitnet)
          Scott aka Orion        CSCSRH   @ CCNYVME  (Bitnet)
          Alan  aka Alan         Alan     @ NCSUVM   (Bitnet, Usenet)
 
Note: Names are strictly for reference purposes.
 
   5) NutWorks is also available on SERVER at TAMCBA.
 
Note: SERVER is 11 nodes from CUNYVM.
 
   6) Brent CJ Britton is no longer  involved  with NutWorks.  Please DO
NOT send any correspondence to him.
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                             A Day Off
                             =========
 
                     So, you want the day off ???
                     Let's take a  moment to look
                     at what you are  asking for.
 
         1      There  are 365  days available  for work.
 
         2      There  are  52 weeks  per year  of  which
                you already have 2 days off each weekend,
                leaving 261 days left available for work.
 
         3      Since you  spend  16  hours each day away
                from  work that  accounts for  170  days.
                There are 91 left available for work.
 
         4      You spend  30  minutes each day on breaks
                that accounts for 23 days a year, leaving
                68 days available for work.
 
         5      You spend  1  hour a  day at lunch,  that
                that accounts  for another  46  days  per
                year leaving 22 days available for work.
 
         6      You spend  2 days per year on sick leave,
                leaving 20 days available for work.
 
         7      You take  9  holidays  per year,  leaving
                11 days available for work.
 
         8      You take  10  days  vacation  each  year,
                leaving 1 day left available for work.
 
                           ---  NO WAY  ---
 
                   Are you going to take THAT day off.
 
        Let's take a moment to look at what you are asking for...
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
     Hi there!  With Christmas about to sneak upon us, I though that
this  article may  be of interest to us NUTWORKS readers.  This  was
originally  published  in the 12/19/83 issue of COMPUTERWORLD and is
written by Richard Carter of Stone & Webster in Boston, MASS.
(Contributed by  KHAAV @ ASUACAD)
 
 
'Twas the week before Christmas         He was not very tall
   And all thru Tech. Supp.                And more chubby than thin;
Not a phone bell was ringing,           His nose matched his clothes
   Not a system was up                     And his face wore a grin.
My keyboard was silent                  He set right to work
   In a 'NOT POLLING' state;               Knowing just what to do
I had a blank screen                    And he didn't stop once
   On my 3278.                             Until he was through.
The manuals were sitting                He pulled from the units
   Straight up on the shelves              The strangest of things,
In hope they'd be stolen                From four calling birds
   By demented, old elves.                 To five golden rings.
And I in my office,                     He cast out the items,
   My face in my hand,                     Piece after piece,
Had just blown the system               And one of us fainted
   With an 'SPQ COMMAND.'                  When he pulled out six geese.
The users were roaming                  He said not a word.
   Outside near their bins,                Except for some griping
Gazing thru windows                     'Cause he had to extract
   At the system within.                   Seven pipers piping.
They saw thru the glass                 He gave out a groan
   What a programmer dreads:               And removed his black gloves,
The printers were ripping               Then reached right inside
   Their output to shreds.                 And removed two squashed doves.
The console was blurred                 Debris filled the room
   By vague moving shapes                  Right up to the doors
While tape drives digested              'Till he slammed shut the units
   Some Master-Files tapes.                And said "It's all yours!"
Operations was frantic                  We looked at each other
   And Systems was screaming:              And said, "What the hell?"
"Our CE's at lunch,                     Then pushed the blue button
   (Or off somewhere dreaming)."           That said "IPL."
The management came                     We heard a few clicks,
   And learned of our fate                 A groan and a glupp,
Once again caught                       And wouldn't you know,
   In a Downtime Stalemate.                The damn thing came up.
"What can we do?"                       The FE just stood there
   One boss moaned in stress.              with a smile on his face.
"I wish we had someone                  As fix-it men go,
   To fix up this mess."                   This guy was an ace.
Then all of a sudden                    He packed up his tools
   From outside the door                   And mounted his sleigh,
We heard a great crash                  Stuck his thumb to his nose
   And dived for the floor.                And went on his way.
And then to our eyes                    We watched as he flew
   Appeared a great sled                   Off into the night
And inside, an FE                       Until in the dark
   (Who was dressed in all red).           He vanished from sight.
He was covered with ink                 Yet we heard him exclaim
   From his head to his toe                And it was sort of dim,
And commented loudly                    "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
   "I wish it were snow."                  But don't call again."
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                BABBAGE --- the language of the future
                ======================================
             Copied from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
                            by Tim McDonough
                       (NU099138@NDSUVM1.BITNET)
 
 
        There are few things in this business that  are more fun  than
   designing a new computer language, and the very latest is ADA - the
   Department of Defense's new supertoy.  ADA,  as you know,  has been
   designed to replace  outmoded and obsolete  languages such as COBOL
   and fortran.
 
        The problem is that this cycle takes 20 to 30 years and  won't
   start  until  we're really  convinced  present languages aren't any
   good. We can  short-circuit  this  process  by  starting  on  ADA's
   replacement right now. Then, by the time we decide ada is obsolete,
   its replacement will be ready.
 
        The new generation of language  designers has  taken to naming
   its brian children after  real people  rather than resorting to the
   usual acronyms.   Pascal is named after the first person to build a
   calculating  machine and  ADA  is named  after the  first  computer
   programmer.  As our namesake, we chose charles babbage, who died in
   poverty while trying to finish building the first computer. The new
   language is thus named after the first  systems designer to go over
   budget and behind schedule.
 
        Babbage is based on  language elements  that  were  discovered
   after the design of ADA was completed.  For instance, C.A.R. Hoare,
   in  his  1980  ACM  Turing  Award  lecture,  told  of two  ways  of
   constructing a software design:
 
      "One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no
       deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated
       that there are no obvious deficiencies."
 
   The  designers  of  Babbage  have  chosen  a third  alternative - a
   language that has only obvious deficiencies.   Babbage programs are
   so unreliable that maintenace  can begin  before system integration
   is completed.   This guarantees  a steady increase in the debug job
   marketplace.
 
        Like Pascal, ADA uses  "strong typing"  to avoid errors caused
   by mixing data types.   The designers of  Babbage  advocated  "good
   typing"  to avoid errors caused by  misspelling  the words  in your
   program. Later versions of Babbage will also allow  "touch typing",
   which will fill a long-felt need.
 
        A hotly contested issue among language designers is the method
   for passing  parameters  to subfunctions.   Some advocate  "call by
   name",  others prefer  "call by value".   Babbage uses a new method
   "call by telephone". This is especially effective for long-distance
   parameter passing.
 
        ADA  stresses the  concept of  software portability.   Babbage
   encourage hardware portability. After all,  what good is a computer
   if you can't take it with you?
 
        It's  a  good  sign  if  your  language  is  sponsored  by the
   government.  COBOL had government backing,  and ADA is being funded
   by the department of defense. After much negotiation, The department
   of sanitation has agreed to sponsor Babbage.
 
        No subsets of ADA are allowed.   Babbage is just the opposite.
   None of  Babbage is  defined  except its extensibility -  each user
   must define his own version.   To end the debate of large languages
   versus small,  Babbage allows  each user  to make  the language any
   size  he wants.   Babbage  is  the  ideal  language  for  the  "ME"
   generation.   The examples that follow  will give some idea of what
   Babbage looks like.
 
        Structured languages banned GOTOs and the multiway conditional
   branches by replacing them with the simpiler If-Then-Else structure.
   Babbage  has a number of  new conditional statements  that act like
   termites in the structures of your program:
 
        What If -
               Used in simulation languages. Branches before
               evaluating test conditions.
 
        Or Else -
               Conditonal threat, as in:
                  "Add these two numbers or else!"
 
        Why Not? -
               Executes the code that follows in a devil-may-care
               fashion.
 
        Who Else? -
               Used for polling during I/O operations.
 
        Elsewhere -
               This is where your program really is when you think
               it's here.
 
        Going Going Gone -
               For writing unstructured programs. Takes a random
               branch to another part of your program.  Does the
               work of 10 GOTOs.
 
        For years, programming languages have used "FOR", "DO UNTIL","
   DO WHILE", etc. to mean "LOOP". Continuing with this trend,
   Babbage offers the following loop statements:
 
        Don't Do While Not -
               This loop is not executed if the test condition is not
               false (or if it's Friday afternoon).
 
        Didn't Do -
               The loop executes onces and hides all traces.
 
        Can't Do -
               The loop is pooped.
 
        Won't Do -
               The CPU halts because it doesn't like the code inside the
               loop. Execution can be resumed by typing  "MAY I"  at the
               console.
 
        Might Do -
               Depends on how the cpu is feeling. executed if the cpu
               is "UP",  not executed if the CPU is "DOWN"  or if its
               feelings have been hurt.
 
        Do Unto Others -
               Used to write the main loop for timesharing systems so that
               they will antagonize the users in a uniform manner.
 
        Do-Wah -
               Used to write timing loop for computer-generated
               music (rag timing).
 
        Every self-respecting structured language has a case statement
   to implement  multiway  brancing.   Algol  offers an  indexed  case
   statement and Pascal has a  labeled case statement.   Not much of a
   choice. Babbage offers a variety of case statements:
 
        The Just-In-Case statement -
               For handling afterthoughts and fudge factors.
               Allows you to multiply by zero to correct for
               accidentally dividing by zero.
 
        The Brief Case statement -
               To encourage portable software.
 
        The Open-And-Shut case statement -
               No proof of correctness is necessary with this one.
 
        The In-Any case statement -
               This one always works.
 
        The Hopeless case statement -
               This one never works.
 
        The Basket case statement -
               A really hopeless case.
 
        The Babbage Language Design Group  is  continuously evaluating
   new features  that will  keep its  users from reaching any level of
   effectiveness.  For instance, Babbage's designers are now consider-
   ing the almost equals sign,   used for comparing two floating point
   numbers. This new feature "Takes the worry out of being close".
 
        No language, no matter how bad, can stand on its own.  We need
   a really  state-of-the-art  operating system  to  support  Babbage.
   After trying  several  commercial systems,   we decided  to write a
   "virtual"   operating  system.   Everybody  has  a  virtual  memory
   operating system so we decided to try something a little different.
   our new  operating  system is  called the  Virtual  Time  Operating
   System (VTOS).   While virtual  memory systems  make the computer's
   memory the  virtual resource,   VTOS  does the same thing with  CPU
   processing time.
 
        The result is that the computer can run an unlimited number of
   jobs at  the  same time.   Like the  virtual memory  system,  which
   actually keeps part of the memory on disk,  VTOS has to play tricks
   to achieve its goals.  Although all of your jobs seem to be running
   right now, some of them are actually running next week.
 
        As you can see, Babbage is still in its infancy.   The babbage
   language design group    seeking  suggestions for this powerful new
   language and as the sole member of this group (all applications for
   membership  will  be  accepted),  I call  on  the  data  processing
   community for help in making this dream a reality.
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                  "Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL"
                  ===================================
                               PART II
 
 
                    THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT WORK
                    ---------------------------
 
     Where  does the  typical  Real Programmer  work?   What kind of
  programs are  worthy of the  efforts of so talented an individual?
  You can be  sure that no  Real Programmer  would  be  caught  dead
  writing accounts-receivable programs in COBOL,  or sorting mailing
  lists for People magazine.  A Real Programmer wants tasks of earth
  shaking importance (literally!).
 
     *  Real Programmers work for Los Alamos National Laboratory,
                         writing atomic bomb  simulations  to run
                         on Cray I supercomputers.
 
     *  Real Programmers work for the National Security Agency,
                         decoding Russian transmissions.
 
     *  It was largely due to the efforts of thousands of Real
        Programmers  working for NASA that our boys got to the
        moon and back before the Russkies.
 
     *  Real Programmers are at work for Boeing  designing the
                         operating systems for cruise missiles.
 
     Some of the most awesome  Real Programmers  of all work at the
  Jet Propulsion Laboratory  in California.  Many of them  know the
  entire operating system of the  Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft by
  heart.  With a combination of large ground-based FORTRAN programs
  and small spacecraft-based assembly language programs,   they are
  able to do incredible feats of  navigation  and  improvisation --
  hitting ten-kilometer wide  windows at Saturn after  six years in
  space, repairing  or bypassing damaged sensor platforms,  radios,
  and batteries.  Allegedly,  one Real Programmer managed to tuck a
  pattern-matching  program  into  a  few  hundred  bytes of unused
  memory in a Voyager spacecraft that  searched for,  located,  and
  photographed a new moon of Jupiter.
 
     The  current  plan  for  the  Galileo  spacecraft  is to use a
  gravity assist trajectory past Mars on the way to Jupiter.   This
  trajectory  passes  within  80 +/-3  kilometers of the surface of
  Mars.   Nobody is going to trust a  PASCAL  program  (or a PASCAL
  programmer) for navigation to these tolerances.
 
     As you can tell, many of the world's Real Programmers work for
  the U.S. Government -- mainly the Defense Department.  This is as
  it should be. Recently, however,  a black cloud has formed on the
  Real Programmer horizon.  It seems that some highly placed Quiche
  Eaters  at  the  Defense  Department  decided  that  all  Defense
  programs should be written in some grand unified language  called
 
  "ADA" ((C), DoD).  For a while,   it seemed that ADA was destined
  to become a language that  went against all  the precepts of Real
  Programming -- a language with structure,    a language with data
  types,  strong typing,   and semicolons.   In short,   a language
  designed to cripple the creativity of the typical Real Programmer.
  Fortunately, the language adopted by DoD  has  enough interesting
  features to make it approachable -- it's incredibly complex,  and
  includes methods  for  messing  with  the  operating  system  and
  rearranging memory, and Edsgar Dijkstra doesn't like it. Dijkstra,
  as I'm sure you know, was the author of "GoTos Considered Harmful"
  -- a landmark work in programming methodology, applauded by PASCAL
  programmers and Quiche Eaters alike.
 
     The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work on
  something slightly more trivial than the destruction of life as we
  know it, providing there's enough money in it.   There are several
  Real Programmers building video games at Atari, for example.  (But
  not  playing  them -- a  Real Programmer  knows  how  to  beat the
  machine every time:  no challenge in that.)    Everyone working at
  LucasFilm is a Real Programmer.  (It  would be  crazy to turn down
  the money of fifty million Star Trek fans.) The proportion of Real
  Programmers in  Computer Graphics is somewhat lower than the norm,
  mostly because nobody  has found  a use for computer graphics yet.
  On the other hand,  all computer graphics is  done in FORTRAN,  so
  there are a fair number of people doing graphics in order to avoid
  having to write COBOL programs.
 
 
                     THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT PLAY
                     ---------------------------
 
     Generally,   the Real Programmer plays the same way he works --
  with computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually
  pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway  (although he
  is careful not to  express this  opinion out loud).  Occasionally,
  the Real Programmer  does step out  of the office  for a breath of
  fresh  air  and  a  beer  or two.  Some  tips on  recognizing Real
  Programmers away from the computer room:
 
     *  At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner
        talking  about operating  system  security  and  how to get
        around it.
 
     *  At a football game,  the Real Programmer is the one
        comparing the plays against his simulations printed
        on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
 
     *  At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing
        flowcharts in the sand.
 
     *  At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor
        George. And he almost had the sort routine working before
        the coronary."
 
     *  In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who
        insists  on running  the cans past  the laser checkout
        scanner himself, because he never could trust keypunch
        operators to get it right the first time.
 
 
                THE REAL PROGRAMMER'S NATURAL HABITAT
                -------------------------------------
 
     What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function best
  in?   This is an  important  question  for  the managers  of  Real
  Programmers. Considering the amount of money it  costs to keep one
  on the staff,  it's best to  put him  (or her)  in an  environment
  where he can get his work done.
 
     The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer  term-
  inal. Surrounding this terminal are:
 
     *  Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked
        on,   piled  in roughly  chronological  order on every  flat
        surface in the office.
 
     *  Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.
        Occasionally,  there will be cigarette butts floating in
        the coffee. In some cases,  the cups will contain Orange
        Crush.
 
     *  Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OS JCL
        manual  and  the  Principles  of  Operation  open to  some
        particularly interesting pages.
 
     *  Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the
        year 1969.
 
     *  Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter
        filled cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the
        bakery  so they  can't get  any worse  while  waiting  in the
        vending machine.
 
     *  Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of
        double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.
 
     *  Underneath the Oreos is a flowcharting template, left there
        by the previous occupant of the office.   (Real Programmers
        write  programs,   not - documentation.   Leave that to the
        maintenance people.)
 
 
     The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours
  at a stretch, under intense pressure.  In fact, he prefers it that
  way.  Bad response time  doesn't bother  the Real Programmer -- it
  gives him a chance to  catch a little sleep  between compiles.  If
  there is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer,   he
  tends to make things more challenging by working on some small but
  interesting part of the problem for the first nine weeks, and then
  finishing  the rest  in the  last  week,    two  or  three 50-hour
  marathons.   This not only  impresses the hell out of his manager,
  who was despairing of ever getting the project done on time,   but
  creates a convenient  excuse for not  doing the documentation.  In
  general:
 
     *  No Real Programmer works 9 to 5 (unless it's the ones at
        night).
 
     *  Real Programmers don't wear neckties.
 
     *  Real Programmers don't wear high-heeled shoes.
 
     *  Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch.
 
     *  A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name.
        He does, however, know the entire ASCII  (or EBCDIC)  code
        table.
 
     *  Real Programmers don't know how to cook.  Grocery stores
        aren't  open at three  in the morning.  Real Programmers
        survive on Twinkies and coffee.
 
 
                           THE FUTURE
                           ----------
 
     What of  the future?  It is a  matter of  some concern  to Real
  Programmers that the latest generation of computer programmers are
  not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders.
  Many of them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly
  anyone  graduating  from school  these days  can do hex arithmetic
  without a  calculator.  College graduates  these days  are soft --
  protected  from  the  realities  of  programming  by  source level
  debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and "user friendly"
  operating systems. Worst of all,  some of these alleged  "computer
  scientists"  manage to get  degrees without ever learning FORTRAN!
  Are we destined to become an industry of  Unix hackers  and PASCAL
  programmers?
 
     From my experience, I can only report that the future is bright
  for Real Programmers everywhere.   Neither OS\370 nor FORTRAN show
  any signs of dying out, despite all the efforts of PASCAL program-
  mers the world over.  Even more subtle tricks,  like adding struc-
  tured coding constructs to  FORTRAN  have failed.   Oh sure,  some
  computer  vendors have  come out with  FORTRAN 77  compilers,  but
  every  one  of them  has a way  of  converting  itself back into a
  FORTRAN 66 compiler at the drop of an option card -- to compile DO
  loops like God meant them to be.
 
     Even Unix might not be  as bad on  Real Programmers  as it once
  was.  The latest release of Unix has the potential of an operating
  system worthy of any  Real Programmer -- two  different and subtly
  incompatible  user interfaces, an  arcane and complicated teletype
  driver,   virtual memory.   If  you  ignore  the  fact  that  it's
  "structured",  even 'C' programming can be appreciated by the Real
  Programmer:  after all,  there's no type checking,  variable names
  are seven  (ten? eight?)  characters long,  and the added bonus of
  the Pointer data type  is thrown in -- like  having the best parts
  of  FORTRAN  and assembly language  in one place.  (Not to mention
  some of the more creative uses for #define.)
 
     No, the future isn't all that bad.   Why, in the past few years
  the popular  press has  even commented  on the bright  new crop of
  computer nerds and hackers leaving places like Stanford and M.I.T.
  for  the  Real World.   From  all evidence,   the  spirit of  Real
  Programming  lives on  in these  young men  and women.  As long as
 
  there  are  ill-defined  goals,   bizarre bugs,   and  unrealistic
  schedules,   there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and
  and Solve The Problem, saving the documentation for later.    Long
  live FORTRAN!
 
 
                           ACKNOWLEGEMENT
                           --------------
 
     I would like to thank Jan E.,  Dave S.,  Rich G.,  Rich E., for
  their help in characterizing the Real Programmer,  Heather B.  for
  the illustration, Kathy E. for putting up with it,  and atd!avsdS:
  mark for the initial inspiration.
 
 
                             REFERENCES
                             ----------
 
           Feirstein, B., "Real Men  don't  Eat  Quiche",  New
           York, Pocket Books, 1982.
 
           Wirth,  N.,  "Algorithms  +   Data   Structures   =
           Programs", Prentice Hall, 1976.
 
           Ilson, R., "Recent Research  in  Text  Processing",
           IEEE  Trans.   Prof.  Commun., Vol.  PC-23, No.  4,
           Dec.  4, 1980.
 
           Finseth, C., "Theory and Practice of  Text  Editors
           -- or -- a Cookbook for  an  EMACS",  B.S.  Thesis,
           MIT/LCS/TM-165,    Massachusetts    Institute    of
           Technology, May 1980.
 
           Weinberg,   G.,   "The   Psychology   of   Computer
           Programming",  New  York,  Van  Nostrand  Reinhold,
           1971, p.  110.
 
           Dijkstra, E., "On the GREEN language  submitted  to
           the  DoD",  Sigplan  notices,  Vol. 3  No.  10, Oct
           1978.
 
           Rose, Frank, "Joy of Hacking", Science 82, Vol.   3
           No.  9, Nov 82, pp.  58-66.
 
           "The Hacker Papers", Psychology Today, August 1980.
 
           sdcarl!lin, "Real Programmers", UUCP-net,  Thu  Oct
           21 16:55:16 1982
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
              A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)
              a great Adventure (game?) took place...
 
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        XXXXX   XXXXXX   XXXX        X    X  X    X  X    X   XXXX    X
 
            It is a period of system war.  User programs striking from
         a hidden directory,  have won their first victory against the
         evil Administrative Empire.  During  the battle,   User spies
         managed to steal secret source code to the Empire's  ultimate
         program:  The  Are-Em Star,  a privileged root  program  with
         enough power to  destroy  an entire file  structure.  Pursued
         by the Empire's sinister audit trail,   Princess Linker races
         aboard her  shell script,  custodian  of the  stolen listings
         that could save her people,  and restore freedom and games to
         the network...
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
            THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKER
 
 
            When we had last left Luke,  the Milliamp Falcon was being
         pulled down to the open  collector of the  Imperial Arem Star
         Workstation.    Dec  Vadic  surveys  the  relic  as  Imperial
         Flunkies search for passengers...
 
            "LS scan shows no one aboard, sir," was the report.  Vadic
         was  unconvinced.  "Send a  fully  equipped  Ncheck squad  on
         board," he said. "I want every inode checked out."  He turned
         around  (secondary channel)  and  stalked  off.  On board the
         Milliamp Falcon,  .Luke  was puzzled.  "They  just walked in,
         looked around and walked off," he said.  "Why didn't they see
         us?" .Con smiled. "An old munchkin trick," he explained. "See
         that period in front of your name?"  .Luke spun around,  just
         in time to see the decimal point.   "Where'd that come from?"
         he asked.  "Spare decimal  points  lying around from the last
         time I fixed the  floating  point  accelerator,"  said  .Con.
         "Handy for smuggling  blocks  accross file system boundaries,
         but I never thought I'd have to use them on myself.  They are
         not going to be fooled for long, though.   We'd better figure
         a way outa here."
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
            <<  At this point (.) the dialogue tends to wedge.   Being
         the editor and in total control of the situation,  I think it
         would be best if we sort of  "gronk" the next few paragraphs.
         For those who care,  our heroes find themselves in a terminal
         room of the Workstation,  having thrashed several Flunkies to
         get there.  For the rest of you, just keep banging the  rocks
         together, guys. --Ed.  >>
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
            "Hold on," said Con. "It says we have `new mail.'  Is that
         an error?"  "%SYS-W-NORMAL,  Normal,  successful completion,"
         said PDP-1.  "Doesn't look like it.  I've found the inode for
         the Milliamp Falcon.  It's locked in kernel data space.  I'll
         have to slip  in and patch the  reference count,  alone."  He
         disappeared through a nearby entry point.
 
            Meanwhile,  RS232  found a serial port and logged in.  His
         bell  started  ringing  loudly. "He keeps saying,   'She's on
         line, she's on line',"  said  3CPU.  "I believe that he means
         Princess LPA0:.   She is being  held on one of the privileged
         levels."
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
            << Once again, things get sticky, and the dialogue suffers
         the most damage.   After much handwaving and general flaming,
         they  agreed to  rescue her.   They headed for  the detention
         level,  posing as Flunkies   (which is hard for most hackers)
         claiming that they had finally trapped the  Bookie  executing
         an illegal racket.  They reached the block where the Princess
         was locked up and found only two guards in the header. -Ed.>>
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
            "Good day, eh?"   said the first guard.  "How is it goin',
         eh?"  said the other.  "Like,   what's that,   eh?"  "Process
         transfer from block 1138, dev 10/9,"  said Con. "Take off, it
         is not," said the first guard.  "Nobody told US about it, and
         we're not morons, eh?"
 
            At this point (.),  the Bookie started raving wildly,  Con
         shouted "Look out, he's loose!" and they all started blasting
         ROMs left and right.  The guards started to catch on and were
         about to  issue a general  wakeup  when the ROM blasters were
         turned on them. "Quickly, now," said Con. "What buffer is she
         in?  It's not going to take long for these..."
 
            The intercom receiver interrupted him,  so he took out its
         firmware with a short blast. "guys to figure out something is
         goin' on," he continued.
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
          Will they or won't they end up in the galactic bit-bucket?
          Catch the next issue of Nutworks and find out. --Ed
 
         -------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                      OP CODES PART III (R - Z)
                      =========================
                (Contributed By Knappy 8350428 @ UWAVM)
 
    mnemonic      meaning
    --------      -------
    RA            Randomize Answer
    RAM           Reorganize and Abort Monitor
    RASC          Read And Shred Card
    RAST          Rewind And Stretch Tape
    RAU           Ridicule All Users
    RBAO          Ring Bell and Annoy Operator
    RBG           Random Bug Generate
    RBLY          Restore Backup from Last Year
    RBT           Read & Break Tape
    RCAJ          Read Card And Jam
    RCB           Read Commands Backwards
    RCB           Run Clock Backwards
    RCC           Read Card and Chew
    RCCP          Randomly Corrupt Current Process
    RCF           Rewind Cabinet Fans
    RCKG          Read Count Key and Garbage
    RCR           Rewind Card Reader
    RCRV          Randomly Convert to Reverse Video
    RCSD          Read Card & Scramble Data
    RD            Rewind Disk
    RDA           Refuse to Disclose Answer
    RDD           Reverse Disk Drive
    RDF           Randomize Directory Filenames
    RDI           Reverse Drum Immediate
    RENVR         Rename Variables Randomly
    RET           Read and Erase Tape
    RIC           Rotate Illogical thru Carry
    RID           Read Invalid Data
    RIR           Read Invalid Record
    RIRG          Read Inter-Record Gap
    RIRG          Rewrite Inter-Record Gap [random replacement of simil-
                   ar mnemonic"
    RLC           Re-read last card
    RLC           Relocate and Lose Core
    RLI           Rotate Left Indefinitely
    RLP           Refill Light Pen
    RLP           Rewind Line Printer
    RM            Re-initialize Meter
    RM            Ruin My files [UNIX]
    RMI           Randomize Memory Immediate
    RMV           Remove Memory Virtues
    RN            Read Noise
    RNBS          Reflect Next Bus Signal
    RNR           Read Noise Record
    ROD           ROtate Diagonally
    ROM           Read Operator's Mind
    ROOP          Run Out Of Paper
    ROPF          Read Other People's Files
    ROS           Reject Op System
    ROT           Rotate Disk [fixes broken drives]
    RP            Read Printer
    RPAB          Read Print And Blush
    RPB           Raise Parity Bits
    RPB           Reverse Parity & Branch
    RPD           Return Postage Due
    RPM           Read Programmer's Mind
    RPU           Read character and Print Upside down
    RRB           Read Record and Blush
    RRC           Rotate Random thru Carry
    RRRA          Read Record & Run Away
    RRRL          Random Rotate Register Left
    RRSG          Round and Round She Goes...
    RS            Random Slew
    RSD           Read and Scramble Data
    RST           Rewind and Stretch Tape
    RST           Rust
    RT            Reduce Throughput
    RT            Reverse Throughput
    RTR           Return To Register
    RTS           Return To Sender
    RWRT          Read While Writing While Ripping Tape
    SAC           stop air conditioner
    SAD           Seek And Destroy
    SAF           Sit And Flicker
    SAI           Skip All Instructions
    SAS           Sit And Spin
    SC            Scramble Channels
    SC            Shred Cards
    SCB           Spindle Card and Belch
    SCCA          Short Circuit on Correct Answer
    SCH           Slit Cards Horizontal
    SCI           Shred Cards Immediate
    SCOM          Set Cobol-Only Mode
    SCRRC         SCRamble Register Contents
    SCST          Switch Channel to Star Trek
    SCTR          Stick Card To Reader
    SD            Scramble Directory
    SD            Slip Disk
    SDC           Spool Disk to Console
    SDDB          Snap Disk Drive Belt
    SDE           Solve Differential Equations
    SDI           Self Destruct Immediately
    SEB           Stop Eating and Burp
    SEX           Set EXecution register [a real instruction for the RCA
                   1802"
    SEX           Sign EXtend
    SFH           Set Flags to Half mast
    SFT           Stall For Time
    SFTT          Strip Form Tractor Teeth
    SHB           Stop and Hang Bus
    SHCD          SHuffle Card Deck
    SHIT          Stop Here If Thursday
    SHON          Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent NO-OP]
    SHRC          SHRed Card
    SHRT          SHRed Tape
    SID           Switch to Infinite Density
    SIP           Store indefinite precision
    SKIP          don't SKIP
    SLD           Slip Disk
    SLP           Sharpen Light Pen
    SLP           Sharpen Light Pencil
    SMC           Scramble memory contents
    SMD           Spontaneous Memory Dump(Use only with classified data)
    SMS           Shred Mylar Surface
    SMT           Stretch MagTape
    SNM           Show No Mercy
    SOAWP         SOlve All the World's Problems
    SOB           [a real PDP-11 instruction]
    SOD           Surrender Or Die!
    SOP           Stop and Order Pizza
    SOS           Sign Off, Stupid
    SP            Scatter Print
    SPA           Sliding Point Arithmetic
    SPD           Spin dry disc
    SPS           Smoke Power Supply
    SPSW          Scramble Processor Status Word
    SRBO          Set Random Bits to Ones
    SRBZ          Set Random Bits to Zeroes
    SRC           Skip to Random Channel
    SRCC          Select Reader & Chew Cards
    SRD           Switch to Random Density
    SRDR          Shift Right, Double Ridiculous
    SRO           Sort with Random Ordering
    SRR           Set Registers to Random values [ usually used prior to
                   a RET or RTS"
    SRR           Shift Registers Random
    SRSD          Seek Record & Scar Disk
    SRU           Signoff Random User
    SRZ           Subtract & Reset to Zero
    SSB           Scramble Status Byte
    SSD           Stacker Select Disk
    SSJ           Stacker Select & Jam
    SSJP          Select Stacker and Jump
    SSM           Solve by Supernatural Means
    SSP           Smoke and SPark
    SST           Stop and Stretch Tape
    ST            Set and Test
    STD           Stop, Take Drugs
    STN           Search Tree for Nut
    STPR          SToP Rain
    STTHB         Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud
    SU            Stacker Upset
    SUI           Subtract User's IQ
    SUME          SUrprise ME
    SUP           Solve Unsolvable Problem
    SUR           Screw Up Royally
    SUS           Stop Until Spring
    SUS           Subract Until Senseless
    SWAT          SWAp Terminals
    SWN           SWap Nibbles
    SWOS          SWap out Operating System
    SWS           Sort to Wrong Slots
    SZD           Switch to Zero Density
    TARC          Take Arithmetic Review Course
    TBFTG         Two Burgers and Fries To Go
    TDB           Transfer & Drop Bits
    TDB           Transfer and Drop Bits
    TDS           Trash Data Segment
    TEP           Terminate with Extreme Prejudice
    TLNF          Teach me a Lesson I'll Never Forget
    TLO           Turn indicator Lights Off
    TLR           Transfer & Loose Return
    TLW           Transfer and Lose Way
    TN            Take a Nap
    TOG           Time Out, Graduate
    TOH           Take Operator Hostage
    TOOO          Turn On/Off Operator
    TOS           Trash Operating System
    TPD           Triple Pack Decimal
    TPE           Translate Programmer to EBCDIC
    TPDH          Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Herself
    TPO           Toggle Power On
    TPR           Tear PapeR
    TR            Turn into Rubbish [UNIX]
    TRA           Te Rdls Arvs [Type Ridiculous Abbreviations]
    TSH           Trap Secretary and Halt
    TSM           Trap Secretary and Mount
    TST           Trash System Tracks
    TT%CNK        TeleType - Clunk Noise
    TT%EKB        TeleType - Electrify KeyBoard
    TTA           Try, Try Again
    TTITT         Turn 2400 foot tape  Into  Two 1200 foot  tapes " Only
                   privileged users will get hubs on both tapes"
    TTL           Time To Log off
    UAI           Use Alternate Instruction set
    UCB           Uncouple CPU and Branch
    UCK           Unlock Console Keyswitch
    UCPUB         Uncouple CPU & Branch
    UER           Update & Erase Record
    UMR           Unlock Machine Room
    UNPD          Unplug and dump
    UOP           Useless Operation
    UP            Understand Program(mer)
    UT            Update Transaction
    UTF           Unwind Tape onto Floor
    UUBR          Use Undefined Base Register
    VAX           Violate All executions
    VNO           Violate Noise Ordinance
    VPA           Vanishing Point Arithmetic
    VVM           Vaporise Virtual Memory
    WAD           Walk Away in Disgust
    WC            Waste Core [UNIX]
    WCR           Write to Card Reader
    WGPB          Write Garbage in Process-control Block
    WHP           Wave Hands over Problem
    WI            Why Immediate
    WID           Write Invalid Data
    WLBB          Write-Lock Bit Bucket
    WNHR          Write New Hit Record
    WNR           Write Noise Record
    WPET          Write Past End of Tape
    WSE           Write Stack Everywhere
    WSWW          Work in Strange and Wondrous Ways
    WUPO          Wad Up Printer Output
    WWLR          Write Wrong Length Record
    XIO           eXecute Invalid Op code
    XKF           eXecute Kermit the Frog
    XMB           eXclusive MayBe
    XOH           eXecute no-Op and Hang
    XOR           eXecute OperatoR
    XOS           eXchange Operator's Sex
    XPR           eXecute Programmer
    XPSW          eXecute Program Status Word
    XVF           eXchange Virtue for Fun
    ZAP           Zero and Add Packed
    ZD            Zap Directory
    ZNL           Zero Next Location (opcode #0)
    ZPI           ZaP Immediate
    ZPT           Zero Page Tables
    ZZF           Zero Zero Flag
    ZZZ           hibernate indefinite
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                           NutWorks Staff
                           ==============
 
 Editor in Chief           Lenny aka Spock        CALBC821 @ CUNYVM
 Associate Editor          Scott aka Orion        CSCSRH   @ CCNYVME
 Distribution Manager      Alan  aka Alan         Alan     @ NCSUVM
 Distribution FORUM        Steve aka Segger       STEVE    @ BITNIC
 
 
