                ,...
                $$$$
                $$$$T""P$$$ba,  ,gd&P""T&bg.   ,gd&P""T&bg.              
 ggggggggggg    $$$$    $$$$$b d$$$$    $$$$b d$$$$   $$$$$b   ggggggggggg
 """""""""""    $$$$    $$$$$$ $$$$$    $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P   """""""""""
                $$$$    $$$$$$ T$$$$    $$$$P T$$$$                      
 $$$"""""" "    """"    $$$$$$  "T&$bxxd$&P"   "T&$bxx$$$$$'   " """"""$$$
 """                    """"""                                         """
 ggg        "New Jersey Is Out Of Control And Must Be Destroyed"       ggg
 $$$                             by -> Mogel                           $$$
 $$$                                                                   $$$
 $$$        [ HOE E-Zine #955 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$$
 `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

	Could someone people turn off the New Jersey experiment?  It's
 really starting to smell pretty bad here in Philadelphia from it.  And I
 keep looking over the Delaware river, at Camden, and I keep seeing people
 getting shot one after another.  It really grates in the psyche at some
 point.
	My professor in school told me that the primitive people in New
 Jersey were actually a scientific, sociological experiment that begun
 over one-hundred years ago to see if a perfectly crafted dystopia
 society could exist--but it has gone horribly, horribly wrong (right?).
        I can see why he says that.  Sometimes I turn on the news and I
 see another story about toxic waste and I'm not really sure why an actual
 government would have a lot of toxic waste in the place that they live.
 They do know that they're alive and that toxic waste is actually a
 hurtful thing, right?
	I think whoever first thought up the idea was a mad genius.  It's
 the only possible reason I could come up with for why people live there.
 	THERE IS NOTHING TO DO THERE.  Oh, sure, on the surface this seems
 like no big deal, right?  There's thousands upon thousands of towns in
 America with nothing to do...
	But there has never been a place in the history of the world so
 carefully crafted or so intentionally constructed to create such a
 sha-bang of pain-encrusted irony.  But not just that--it suggests that
 whoever designed this society... this New Jersey... did it with the goal
 that these people would be tortured forever--much like an outer sphere of
 Hell.  Why do we keep this thing around?
	Part of the under-handed, death-trap nature of the state is that
 there's no immediate, logical reason why it should be SO utterly boring.
 On the surface, New Jersey has a slew of nice beaches and nice state
 parks.  It also has the densest population per square mile of any state
 in the U.S.  It also happens to have a lot of upper middle class or rich
 folks there.  With so many people, and a lot of money, you'd think that
 for sure there'd be something there.  But there's not.  Why?
        I can only assume this has to do with the original function of
 Jersey.  That is, a place between two cities.  This puppy lies between
 Philadelphia and New York.  There's a significant number of its residents
 who work in one of the two cities and live in New Jersey.  Yes, you've
 guessed it -- it's an entire state that functions like a suburb.  Like
 most suburbs, there is this "The city is bad! We must hide in peaceful,
 quiet, safe [BORING] places!" philosophy.  New Jersey holds true to this.
	But if this were the only reason, I wouldn't be so frightened.
 The greatest evidence for the true demented design of this state is
 simply the physical arrangement.  The roads in New Jersey seem to take up
 far more importance than the actual people, and function like main
 arteries with all of the pizza shops and stupid shit and jug-handles, and
 then off to the side are blocked portions of houses.  And that's the
 entire state -- big main roads surrounded by residential areas and woods.
        And, like most suburbs, there is a huge emphasis made on being able
 to drive.  Without a car, you almost don't exist.  And, strangely
 enough... you'd *think* that a state entirely dependent on cars might
 encourage far more diversity in the sorts of stores one could travel
 to, but it doesn't.  Driving through almost any part of New Jersey is
 like driving through almost any other part.  It really is that bad.
 Imagine Hell as a place where the stores you could go to were pizza
 shops, Chinese food, Bennigans, and alcohol distributors.
	"Hey, that's great!  No matter where you go, you can trust that
 you'll always be able to find a diner, a 7-11, or a bar!  Life sure is
 simple!"
        Oh, lord is there alcohol.  And what do you imagine happens when
 there's this whole population of suburban-like kids growing up with nothing
 to do?  Here's some thoughtful parents.  Well, you don't have to be a
 genius to do the math here:

                    BOREDOM leads to SEX and DRUGS.

        Obviously there's exceptions, but New Jersey truly is a breeding
 ground for massive amounts of sexual activity and drugs.  I'm certainly
 not condemning such behavior -- I'm pointing out how disturbingly
 prevalent it really is.  Virtually every kid is into drugs and lacks any
 sense of style about it.  Kids drink in the woods instead of in their
 perfectly not-dirty homes.  This behavior creates terms like "bustass"
 and "hootchie mama".
        And "boot".  Boot is a word that has like 50 different meanings.
 Here's some very common uses:
        "Let's boot the shore!" = "Let's go to the shore!"
        "Let's go boot!" = "Let's go smoke pot!"
        "I booted her!" = "I had sex with her!"
        And of course there's "bennys".  Bennys are what the people who live
 at the shore call the tourists who come to the shore during the summer.
 That's New Jersey pride.
        And it's also the funniest part about the entire state.  Everything
 I said above is blatantly obvious -- state is the biggest shithole in the
 country, yet there is no state that has residents that are so proud of it
 like Jersey residents are.  If you go to Jersey and insult it and you'll
 get lynched.  It's really quite interesting to see many of the people
 who live in New Jersey defend it as being "such a beautiful state, and it's
 so up scale."  It must be some kind of conditioning combination of the toxic
 chemicals and the "up with NJ" brainwashing.  It's the only possible
 explanation why anyone would support a place that's so absolutely
 horrible.  I see New Jersey symbolized as a slightly retarded child with
 a giant "KICK ME" sign on its back, with fresh footprint stains on it,
 smiling dumbly, like he just ate some candy.
        This "we're up scale" argument is also really amusing because the
 most urban-like areas of New Jersey are also some of the most decrepid
 and awful places I've ever seen, like Camden, Asbury Park, and the king
 of them all, Newark.
	I really think it's about time someone did something about New
 Jersey.  Whatever scientific data needed to be collected has most
 certainly been extrapolated.  Sometimes you just have to put the patient
 out of its misery.  Please... do it soon.

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!              HOE #955, BY MOGEL - 12/14/99 ]
