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    |  |          ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present...            |  |
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    |  |                      Cockroach Assault                       |  |
    |  |                    (a.k.a.  Deep Purple)                     |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
    |  |                                            By: Alex Siegel   |  |
    |  |                                                              |  |
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   The demonic cry of the giant cockroaches rattled the morning air,
shattering utterly the morning stillness of Humbal Village.

   Moments later, Dul leapt from his stone hut, ready to battle the chitinous
devils and send their greasy souls back to the blasted hell from which they
issued. He reached towards the sky to stretch his massive frame. His joints
creaked and popped, still stiff from deep sleep. The muscles moved under his
skin like a family of enraged pythons. The early morning sun gleamed off of
his bronze skin. He drew his sword, Black Abyss, and watched the intricate
play of sunlight across the engraved, polished surface. Many an evil beast
had met a sticky end under its honed edge. He spun the blade in the air,
testing his awesome strength against the colossal mass of steel.

   Few could even lift such a ponderous weapon, but in the callused hands of
Dul, it moved with the lightness of a tiny sewing needle.

   Insipia of the Blue Banshee Clan ran out of the hut that Dul had come from
only moments before. A hasty morning toilet had left her short tunic askew.
She leaned up against Dul's body, wrapping her legs and arms around him while
tears gushed from her eyes. He stood as if rooted to the ground.

   "Oh please don't go," Insipia wailed. She beat her fists against his
chest. "If you die, my life will be an empty shell. No other man can satisfy
me, can fill me, as you do."

   His eyes remained locked in the direction of the roaches' cry. Insipia's
lithe body, which could liquify the heart of any other man, would not
distract Dul from the brutal chore ahead.

   "I must fight. Without me, those six legged terrors would thrust across
the land and gorge themselves on the bones of our people. Think not of
yourself, but of the uncounted others whose lives I will save today."

   "I can think only of you, my darling! The uncounted others count not for
me."

   She slid down his leg and collapsed in a sobbing heap on the ground. Her
golden hair flew in all directions as her chest heaved with sodden anguish.
The only, brief break came when she wiped the mucus from her upper lip.

   "I must go now," Dul said. "Already my blood froths for the coming battle.
Pray for me, if you must, but fear not. For should I fall today, my soul will
surely find greater glory still among the gods."

   She collapsed forward onto her face, her grief sapping the last ounce of
strength from her arms. He caressed her snarled hair one last time, and then
he ran off.

   His great, thick legs worked like steel pistons as he dashed towards the
enemy. Already, his sword wove a deadly, whistling pattern of death. He felt
his heart pound in his chest, while his liver processed glycogen at a
ferocious rate.

   That eagerness was almost his undoing, as he found himself deep in the
thick mass of cockroaches before he could stop. They towered over him, his
head only coming up to the bottom of their abdomens.

   Their heavy, black scales rubbed together and made a ear-splitting clamor.

   Without hesitation, Dul lashed out. Black Abyss moved like a steel wand of
death, destroying all that it touched. The roaches were unprepared for the
inhuman cruelty of Dul's attack. They screeched in fear and drew back from
the whirlwind of doom in their midst. The high-pitched keening hurt Dul's
sensitive ears, but he ignored the pain. Within moments, white, smelly
innards had covered a great patch of land.

   Dul slashed and hacked through a score of beasts, but another hundred
waited. Standing on his tippy toes, he looked out across the valley and saw
an endless, shifting sea of hard, black bodies.

   For the first time in his life, the mere possibility of failure snatched
at his soul. It wasn't fear, for he would never suffer that childish emotion,
but rather a shadow of doubt. He shook off the troubling feeling and
redoubled his efforts to slay the chitinous horde.

   There was a rhythm to the slaughter. In and out. Up and down. As the
pattern settled into his muscles, he redoubled the pace again. In and out. Up
and down.

   He felt a warm, dampness running down his thigh. Without slowing the
terrifying speed of his sword, he twisted to look. Insipia has wrapped
herself around his buttocks.

   "I couldn't stand to be apart from you!" she cried. "If you die, than I
will die with you! Our souls will cleave together for all eternity, so that
even the gods won't be able to pry them apart!"

   "Have no fear. Our Love could walk through the fires of hell and sneer at
the foul demons who live there."

   Seizing on the distraction, the deadly roaches pressed forward.

   With strength born of desperation, Dul redoubled his efforts.

   "You must leave now," he said to Insipia. "For I can ill afford your
hypnotic beauty at this time."

   Her thin body shaking with fear and grief, she stood up and walked towards
the hut. She moved slowly, as if heading towards the gallows rather than her
warm, safe home.

   Eager now to see the end of this titanic struggle, Dul redoubled his
attack against the ocean of hard-shelled doom. The massive bodies fell like
wheat before the magical threshing machine that was Black Abyss.

   With his free hand, he wiped the white slime from eyes, hands, chest, and
groin. This was hard, thirsty work indeed.

   Suddenly, Dul heard a crashing noise. An enormous roach, fully twenty
times more massive than any of the others, came over a hill. It's gleaming
pincers sliced through everything before it, including the scrambling bodies
of its fellows. The tiny eyes atop its head glared directly at Dul, the
pupils glowing with red anger. He had never seen a creature so huge yet so
full of low cunning. On second thought, the bog dragons of the great southern
swamp were pretty bad too.

   He squared his hips and steadied himself. When the beast arrived, he and
Black Abyss would receive it in fine style. The other roaches flowed back so
that nothing stood between their king and Dul.

   A great hush fell across the land, silencing even the minuscule insects
that fed on the succulent, green grass of the valley. 

   Without warning, Dul felt the warm, moist form of Insipia as she threw
herself against his back. She wrapped her arms his chest and pushed her
fingers into the wiry hair between his rock hard pectorals.

   "No!" she breathed. "You'll be smashed like a snail beneath of a frying
pan!"

   "I can not run. I stand at ground zero of the greatest battle of my life!"

   He inhaled deeply, swelling his huge breast. Her arms popped off like
overstretched rubber bands. He grimaced in pain, for her fingers had taken a
not inconsiderable amount of hair with them.

   "My sweet petunia," he said. "Take heart, for your love will carry me
through this trial. Should I fall, I need merely think of your sweet face and
I shall rise again. Or perhaps I will think of your feet, for they are
shapely too. And we dare not forget your breasts. Or your thighs. I'm
particularly fond of..."

   The cockroach king, roaring to the sky, charged forward. The ground heaved
and bucked with each gigantic footfall. Dul spun his sword, forming a
translucent, black zone of death.

   The king's pincers slashed at Dul, but they merely butchered empty air,
for Dul had vaulted out of the way. He brought Black Abyss down towards the
center of the demon's hideous skull. A terrible clang rang out as fire
hardened steel met hell hardened chitin. To the amazement of even the gods
themselves, the sword failed to pierce the black armor. Instead, it bounced
off in a cascade of multi-colored sparks. Dul fell back to the ground,
senseless with disbelief.

   Insipia screeched in anguish, and the shrill note shook him from his
reverie. He charged forward, dodging between the tree-like legs of the
monster. The gleaming point of Black Abyss thrust upward, powered by the
immeasurable strength of Dul's muscles. He was rewarded with a waterfall of
white, cockroach bowels.

   The torrent continued, gaining strength with each passing second. Overcome
by raw force of the spew, Dul fell backwards onto the muddy ground. He
splashed around in the white froth and struggled to regain his footing.

   "Come to me, my lovey-dovey!" Insipia yelled.

   He tried to answer, but his mouth filled with bitter slop instead. Panic
gripped him by the throat and shook him as a terrier shakes a rat. It was
fine to die in glorious battle, but it was another thing to drown in
cockroach crud. People would snicker whenever they spoke his name. He
redoubled his efforts to escape.

   The king collapsed onto Dul, shaking the trees from the impact of beast
against dirt. A long moment passed in awful silence. Fearing the worst,
Insipia screamed towards heaven while a veritable cascade of tears washed
down her cheeks.

   "Take him not, fickle gods! He is yet too young and too virile to pass
from this plane. And if he does go, then I'm coming after him!"

   Black Abyss poked out. A geyser of white liquid followed, shooting
straight into the air from a narrow slit in the round back of the cockroach
king. The terrible sword slashed and slashed again, redoubling in strength
with each stroke. Then Dul himself crawled out. His chest heaved as he sucked
in huge gulps of sweet, life-giving air. He thanked the gods for the
breath-holding exercises that he practiced every night.

   Drooling with joy, Insipia ran across the back of the great roach. Their
bodies slammed together, spraying white mush in all directions. Carried
beyond words by a rip tide of passion, the two lovers locked lips until their
lungs worked as one.

   The other roaches, grief stricken by the loss of their king, turned away
from the village. With heavy antenna, they went back to their dark, damp
crevices. But their twisted minds held only one thought: revenge.

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 Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and Alex Siegel.           #75 --> 5/1/95
 All rights Reserved.  Contact Alex at scimitar@netcom.com.
