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                                   presents
 
                   The Philosophy of the Community Cricket
 
                            Written by Fetal Juice
 
     Please, if you will, imagine that throughout the entire known,
unknown and even parallel universes, that all persons which we refer to as
being toward, on, or behind that unbelievably large group, that we have, for
the sake of conveniency, labeled, 'stupid' owe their ability to retain their
intelligence to that of a single, charitable, small, and quite plainly dumb
cricket.  It is this very single, charitable, small, and quite plainly dumb
cricket which has come to be known as 'The Community Cricket'.
 
     Yet surprisingly enough the Community Cricket (C.C.) is unaware that all
of these rather stupid persons are linked to it via three and one-quarter
unaccountable, unaccustomed, unadvised, un-American, unapt, unartistic,
unbaked, unbalanced, unblushing, unburdened, uncalled-for, unchristian,
unclad, unclean, uncomfortable, uncommunicative (ironic no?), unconcerned,
unconscious, underfeed, understressed, underworked, unfaithful, unfavorable,
unfeeling, unfit, unfortunate, unfounded, unfriendly, ungodly, ungraceful,
unhappy (no? duh!), unhealthy, unholy, unjust, unmentionable, unnecessary
(then why am I doing this??), unoccupied, unorganized, unoriginal,
unpalatable, unplesant, unpopular, unprofessional, unqualified, unreasonable,
unresponsive, unsavory, unskilled, unsociable, unsophisticated, unstable,
unsubstantial, untaught, unthinking, untidy, unvaccinated, unwitting,
unworthy, revolting, overbearing, overdeveloped, overpaid oversexed and a tad
bit revolting, Peptic Ulcers.  These Peptic Ulcers relay the various stupid
person requests such as: Should I beat my heart? breathe now? Do I need to go
the bathroom? If so then how do I use the bathroom? What is the next stupid
thing I can say? What is the next stupid thing I can gesture? What is the next
stupid thing you can think of for me to claim as my own personal and original
thought even though I am unaware of your existence and tend to ignore that
fact?  Should I eat or drink  Jello? Should I drink Coke or Pepsi? (If they
choose Pepsi give up any and all hope you have of saving them). And the list
goes on and on..  These requests are relayed directly to the 'anal' areas of
the Community Cricket by way of semaphore.  The exact reason semaphore is used
seeing that most peptic ulcers have no arms is unclear but since it is the
Community Cricket it makes perfect sense when you put it all together on a 4
by 8 inch piece of yellow posterboard with green ink and then prompty set it
ablaze with either a blow torch or a modified bic lighter on an August full
moon that specificly occurs on any Monday although a Wednesday will suffice
nicely.
 
(c) 1989  Toxic Shock
 
                            The Followers of Fetus
 
                              Bloody Afterbirth
                                 Fetal Juice
                               Gross Genitalia
                                Tasty Abortion
                              Twisted Testicles
 
 
