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                 >> "slit and slot; no, just coffee, thanks" <<

                                  by -> Styx

               * STYX IS THE NEW OFFICIAL VICE PRESIDENT OF H0E! *

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      once upon a time there was a girl named slit whose parents divorced.
 then slit got fat and started to voluntarily regurgitate her food because
 she wanted to look like drew barrymore.  when slit was finally thin enough
 to distinguish her tits from her stomach, she got herself a tattoo, various
 body piercings, and a boyfriend.  he used slit for sex and she pretended not
 to notice.  then he left slit for some other chick because he was sick and
 tired of the same pussy day in and day out.  slit got upset and tried to
 kill herself.  it didn't work, but she had another self-induced traumatic
 experience to use as an excuse for stupid shit she did.  one day, when slit
 forgot to take her pills she realized she used him for sex, too, so she
 started getting horny again.  slit also wanted to get back at him any way
 she could.  slit fucked and blew boys left and right that her ex-boyfriend
 knew.  slit's ex-boyfriend always found out who she fucked or blew, but he
 didn't care and neither did anybody else.  slit convinced herself that
 everyone cared and that she was just being a fun teenager instead of a
 hooker, and if infact she was a hooker it was only because her parents were
 divorced and she used to be fat and tried to commit suicide once.  slit
 partied on, her cunt getting looser and bigger with every fuck; her
 mandibles getting stronger and more flexible with every blow.  slit knew a
 lot of deep lyrics and big words so nobody ever had the balls to tell her
 how much she sucked.  they would just let slit fuck or blow them.

      slit's best friend's name was slot.  when slot was younger all she did
 was sit inside and masturbate so she used her dull imagination to fabricate
 wild stories to replace her deadbeat past.  nobody believed slot but she was
 so pathetic nobody had the balls to tell her how much she sucked.  slot was
 convinced that everybody thought she was hot, when in reality everybody
 would just pretend to like slot in hopes of getting fucked or blown by her
 best friend slit because slit had bigger tits.  slot never put out because
 she didn't want anyone to know she had a penis.

      slot followed slit everywhere she went.  slit and slot went to the same
 college.  slit and slot each drove the same kind of car.  slit and slot
 would hold hands and pretend to be close.  when slit and slot would hang
 around in large crowds, they would whisper inside jokes to each other and
 assume triumphant postures.  when slit and slot went to restaurants, they
 would order the same meals and smoke each other's cigarettes.  slit and slot
 would get tattoos and haircuts at the same time.  slit and slot were generic
 hip spoiled-rotten gen-x coffee-guzzling skanking synchronized halfwit
 punk-rock cum recepticle sods.

      slit and slot's favorite pasttimes were taking advantage of young naive
 boys, going to raves, getting drunk, knowing everything that happened on
 MTV, talking about who they hate, talking about why they hate who they hate,
 doing their best to appreciate art, and pretending to not realize they were
 accomplishing nothing but sucking more and more.

      the 50s had greasers, the 60s had hippies, the 70s had punk and disco,
 and the 80s had pop.  what do the 90s have?  slit and slot, parading around
 your city fucking everything up for you.  stop letting them.  batter them.
 shoot them.  bound, gag, and hang them.  put them out of their fucking
 misery.

     they _want_ you to abuse them.  it's HIP.  do it.  do it for them.

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    * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #150 -- written by Styx -- 12/12/97 *
