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        "Daddy's Cap is on Backwards" by Bill Keane
        Our Price: $3.19
        You Save: $0.80 (20%)
        Usually ships in 1-2 weeks.
        (June 1996)

        If you like this book, write an online review and share your
 thoughts with other readers!

        Avg. Customer Review: [4.5 out of 5 stars]; Number of Reviews: 12

        Customer Comments:

        A reader from Bowling Green, OH, April 10, 1999 [1 out of 5 stars]

        A waste of time for dedicated gamers I must say, I was disappointed.
 While many of the other supplements for the Family Circus Role-Playing
 System have provided hours of entertainment, this one fell far short of the
 usual high standards. The back of the module claims that this adventure is
 for 4-7 characters of levels 7-9, but my group was able to complete the
 module with mostly 6th level characters and a 4th level Dolly! The entire
 module suggested a lack of effort on the part of its designers. For
 example, consider this random encounter table for Billy's Walk Home From
 Sunday School:

        01-50 Slide.
        51-80 Fence.
        81-90 Spiked Pit.
        91-95 Ogre.
        96-00 Roll Again.

        Clearly someone just wasn't trying at all to capture the ambiance of
 Billy's long marches. This is not the stuff of a good outdoor adventure
 (and I won't even go off on the lack of hexagonal mapping grids).

        It's hard to believe that this is the same company that gave us such
 classics as Temple of Grandparental Evil and Stationwagon on the
 Borderlands. While the revised stats for Ida Know and Not Me have been much
 needed since the entire storyline was revamped and relaunched after Zero
 Hour, these items do not make the module cost effective. A good gamer could
 and should come up with his or her own stats.

 [-----]

        A reader from Dewey Beach, Delaware, April 8, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Not so much a Keane as a Koan.  What is the sound of one Cap on
 Backwards? When are we each going to realize, as Bil [sic] Keane knows,
 that we are all "Daddy"? Who's your Daddy? You are. That is just one of the
 Zen lessons taught in this tome. Also, if a Family Circus is printed in the
 woods, and there's no one there to read it; is it still funny? This is a
 good primer for anyone willing to run off and join the Circus. Welcome to
 the Family; resistence is futile, you will be asimilated.

 [-----]

        A reader from Baja, CA, April 8, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Buy the book, then see the Bruce Willis movie!  After reading this
 great masterpiece, I felt an uncontrollable, almost hypnotic urge to also
 buy books by Phillip Holmes, Vera Croghan, Kerstin Norris, Richard Auletta,
 and Ake Viberg (the latter being especially enlightening with regard to
 Swedish grammar).

        Incidentally, the problem is not actually Daddy's Cap. In fact if
 you look closely you will see that his cap is just fine. It's his doorknob
 of a head that has got turned around 180 degrees.

 [-----]

        A reader from On The Run, No Fixed Address, April 8, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        Masonic Ploy

        I owe Bil Keane my life. When I first published my review of
 "Daddy's Cap is on Backwards" on March 25th, I knew that I risked the ire
 of Freemasons worldwide, but I was unprepared for the dire consequences.
 The Masons struck back with a three pronged attack, on April 1rst. The
 assumption was that any of their actions might be concealed or
 misinterpreted under the guise of April Fools. In their first gambit, an
 article appeared on Fortune Magazine's Web site ("Amazon's Not-Just-April
 Fools") claiming that ALL the reviews of Bil Keane's brave and daring work
 were "spoof reviews," including my own.

        From Fortune's article - "Another [review] delves into the supposed
 Masonic references and suggests that the book's disappearance from print
 has to do with a conspiracy."

        "Supposed" references?!? Only to those who cannot see or, perhaps,
 inclined to see otherwise. (But I will not be Fortune's fool!) The book and
 my review were officially reinterpreted as "humorous and harmless" by
 Fortune Magazine, the traditional mouthpiece of the Illuminati, who seem to
 have temporarily ceased their century-old blood feud with Freemasonry in
 order to jointly extinguish these threatening flames of truth. With sharp
 teeth of "Daddy's Cap" now pulled, the book was cleverly reissued. It is
 once again available through Amazon.com, and most likely supplied from the
 Masons' own hoard of Keane's work. Finally, they set out to silence me. At
 noon on April 1rst, I was arrested on a charge of solicitation of
 prostitution as I conversed with Candi, my personal investment broker,
 outside of a Super 8 motel room in Midlothian, Virginia. (How that room
 came to be on my credit card remains known only to the Masons themselves.)
 While in the squad car, I noticed that the arresting officer wore a golden
 band on his left ring finger. For those who have drunk deeply of "Daddy's
 Cap," this is the identifying talisman of all Masonic assassins, as Dolly's
 comparison of her new plastic ring to Mommy's "wedding" ring clearly shows.
 Knowing I had but seconds to live, I leapt from the moving car and, leg
 bleeding, limped behind a local Arby's, where I hid myself beneath a recent
 shipment of Horsey Sauce.

        No agent of the Masons is thrown off for long and soon I saw the
 "police officer" and his cohorts closing on my position. It was then that I
 remembered the cartoon on page 43 of "Daddy's Cap." Billy, commanded to
 return from school as quickly as possible, begins a circuitous route,
 marked by a dotted line, that takes him all over the neighborhood and
 through many minor adventures. Before then, I had assumed that Keane had
 created this particular piece to expose the Masonic machinations behind the
 infamous "Jack the Ripper" murders, with Billy as Saucy Jack, eluding
 capture as he winds his way throughout the Whitechapel district thanks to
 his brother Masons in the police ranks. But crouching there, surrounded by
 the smell of horseradish, I realized that Keane was describing the route to
 a safehouse. Of course, I will not reveal where that house is located, only
 that I am close and have so far escaped detection by the Freemasons and
 their agents - the IRS, the alternative rock band Goo Goo Dolls, and Omar
 Sharif. (Although I believed myself a goner when, in Altoona, PA, I almost
 checked in to a Holiday Inn where Sharif, the cunning strategist and 14th
 degree Apron Holder, was to be speaking at a convention of bridge
 enthusiasts.) Now, like Keane, I find myself hunted. While Keane lives day
 to day with the hope that his high profile celebrity status and copious
 "dirt" on the Masons will keep the wolf at bay, I have no such aegis.

        Thus I find myself alone in this world, with only my Jansport
 backpack (rugged!) and a few meager possessions - my bootleg copy of a
 Philadelphia Boys II Men concert, 64 slices of American cheese, and the
 Mormon Bible. And of course, my now-tattered copy of "Daddy's Cap is on
 Backwards." I draw strength with every new insight it provides. I've
 disguised myself with a new haircut (good call, Mommy). But more than that,
 I've taken many of its lessons to heart. Only the Club of Rome will have
 the might to rebuff the Masonic takeover. L. Ron Hubbard is alive and well
 and fighting the good fight. And spaghetti is really funny if you pronounce
 it "spa-spetty." If you do not hear from me again, you will know I perished
 for the truth. A truth that Fortune magazine would laugh at. But if I can
 reach the safehouse, I shall let you know. Until then, I will truly be
 "Notme."

 [-----]

        Jason Moreno (joegwidget@tamu.edu) from College Station, Texas,
        April 7, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        A work rivaled by no other.

        Bil Keane is a master of the obvious, and yet he is able to take
 delicate subtleties to a new level. While opposite in definition, these two
 parts work side-by-side. Keane is able to identify the obvious traits of
 children and their plain, truthful statements; however, he also allows
 their subtle tendencies to come alive and flourish in this cascade of comic
 delight, which is not as dry as that to which many readers are accustomed,
 but which is unable to fail at bringing smiles to those who partake of this
 wondrously simple flow of life that is so truthful and straight forward
 that we cannot help but laugh as we realize our own tendencies to hide from
 the truth. Bil Keane has hit upon something that we all need yet all hide
 from at the same time: honesty. Someday, we will all be in a world without
 the classic "beating around the bush." Someday, the world will not be a
 mere representation of itself but rather itself in its purest form. Until
 then, we have two modes of truth: the Bible, and Bil Keane. The first can
 save us from ourselves; the second can save us from the deceitful world
 which we have created for ourselves. And that's all I have to say about
 that.

 [-----]

        A reader from Kalamazoo, MI, April 7, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Words cannot express the joy this book brought into my life.

        This book has shaped my thoughts, values and beliefs. Before reading
 Daddy's Cap Is On Backwards, I felt alone and adrift in this world... but
 now I have a new sense of purpose and a new view on life. Bill Keane is
 more thoughtful than Deepak Chopra... more eloquent than Tom Wolfe... and
 more inspirational than L. Ron Hubbard. Fifty years from now, former
 Scientologists will be following the words and wisdom of Bill Keane, and
 Family Circus will replace Dianetics on their bookshelves. Bless you, Bill
 Keane!

 [-----]

        A reader from toronto, April 5, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        What the heck are these people talking about ?  really... what
 the... I mean who ?... that is to say.... - ? I don't get it.

 [-----]

        A reader from deep behind enemy lines. Or Ontario. Whatever.,
        April 3, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        A greater book than this has and never will be written.

        With it's bright, Warhol-esque colored cover and it's classic line
 drawing in simple but varied geometric frames, Bil Keane's work is a work
 of art even before you get to the text. And with it's easy, single page
 layout of bite-size-for-the-common-man presentation, Daddy's Hat is On
 Backwards is at once a feel good walk down memory lane and a touching
 lesson in goodness reminiscent of A Prary Home Comanion and Everything I
 ever needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarden. What's more, this collection
 of treasured images carries an overall Zen-like message of 'hey, take it
 easy man, you're hat's on backwards' that leaves you with a feeling not
 only of being well read, but of read well being. But the most important
 element is the is that at the same time it leaves you feeling good, it
 deftly plants the seeds of revolution. Note how the cover depicts people
 having a reaction to the simple act of inverting one's hat. Bil Keane,
 mentor that he is, means for us to see that revolution can come quietly
 from the grassroots to one day overwhelm the system and change the world as
 we know it. Yes, the day is coming, the day when we can throw off the
 shackles of bourgeois plagiarisms like Doonsbury, The Far Side and Calvin &
 Hobbes, the day when every square inch and second of your media experience
 will be Marmaduke, Mary Worth, Cathy, Charlie Brown, Garfield, Shoe and all
 of it led by the unstoppable force of THE FAMILY CIRCUS! The day whent the
 evils of intelligencia will be wiped clean from the face of the earth to
 make way for the New Dawn! The Day is coming, THE DAY IS NOW! ALL HAIL THE
 RISE OF THE CIRCUS! HAIL CIRCUS! HAIL CIRCUS! HAIL CIRCUS!

 [-----]

        A reader from Texas (shamrock@stateless.com), April 2, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        Modern-day Milton: "Paradise Lost" for Dummies

        With the multi-inked strips of Family Circus, Keane takes the
 outdated critical fads of the deconstructionist, 'carnivaliesque' 80's (and
 early '90s) and references collagists Juan Gris and Brian Eno with eerie,
 almost otherworldly, and chillingly prescient evocations of bright doom at
 the fin de siecle.

        For the reader who has never tired of "Laughter, the Best Medicine",
 or the wit of Bennett Cerf, Keane will provide a dash of angostura bitters
 with his bracing seltzer-in-the face of the body politic. Age anxiety, the
 helpless poignancy of intergenerational understanding, and the inanities of
 lawn care all receive their just excoriation in Keane's meticulously,
 consistently formally challenges.

 [-----]

        A reader from Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA (eh?), March 29, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        Billy's Neighborhood Journeys Are A Lesson To Us All

        The REAL challenge in this insightful and philosphical text is
 looking past the obvious Masonic references and deep, secretive,
 Objecivist undertones, so that we may apply Billy's dotted-line adventures
 to our own mundane existences.

        For example, when we follow Billy from the back porch, through the
 sandbox, down the slide, and back into the house for cookies, we must ask
 ourselves, "Why did he not drink from the hose?" and "Shouldn't I stop more
 in my day, and 'drink from the hose'?".

        Bill Keane is a clear visionary, and, some may say, a modern-day
 philosopher.

 [-----]

        A reader from Fairfax, VA, March 29, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        His Vision Cannot Be Silenced

        Let us now praise this famous book, now made "unavailable" by the
 vagaries of publishing and by those who would rather forget its powerful
 message.  "Daddy's Cap Is On Backwards" remains as forceful today as when
 it was written during the heady days of youthful rebellion and political
 activism of the mid-Eighties. This scalding anti-capitalist manifesto that
 dared speak out against the unjust power structures of the self-dubbed
 "First World" gave voice to a generation of outraged youth whom America had
 failed. Bil Keane, poet, author, political prisoner, was and remains my
 greatest hero. Despite the tremendous pressure placed upon him by the
 elites, he refused to cave in and make "Family Circus" the celebration of
 inanity that would have pacified the masses. Instead he crafted a
 passionate howl against the wind, shouting like a mad prophet to any and
 all who would listen through the mouths of his "cartoon family."

        As Billy struggles with arithmetic, so too do we all fight against
 the impersonal forces that alienate us. Dolly and Jeffy, brilliant masques
 for Kali and Vishnu, illume the spiritual vacuity of our western culture,
 but also they point to the possible redemption of faith and truth in the
 person of the oddly silent P.J., the metaphorical incestuous child of Dolly
 and Jeffy. P.J. is hope embodied, the future made manifest. His one-piece
 jumper with the little plastic feeties represents the unity of truth and
 life so desperately desired by Keane and his countless followers. His
 silence is the silence of the Buddha, the silence of peace, the silence of
 true enlightenment. P.J. has no pockets, and thus no money, an implicit
 rejection of the capitalist world. Such shocking art would of course have
 consequences. The riots in Chicago as a result of the infamous "Mommy got a
 haircut" strips are an unfortuate chapter in the history of Keaneism, but
 such violent reactions reflect the depth and potency of the anger into
 which "Family Circus" taps.

        But to his critics and enemies, I ask you:  would the Berlin Wall
 have fallen without the inflammatory subtext of Billy's bicycle mishaps?
 Would Richard Nixon have been caught without Dolly's cryptic references to
 "a hair in my sp'getti?" Of course not. Keane is the most important
 cultural dissident this country has ever produced. With his mysterious
 "disappearence" into an unmarked van four years ago, America lost her
 finest poet. It is an open secret that Keane is still alive and held by the
 government in a detention facility in rural Nevada. We must demand the
 freedom of this man and try to live up to the standards he has set for us.
 Contact Amnesty International for how you can help. The time is now.
 FREE BIL KEANE!! FREE BIL KEANE!!

 [-----]

        A reader from Richmond, VA, March 25, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Masonic Subtext

        As its devotees will surely note, the disappearance of "Daddy's Cap
 Is On Backwards" from publishers' shelves is less a product of its
 so-called "out of stock" status, than of the concerted efforts of the
 Freemasons, whose bloody rites and hermeneutic secrets are both revealed
 and lampooned by Keane under the guise of wholesome cartoon faire. Keane
 treads dangerous ground even on the cover, where he sends up the higher
 rites of the Third Order of Celebration, in which newly initiated Masons,
 stripped to their ceremonial aprons, are made to wear a bishop's hat upside
 down, and must run a gauntlet of paddles with their "cap on backwards." In
 this case,

        Jeffy and Billy represent the initiates, but with their hats
 properly affixed, while Daddy, symbolizing a 13th degree elder, is the one
 who is forced to wear the mark of neophyte shame. Such bold and risky
 satire fills this seemly innocuous and workman-like effort from Keane, who
 spent eight years infiltrating the Freemason power structure in an attempt
 to bring it down from within, while continuing to produce his normally
 facile "Family Circus" comic strip in order to fund his crusade. In the
 end, Keane barely escaped with his life, after he was exposed by former
 ally Jim Davis, himself a 3rd Degree Lodge Master. Now, Keane, in this
 masterful work, deftly uses his "Family Circus" comic strip as a vehicle of
 retribution. The once whimsical phantom "Notme" becomes a running metaphor
 throughout, and whether spilling grape juice on the carpet or tracking mud
 into the house, clearly stabs at the heart of the American Senate, who,
 while appearing to act on Keane's call for joint ATF/FBI investigations
 into the Freemasons, shunted his report to the House where it has remained
 in limbo. "Notme" indeed!

        For those of us lucky enough to obtain a copy of "Daddy's Cap Is On
 Backwards" before the suspicious warehouse fire last December, there are
 surprises and condemnation on every page. While Jeffy's accident with a
 frozen treat results in the amusing neologism "plopcicle," it is clearly a
 mutilated anagram of "c pope cill" or "see pope kill," the repeated mantra
 of the assassins of Book, Plane and Compass, the Masonic agents of
 international terror, bent on the destruction of the Vatican. But like the
 Popsicle, Keane shows their efforts as falling flat. Perhaps most shocking
 of all, Keane reveals through the character of Dolly, in her tea party with
 Daddy on page 33, the secret of eternal life, jealously guarded by the
 Masons since its revelation by the Comte de San Germain in the 17th
 century. Small wonder that Bil Keane has begun using the alias "Bill Keane"
 in his latest effort to stay a step ahead of the sword. Bil Keane -
 humorist, semi-skilled artist, adventurer, patriot.

 [-----]

        A reader from Portland, Oregon, March 5, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        It's Better than 'Cats'

        It's so yin. It's so yang. It's got a good beat and I can dance to
 it. Bil Keane is to literature what Kafka is to the Martial Arts. A tour de
 force. An emotional roller coaster. A forty minute spin in a tea cup of
 dysfunction and bliss. I laughed. I cried. I spilt my milk. Who did? Ida
 Know! Not Me! Five stars aren't enough. I give it five stars and a yellow
 moon. Five stars, a yellow moon and two green clovers. No blue diamonds,
 though. Blue diamonds taste like Scotch Tape. Sure, they may be
 "technically" edible, but who needs them? Silly rabbit, I'm cookoo for
 Family Circus!

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]

        "I Had a Frightmare!" by Bil Keane
        Our Price: $3.19
        You Save: $0.80 (20%)
        Usually ships in 24 hours.
        (November 1991)

        If you like this book, write an online review and share your
 thoughts with other readers!

        Avg. Customer Review: [4.5 out of 5 stars] ; Number of Reviews: 18
        
        Customer Comments:

        Julio Franco from Chicago, IL, April 9, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        A triumph of the human spirit Keane is a product of the philosophic
 and scientific rebellion of the nineteenth century. His aesthetic response
 to this realistic view of nature and the universe is sensitive and
 intellectual. Keane speaks contemptuously of Nature's holy plan and
 stresses a view of reality in which the first cause of the universe is
 unconsciousness of man's suffering and desires.

        For the first time, I believe, we have found trustworthy evidence
 that Keane has been influenced by German pessimism, and I am inclined to
 believe that Keane adopted the term "Notme" for his First Cause because he
 was impressed,sometime between May, 1886, and 1893, by the arguments
 contained in Schopenhauer's great work.

 [-----]

        A reader, April 2, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Clive Barker, move over!

        This masterly narration of the terror-fraught path PJ follows to
 become a full-fledged Cenobite will gnaw at your soul til the end of your
 days.  3 days.

 [-----]

        lovecraft@aol.com (HP Lovecraft) from Arkham, Mass , March 29, 1999
        [3 out of 5 stars]

        A "frightmare" indeed.

        In this latest installment, Keane's family must struggle with
 nightmares and bedwetting. But the difference between his family and yours,
 is that the monsters of the children's dreams actually DO exist! Bil and
 Thel do their best to cover up the tracks outside the children's windows
 every morning, but it is only a matter of time until the supernatural
 cthuloid horrors devour their children's souls. And since the spell to
 banish the elder gods Thel inadvertently summoned with her blender involves
 child sacrifice, the suspense hangs high as we wonder which one of the
 children will be gutted on the altar and how Bil will explain it to the
 others without acknowledging that all their "frightmares" are real! Just
 terrifying!

 [-----]

        ouchmyhand@aol.com from his position on the floor says... ,
        March 28, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        I just couldn't put it down!!!

        I started to read "I Had a Frightmare" last night around 8pm. I was
 done with it in a jif, but I just couldn't put it down. I thought, "how
 strange that I can't put this book down." Then I noticed the flesh on my
 hands had been fused to the front and rear cover. It seems some kind of
 chemical reaction had taken place between the moisture in my palms and the
 chemicals used to give this first rate book that glossy cover. It wasn't
 long before the burning sensation began. Before I knew it, the skin on my
 fingers began to deteriorate and my fingernails fell off at the base. As I
 ran screaming down the hall to call an ambulance, I tripped on a spark plug
 that my 2 year old son P.J. had left on the floor and as I fell, I was
 unable to stop myself with the book fused to my hands. I fell flat and
 landed with the force equal only to the force of someone my own size and
 weight hitting a similar surface. I hurt. And for the first time in my
 life, I was free.

        Be sure to check out other great reviews by searching "67 Feet in
 the Air" on your amazon key word search.

 [-----]

        A reader from Faucett, Missouri, March 28, 1999 [1 out of 5 stars]

        He ain't. Keane isn't.

 [-----]

        BluSpark97@aol.com from Los Angeles, CA , March 26, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        A compelling and disturbing portrait of an American family.

        I Had a Frightmare indeed. Keane's compelling portrait of a
dysfunctional
American family deftly reveals the delicate layers of bruised egos and the
family's unquenchable thirst for love and acceptance in their daily
everydrama. Young Jeffy grapples with the onset of a lifetime of
gender/sexuality issues while Dolly heads full speed ahead into the world
of the conspicious consumer, devouring everything in her path, including
her own deeply hidden angst. In this Keane parallel universe, little is
exactly as it seems and the reader is torn between the terrors of the
young, bitter family and their unfulfilled hopes for salvation. Each page
is attached to the book as if glued to a common binding and the front and
back covers serve as a metaphor for the family's prison-like existence of
ink and paper. Welcome to the house of pain.

 [-----]

        A reader from Juneau, Alaska March 26, 1999 [3 out of 5 stars]

        The triumph of the UberMench.

        The sheer number and soul withering power of the reoccurring
 "frightmares" should key the reader in from the beginning that this shall
 be no lighthearted romp through suburbia's lawns and kitchens. Indeed, the
 terrible repressed memories that have haunted little Jeffey for so long
 come to the surface with a elder horror in this treasury of Nihilism and
 loss. The reader is at first confused by the images of weeping clowns
 crossing the pannels, staggering beneath the weight of some unseen burden
 or woe, but as Jeffey's slow descent into the madness of the Ultimate Truth
 reveals, they are not just leftover symbols from French Existentialist
 Cinema, but an eternal reminder of the true nature of this "family circus".
 Yes this world is a "frightmare", but as little Jeffey demonstrates those
 who have no souls can survive it.

 [-----]

        Dr. Michael Torrez (coalcracker@univ-munchen.de) from University der
        Braueri, Munchen, Germany, March 25, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        Zehr Gut!

        B.F. Skinner selbst gewesen sein auf dieses anspornte psychologisches
 Experiment sensorischen Entzug und Kindheitentwicklung stolz. Im dies
 Moibus Streifen masquerading als zeitgenössisch Familie Stimmung, d Thema
 haben sein berauben von solch vertraut Element wie Möbel, Fußboden und
 Decke, Perspektive und ja, Stimmung für bestimmt drei-ungerad Dekade. Die
 Resultate lassen haben den erudite Prof Skinner shiver: Nicht ein der
 Themen erreichte einen einzelnen Entwicklungsmeilenstein während des
 30-Jahredurchlaufes des Experimentes und ganz zurückging in infantilism und
 solches childish Lautkonstruieren wie " gasphetti. " Der Steuerung Gruppe
 (jen lovable Schuft von " für gut oder falsch ") haben fortsetzen zu
 entwickeln, wie beweisen durch ihr progressiv mehr kompliziert linguistisch
 Muster und Sekundär- sexuell Eigenschaft. Interessen über das
 Sittlichkeitsgefühl solch eines Experimentes beiseite, diese Samen- Arbeit
 beeinflussen Kind-Psychologietheorie, damit Erzeugungen kommen. Außerdem
 dieses Barfy eine Heftung.

 [-----]

        toyboatoyboat@aol.com from Big Shank, Alaska , March 24, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        A Frightmare indeed.

        As the wind breaks and the stench rises from the rear, so doth a
 frightmare appear. In an old hotel on the coast sits an old woman, rocking
 in her favorite chair. Her hair, white like a thousand strands of something
 white. And hairlike. She sits and she waits for her son's return. But when
 he returns, calling for his mother, she is...

        No longer sitting in the chair, but making dinner. A caserole of
 some sort, I believe. It smells delicious. I'm scared.

 [-----]

        billgates@microsoft.net from Earth, March 23, 1999
        [4 out of 5 stars]

        I laughed, I cried and then I nearly died.

        This shows how much extra time I have on my hands. I am writing this
 because I have nothing better to do. The book is stupid just like me.
 Thusly that is why I give it 4 stars. Now stop bothering me.

 [-----]

        A reader from California, March 22, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        50 years of drawing the same cartoon over and over daily have not
 dulled Bil Keane's wit and sense of vengeance. Bil Keane astounds audiences
 internationally with his stunning "I Had a Frightmare!"

        I read this book from cover to cover in about 15 minutes and it
 almost knocked me off my seat, it was that good.

        I really liked the parts where Billy would walk to school and take
 all these side routes, like petting a dog and stuff. It was really funny.
 And then there were these parts where there were these ghosts and stuff
 with all these weird names like Ida Know, and Not me that billy and jeffy
 would say when they were really in trouble but they didn't want to get
 caught and stuff it was really funny, it made me laugh so hard that milk
 came out of my nose, i was drinking a glass a milk when i read it and
 stuff. but milk didn't really come out of my nose. it just almost did and i
 had all this stuff in my nose. it was really gross. i almost threw up.

        "Not Me! Ida Know" ha ha ha ha

 [-----]

        uncleroy@itmniafodp.com from Seattle, WA , March 21, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        The John Denver of contemporary comics!

        "I Had a Frightmare" sees Bil Keane stepping out from the shadows of
 Schultz and Davis straight into the upper elcheon of comic artistes. What,
 you may ask, could Keane have done differently this time to earn a place at
 Mort Drucker's right side? I wish I knew, but it sure sounds good, doesn't
 it?

        Seriously, Bil Keane must've worked overtime on this collection. One
 cartoon traces Billy's walk "down the block" to the bus stop. The amazing
 twists and turns this simple half-block walk takes requires a steady,
 patient eye in order to fully comprehend the joke. Keane manages to tie the
 whole she-bang together, giving the reader that same sense of glee after
 they put "Pulp Fiction" or "12 Monkeys" together.

        Yes. It's that good.

 [-----]

        A reader from Unit D, east wing, Fairview Mental Health Center,
        March 20, 1999 [5 out of 5 stars]

        READ THIS BOOK!

        My new psychotherapy tag-team, Dave and Kate, recommended I read
 this book to gain perspective about the real-life "frightmare" that was my
 own childhood. The warm, soft, and humorous content of this novel--or
 "graphic novel", if you will-- reminded me of when I was ten, and finally
 tall enough to wiggle out of the basement window of my parents' house.
 Wearing nothing but a cigarette, I crouched in the neighbor's bushes and
 watched them through their living room window for hours at a time, my heart
 aching. Oh, how I coveted their love, their readily-apparent contentedness,
 the complete absence of smeared feces on the walls and furniture.

 Mr. Keane, thank you so much for taking me back to that night so many years
 ago. I feel like I'm hiding in those bushes, watching those strangers,
 every time I open one of your glorious books!

 [-----]

        insanepilgrim@hotmail.com from Painesville, Ohio, March 17, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        A Triumph of the human soul!

        Magnificent! With humor and warmth, Keane shines through the
 darkness of the universe like a solitary star, twinkling into infinity.
 This book is yet another example of how it's possible to live a pleasant,
 even enjoyable life in a world gone mad. Though Billy may come across as
 rambunctious, obnoxious, maybe homocidal, his family always shows the
 utmost of patience and love with him. But mostly, this book is a story of
 unbridled enthusiasm. Who can deny the energy of a screaming child, raging
 in her exasperation at the continued mischief of her gung-ho brothers?

 [-----]

        Un Poodle Français from Ville De Poodle, La France , March 16, 1999
        [4 out of 5 stars]

        Une vue inquiétante d'une estacade à claire-voie monochrome
 Vous avez- vous êtes-vous jamais réveillés d'un mauvais rêve, dans une
 sueur froide, sûre pendant juste un moment qu'elle était tout vraie? C'est
 plus ou moins la même expérience que vous apprécierez tout en lisant ce
 livre. Dans la tradition de Lewis Carroll, il M. immortel Keane utilise le
 dispositif ingénieux du portmanteau pour créer son propre langage, trouvant
 le vocabulaire de l'anglais trop restrictif pour exprimer correctement ses
 visions inquiétantes et déstabilisantes. En dépit de l'overreaction par
 PETA à l'utilisation fréquente des animaux de compagnie de famille comme
 nourriture, j'ai trouvé ceci un travail la plupart du temps compatissant et
 sympathique. Mais il a effrayé le bejeezus hors de moi, je vous dira cela.

 [-----]

        Some other dog from Poodle City, Iowa, March 16, 1999
        [4 out of 5 stars]

        A distubring view of one family's monochrome heck

        Have you ever woke up from a bad dream, in a cold sweat, sure for
 just a moment that it was all real? That is much the same experience as you
 will enjoy while reading this book. In the tradition of Lewis Carroll, he
 immortal Mr. Keane employs the ingenious device of portmanteau to create
 his own language, finding the vocabulary of English too restrictive to
 properly express his disturbing and unsettling visions. Despite the
 overreaction by PETA to the frequent use of the family pets as food, I
 found this a mostly compassionate and sympathetic work. But it did scare
 the bejeezus out of me, I'll tell you that.

 [-----]

        jeremy@thug.net from Oxford, Mississippi , March 15, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        A story for the ages.

        While seemingly a reflection of a young disenchanted misanthrope we
 see it is actually a story of an individual attempting to break the mold of
 the typical gen x-er. The Frightmare, society itself, leans heavily on
 little Jeffy making it almost impossible for him to function as a true
 individual.  His struggle with his sexuality and society's standards.
 Popular media has portrayed young girls as modelling themselves after
 Barbie, but we really don't see the horror of this until we see how this
 'Barbie ideal' affects Jeffy's transvestite tendencies.

        The Christmas scene where Dolly receives the Barbie Beach House set
 that Jeffy secretly desired is a heartwrenching one. Jeffy swoons while
 muttering one of the most important quotes in the book, 'Mistah Kurtz he
 dead.' The Eliot reference from 'The Hollow Men' asks if we aren't all
 hollow men. Is Jeffy the last true individual?

 [-----]

        M. Dog (oing@oing.com) from Oing City, Montana , March 15, 1999
        [4 out of 5 stars]

        If you buy just one book in your lifetime, this should be it

        It is a scientific fact that more humans read the works of Mr. Keane
 than Shakespeare and Milton combined. Why? Maybe it's because Keane
 possesses more wit and humor in his little toe than Shakespeare had in his
 whole foot. And although both Shakespeare and Milton toyed with the idea of
 mispronounced food, neither was able to raise it to the high art that Keane
 has. This literary breakthrough represents a milestone in fiction that will
 change the way we look at the classics forever...and it raises the bar for
 all those who follow. Already, many modern authors have tried to
 incorporate mispronounced food into their writings in a futile attempt to
 emulate Mr. Keane's revolutionary style. What next, Mr. Keane? What
 barriers will you break down, what brilliant new trails will you blaze? I
 eagerly await Mr. Keane's next tour de force.

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]

        "I'll Shovel the Cards" by Bill Keane
        List Price: $3.99
        Our Price: $3.19
        You Save: $0.80 (20%)
        This title usually ships within 2-3 days.

        Book Description:

        Another laugh-out-loud volume of heart-warming cartoon classics from
 the pen of Bil Keane, creator of America's favorite comic strip family,
 "The Family Circus."

        Synopsis:

        A collection of cartoons by the nationally syndicated creator of the
 beloved Family Circus features the forever young children, Billy, Dolly,
 and P.J.

        A new collection of the heartwarming, hilarious comic strip America
 loves--Family Circus. Bil Keane and his wife Thel, model for "Mommy" and
 editor of the feature, have five children, sources of most of Keane's
 cartoon ideas. Original.

 [-----]

        If you like this book, write an online review and share your
 thoughts with other readers!

        Avg. Customer Review: [4.5 out of 5 stars] Number of Reviews: 6

        Aurelianobuendia@macondo.com from Moscow, ID, April 9, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        I like cookies too, Jeffy...

        One of the reasons that I enjoy reading Family Circus is because of
 the many parallels that it draws between my home life and my adopted family
 in the funny pages. Man, it's almost eerie how often I think to myself,
 "You know, if the dad in the cartoon wore a beard, drank alot more, and
 cursed at the kids more often, he'd be just like my dad." Also, "Wow, I
 really like the mom's new hairdo. That's probably what my mom looks like,
 even though I haven't seen her since she ran out on us when I was four." I
 especially like the whole "grandfather in heaven watching over me" story
 line. I sometimes feel that my grandfather is watching me too, except he's
 still alive, and it's usually when I am trying to take a shower. I do
 wonder when Bil Keane will begin to tackle the more difficult issues
 concerning his children, for instance, "Daddy, why are you and Mommy
 wrestling without any clothes? Are you mad at her?" and "Mommy, the dog is
 wrestling with my leg again...and I kinda like it!" I know that these
 issues take time to bring to the surface, and Mr. Keane has only just
 begun. Kudos and huzzah to you, Mr. Keane...a true American genius.

 [-----]

        A reader from Paris, France, March 29, 1999 [1 out of 5 stars]

        Towards a lesser art.

        More tired drivel pours forth from the tired pen of this wretched
 champion of the nuclear family. Again we are subjected to the malapropisms
 of the brain-damaged dwarves masquerading as children and the utter
 inadequacy of the parents Bil and Thel. But the one feature that sticks out
 more than anything else is the art. All speaking characters are given
 little round holes for mouths in a grotesque reference to the inflatable
 love doll that is the sole companion of cartoonist Keane. The simple lines
 are more insulting to Miro than derivative and the color, when Keane can be
 bothered to rise from his drunken stupor long enough to apply it, is enough
 to make Jasper Johns burn his canvases. In short, Keane is a modern Duchamp
 placing a toilet in our funny pages and duping the establishment to take it
 as more than the tedious fecal disposal of an alcoholic suburbanite who
 should have been taken out and shot in the Johnson era.

 [-----]

        bkeane@prodigy.com from Arizona, March 15, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        STOP PICKING ON ME!

        If you have not read my books, please don't write fake reviews.
 Oh, and my name only has one "L" as in "Bil."

        (bunch of retards)

 [-----]

        rwashington@hotmail.com from Arizona, March 15, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        Stop the Madness!!!!!

        This has become ridiculous! It is obvious that some cult of deranged
 lunatics have bombarded this site with bogus reviews. I can't imagine why
 anyone would want to purposely attack a wholesome cartoon like "Family
 Circus." Bil Keane has been creating clean, thoughtful, and hilarious
 cartoons for our enjoyment for decades. There have NEVER been any of his
 cartoons about “nutsaks,” or “Uncle Roy”; and how on earth are you
 connecting NAMBLA with the Keanes? You sick weirdoes need professional
 help! It is obvious you come from dysfunctional families. If more families
 patterned their lives after the Keanes, there would be fewer sickos out
 there to inundate helpful sites like amazon.com with X-rated trash. As for
 this book, "I'll Shovel the Cards," it was another side-splitting
 concoction of comedy cartoons that held my attention wher it is. Bravo,
 Mr. Keane!

 [-----]

        Mkatkutani@nytimes.com from Times Square, baby, March 10, 1999
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        A glimpse into darkness

        Bil Keane, our master of modern day American angst depicts the
 desperate world of the young gambler. A young girl, trapped into a world of
 the fast hustler and the turn of the cards.

        Her family, unaware of the deepning sickness, remain isolated in the
 placid suburbia where they remain isolated from the concerns of the world.
 Only when Dolly is threatened by late night visitors, Ida Know and Not Me,
 does her peril become clear.

        Her brothers, rip asundered by years of conflict, are forced to pull
 together to save their sister from the Mob and herself. Can the angry young
 men over come their differences, forged in a turbulant childhood, to save
 what is left of their family.

        The climax of this book is as searing as anything John Le Carre has
 ever written. Billy, Jeffy and PJ will become as seared in the imagination
 as George Smiley. But instead of the murky world of post-war Europe, it is
 in America's suburbia where the shadows hold menace and each turn of the
 cards is fraught with suspense.

        Bil Keane is at the top of his game, leaving behind Le Carre and
 even Greene as the master of the shadow worlds, where every ally can be an
 enemy and every friend a weakness.

 [-----]

        policypam@aol.com from Chicago, IL, December 14, 1998
        [5 out of 5 stars]

        The kids are cute, the jokes are real, a must read! What can I say?
 "I'll Shovel the Cards" is, quite frankly, a shovelful of fun! This
 installment of the crazy adventures of the Keane clan is a real keeper.
 Previous Family Circus collections have always been heartfelt, hilarious,
 and oh so true, and this one is no exception. Pick up "I'll Shovel the
 Cards" today!

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!  HOE #621 - WRITTEN BY: ANONYMOUS - 5/9/99 ]
