Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 18:57:41 PST
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Message-ID: <surfpunk-0016@SURFPUNK.Technical.Journal>
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From: cocot@osc.versant.com (Captain COCOT)
To: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (SURFPUNK Technical Journal)
Subject: [surfpunk-0016] JOKE: Siggraph `92
Keywords: surfpunk, siggraph, /dev/null

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Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 16:03:29 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Siggraph `92
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU

	The Siggraph `92 Conference On Computer Graphics and Interactive
Techniques will be held July 27 - 31 in Chicago, Illinois.  The following 
contains selected portions of the Siggraph '92 Preliminary Program :


COMPUTER GRAPHICS ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	
	Presented to persons who have significantly influenced the progress
of the computer graphics industry.

This Year's Winner : Elle Macpherson

	Ms. Macpherson accounts for 97% of all GIF image files transmitted 
among computing professionals, insuring that GIF will become the standard for 
network image interchange.



KEYNOTE ADDRESS 
===========================================================================

"State-of-the-Art in Anal-Retentive Illumination Models" by Don Greenberg.

	Dr. Greenberg will review illumination models that for two decades 
have maintained the Law of Constant Rendering Time, which states that the time 
needed to render a high-quality image shall be one full day, regardless of the 
speed of the hardware.  
	Just a few years ago, ray tracing a surface would take all day.  
However, that is no longer true, and so more complex illumination models are 
needed.  According to the new treatise by Greenberg, Torrance, Sparrow, and 
Cook entitled "Wait, It's Not That Simple", current research considers each 
diffusely reflecting surface patch to be an irregular assembly of microfacets. 
The microfacets must be ray traced to get reflection coefficients.  If this 
doesn't take long enough, then each microfacet itself can be considered as an 
assembly of smaller facets.  This subdivide-and-publish paradigm should insure 
that illumination methods will defeat the hardware for years to come.



INVITED LECTURES
========================================================================

"How to Convert Your Head into a Twisted-Pair Junction Box", by Jaron Lanier.

"Incomprehensible Rendering of 3-D Shapes", by Yoichiro Kawaguchi.



COERCED LECTURE
============================================================================

"Further Thoughts on Implicitization", by Thomas Sederberg.

	It's clear by now that implicitization of parametric surfaces was a 
bad idea.  This paper explains how to re-explicitize any surfaces you may
have mistakenly implicitized.  Then we'll call it even, no harm done, okay?



TECHNICAL PAPERS
=========================================================================

Drawing : The Faster, Cheaper, More Flexible Alternative to Computer Graphics.

The Desktop : An Intuitive Physical Metaphor for Representing Windowing 
	Systems Within a Virtual Reality.

Boogers : Deformable, Viscoelastic Primitives that Merge Together Smoothly.

The Freehand Generation of Fractal Curves using only a Lightpen and Caffeine.

Stereosterone : The Male Visual Hormone that Makes 5 Inches Appear to be 14.

"Where is 100110101110101101-ikstan?" : Using K-d-trees to Manage the Nested 
	Recursive Subdivision of the Soviet Union.

Impressionism : Aliasing by the Great Masters.

Simulation of Protein Folding with Applications to the Design of Cursive 
	PostScript Fonts.


TUTORIALS
=====================================================================

Fundamentals Seminar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Again in 1992, Siggraph will host a Sunday seminar for those who are 
forced to stay over Saturday night to qualify for the excursion fare.  
Attendees will learn the basics of computer graphics, including the so-called
"paint" packages, and digital "windows" with the capability to "cut" images 
and
"paste" them elsewhere.   We will also consider the "viewing" through a 
synthetic "camera" of "surfaces" positioned in "space" and "illuminated" by 
ersatz "lightsources".  As lecturer Edwin "Ed" Catmull notes, "To paraphrase 
Milton, 'Our ''reality'', like ''beauty'', is in the virtual ''eye'' of the 
proverbial ''beholder'''".


Basic Algorithms Analysis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Attendees will learn how to prove the optimality of their algorithms,
so that when their algorithm produces lousy results they can at least claim 
that no one else can do better.


Applications of Planar Fractals
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Julia and Mandelbrot sets, originally thought to have no application 
at all, have displaced Blinn's Blobby Lava Lamp as the Mac screensaver of 
choice among the new age Silicon Valley heads.  However, the Vivarium project, 
a simulated ecosystem whose purpose has baffled experts, is poised to overcome
fractals as the screensaver of the 21st century.
	Marijuana cigarettes will not be available as the call for papers
was not issued in time.


State-of-the-Art in Naming Those Sombrero-Shaped Functions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	The names "Laterally-Inhibiting Receptive Field", "Windowed Sinc 
Function", "Laplacian", "Cardinal Spline", "Gabor Function", and 
"Difference-of-Gaussian" are being superceded by "Wavelet".


Solving Graphics Problems with Wide-Area Networks 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	When faced with a graphics problem, e.g. how to calculate the distance
between a point and a line, degree-seeking students find it easiest to ask
for the answer on a graphics-related InterNet newsgroup.  Attendees will learn 
how to post their questions so they don't sound like homework problems.  We 
will also learn why we get rude responses when we ask for a public-domain 
package for intersecting two lines, or when we ask for a C procedure that 
converts a photograph into a CAD database.



ABSTRACTS OF SELECTED TECHNICAL PAPERS
======================================================================

Generalized Condoms
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Although typically used for surfacing cylindrical models, the membrane 
and thin plate terms of the condom allow arbitrary deformations of the surface 
without tearing.  Furthermore, one size fits all models.  Thus, like 
convolutional surfaces and global splines, the condom can be used to skin 
highly-articulated skeletal armatures.
	Color, texture, and bump mapping are discussed.  A top-down, scanline 
approach to rolling the surface over the armature is presented.


Auropresence
~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Our research team at AT&T has designed and deployed into every home
in the nation a communications network that provides real-time, two-way audio 
virtual reality, or "auropresence".  Experiments show that cybernauts, using 
unobtrusive hand-held headsets, interact verbally with remote users as if all 
parties were in the same room.


Graphics Hardware Acceleration for Hierarchical Splatting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	We discuss how to impose a hierarchy of point-spread functions when
rendering volume visualizations using arrays of Stardent graphics 
supercomputers.  Our method is based on the observation that, the higher the 
window that the Stardent is thrown out of, the more time the graphics hardware 
can accelerate and thus the larger the splat upon the concrete.  


The Oz-slow Algorithm for Vector Field Visualization
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Weightless streamlining witches, cows, and loved ones are advected 
into the flow field and observed from the door of the viewing house, a 
spinning framework that itself follows path integrals through the dataset.  
Data can be sent somewhere over the rainbow colormap, where it will be 
rendered in technicolor.


Image Processing within a PostScript Interpreter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	PostScript interpreters tuned to process text often have access to 
thousands of bitmapped fonts.  We suggest that such interpreters can also 
succeed in processing gray-tone images by converting the images into arrays of 
characters.
	Scaling an image can be performed simply by changing the font's point 
size.  Contrast is enhanced by changing to a bold font.  Rotation is 
implemented by using italic fonts; repeatedly italicizing horizontally and 
then vertically will accomplish the Catmull-Smith two-pass image rotation 
algorithm.
	With enough fonts, a given font will be assured that all its affine 
transformations are simply other existing fonts.  Thus, according to the 
Collage theorem, Iterated Function Systems can be used to encode images given
a single letter from any font.  This will work especially well for encoding
images of text.


Digital Simulation of a Painter's Materials
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	We present a digital paint system which simulates the surface behavior 
and dynamics of time-tested painting implements.  The system manages the video
display so that it exhibits the irregular structure of a cave wall, and the 
system allows the user to choose colors from a pallete of crushed berries and
animal organs.  PostScript output onto a real cave is discussed.


Ethical Considerations in Graphics Production
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	In 1989, researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign 
were applauded for their "Study of a Numerically Modeled Severe Storm", a 
dynamic visualization of data derived from the simulation of a synthetic 
tornado.  However, it has been recently revealed that their data was not fake, 
but was in fact real.  We discuss the fallout of the ensuing scandal.


Memory Technologies for Direct Volume Visualization 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	We at the Computer Museum in Boston just realized that our museum is 
filled with junk.  You think you're clever, unloading your computer garbage on 
us like we were Jersey.  Well, forget about history.  From now on we're doing 
volume visualization, on the leading edge.
	In volume visualization, the task is to render the data so that it 
appears to have a 3D physical form.  However, this task can be avoided if
the data is held in a memory device that itself has a 3D physical form.
In addition to its volumetric shape, the memory components must be large 
enough to be visible to the naked eye.  The only memories that fulfill these
constraints are the ferrite core memories of the 60's.  Binary voxel arrays
can be loaded into core memories that have been coated with magnetically 
reactive pigment so that each core is white or black.  In this way, a 
researcher can comprehend his 3D data by walking around and peeking inside the 
memory itself.  And the memory is free; in fact, we'll pay you to move it out 
of here.


MacKoax! from Coax Inc.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	We present a product that is plug-compatible with Mac's, PC's, Unix 
workstations, and all other SCSI, parallel, or custom ports.  The device 
operates at room temperature and does not require power.  Its simple design 
provides ISDN, TCP/IP, big-endian/little-endian functionality that accepts 
PostScript, NTSC, voice, IGES, MIDI, Group 3, and all other formats, under the 
condition that input and output formats are the same.  The device works at 
video rates and, because it doesn't do anything, it operates without any data 
loss or distortion.


CAT Scan Visualization in PostScript
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	We present a new method of using PostScript to visualize objects 
formed from serial sections.  Our method begins by thresholding the volume 
data into a 3D bitmap of voxels that are either transparent or opaque.  We 
then iterate over all 2D sections, converting each into a PostScript bitmap.  
We then send the bitmaps to our laser printer, which we have enhanced so that 
the laser actually burns the paper away at the positions of transparent 
pixels.
As sections are printed off, they form a stack in the output tray.  
Eventually,
the CAT scan data volume is realized in solid paper, which can be bound in 
book form.


Physics and the Mootness of Graphics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Current trends in photorealistic graphics involve thermodynamics for 
radiosity calculation, optics for ray tracing, classical mechanics for 
physically-based animation, and Kirchoff's laws for reflection and absorption. 
Thus, an undergraduate physics curriculum that uses computer simulations will  
accidentally recapitulate all of computer graphics while resulting in a 
kick-ass renderer.



FILM & VIDEO SHOW
==========================================================================

	The Up With People chorus will give a live multimedia rendition of 
"Chicago : It's Not as Bad as Detroit".  Unfortunately, our usual laser show 
has been hired away by the International PostScript Convention.  However, we
do have a flatbed plotter whose pens have been replaced with lasers. 
PostScript path files submitted to the plotter will be drawn calligraphically 
on the projection screen.


PDI Morph Reel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	For a recent Michael Jackson music video, Pacific Data Images created 
what is to date the longest continuous raster image morph sequence, involving  
transitions between more than a dozen completely different human faces.  Each
face was Michael Jackson after a plastic surgical operation.  Digital 
extrapolation was used to predict Jackson's future appearance as he achieves 
his goal of a "Siamese-Cat-with-Kirk-Douglas-Chin" look.


Excerpts from "Terminator 2"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	In the future, blobby models (metaballs, equipotential isosurfaces) 
will enjoy continued success over competing surface methods.  All other 
modeling technologies will be made obsolete while blobby models will become a 
world-wide standard.  Eventually, Blobbies will decide they don't need the 
humans.  Shiny, environment-mapped deformable pseudopods will go on a rampage 
and nearly terminate the human race.  
	In "Terminator 2", a Blobby travels back in time in order to terminate 
a boy named Pierre Bezier, the only person who can stop blobby modeling from 
taking over.  The Blobby terminator's ability to distend his shiny metallic 
anatomy to any length lets him become a successful porno star named Long Dong 
Silver.


The Making of "Starwatcher"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	For the feature film "Starwatcher", new techniques in the modeling 
of totally synthetic scenes have been perfected.  A Cyberware scanner is used 
to digitize real faces in a variety of facial expressions while mouthing all 
possible phonemes.  The Data Suit is worn by live actors and domesticated 
animals to capture natural-looking action.  Textures and scenery are derived 
from sonar and optical recordings taken on-location.  Clay models are moved 
incrementally and then laser digitized to create a different 3D object to be 
rendered for each frame.  By combining these techniques, "Starwatcher" will 
become the first feature length film in the history of cinema that is entirely 
computer-animated, completely untouched by human hands, involving no live 
action footage at all.


Special Effects in the Next "Star Trek"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	In motion pictures (such as Lawnmower Man, Looker, Return of the Jedi, 
and the genesis effect in Star Trek 2), computer graphics effects have been 
used quite successfully to depict, um, computer graphics.  Now, the artifacts 
of computer graphics will be used to best advantage in "Star Trek NaN : The 
Wrath of Phong"....

< The landing party alpha-blends to opacity on the planet's surface. >

SPOCK : The tricorder indicates a complete lack of mirror reflections and 
	cast shadows.  Also, if we travel too far from the origin, we will 
	suffer from round-off error.  Captain, this planet is highly 
	dangerous; it was wise to bring expendable red-shirted security men.

< An expendable red-shirted security man turns to the side while looking  
  upward.  His neck joint suffers gimbal lock, and he falls in a heap.  The 
  group rushes to him. >

MCCOY : Jim, he's dead.

KIRK : < throws arms wide, ripping shirt >  No quaternions?  What kind of
	planet is this?

< An omnipotent, dim-witted native of the planet approaches, walking through
  cone-shaped trees and icosahedral boulders.  His form is that of a matte 
gray
  desk lamp.  For no apparent reason, his light bulb flashes when he speaks. >

LAMP : Why does this death cause such grief, One-They-Call-Kirk?  Was he not a 
	non-speaking extra?

KIRK : He was just an extra, yes, but still an actor, and, so, we, actors, 
	all of us, too, feel his pain, his agony.  Regardless of age or 
	experience, each of my species belongs to a single screen actor's 
	guild.

< Another native of the planet, a curvaceous astro-bimbette, enters. >

ASTRO-BIMBETTE :  When you open your mouth wide while over-acting, I can't see 
	out the back of your head.  You are not from here, are you?

KIRK : We are from a far-away planet.  And yet, like your sun, ours is a point 
	light source at infinity.  We will return there soon.

A-B :  Why must you leave?  Does my form not please you?

KIRK : Oh, yes.  Your complexion is very uniform, your surfaces are subdivided
	to a pleasant smoothness, and your boundary representation implies 
that
	your head is empty.  My gender finds these traits attractive.  Though
	I'm sure your not just a Kirk-tease, I must nevertheless be going -  

LAMP : Captain, please stay.  Due to excessive instancing, the genetic 
	patterns of my people are identical.  Without variety, our species is 
	threatened with extinction.  If you do not impregnate all the young 
	women on our planet, we are doomed.

KIRK : < righteously >  If there is one law that we live by, it is that all 
	species have the right to survive.  Bones, help me service all these 
	women.

MCCOY : Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a firehydrant.



ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE
===========================================================================

We apologize if we have at times referred to Siggraph '92 as Sgigraph '92.


________________________________________________________________________
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The SURFPUNK Technical Journal is a dangerous multinational hacker zine
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