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                             >> "The Dead Hippo" <<

                                by -> Kraftwerk

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        [ Traveling through the mystical woods, we come across to young men
 arguing over the carcass of a hippopotamus. ]

 Phil: I was here first!

 Mike: Hell no! 

 Phil: Then why was I standing here before you even arrived??? Huh????

 Mike: Because.

 Phil: Oh, thats a great excuse. Because. Hmph.

 Mike: It's a big hippo, why don't we just share it?

 Phil: NO!  IT'S MY HIPPO MOTHER FUCKER!

 Mike: You can at least be civil about it.

 Phil: Hippo thief!

 Mike: Why would I try and steal your mother?

 Phil: I'll kill you mother fucker!

 Mike: Go ahead and try, you ignorant pus bag.

 Phil: GRRRR!!!!  (pulls a knife out of his pocket)

        [ At this point Mike quickly pulls a Tri-lithium Alloy Laser out of
 his pocket and vaporizes Phils knife. ]

 Mike: The tides of turned haven't they, Phil?  

 Phil: (on the ground whimpering) Please don't kill Please don't kill me!

 Mike: Do you concede the hippo carcass to me? 

 Phil: Yes, yes! I'll do anything, just please don't kill me!

 Mike: All right then. 

        [ While Mike turns his back to start lifting the hippo so he can take
 it home, Phil pulls yet *another* dagger out of his pocket and throws it at
 Mike, hitting him in the shoulder. ]

 Mike: You threw a knife at me!

 Phil: Obviously.

 Mike: (doubled over from the pain)  You're a dead man.

 Phil: Really?

        [ Mike then proceeds to whistle, and we hear a commotion from the
 nearby bushes.  Suddenly, out springs a gnome! ]

 Gnome: M-O-O-N, that spells poop.

 Mike: (smacking his forehead) Oh god, of all the things they could have sent me, I get a retarded Gnome.  Get the hell out of here, you retard.

        [ The Gnome, with a desolate scream, crawls back to the bushes. ]

 Mike: All right, let's try this again.  (Whistle)

        [ We hear yet another commotion in the bushes, and out pops Jesus. ]

 Mike: Oh boy, another defect.  Back you go, crucifuck.

        [ Jesus scurries back into the bushes. ]

 Phil: You sure have some neat friends.

 Mike: Fuck you, you sarcastic mo-fo.

 Phil: Oh go to hell, bitch.

 Mike: What were we fighting over in the first place?

 Phil: The hippo carcass, dumb ass. (gesturing to the now bare ground)

 Mike: Gasp! It's gone!

 Phil: Where'd you put it, thief?

 Mike: I didn't take it.

 Suddenly, the retarded Gnome jumps back out of the bushes.

 Gnome: Never insult a gnome!  I have taken your hippo carcass and eaten it!

 Phil: You fuckhead!@!!#%@!$#@!
 
 Gnome: Now you will all die.

        [ The two young men, sensing their fates, try to run away.  All of a
 sudden, the gnome is 200 feet tall! ]

 GNOME!: YOUU AREEEE DEADDDDDD!@!!!!!

        [ With a quick movement, GNOME!, lifts his feet and squashes them
 both. ]

 ---

        The moral of the story: Never argue over a hippo carcass in a
 Mystical Forest when there are any gnomes around, for they are all powerful
 and will take away the hippo carcass and kill you.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
   * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #163 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 12/18/97 *
