//01Welcome to Jonas, Biznatch.  (Edicius)

                    $&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a.
                    $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$^$$$$ $$$$^$$$$
                    $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$      $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
               aaa. $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ .a&$$$$$$ $$$$$&aa.
               $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$^$$$$ aaaa $$$$
               $$$$.$$$$ $$$$.$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$.$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
               `$$$$$$$' `$$$$$$$' `$$$ $$$' `$$$$$$$' `$$$$$$$'
                               jonas?!  $&'                  lf
                                        $'

       Here it is, Jonas 11.  WOO - FUCKING - HOO.  Its out, its out, its
  out!@^*!$%^

       Nothing much is news-worthy with Jonas.  Oh yeah, Jonas is taking an
  indefinate leave of absence for alittle while.

       You heard it, bitch.  On your back, no excuses.

       Um.  Yeah.  Basically, what I'm saying, is that Jonas won't be out
  for awhile.  SO DON'T BUG ME FOR IT (cough time killer cough.  :>)

       Um.  Here's the reason.

       I'm becoming a real 'zine.  Yup.  I'm becoming a paper 'zine,
  jeah!@#

       Hopefully.  I need the money, so I can get a Post Office Box (I
  don't want you sickos having my home address (181 Ridgemount Drive, Salt
  Lake City, UT).  I also need a legitamate internet account, too.  :>

       Anyway, as far as the paper Jonas goes, I'll be releasing a
  information file before the end of September regarding the future.

       As far as real news for this month:

       o. Belial <Blade/Cripple> did us two Articles, and an ascii.

       o. Also, Lucifer <Blade> did us a few radIk0w asciis.

       o. I had a few sites, but like, um, I forget them.

       o. EDICIUS IS YOUR LOVE GOD.  OH YES.  OH YES.  OH YES.

       Read the 'zine, enlighten yourself, and drink Pepsi (c).

edicius.
jonas vmb @ 800/314/8885::585.

//02Edicius' Editorial (Edicius)
From masturbate.at.the.jonas.org<y>!edicius Mon Sep 4 13:04:49 1995
Return-Path: <edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org>
Recieved: by masturbate.at.the.jonas.org (5.61 / 25)
             id AA01437; Mon, 4 Sep 95 13:02:12 -0500
Date: Mon, 4 Sep 95 13:02:12 -0500
From: edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org <RIDE ME ALL NITE LONG EDI>
Message-Id: <9509040808.AA01437@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org>
Aparently-To: sandyb@aol.com
Cc: mogel@hoe.org, willyc@whitehouse.gov, jgoleb@injersey.com
Status: 0

       One day, April 1st, 1995, to be exact, I was bored.  (Well, not just
  on this day, but follow me here.)  I looked around at all the different
  'zines around.  Back then, I was involved with the ansi art scene alittle
  more then I am now.  I looked at Infinity, I looked at Bitchslap, I
  looked at Undergrown.  I also looked at Hoe, cDc, and all the other poppa
  'zines out there.
       I said to myself, "Tom, you too can achieve fame, fortune, and asian
  girls in bikinis if you make your own electronic magizine."
       So, I sat down, wrote an article or two, drew up some asciis, and
  boom, "Bee-Gee" Issue One was almost done.

[----]

                       WAIT A FUCKING SECOND EDI.  BEE GEE?

       Yes, "Bee-Gee".  I _almost_ named my magizine Bee-Gee, after the
  infamous 70's group.  I got bored, and didn't feel like working on it
  anymore.  So I scraped the whole thing.  Sorta.
       The next day, a typical Saturday night for me, I sat down, and
  around eight o'clock, I started work on Jonas.  I used some of the stuff
  I had from the night before, drew new asciis, and finished the coding.
       I released an issue that night, about 5 hours after I originially
  started working on it.  (Deeply Disturbed (I think it was DeepStah) put
  out some magizine that he said was done in 5 hours.  HAH.  JONAS COPY
  CAT.)
       The reviews of the 'zine were very mixed.  So, I put out an issue
  the next day (Sunday), about 12 hours after I released issue one, and
  then, I released issues 3 and 4 the next weekend.

[----]

       "Is your main objective to be a simple magizine, or are you just an
  inexperienced coder looking for fun?" -- Asphixia.

       It was a mixture of both.  I was just an angstful person looking for
  a way to vent my frustrations at the art scene, or something.  I love
  writing, so I felt like putting together my own magizine.
       I also know very little about coding.  :>
       No matter what I did, I also had Jonas under my belt.  Jonas is me.
  Without me, Jonas is no more.  (Sounds like Eerie and Undergrown.  :>)
  What I've done with Jonas, is exactly what I've wanted to do with it.
  I've never had any senior staff, no co editors, _nothing_.  I have very
  rarely been influenced by other people, as far as Jonas is concerned.
       Jonas is me.  Jonas is about 5 months, 11 issues, and countless
  hours of hard work.  I've put alot into Jonas, and only want the best for
  it.  Making it into a paper 'zine is what I want to do.  Its how I can
  reach alot more people, then I can now.

[----]

       Over the course of Jonas' history, it's main theme has changed
  _greatly_.  I started out as a small Ansi mag, without ansi, only ascii.
  (Pretty neat concept, eh?)  I had the interviews with the big people in
  the ansi scene.  Rad Man, Wizard of Id, and others.
       As time progressed, I changed.  Its range of coverage was very wide.
  Music, Computers, Politics, amoung many other topics.  I still had the
  ansi in it, to a small extent.  One of my favorite things I've done for
  Jonas is the Eerie interview in issue 10.
       Its theme has changed, but the heart and spirit of Jonas never
  swayed one bit.  Jonas would always release, no matter how lame people
  thought it would be.

[----]

       "Serious content in a magizine quoted as 'a joke' but its creator.
  The road to today's cult phenomenom leads to Jonas." -- Diehard

       True, very true.  Jonas has a pretty strange following.  I mean, its
  nothing like Deadheads, but I have had alot of people tell me how much
  they look forward to Jonas, which pleases me.  Jonas was started out as a
  joke, I was very shocked when people told me they liked it.
       Jonas may, or may not, stop electronic releases, but it will live
  on.  The spirit of Jonas will remain in the minds of many, forever.
  Maybe.

[----]

       "Jonas, its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle." -- Edicius.

       I've said those words before in the past, without really thinking
  never have they meant more then me, then they do now.

--

tom m. sullivan - edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org<y>
office: (800)314/8885::585 / home: see office / fax: see office
"Jonas, Its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle." -- Edicius.
"pHEAR mE." -- Mogel
"Nine, or ten, thousand times a day." -- Pip the Angry Conservative.

--

//03A Day in the Life of Edicius (Edicius)

       Here's a day in the life of me, Edicius/Tom Sullivan, for September
  2nd, 1995.

       I woke up around noon, after going to bed around 2:30am.  Brushed
  myself off, got something to drink, and went to the bathroom.  I think I
  read the paper, not really sure.  I came into my room, played alittle
  Sega (Hardball '95, *GREAT* game), and watched TNBC.  (Saved by the bell
  ROCKS.)

       I talked alittle bit on the phone, and started cleaning my room
  around 1 or so.  Nothing too special there.  Around 2:30 or so, I left,
  hopped on my bike, and rode to my friends house.  Hung out at his house,
  watched alittle bit of "Interview with a Vampire", and then took a 3 mile
  ride on my bike to taco bell.

       After a hearty meal (2 double decker tacos, a steak soft taco, 10
  packets of hot sauce, and about 4 refills of Dr. Pepper), I go to the
  Wawa (7-11 type store), got a cherry Icee (c) and a pack of Starburst.
  Played around with the payphone (I called my answering machine to check
  my messages, and tried out a loop number I found, then, the phone was
  fucky with me, and tricked me into thinking I could get free calls (I
  dial a number for the hell of it, without a coin, and the fone rang, but
  after 4 rings, an operator came on asking for change, bitch.))  Being
  pissed off at the phone, I covered it with Cherry Icee (c).  h0h0.

       I rode down the highway to a record store, saw a few cd's I wanted
  (newest Teenage Fanclub $4.99 (it was used, and didn't have the front
  cover on it), but I bought a Pavement sticker, and got 2 free music
  newspapers.

       Rode back to my friend's house, hung out, he showed me how to play
  the sport "hurling".  (Its an major Irish sport, he just came back from
  Ireland, and the sport totally rocks.  Its like a mixture of field hockey
  and rugby.)  Played with some hot wheels (I NEEDED MATCHES TO MAKE A
  TOTALLY REALISTIC ACCIDENT SCENE, but _no_, my friend wouldn't let me use
  them.)

       I went to a local shopping center with my friend around 5 or so, got
  a big can of Arizona Ice Tea, a can of Dr. Pepper, and a Choco-taco, went
  to a playground nearby, and just sat, ate, and went down the slides
  backwords and did flips and cool stuff like that.

       I came home around 7 or so, did nothing besides watch tv.  I
  masturbated around 8 or so (a mixture of Alt.sex.stories, and a really
  nice looking Meterologist on The Weather Channel (Yes, it was a chick.
  Sharon Reseultan.))  Finished cleaning my room and watched the news at
  Ten.  There was a punk rock riot in New York City today, too.

       The only thing that I regret about the day, is "hacking" my friends
  answering machine.

       Around 11 or so, I was deafly bored.  She has been in Hong Kong
  since last Saturday, and doesn't come back for a few more days.  I called
  up, starting pressing keys, and after about 15-20 calls, I got the code.

       *PROBLEM*

       I got through, and hear, "You have 29 new messages."

       Uh-oh.

       *ANOTHER PROBLEM*

       20 of the messages are, "DOO DOO DEE DAA DOO".  (Me hitting the
  telephone keypads.)

       AND I CAN'T DELETE THE 20 MESSAGES.  I EITHER RESET THE WHOLE
  FUCKING TAPE, OR LET THEM BE.

       Now I don't know what to do.  Let them stay, and just totally lie to
  her come Tuesday.  She may already know that I like to fool around with
  phones, I might have mentioned it to her before.  I do remember that i
  tried doing that to her phone before in the past.  Also, another time,
  she was pissed off at her sister, and her sister just got a new phone and
  answering machine, and I _might_ (I stress "might", I really can't
  remember) have said to her something like, "get me her new phone number,
  and I can crack her answering machine."

       I used *67 before each call, even though I know she doesn't have
  caller ID.  I just hope she can't find out it was me.

       LAMER I AM, FOR I AM THE LAMER.

       I don't know, I don't know, I just don't fucking know what to do.
  ARG.  This is pissing me off.

       AND TO TOP IT OFF, I HAVE A FUCKING MISQUITO BITE ON THE BACK OF MY
  LEG.

       Ah.  Fuck it all, I'll get through it.

       Thats my angstful life that I lead.

//04Hiroshima: 50 Years After   (Terminal V.)

        It's August, and as everyone should know, the month of the
        bombing of Hiroshima. It was the month that Eisenhower made the
        fateful descision to bomb not one, but two major civilian
        centers in Japan. The names Hiroshima and Nagasaki are often
        used to describe descenes of mass death and destruction. The
        bombings of these two cities were the startling conclusion to
        the war in the Pacific with Japan. Now, almost 50 years after
        the bombing of Japan, many people look back on the incident and
        wonder if maybe we didn't go to far in bombing the homes of
        innocent civilians and that maybe the price of our win was much
        higher than we ever should have allowed it to go. It seems now
        that the popular sentiment is to bash the US's decision to bomb
        Japan.
        Often I bash the US for various decisions and policies, however
        it must be known that I totally agree with Eisenhowers descision
        to bomb Japan. However horrible it be that over 300,000
        innocents died in the two blasts, I think that it would have
        been more horrible had many millions died. Millions of soldiers
        continuing to fight the war, the blood of many more people would
        have been shed had we not forced Japan to stop and surrender. It
        is often said that the needs of the many outweight the needs of
        the few, and many people agree that this statement is both
        callous and coldly logical, however it is most appropriate in
        this case. It was worth the lives of 300,000 men, women and
        children in order to save the lives of millions of soldiers.
        It is often at this juncture that people get up on their
        soapboxes quivering with moral outrage, that innocents never
        asked to be involved in a war and that soldiers are paid to die
        for their countries, shouting that the deaths of innocent
        children are inexcusable. True as these words may be, it should
        be said that the deaths of soldiers are no less tragic or
        terrible than the deaths of pregnant women and small children.
        These men who were brothers, fathers, husbands, and uncles went
        off and died by the millions in foreign lands. It was the deaths
        of innocents which helped to bring about needless death on a
        larger scale. Just because they are soldiers doesn't mean their
        lives are any less valuable than a woman or childs.

        Note: All facts and figures used in the artical were obtained
        from the August 7th, 1995 issue of Time magazine.


//05Vampire Part I (Terminal Velocity)

        Morius looked out upon the fogged over San Franciso bay. Longing
filled his eyes and the ever present cloud of depression hung low about
him, thicker than the mist which enshrouded the bay. He had been a vampire,
or as they call themselves, the Kindred for far too long he felt. He felt
weary of the constant hunger which gnawed away at his soul and slowly
turned him in to something much more evil than any human could ever imagine,
slowly turning him in to the evil, amoral creature know to every one of the
Kindred and the Beast. It was because of his weariness that he felt it was
time for him to seek the respite from the horrors of his curse of living
death, a respite known as Golconda. Unfortunatly for Morius, he lacked the
will and the motivation required to reach that blessed state. He had however,
heard that if one sought out Caine, father of all vampires, and asked him,
tha Caine would reveal the secret to Golconda and allow the seeker to be
spared the journey of self discover which often marks the first part of the
ordeal required to reach Golconda. Morius shook himself out of his thoughtful
revere and calmly awaited the arrival of his first candidate for being one of
his seekers.
        Finally as the moon began it's descent which would herald the comming
of dawn, Morius' patience was rewarded by the sound of the soft footsteps of
his first candidate. Stepping into view, intent upon the young man he had been
tracking for several blocks, the hunter stopped to sniff the air so that he
might orient once again on the location of his victem. Finally after a few
moments of sniffing the air he caught the scent of his victem and started to
go off when the sudden appearence of a tall dark man stopped him. Before
speaking Morius looked over this man. A tall man, with a lean muscular build,
walked with the gait of a cat stalking it's prey and could almost be taken
for human until you saw his face. Like some many who are members of the
vampire clan Nosferatu, the man was hideously ugly and even expecting it
Morius was still aghast at this man's looks.
        " Finally you have arrived," Morius said. " I was hoping you would
have arrived sooner than this, but beggers or course, may not be choosers."
        " Who are you to be awaiting my arrival?", the man asked.
        " I sir am Morius and you, if I am not mistaken, are non other than
the Nosferatu named Jasper," Morius replied.
        " And to what do I owe the honour of your interest?" the man replied.
        " I am seeking a strong man, capable in both mind and body to seek out
something very dear to me. I would ask that you would search for our fabled
father known as Caine. Do not worry, I plan on rewarding you for work by
offering you all my worldly goods, which if the reputation of the knowledge of
the Nosferatu is overstated, you must assuredly know the amount, " Morius said
        " Indeed your wealth is known to me, and a considerable amoun it is.
However the task you request of me boarders on impossible as know one, human,
Kindred or otherwise, save Caine, knows his location. I fear that you would be
wasting my time and your money on this fools errand as surely you know that my
sense of honour would not allow me to stop looking for him until I have
completed the terms of our contract, and I hate to breake it to you, but I
have better ways to spend the rest of eternity," Jasper replied.
        Looking down at the ground, seemingly contemplating the cracks in the
pavement Morius let loose a deep sigh and looked to the sky as if asking some
divine power to give him the strength to continue the conversation. After a
few moments spent collecting his thoughts and his patience, he turned around
and gazed at Jasper. Finally he spoke.
        " I am privy to information that there is a journal which contains
the last know whereabouts of Caine and which will allow for you to check
the most recent location in it, following a trail of sorts," Morius answered.
After a moment he said, " With this information the quest would become
feasble and you and the others would be able to find him for me. In exchange
I will give you a share of my worldly goods."
         " Others," Jasper replied in a questioning tone. " What others would
these be? I thought you meant me and me alone."
         " I highly doubt you would be able to accomplish such a formidable
task on your own. What I am asking you to do would require a large array of
varying talents. There are two others. A man from the Gangrel beast clan
know as Argos, and the other is a rather petite woman who is from the
Tremere wizard clan and she is called Simone. It is with those two you shall
be traveling and with those two you shall be sharing the money, " Morius
explained.
         " I see, " Jasper said, " but when do we get this information?"
         " You shall receive the information for your objective when I have
brought all of you together in one place," replied Morius in quiet tones.
         " And when is that? "
         " Tomorrow night, " replied Morius and with that he walked off in
to the shadows of the alley disappearing from view.
        Jasper looked at the sky and cursed when he saw it was slowly getting
lighter with the impending dawn. Angry that he would be going to bed hungry,
he ran down the street towards his haven so that he might be protected by the
suns killing light and live to see the night once more.

        To be continued....

//06How to Piss Off Someone (Belial)

The first thing that you can do to totally piss someone off is to
take a can of spray paint, (red is a nice color), and spray racial
slurs all over their house... Now this is a great way to insult and to
piss a lot of people off at the same time... and your true enjoyment
comes when the home owners get jumped by the linch mob that saw all your
slurs spraypainted in red all over the house...

The next way to piss someone off real bad is to slaughter their
animals in strange, abnormal ways... But, in order to do this you have
to make sure that the people you plan on angering have animals to
slaughter... Now, what you can do is, if the animal is small, feed it to
the blender and the put it in a plastic bag and set it on the persons
porch with a simple note saying, "Fluffy", or whatever the animals name is.
If the animal is big (horse) then get an good, sharp axe and do what the
blender would do to the smaller animal... then get a garbage bag and stuff
the animal inside of it, and once again leave a small note saying, "Big
Fluffy", or whatever the large animals name was... This will have the effect
of really pissing the person off so make sure you are out of the area when
the people find the bag or bags if they have more than 1 animal...

3. Kinda old fashioned, but you can set a burning cross on the persons
front yard... Then, for effect, dress up in a white sheet, make sure the
sheet is white because a pink and flowery sheet won't work right at all,
then prop a pillow case on your head, dance around singing songs full of
racial insults... Now, if the person, or people you are trying to piss off
are black then wear a bullet-proof vest under the sheet, because you are
going to get shot... If the people/person you plan on pissing off are from
"the country" then wear two bullet-proof vests, because you are going to
get shot with a bigger gun, probably a shot gun... Now this really pisses
a lot of people so count on getting shot a bunch of times.. In fact, what
you can do is have one of your friends, one that you don't really like all
that much, dress up for you, that way you don't have to get shot and you
can piss the people off, as well as your friend...

4. For the next way to piss someone off you are going to need a few
supplies... here is a short list:

a. few boards (about 4 or 5)
b. a bunch of two-by-fours (40 or so)
c. a few boxes of nails (10 penny would do it)
d. a hammer
e. a car with a loud stereo
f. a small log (about 2-3 inches think. 3 feet tall)
g. a old t-shirt
h. some gas
i. a lighter

ok, now, real late at night go to persons house, park your car
across the street and blast some music, not rap, most suburban family's
don't like it and they may call the cops on you and that would piss you
off, not the desired effect... Some Chicago would be great... maybe some
Journey, even a little White Snake would do the job... Ok, the music is
going to distract the people from what you are going to do... First take
the boards, the nails, and the hammer... Nail a board up over the front
and back door, and over any big windows... Next, use the two-by-fours and
nail them up over all the remaining windows except one... Make sure the
house is totally secure from anyone getting in or out, except from the
one window you left open... (make sure the music is still on) Alright,
your almost done... take your old t-shirt and wrap it around the log you
got... then drench the t-shirt in the gas and set it on fire... Now take
your torch and throw it into the window you left alone... now really fast
board up the window... run to your car, turn the music down and yell real
loud, "Do you smell something burning dear?" then skid out and drive away.
This is really really really really going to piss these people off, why
cuz they are stuck inside of a burning house, with NO escape, so try to
be out of the state, or even better the country within the hour...

That ends part one of this small but enlightening series of "Ways to Piss
People Off Really Really Bad!" Written and produced solely for your enjoyment
by the hand of belial...for more crazy ways to piss people off call:
Avalon at 9o8.739.4274...

//07To Live is to Die (Belial)

         What is this life? What is the answer? Can you answer, you, do
you have the power to answer this? Take care and word this properly, for
in my opinion there is no answer to this question. Why ask then, why not?

        Life. It is beautiful, in its savage glory. But, when does it go to
far? What gives another man, man being mankind, the power to tell another man
what to do, or how to act. What makes one man more powerful than another?

        These are all questions I ask the world and myself. Do I know the
answer? In my heart, I know what's right to me. I am a man and I am an
individual, my ways are not your ways and my answers are not the same as
yours, but does that make my answers any less valid?

        This life, in my opinion, is great, great because of what it is.
Man isn't evil or good, man is both. Man is the perfect union of total evil
and total good. That is how we survive and prosper. In my opinion there is
no good at all, because somewhere it has been effected by evil. Evil is not
bad, evil is natural, just as natural as good.

        With life there always follows death. Leading me to ask, what is
death? And, where does the soul, if there is a soul, go when the body dies?
This question is just as complex as life itself, and probably, as in life,
there is no answer to death. And, with the little knowledge I have, I know
that life, great as it is, and death, great as it is, has no real meaning
for me at all. I am born, I live, and I die, all with no meaning. Maybe the
meaning will be shown to me when I die, maybe not, but I am secure knowing
that life is no more than death, and with death a life without meaning,
ends...

(------)

These are just a few thoughts I have had... No, I am not suicidal or anything
like that... =) Anyway, if you would like to get in contact with me just
call my board, Avalon at .908.739.4274. Thanx, laterz...

//08Jump on the Bandwagon (Edicius)

        I just sat down, and re-read alot of old issues of Pez.  Pez is
   definally one of the best 'zines ever created.  Pez was just the epitome
   of a text file 'zine.  Editorials and Commentary's on a range of
   subjects, great short stories, and little rants and ramblings on
   everything.  Anyway, thats not the point.  I just re-read Murmur's
   article on Liberalism in Pez # 24.  I'm not going to re-write it, read it
   yourself.  But the one part that struck me the most, summerized of
   course, is when he said that "no one has any balls, no one will go out
   and buy an album without hearing anything from it beforehand.  alot of
   people follow a blind trend."  thats basically what he said in one part.
   (sorry to murmur if i totally missed the point.  :>)

[----]

        i find this to be _very_ true.  in my area, very few people know the
   hell half of the bands i listen to are.  i've had my friends look at my
   cd's and basically go "duuh."
        the other day, i went to a record store near my house, one of the
   few places i can get smaller records (dead milkmen, they might be giants,
   etc), basically, anything i can't get at the wiz.  (the big record store
   around here.)   i only had about 3 bucks on me, and i saw a pavement
   sticker i wanted to get.  these two chicks walk in, and buy the new
   michael jackson single, "you are not alone", and some jodeci single.
   they looked at the sticker, gave me a strange look, and had no idea who
   the hell pavement was.
        in my yearbook last year, they had a survey.  one of the questions
   was "what is your favorite album".  the top four picks were: pearl jam;
   vitalogy, green day; dookie, nirvana; unplugged, pearl jam; ten.  with an
   "honarable mention" going to nirvana; nevermind.
        ACK.  pearl jam, green day, and nirvana?  what the hell is this
   crud?  where's frank black?  where's pavement?  where's they might be
   giants?  WHERE'S WEEZER GOD DAMNIT?
        those bands aren't on there, for one simple reason: no one has heard
   of them.
        alot of people in my school jumped on a bandwagon, at one point or
   another.  i admitantly have done that in the past, too.  but i've seen
   the light.  um.  yeah.
        the worst part about bandwagons, is that they happen _very_ late.
   matthew sweet didn't get overly popular until after his 5th album.  blues
   traveler had 4 albums before they made it big.  everyone calls hootie and
   the blowfish the "hottest new band", when they've been around for 10
   years.  everyone thinks that "cracked rear view" is their only album,
   when they've had 2 indie releases.
        don't get me wrong.  i love hootie and the blowfish.  i heard them
   on local radio stations about a year before they made mtv.  last summer,
   about 2 months before "hold my hand" became popular, i heard their album,
   and loved it.  if i had a cd player at that point, i would have gotten
   the cd then.  but i still got the cd before most of the people i know got
   it.
        (in febuary, when the new hootie album comes out, i'm the first to
   buy it.  :>)
        i went out, bought my frank black albums, without ever hearing any
   song.  i bought pavement's wowie zowie, i didn't even know who pavement
   was.  the point is, i don't follow trends, the people are my school do,
   thus, i am cooler.
        well, take away the cooler part.  i just have better taste in music.

//09Edi's List o' Cd's (Edicius)
 . .. a public service message from:

                      $$$$$&ø                      ,&$$$&,
                      $$$$ ,&$$$&, $$$$$&. ,&$$$&, $$$^`$$        .
                      $$$  $$$^$$$ $$$^$$$ $$$^$$$ $$$   `
            .o&$$$^   $$$  $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ `$$$$$,
           $$$$$$,    $$$  $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$   ,`$$$ $$,    :
           `$$$$$$$,  $$$  $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$j$$$ ,$$ $$$ $^$$,  &
____________ `$$$$$$$j$$$, $$$j$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$$$$ $$$ $$$ . `$$,j$ _bl.blade!__
              `$$$'^`$$$$$,`$$$$$' $$$ $$$ $$$^$$$ $$$j$$$    `$$$'
               $'    `$$$$$&.          `$$ $$'     `$$$$$'     `$'
               :                        `$ $'       `$$$'       :
               .                         : :         `$'
                                         .            :
                                           .                    .
               .                                      .

        Hi.  I figured I should enlighten everyone out there reading this
   'zine.  So, in my ongoing quest to help everyone, here is my list of cd's
   you should go out and buy, and cd's you should go out and scrap, burn the
   tape if you have them, too.  (Yes, I know this is a semi ripoff of Black
   Francis' list Pez # 22, sorry bF.  :>)

[----]

        Get these cd's, right now.

        Weezer; Weezer
        Civ; Set Your Goals
        Every Pixies Album ever made.
        Frank Black; His self-tittled debut, Teenager of the Year is pretty
   good too.
        Every They Might Be Giants Album ever made.
        Hootie and the Blowfish; Cracked Rear View (You can join the small
   group of six million people to buy this record!)
        Smashing Pumpkins; Siamese Dream
        Violent Femmes; Violent Femmes & Add It Up
        Swinging Utters; The Streets of San Fransico
        The Soundtrack to the movie of Judgement Night
        Better Then Ezra; Delux
        Pavement; Wowie Zowie & Slanted and Enchanted
        Cracker; Their self titled debut & Kerosene Hat
        Chucklehead; Big Wet Kiss
        Any U2 Album ever made.
        Cranberries; No Need to Argue
        Mighty Mighty Bosstones; Don't Know How to Party

        (There's more you should buy, but, well, this is a good start.)

[----]

        Burn and avoid these cd's.

        Any Green Day or Offspring Cd.
        That "Best of the 90's" Cd advertised on TV.  (Including great 90's
   hits like "Ice Ice Baby", "I'm Too Sexy", and "Unbelieveable".)
        Hammer; The first one, with "Can't Touch This" on it, and Too Legit
   To Quit.  There's a few songs on The Funky Headhunter that I kinda like.
   :>)
        Every Hole Cd ever made.
        All of the Nirvana Cd's, except for Nevermind.  This includes
   Incesticide, In Utero, and the Unplugged Cd.
        Any Cd by Heavy D and the Boyz.

[----]

        There, you are now enlighted.  Your soul has been sanctified.

//10My Favorite Messages (Edicius)
here's two messages that i captured a _long_ time ago, that i thought
were both pretty cool.  :>

[----]

dATE: 10:40 pm  Sat Jul 15, 1995       nUMBER : 69 oF 81
fROM: Rattle                           bASE   : [Phear] H/P Mags
tO  : Hooch                            rEFER #: 43
sUBJ: Re: Hootie                       rEPLIES: nONE
sTAT: sENT                             oRIGIN : lOCAL

E>     GOOD FOR LAUGHS?!  ARE YOU JOKING?!  ITS GREAT TO JERK OFF TO!@
H>
H> why do i have the feeling you're not the kind of person i'd want to meet? <g
what?  edi?!?@

hes just your average little chubby red-head who jerks off too much..

--- Renegade v10-05 Exp
 * Origin: .oO) tLoRaH (Oo.  [6o9]698-i358 - 2 Nodes - 5 Gigs (173:609/1)

[----]

dATE: 10:48 pm  Sat Jul 15, 1995       nUMBER : 74 oF 83
fROM: Rattle                           bASE   : [Phear] H/P Mags
tO  : Edicius                          rEFER #: 62
sUBJ: Re: Hootie                       rEPLIES: nONE
sTAT: sENT                             oRIGIN : lOCAL

W> hey you guys are good for jerking off..whoops i mean for laughs.
E>
E>     hey baby.  you know, if you come to dummercon, i'm sure you and me can g
E> a secluded place somewhere for a few minutes.
Yea.. you could go somewhere alone and you could make a move on her and she
could laugh at you..

btw-- that was really pathetic tom..

--- Renegade v10-05 Exp
 * Origin: .oO) tLoRaH (Oo.  [6o9]698-i358 - 2 Nodes - 5 Gigs (173:609/1)

//11Review: The Warped Tour (Edicius)

         The Warped Tour/Stone Pony, Asbury Park, NJ/August 18th, 1995.

[----]

       "Extreme music meets extreme sports."

       That was the theme of the concert, spawned from the promoters of the
  Lollapaloza-type touring show.  They summed up the concert to a key.

       13 Bands, professional skaters and bikers, and great times, all for
  15 bucks.  Can you ask for a better deal?  Well, I can, I won the tickets
  from a local radio station.  :>

       Armed with my guest pass, my good friend Steve, and 2 packs of
  Starburst, I make my way inside about 2 o'clock, about 2 hours after the
  thing started.  Luckily, I didn't miss much.  Just Wizo (a second-stage
  band from Germany), and I forget who played the main stage at the point,
  I believe it was Fluf and Orange 9mm.

       A punk band from California, called Swinging Utters, took the stage.
  They were pretty good, very interesting, to say the least. They played
  many songs off of their last album, "Streets of San Fransico" <see review
  on the same cd.>  "Teenage Genocide", "Tied down, spit on", and
  "Storybook Disease", were three of their songs that got the most reaction
  from the crowd, and well deserved, too.

       I hung around, watched the skaters and bikers doing some _very_
  impressive things, and finnally, 3:30 came.  Civ would be coming on the
  second stage in 20 minutes, so I got a good standing spot, about 10 feet
  from the stage, and soon after, the place was packed.

       I came to the concert only really wanting to see Civ, so I was
  estatic.  They did a pretty quick, but intense, set, including their
  songs "Boring Summer", "Set Your Goals", "Can't Wait One Minute More",
  and a few others.  Civ was definally the most anticipated band for the
  second stage, and they showed everyone why.

       During "Can't Wait One Minute More", the lead singer, Civ, said,
  "I'm old, and I'm fucking tired.  If you want to sing, just hop over the
  guys in blue in front of the stage (guards), do a belly roll onto the
  stage, and grab the microphone."  One person actually did go up there and
  sang with the band.

       Civ left the stage, alittle earlier then most people would have
  liked, but many people were pleased regardless.

       The next band to take the second stage, was "Tilt".  A hardcore band
  from California, I believe.  Personally, I didn't like them very much,
  but that is largely due to the fact that their audio was terrible, and
  the microphone went out at least 5 times during their 40 minute set.

       "Sick of it all" was the last band that I stayed to see.  They are a
  very good hardcore band, and were highly anticipated, due to the fact
  that they are originally from the area.  They did alot of really good
  songs, but during their last song (for the life of me, I forget the
  name), someone only a few feet from me got trampled on.  Scary stuff.

       Unfortunally I didn't see any of the tour headliners, L7, Quicksand,
  and others.  The concert was still very good, regardless.  From what I
  was told, the second stage bands, especially Civ and Sick of It All, put
  on a better show then most of the main stage bands.

