_____________________________________________________________________________
---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#018------

                               Slap My Fro #1
                         Introduced by Jason Farnon

"What exactly is jive?" you ask.  Well it's how a brother talks!  It's also
great fun when you are feeling miserable.  Whenever something awful or
depressing happens, don't despair, jive it!  An assignment from your boss,
an obituary, or statistics on the AIDS epidemic can all be jived!  This
is the first in a series of many, many files converted to jive.  This one
comes one of our favorite posters on alt.tasteless, Trashcan Man. 

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Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: Kooky Campus Activists.
Date: 21 May 1994 04:45:40 GMT
Organization: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Gang Bang

Yes, Columbia University is full of wacko revolutionary types who folly 
in thinking they can actually change the world they live in. One of the 
most ardent of these is one Udit Kondal, who has been censured (and 
nearly expelled) from campus for leading an ill-advised building 
takeover. Anyway, you'd think this guy would be a real bleeding heart, so 
what to my surprise when I found in a campus publication called "Folkus" an 
essay by him titled: "I Sexually Assaulted a Young Girl Our Age..."

Here's an excerpt:

"On this night, I once again recall the following act of hate: When I was
13 years old, a friend (Chris) and I sexually assaulted a young girl our
age. The two of us asked her to come into a small apartment building
laundry room. When we entered the room, we closed the door and told her we
wanted "some of her." I held her from behind as Chris grabbed and sucked
on her breasts through her shirt. I then urged Chris to pull up her shirt
and bra and "get to the real thing." I remember she did not say a word,
probably too startled, too frightened to say anything. We then pulled down
her shorts and underwear. I proceeded to take out my erect penis and
attempted to penetrate her anus.  SHe began to cry. She struggled
vehemently. I could not enter her so we decided to let her go. She then
ran out of the laundomat..."

This guy's good enough to be a member of Phi Gamma Delta.

Not being able to resist, I decided I needed to run this excerpt through 
my jive text filter- and what did it output?

On dis night, ah' once again recall de followin' act uh hate, dig dis:
When ah' wuz 13 years old, some homey (Chris) and ah' sexually assaulted
some yung goat our age.  What it is, Mama! De two uh us ax'ed ha' to mosey
on down into some little-ass apartment buildin' laundry room.  'S coo',
bro. When we entered da damn room, we closed da damn doo' and told ha' we
wants'ed "some uh her.  Ah be baaad..." ah' held ha' from behind as Chris
grabbed and sucked on ha' breasts drough ha' shirt. ah' den urged Chris
t'pull down ha' shirt and bra and "get t'de real wahtahmellun." ah'
rememba' she dun did not say some wo'd, probably too startled, too
frightened t'say anydin'. We den pulled waaay down ha' sho'ts and
underwear.  Ah be baaad... ah' proceeded t' snatch out mah' erect penis
and attempted t'penetrate ha' anus.  SHe began t'cry.  Slap mah fro! She
struggled vehemently.  Slap mah fro! ah' could not enta' ha' so we decided
t'let ha' go. She den ran out uh de laundomat. 

I cant help but ROFL when I reread this new, improved passage...

Trashcan "These Views Do Not Necessarily Reflect Those Of Columbia" Man.

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