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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                What's Black and White and BS all Over?
                ---------------------------------------

        Here's a thought:  I was reading the personal ads last night and
before I start, I should clear the air before judgment ensues.  I do not
read personal ads as a means to seek out the future Ms. S/DWF.  We ALL read
them. As much as we would all like to claim that we have NEVER seen part of
an episode of Rolanda or even CONSIDERED buying a suit in Target because
under good lighting it didn't look THAT @*#&! cheap, be honest:  we look
at car wrecks, we wish ill on our best friend just because they have better
hair or skin, and we read personal ads.  With that said.
 	I do enjoy reading the ads for sociological reasons.  I mean, how
often to you get to look deep into the wants and needs of a person that you
may have met at a bar and get see in black & white exactly how shallow their
desires can be in five lines or less? In all of the time I have been
conducting this research into the soulless husks of humanity, something new
stood out.  I've already noticed that there's the "I don't want to die alone"
quality of ads from women over 38. On the other hand, to give something back
to the older personal ad crowd, the ads from those over 40 were more honest
and sounded more fun.  At least if they do have kids, they're old enough to
be out of the house and never call anyway.  I noticed something about
unusual about the "under 30 and ready to give up now" ads.
       Interestingly, it seems that the age of 25 is usually the youngest
age of men that are sought by women between the ages of 18 and 35.  Must
have something to do with car insurance rates.  The truly unusual aspect I
noticed is that the descriptions of the author's looks and activities
didn't make any sense to me. Most women and men described themselves as
"good-looking", "attractive", "slender", etc.  As well, they all seem to be
into dancing, concerts, hiking, camping, clubs, etc.  Now tell me if this
makes any sense: If there are these "good-looking" people at clubs and
hiking, why don't they meet anyone there?  I mean, these are the folks who
are out at the activities where they are more likely to meet people, and
they are apparently "good looking" enough to attract at least the shallow
and drunk, let alone real prospects.  So no matter how hard I looked, I
couldn't find many ads that had people who don't get out much and despise
the outdoors.  Wouldn't these be the people who need personal the most?
        As well, to point the finger in both directions, women are too
picky and men are too shallow.  Women will have NOTHING to do with a guy
who drinks, smokes, and (god-forbid) plays games.  Men want the dream-date
(thanks again guys for adding to the myth that we ARE that stupid and vain):
small, petite, attractive, athletic, and a whole batch of myriad physical
qualities that made it seem like physiological profile of a sexy serial
killer. Christ guys, why not be perfectly honest and throw in "easy",
"enjoys one-night stands", and "must LOVE football".
        How do these people perceive the whole concept of these ads?  Do
they think that the perfect person has been stretched out on their living
room floor with a highlight marker seeking them out?  Do they expect that
this god-send of a mate has been idly waiting and saving themselves for the
day that their true love decided to spend 30 cents a line to fulfill their
destiny together?  In a world where the average 14 year-old is no longer
saving themselves for MARRIAGE anymore, why in GOD'S NAME do we think our
soul-mate is waiting for the three letter acronym of SWM before even
dreaming that love could exist?  Sheeesh!    
        As well, I find that I couldn't respond to any of them.  I either
failed the "tall", "muscular", "nonsmoking", "fit", "active", "blond",
"dancing and related activities", and "outdoorsy" requirements.  That means
that despite the fact I'm "reasonably attractive", "moderately fit",
"non-active", "actively smoking", "people hating", "computer oriented", with
a "stable, yet "Grapes of Wrath" salary-range profession", I can't reply.
        I want to see the honest ads.  I want to read "average looks, I go
outdoors only to get to my car, don't meet anyone because I'm to drunk at
bars and work with married/engaged women, and just want to hang out with
someone and not do a decathlon every weekend".
        Far as I'm concerned, most personal ads remind me of people who if
they were granted 3 wishes they'd wish for a million wishes.  Dumb asses.

Capone
<capone@dimensional.com>

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