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=  F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.  =
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                           St00pid Thangs Part 1
                           ---------------------

        These are quotes from the back of PC Magazine. On the last
page of each issue, they always put humorous quotes, funny pictures,
great typos, all pertaining to computers. Here are some of the best
ones...         *Note* These are not MY typos.. this is how they
                       appeared in whatever source...

"Intel said it will honor all customer request to replace 
pentium chips, free of charge and no questions asked. Intel 
will provide guidance for do-in-yourself pentium installers."
                                -Contra Costa Times

The latest in portable powerpacks: "Zenith Data Systems 
486/SLC Notebook computer: Includes a handy carrying case, an 
AC adaptor, and removable Nickel Metal High Dried Battery Pack."
                                -Layman's Guide Catalog

"You can use [Eudora] to tell Hillary just what you think 
about health care in America. Try president@whitehouse.gov."
                                -Qualcomm Advertisement

"Like your personal desk, your WP Office mail box can be 
divided into two sections: One bin for outgoing items, one for 
incoming items, and one for personal items."
                                -WP Office Manual

Help Wanted
"Wisconsin's premier system integrator is looking for 
qualified people... requirements include strong hardware and 
software skills... this is an exciting, challenging, tough, 
and demeaning position."        -The Chicago Tribune

Want Ad
"Immediate Hire: 40,000 - 50,000 dollars. Division of high 
profile CO. Seeking a programmer analyst with 305 years UNIX 
experience."                    -The Ft Collins Coloradoan

From an Anderson Consulting Survey:
* Percentage of Canadians who say they approve of the 
  Information Superhighway: 62.7

* Percentage of Canadians who say they know what the 
  Information Superhighway is: 54.4
                                -Financial Post Magazine

"Cleaning the Lens"
* Never touch the lens or use anything to touch the lens.

* To remove fingerprints, or dust, etc. from the lens, wipe 
the lens thoroughly with a cotton swab.
                                -Mitsumi CDRom Drive Manual

Number 4 from "Top Ten Features Included in Word 6.0":
        "AutoCorrect- Program corrects your most frequently 
         typos as you type."
                                -Windows Sources

"Right now, 386 chips are two generations behind. The latest 
 chip, which some call the 586, is officially called the 
 _Plentium_... The _Plentium_ chips are new, are in somewhat 
 short supply, and are expensive. If you are dealing with lots 
 of data... go for the speediest chip you can afford."
                                -Physician's Management


"One quick way to get extra workspace in conventional memory, 
is to add these lines to your config.sys file:

        device
        c:¬dos¬himem.sys
        dos
                                -John C. Dvorak
                                -San Francisco Chronicle

"After freeways buckled, buildings collapsed, and phone lines 
were cut off, personal computers linked to online message 
centers were often the only means of obtaining critical 
information."                   -The LA Times

"Dictionary of the Living World:... See animals that have been 
extinct and made the population climb back to safety."
                                -Tiger Software Catalog

"Notice to User: By breaking the seal of this envelope, you 
accept the terms of the enclosed license agreement enclosed."
                                -Adobe Font Pack for Windows

"Expense It! Version 2.0 report functions include:
        * Weekly expense reports.
        * Custom expense reports.
        * Income tax perpetration."
                                -Surplus Software International Catalog
                                                  
"Slide the exit paper support in until it snaps securely in 
place.
"NOTE: The paper exit support does not actually attach to the 
printer."                       -Canon BJ230 Quickstart Guide

=-=
Selling Point of a Product: Articles are written in plain 
english, not high-tech computer language thats hard to 
understand.

Excerpt from manual: According to Okidata, here's how you 
install the second paper tray in the OL400 Laser Printer: 
"With keeping the printer in a single hand, insert a minus 
screw driver to the square hole of blind board, turn the screw 
driver quietly at the arrow direction of 'A' and then remove 
the fluke of the blind board at the arrow direction of 'B' 
with removing the fluke from the base frame."
=-=

"Run your DOS, Windows, and OS/2 programs faster than ever, 
together, in the same graphical environment. Multitask 
powerful applications with fear - without slowing down!"
                                -IBM OS/2 for Windows Ad

"Your optional 500-Sheet Paper tray assembly is covered under 
your printer's one year warranty, or 90 days, whichever is 
longer."                        -HP Laserjet 4 Manual


Compiled by Demonika

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= Chemical Persuasion  203.324.0894    Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455   =   
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= E.L.F.        (NUP)  314.272.3426    Misery              318.625.4532   =
= Dungeon Sys. Inc.    410.263.2258    Psykodelik Images   407.834.4576   =
= Paradise Lost        414.476.3181           (Your Board Here!@#$!)      =
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