NUMBER OF LINES: 999
001=Usr:0 Null User         06/30/87 20:34  Msg:0 Call:0 Lines:19
  1$If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
  2$************************* 26 JAN 90 **************************************
  3$Welcome to BWMS II (BackWater Message System II)  Mike Day System operator
  4$**************************************************************************
  5$GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS II IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
  6$                    PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
  7$BWMS II was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS II is a privately 
  8$owned and operated system which is currently open for use by the general
  9$public.  No restrictions are placed on the use of the system.  As the
 10$system is privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all
 11$messages which I may find offensive.  Because of the limited size of the
 12$system, it will be periodically purged of messages (only 999 lines of data
 13$can be saved).  To leave a message, type 'ENTER'.  Use ctrl/C to get out
 14$the ENTER mode.  The message is automatically stored.  If after entering
 15$the message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to
 16$replace the line.  To exit from the system, type 'BYE' then hang up.
 17$Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
 18$**************************************************************************
 19$ 
002=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      01/26/90 20:34  Msg:4898 Call:27090 Lines:3
 20 However well organized the foundations of life may be,
 21 life must always be full of risks. -- Havelock Ellis
 22 **************************************************************
003=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  01/26/90 22:23  Msg:4899 Call:27093 Lines:9
 23 &*&*&*&*'s
 24 AT THE TOP!   
 25  
 26 It's been awhile since I've been at the top, and here I am on the first
 27 complete disk of the 90's.  
 28  
 29 An Astral Dreamer
 30 &*&*&*&*'s
 31  
004=Usr:385 Steve Culliton    01/26/90 23:36  Msg:4900 Call:27094 Lines:4
 32 -------------------------------   ------------------------------
 33 First new disk of the 90's?  Heck I want to be remembered also!
 34 -------------------------------   ------------------------------
 35 And what a bonus, almost at the TOP!
005=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par  01/27/90 01:42  Msg:4902 Call:27096 Lines:11
 36 *%@#*)#^)*$@(_)(#%(#@^()#$(^#$(^#(^@#(_)(@)_%(_)~%(@%(_)%(~_)%(#(_)(%!@%(_)(%
 37 Mikey, you have connections at Borland - could you forward a big thanks
 38 from me to Jeff Brown in Quattro Customer support - he discovered an
 39 undocumented but important bit of information for printing from QP to
 40 postscript printers, but I was not able to thank him since he left the
 41 information in a phone message. Anyway, if you could I would appreciate
 42 it - competent help on answer lines is so rare these days...
 43 voyeur: How goes the new box? Not even a peep (or just a small peep)
 44 out of you. Can you make it to the PCS meeting on the 1st of Feb???
 45 *_)#*$)%$#)^(_)(_)@#(%_@(%%() L'homme sans Parity *(%@#(%@((%@)_%*@%@#%(@(%)@
 46  
006=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth     01/27/90 12:21  Msg:4904 Call:27101 Lines:20
 47 \/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/\
 48 About the 6-year-old Programmers...
 49      My brother first got an Apple II whe was 12 years old, and then 
 50 he found out about modems and BBSs when her was 14.  In fact, one of the 
 51 first BBSs he was on was the first BackWater.  Because he didn't want to 
 52 look like a "juvie", he got himself a dictionary and thesaurus and learned
 53 to type and to spell and to sound like an educated human being.  In fact,
 54 I'm grateful to the BBSs for that -- he had been in a phonetic reading 
 55 program that has screwed up his spelli, I thought beyond repair.
 56      My Point:  If he had been insulted and ragged on fot getting those
 57 first attempts exactly correct, he would never have made a further effort
 58 and U of O would not have the excellent RA they now have.  Please give the
 59 "juvies" a little slack; just enough for them to either learn something or
 60 hang themselves.  Think about it.
 61                                       Blue Rose
 62 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\/-\/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-\/-\/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
 63 /\-/\-/\-/\-
 64 Sorry about the typos:  new roomie, new computer, lousy keyboard.
 65 'he', 'when','spelling', 'fo.
 66 /\-/\-/\-/\-
007=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig     01/27/90 12:42  Msg:4905 Call:27102 Lines:14
 67 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | I Be Back. Read Last Disk Fer Detailsssssssss
 68  
 69 What are even scarier than the six year programmers are the 20 year old
 70 programmers who've never grown up.  Think about it.  A six year old at least
 71 has the chance to become a responsible modemer, and besides, they usually
 72 don't have as much experience in twitdom as some of the 20 year olds I know
 73 (some of whom are employed as computer programmers developing the software
 74 the unsuspecting public buys, really scary huh?).
 75  
 76 The point of this statement being (I assume nobody could get the drivel
 77 above) that the younger generation out there at least has time to learn
 78 responsibility before they learn to do anything really destructive.
 79  
 80 KKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!!!!
008=Usr:137 The Professor     01/27/90 13:37  Msg:4906 Call:27103 Lines:5
 81 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 82 The Professor returns.......(I know, big deal.)
 83 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 84  
 85  
009=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      01/27/90 13:55  Msg:4907 Call:27105 Lines:4
 86 L'homme, The message is on it's way through the electronic
 87 pathways and byways. With luck, it won't get lost or side
 88 tracked to some small out of the way bit sink like BW <g>.
 89 ********************************************************
010=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig     01/27/90 16:44  Msg:4908 Call:27108 Lines:15
 90 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Survey Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 91  
 92 Enquiring Minds Want To Know:
 93  
 94 Who all here saw Erik The Viking? What's you think of it?
 95  
 96 Does anyone here finish reading the old disk when it is replaced by a
 97 new disk?  If not, what's the point of leaving final messages?
 98  
 99 What's the difference between a duck?
100  
101 Whadd'ya think of re-introducing wolves into the wilderness?
102  
103 KKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | >R  Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!
104  
011=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth     01/28/90 11:57  Msg:4909 Call:27121 Lines:10
105 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\
106  
107 20-year-olds are pretty bed... I lived with four for a while!
108  
109 I wanted to see Erik the Viking, but they canceled it to sw a fight...
110 *I* read the last disk, so I think last messages are pretty important...
111 Re-introducing wolves is a goothing.  "Predators Keep the Balance!"
112  
113 (On that first line I meantAd... I still need to learn to type...)
114 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/-\/\-Blue Rose-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\
012=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig     01/28/90 13:55  Msg:4910 Call:27125 Lines:1
115@ 
013=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig     01/28/90 18:31  Msg:4911 Call:27137 Lines:3
116  
117 Awright! Where the hell is everyone?!??!
118  
014=Usr:4 Milchar           01/29/90 03:17  Msg:4912 Call:27145 Lines:2
119 We're hiding, KR.  We're here, but we're hiding.  :-)
120  
015=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  01/29/90 09:42  Msg:4913 Call:27147 Lines:5
121 {Whispered}  "What was that?"
122 {Loud whisper}  "Is it time to come out yet?"
123 {Silence}
124 {Quite whisper}  "I guess not."
125  
016=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth     01/29/90 17:41  Msg:4914 Call:27156 Lines:3
126 If you made the last "real" entry 24 hours ago, is it bad taste to put on 
127 another one?
128 /\-/\-/\-/\-Blue Rose
017=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock   01/29/90 18:55  Msg:4915 Call:27158 Lines:1
129@YES.
018=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      01/29/90 20:32  Msg:4916 Call:27159 Lines:10
130 It's not bad taste as long as you don't hog the disk. 
131 What will get people mad at you is using their character without
132 permission. Other than that, they'll let you know if it is iritating.
133 ********************************************************************
134 If you are having trouble getting through, keep trying. We seem to
135 be experiencing phone line problems. It looks like the old problem
136 has returned. Hopefully it will be cleared up soon. In the meantime,
137 if you get a busy signal, try calling again. you may get through after 
138 couple of tries.
139 *********************************CM***********************************
019=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/02/90 14:02  Msg:4917 Call:27185 Lines:7
140 &*&*&*&*'s
141 Looks lik BWMSII  has returned from the land of dead telephone lines.
142 Perhaps this was all a plot by the enemys of the NET...
143  
144 An Astral Dreamer (Am I to hard to understand?)
145 &*&*&*&*'s
146  
020=Usr:7 Leonard Erickson  02/02/90 18:17  Msg:4918 Call:27204 Lines:6
147 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
148 The NET has no enemies... 
149  
150  
151 ....left.
152 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
021=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig     02/02/90 19:41  Msg:4919 Call:27206 Lines:9
153 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Enemies, No. Rivals, Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
154  
155 AD- You are perfectly understandable.  One only needs to go without sleep
156 for 3 days before reading your messages.
157  
158 Question:  Since such classes as Art Appreciation and Literature
159 Appreciation exist, why are there no classes on Alchohol Appreciation?
160  
161 KKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!!!
022=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/02/90 20:57  Msg:4921 Call:27207 Lines:2
162 NET has no need for enemies, they _are_ the enemy! <grin>
163 ----------------------------------------------------------
023=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth     02/04/90 10:28  Msg:4924 Call:27221 Lines:7
164 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
165      So that's why I could never get through!  Explains a lot - apparently
166 Artistic Licence had the same problem . . .
167      Does anyone ever do Backwater Inn stories any more?  Are they passe?
168 Will people throw bricks if I start one up again?  Whad'ya think?
169 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\Blue Rose/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
170  
024=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/04/90 15:27  Msg:4925 Call:27225 Lines:3
171 No one would throw bricks if you were to write something. They might
172 throw flowers though...
173 .........................................................................
025=Usr:81 Albright          02/05/90 23:50  Msg:4926 Call:27234 Lines:49
174 Speaking of writing something -
175 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
176                                 
177         Scarlet, Wadsworth, and I were separated in the brothel before I
178 could get any information concerning our mission.  I was led to a room
179 adorned with lots of pretty things, including a redhead.
180         As we began the usual business procedures, I couldn't figure out
181 why the words "never put yourself into a vulnerable position" kept
182 flashing through my head.  Within a couple minutes, however, I was mildly
183 surprised to find myself chained helplessly to the bed, with no specific
184 memory of the actual motions that had put me there.
185         "Tell me everything you know, mister." She demanded, slowly
186 unfastening my belt.  I laughed in appreciation of the fantasy-scenario
187 she had chosen.  She played her role well -- with a manner that was both
188 menacing and seductive.
189         She produced a knife.  "Simon Albright.  Tell me everything you
190 know about George!"  Scratch seductive.  Suddenly she was invoking certain
191 mental images involving knives and dropping-pants that, frankly, spoiled
192 the mood for me.
193         Just as I reached certain key stages of un-dress, her eyes blew
194 open and she froze in amazement (much to the satisfaction of my ego).
195 But when she collapsed across my supine body, I could see the tranquilizer
196 dart protruding from her posterior.
197        And I watched as my benefactor emerged from a darkened corner of
198 the room. It was the dark woman I had encountered in the lobby.  She
199 hurried to my side and hauled the other woman off of me, glancing for only
200 a moment in the obvious direction, and then stretched over me to unlock
201 the handcuffs.  Suddenly we heard angry, confused shouts and the sound of
202 panicked running in the hall.
203         "Hurry!"  She pleaded.  "They're here!  I can get you to safety!"
204 She hit a control somewhere and a section of the wall slid away, revealing
205 a dark passage.  I was almost through the doorway when I remembered
206 Scarlet!
207         "Wait!"  I shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders.  "I have to get
208 the two men I came with!"
209         "It's too late!"  She said frantically.  "They've already been
210 taken away!  I found this--"  She handed me a card featuring a silhouetted
211 rabbit.
212         Just then the commotion in the hall grew louder and someone
213 started pounding on the door to our room.
214         "Dammit, you're coming with me," I growled, forcing her roughly
215 into the passage ahead of me.  Scarlet never had a chance to tell me what
216 the mission was about, and I needed someone with answers!
217         We emerged in a dark alley and found a black limousine with keys
218 in the ignition.  It wasn't until after we had driven for several minutes
219 that we noticed a deck of the rabbit-cards on the dashboard.
220                                 
221                                        Albright
222 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
026=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par  02/07/90 20:12  Msg:4927 Call:27253 Lines:19
223 *@)*%_)@#%_)@#%_)(!(%!#(%#(%!#+_)#+_%($#_^*@!_)$!+@_%)!_#+(%@_#(^_@+%#+@_%(@+_(
224 Mikey: Sorry for missing the PCS meeting, but the professor kept us in class
225 till 9:00pm ('spoused to get over at 7:00pm) and I figured it was a bit too
226 late to drive from 196th west side to 92nd east side by then. I assume you
227 have worked out your own transform algorithms by now. If not, a good source
228 for such things is the seminal book on Computer Graphics by Foley and VanDam
229 (sp) - Also, Newman and Sproul (again sp?) have a CG book full of great
230 mathematical stuff. I have both and have used them many times...
231  
232 voyeur: Still no peep? Is the box working or not? Phosphor does not reveal
233 its origin, 8MHz or 33MHz!
234  
235 Blue person: The thing that gets me about 6-year-old programmers is how they
236 invariably claim they have been programming for 7 years. A feat I have yet
237 to figure out, given there are no registered patents for womb-based rs232
238 devices.
239  
240 *%#@_%*_)#%_#%)@#%@#*%_)#*%_@#&%@#)*^@ L'homme sans Parity *%_*_)!)(_)%*!*%!%!%
241  
027=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/08/90 19:55  Msg:4929 Call:27259 Lines:6
242 &*&*&*&*'s
243 One Short
244  
245 An Astral Dreamer
246 &*&*&*&*&*'s
247  
028=Usr:81 Albright          02/08/90 20:51  Msg:4930 Call:27262 Lines:19
248 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
249  
250        "Who is this rabbit!?"  I demanded, thrusting the deck of rabbit-
251 cards into my companion's face.
252        Alexandra only shook her head.  "All I know is that he's been
253 taking over all sorts of small-time crime operations.  Drugs.  Prostitution.
254 Confidence.  You name it.  Apparently this is one of his limousines we 
255 borrowed."
256        I nodded.  It made sense -- George had spent years consolidating
257 small organizations, knowing that the surest way of influencing a country's
258 actions is to corrupt and dictate the morals of her people.  It was no 
259 wonder George was interested in this Zephyr.  Although it was probable
260 that Zephyr was just a penny-ante, greed-motivated thug.
261        "How can we get my friends back?"  I asked her.  "How can I get in
262 touch with this rodent?"
263        "Lagomorph," she corrected.  "You can't.  He's completely unreachable."
264        So I practically jumped through the roof when the car-phone rang.
265                                      Albright
266 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
029=Usr:146 mike ahl          02/09/90 11:28  Msg:4931 Call:27271 Lines:2
267  
268  
030=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock   02/09/90 14:07  Msg:4933 Call:27275 Lines:87
269 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
270  
271      "Are you certain?  Did you sweep   the area?"
272      "From floor to ceiling, and damn   straight.  They're nowhere to be
273 found."
274      Dawson cursed softly.  "Right,     then.  Turn this building over to
275 one of the Crack groups, and set them   up with the materials for what they
276 need."  Stepping through the doorway,   he kicked aside the impaled blonde who 
277 blocked the entrance.  "And somebody    clean this place up!  It looks like a  
278 Whorehouse!"
279  
280 * * *
281  
282      Leichter stepped through the Main  Hall and into the inner chamber, 
283 Hall and into the inner chamber, heading towards a wall of books.  Examining
284 the rows of titles, he made a selection, removing THE COLLECTED WORKS OF
285 BEATRIX POTTER from its place on the    shelf.  Immediately, with a dull hum,  
286 the wall rose upwards, clicking firmly  into place above him and revealing a   
287 tiny door.
288      He rapped three times, listening   to the resounding echo.
289      "Come in, come in, Leichter."      came the syrupy voice from inside.
290 Leichter complied, squeezing through    the miniscule entrance with as much  
291 dignity and respect as he could.
292      "Sit down, sit down."  wheezed     the old man behind a desk that looked  
293 as if it had been hewn from stone.      "And tell me..." he paused "Tell me    
294 about how things are going."
295      Leichter eyed the Old Man warily,  trying to gauge the emotions that hid
296 behind those glassy eyes.  He complied  with the Old Man's wishes, seating
297 himself in the soft leather seat that   had slid into place in front of the    
298 desk from across the room.
299      "If you're asking about George-"
300      "Now," the Owithered face twisted   into a grin that chilled Leichter. 
301 "What else do you think I'm talking     about?"
302      "The fact of the matter is that my independent research hasn't turned up
303 anything beyond what we already knew.   Specifically, that it was a covert 
304 group independent of government ties,   though it was not initially such.  
305 That, and that it's on the move, and    that their chief agent for is motion
306 is a man named Albright.  Beyond that,  the records are so ridden with bugs and
307 psuedo-viruses that we can't go ay     further.  At least, not now."
308      "So in other words, we're back to  where we started from?"
309      "Look at it this way.  You cleared out the brothel."
310      The Old Man's eyes never left      Leichter's as he rose from his desk and
311 hobbled over to a cabinet.  Opening a   drawer, he extracted a whiskey bottle  
312 and two glasses.  "Leichter... you're   a good man, and I look for that in my  
313 line of work."
314      Leichter shifted, decidedly        uncomfortable with the tone of the 
315 false praise.  "Thanks." he muttered.
316      "You're young, bright, resourceful, and looking to, erh, go places..." 
317 He filled the two glasses with liquor.  "Whiskey?" the Old Man offered.
318      Leichter popped a stick of spearmint gum into his mouth.
319      "Ehr, I see." the Old Man coughed. "Now, let us get down to the real 
320 matter at hand-"  The intercom on the   Old Man's desk began flashing 
321 frantically.  "Just a moment.  Yes?"
322      "Sir?"
323      "Yes, Dawson, what is it?"
324      "Sir, we've located the missing    operative.  It seems that he stole our
325 vehicle."
326      "Excuse me?" the Old Man hissed.
327      "Yes, he stole our vehicle while   we were inside..." Dawson's voice 
328 trailed off.
329 o     "Ah, I see.  Now get back to what  you were doing.  I'm busy here."
330      "But-" There was an audible click.
331      "We'll discuss our little matter   later, Leichter.  Now, I believe that
332 you had some business to attend to?"
333      "Right, boss."
334  
335 * * *
336  
337      Leichter strode like a lion into   the still air of the white chamber,
338 sending the fine mist that permeated    it darting about his massive form.
339 He eyed the man chained to one of the   padded walls.  "Hello there, my friend.
340 I belive we have a mutual acuaintence  by the name of George?"
341      The replywas suitably derogatory.
342      "Thank you.  I DID so want this    to be fun."  Leichter opened a pocket
343 on his overcoat and withdrew a large    skinning knife.  "I believe your name  
344 is Scarlet, no?  How appropriate."
345  
346 * * *
347  
348      Within the confines of the black   limousine, the ringing of the phone
349 was the only sound.  Finally, someone   realized that they should answer.
350 "Hello?" came the quavering voice.
351      "Hello there, my young friend.     I hope that you have been suitably
352 enlightened regarding our procedures.   How delightful."
353      Beneath the car, a small box with  an LED readout sprang to life...
354 15...14....13....12...
355 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
031=Usr:148 aaron kimpton     02/10/90 20:42  Msg:4935 Call:27290 Lines:5
356  
357          For all you modem people....           
358                 A NWBS                 
359  
360  
032=Usr:152 Aaron  Kimpton    02/12/90 17:39  Msg:4936 Call:27328 Lines:10
361          For all you modem people....           
362       
363                 A NEW BBS                        
364            Capt. Zzap introduces:                
365         Programers Paridise=641-7295
366    It has the latest online games, and the best  
367           Vietnam, Darklord, Qest  
368  Suports ATARI, ANSI, ASCII color modes
369  
370  
033=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/12/90 20:00  Msg:4937 Call:27335 Lines:5
371   
372 HELOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
373  
374 Not even an echo.
375  
034=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/12/90 20:41  Msg:4938 Call:27337 Lines:1
376 burp!
035=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par  02/12/90 23:41  Msg:4939 Call:27344 Lines:7
377 *@#*%^*(^@%(@_)(@#_)^$#^*_)%(#@_)%(@_)%(@#_%)(@#+%)@_#+%@#_*%@_^*@@#_^*
378 That burp must signify that no, you don't need any graphics routines
379 anymore, and yes, I can put my books back on the shelf, eh? :-)
380  
381 voyeur: still no word? This is worse than the trs-80 model 1 days!
382 *(%_)@#*%)_%(*_)(%#%^_)%@%)(@#_% L'homme sans Parity %*)_%_(@_)%(@#_)%(
383  
036=Usr:394 Rayall the Pirat  02/13/90 16:02  Msg:4942 Call:27355 Lines:5
384 ArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArr
385 Ah yes, I remember back in MY day!  Had to use an ABACUS then, matey, so don't
386 be complainin' about no TRS-80, me boyo!  Arr!  Whiskey for everyone!
387 Rayall
388 ArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArr
037=Usr:4 Milchar           02/13/90 22:56  Msg:4944 Call:27364 Lines:12
389 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
390 All I wanted was a ray trace... and it wouldn't give it to me!  Just
391 a ray trace...all I wanted was a ray trace...
392 CM: A two-cpu Sequent running Dynix under a moderate load takes 10 minutes
393 to generate a trace.  I seem to be taking 93% of one of the cpus...
394 Since QRT hasn't produced any results, I am using a ported version of
395 another program entirely, with the help of one of the local graphics
396 gods... But I still haven't got the effect we want.  Now, if I had an
397 account in the engineering department, where all the COLOR workstations
398 lurk, perhaps things would be different...
399  
400 ++++++++++++++++++ still trying ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++
038=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/14/90 20:20  Msg:4945 Call:27380 Lines:7
401 L'Homme: I managed to sweet talk a certain friend to help out. Don't know
402 how long he'll remain a friend after this though! <grin>
403 Milch: Well, I suppose you could come over and use my Cray that my wife
404 Morgan Fairchild gave to me for my birthday last year. Yeah, right, 
405 my wife gave it to me...yeah, that's that ticket! 
406 Just got a new book. Crc Handbook of Mathematical Curves and Surfaces.
407 ******************************* CM ***************************************
039=Usr:4 Milchar           02/14/90 21:58  Msg:4946 Call:27383 Lines:4
408 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
409 Oh, I don't think I'll need more than a few nano-cpu-seconds (now, is
410 that a few seconds on a nano-cpu, or...?)
411 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++++++++++++++++++++
040=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/15/90 19:14  Msg:4947 Call:27395 Lines:3
412 Well, as Robin Williams might say, I think I might have a few Nanu's to
413 spare.  Nanu nanu.
414 ********************************* CM ************************************
041=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/15/90 21:24  Msg:4948 Call:27398 Lines:6
415 &*&*&*&*'s
416 New Part Time BBS.  Hours are 11 pm till 6pm weekdays.  1200 N81.  
417  
418 An Astral Dreamer
419 &*&*&*&*'s
420  
042=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par  02/16/90 17:32  Msg:4949 Call:27416 Lines:5
421 *@#*%@#%@#(%_)(%_)(^_)*^)@(%%(_)(%#%@#^*@#_)(!_)%(!_)*^_)(%!#(%_)(!%(%(_!%_(
422 CM: Good news. Let's see if your friend is still a friend in a few weeks.
423 AAD: How many kid-co-sysops do you have? Can I be one too, pleeeze???
424 *%_@#(%*_)@#(%_)@#(_)#(%@&@#^@_( L'homme sans Parity %(_#%_%(!_%_)#^*_(_%(_%(
425  
043=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/16/90 21:54  Msg:4950 Call:27421 Lines:6
426 But Lhomy, you already *are* a kid-co-sysop!!!  ;-)
427 ********************************* CM ************************************
428 All: I've been considering reducing the number of lines available on 
429 each disk here by about 300 or so lines to pick up some needed disk
430 space. Any comments? Do you hate the idea? Like it? Don't care?
431 ****************************** CM ***********************************
044=Usr:4 Milchar           02/16/90 22:57  Msg:4951 Call:27423 Lines:6
432 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
433 About 300 lines or so....999 - 300 = 699.  Oh, NO!  We're approaching the
434 dreaded 629 LINE LIMIT!  Aaaack!  :-)
435 L'homme:  Count 1 roommate with sysop powers.  First time I've been a kid-co
436 -sysop...
437 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
045=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/18/90 11:07  Msg:4952 Call:27439 Lines:9
438 &*&*&*&*'s
439 No Kid Co-Sysops.  In fact, so far there are very few users.  The hours are
440 rather limiting right now.  It's hard to get people to call in regularly, as
441 there are a billion or so BBS's in portland.  Given full time status I think 
442 things will improve.  
443  
444 An Astral Dreamer
445 &*&*&*&*'s
446  
046=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/18/90 20:42  Msg:4953 Call:27448 Lines:2
447 How come when I log on I get this "rooms available message?"
448 -------------------- kid-co-sysop ---------------------------
047=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/19/90 00:08  Msg:4955 Call:27452 Lines:2
449 And what's this "ALL" command thingy?
450 ---------------------------------------
048=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/19/90 08:33  Msg:4959 Call:27457 Lines:7
451 &*&*&*&*'s
452 Just a reminder to everyone to call my BBS.  Number posted above.  Milch and
453 I are the sysops.
454  
455 An Astral Dreamer
456 &*&*&*&*'s
457  
049=Usr:81 Albright          02/20/90 20:43  Msg:4967 Call:27499 Lines:67
458 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*
459  
460           I slammed the phone down and skidded the car to a stop.
461           ...TEN...NINE...EIGHT...
462           "What's wrong?!" screamed Alexandra.
463           ...SEVEN...
464           "Get out!"  I shouted, trying to open my door.
465           ...SIX...
466           She spotted the LED and froze for a moment while I leaned across
467 her to open her door.  It wouldn't budge.
468           ...FIVE...FOUR...
469           She started banging on a window with one of her stiletto heels.
470           ...THREE...
471           I looked around wildly, helplessly.
472           ...TWO...
473           We cringed grotesquely.
474           ...ONE...
475           Alexandra lunged suddenly, grasping the ignition key and rotating
476 it from "ACC" to "Off."  The LED faded.
477           ...?...
478           After several seconds, considerably less than one of which involved
479 our dismemberment, we burst into laughter, and threw our arms around each
480 other.  The tension slowly drained from our bodies as we held each other in
481 the ensuing silence.
482           Finally, we took stock of our situation.  The doors wouldn't open
483 and we couldn't locate any knobs for the windows.
484           "Oh, here!"  Alexandra proclaimed, pointing to a switch on the 
485 door.  "This switch lowers the window."  She clicked it a couple times, with
486 no effect.  "Needs electricity though."
487           "No problem!" I said, absently reaching for the ignition.
488                                         Albright
489 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
490  
491 WwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw
492  
493        Scarlet hung, exhausted, from the wall where Leichter was interrogating
494 him.  He had revealed nothing to the fiendish man.
495        "So, you are willing to die rather than reveal your secrets!"  said the
496 interrogator.  "We'll see if you feel the same way while your friend is
497 mutilated before your eyes!"  So Scarlet was removed and Wadsworth was 
498 fastened to the wall in his place.
499        "You realize I am sworn to delete myself, and my companion, before
500 downloading...uh...revealing any vital data," said Scarlet quietly.
501        "But Leichter simply ordered an electric shock to be administered to 
502 Wadsworth's helpless body.  Scarlet watched in anguish.
503        "Now, Scarlet," Leichter said smoothly, "let's start with this cal-
504 culator-looking thing."  He produced Scarlet's little computer device.  "My
505 scientists can't get it to work.  Tell me what it is."
506        Scarlet took it from Leichter.  "This?  Why, this is just a simple
507 calculator."  He secretly connected its dangling wire to something beneath
508 his jacket.  "For example,"  Scarlet continued, "If I were to enter two 
509 zeroes, like this ...zero...zero... an then an undefined variable, like this
510 "D", which could stand for ... oh, say... 'Destruct', and then I were to enter
511 another zero..."
512                                        Wadsworth
513  
514 WwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw
515  
516 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
517  
518           "You nearly blew the shit out of us."  Alexandra observed.
519           "Well you didn't have to overreact."  I replied, massaging my
520 bruised jaw.  "Anyway, it's a good thing I remembered about this anvil I've
521 been carrying around!"
522           And so I smashed the window and we were free.
523                                        Albright
524 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
050=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY      02/21/90 18:48  Msg:4971 Call:27513 Lines:6
525 the one with the muscular arm decending from above with a vaugly 
526 labial growth on the shoulder, clutching a mammary nosed Zephyr, 
527 veiled in thin chromnium yellow, spewing a green chrona, with a 
528 figure in the rear dashing to the distance to get out of the path 
529 or pull away from the chest of the arm, I don't know which....
530 -------------------------------------------------------------------
051=Usr:165 Bart Simpson      02/22/90 14:24  Msg:4974 Call:27530 Lines:150
531 696969696969
532                         The Little UFO that Could 
533                         ************************* 
534                         *       TOP SECRET      * 
535                         ************************* 
536                              GAMMA SIGMA PHI 
537                            FOR YOUR EYES ONLY 
538                                   by 
539                             Benjamim Jamen 
540 What I am about to tell you is a story which will tax the limits of your 
541 imagination.  This story is as true as any other UFO documentary.  Every word 
542 of it.  There is a Howard (known around the office as Howierd).  We ARE the 
543 best of buddies.  There is a Prissy.  She IS a skinny little Japanese girl who 
544 works at Frizby's.  And, worst of all, there IS a coverup in progress right as 
545 you read these words! 
546  
547 What does all this have to do with UFO's?  More than you think. Read on... 
548  
549 Howy and I were designing the next generation of software on the back of beer 
550 soaked napkins at Frizby's when the subject was first broached. Howierd 
551 designs software with wire wrap tools and soldering irons.  He's the kind of 
552 guy who reads every issue of Microcornucopia from cover-to-cover and has 
553 little gadgets, scattered throughout his cubicle, to prove it.  Since the 
554 company won't let him connect directly into the phone line with some of his 
555 wizmos (our 'Telephone Control Officer' is a flunky GS-2 who constantly has to 
556 flex his nonexistant power muscle by not letting us do the neat and 
557 interesting things which require a direct connection to the local PBX), Howy 
558 built a neat little robot arm (see issue 16 of Byte magazine) that lifts up 
559 the handset and places it on his 'answering machine', which is really a 
560 digitizer connected to his PC which...anyway, you get the picture.  Howy, 
561 despite his harmless pudge, is a force to be reckoned with.  The Aliens never 
562 had a chance against him. 
563  
564 There I go, getting sidetracked again.  But, if you want to hear this story, 
565 you're going to have to sit through the whole thing, as I remember it.  
566 Anything less would be a distortion of the truth! You wouldn't see the 'big 
567 picture', as they say in the Intelligence world. Howy and I have worked on 
568 Intel projects for years, now.  We go in the building in the morning and 
569 sometimes come out at night.  There are no windows or anything like that in 
570 there.  Looking from the outside, you'd call me a liar, because it looks like 
571 the building is no less than 80% glass.  But, if you could look through that 
572 glass you'd see a metal shield staring you right back in the face.  The shield 
573 is there so that the important work Howy and I do for the security of this 
574 country doesn't emanate into the government housing project across the street. 
575 No telling what the dead beats across the street would do with that kind of 
576 information. 
577  
578 With a job like that, you can now see why we were at Frizby's soaking up the 
579 suds.  Prissy was standing there-after a few I always wind up leaning as far 
580 back as possible to get a good gander at her posterial (look that up in your 
581 Websters!) gift as she bends over to hand Howy his next brew (if you are going 
582 to appreciate any part of her anatomy, it's got to be the rear since the other 
583 two parts are smaller than freeze dried lotus buds).  I use the angle of the 
584 lean as a measure, that is, I allow myself to lean far enough back to fall out 
585 of the chair up to 3 times before declaring I've had enough and calling it 
586 quits for the night.  This proved to be a good night.  The chair was already 
587 at a good 45 degree angle and I wasn't even beginning to lose balance. 
588  
589 Howy started it, "You seen all that UFO stuff on the Bulletin Boards lately?" 
590  
591 "Yeah, pretty crazy...", I replied.  Prissy was ambling away, holding the 
592 empty tray in the curve of her left side.  I watched her. You know, there 
593 comes a point just short of middle age when the lower part of a man's anatomy 
594 sporadically and totally drains the cerebral cortex of blood, leaving him in a 
595 state of semiconsciousness, a point at which he is no longer responsible for 
596 his actions.  In other words, the brain is drained of blood in order to feed 
597 the capillaries of the lower extremity.  Thinking is not possible.  It is a 
598 good time to talk about UFO's. 
599  
600 "No, I don't think it is, Ben.  Think about it.  It's all starting to fit 
601 together.  Why would the United States government fund such a silly project 
602 like SETI to the tune of millions of dollars for years unless there was 
603 something in it?  You've been doing government contracts for years-doesn't all 
604 of that strike you as the least bit peculiar?" 
605  
606 (...to be continued...)
607 696969696969696969
608 696969696969  (part 1b) 
609 "Nope.  The government's got tons of money and doesn't know what the hell to 
610 do with it.  Look at all the rat shit things they've had us do.  Just this 
611 morning I was calling all over the place to find someone to QA that little EMF 
612 monitoring trinket you threw together.  Only, when we find someone to do it, 
613 they won't be cleared to even see the thing, much less QA it.  By the time 
614 they get cleared, you'll have come up with something even spiffier which will 
615 obselete the first one while this QA guy sits around reading something really 
616 mentally straining, like Wadsworth, and earning $50K/year.  It's absurd!" 
617  
618 "Oh, you mean Herb.  He was reading Whitman, not Wadsworth."
619  
620 "It's all the same-your quintessential Liberal Arts trash." 
621  
622 "Funny-didn't you get a BA, as in Liberal Arts?"
623  
624 "I got a degree in mathematics at a time when physics, chemistry, and math 
625 degrees all fell under the BA umbrella.  Now you can even get a BS in Business 
626 Administration!  Hey, when we got our degrees, the men were men and so were 
627 the women.  Remember, Howy???"  I smiled and did a Groucho with my eyebrows. 
628  
629 "Hey, that's not funny.  I had no idea that Brit was in drag.  And facts are 
630 facts:  The Intelligence Community was willing enough to overlook my little 
631 misadventure and still hand me a compartmented clearance.  
632  
633   "Look, Ben, don't change the subject.  I'm serious.  I want to talk about 
634 UFO's before you lose count of how many times you've fallen off your stool and 
635 decide to go home.  Damn, beer's empty.  HEY, PRISSY," Howy held up his hand 
636 in the peace salute of yesteryear, "TWO MORE COLD ONES!" 
637  
638 Howy turned back and looked at me.  This thing was eating him.  Howy gets that 
639 way sometimes.  A problem is eating at him.  He sleeps in his office a few 
640 days, his breath starts smelling like axle grease, eyes turn red and wild, 
641 everybody starts avoiding him.  Then the problem is solved and good old Howy 
642 is back.  
643  
644 Howy leaned over the table.  He was really getting serious.  "UFO's, Ben. 
645 They're real.  And you and me, we've got to prove that science is useful here. 
646 The whole UFO movement is going over the deep end into all this mysticism 
647 crap. " 
648  
649 "Why 'you and me'?"
650  
651 "Because you're a practical person.  You believe in the scientific method and 
652 all that.  You-" 
653  
654 "Wait a hold it.  I'm a mathemaultician." Words were starting to slur a bit, 
655 but I still had only tipped over once.  "I make a bunch of rules, apply 
656 numbers to them, if it all works out-great.  If it means homosexuals can make 
657 babies and the sky is green, that's fine as long as it all fits within the 
658 context of the latest rules." 
659  
660 "Ben, you're such a logical person you can't even see it.  Listen, I want to 
661 tell you something serious and I don't want you to laugh.  We have to go to 
662 South America, Ben.  We have to go to prove the UFO phenomenom is real and the 
663 Aliens are a force to be reckoned with.  
664  
665   "Please, don't ask me how I know this.  It's hard to accept, but it IS the 
666 truth.  Have I ever been wrong before?" 
667  
668 Good point.  Wasn't much I could say to that.  Howy, no matter how wierd his 
669 claims have seemed in the past, has always turned out to be dead center, on 
670 target, whenever he gets past the hypothesis stage.  On the other  hand... 
671  
672 "Before you always have said things for a reason.  Yeah, there's been lots of 
673 times when I haven't understood the reasons, but at least I had some idea, 
674 maybe subconcious, you were on the right track." Then I suddenly realized I 
675 was getting sucked into Howy's sullen attitude and tried to get the 
676 conversation back to reality.  "Jesus, let's get off the philosophical jargon. 
677 Howy, you've already had too many beers and the fact is YOUR facts warped." 
678  
679 (...to be continued...)
680 696969696969696969
052=Usr:84 Michael Miller j  02/24/90 01:14  Msg:4975 Call:27557 Lines:8
681 &*&*&*&*'s
682 I've been somewhat less verbal here recently.  Seems the older I get the less
683 of interest I have to say.  This doesn't stop me from checking in every couple
684 of days though.  I wonder what the lurk to post ratio is right now.
685  
686 An Astral Dreamer
687 &*&*&*&*'s
688  
053=Usr:4 Milchar           02/24/90 20:53  Msg:4976 Call:27572 Lines:3
689 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
690 Calls/messages = 5.54.
691 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch-almost-lurking ++++++
054=Usr:13 voyeur            02/25/90 23:28  Msg:4978 Call:27588 Lines:11
692 :::::::O O:::::::02/26/90::::::::::::::::::::::::::::00:09:14:::::O O::::::::
693 L'homme: the Savage Bench88 gives Error: 0.0046340376139
694                                   E.T. : 00:00:09.06
695                                   Relative to IBM-PC: 22.185
696                          (just a bit slower than a 286 /w 287)
697          the Dhrystone says:
698          Dhrystone(1.1) time for 50000 passes = 4
699          This machine benchmarks at 12500 dhrystones/second.
700    As someone once remarked, "Aye, Captain, and at Warp 9 we're going nowhere
701    mighty fast."
702 ::::::::O O::::::::::::::::::::::::voyeur::::::::::::::::::::::::::O O::::::::
055=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par  02/26/90 22:58  Msg:4981 Call:27605 Lines:4
703 $@%@%#@%))^)^*^(%$^#%^$#^(_*(&^$#%@#$%$)&(^^)^&_&$@#%$@%)^)^^%%(*%$%$^&%^$@&(_&
704 voyeur: green!
705 $#%@#%@$#%@#%~@~!@)^)^*)(_+(+^%^$^#@ L'homme sans Parity ^)^(*())%@#%#@%%^)^((&
706  
056=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock   02/28/90 14:06  Msg:4986 Call:27629 Lines:54
707 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
708      The Old Man watched in abject      fascination as the unsavory occupants
709 of the automobile struggled in vain to  extricate themselves from what appeared
710 to be an inescapable trap.  He rotated  away from the private camscreen he was 
711 watching to flip open a small control   panel, his trembling fingers hovering 
712 over a few of the buttons...  TOXIC     SPILL, ACID, GAS...  The decisions wer
713 so TAXING!  But, then, that's why he    was in charge, he mused.
714      A loud crash from the camscreen    shattered both the distant car window 
715 and his narrative posturing.  He spun   back to face the screen, cursing low   
716 when he witnessed Albright and his      group climbing clumsily from the car.
717 "Blast!" he hissed, sending a shiver    down his spine with his own foulness   
718 of word.  "Such as this will not be     accepted."  He turned back to the      
719 control panel and punched a key.        TIMED DETONATION... 3... 2... 1
720  
721 * * *
722  
723      Far away at that exact same        moment, Albright and company were
724 amazed to witness the exploding car     provide them with a showing of what
725 appeared to be the widest assortment    of car-deaths imaginable outside of a  
726 James Bond film.  Gas nozzles flared    amidst burning jets of acid, a thick  
727 green ooze devoured the leather         interior, all as the flames from the   
728 charges placed strategically around     the car chose to detonate.  Truly, it  
729 was a sght to behold.
730  
731 * * *
732  
733      Leichter grabbed the calculator    from its owner, ignoring the intense
734 electric shock that coursed through     him.  He held the device in front of   
735 Wadsworth.  As an evil grin crossed     his mangled face, he crushed it, 
736 sending bits of circuit board to the    pristine white floor.  "American       
737 engineering." he whispered, as a black  boot pressed the life out of whatever  
738 bold computer chip had survived the     terrible fall.  "Now, as we say, back  
739 to business?"  Leichter drew the        skinning knife.  "George?"  
740  
741 * * *
742  
743      Dawson pressed firmly on the       intercom switch.  "Boss?"
744      "Yes?"
745      "About the George cronies...       Whaddayawan us to do wit' em?"
746      "Once Leichter is finished with    them you can do whatever you wish. 
747 Just make sure that they turn up        floating in the East River by morning."
748      "You got it, Boss."
749      "Oh, and Dawson?"
750      "Yeah?" The Old Man could hear the audible snap ofDawson's bubble gum,
751 even across the intercom thick with     coding static.
752      "Make it messy."
753      "Ciao."
754  
755      Dawson lifted his finger from the  first switch and pressed another.
756 "Boss wants us to ice the twerps.  They took our main means of transport.  
757 Accordin' to the Big Guy, they're       somewhere near Fifth and Hutch.  Send 
758 in about seven guys and a chopper       backup in case things don't work out."
759  
760 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr (I told you We're Fast)===:::::====
057=Usr:165 Bart Simpson      03/01/90 12:57  Msg:4989 Call:27640 Lines:56
761 696969696969  (part one-c) 
762 Prissy showed up right about then.  Frizby's was pretty packed.  She must have 
763 heard the last part of the conversation since she chimed in while setting down 
764 the little golden treasures, "You guys believe in flying saucers?" 
765  
766 "No", Me.
767  
768 "Yes", Howy.  
769  
770 "I tell you something," Prissy continued.  "I know flying saucer are real.  
771 Believe it or not, I never slept with a man in my whole life.  But I still 
772 have a little boy.  How that happen?  Very simple.  Space Aliens. They came 
773 one night, give me a shot, then I have little boy in nine months." 
774  
775 You know, some people say that love can be measured in inches.  If so, my love 
776 for Prissy just deflated itself sufficiently well so that I was able, at least 
777 a short time, to think in her prescence.  In other words, the cerebrum became 
778 engorged with blood and my brain's first reaction was to make me laugh.  It 
779 made me laugh real hard.  Then it made me fall out of the stool for the second 
780 time that night. 
781  
782 Howy was disgusted with me as he looked at Prissy, "Immaculate Conception-very 
783 common theme among UFOlogists.  Prissy, where are you from?  I don't mean your 
784 parents-you Orientals think 'where are you from?' means where are your folks 
785 from.  No, Dear," (boy, he was laying it on pretty thick-wish I'd thought of 
786 that), "Where are YOU from?". 
787  
788 "I born and raised in Tokyo.  But I still US citizen.  Lot's of men here think 
789 I need to get married to stay here, but that not so." 
790  
791 "Thanks for the personal history." Howy turned back to me,  "Japanese. Gosh.  
792 Do you know what that means, Ben?  Part of this UFO cult believes the 
793 Orientals are under the control of the Aliens.  Mind boggling. 
794  
795   "How do you think a nation that has seen their currency double in value can 
796 still produce superior automobiles at competitive prices?" 
797  
798 "Subsidies?" Prissy asked.
799  
800 "No.  Look at their Subaru's, for instance.  No one else in the world can 
801 build an $8,000 4 wheel drive vehicle and sell it with a 100K mile warranty.  
802 Nobody.  I'm not going to jump to conclusions-don't misunderstand me.  It's 
803 just part of the evidence.  Ben, let me tell you something.  Do you know what 
804 Subaru means in Japanese?" 
805  
806 "Yeah, it mean a kind of star-consterration?" That was Prissy again. 
807  
808 "Right! It's a constellation, Pleiades to be exact.  Why would a car company 
809 name itself after a constellation?" Howy turned to me with that serious look 
810 in his eyes again.  I think Howy's been working too hard lately.  Then he 
811 slurred, "It all adds up.  Ben, WILL you go to South America with me?" 
812  
813 At this point, I was afraid he was going to fall out of HIS chair. 
814  
815 "HEY, PRISS!" It was the bartender.  "We got some thirsty people over here, 
816 let's quit yapping and start flapping."  I'm not sure what that meant, 
058=Usr:165 Bart Simpson      03/01/90 13:16  Msg:4990 Call:27641 Lines:119
817 "HEY, PRISS!" It was the bartender.  "We got some thirsty people over here, 
818 let's quit yapping and start flapping."  I'm not sure what that meant, 
819 probably some sort of alien talk.  
820  
821 "Sorree.  Got to go.  You be here at 3am and we talk more.  Okay?" 
822  
823 "You bet I'll be here!", I said, tipping back a little too far and crashing 
824 into the floor behind me.  Ouch, that hurt.  Prissy was giggling, and then 
825 walked away.  Howy wasn't too impressed. Let's see, that leaves two crash 
826 dives before I've got to make an exit.  Or have I used them up?  Damn.  
827 Probably best to order another brew. 
828  
829 -----------------------------------
830  
831 Let's summarize what's happened here.  Howy wants to go to Rio and I've 
832 unknowingly contributed to the Alien cause by owning a Subaru.  Prissy is 
833 probably related to the Aliens by race and has certainly been impregnated by 
834 them.  This is almost too much to bear.  Got to get this story out to the 
835 local BBS before the CIA finds out.   The FBI, KGB, and the Aussies (that 
836 comes later) will be standing in line to bug my phone after this story hits 
837 the line... 
838  
839 By the way, Howy says, "Happiest of Holidays to all of you, and stay tuned for 
840 the next episode.". 
841  
842 Next episode: We hypnotize Bob, Prissy's 4 year old son, to find the truth 
843 about the abductions. 
844  
845 =========================================================================
846 696969696969696969
847 -696969696969
848 =========================================================================
849 2 of many 
850                         The Little UFO that Could 
851                         ************************* 
852                         *       TOP SECRET      * 
853                         ************************* 
854                              GAMMA SIGMA PHI 
855                            FOR YOUR EYES ONLY 
856                                   by 
857                             Benjamim Jamen 
858  
859         "I've always dreaded the day when the Chinese
860          discover communism is bull shit."
861            -Former President Reagan to 
862                 Former Prime Minister Nakasone over a cup of Saki
863                   at Frizby's East in Tokyo
864  
865 Hello, we're back again.  Hope you survived the holidays as well as we
866 did.  The biggest complaint we heard about the last episode was that it
867 "jumped around a lot".  The second biggest complaint was that it didn't
868 start with a memorable quote.  Well, there's your quote.
869  
870 The last thing I remember from the last episode was slopping down
871 a brew or two at Frizby's and then...
872  
873 Drifting, drifting, going somewhere.  Was this an astral experience? 
874 Where the hell did Howy go?  I looked behind me to see if he was
875 following.  He wasn't.  The only thing behind me was a massive
876 blue-white sphere, which began receding rapidly as I looked back.  Oh
877 shit.  What have I done now?
878  
879 Obviously, I died in the bar and was disembarking from my home planet. 
880 That must be it.  It was an effect of missing my physical exam this
881 year.  Too many cold ones at Frizby's, too little warm food at home,
882 typical Western excesses, the next thing you know you're an astronaut.
883 Goodbye, earth...
884  
885 I looked up in time to see the Moon approaching.  Let's see, there's
886 Tycho, Mare Nubium, and, holy shit! We're really picking up speed now. 
887 "We"? Who's that? I looked back.  Neither Howy nor Prissy was following
888 me.  In fact, all that was there was the blue-white orb (rapidly
889 receding), the Moon (rapidly receding) and millions of stars (not
890 rapidly receding).  I was really going somewhere this time.
891  
892 You know, after you've died and started this long journey to the Maker,
893 you say a prayer, even if you're not inclined towards that sort of
894 thing.  So, I started the prayer process.  It's pretty hard when you
895 haven't even mumbled thanks for a crummy meal in over 20 years.  Time to
896 put my best foot forward.
897  
898 "Hi, God.  I'm not sure what to say, it's been so long. " Even the sun
899 seemed to be receding now.  Boy, was I in trouble.  "How are things up
900 there?  Guess I'll find out in just few.  Nice view."  It's hard to
901 make conversation with Someone you've ignored for 20 years.  "Say, you
902 know what?  All that ELINT work I did for Uncle Sam?  Well, it was
903 just a job, you know.  Yeah, I did have fun at other people's expense,
904 but look at the circumstances-the Sovs were doing the same thing to us.
905 And, hell...sorry, I meant 'heck'...I was doing it for cheap."
906  
907 God didn't say anything.
908  
909 It's pretty tough when you're trying to remember something you did for
910 which you should repent, knowing that any second now you'll meet whoever
911 happens to be at the Gates of Heaven.  Damn.  I wish Howy was here. 
912 Howy's religion is better defined than mine.  He doesn't go to Synagogue
913 much any more, but he was better raised to know the ins and outs of
914 getting to heaven, I guess.  Me, coming from a Gentile/WASP background,
915 I had no idea where to even start.
916  
917 "God is great
918  God is good
919  And we thank him for this food..."  
920 No.  That's not the right thing to say.  
921 "Now I lay me down to sleep..."
922  
923 No, I should just shutup and enjoy the view.  Maybe I wasn't dead
924 after all.  Maybe the Aliens had abducted me and were now transporting
925 me, Shirley MacLaine style, to their Leader.  
926  
927 It was the dead quiet which was most unnerving.  The quiet almost had a
928 texture to it.  Against that texture, was this deep black (by deep, I
929 mean light years deep).  Against that black, were the stars and a few
930 shiny orbs speckled here and there.  The thoughts finally quit rattling
931 through my mind.  My mind took on the texture of the quiet.  Maybe I
932 fell asleep for a while.
933 (...to be continued...)
934 696969696969696969                                                            
935                                                                                
059=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock   03/02/90 13:17  Msg:4991 Call:27656 Lines:3
936 HOW CLEVER!
937 I'VE GOT IT!  LET'S JUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY WAIT FOR EVERYBODY ELSE TO
938 FILL THE LAST 64 LINES!  THEN WE'LL GET TO A NEW DISK REALLY QUICKLY!!!!!!
060=Usr:272 Talos             03/03/90 19:03  Msg:4993 Call:27678 Lines:61
939 <*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
940 Okay, but I'll bet not many will see it!
941@ 
942@                       Birdhouse in your Soul
943@ 
944@  ' orol redImntyur only friend
945@  u '  ite gloigfiend
946@  u eally I'm not actually your friend...
947@                                .but I am
948@ 
949@  lecnr nteote y the lightswitch, who watches over you
950@  aealtl idos nyour soul
951@  o oput too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bei your bonnet
952@  aealtle birdhouse in your soul
953@	 Ihve a secret to tell, rmm lcrcal well
954@  tsemsaeadImleaving out the whistles and bells
955@  othe room ms iten to me; filibuster vigilantly
956@  ynm sbu canary one-note spelled l-i-t-e
957@ 
958                        Birdhouse in your Soul
959  
960   'yu oly friend-I'm ot your only friend
961   But I'm a little glowing friend
962   But really I'm not actually your friend...
963                                            ...but I am
964  
965   lue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
966   Make a little birdhouse in your soul
967   ot to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
968   Make a little birdhouse in your soul
969 	
970    I have a secret to tell, from my electrical well
971    It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
972    So the room must listen to me; filibuster vigilantly
973   My name is blue canary one-note spelled l-i-t-e
974  
975    My story's infinite, like the Longines Symphonette-it doesn't rest
976 	
977    Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
978    Make a little birdhouse in your soul
979    Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
980    Make a little birdhouse in your soul
981 	
982    I'm your only friend-I'm not your only friend
983    But I'm a little glowing friend
984    But really I'm not actually your friend...
985                                              ...but I am
986 	
987    There's a picture opposite me, of my primitive ancestry
988    Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free
989    Though I respect that a lot, I'd be fired if that were my job
990    After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts
991  
992   luebird of friendliness like guardian angels it's always near
993 	
994    Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
995    Make a little birdhouse in your soul
996    Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
997    Make a little birdhouse in your soul
998  
999@ Adwhile you're at it leave the nite light on 
