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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
2 ********************** REMOVED: 17 MAR 84 ******************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System)  Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6                     PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19 
20 EVAN: IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MODEM DOESN'T LIKE THE CHARACTERS THAT BW ECHOS
21 BACK. THE WAY AROUNG THIS IS TO WAIT FOR THE RETURN CHARACTER BEFORE
22 SENDING THE NEXT ONE. WHAT CAN HAPPEN, IS THAT WHEN YOU SEND A CHARACTER,
23 IT CAN BE DISRUPTTED BY THE RETURN CHARACTER. 103 MODEMS NEVER WERE
24 DESIGNED FOR FULL SPEED TRANSFERS, THEY WERE EXPECTED TO BE RUN BY 
25 PEOPLE WHICH GIVES ENOUGH TIME FOR THE CHARACTER TO GET BACK BEFORE THE
26 NEXT ONE IS SENT. THERE IS A SECOND HARMONIC FROM THE ORIGINATE SIGNAL
27 THAT IS SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ANSWER MODEMS RECEIVER. SO, WHAT
28 HAPPENS IS THAT IF EVERYTHING IS NOT PERFECTLY PROPER IN THE CONECTION,
29 (HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PERFECT PONE LINE?) THEN NASTY THINGS HAPPEN.
30 ************************ CISTOP MIKEY *********************************:
31 CALLING PAM.... HELLO PAM.......
32 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
33 WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL.....
34 OR ARE WE? I BELIEVE WE HAVE TOO MANY REALITY PILLS FLOATING AROUND THIS
35 PLACE. CAN'T WE GET SOME SEMBLANCE OF NORMALITY HERE?
36 MONSIEUR D'AUTUN: YOU SEEM TO HAVE MANY CONNECTIONS AND FRIENDS. CAN YOU 
37 RECOMMEND ANYONE I CAN HIRE TO FIND PAM. MR. WASSIR'S DUNGEON IS TYPICAL,
38 COMPLETE WITH SECRET DOORS. I BELIEVE I HAVE IT FAIRLY WELL MAPPED OUT, BUT
39 I CAN FIND NO SIGN OF PAM. ALL HIS TOYS (IE. IRON MAIDEN, RACK, ETC.) SEEM
40 TO BE IN A STATE OF DISREPAIR DUE TO DISUSE. IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE PAM
41 WAS EVER THERE, AT LEAST AS A PRISONER. I WOULD APPRECIATE ALL THE HELP I 
42 COULD GET TO FIND HER.
43 ALL: WHERE IS THE WIZARD. AND WHY IS ANYBODY GOING TO FIND HIM?
44 (OTHER THAN THE COMMANDER). IF THE NINJA STILL WANTS COMPANY, I WOULD
45 BE GLAD TO HELP HIM, AND TALK ABOUT A VERY PECIULAR VW?!?!?
46                                                      JONATHAN CHANCE
47 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
48 !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
49      The air had that gently washed smell that only a spring shower can
50 bring.  The red images of a 'Budweiser' sign sparkled on the rain-slicked
51 streets.  As I entered the neighborhood tavern, fleeting impressions of
52 blue-collars, red necks, and hairy, worked-hardened muscles tickled my
53 senses.  The sign over the door read:  "The Dew Droppe Inn".  A better name
54 would have been Hard Hat Heaven.  If Wassir had a weakness, it was for 
55 joints like this one.
56      The scent of cheap cigars and stale beer filled my lungs.  Assorted
57 thugs and low lifes played pool at a table in the rear.  No one seemed to
58 notice as I took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer.  The bartender was a
59 talkative fellow.  Lucky for me I have a talent for languages; Early Grunt
60 is one of my specialties.
61      After my fifth (or was it sixth?) beer, I sensed that someone had slid
62 onto the stool next to me.  I glanced over and did a double take.  No! It
63 couldn't be.  Could it?  The resemblence was amazing.  Those beady eyes.
64 Those freckles, those floppy ears, that idiotic grin.  All he needed was a
65 sign hanging around his neck that read:
66                   What me worry?
67      I couldn't contain myself.  It just blurted out; "Say buddy, did you
68 know you look just like Alfred E. Neuman?"
69      The idiotic grin changed to a snarl.  "Stuff it, Salazar!"
70      "Mohammed, great disguise."
71      "Yeah, well it was the only one the Acme Disguise Shop had left.  I
72 don't want to hear any cracks about it."
73      "O.K. Tell me what this is all about."
74      "I think we can help each other.  Old man Hutton was captured by your
75 favorite bad guy, McKane.  Don't worry though, he escaped.  I think he and
76 Petrov eloped.  So much for your case."
77      "What about the Egg?"
78      "Hold your horses.  I was just coming to that.  It's been taken by
79 the Wizard to the Land of Oz.  I was thinking we could snatch it and split
80 the loot."
81      I groaned to myself.  Land of Oz?  Maybe I should have stayed on 
82 Daddy's hemp farm in Turkey.  But anything for a buck.  "All right, I'm in.
83 How do we get to this Land of Oz?"
84      "Through that paisley door over there."  He motioned to the back of the
85 tavern.  But that door hadn't been there before.  I've got to cut down on 
86 this cheap Mexican beer.  Before I could utter a word, Wassir grabbed me by
87 that arm and propelled me to and through the door.
88      The universe whirled... Colours turned inside out... I felt as though
89 I was floating through a deep pool of lime jello.  When my head cleared, we
90 were standing in a dark, forboding forest.  The trees hung low over the
91 roadway.  Their gnarled limbs stretched out as if they were trying to grasp
92 us.  They reminded me of evil beings searching for ripe souls.  Tufts of
93 grass pushed through the crumbling, yellow bricks.
94       A cold shiver ran up my spine.  I felt the friendly heft of my .44
95 under my arm.  I glanced over at Wassir.  His grim reassured me.  What me
96 worry?  At the same moment we started to laugh uncontrollably.  With tears
97 running down our faces,  we linked arm in arm and skipped bravely down the
98 yellow brick road.  Singing...
99           Lions and Tigers and BEARS...  *OH MY*
100 !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!Valinor!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
101 
102 WHERE IS JATAI LOCATED? RELIABLE SOURCE PLACES A MCKANE-OWNED BOLO 
103 FACTORY THERE. I THINK THEY KNOW I FOUND OUT. SOURCE FOUND FLOATING IN
104 A VAT OF HENRY WEINHARD'S THIS 
105 MORNING. THANK GOD THEY DON'T
106 KNOW WHERE I LI
107 
108 DISREGARD PREVIOUS MESSAGE. ALL IS WELL. MR SALAZAR, WHERE CAN WE 
109 REACH YOU. WE HAVE A PACKAGE FOR YOU.
110 
111                   JOLLY JIM
112                THUG-FOR-HIRE
113 %!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!
114 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
115 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
116 The piper stood up and called to        The piper stopped and called to
117 the crowd around the bar.  "We have     his companions.  "There has been
118 a reality split.  Fast Freddy has       a reality split.  Fast Freddy has
119 obtained a reality pill.  He cannot     obtained a reality pill.  He cannot
120 affect our realities as much as one     affect our realities as much as one
121 
122 who knows what (s)he is doing ... but   who knows what (s)he is doing ... bu
123 unloess we can heal this breach, we     unless we can heal this breach, we
124 can expect this adventure to take some  can expect this adventure to tae som
125 VERY strange turns! "                    VERY strange turns!"
126 The piper inflated his pipes and blew
127 The piper inflated his pipes and blew
128 the beginning bars of the tune "When    the beginning bars of the tune "When
129 you go to the hills take your gun".     you go to the hills take your gun".
130 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
131 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
132 Note*  I can't keep up this style of split.  Since I seem to have stuck 
133 myself with dual realities, I'll work out another convention to keep them
134 separate -- perhaps the following...
135 ppppppppp111111111111pppppppppppp11111111111ppppppppppp1111111111111pppppppp
136 (in the inn)
137 The piper turned to his companions and remarked, "Please excuse me if I
138 sometimes lose track of the conversation or behave in an irrational mannr,
139 I am trying to deal with two realities at once.  I may just get blind drunk
140 here and pass out to simplify things!"
141 pppppppppppppp22222222222222ppppppppppppp2222222222222ppppppppppppppppp22222
142 The piper turned to his companions and said, "I am having trouble keeping 
143 myself thinking straight.  I am experiencing two realities at the same time.
144 Acting in any normal fashon may be a bit difficult for me for a while."
145 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
146 Dear Folks:
147 
148      I hate Kansas. I hate the farm. I hate tornadoes. I am
149 running away and I'm taking the dog.
150 
151                          Dorthy
152 
153 :*************************************************************:
154 
155              ###############################
156              # LEROY MCKANE IS YOUR FRIEND #
157              ###############################
158 
159 :************************************************************:
160 
161               #############################
162               # BEWARE THE EVIL FIREBRAND #
163               #############################
164 
165 :***********************************************************:
166 "Well, Yyou could try but I wouldn't recommend it. The power pack might
167 go off!" replied the bard. "Oh, by the way, you really should put some powder
168 in the priming pan if you expect to use that rifle. And don't forget to remove
169 the cover when you get ready to fire"
170 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
171 MIG: last 4 digits of phone # are 6333, will leave msg to you on other system
172 with prefix. OK?
173 ~~~will be at paug meeting thursday at KATU, also.
174 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
175 aAfter xhearing the piper's explanation, the apprentice started work on
176 the spell. This was going to be difficult, but at least this time he knew
177 what had to be removed. (someday he was going to find out what a "mickey finn"
178 was).
179 "I'm trying to remove any traces of reality pill from Freddy. If we
180 have any luck, he will be all right and the realities will heal."
181 ..............................the apprentice...............................
182 :*************************************************************:
183 
184 JONATHAN CHANCE:
185 
186 Wassir has PAM. Salazar has the hots for her and is following 
187 Wassir. Wassir is following the yellow brick road. Dorthy 
188 doesn't seem to be following anyone but the dog. Ignor her.
189 
190 In briefing your detective advise caution. Salazar is armed 
191 and Alfred E Newman isn't who he seems.
192 
193 Detectives are expensive but you can save money by hiring 
194 amateurs. Fast Freddie is unemployed, the Outsider is looking 
195 for adventure, and Jolly Jim is a thug for hire.
196 
197 There isn't a thug alive that is a match for Salazar. Fast 
198 Freddie is to independent to be dependable. I recommend the 
199 Outsider. 
200 
201 If you need any more help from the McKane organization just 
202 let me know. We aim to please.
203 
204                       Monsieur d'Autun
205 
206 :************************************************************:
207 
208 Dear Outsider:
209 
210 I've recommended you for a glamorous, adventurous, job as a 
211 private detective. If you land the job you can earn extra 
212 money by reporting to me any information you come across about 
213 the Phoenix Egg.
214 
215 Didn't I tell you that good things happen to LeRoy McKane's 
216 friends? You can depend on the McKane organization when you 
217 need it. LeRoy McKane is a man you can trust.
218 
219                        Monsieur d'Autun
220 
221 :*************************************************************:
222 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
223 CHEEMINY!  I go away for a day, and all manner or new people show up!
224 (But then again, I'm new myself.)  Thugs for hire, outsiders, and
225 who knows what else!  And I still haven't met Pam, either!!!!!
226 Anyway, I am strictly suspicious of this McKane fellow.  Strikes me that
227 he is putting a few too many self-serving message about.  But I agree
228 with Cmdr. Lacells of the Regulon (aka latter day Davey Crockett) that
229 these split and shifting realities can be a bit unnerving.  Besides,
230 I don't really want to meet the wizard anyway!  And I' not sure if
231 really anyone does.  Piper, tune your pipes!
232 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++k+++++++++++++++ GEEZER ++++++++++++++++
233 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
234 then again, there's the easy way out....
235 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
236      All this reality shifts were giving me a headache. Not
237 only that, but so many  these uglies seem to be angry at me. I 
238 certainly didn't want to take that pill, I didn't want this trouble.
239 
240     I just wish
241     I wish
242     I WISH I NEVER HAD THE REALITY PILL!
243 
244     I felt a bit better, and turned to the commander. "You think McKane
245 is the one your after?" I smirked, YOU better hope not. He's more
246 than you could ever handle. And don't get too careless with the gun,
247 LeRoy takes care of his friends."
248 
249    I looked over at the others. Strange, the piper seems to be shifting
250 slightly.  I wonder which reality he'll end up in.
251                       Fast Fred
252                       BSAL
253 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
254 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
255 For those of you that think Leroy McKane is your friend:
256       Who murdered Natasha?         Leroy McKane.
257       Who kidnapped Andropov?       Leroy McKane.
258       Who started 14 separate South American revolutions?       Leroy McKane
259       Who would kidnap his mother for ransom         Leroy McKane
260       Who hates children and little fuzzy animals?         Leroy McKane.
261 This message brought to you by the Re-elect Wassir Committee.
262                        Serena, Chairman
263 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
264 
265    :*********************************************************:
266    :  Tired of constantly shifting realities? Do you long    :
267    :  for the stability of consistant adventure that doesn't :
268    :  flip-flop from one reality to the next? Are you bored  :
269    :  with techniclor flashing from paisley, to black and    :
270    :  white, to monochrome?                                  :
271    :                                                         :
272    :  Then it's time to enlist in the the McKane             :
273    :  organization...we need a few good men and women.       :
274    :                                                         :
275    :  The McKane organization is dedicated to the liberation :
276    :  of PAM from the clutches of evil as well as to the     :
277    :  protection of cuddly children and warm fuzzy animals.  :
278    :                                                         :
279    :  Join today. Make a commitment to a better world while  :
280    :  fighting Albanian terrorism. See your local recruiter  :
281    :  for details.                                           :
282    :*********************************************************:
283 Hmmmmm.... Tell me Leroy, is it true you sold your mother into slavery to
284 the Ethiopians for $550 cash and four camels.  Just wondering
285                                        Dr. Frankenstupe
286 +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+__+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
287 
288 :*************************************************************:
289 
290 Dear Dr. Frankenstupe:
291 
292 An unexpected political situation suddenly required Mr. McKane 
293 to focus his attention on his South American business 
294 interests. In Mr. McKane's absence I have been authorized to 
295 speak in his interest.
296 
297 Mr. McKane has become the victum of a highly sophisticated, 
298 slanderous, and devious attack on his character. This 
299 unwarranted attack of one of the worlds leading citizens has 
300 been perpetuated by a radical band of Albanian fanatics.
301 
302 The rumor concerning Mr. McKane's mother is an excellent 
303 example of the kind of insideous propaganda that plagues this 
304 respected citizen. Mr. McKane has never sold an immediate 
305 relative for less than $50,000. Furthermore, he doesn't even 
306 know how to ride a camel, much less six of them.
307 
308 If you are interested in joining our crusade to battle this 
309 form of insideous psychological terrorism there could be a 
310 place for you in the McKane organization. Please let me know 
311 if you are interested in this noble cause. 
312 
313 Albanian terrorism is a terrible thing. It will take diligent
314 effort if we are free PAM and make the world safe for freedom, 
315 democracy, and cute fuzzy little animals.
316 
317                     Monsieur d'Autun
318 
319 :*************************************************************:
320 BOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDER
321 Monsieur d'Autun;multiple thankyous for the new job in the organization.
322 when do I meet my first fuzzy animal and do I get to be a hired detective
323 for the commander?
324                 in thanks,
325                 The Outsider
326 p.s. for all of you who oppose my new employer...
327 IN CANUS COPOR TRANSMUTO !!
328 BOARDERBOARRDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDER
329 ////////////////////////////////
330 hay you,don't tell me theres no hope at all,together we stand,devided we 
331 fall
332 "hay yyou"
333 side 1 albium 2 trak 1
334 "the wall"
335 ////////////Floyd///////////////
336 !"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^_|!"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^_|!"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^
337 
338 More big-things?  Why they keep coming through other-place doors?  Other
339 big-things spoke us, not nasty-bad or hurtful us, but go hurt others.  Maybe
340 they not know...  Think us make crawly-hole go other-place they come from,
341 hide watch see their home.  Maybe we understand better them.  Maybe other
342 big-things know Paya-Ekar gone where.  We see............
343 
344 Thistle
345 
346 !"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^_|!"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^_|!"#$%&'@()<>=-*+/.,[]?\^
347 
348 Johnathon Chance:
349      It looks like it's just gonna be me and you on this trail. Just wait.
350 The others will come crawling to us for help. I know a short cut and we'll
351 be there soon. I think maybe I'll just keep the rgg myself. I don't even
352 know what this fuss is all about. All these people mumbling about wizards
353 and some deud from outer space threatening to blow us all up. It's enough
354 to give a Ninja i-n-d-e-g-e-s-t-i-o-n. And another thing, all this 
355 Mc Kane propa gand. D'Auton seems to be his chief propa gand agent. I've
356 been hired for jobs before, but there going crazy for people.
357                   The Ninja
358 ----------------------------------------
359 Meanwhile, back at the Inn....
360 
361     The man in tweeds sat quietly engaged in conversation with his 
362 companion, simultaniusly taking notes on small pieces of paper.  
363 Yngvi noted that that as each sheet was set asside, it faded from view.
364 With a start, Yngvi recognized the the man in tweeds!  Someone had sent
365 for a detective, not knowing who would be dispatched.  "This could be 
366 very interesting," thought Ynvi.  "Elementary, my dear Watson," murmured
367 the man in tweeds.....
368 '/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`'/\`
369 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
370 JUST A MOMENT, NINJA...
371 OUTSIDER: OK, YOUR HIRED! IF I FIND YOU ARE ON TWO PAYROLLS AND SHOW ANY
372 HESITATION, I THINK BOTH ACCOUNTS WILL NO LONGER NEED TO PAY YOU, AS WHAT
373 CAN A CORPSE DO WITH MONEY? HERE IS YOUR MISSION:
374   1) FIND PAM AT ALL COSTS. $100 DOLLARS FOR NO SUCESS,
375      $1000 DOLLARS FOR HER LOCATION, AND $10,000 DOLLARS FOR HER RETURN.
376   2) FIND OUT THE CONNECTIONS BETWEEN ALL THE TERRORISTS OUT THERE.
377      I.E. SALAZAR, WASSIR, MCKANE, MONSIEUR D'AUTUN, AND ANY OTHERS
378      FEE WILL BE $50 DOLLARS FOR EACH REPORT GIVEN.
379 
380 GOOD LUCK! I'M COUNTING ON YOU.
381 
382 NINJA: OK, LET'S GO! I WANT SOMETHING, THOUGH. TO AUGMENT MY TALENT, I
383 LAY CLAIM ON ANY SCROLLS OR BOOKS FOUND. IS THAT FAIR?
384 OFF WE GO!(I CONJURE A BOOK ON THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE UN-COOPERATIVE WIZARDS
385 AND START READING AVIDLY, STILL FOLLOWING THE NINJA)
386                                                    JONATHAN CHANCE
387 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
388 "GOOD MORNING! WORM YOUR HONOR! THE CROWN WILL PLAINLY SHOW THAT THE
389 PRISIONER WHO NOW STANDS BEFORE YOU WAS CAUGHT RED HANDED SHOWING FEELINGS,
390 SHOWING FEELINGS OF AN ALMOST HUMAN NATURE! THIS WILL NOT DO!"
391 ALBUM 2, SIDE 2, 2ND TO LAST SONG
392 THE WALL
393 ;;;;;PINK;;;;;
394 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
395 BARD: THANKS FOR THE INFO. I WILL BE SURE TO BE CAREFUL WHEN I USE THE
396 THING! (ALPHIE, YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS STUFF!)
397 (I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE SERIOUS. I SEE NOW YOU ARE. OVER AND OUT)
398 FAST FRED: HE DOES, DOES HE? CAN HE TAKE CARE OF, SAY, A STEEL BALL IN
399 YOUR BRAIN OR HEART? IF SO, I WOULD SURE LIKE TO MEET HIM AND SEE IF HE
400 CAN DO IT TO HIMSELF! I DON'T WANT BLOODSHED, PATICULARY MINE, BUT I WILL
401 ACCOMPLISH MY MISSION. PLEASE TRY TO BE COOPERATIVE, OR I WILL HAVE TO 
402 BECOME MOST UNPLEASANT!
403 MONSEIUR D'AUTUN: IF THIS ALL MCKANE ENTERPRISES DOES, I WOULD VERY MUCH
404 LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS AND POSSIBLY JOIN THE GROUP. WHAT DO YOU
405 SAY? THANKS A LOT(I HOPE)!
406 
407 SINCE A GROUP IS HEADING FOR THE WIZARD, I WILL JUST STAY HERE WITH THE
408 OTHER PEOPLE SO I CAN GET TO KNOW THEM BETTER" (AND WATCH THEM!)
409                                                    COMMANDER LACELLS
410 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
411 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
412 HEY PEOPLE!  Before we get any further maybe we should
413 get a BROOM.  I believe that is the
414 price we must pay to visit the Wizard.
415 
416  Soooooo, I think we should hesad to the wicked Witch of the nNorth (or
417 WEST?).
418 All in agreement, say aye.
419 
420 
421 FOTI
422 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
423 off
424 
425 Dearest Monsieur d'Autun:
426 
427     I too am outraged at the extremely infantile campaign of slander 
428 and malice being directed at the obviously irreproachable Mr. McKane.
429 Being a lover of fuzzy things and small personal weapons myself,
430 I am distressed to see Mr. McKane so viciously attacked when he cannot
431 defend himself. I would be delighted to join the McKane organization
432 and help eliminate the perpetrator of these nefarious acts.
433                                          Eagerly awaiting your reply,
434                                                  Mr. Tim
435 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
436 Dear Mr. French guy;
437      I'm sorry to say I won't be joining the McKane organization.  He's
438 too slippery for my tastes.  Besides I like to sit back and analyse, not
439 get involved.  Wasn't McKane involved in the theft of 10,000 Barbie dolls
440 from the Children's Orphage a couple of years ago?  Just wondering.
441                                          Dr. Frankenstupe
442 +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
443 
444 HessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHess
445      It seems to me I remember something about that episode.
446 Didn't he take the Ken dolls too and try to sell them to the
447 Iranians as pigmy mercenaries? I never did hear what he did
448 with all those barbie dolls though, did you happen to hear?
449      I never was too fond of that guy especially after he
450 renigded on that contract and I had to hire the British to 
451 do the job instead.
452 HessHessHessHessHessHess Rudolf HessHessHessHessHessHess
453 ***********************************************************************
454 DON'T FOOL YOURSELVES. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING, AND HE'S NOT GOING TO
455 LET THIS CRAP GO ON FOREVER! AS SOON AS HE GETS ENOUGH INFO. TO BREAK
456 YOU..........LOOK OUT!
457 **********************************************************************
458 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
459 The piper shook his head in bewilderment.  Well, reality had coalesced
460 into one, but which one?  Oh well...  
461 ( apprentice -- I hope Fast Freddy didn't have any fillings in his 
462 teeth if you removed all foriegn substances from his body!)
463 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
464 ////////////////////////////////
465 "one of these days i'm going to smash you into little pieces"
466 "one of these days"
467 side 1 trac 1
468 "meddle"
469 ///////////////////////floyd/////
470 "Don't worry, I had to remove everything last time, because I didn't
471 know which substances were causing the problem. This time I can be more
472 specific. And if I did remove his fillings I'd repair the tooth. That is the
473 way the spells work!"
474 ....................................the apprentice..........................
475 McKane: I suggest` that you find someone else to bother. Or would you rather
476 I started to use some "negotiation" tricks I learned from the Klingon
477 Diplomatic Corps?
478 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
479 :*************************************************************:
480 
481 Commander Lacells
482 Mr. Tim
483 Outsider
484 
485 Congratulations
486 
487 You have been accepted into the McKane organization. As 
488 crusaders against Albanian progaganda and terrorism your lives 
489 will now take on added meaning and purpose. I'm sure your 
490 friends and family are proud and happy for you.
491 
492 Your first assignment is to infiltrate the Albanian 
493 Revolutionary Party. Gather whatever information you can about 
494 Albanian terrorism, the Phoenix Egg, or the abduction of PAM 
495 and report back to me. Your loyalty and right-thinking 
496 patriotism will be well rewarded.
497 
498 Accomplish this task and you are on your way towards earning 
499 your first warm fuzzy animal. Good Luck.
500 
501                      Monsieur d'Autun
502 
503 :*************************************************************:
504 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
505    I suddenly felt much better.  Reality shifting can be
506 very tiring.  
507    Ok, guys, as long as the state of the universe is slightly
508 stable at the moment, I have a few questions:
509     1) Where is everyone going?
510     2) why are you all going there?
511     3) why the sudden intrest in fuzzy animals?
512        (although I do like the suckers)
513     4) commander:whose side are you on anyway?
514 
515      I better get another ale and a seat before I hear this one.
516                       Fast Fred
517                       BSAL
518 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
519 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
520    I like fuzzy animals too. everyone needs a fuzzy animal some time.
521 But what is the connection to Mckane?  Is he running for office and hoping
522 to get the humane society vote?
523                   Bo
524 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
525 :*************************************************************:
526 
527 OUTSIDER: You needn't be concerned about Jonathan Chance's 
528 threat about getting killed if you are on two payrolls. The 
529 McKane organization is a non-profit charitable trust. Though 
530 you will recieve substantial performance bonuses there is no 
531 payroll so you are in no immediate danger.
532 
533 Since the McKane organization offers full back-up support for 
534 its agents I'll give you some help on your assignment for Mr. 
535 Chance.
536 
537 1) Mohammed Wassir has PAM. He will deny it but it is true.
538 
539 2) Salazar, Wassir, Serena work closely with the Albanian 
540 terrorists. Fast Fred, the Bard, and Rudolf Hess are suspected 
541 sympathizers. 
542 
543 I hope this is helpful. Good Luck.
544 
545                      Monsieur d'Autun
546 
547 :*************************************************************:
548 
549 Dr. Frankenstupe & Rudolph:
550 
551 The blatant misinformation you are spreading about the Barbie 
552 Doll affair is another example of vicious lies designed to 
553 besmirch the good name of McKane.
554 
555 The truth is that the director of the Orphanage Association 
556 approached Mr. McKane concerning a Barbie Doll shortage that 
557 was breaking the hearts of the poor underprivledged little 
558 waifs. Mr. McKane, always the good citizen, collected 10,000
559 Kens and 10,000 Barbies and arranged for them to be married.
560 
561 After the ceremony the dolls were taken for a romantic honey- 
562 moon in the African bush. With the assistance of fertility 
563 rites performed by the Pigmy Shaman the dolls proliferated, 
564 making it possible for the unfortunate little children to all 
565 have a doll.
566 
567 Once again, Mr. McKane's goodness of heart has been destorted 
568 for the evil purposes of the Alabanian Revolution. I know that 
569 you gentlemen are probably innocent dupes who were taken in by 
570 this highly sophisticated campaign of lies. However, I beg 
571 that in the future you think twice before repeating such 
572 slanderous and misleading information.
573 
574                        Thank You
575 
576                        Monsieur d'Autun
577 
578 :*************************************************************:
579 Dear Mr. d'Autun:
580      I do believe that the reason the McKane organization is non-profit is
581 because Leroy skims all the profits  right off the top.  As for the dolls,
582 delivery must be delayed.  The little kiddies at the Orphanage haven't 
583 received them yet.  Wassir may be a terrorist, but he's kind to his mother.
584                                          Dr. Frankenstupe
585 +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_
586 
587 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
588 
589 I'M NEW TO ALL THIS CRAZINESS.  PERHAPS SOMEONE CAN TELL ME WHICH
590 SIDE TO JOIN (OR ELSE!).  THINK OF ME AS A MERCINARY.  I'M NOT
591 CHEAP, BUT I'M WORTH IT.
592                                         MR. T 
593 
594 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
595 FOR SALE:
596 TRS 80 LINE PRINTER VII. DOT MATRIX,GRAPHICS. CABLE FOR COCO AND ATARI
597 CABLE FOR ATARI REQUIRES SOFTWARE PROVIDED (USES JOYSTICK PORTS).
598 ALSO FOR SALE IS A MODEM I (TRS-80). HARDLY BEEN USED.
599 MODEM=$10.00      PRINTER = $50.00
600 
601 
602 FOR LAST MESSAGE... CALL 640-xxxx IF INTERESTED
603 ********-*********-***********-*********-**********-**********-********
604 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
605 My dearest Leroy;
606      What's the score chum.  I thought we parted on friendly terms, but of
607 late I've noticed a smear campaign against the ALBANIAN REVOLUTIONARY PARTY
608 and myself.  This in intolerable.  If this continues I will have to take
609 action with extreme prejudice (get the hint, scumball).  Salazar is unaware
610 that you are in the area, but I'm sure he would be very interested in your
611 location.  Both you and I know you're not in South America, so give me a
612 break before I break your arm.  Also please don't send those amatuers in
613 my direction.  I hate to waste innocents.  As for Pam, I ain't got her, but
614 if I do; you'll be the first to know.
615                                             With warmest regards,
616                                             Mohammed Wassir
617                                             <The Irate Albanian>
618  Now, if I can only find my way out of this nasty forest.  Who just flew
619 over on that broom?
620 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
621 Mr. McKane;
622 #338 reporting. Observation continues; situation is same: unstable and
623 without direction. When reality settles to index-.05 I shall resume the
624 operation. Unusual static levels on this level; contact on level j-3*^
625 from now on.
626                #G.T.#

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