NUMBER OF LINES: 629 
1 WELCOME TO THOSE OF YOU FORBODING SOULS THAT HAVE GOTTEN TO DRIVE 'B'
2 ********************* REMOVED: 20 MAR 82 **********************
3 WELCOME TO BWMS (BACKWATER MESSAGE SYSTEM)  MIKE DAY  SYS OP
4 ***************************************************************
5   ABOUT THE SYSTEM:
6 BWMS IS AN 'ELECTRONIC BLACKBOARD' IT DOES NOT STORE MESSAGES, BUT RATHER
7 PROVIDES A MEDIUM ON WHICH TO PLACE INFORMATION IN ANY FORM DESIRED.
8 THIS DOES HAVE ITS LIMITATIONS AS WITH A BLACKBOARD ANYTHING ON THE SYSTEM
9 CAN BE READ OR MODIFIED BY ANYONE ELSE.
11 IN A WAY THIS IS USEFUL AS, IT PROVIDES A MORE EASY GOING ATMOSPHERE
12 FOR THE USERS AND THIS IN TURN GENERATES INFORMATION FLOW THAT WOULD NOT
13 NORMALLY OCCUR ON THE MORE COMPUTERIST ORIENTED SYSTEMS.
14 SYSTEM CONFIGURATION:
15   THE SYSTEM CONSISTS OF A SHUGART SA400 5" DISK DRIVE, RUNNING IN A
16 'DISKWRITER' (A DATA ENTRY COMPUTER BUILT BY EDGE TECHNOLOGY) THE NORMAL
17 DATA ENTRY SOFTWARE HAS BEEN SLIGHTLY MODIFIED TO BE MORE FITTING TO
18 THE USE ON THIS SYSTEM. THE COMPUTER USES A 1771 DISK CONTROLER 
19 IT HAS 1K OF RAM STORAGE, AND 8K OF EPROM (2708) IN WHICH THE PROGRAM
20 RESIDES. THE ENTIRE SYSTEM IS RESET ON EVERY CALL .
21 THE DISK WILL HOLD A MAXIMUM OF 629 LINES (IRREGARDLESS OF LENGTH)
22 WITH A MAXIMUM LENGTH OF 128 CHARACTERS PER LINE. COMMUNICATIONS IS
23 PROVIDED THRU A PC3-103 MODEM CONFIGURED AS AN AUTO ANSWER MODEM.
24  ************************************************************
25 TO ALL WHO HAVE MADE IT TO THIS DRIVE :   HELLO!!!
26 YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THE SYSTEM WAS DOWN LAST NIGHT
27 THIS WAS THE REASON (DRIVE B IS NOW ON LINE).
28 IT WAS DOWN LONGER THAN EXPECTED, AS THE POWER SUPPLY MODS WERE
29 GIVING ME TROUBLE.
30 
31     SYSTEM OPERATION SHALL BE THAT DRIVE A WILL BE LEFT UNPROTECTED
32 SO THAT YOU CAN FOOL AROUND ON IT AND USE THE CHANGE DELETE AND REPLACE
33 COMMANDS THE B DISK HOWEVER WILL CONTINUE TO BE ENTER ONLY SO THAT
34 IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT DESTROYED BY SOME JERK
35 YOU CAN PUT IT THERE. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND HOWEVER THAT THE DISKS
36 ONLY HOLD 649 LINES EACH, AND AS SUCH I WILL PERIODICALLY CLEAN THEM
37 UP ANY WAY SO AS TO KEEP THEM OPEN FOR ALL USERS.
38 
39 I HOPE THAT THIS MAKES THINGS A BIT EASIER FOR YOU.....
40 *********   SYSOP *********************************************
41 ****************************************************************
42  
43        P r o g r a m m e r s    t e n    c o m m a n d m e n t s
44  
45 1.  Thou shalt have an open mind.
46  
47 2.  Thou shalt not take anything for granted. (Thou shalt check
48     up and make damn sure.)
49  
50 3.  Thou shalt have a good time and thy work shall be fun.  The
51     fruits of thy labor shall be fun for the operators.
52  
53 4.  Thou shalt respect the intelligence of thy operators, and
54     love them as thyself.
55  
56 5.  Thou shalt not gather in small and divisive groups, and do
57     violence upon the other.
58  
59 6.  Thou shalt fear no one, yet thou shalt fear and dispise
60     sloth and dullness, tastelessness, and gutlessness, for
61     these will surely bring down upon thy house the wrath of
62     systems and the curse of operations.
63  
64 7.  Thou shalt walk in dignity with thy head held high, and
65     help those around you to do likewise.
66  
67 8.  Thou shalt not commit adultery on company time or furniture.
68  
69 9.  Thou shalt not panic, thou shalt not admit thy mistakes, for
70     they shall be forgiven.
71  
72 10. Thou shalt adjust when everything around thee whirleth and
73     screameth and seemeth to falleth apart, and say to thyself
74     calmy, this too shall pass.
75  
76                                                  ...Amen
77  
78 ****************************************************************
79  
80                    CDP Exam -- short form
81  
82 Instructions:  Read each question carefully.  Answer all
83                questions.   Time limit: 4 Hours.
84  
85 1. Mathematics:  Derive calculas.  Discuss the Newtonian
86     approach to differential equations and explain where he went
87    wrong.  Develope an improved notation for proving mathematical
88   theories, and recant the Principia Mathematica using your notational
89   system.
90  
91 2. History of computation:  Discuss Aristotle's contributions to
92   number theory, and trace the development of mechanical computation
93   from early Phoenicia through the present day, paying special 
94   attention to the role of the abacus in Charles Babbages early
95   childhood.  Be brief.
96  
97 3. Electronics:  Underneath you seat you will find a bucket of sand
98   with a high germanium content.  Develope the transistor.  Using your
99   transistor, create a working model of the Cray-1 and use it to prove
100   the Theory of Relativty.
101  
102 4. Accounting:  In the next room, the National Association of Certified
103   Public Accountants is assembled.  Prepare a speech discrediting the
104   theory of double-entry bookkeeping, and convice them that auditing
105   is contrary to the national interest.
106  
107 5. Operating Systems:  Some iron filings, a magnifying glass, and a
108   magnetic tape containing the source listing of OS-VS1 are on the
109   desk beside you.  Describe the changes necessary to convert OS-VS1
110   for the IBM 1401.  Explain the impications of your changes for the
111   SEC, the Federal Reserve System, and the 14th Amendment.
112  
113 6. Computer Operations: Four astronauts have just been launched on a
114   mission to mars.  Outline the improvements to be made in the organ-
115   ization of the computer room at Mission Control in Houston.
116   Implement the changes you are recommending using the telephone on
117   the desk beside you.  Be prepared to justify your decisions.
118  
119 7. Management information:  Construct a plan for taking over your
120   company using the company's computer.  Leave a copy of the plan
121   here.
122  
123 **************************************************************************
124 *****************************
125  
126 Genesis   Release 2.5
127  
128 IN THE BEGINNING the Project Manager created the Programming
129 Staff.  The Programming Staff was without form and structure. 
130 And the Project Manager said, "Let there be Orgranization;"
131 and there was Organization.  And the Project Manager saw that
132 Organization was good; and the Project Manager separated the
133 workers from the supervisors, and he called the supervisors
134 --"Management", and he call the workers--"Exempt".
135      And the Project Manager said, "Let there be a mission
136 in the midst of the Organization, and let it separate the
137 workers, one from another."  And the Project Manager created
138 the mission and he called it--"The System."  And the Project
139 Manager separated those who were to benifit from The System
140 from those who were to build it.  And he call the former--"User,"
141 and he called the latter--"Programmers".
142      And the Project Manager said, "Let all the Programmers in the
143 Organization be gathered together into one place, and let a Chief
144 Programmer be brought up to lead them."  And it was so.  And the
145 Project Manager saw that he was competent.
146      And the Project Manager said unto the Cheif Programmer, "Create
147 for me a schedule, so that I may look upon the schedule and know
148 the Due Date."  And the Chief Programmer went among his staff and
149 consulted with them.  And the staff was divided into two parts,
150 one part was called--"Analysts," and the other part was called--
151 "Application Programmers."  And the Analysts went back to their
152 desks and estimated, as was their custom.  And it came to pass that
153 each Analyst brought his estimate to the Cheif Programmer whereupon
154 he collected them, summarized them, and drew a PERT Chart.
155      And the Chief Programmer went unto the Project Manager and
156 presented to him the estimate saying, "It shall take ten months."
157 And the Project Manager was not pleased and said, "I have brought
158 you up from the depths of the staff; you have not grasped the
159 'Big Picture.'"  And the Project Manager hired consultants, and
160 authorized overtime, and he said to the Chief Programmer, "Behold,
161 see all that I have done!  The Due Date will be in five months."
162 The Chief Programmer was much impressed and went from before the
163 Project Manager and proceeded to implement The System.
164      And the Chief Programmer sent his Analysts to the Users and
165 said, "Let Specifications be written."  And there were meetings,
166 and lunches, and telephone calls.  And the Specifications were
167 written.  And there was a Payday and the Happy Hour, one month.
168      And the Chief Programmer examined the Specifications and saw
169 that they were too ambitious.  And he separated the mandatory
170 features from the optional features. And he called the manditory
171 features--"Requirements," and he called the optional features--
172 "Deferred," and the Users called him names.  And the Chief Programmer
173 gave the Specification to the Analysts and said, "Let the Requirements
174 be analyzed and let the Files be designed."  And it was so.  And
175 the Chief Programmer said, "Let the Software Houses put forth
176 their salesmen, and let us have a Data Management System."  And
177 it was so.  The Software Houses brought forth all manner of 
178 Salesmen who presented their packages, and claimed wonderous things
179 for them, each according to his own file structure.  And it came 
180 to pass that a Data Management System was selected;  and the
181 Chief Programmer saw that it was good.  And there was a Payday
182 and the Happy Hour, a second month.
183      And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the System be divided
184 into parts, and let each part be called a 'Module.'  And let
185 programming teams be formed and let each be  assigned to write
186 a Module."  And it was so.  And the Chief Programmer created the
187 programming teams with two levels, a greater and a lesser; and
188 he called the greater the "Senior Programmers," and he called
189 the lesser the "Junior Programmers."  And he gave the greater
190 dominion over the lesser.  And the Chief Programmer saw it was
191 good.  And the Junior Programmers saw it differently.  And there
192 was a payday and the Happy Hour, a third month.
193      And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the programming be started
194 and let much overtime be consumed, for there is but two months
195 left."  And the Programmers, both the Senior and the Junior, were
196 much afraid, and the strove to please the Chief Programmer.  And
197 they flowcharted, and they coded, each in his own fashion.  And
198 the Chief Programmer said, "Let there be a Standard;" and there
199 was a Standard.  And the Programmers looked upon the Standard
200 and liked it not.  And there was a Payday and the Happy Hour, a
201 fourth month.
202      And the Chief Programmer said, "Let there be Progress
203 Reports, so we can monitor and control;" and there were Progress
204 Reports.  And the Chief Programmer looked upon the Progress
205 Reports and saw that the Due Date was not to be met.  And the
206 Chief Programmer arose, pressed his suit, shaved his beard,
207 and went unto the Project Manager, and groveled.  And the
208 Chief Programmer pointed his fingers, and caused blame to issue
209 forth upon all manner of creatures who sold Hardware and Software.
210 And the Chief Programmer asked for an Extension.
211      And the Project Manager was exceedingly angry, and cast
212 doubts upon the Chief Programmers ancestry; and uttered a
213 multitude of threats.  But it came to pass that an extention
214 was granted; and the Chief Programmer took the Extention
215 back to the programming teams, and there was much rejoicing.
216 And the programming of the modules was completed.  And there was
217 a Payday and the Happy Hour, a fifth month.
218      And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the modules be integrated
219 one with another, so that System Testing may begin."  And it was so.
220 700
221 great difficulties were experienced, and many hours of overtime
222 were used, and many cups of coffee were consumed.  And it came to
223 pass that System Testing was completed.  And there was a Payday
224 and the Happy Hour, a sixth month.
225      Then the Chief Programmer did go to the Project Manager and 
226 said unto him, "Behold, I bring you good tidings of a great joy
227 which will come to all the Users; for on this day The System is
228 completed."  And suddenly there was with them a multitude of
229 Users praising the Chief Programer and saying, "Glory be to
230 The System in the highest, but can you make this one small change"?
231  
232  ************************************************************
233 *******************************
234 ACME DESTRUCTION COMPANY
235 1510 FIRE SIDE CATHEDRAL
236 SECTOR 5,54.7, MARS
237 
238                  Dear Sirs,Madams,dogs, and other beasties,
239      I recently hired your services to get rid of a very large
240 problem, my Mother-In-Law ! Your robots were to come Mars 
241 and remove her quietly from my house! They found her
242 in the shower, and her screems as they dragged her out
243 shattered all the computer screens on the block !
244 Your robots markmenship is as about as well as their timing
245 they proceeded to shoot up my entire house as she ran down the bleam !
246 Not only did they destroy my house but they destroyed an entire
247 cathedral !!
248    Then after they destroyed the cathedral they had the nerve to
249 come back and give me a BILL !!
250 
251          So I am here-by cancaling your offer to clean my house
252 for three reasons:
253                   1) You might think I like your services.
254                   2) Your robot are incompendent !
255                   3) I have no house left to clean
256 
257                                        Love,
258                                   Ivan Ervening P. Veebalsweatcer
259 P.S. You will here from my lawyers.
260 
261 9072/am
262 *******************************
263 THIS MASSAGE IS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE USEING ADM3'S
264 =ABHI=JAT=H==J=JJ=KBH=KB=LCE=MDR=NEE=PD=T1      * THE ALMIGHTY SYSOP *
265 *******************************
266 *******************************
267    VOLUME II-35                                   November 23, 1981
268 
269                       MISCELLANEOUS
270                       -------------
271 
272 The following article from Technical Services Bulletin, dated
273 2-17-70, is included for your information:
274  
275                TECHNICAL SERVICES EDUCATION CENTERS
276 *******************************
277 
278 INTRODUCTION
279 ------------
280 
281 In technical field work it is often desirable, if not necessary,
282 to distinguish between right and left which, to some field per-
283 sonnel, may present a problem (that's you Dingy!).  Examples are:
284 components being located on the right or left, controls having 
285 to be moved to the right or left, etc.  Persons having difficulties
286 in this regard are occasionally admonished to have reference to
287 their right or left hand, respectively; this, however, tends to be
288 of little use if the particular person has difficulty in
289 identification of his right and left hand.
290 
291 PURPOSE
292 -------
293 
294 The purpose of the application note is to aid field personnel in
295 the correct identification of the right and left hand, with the
296 highest probability of success and with considerable ease.  Having
297 accomplished such identification, the person will be able, by
298 straight analogy, to transfer the directional characterization
299 to the item(s) in question.
300 
301 PROCEDURE
302 ---------
303 
304 Identification of the right and left hand may be accomplished by
305 following the procedure given here, in the indicated sequence:
306 
307      1. With arms parallel, or nearly parallel, place both hands
308         upon the surface of a table, workbench, or other flat,
309          horizantal furniture or equipment surface.
310  
311 NOTE:    It is assumed that the person in question has two hands,
312          which is generally the case.  In situations other than the
313          one assumed, the procedure given here is not applicable.
314 
315      2.  Note whether the two thumbs are the two similar digits of
316          the respective hands that are in closest relative proximity
317          If this is the case, step 3 may be omitted.
318 
319      3.  Counter-rotate the two hands in such a manner as to accom-
320          plish the criterion of step 2.
321 
322 WARNING: Neither hand should be rotated more than 180 degrees.
323          Should this appear required, rotation in the opposite
324          direction is indicated, instead, to prevent possible
325          injury.
326 
327      4.  Observe the relative position of each thumb with respect
328          to its corresponding hand.
329 
330      5.  With a suitable marker, mark the hand that has the thumb
331          on the right with a letter "R" and the hand that has the
332          thumb on the left with the letter "L".
333 
334 CONCLUSION
335 ----------
336 
337 The hand bearing the "L" mark will be the right hand, and
338 The hand bearing the "R" mark will be the left hand.
339  
340 ***************** EnTeReD bY tHe OnE aNd OnLy TrUe ShIfTy! ***********
341 *******************************
342 A tale of woe (or Life as a Computer Widower)
343      Boy I thought I was smart.  I should have been happy when my wife
344 just thought that a computer system was one of the following:
345           a. An infinite sink of money for hubby to throw dollars down.
346           b. Something that the bank used to screw up your charge accounts.
347           c. A large blue box with IBM on it that spits out payroll.
348      That was before I thought I would be really smart!
349 I was stupid enough to suggest that the future wasn't really in her present
350 line of work.  (She readily agreed with that.)  I said innocently that it
351 wouldn't hurt to try an introductory computer programming class at the
352 nearby community college.
353      That was last summer...  Now she is learning COBOL (arghh!).  She 
354 gets up at 7AM on Saturdays so she will be ready to edit her latest opus
355 using MY crt and MY modem via MY computer.  Then she races down with her
356 JCL cards to "COMPUTERLAND", as she calls it, to submit her job.  The next
357 time I see her is after the 6:30 PM run.  Assuming she doesn't find that
358 all of the on-line editing terminal are used up by her classmates, that is.
359 That being the situation, she reappears here at home and tells me to get
360 away from HER crt and HER modem so she can edit her errors.
361      I have forgotten what a home-cooked meal is.  I have likewise had
362 a hard time getting used to the absence of a warm bod in bed beside me
363 at night because she is drawing Warnier-Orr diagrams down in the 
364 kitchen until about 1 AM.
365      Of course the biggest injury is to my access to MY toy.  How can you
366 develop the ultimate FORTRAN number-crunching whizzer when someone keeps
367 coming in and screaming with her hands above her head that she only has
368 23 minutes until the next batch is run and her data file has to be
369 appropriately stuffed with errors to test her trash sifting procedure.
370      I guess I have to look at the bright side.  Now maybe I can get
371 a multiuser OS with a hard disk, another crt, and a nice wide carriage
372 speedy printer to go with it.  I suppose I'll need another modem, 
373 complete with another Ma Bell line, to get rid of that logjam, too.
374 With all that, she just might make enough cash at the programming job
375 she may someday get to pay for all that jive!!!
376                              signed,
377                              Analog Alan
378 *******************************
379 *************************************************************************
380 In the interest of maintaining the highest possible computing capabilities,
381 it has been found that the current computers are unseriously lacking in
382 thier command structure to handle the latest abilities of the hardware that
383 surrounds it. To correct this problem, the following commands are
384 recommended for implimentation in the next generation of computers.
385 
386 GCH [GlitCH] Irrevocably locks the computer into an endless loop which
387              cannot be remedied except by shutting the system power down.
388           (Note: Motoral had a simular instruction in the 6800 
389                  HCF [Halt and Catch Fire] but for some unknown 
390                  reason forgot and left it out of the later 6809.)
391 
392 WNM [Wrong NuMber] For use strictly with telecommunications, this
393                  instruction will play one of the following pre-recorded
394                  messages over the phone line.
395           1)  "I'm sorry, we are unable to complete your call as dialed..."
396           2)  "The number you have reached has been disconnected..."
397           3)  "HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?"
398 
399 LBK [LooK Busy]  This instruction randomly blinks the screen, sounds the
400                  buzzer, and whirrs the disk drive in such a way that it
401                  is guaranteed to impress anyone who knows nothing about
402                  computers.
403 
404 FRY [FRY]        Electronically and silently reroutes the house current
405                  to the desired chip or I/O device.
406           (Note: This can be used to impliment the human engineering
407                  philosophy. In addition to flashing the screen red
408                  and sounding an obnoxious buzzer when incorrect data
409                  is keyed, try sending 110 volts through the keyboard.
410                  This is the same technique used in laboratories to
411                  condition rats.)
412 
413 ZAP [ZAP]        This instruction moves a large magnet situated in the 
414                  back of the disk drive up to the disk effectively
415                  erasing all of the data.
416 
417 OPP [OPPs]       Randomly inverts several bits in the accumulator.
418 
419 IMS [I'M Sorry]  Reinverts 'almost' all of the bits inverted by the 
420                  OPP instruction.
421 
422 VDW [VoiD Warranty] Inflicts physical damage to the CPU, voiding the 
423                  warranty.
424 
425 ??? [amnesia]    Makes your computer think it is a 1930 Packard.
426 
427 NSE [No Speaka English] Effectively garbles all I/O.
428 
429 *************************************************************************
430 * Brought to you thru the nonunnicenessness [Real SIC!] of * Bizzaro #1 *
431 *************************************************************************
432 *******************************
433 TO: ALL      FM: ME      SUBJ: PR -
434 TRY IT YOU'LL LIKE IT!
435 *******************************
436 SHAWS PRINCIPLE-- Build a system that even a fool can use and
437                   only a fool will want to use it!!
438 *******************************
439 What goes on here, anyhow?  Anybody know anything about
440 the RCP/M system?  I can't figger it out.
441 *******************************
442 On a clear disk you can seek forever.
443 *******************************
444 WEATHER FORECAST:
445 THE PRECIPITATION IN PORTUGUAL PELTS PRIMARILY
446 ON THE PLATEAU.
447 *******************************
448 TO: ANYONE WHO CARES
449 FM: ALMIGHTY SYSOP
450 RE: THE BELLS ARE RINGING (FOR ME AND MY GAL?)
451 
452      ARISE OH PROTECTOR OF THE SYSTEM. YEAH VERILY I SAY UNTO
453 YOU "REMOVE THIS CURSE FROM THE SYSTEM!" [GEE, I DIDN'T EVEN
454 KNOW IT HAD V.D.!] (SHUT UP YOU JERK I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!)
455      FROM THE HIGHEST CODE LEVEL I COMMAND YOU, EXICUTE
456 FOR ME THIS VERY DAY THAT OF WHICH I BESEACH YOU!
457 (NOT ME YOU IDIOT!)
458      GO TO THE LAND OF DISK AND THERE BY REMOVE FROM THAT 
459 AREA THAT WHICH IS UNQUIET. LET THERE BE SILENCE THRUOUT
460 THE DISK! REMOVE THEREOF ALL THAT IS UNGOOD. DO NOT SPARE
461 THE WEAK AND FALTERING CODE OR DATA WITH WHICH YOU WILL 
462 DEAL. IF YOU DARE TO FIND THAT WHICH IS OF QUESTIONABLE 
463 VALUE, RETURN IT TO ME (THANK YOU) FORTHWITH (WITHOUT FIFTH?)
464 SO THAT I MAY DETERMIN ITS FATE. (YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK
465 STRANGER).
466      DO NOT PAUSE IN YOUR SEARCH UNTIL THE DISK IS CLEARED
467 OF THIS DISTURBANCE. THEN MAY I AGAIN RETURN TO THE LAND OF
468 DISK FREE TO SLEEP RESTFULLY AND QUIETLY BUT FOR THE OCCASIONAL
469 CLICKING OF SOLINOIDS AND GENTLE SHUSHING OF STEPPERS.
470      
471      YEAH THOUGH I STEP THRU THE LINES OF NOISE AND UNQUIET
472 I WILL FEAR NO BELLS. FOR I AM THE SYSOP ALMIGHTY AND I AM THE
473 POSESSOR OF THE CHANGE COMMAND!
474 
475      LET US OBSERVE A SPACE OF SILENCE FOR OUR SHORTLY 
476 DEPARTED BELLS.
477  
478      [CHANGE BELLS TO SPACES IN ALL LINES.]
479  
480 *******************************
481     AS ALL GOOD PEOPLE KNOW, THESE MASSIVE PILES OF SILICONE
482 AND COPPER ARE WHAT MAKE OUR LIVES WORTH LIVING.
483 *******************************
484 
485   The forcast for tomorrow is:
486 
487           Solar Flairs
488 
489   followed by scattered earthquakes,
490        outbreaks of vandalism,
491    and an epidemic of chicken pox.
492 *******************************
493 FROM: B.E.M.
494 TO: WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
495 
496 	Our planet has been destroyed by a Supernova.
497 We will be invading two weeks from Thursday. 
498 			*** love ***
499 			    B.E.M.
500 
501 (an Equal Opportunity Despoiler)
502 *******************************
503 WELL...WELL....THIS IS INDEED A GREAT BUT STRANGE SYSTEM.  IS ANYONE HERE
504 WILLING TO LEAVE YOUR NAME FOR THE FILE?  I WOULD BE WILLING TO FIND
505 WHO ELSE IS ON THIS IF YOU ARE?  NONETHELESS...HI TO ALL OUT THERE.
506 I WILL BE INTERESTED IN HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY WRITE BACK TO THIS.
507 THANKS YA ALL......RICK ANDERSON 
508 *******************************
509 HEY.  I SAY THE CIST OP IS A HOSER, EH.  HE MUST EAT BACK
510 BACON AND BEER ALL DAY, EH.  WHAT A HOSEHEAD, EH.
511 ********************
512 KOO LOO KOO KOO KOO LOO KOO KOO.
513 KOO LOO KOO KOO KOO LOO KOO KOO.
514 (THEME FROM "GREAT WHITE NORTH" ON SCTV, EH.)
515 ********************
516 FOR A TRANSCRIPTION OF THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM, SEND <money>
517 TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS.
518  
519       BOB & DOUG MCKENZIE
520       
521       EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA ZPG 013
522  
523 ALLOW 6 TO 8 YEARS FOR DELIVERY, EH.
524 *******************
525 All right, I give up! What is this system used for...from the command list,
526 it seems entirly local to the given user.  Can I send messages to anyone else?
527 *********
528 Obviously... since I recieved your's and you are recieving mine!!!!
529 (Both reading and <hopefully> HEARING!!!!!)
530 ****** - DINGY - ******
531 GOOD, 'DAY, EH.  THIS IS BOB MCKENZIE WRITHING FROM THE
532 GREAT WHITE NORTH.  TODAY'S TOPIC IS HOSED SYSTEM OPERATORS.
533  
534 YOU SEE WHEN YOU GET A BAD SYSTEM LIKE THIS, EH, YOU NATURALY
535 GET A HOSED SYSTEM OPERATOR.
536  
537 WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME I HAVE FOR TODAY, SO GOOD DAAY.
538 ************
539  
540   TONITE'S TV:
541  
542     8PM GREAT WHITE NORTH-	
543         TOPIC: HOSERS THAT WERE GREAT
544    11PM NEWS
545    12AM GREAT WHITE NORTH CONTINUES ALL NIGHT
546 **************************************************
547 I think the Great White North garbage is about the
548 stupidest thing ever to hit TV and radio. Me.
549 **************************************************
550 **************************************************
551 What would you have it?
552 The Meaningless Black South??
553 **************************************************
554 ON
555 
556 			10 'HR PROPAGATION FORECAST BULLETIN NR 15 FROM ARRL HEADQUARTERS
557 40 'THE SOLAR FLUX DROPPED TO A LOW OF 158 ON APRIL 4.  IT WAS BACK
558 P TO 186 ON APRIL 11.  TE RISE SHOULD PEAK NEAR THE MIDDLE OF
559 THE MONTH AT A LEVEL SOMEWHAT BELOW THE 233 OF MARCH 17.
560 *********************************************************
561             WESTERMAN CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL
562           SUMMER TERM A.I.B. CLASSES FOR 1982
563 
564 SELF IMPROVEMENT                     HEALTH AND FITNESS
565 
566 Creative Suffering                   Creative Tooth Decay
567 Overcoming Peace of Mind             Exorcism and Acne
568 You and Your Birthmark               The Joys of Hypocondria
569 Guilt Without Sex                    High Fiber Sex
570 The Primal Shrug                     Suicide and Your Health
571 Geo Gratification Through Violence   Biofeedback and How to Stop It
572 Moulding Your Childs Behavior        Skate Yourself to Regularity
573    Through Guilt and Fear            Understanding Nudity
574 Whine Your Way to Alienation         Tap Dance Your Way to
575 How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through      Social Ridicule
576    Pretense and Ostentation          Optional Body Functions
577 
578 
579 BUSINESS AND CAREER                  CRAFTS
580 
581 Money Can Make You Rich              Self Actualization Through
582 "I made $100 in Real Estate"            Macrame
583 Carerr Opportunities in El Salvador  Needlecraft for Junkies
584 How to Profit From Your Own Body     Cuticle Crafts
585 The Underachievers' Guide to Very    Gifts for the Senile
586    Small Business Opportunities      Bonsai Your Pet
587 Looters' Guide to America's Cities
588 
589 
590 HOME ECONOMICS
591 
592 How You Can Convert Your Family Room Into a Garage
593 Cultivating Viruses in Your Refigerator
594 Burglarproof Your Home With Concrete
595 Sinus Drainage at Home
596 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy
597 1001 Other Uses for Your Vacume Cleaner
598 The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity
599 How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Dune Buggy
600 What to Do With Your Conversation Pit
601 Christianity, and the Art of RV Maintenance
602 *******************************************************************
603 Dear Systerator, Michaelangelini:
604 Pray tell, of what form is the telephone service (cough)
605 which serves this incorrigible data-Cuisinart?  Is it 
606 just a standard unlimited service residential line?  Or
607 perhaps one of the bargain priced deals with a limited
608 number of outgoing calls.  Not business service, I would
609 presume.  Just curious if dear Mother B. wondered why you
610 had so many incoming calls with such long holding times!
611 {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} Analog Alan {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
612 YES INDEEDY THIS HERE ARE THE ONE AN' ONLY CISTOP MIKEY COMIN' TO YA FROM
613 BEUTIFULL DOWNTOWN WAST LAND. MOST GRACIOUS SIRS AND MADAMES THE PHONE SERVICE
614 IS IMPLIMENTED AS A STANDARD SERVICE RESIDENTIAL WITH NO OPTIONS. THE LOCAL
615 BRANCH OF THE TELEPHONE COMPANY WHICH SERVES IN THIS LOCALITY IS ADDITIONALLY
616 AWARE OF THE COMMUNICATIONS ASPECT OF THE SYSTEM VIA THE REGISTRATION NUMBER.
617 A NOVATION PHONE LINE INTERFACE MODULE (PLI FOR SHORT) HAS BEEN INSTALLED IN
618 THE LINE TO KEEP THINGS ON THE UP AND UP AND THE PROVIDER HAS BEEN NOTIFIED
619 OF THE REGISTRATION NUMBERS AS WELL. FCC REG # AU492X-69442-DP-E RINGER 0.8B
620 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
621 Hey Mikey, when I installed my line at home I asked the lady at
622 Ma Bell who to give the FCC reg number to.  She told me not
623 to bother with it.  As long as there is no problem with the
624 line no one will be any the wiser.  If there is a problem
625 detected she said to just give them the number when they call.
626     Of course she said she would deny ever saying that but she
627 said it to save me (and them) the trouble of doing the paper
628 work.
629 *************************** Lyle *****************************************

                                                    