LIST
FILE ON
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STATUS: ALL ALLOWED
NUMBER OF LINES: 609 
1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
2 ********************* REMOVED: 13 FEB 84 *******************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System)  Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6                     PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19 
20 Sighing with relief at being let off the hook for the next round, the 
21 eccentric poet (a redundancy if there ever was one) turned to his companion.
22 "Far be it from me to interfere in such a loving moment of reunion, but I 
23 believe that I might be able to lend some assistance. I was present on the 
24 first evening of up-time weapons fire, and noticed a bald fellow in an odd-
25 looking yellow robe leaving the Inn as I approached. Seeing as I approached
26 from Innisfall, he obviously left to there. Let's begin by asking our fellow
27 patrons if they have seen such a one since. If not, chances are that he 
28 could still be found there." With that, the poet lurched to his feet and 
29 staggered over to the Innkeeper, returning in a moment with news and ale.
30 "He has not been seen since by the Innkeeper. Since I have a personal reason
31 for wishing the man ill, I would like to ask that I be allowed to add my 
32 arms to your efforts and to help bring that peace-disturbing pig's bladder
33 to his just reward."
34 As he spoke these words, he drew from the lining of his cloak what looked 
35 like a six-inch piece of broomstick and an assortment of very small circular
36 saw blades...
37                 && The Mad Actor &&
38 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
39 Evan:The SCA was founded in Berkeley, about 1965. We are a non-profit,
40 educational group, dedicated to the study & preservation of medieval culture.
41 Or to put it another way... We're trying to re-create the Middle Ages.
42 Only we're doing it the way it SHOULD have been! (No Black Death, etc).
43 We have classes in all sorts of things (what kind of things depends
44 on where you are). Most groups have weekly fighting practice, many have classes
45 in medieval dances (both court dances & peasant dances). You can also find
46 people who are interested in calligraphy, cooking, costuming, etc. Oh yes, lest 
47 I forget, there are Bards. (I am not a bard in the SCA, for some reason my 
48 singing seems to provoke the MOST unseemingly behavior. Throwing things, 
49 reaching for knives, etc). Most of the songs I have left here are SCA songs.
50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
51 :*************************************************************:
52 
53 My Dearest Mohammed Wassir:
54 
55 The final task is done. The last Andropov clone is dead. Call 
56 off your goons. I have won.
57 
58 Let there be no cause for bitterness.
59 
60 Let us be friends.
61 
62 I offer my friends the treasures of the world...but I demand 
63 their obedience as their price. 
64 
65 Should you think to deceive me remember Natasha, my sister, 
66 and the horrible price she paid for her disloyalty. 
67 
68 ================
69 
70 Lt. Salazar:
71 
72 Why aren't you sticking up for my interestest?
73 
74 What do you think Myrddin Emrys gave you the $800,000 for?
75 
76 I paid for protection and all I'm getting is romance.
77 
78 With the last Andropov clone dead things are getting really 
79 hot around here. Things are going to be getting a whole lot 
80 hotter for you too, my dear inspector, if you don't 
81 earning some of those big bucks I keep dishing out.
82 
83 I need protection. Don't disappoint me. Remember Natasha.
84 
85 
86                       McKane
87 
88 :************************************************************:
89 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{   0! < 1   }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
90   
91   
92                      Paul Bunyan versus the Conveyor Belt
93                            by: William Hazlett Upson
94   
95      One of Paul Bunyan's most brilliant successes came about, not
96      because of brilliant thinking, but because of Paul's caution and
97      carefulness. This was the famous affair of the conveyor belt.
98   
99      Paul and his mechanic, Ford Fordsen, had started to work a
100      uranium mine in Colorado. The ore was brought out on an endless
101      belt which ran half a mile going into the mine and another half
102      mile coming out--giving it a total length of one mile. It was
103      four feet wide. It ran on a series of rollers and was driven by
104      a pulley mounted on the transmission of Paul's big blue truck,
105      "Babe." The manufacturers of the belt had made it all in one
106      piece, without any splice or lacing, and had put a half-twist in
107      the return part so that the wear would be the same on both sides.
108 
109      After several months' operation the mine gallery had become twice
110      as long, but the amount of material coming out was less. Paul
111      decided he needed a belt twice as long and half as wide. He told
112      Ford Fordsen to take his chain saw and cut the belt in two 
113      lengthwise.
114      "That will give us two belts," said Ford Fordsen. "We'll have to
115      cut them in two crosswise and splice them together. That means
116      I'll have to go to town bad buy materials for two splices."
117      "NO," said Paul. "This belt has a half-twist--which makes it
118      what is known in geometry as a Mobius strip."
119      "What difference does that make?" asked Ford Fordsen.
120      "A Mobius strip," said Paul Bunyan, "has only one side, and one
121      edge, and if we cut it in two lengthwise, it will still be in
122      one piece. We'll have one belt twice as long and half as wide."
123      "How can you cut something in two and have it still in one
124      piece?" asked Ford Fordsen.
125   
126      Paul was modest. He was never opinionated. "Let's try this thing
127      out," he said.
128      They went into Paul's office. Paul took a strip of gummed paper
129      about two inches wide and a yard long. He laid it on his desk
130      with the gummed side up. He lifted the two ends and brought them
131      together in front of him with the gummed sides down. Then he
132      turned one of the ends over, licked it, slid it under the other
133      end, and stuck the two gummed sides together. He had made 
134      himself and endless paper belt with a half-twist in it just 
135      like the big belt on the conveyor.
136      "This," said Paul, "is a Mobius strip. It will perform just 
137      the way I said--I hope."
138      Paul took a pair of scissors, dug the point in the center of 
139      the paper, and cut the paper strip in two lengthwise. And when
140      he had finished, sure enough, he had one strip twice as long,
141      half as wide, and with a double twist in it.
142   
143      Ford Fordsen was convinced. He went out and started cutting the
144      big belt in two. And, at this point, a man called Loud Mouth
145      Johnson arrived to see how Paul's enterprise was coming along
146      and to offer any destructive criticism that might occur to him.
147      Loud Mouth Johnson, being Public Blow Hard Number one, found
148      plenty to find fault with.
149      "If you cut that belt in two lengthwise, you will end up with
150      two belts, each the same length as the original belt, but only
151      half as wide."
152      "No," said Ford Fordsen, "this is a very special belt known as
153      a Mobius strip. If I cut it in two lengthwise, I will end up
154      with one belt twice as long and half as wide."
155      "Want to bet?" said Loud Mouth Johnson
156      "Sure," said Ford Fordsen.
157    
158      They bet a thousand dollars. And, of course, Ford Fordsen won.
159      Loud Mouth Johnson was so astounded that he slunk off and stayed
160      away for six months. When he finally cane back he found Paul
161      Bunyan just starting to cut the belt in two lengthwise for the
162      second time.
163      "What's the idea?" asked Loud Mouth Johnson
164      Paul Bunyan said, "The tunnel has progressed much farther and
165      the material coming out is not as bulky as it was. So I am
166      lengthening the belt again and making it narrower."
167      "Where is Ford Fordsen?"
168      Paul Bunyan said, "I have sent him into town to get some 
169      materials to splice the belt. When I get through cutting it in
170      two lengthwise I will have two belts the same length but only
171      half the width of this one. So I will have to do some splicing."
172   
173      Loud Mouth Johnson could hardly believe his ears. Here was a
174      chance to get his thousand dollars back and show up Paul Bunyan
175      as a boob besides. "Listen," said Loud Mouth Johnson, "when you
176      get through you will have only one belt twice as long and half
177      as wide."
178      "Want to bet?"
179      "Sure."
180   
181      So they bet a thousand dollars and, of course, Loud Mouth
182      Johnson lost again. It wasn't so much that Paul Bunyan was
183      brilliant. It was just that he was methodical. He had tried it
184      out with that strip of gummed paper, and he knew that the
185      second time you slice a Mobius strip you get two pieces--
186      linked together like an old-fasxioned watch chain.
187   
188 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{  The Mesolithic Mathematician  }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
189   
190 ######################################
191 HEY!  More crap from figment of the imagination
192 [DUTIFULLY FLUSHED.]
193       *HA HA HA*
194 ########c#############################
195 ++++++++++-------------------+++++++++++
196 Hey Figment!!!
197 
198    Do you know how many Michael Jacksons
199 fit in ONE Volkswagon????
200 ?
201 ?
202       FIVE!!    Two in the front
203                 Two in the back
204                 and ONE in the
205                    ASHTRAY!!
206         *ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*
207            Doc Spock
208 ########################################
209 88888888888888888
210 masg
211 ?
212 list
213 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hi everyone!
214         This is me again. Yes, I just couldn't stay dead. Sometimes it's a bummer, but I usually can't leave.
215 There are very few things that could stir me and this is one of them. Yes, it's
216 that figment of imagination and any other mindless idiot causing busy signals
217 and messing up this place. I plan on assassinating him as soon as I can talk 
218 Philippe into giving up his get out of heaven free card. Well, I have to be going
219 I hear Andropov has been hanging out here. Maybe we can chat.
220                 The Ninja
221 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
222 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
223 
224 CYM, PAM, Hrothgar, Aaron, d, Anon, Batpoop, etc.:
225 
226     Amazing!  I disappear for a few months and find none of the old 
227 (pardon the expression) user's.  Are you still out there?  My rather ab-
228 rupt departure from BWMS resulted from the sale of my equipment in pre-
229 paration for my forthcoming move to Tokyo.  I am at present using a friends
230 system.  Poetry is fine but I miss the long-winded religious and political
231 discussions of the past.  I must admit, however, using BWMS as a medium
232 for my own poetic inclinations, under the alias of "Apollo".  I'll bet 
233 you never suspected!  As my opportunities to access the system will be
234 somewhat irregular, henceforth, two-way discussions of the previosly 
235 mentioned nature would be difficult.  Once more, however, I would like
236 to sieze this, perhaps my last, opportunity to attack Christianity as 
237 it has attacked American society (and others)  What is the driving force
238 of this religion that prompts the defacation of public and private property?
239 And why do the law enforcement authorities not respond to those who clutter
240 our public streets with "JESUS SAVES FROM HELL", "TRUST JESUS", etc. as
241 they would (and do) to one who writes "SATAN SAVES FROM CHRISTIANITY" or
242 "TRUST THE RAJNEESH"?  Clearly, regardless of the official stand to the
243 contrary, there is little or no separaton of state and religion in practice;
244 lest these destructive persons regardless of their cause, would face 
245 criminal penalties.  I maintain, as before, that these archaic, outdated
246 religions are literally demoralizing and though their indulgence should
247 remain the discretion of the indulgee, they constitute, as they always have,
248 a grave threat to this society when protected and encouraged by the 
249 government thereof.  In conclusion, I would like to request of those of the
250 Christian persuasion, if you should ever happen to find yourself in Japan,
251 please do not attempt to pollute the moral environment with your prehistoric
252 philosophies and dogmas.  9% of Japanese are already Christian.  I find
253 this more than sufficiently threatening.
254 I regret that I was unable to read any responses to my last message.  If
255 you would like to respond to this or any of my previous messages, and you
256 don't mind a slight disruption in continuity, could you please do so in
257 about a week.  Hopefully I will again hve access to the system around 
258 that time.
259 Mikey:  Sorry I forgot you in the opening salutation.  (This also applies
260 to anyone else from "The Olden Days" [1983--that is] whom I forgot.]
261 Ninja:  Anata wa Nihonjin desu ka.  Soo dewa nakereba, naze "Ninja" ni
262 shita ka.       
263 
264                                                           Dirty Ol' Man
265 
266 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
267 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
268 
269          ESTATE SALE
270 
271   Lathe, Drill press, Hydraulic press
272   Miscellaneous shop tools & equipment
273   Furniture & Appliances
274   Electronics parts
275   *****  EVERYTHING CHEAP  *****
276 
277   Saturday February 10, 10am--6pm
278 
279   
280 
281 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
282 
283 I am refreshed to find that someone else here in Stump Town shares a similaropin
284 DELETE
285 -----------------------------------------------
286 THE GENIUS OF KARL KROYER
287 
288 In 1964, the freighter Al Kuwait, all twenty-seven hundred tons of her, capsized and sank to the bottom of Kuwait Harbor.
289 That nation's government might have left her there had she not been carrying a cargo of six thousand sheep!
290 Fear was that the rotting carcasses would poison the harbor.  So the shipping company would be required to clean up its mess.
291 But no one knew how.
292 Neither the Kuwaiti government nor the shipping company had any idea of how to recover those thousands of dead sheep from the
293 bottom of the harbor. 
294 Then someone remembered Karl Kroyer.
295 A Danish inventor.  A genius, some said.  His inventions had earned him a million dollars many times over---his bicycle-wheel
296 rim linings and his various kitchen appliances and his nonskid highway surfacing and all the other profitable patentables on 
297 which his international reputation rested.
298 So the Kuwaiti ship owners called Karl Kroyer.
299 No way to conduct the cleanup operations underwater, Karl decided.  The freighter would first have to be raised to the 
300 surface.
301 The ship owners agreed.
302 But they had tried all the conventional methods of ship raising, and all had failed.
303 Karl said he would think about it.  The Kuwaitis would hear from him soon.
304 They did.
305 Karl dispatched a small vessel to Kuwait Harbor, armed with a long injector hose and 30 BILLION pea-sized polystyrene 
306 pellets.  If hollow, air-sealed, superbuoyant plastic balls could be injected into the sunken ship's hull, the ship itself 
307 would become buoyant and float to the surface.
308 Karl Kroyer's divers descended into Kuwait Harbor, and they carried out his instructions.  The plan worked.  The freighter 
309 was raised to an even keel.  Mission accomplished.
310 Karl's fee was a handsome although not unreasonable $186,000.
311 And word got around.
312 Off the coast of Greenland, a similar situation with a sunken steamer.  They shipowners called Karl Kroyer.  The vessel was
313 raised successfully.
314 Again, off Scotland, same situation.  Kroyer was commissioned and came to the rescue.
315 Finally, Van Den Tak of Holland, Europe's biggest ship-salvage company, joined forces with inventor Kroyer.  And today 
316 polystyrene pellets are used routinely to raise sunken ships which could not have been recovered two decades ago. 
317 Karl Kroyer might really have cashed in had he been able to patent his process.  Yet he could not obtain a patent for a 
318 concept that was already in existance.
319 For Karl had borrowed the hollow plastic pellet idea.  He had read about it in a magazine.  He had read about a sunken yacht
320 which had been raised to the surface by being stuffed with Pin-Pong balls!
321 Genius inventor-engineer Karl Kroyer remembered reading about that operation in a 1949 publication.
322 A comic book.
323 The genius behind the genius of Karl Kroyer was Walt Disney's Donald Duck.
324 Now you know THE REST OF THE STORY.
325 
326 
327 (From DESTINY, by Paul Aurandt)
328 -------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ----------------
329 P.V.:
330 In the last message Mr. Aurandt was inaccurate in one respect: the inventor was not actually Donald Duck, but the genius 
331 behind the Duck. One of the greatest comic-book artists to ever hold pen.
332 No, it wasn't Disney, but a man named Carl Barks. (All TRUE comics fans stand silent in awe.)
333 Now YOU know THE REST OF THE STORY.
334 (So I didn't have a trick ending. Sue me.)
335                && The Mad Actor &&
336 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hello!
337     Being Chinese and sort of passed around Japan, I never had a chance to learnthe lingo. Sorry.
338     Boy life sure can be tough. I still can't talk Philippe into giving up his
339 card. He'll never use it.
340                 The Ninja
341 *************************************************************************
342 ONE THING ABOUT THE STORY OF PAUL B. ABOVE, THAT WASN'T TOLD WAS HOW HE
343 GOT THE IDEA TO CUT THE BELT INTO TO BEGIN WITH. IT SEEMS THAT THE
344 MANUFACTURE HAD GOTTEN THE SPECS WRONG AND BUILT THE BELT TWICE AS WIDE
345 AND WITH TWO TWISTS IN IT INSTEAD OF ONE. SO WHEN PAUL WENT TO PICK IT
346 UP HE SAW THIS AND SAID "OH NO, NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER
347 TWO WEEKS FOR YOU TO MAKE IT RIGHT!" THE MANUFACTURE SAID NO, IT IS NO
348 PROBLEM, HE WOULD JUST CUT IT DOWN THE MIDDLE. "BUT", SAID PAUL, "IT
349 WILL STILL HAVE TWO TWISTS IN EACH BELT WHEN YOU ARE DONE!"  NOT SO 
350 SAID THE MANUFACTURE, AND WITH THAT TOOK THE BELT TO A CUTTING 
351 MACHINE AND SLICED THE BELT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ENDING WITH TWO SINGLE
352 TWIST BELTS INTERLOCKED. CUTING ONE OF THE BELTS TO DISENTANGLE IT
353 AND SPLICING IT BACK TOGETHER, HE GAVE IT TO PAUL AS A SPARE.
354 ************************* CISTOP MIKEY ******************************
355 -----------------
356 Which reminds me, I think I'll go to the local bar and have a 'belt.'
357 ---------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz --------
358 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
359 Dear Leroy;
360      Sorry guy, you've stepped on too many people's toes recently.  Those
361 aren't my goons after you.  Watch for the man in the ice cream suit, and
362 head the other way.  Others are on your trail also.  
363      Salazar will be of little help.  He and Serena took the cash and have
364 gone to L.A. to open up a private detective agency.  He said something
365 about wanting to be like Mike Hammer and gardinias.  I'm really not sure
366 what he was talking about, but I'm sure we will hear from him soon.  He
367 figured discretion was the better part of valor... Too many are on your
368 trail.  He's still miffed about Natasha.
369      As for me, I ended up with Herman the sex-crazed platypus... Since
370 I had a couple of reservations for Venice; you can reach us these for
371 the next couple of weeks.  Let me know when the funeral is, we'll try
372 to attend.
373                                          MAQUID SALUTE
374                                       MOHAMMED WASSIR
375                                    <Your Albanian in Venice>
376 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
377 
378 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
379 People of the inn..
380 did anyone go to the inncounter that c.v. planed,nobody seems to know what happened and I see no messages from c.v. anyware.
381 so whats going down? was there a murder/rape/etc..? somebody tell me what happened o.k.?
382 The Man in Gray
383 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
384   
385   
386 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{  0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
387   
388   CISTOP MIKEY > My goodness the inkeeper his self!!! What does a 
389                lowly humble purveyor of number do to warrant such 
390                attention.  Well I tried to twist  around like you
391                said and I belted myself in the head  with my foot.
392                becoming  d
393                            i
394                       zzzz
395                               y...
396  
397      Say, I enjoyed the story of the Beaver... perhaps he/she
398      felt entitled to whatever grows since this is their State.
399      There are a couple of Beavers around my place but that's
400      hardly surprising among the loons, grebes, koots, ducks
401      and other characters. They're amazed to find a computer
402      here!!!! (Ah well a little anthropomorphizing as it were.)
403   
404      One great hero of Mathematics was heard to say:
405 
406            Give me a few people of magnitude and
407            We shall factor the universe!!
408  
409   Many Thanks for the drinks & the grins,
410      you keep a fine Inn here my friend!!
411   
412 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{  The Mesolithic Mathematician  }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
413   
414 ##########################################################################
415 
416    L I M E R I C K   O F   T H E   W E E K
417 [THIS COMPUTER IS NOT PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND IN THAT AREA...DULY CENSORED!]
418 ##########################################################################
419 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
420 MAN IN GREY: I'M WAITING FOR A TOPIC, DON'T FORGET ME! AND STARVING FOR
421 A LITTLE MENTAL EXERCISE HERE. 
422 LEONARD: SURELY YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
423 MIKEY: HELP.
424 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
425 P.S. DOM.......DON'T GO........PLEASE...........YOU'RE THE WHOLE REASON
426 I WAS COMPELLED TO GET A COMPUTER!.............SEE YOU IN A WEEK.
427 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
428 **************************************************************
429 STANGE WHAT REASONS THAT ENTICE PEOPLE TO GET COMPUTERS!
430 AH WELL, ALL THINGS END UP THE SAME IN THE END.
431 **************************************************************
432 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
433 SIGH  S I G H   SIGH
434 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
435 [][][][][][][][][]   2014   02/11/84   [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
436 
437 Deborah - I think that I may be leaning more towards your way of thinking
438           regarding the religious discussions.  Interesting, if naught else.
439 
440 Man In Gray - I went, along with my spouse.  There were at least siz murders,
441               of poor defenseless oysters.  Two crabs were broken and beaten,
442               and a number of beverage bottles were reduced to empty shells
443               reflecting their former selves.  Nice place though.
444 
445 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][]   DJJ   [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
446 
447 ######################################
448 Hey!  It's me again, figment of the imagination!
449 
450  Dear ninja, You really scare me!
451 I doubt you are a ninja, I take Kempo at
452 a Karate studio and happen to know that
453 there are no true ninja in the USA.
454 Ajnd should you happen to be from somewhere else
455 than explain to me where you, A SUPPOSED NINJA, found the time
456 to take up computing!
457 So drop the name or I will personally look you up and
458 show you what the bottom of my foot
459 looks like close up.
460 
461 
462 And to whom ever is writing over my messages,
463 Keep it up.  Now you have given me a
464 reason to call up this
465 system more.  I have to keep re-writing my messages to make sure
466 that everyone see's them!  Sooooooo,
467 FACE ON YOU!!!!!
468 *ha ha ha ha ha ha ha*
469 
470 
471 
472 
473   This man was jumping up and down on
474 a man-hole cover shouting "29! 29!", when along
475 came this pole.  The pole asked, "why are you doing that?"
476 Too which the man replied, "It's great exercise, try it!"
477 So the pole got on the cover and
478 started doing the same thing.  When the man pulled the cover away.  The pole fel
479 into the sewer.  The man promptly put the cover
480 back on and started jumping up and down
481 yelling, "30! 30!"
482 
483 
484 
485    *ha ha ha ha*
486 
487 I will sign on again to see if this message
488 has been defaced.
489 
490 
491 Figment of the imagination saying:
492 If it ain't yours leave it alone, and If you aren't really, than don't claim to 
493 be such!
494 ######################################
495 --------------------------------------------------
496 THE DEADLY HONEYMOON
497 
498 It was the day after the wedding, and the happy couple had not yet emerged from the bridal chamber.
499 The wedding celebration had gone long into the night, so the bride and groom were not really expected to be stirring until
500 afternoon.
501 I'm not sure what it was that aroused the suspicion of friends.  I do not know why, but after a while they grew concerned,
502 went to the door of the bridal chamber, and began shouting the groom's name.
503 No answer.
504 They shouted again.  Again, silence.
505 So the groom's comrades broke down the door.  And once inside, they beheld a gruesome sight.
506 The lovely young bride was kneeling at the bedside, weeping bitterly.
507 The groom lay on the bed.
508 Dead.
509 The groom had died on his own wedding night.  Murder?
510 Let's consider the evidence.
511 The bride, an exceptionally pretty German girl, was not the groom's first wife.  According to her, she had awakened to 
512 discover the husband was dead.
513 He had had a great deal to drink the night before.
514 That was all she knew.
515 Indeed, there were no marks on the groom's body, no apparent wounds that might have lead to his death.
516 Obviously, the greiving bride was telling the truth.  Anyway, she had no motive to kill her husband.
517 But if she did not kill him, what did?
518 And then someone remembered---the nosebleeds.
519 The groom had suffered from chronic epistaxis, repeated hemmorhaging of the nasal capillaries.
520 A brief examination told THE REST OF THE STORY.
521 The groom had fallen into a drunken stupor and then a deep sleep.
522 He was flat on his back when his nose began to bleed.
523 Within minutes he had suffocated, drowned in his own blood.
524 Case closed.
525 History offers other versions of the incident you have just relived, even invents conceivable motives for the bride to have
526 stabbed her groom in the night.  Those other versions, however, are based on rumors which arose later.
527 It would be of no interest today, more than fifteen hundred years after the fact, except for the groom's impact on his own 
528 era.
529 He had a great many enemies.  So it was not unreasonable initially to suspect his young bride Ildico of murder.
530 Yet as far as we know, the groom's demise occurred just as you've learned: too much booze and a nosebleed.
531 Odd end for a man once called "the Scourge of God," whose name struck terror throughout the Western world.
532 Having survived a lifetime of brutal battles, he was at last done in by his own honeymoon.
533 The reputedly "indestructible" Attila the Hun partied himself to death!
534 
535 by Paul Aurandt
536 ------------------------------------------------------------ P. V. Jeltz -------
537 
538 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
539 
540      Stepping through the wall, I find that the world about me is strange,
541 unfocused, as though I were viewing it through the lens of a poorly made
542 camera.  And the colours seem so much duller than I remember, but perhaps
543 they are only dull by comparison to where I was.  However it may be, while
544 I have enjoyed my stay, I wish greatly to return to the world I have known
545 and my friends there.
546 
547      Why does everything look so....... unusual?  I should know this
548 section of the forest well, for I have spent many days here, and some
549 nights as well.  Though some of the shapes are familiar, they are stark and
550 unfriendly, and they cause a thrill of fear to penetrate to the core of my
551 being.  Where is my home?  Where is the road?  Perhaps I should return to
552 where I have been.  It was warm and safe, and the companionship was good,
553 though my feet hurt from so much dancing and my throat is tender from song.
554 Shrinking back beside the faerie hawthorn, I wrap my cloak even more
555 tightly against myself, in the hopes that it will help to still the
556 trembling that is only partly caused by the cold.
557 
558      Almost overpowered by my fear of what I should find so familiar, I
559 prepare to once again begin the process that will take me away when I
560 sense...... what is it that I sense?...... the marker that I left behind
561 that I could focus upon!  It gives me an anchor, a branch to grab as I
562 slide down the precipice of fear.  I know where it is, and it allows me to
563 align my senses with the world, just a bit.  I stop, gain back some of my
564 composure, and rise from the ground beneath the hawthorn.  Though I may
565 have a hard time traveling, though the road before me is strange where it
566 should be familiar, the anchor of the Rowan steadies me and gives me a
567 compass from which I can find my way.
568  
569 
571      The journey still before me is long, but I have passed my greatest
572 test.  The dangers that the forest may hold can only affect my physical
573 being, not my spirit or my will, and I now know that I have conquered the
574 greatest enemy of my return.  My own fears.
575 
576 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]PAM.[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
577 
578 
579 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
580 PAM:   I DELIGHT AT YOUR RETURN! PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY AGAIN WITHOUT SOME
581 EXPLAINATION. YOU GAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE A SCARE LAST TIME.
582                                                             JONATHAN CAHNCE
583 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
584 
585 ***************************************************************
586 VALENTINES DAY IS APROACHING FAST, SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
587 FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE?
588 ***************************************************************
589 AS LUKE SKYWALKER SAID, "I CARE!"
590 
591 ?????????????????????????oh hell with it!
592 Pam,care to argue somthing??
593 Jonathan Chance,as Ham Salad said "relax kid,it's only a movie"
594 ????????????????????????its late people and my auto-repete failed so...
595 The Man in Gray
596 ????????????????????????
597 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
598 WELL I SEE THINGS ARE QUITE FULL ON THE NEW DISC, SO I HAD TO RETREAT
599 TO THE TAIL END OF THIS. AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE AIN'T A WHOLE LOT OF
600 ROOM HERE EITHER..........BY THE WAY DOM, I THINK THAT YOU WILL FIND
601 RELIGION IN GENERAL MORE POPULAR IN JAPAN, PERHAPS EVEN A LITTLE MORE
602 SUPERSTITIOUS THAN HERE. I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE ADULTERATED TYPE OF
603 CHRISTIANITY THAT HAS BECOME POPULAR DURING THE LAST 700 YEARS, BUT I
604 DO FEEL THE BIBLE IS A VALID BOOK. I'VE MADE THIS POINT BEFORE, BUT 
605 FOR YOUR BENEFIT I'LL REPEAT IT. YOU CAN'T BLAME THE BOOK FOR WHAT 
606 PEOPLE HAVE DONE WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN BLAME THE KNIFE MAN-
607 UFACTURER WHEN IT FALLS INTO THE HANDS OF A MURDERER.
608 WISH YOU WERE NOT LEAVING, YOUR ESSAYS ARE THOUGHT PROVOKING.
609 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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