LIST
FILE ON
MARGIN IS 64 
STATUS: ALL ALLOWED
NUMBER OF LINES: 629 
1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
2 ********************** REMOVED: 25 MAR 84 ******************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System)  Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6                     PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19 
20 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
21 Oh, how I love new disks!!!!!!!
22      actually, I really haven't much to say, but I couldn't pass up the
23 oppertunity to use a new disk.
24 Commander: Where are you?
25 Come to think of it, where are d and tarn and brenden and all the others
26 who's writing I used to love (especially d's)
27                               Fast Fred
28                               BSAL
29                               (ret)
30 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
31 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
32 "well sir,you have proved yourself,here is your answer..."
33 "wmsksqrqccimsrrfcmpgegml?rcpmdnpgk?j@cjafrfcpgnw"
34 t"the rest of you may wish the same knowledge,ffor you a potluck question"
35 what was the name of the cat in "macbeth":hint,called by the first witch.
36 ::::::::::::::WIZARD::::::::::::
37 +++++++++++++++++++++++
38 ++++++I DID IT!++++++++
39 +++++++++++++++++++++++
40 EXIT
41 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
42 #Bard: the answer to the first is
43    you must seek out the originater of primal belch theripy.
44 It was a two position alphabetic shift.
45 The second seems to be Graymalkin  (interesting!).
46 I know, I know - you would have gotten that too.  Well, until
47 I get up enough courage to actively join an 'adventure', I must
48 content myself with occasional commentary.
49 Thanks for the BOLO info.  Is that a Retief story? I've not read
50 them all, I have to be in a particularly 'silly' mood for them.
51 My head is starting to hurt from the strain of this long
52 telepathic comunication.  Ciao (oops!)#
53 ::::::::::::::::::O O::::::::voyeur::::::::O O::::::::::::::::::::::::
54 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
55 Voyeur:in communicating with the Bard over a strange and wonderful medium
56 known as the "telephone" he stated that he would have wanted to solve said 
57 riddle himself.oh well,you` are correct in the name of the cat also.you
58 seem to have an enormus store of knowledge,so for you...
59 how long does process c-41 take and at what temp??
60 ha!!!
61 A somewhat disgrunted 
62 Man in Gray
63 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
64 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
65 To all:  It looks like our wizard is on the ball!  (I'm glad that someone 
66 can answer the questions -- I'm typing this at 5:00 AM and things get kind
67 of fuzzy around the edges.)
68 Bard:  I have commited this Saturday to my young one.  It gets difficult
69 
70 to break a date with a 4-year old.  They do not accept excuses.  When is
71 the next meeting?  (This time I'll mark it on the calendar and reserve 
72 that time!)
73 Deborah:  I haven't seen you trying to stir up an arguement for a while!
74 Let's get a topic going -- how about mixing morality into our adventure?
75 We should probably get out of Oz and break new ground somewhere.  Perhaps
76 in a Fundamentalist Christian Universe where prayer is compulsory in public
77 schools and teachers who are not devout enough are stoned in the schoolyard
78 by the administration?  (When I taught school I made it a matter of 
79 principle never to get stoned on school property!)
80 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
81    The piper asked his compainions as they stood in the wizard's room,
82 "Do you have enough information to go on?  I am unable to complete the 
83 mental exercises and must depent upon your knowlege and guidance in these
84 wizardly matters.  I can help, but someone must furnish direction!"
85 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
86 Ah, the sight of all these words of  wisdom and great humor have fired
87 the great inferno of thought. I'd rather not visit this neat place
88 where you get stoned just for not conforming. When 'I' was in school
89 you got stoned to be a non-conformist, my how times do change!
90 As for all this talk of fees for usage, please, oh great Sysop in the
91 sky, keep it just as it is! A poor and starving person { such as myself}
92 could not possibly say enougxh about the advantages of free time. While
93 I'm new at this, it rhelps to see others in their natural environs and
94 learn.  Without the use of FREE systems there is no chance to learn!
95     I thank you all!  FINI FIN 
96 ********************************************************************************
97 M. d'Autun: Surely you are familiar with TPC? As anyone who has ever seen
98 James Coburn in "The President's Analyst" could tell you, TPC is a most dread 
99 organization! (T.P.C. = The Phone Company)
100 ********************************************************************************
101 Mr. Peckinpah, I must correct thee. Tandy cannot possibly have anything to do
102 with reality pills! They are a non-patentable item! And in any case, no one on
103 Earth knows how they are made. They were brought here by an alien race. 
104 (it is a VERY long story)
105 ..............................the apprentice....................................
106 Voyeur: please refrain from answering my questions before I get to them!
107 As for the BOLO stories, they are NOT silly. They have nothing to do
108 with Retief (well, they are mentioned in passing a couple of times, but that's
109 it). If the only Laumer you have read are the Retief stories, you have a 
110 somewhat skewed idea of his writing. He is quite capable of writing serious
111 stories.
112 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
113 Piper: the meetings are every OTHER Saturday, thus the next meeting is April 7th
114 (if nothing happens!)
115 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
116 "Mckane AGAIN!" shouted bard, (the following is translated from
117 a WIDE variety of languages) "May maledictions follow this nameless one to the 
118 uttermost depths of world slime, may he have a long life in interesting times, 
119 ......." after a bit he paused, "Sorry, but he is beginning to get on my nerves!
120 Everywhere we turn -- there he is! That, that... OH! HIS PARENTS WERE BROTHERS!"
121 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
122 When I calm down I'll apologize to any one I've offended....
123 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
124 Rogues In a Nation (Steeleye Span)
125 Farewell to all our Scottish fame
126 Farewell our ancient glory
127 Farewell even to our Scottish name
128 Sae famed in martial story
129 Now sark runs o'er the Solway sands
130 And tween runs to the ocean
131 To mark where England's province stands
132 Such a parcel of rogues in a nation.
133 
134 What force or guile could not subdue
135 Through many warlike ages
136 Is wrought now by a coward few
137 For hireling traitor's wages
138 The English steel we could disdain
139 Secure in valour's station
140 But English gold has been our bane
141 Such a parcel of rogues in a nation.
142 
143 Oh would ere I had seen the day
144 That treason thus could sell us
145 My auld grey head had lain in clay
146 With Bruce and loyal Wallace
147 But pith and power til my last hour
148 I'll make this declaration
149 We were bought and sold for English gold
150 Such a parcel of rogues in a nation.
151 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
152 
153 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRRYRYRYRYRYR
154 the following is a partial transcript of a conversation between M. d'Autun and
155 his secretary:
156 M:Any messages while I was out?
157 S:Yes, sir. The Department of Motor Vehicles says that the license # of
158 the company limo hasn't been issued yet. The police wanted the correct license 
159 number for the stolen vehicle report.
160 Sir, when I called back, they couldn't find the case number....
161 M: (muttering, possibly "it figures")
162 S:Anyway, you got a call from immigration, something about a visa problem...
163 M: (wearily)Anything else?
164 S:Yes, sir. I can't get the Telex to work, so I haven't been able to send
165 those messages.
166 
167 ...............
168 As you can see, we are preceding according to plan. The only way
169 d'Autun will be able to get a msg thru is by going in person. (of course, he may
170 have some trouble with his reservations...) All bank accounts have been diverted
171 but there are large cash reserves in various locations.
172 MacHinery
173 Portland mgr
174 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
175 !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
176      After bushwacking through the forest for several hours, we finally
177 reached the city's wall.  The wall was your standard Ozish blue -- smooth
178 with no outcroppings or cracks visible, approxiamtely 18' high.  A sign
179 hung on it:
180                "TRESPASSERS WILL BE TURNED INTO FROGS"
181      I turned to Wassir; "O.K. wise guy, this was your bright idea.  What
182 do we do now?"  With an impish grin he pulled a length of rope and grappling
183 hook from beneath his tunic.  He proceeded to toss it to the top of the wall
184 where it held fast.  We rapidly climbed up and over to the other side.
185      Once inside the city we were confronted by an alley running eastbound.
186 No inhabitants were visible.  Stealthily we moved down the alley to what
187 appeared to be a main thoroughfare.  Peeking around the corner we spied
188 beings of all shapes and sizes.  Munchins and elves and even little people
189 made of china.  All had one thing in common--they were wearing blue-tinted
190 glasses.
191      I whispered to Wassir; "We can't go out these.  Without those funny
192 looking shades, we'll be recognized in a second."
193      Wassir moved to a storm drain at the edge of the alley and pried up
194 the grating. "I know.  The only way to go is down."
195      "We can't go down there.  There's probably all kinds of rats, snakes,
196 and spiders lurking for us." <Shudder>
197      "Can it Salazar.  Any dufus knows the best way to reach the wizard's
198 lair is through the underground tunnels."  I looked down into the darkened
199 hole and felt my anxiety rising.
200      We climbed down into the tunnel and closed the grate behind us.  The
201 tunnel was lit by smoking torches held in sconces every 100'.  After fifteen
202 minutes we were hopelessly lost.  I knew we were in big trouble.
203      After a couple of hours of roaming, we stopped to rest.  Wassir played
204 a mournful tune on his recorder; whilst I daydreamed about Serena.  Suddenly
205 the tramping of many boot-shod feet and the clanking of weapons broke our
206 reveries.  At the far end of the passageway several foul-looking Orcs 
207 appeared. 
208      Wassir tried the friendly approach: "Hi guys, could you tell us where
209 the nearest bathroom is?"  Friendly isn't in the Orc vocabulary.  With 
210 blood-curdling warcries they charged, weapons drawn.  Instantly my magna-
211 ported .44 was in my fist, spitting lead at the subhuman monsters that
212 attacked us.  Wassir's trench knife took care of those that got too close.
213 When my gun was empty, I grabbed a fallen sword and joined in hand to hand
214 combat... Blood lust in my heart.
215      More Orcs began to pour into the passageway.  I shouted "RUN!!!" Wassir
216 and I sprinted through the twisting tunnels.  Our pursuers close at our 
217 heels.  Just as we started to outdistance them, we were cut off by a deadend
218 We turned to fight our final battle.  This was it.
219      As the Orcs edges closer, a voice rang in out brains:  #Big ones in
220 deep do-do, we will help#  Suddenly, the floor dropped from our feet.  We
221 fell a short distance and then started rolling down a steep incline.  We
222 ended up in a heap in a strange room.  Arcane instruments and musty leather-
223 bound books lined the walls.  At the far end of the room several 
224 outlandishly dressed people stood staring at us in disbelief.  One was
225 different from the rest.  He had an aura of mystical and ageless power.  I
226 glanced at Wassir.  He dreww himself to his feet... a childish glint in his
227 eye.  He piped up:
228                      "Hello Mr. Wizard..."
229 !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!Valinor!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
230 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
231 My dearest Leroy;
232      I also have noticed an unusual activity on the international and 
233 domestic espionage scene.  Of course all that has passed between us has just
234 been a slight misunderstanding.  My resources will be at your disposal to
235 combat the mysterious interloper.  If indeed it is The Phone Company, we
236 may be in deep do-do.  As I am currently in an alternate reality, Serena
237 will be contacting you shortly regarding our alliance. 
238                                       Mohammed Wassir
239                                       <A Really Nice Albanian>
240 P.S. If this is a trick, you're going to be in deep <Expletive Deleted>.
241 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
242 -----------------------------------------------------------------
243 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
244 Back to the real world...
245 Has anyone heard of a book called P-1??? (May be wrong spelling)
246 It was a science-fiction book concerning computers written several
247 years back.
248 
249 ---------------------->unsigned<--------------------------------
250 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
251 I havent heard of it.  I would like all of you to know that working
252 all spring vacation is the pits.  I know a lot of you out there have
253 left school, but for those who aren't, how are you all spending
254 your vacation?
255                         Bo
256 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
257 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
258 I must ask myself "What is reality? And why use pills?" I thought that
259 all people lived there. Much confusion and anguish! Well, since we're
260 going down illuusion lane we may as well enjoy it! Channel 002- Who
261 was Duey Duck? And I might add "Why a duck?" F. Fin - CPAL
262 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
263 Dearest Leroy;
264      Mohammed asked me to contact you about the mysterious new power on the
265 spy scene.  I have little information other than they seem to have control
266 of AP wire services and most data communications networks.  Various state,
267 federal and international enforcement agencies seem to be in the dark.
268 You can reach me at Salazar's office in Old Town.  Be discrete.  Salazar
269 would be very angry if he knew I was working for Wassir again.  If you have
270 time drop by.  Bring a donkey; I'll supply the trapeze set.
271                                      Anxiously,
272                                      Serena
273 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
274 
275 ___________________________________________________________________________
276 Apprentice: My apologies, but with Tandy's formidable marketing power, the
277 aliens you spoke of chose us as the sole distributer of the reality pills.
278 We were still in FDA testing phase when we became aware of the unauthorized
279 use of the still-not-completely-tested pills. Our concern is due to the fact
280 that advance use by non-testing agents of the pill have hurt our chances
281 of getting it approved for general sale. It has also hust our standing with
282 the FDA, who up until this point we have had a good relationship with.
283  
284 Our references with the aliens are quite secure, and our records are 
285 available for public inspection under the Freedom of Information Act. Any
286 sensitive material has been removed from the public record of course.
287 Thank you for your memo.
288 
289      Sam Peckinpah
290      Reality Corp div of Tandy Corp.
291 _________________________________________________________________________
292 
293 !@@#@$$%#%$^%&*^&(&**%^&^%$#%^%&^&*^&(&*)&*(^&*%^&#^!%#$%#$%#$^$%^$%^#
294 The book in question is the "Adolesence of P1". Required reading for
295 computer scientists and others interested in the subject. The copy I
296 read had been passed around amoung a large group of current and former
297 PSU students, and is complete with dog-eared edges and all.
298 %$^%$#^$%^$%^$%^$% L'Homme sans parity @$#%$%%#$%^$%^$%#$%#$%#$%%#$%%%
299 
300 '`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
301 
302 Hehehehehe! I see my pretties have made it to the wizard's lair. My plans
303 are going perfectly! hehehehehehe (cackle) I have vowed revenge on
304 Dorothy and her gang and any who she might call a friend ever since she
305 took out 2 of my sisters! hehhehehehehehe (cackle) My other dippy sister
306 doesn't care about anything except her skin and her modeling contract
307 with that agency in NY city. But I will get them, and dorothy, and anyone
308 else who dares enter OZ without my permission! hehehehehehehe (cackle)
309 I must be careful though, because like it or not, the wizard is powerful,
310 and he can cause me great pain. BUT BEWARE!!! HERE COMES DEEP DO-DO!!!
311 hehehehehehehehehe (cackle) heheheheheheheheheh (cackle) etc etc etc...
312 
313 '`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
314 
315 S:HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?
316 M:SAME AS YOU WON'T BE TOMORROW!!
317 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
318 @#$!#@$%$%&^$&%*$)*&$&@!^$#*!!%$#$^%^*@!
319 
320 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
321 From:  Orc Fieldmarshal 4
322 To:    Orc HQ
323 Re:    Human Invasion, Sector 14B
324 
325 All hail:
326 
327 At 1415 a large invasion party of heavily armed humans attacked our recon
328 party in Sector 14B.  Descriptions of leaders are as follows:
329      #1.  Big floppy ears, idiotic grin, bears a strong resemblence to
330           Alfred E. Neuman
331      #2.  Tall man in khaki; brown hair, BIG gun
332 Subjects lead a party of at least 50-100 of those vile, smelly humans that
333 attacked our peaceful recon party without warning or provocation. 
334 Casualties to our forces were a mere 17 Orcs.  Reinforcements arrived in the
335 nick of time to repulse the invaders.  Casualties inflicted by our heroic
336 forces to the humans were heavy.  No body count available.
337 
338 Request further reinforcements to launch an all out attack against humans.
339 We will take no prisoners.
340                                          Respectfully,
341                                          Gnartic the Putrid
342 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
343 !()?()!()!??()!)()?
344 #Wizard! What are ORCS doing roaming the streets of the Emerald City?#
345            The Mysterious Voice
346 !()?()!()?()!()?
347 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
348 Bard: mea culpa  mea culpa...
349 MIG: The info on C-41 is in another room, where my father is sleeping.
350 As it is 01:36, I won't have access to it until manana.
351 Rumor has it that you have 5 aliases currently.  How prolific!
352 I have enough trouble with 1!
353 :::::::::::::::::::::O O::::::::voyeur::::::::O O:::::::::::::::::::::
354 _(#%^_%(^_(%^_%^_(#*%^_#^%_(#%_(#*%^_@#%^_@%^_(%^_#(%^#_%
355 Mysterious Voice:
356 They were in another adventure and one apparently sneezed while trying
357 to say "XYZZY" and you know the rest.
358                                                             fdud, fdntf
359 _@$^#($^_@^*^)&)#$)@$^)@$&@$#^%!)@%)%_@$%_@_%$@#%^@(^$)@&^)@
360 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
361 "and what may I do for you little timmy??" said mr.wizard in a voice that made them wonder to what sex the
362 wizard was...
363 canting his head to one side he looked deep in thought and muttered "orcs,in my city hummm" after which he was seen
364 preping for a major spellcasting saying magical words like "DDT" and "EDB" 
365 :::::::::::::WIZARD:::::::::::::
366 
367 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
368 Voyeur,you could have at least hinted at what C-41 was,you make me think you have to actualy LOOK UP the info...
369 you have also overlooked 2 key factors;
370 a:when this and other messages from you appear on the backwater.
371 b:when certon people access the bit bucket where I just put up the message about 5 identitys today(tonight)
372 c:the bit bucket has user files,I believe if you type l,your user number say...293 as an offhand guess it would tell you when 
373 you were last on.
374 perhaps I have met you before? perhaps again on saturday?
375 
376 
377 Sans Parity:(de de du da)*2 zonette???
378 
379 Jonithan Chance,Cap'n Crazy,commander Lacells:hope you all had fun at Robbies watching vids while I slaved over my new operatin
380 system.
381 
382 Bard:what say next week we kill Jonithan Chance once and for all,perhaps the apprentice will come allong too??
383 
384 
385 Deborah,d,anybody:I await a subject folks...
386 
387 A somewhat giddie from lack of sleep...
388 Man in Gray
389 
390 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
391 --------------------------------
392 Hay you,out there in the cold,getting lonely getting old,can you feel me?
393 Hay you standing in the ailes with itchy feet and aching smiles,can you feel me?
394 Hay you,don't help them to bury the light!!!
395 Dont give in,without a fight.
396 (musical interlude)
397 But it was only fantasy,the wall was too high,as you can see.
398 No matter how he tried,he could not break free,and the Worms ate into his brain...
399 
400 wall lp
401 side 1 albium 2 trac 1
402 -------------FLOYD--------------
403 
404 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
405    The piper watched the action with  disbelief.  Vast tides of power shifted
406 and pulled at the present reality.  Another blending took place, it seemed that
407 middle earth was grafted into the sewers of Oz.  (It also seems that the 
408 person doing the grafting was color-blind!  While the graft was being done,
409 the distinction between blue and green disappeared.)  As the color non-red 
410 faded into blues and greens, the piper sensed that a powerful conflict was in
411 the making.  Thinking to warn the peacful inhabitants of the city, he stepped
412 out the door and nearly into the jaws of an immense tiger with a pink ribbon
413 tied in a bow on its tail.  Stopping short, the piper decided to be VERY polite
414 indeed.  The tiger yawned and stretched -- those teeth must be five inches
415 long! -- then asked in a rather bored voice, "Where are you going little man?"
416 and continued, "You wouldn't happen to have any fat babies with your party
417 would you?  I'm getting hungry again and havent eaten a fat baby for a long,
418 long time."  The piper breathed a sigh of relief.  
419   "You must be the Hungry Tiger.  Quick!  We must let everyone know that 
420 trouble is brewing.  Someone has grafted the reality of middle-earth onto the
421 sewers of Oz.  Not only does there seem to be a party of Orcs approaching, I'm
422 sure we'll see trolls, wolves, and other creatures trying to get in.
423    The tiger yawned again and said "Don't worry, little man.  We have coped
424 with worse situations in the last 80 years.  This is the kind of place that
425 someone is always tring to but in on.  Now you just get back to your own 
426 adventure and we'll keep it off our streets.  
427   The piper somehow found himself turned around and propelled gentluy through 
428 the door by a velvet paw against his back.  As the door shut, he heard a VERY
429 deep voice saying, "I know, but it's not FAIR to let a wicked witch in who 
430 only saw the movie.  She would not know enough to be worth worryi.." THUNK
431 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
432 IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE?
433 JUST NOD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME...
434 
435 Nod
436 YOU GUY'S ARE ALL NUTS!                                                     SIGNED:                                THE MANAGEME
437 ................................................................................
438 Mr. Peckinpah: I suggest you check out the aliens more carefully! Those blue 
439 lobsters were trying to conquer your world by using the "side-effects" of the
440 pills!
441 I *can* supply documentation, if neccesary!
442 ................................
443 The apprentice pulled a crystal ball (actually, more of a marble)
444 from his pouch. He looked into it and spoke, "I'd like to place a mage to witch 
445 call to Glinda the Good..."
446 "Greetings, Your Wisdom, I am honored that you have accepted this
447 contact", without moving a muscle the apprentice gave the impression of having 
448 made a deep and courtly bow. "While I realize that your people can handle the
449 orcs quite well, I feel that we owe you some aid. They are almost certainly
450 here because of us."
451 "I know of some people who can remove these creatures with a minimum of
452 disturbance. In any case, I must notify my liege of this intrusion, no matter 
453 what your decision."
454 "I will await your decision. Ciao."
455 He made a gesture and the sense of another's presence faded. He replaced
456 the ball and took out a ring which he placed on his third finger. 
457 #Pentagram HQ. Please state your business#
458 #I am Eric of the House of Camber. I must speak to Lord Sam the Grey.
459 I have news of an orcish invasion.#
460 #Immediately, sir!#
461 #What is this about an invasion, lad? This had better be important!#
462 #Look into my mind, milord...............#
463 #I see, we'll be there SOON!#
464 #But, lord, what of..#
465 #I *SAID* we ARE COMING! I know little of this "Oz" place, but if 
466 there are orcs, then we are going to get them - do you understand APPRENTICE?#
467 #yes, your lordship#
468 
469 "I was afraid of that.... Wizard, your pardon, but my liege is determined
470 to come. It was my duty to inform him, but I fear the consequences". The 
471 apprentice seem very small as he stood waiting.
472 While everyone was trying to decide how to handle this new devolopment,
473 a figure seemed to materialize out of the air in front of Wassir and Salazar. 
474 They reached for their weapons, only to discover that the figure had them in his
475 hands! "You two looked like the most trigger happy, so I relieved you of these
476 toys. You couldn't of done any real damage, but I didn't want to waste half an
477 hour healing up."
478 "Allow me to introduce my self, the name is Sam. Some of my Pentagram 
479 colleagues are returning the orcs n' tunnels to OUR world. We can take care of
480 them there." Turning to the apprentice, he said, "Now look, I thought I told you
481 to try and stay out of trouble! You're almost as bad as your father. Try not to 
482 end up like he did, OK?"
483 Tossing the weapons back to their owners, he started to fade out again, "Mouse 
484 is gonna love this, fresh orcs....."
485 ............................................the apprentice......................
486 ps to Mr Peckinpah: the pills are not patentable, because they were desribed in 
487 open literature more than 10 years before the application was filed! Check with
488 your legal section!
489 ................................................................................
490 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
491 NETWORK
492 NET central
493 
494 McKane Enterprises
495 c/o M d'Autun
496 
497 You are cordially invited to send a representative to the PORSFIS meeting
498 this Saturday. Main branch, Multnomah county library, 2 PM.
499 You will be contacted there.
500 |  | || || | | || |  | || || | |  | || || | | ||  | | | ||  | || ||  | | | 
501 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
502 Wassir: We suggest that you have a representative there also!
503 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
504 What! Someone implies that I don't have the real gem! Let's see here.
505 Reaching into my trans-reality box I whip out the gem I have.
506 Glowing a drak green, the gem speaks,"I await you command, oh fool!"
507 "Then...you are the real gem?"
508 "All but a sliver."
509 "But....what are your powers?"
510 "My powers are beyond your imagination, oh mortal!"
511 "Then shrink lacells ship into the palm of my hand."
512 Holding my hand palm up, I notice a miniture ship has materialized.
513 Just what I need! Opening up my trans-reality box, I chuck it into one of 
514 the realities that the box services. This gem scares me. Plop! I chuck the
515 gem into still another reality and lock the box to my mental waves. 
516 "Well then, off to see the wizard," I whisper to myself as I hop
517 into the tunnels under the city.   -The Ninja-
518 WELL GUYS, I SEE YOU HAVE MADE AN ATTEMPT TO CLEAN UP THIS
519 JOKE A LITTLE BIT. LETS HAVE SOME MORE GOOD 
520 MESSAGES ON HERE AND MAYBE I COULD SEE IT IN
521 MY BETTER JUDGMENT TO CALL HERE MORE OFTEN
522 .  THE NEXT TIME YOU START CRYING ABOUT NOT GETTING ANY CALLERS,
523 REMEMBER WHAT YOUR TRYING TO GET THEM TO READ-----GARBAGE.
524  
525                   KEEP IT CLEAN,
526                      555
527 
528 ________________________________________________________________________________
529 Memo to all Reality Pill Corp div of Tandy Corp distributers...
530 
531 Regrettably I must inform you all the Reality Corp will cease to exist
532 as a corporate entity as of the 1, April, 1984. Our legal section, under the
533 guidance of one known as 'the apprentice' has discovered the aliens who were
534 to be our sole suppliers of the reality pill, for which your corporation was
535 formed to distribute, were merely a small outlaw faction with no real power
536 in the courts or government of the alien's ruling class.
537 
538 This turn of events is rather difficult to swallow, but, as employees
539 of Tandy corp, you will not be left out in the cold by the blunders of our
540 marketing dept. Applications are being sent for re-assignment, please have
541 them filled out and turned in by 9:00 AM, March 30th, Two Tandy Towers
542 Fort Worth Texas, USE, Earth.
543 
544 Please put your minds at rest, and be re-assured that those in
545 marketing who are responsible for the fiasco will suffer the same fate as
546 those who had Tandy invest so heavily in CB radios, they will be forced to
547 become floor managers at local Toys-R-Us outlets.
548 
549 Thank you and again please accept my apologies...
550 
551 Sam Peckinpah
552 (form) Reality Corp div of Tandy Corp
553 
554 _______________________________________________________________________________
555 
556 Aside to 'the apprentice' : The board of directors, and myself, CEO of
557 Reality corp, wish to give you our sincere thanks for pointing out the
558 aliens scam. Although we did lose some money on the deal, it is a pittance
559 compared to what would have been lost if trans-glaxian shipping routes etc,
560 would have been set up...
561 Regards...
562 Sam Packinpah
563 etc. etc.
564 
565 _______________________________________________________________________________
566 
567 gdfg
568 g
569 
570 #@!#@!$#@%^^%*&^)*()^*%^*#@$@#%^&*&^()&*(*&^%^#%!@#$#$%$#$%^&&^*&(*)(&*^&%^
571 MIG...another person recognizes the call of chris serling? (de de do da)^2
572 Yupp...its definitly another zonette!
573 !@!@@#@$#$#*%$*)($*^ L'homme sans parity %$#^*($%)^%)^%^%$^%^%^%^%^%$^%^%$^
574 PS M. D'Autun --- Have you visted Paris recently? It is really quite beautiful
575 this time of year, n'ect-ce pas?
576 
577 
578 C-41 IS A 4 STEP PROCES THAT RUNS 
579 AT 100F +- .23DIGRES IT TAKES 25 MIN
580 AND 15 SEC  TEMP IS VERY IMPORTANT
581 SO BE CAIRE FULL E-6 TAKES ABOUT
582 60 MIN AND HAS THE SAME TEMP
583 REQUIRMENTS
584            
585 PROF. PENTAX
586   ZANEY ZELOTE 500
587 MIKE,HOPE I CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU 
588 TOMORROW WHY DONT YOU DO YOU RAIN DANCE
589 
590 
591 
592 
593 
594 
595 
596 
597 
598 
599 
600 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
601 
602 HELP!,THE OWLBEARS ARE ATTACKING!
603 DARN DOGGY DOO-DOOS WHERES
604 MY LARTHORIAN?
605 
606 GRIFFONHAS JUST GOTTEN A FRONTAL
607 LOBIGER'S BRAINS ARE ALL OVER 
608 AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGH!GUUWHO'S BIGGER?
609 MR.BIGGER OR MISTER BIGGER'S BABY?
610 
611 
612 WELL ITS THE BABY BECAUSE HE IS 
613 A LITTLE BIGGER!!!!!!!!!END MESSAGE,
614 FROM JAMES BOLIVAR DIGRIZ
615  TROY 
616  I WILL CALL YOU AT 8:00 AM
617  TOMOROW 
618 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,MMMMMMMMMIKE
619 PLEASE MAKE YOUR MESSAGES MORE
620 INTERESTING ,THERE IS A MESSAGE FOR YOU 
621 ON CBBS PLEASE GRANT ME THIS BOON
622 MY CAT DIED OF BOREDOM
623 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
624 my GOD!!,somebody else reads pulp science fiction...SS rat,beware 
625 
626 All:see you saturday!
627 Prof.Pentax:close,C-41 takes 24.5 minuts,how many times must I ask...
628 
629 use spellguard!! last line folks,Man in Gray signing off,Ninja,will get to you later ?????????????????/????????????????????????

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