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From: blu@cellar.org (Dan Reed)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: Dead Milkmen Lyrics (samples) (long)
Message-ID: <kmT7RB4w164w@cellar.org>
Date: 5 Oct 92 20:04:43 GMT
Sender: bbs@cellar.org (The Cellar BBS)
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system
Lines: 470

Dead Milkmen lyrics, typed by people, who I cannot thank, cu'z
I dunno know who they are.
 
Before I break all kinds of copyright rules, let me say, that
you should *really* get some CD's/Tapes by this band, they
really kick ass, and are quite funny.
 
A.T.ers of all likes should get some... this is only a SAMPLE
of some of the songs they have done.
 
-------------
 
"If you love someone, set them on fire"
 
Know that it would be untrue
Know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you that I didn't set your house on fire
But its just the way I am, have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up when your a pyromaniac.
 
(chorus)
So if you love somebody let us set them on fire!
 
I went to your house last night,
You dad called me the human torch,
Got a little pissed at him,
So I burnt down your front porch.
 
Now I feel a little bad,
About throwing gas on your dad,
But you know its hard to quit,
And bedsides I started it.
 
I jut brought a brand new lighter,
And I can't wait to use it,
With a can of kerosine,
Its lots of fun, you cant refuse it
 
Oily rags and special things,
Not to me the diamond rings,
Maybe we can have some fun,
Maybe we can burn someone.
 
(chorus)
So if you love somebody let us set them on fire!
 
"If you love somebody, set them on fire"
     Metaphysical Graffiti - 1990
 
----------------------
The Dead Milkmen
from Big Lizard In My Backyard
"Bitchin' Camaro"
 
Title:     Bitchin' Camaro
 
Hey Jack, what's happenin'?
 
Oh, I don't know.  Well, rumor around town says you think you might be
heading down to the shore.
 
Uh, yeah, I think I'm goin' down to the shore.
 
Whatcha gonna do down there?
 
Uh, I don't know, play some video games, buy some Def Leppard t-shirts.
 
Hey, don't forget to get your Motley Crue t-shirt, y'know, all proceeds go to
get their lead singer out of jail.
 
Uh huh.
 
Hey, you gonna check out the sand bar while you're there?
 
Uh, what's the Sand Bar?
 
Oh, it's this place that lets sixteen year-old kids drink.
 
Oh, cool.  Y'know who's gonna be there?
 
Uh, who?
 
My favorite cover band, Crystal Shit.  Oh.  Yeah, they do a Doors show, you'd
be really impressed, in fact, it goes a little like this:
 
Love me two times baby
Love me twice today  (short musical pause)
Love me two times girl
Cause I got AIDS
Love me two times baby, once for tomorrow, once cause I got AIDS
 
Wow, Pretty good Jim Morrison impersonation there.  Yeah, I hope those guys
have a good sense of humor and don't take us to court.
 
Uh, what's the court?
 
Never mind that,
 
(interupts)Oh, you mean like the People's Court?
 
Well, that's another story; the important thing here is you gotta ask me
how I'm gonna get down to the shore.
 
Uh, how you gonna get down to the shore?
 
Funny you should ask, I've got a car now.
 
Oh wow, how'd you get a car?
 
Oh my parents drove it up here from the Bahamas.
 
You're kidding!
 
I must be, the Bahamas are islands, okay, the important thing now, is
that you ask me what kind of car I have.
 
Uh, what kinda car do ya' got?
 
I've got a
 
BITCHIN CAMARO!.....
 
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I ran over my neighbors, BITCHIN CAMARAO, BITCHIN CAMARO,
Now it's in all the papers.
My folks bought me a BITCHIN CAMARO with no insurance to match;
So if you happen to run me down, please don't leave a scratch.
I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair;
And I didn't get arrested, because my dad's the mayor.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Doughnuts on your lawn
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Tony Orlando and Dawn
When I drive past the kids, they all spit and cuss,
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO and they have to ride the bus.
So you'd better get out of my way, when I run through your yard;
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO;
And an Exxon credit card.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Hey, man where ya headed?
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I drive on unleaded.
 
----------------------------------
 
     "Bleach Boys"
  by The Dead Milkmen
   from Beelzebubba
 
 
I've got some buddies and we all drink bleach
you know we practice what we preach
We're not a drunken bunch of frat boys drunk on beer
or a stoned bunch of hippies with no careers
I wanna drink bleach with a Georgia Peach
 
My pals and I all drink Clorox
or eat Snowy right out of the box
Teenage suicide rate shot high and we
understand the reason why
Bleach does more than whiten socks
 
Don't you wanna hang out with the bleach boys baby
in a land where ministers murder golf pros?
Don't you wanna drink some bleach tonight?
 
Maybe there'll be a party at the beach
We'll bitch about life and chug-a-lug bleach
No ones getting high and no one's getting drunk
we got a case off bleach stashed in the trunk.
I wanna die with clorox within reach.
 
I'm very proud of the respect I've earned
and my voice is very deep 'cause my throat got burned.
Bleach keeps you young so I've been told
'cause no one who drinks it lives to be old
Drink it with a chaser is the first thing I learned.
 
Don't you wanna hang out with the bleach boys baby
in a land where midgets run for mayor?
Don't you wanna drink some bleach tonight?
 
I had 26 friends in the beginning
but now it seems our numbers are thinning
Some people drive fast others love to bet
still others snort coke in a private jet.
But drinking bleach is my way of winning.
 
(Bad guitar solo)
 
I'm so bored I'm drinking bleach (x472)
 
--------------------------------------
I Hate Myself
Performed By Dead Milkmen
Smokin' Banana Peels - the singles
 
I hate myself - hate myself
And you - I hate you
I hate myself - hate myself
And you - I hate you
Roses are red and
Violets are blue
I hate me and
I hate you
I hate my life and I hate yours
I hate my life and I hate yours
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and end it all
Let's get together in a bathroom stall
 
I - I take drugs, I take drugs
And Glue - I sniff glue
I - I take drugs, I take drugs
And Glue - I sniff glue
Roses are red and
Violets are blue
I take drugs and
I sniff glue
I hate my life and I hate yours
I hate my life and I hate yours
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and slit our wrists
Let's get together and do the twist
 
I eat lye soap - eat lye soap
And stew and I eat stew    <Hello Stuart>
I eat lye soap - eat lye soap
And stew and I eat stew
Roses are red and
Violets are blue
I take eat soap and
I eat stew
I hate my life and I hate yours
I hate my life and I hate yours
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and make a pact
Let's get together and end it all
Let's get together in a bathroom stall
 
-----------------------------
"Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance to Anything)"
 By the Dead Milkmen from Bucky Felinni
(also off the single)
 
 She'll dance to anything
 You'll dance to anything
 
 Okay, look at you
 Don't you look like Siouxsie Sioux
 How long did it take to get that way
 What a terrible waste of energy
 You wear black clothes say you're poetic
 The sad truth is you're just pathetic
 Get into the groove get out of my way
 I came here to drink not to get laid
 So why don't you just go on home
 If you want to moan you'll have to moan alone
 
 You'll dance to anything...
 You'll dance to anything...
 
 Don't try to tell me that you're an intellectual
 Cause you're just another born bisexual
 ("I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party")
 Blow it out your hair cause you work at Hardees
 80 pounds of make up on your art school skin
 80 points of I.Q. located within
 Know what you are?  You're a bunch of ...
   Artfags!  Artfags!
 Choke on this you dance-a-teria types!
 
 You'll dance to anything by the Communards
 You'll dance to anything by Book of Love
 You'll dance to anything by The Smiths
 You'll dance to anything by De-peche Mode
 You'll dance to anything by Public Image Limited
 You'll dance to anything by Naked Truth
 You'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans who come over
 here with their big hairdos bent on taking OUR money instead of giving
 your cash, where it belongs, to a decent American artist like myself!
 You'll dance to anythIng!
 
----------------------------------
"Stuart"
The Dead Milkmen
from - Beelizabubba
 
You know what Stuart?  I like you.
You're not like the other people here in the trailer park.
Oh, don't get me wrong.  They're fine people.  Good Americans.
But, they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy
on channel 57.  Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer.
They're good fine people, Stuart but they don't know, what
the queers are doing to the soil.
 
You know that Johnny Wurster kid, the kid who delivers papers in the
neighborhood?  He's a foreign kid.  Some of the neighbors say
he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrough owl
"Dad, get me a burrough owl.  I'll never ask for anything else as
long as I live".  So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrough owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out into my yard.
And there's the Wurster kid looking up in the tree.
I said, "What are you looking for?"
He said, "I'm looking for my burrough owl".
I said, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick.  Everyone knows that a burrough
owl lives in a hole in the ground.  Why the hell do you think they call
it a burrough owl, anyway?"
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know
what the queers are doing to the soil?
 
I first became aware of this, about 10 years ago.  The summer my oldest
boy Bill Jr. died.  You know that carnival that comes to town every year?
Well that year it came with a ride called the Mixer.  The man said, keep
your head and arms inside the mixer at all times.
But Bill Jr., he was a daredevil.  Just like his old man.  He was leaning
out saying, "Hey everybody, look at me, look at me".  Oh, he was
decapitated.  They found his head over by the snowcone consession.  A
few days after that, I open up the mail and there's a pamphlet in
there, from Peublo, Colorodo.  And it's addressed to Bill Jr.  And it's
entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil!"
 
Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city
with a big underground homosexual population.  Des Moines, Iowa, for
example.  Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.  You can't build
on it, you can't grow anything in it.  The government says it's due
to poor farming.  But I know what's really going on, Stuart.  I know
it's the queers.  They're in it with the aliens.  They're building
landing strips for gay Martians.  I swear to God.
 
You know what Stuart, I like you.
You're not like the other people, here in the trailer park.
-----------------------------
 
   "Life is Shit"
 by the Dead Milkmen
  from Beelzebubba
 
I ran into a friend of mine
said was gonna take some words
and make em rhyme I said you can
fool some of the people some of
the time, but you can only fool
half the people half the time
 
He "Yes I do believe this is
true.  Would you like to go sniff
some glue? We'll fly to where
the skys are blue and look
for things both bright and true"
And on a pretty Sunday morning
a bunch of pretty Babtist girls
linked ther pretty hands and
sang:
 
Chorus:  Life is shit, Life is Shit
         The world is shit, the world is shit
         and this is life as I know it.
         this is life as I know it.
 
And in the sky I saw Richard Nixon
smoking a lacey with Mr. Dickson
He said "Son there's someething
I must say I do not believe I've
found a better way"  And then a
vision came and it look a lot
life Bob Crane.  And Bob sang:
 
Chorus
 
And when my friend and I were
done we went to rest upon the
sun 'cause life takes from us
the thing, we leove and robs us
of the special ones and puts
them hihg where we can't climb
and we only miss them all
the time
And we sing:
 
Chorus
 
-----------------------------
 
Methodist Coloring Book
Performed By The Dead Milkmen
Metaphysical Graffiti
 
You've got a Methodist Coloring book
and you color really well
But don't color outside the lines
or God will send you to Hell
'caues God hates war
and God hates crime
but he really hates people
who color outside the lines
You've got a Methodist coloring book
don't color outside the lines
'cause if God doesn't strike you with
lighning, he'll at least make you go blind
Good people get sent to the attic
Bad peopl get sent to the cellar
But there's a special kind of Hell
for those who just won't learn to color
God is gracious, God is good
so let's color in his book
God wears cotton, God wears rayon
He can mend a broken crayon
God is honest, he don't take payola
Let's all thank him for our crayolas
You've got a Methodist Coloring book
and you color really well
But don't color outside the lines
or God will send you to Hell
----------------------------
"Punk Rock Girl"
 
 one saturday i took a walk to Zipperhead
 i met a girl there and she almost knocked me dead
 (punk rock girl) please look at me
 (punk rock girl) what do you see
 let's travel round the world just you and me punk rock girl
  
 i tapped her on the shoulder and said "do you have a beau"
 she looked at me and smiled and said she did not know
 (punk rock girl) give me a chance
 (punk rock girl) let's go slam dance
 we'll dress like Minnie Pearl just you and me punk rock girl
  
 we went to the Philly Pizza Company and ordered some hot tea
 the waitress said "well, no, we only have it iced."
 so we jumped up on the table and shouted, "anarchy!"
 and someone played a Beach Boys song on the jukebox
 it was California Dreamin' and so we started screamin'
 on such a winter's daaaaaaay
  
 she took me to her parents for a Sunday meal
 her father took one look at me and he began to squeal
 (punk rock girl) well it makes sense
 (punk rock girl) her dad is the vice president
 <something> Duke of Earl yes you're for me punk rock girl
  
 we went to a shopping mall and laughed at all the shoppers
 the security guards trailed us to a record shop
 we asked for Mojo Nixon, they said "he don't work here"
 we said "if you don't got Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin"
  
 we got into her car away we started rollin
 i said "how much you pay for this" she said "nothing, man, it's stolen"
 (punk rock girl) you look so wild
 (punk rock girl) let's have a child
 we'll name her Minnie Pearl just you and me
 eat fudge banana swirl just you and me
 we'll travel round the world
 just you
 and
 me
 punk rock giiiiiiiiirl
 
----
(eof)

Hope you liked it..

----- 
 Dan Reed (Blu-Max) blu@cellar.org - AutoCad Geek - VW Lover - InlineSkater 
68 Cougar XR-7, 89 VW Golf, 72 Honda CL360Twin, Ti/99/4a, Vextrex, Timex
