                       Banned From Argo


Well, I sat down and finished this sucker off after dashing off that last
note. Nothing like the threat of competition to light a fire under
dormant creativity! I've been sitting on that first part for the last few 
weeks!

Band from Argo
Words: Joe Ellis (c) 1992
Music: Leslie Fish BFA... of course!
 
We made landfall on Sol Plus Three, lookin' for a gig,
Our warp van nearly out of gas, our need for cash quite big...
We couldn't find a venue that would pay us for our songs
Until we found a spaceport bar 'twas open all night long.
 
spoken:
(Strangest thing, tho... we STILL haven't found the spaceport!)
 
They had an open mike that night, but no one seemed to mind
That the topics and the scansion and the tunes were ill-defined.
We set up our equipment, and then struck a tuning chord,
And woke up all those sleeping fen by whom we're now adored!
 
       We're the Band from Argo playin' live!
       The Band from Argo, and it sure ain't no jive.
       We're the loudest aggregation of musicians ever heard,
       But on the Billboard charts, we're thirty-third...
 
       spoken:
       With a laser!
 
Our guitar thing from Betelguese  has 3 deft pairs of hands
It give us great advantages o'er ordinary bands!
He plays rhythm, lead, and solo all at once when at his peak,
But to tune his 3-necked Astrocaster takes a whole damn week!
 
spoken: 
Huh? What?? WHADDAYA MEAN ya wanna go to a 36 string!?!?
 
Our drummer's quite the fashion plate,  feel free to take a look,
But keep your hands all to yourself, her past's an open book.
She used to be a hooker quite adept at turning tricks,
Till she killed 2 pimps and 6 Dorsai with nothing but her sticks!
 
       We're the Band from Argo playin' live!
       The Band from Argo, and it sure ain't no jive.
       We're the strangest group of rockers that the union's ever seen
       But on this week's Billboard chart, we're at sixteen!
 
       spoken:
       Moving up at warp speed!
 
The heavy metal rockers love our keyboard man's attire,
His chrome and leather costume is the look they all desire.
They haven't figured out yet how he plays those keyboard tears. (tairs)
It's all MIDIed from a mainframe sitting right between his ears!
 
spoken: 
Great Ghu,  he's crashed again! Get the boot disk!
 
Our singer has a set of pipes to make a banshee blush,
But his alcoholic intake makes it clear that he's a lush.
It's good he doesn't need a mike,  because the way they're built,
When he steps up to sing I've seen more than a dozen wilt!
 
       We're the Band from Argo playin' live!
       The Band from Argo, and it sure ain't no jive.
       We're got the strangest bunch of fans to ever hit the door,
       But  Billboard has us up to number four!
 
       spoken: 
       Move over Andrew Jackson! Oh... _Michael_  Jackson !
 
Our roadies are the best machines we had the nerve to steal,
We thought the price was pretty good, so we made ourselves a deal!
But I hope the Doctor learns just how to turn them off real soon,
It's quite a pain to have to keep our Daleks on the moon!
 
spoken: 
Oh, well... they never WERE any good around stairs.
 
Our agent is a special breed,  he's very fair, you see.
He screws the club and band both, so it comes out evenly,
Then takes his sixty-five percent, and says that it's his due,
Because, you see, our agent is a human just like you!
 
       We're the Band from Argo playin' live!
       The Band from Argo, and it sure ain't no jive.
       We're the oddest group of rockers that's been seen under this sun,
       But this week's Billboard has us number one!
       Yes, this week's Billboard has us number one!
 
       spoken:
       (Just one thing...  what IS a billboard, anyway?)
 

Joe Ellis  o/~ The Synthetic Filker o/~      |     TesserAct Studios    
Internet: usr6184a@tso.uc.edu                |       P.O. Box 18577     
   GEnie: J.ELLIS22                          |    Fairfield, OH 45018   
    All filked up and no place to sing!      |  New Dimensions In Filk! 


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