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                               ONE
----------------------------------------------------------------
The  first compilation of filksongs collected from the FILK  Echo 
and provided for download via the auspices of Kay Shapero, moder-
ator of same.  Publication date, May 1990.  All copyrights belong 
to the writers.  

FILKfile  will appear at irregular intervals of a month or  more, 
depending on how many songs appear on the echo.    

I'm  doing this first one in vanilla ascii with the bare  minimum 
of formatting so as not to create problems for anyone reading  it 
directly  off  the  system.  If folks would like  me  to  provide 
margins and form feeds between pages, please let me know. 
----------------------------------------------------------------

A CHRISTMAS CAROL
by Charlie Kellner
(to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer")
 
There's Nemorth and Selgrith and Lamanth and Wirenth,
Caylith and Prideth and Ludeth and Ralenth,
But do you recall... the most famous dragon of all?
 
Ramoth the golden dragon had a very shiny tail,
And if you ever saw it, you would love each golden scale.
None of the other dragons ever let her play their games,
They didn't want poor Ramoth chasing thread and breathing flames.
 
Then one fateful Threadfall eve, Lessa came to say,
"Ramoth  with your tail so bright, won't you guide the  weyrs  in 
flight?"
 
Then how the dragons loved her, as they shouted out in glee,
"Ramoth the golden dragon, you went back in history!"
 
Words copyright Charlie Kellner, Dec 1981

*****

A FILKER'S NIGHTMARE                                                  
by Rich Kabakjian
(tune: "That Old Time Religion")

Gimme that old "Banned From Argo"
Gimme that old "Banned From Argo"
Gimme that old "Banned From Argo"
It's long enough for me.
 
We will sing of "Caves of Steel"
Even though we think it's real-
ly long and has no mass appeal
But it's good enough for me.
 
We will sing "Horsetamer's Daughter"
'Though we think we really oughter
pick a filk that is much shorter
But it's good enough for me.
 
If you'd like to pass the Tully, 
can we sing of "Young Man Mulli-
gan"?  It makes the senses dull-y

But it's good enough for me. 
 
Words copyright Rich Kabakjian, 1989

*****

A SONG FOR GROSSED OUT FILKFEN
by Kay Shapero
(tune: "When Johnny Comes Marching Home")

(Doom, doom, doom, doom.....
Doom, doom, doom, doom.....)

The filksing's getting ose again  (Oh dread!  Oh dread!)
The filksing's getting ose again  (Oh dread!  Oh dread!)
     The piles of bodies have stained the floor
     With thirty-nine separate shades of gore
And the fans are running out of the room to urp....

(Yuck,  yuck, yuck, yuck...) <fade out over running feet,  urping 
fen, whatever...)

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1988

*****

ALARUMS & EXCURSIONS 
by Dr Pepper
(tune: Cover of the Rolling Stone)
 
Well we're big D&Ders, We don't know what Fear is,
And we're loved everywhere we roam
We rid the world of evil and we rid the world of pain
And we take a lot of tresure back home
We drink all kinds of potions and get all kinds of notions
But those notions are no more than diversions
From the notion that'll gitcher, when you gitchour picture
On the cover of Alarums and Excursions
 
Chorus:
 
Alarums and Excursions! Gonna see my picture on the cover
Alarums and Excursions! run off extra copies for my mother
Gonna see my smiling face,
On the cover of Alarums and Excursions
 
I got a crazy old witch name of Mandrake Mitch,
Who weaves mystic runes in my cloak
I got a hoary old greyhaired druid
Growing me a sacred oak
Now let's all decide, to tell our tale
But your never gonna tell a better version
Than the version that'll fitcher when you gitchour picture
On the cover of Alarums and Excursions
 
(Chorus)
 
We gota lot of little ugly, charmed chaotics,
Who'll do anything we say
We got a genuine ring of 3 wishes,
We're saving for a rainy day
We got all the cures, that money can buy,
So we'll never have to go to any surgeons
And we keep getting richer, but can't get our picture,
On the cover of Alarums and Excursions

(extended Chorus)

Words copyright Dr Pepper, 1975

*****

An Oar!
by Charlie Kellner

Ah, broken is the toilet bowl!  The water flows forever!
Now uncontrolled, a ghastly toll builds on the water meter;
And, janitor, hast thou no cure? - come now or never more!
And if thou canst not fix it now, then wouldst thou bring an oar?
Come!  Let the tenant's rights be read - the landlord's phone  be 
rung! 
-
An answer, please, before my dog requires an Aqualung -
There is a limit to the times a towel can be wrung.
 
                              - with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe
*****

CYBERSAGA
by Kay Shapero
(tune:"Black Denim Trousers", with acknowledgements to Ted  John-
stone's "Corduroy Trousers"...)

CHORUS: He had pointed green eartips, a socket in his head,
        And a black leather jacket with "Deck 'em" on the back.
        He  had  a pair of mirror shades that  flashed  like  the 
        midday sun
        That elf was the terror of every shadowrun.

He streaked his face with red and he streaked his hair with green
He had rows of ruby rhinestones on the ridges of his eyes.
On the back of his right arm was a Moebius-type tattoo
That told the time in Tokyo in shades of red and blue.

Oh he had a cybermodem and it was a marvel rare
But tech will only do the things that tech can do
He cracked a wizard's data base and searched until he found
Ways magic could be used to get around...

chorus

The other hackers warned him not to play with magic spells.
They  said  "These  things could send you to  a  dozen  diff'rent 
hells."
He didn't hear, he didn't care, his mind was in a spin
At  the  worlds that now existed and the worlds that  might  have 
been.

He  started  searching like a madman, green fire shining  in  his 
eyes.
He  vowed  he'd  plunder all the worlds for high  tech  gear  and 
spells.
But he found a Disney dreamworld; and something that he met
Derezzed his body right into the Net...

        No more pointed green eartips, no socket in the head,
        And no black leather jacket with "Deck 'em" on the back.
        The mirror shades are broken that flashed like the midday 
        sun
        But he still is the terror of every shadowrun!


words copyright Kay Shapero, 1990

*****

FRODO'S THEME
by Cheryl Mathison

Frodo Baggins small and fair
With Elven mist about his aire
Set out upon adventure lain
To end the curse of Isldur's Bane.

With Elves and Dwarves, the Hobbits set;
With Men and Wizard, numbers met.
The Nine set out from Rivendell
To fool the Nine Black Riders from Hell.

The Nine:  They walked through Khazad-dum.
They lost poor Gandalf in a room.
They met a Balrog:  Durin's Bane
Where Balin died and now is lain.

Next Boromir and then the rest
Were cast astray or laid to rest,
So Sam and Frodo left them there
To finish the Task or die in dispair.

It led them through the Morgul Vale
With Gollum in hot pursuit on their trail.
They took him to join them so he wouldn't kill
Poor Frodo, who's Ring was the source of his will.

There, in Mount Doom, inside of a cave
They could not cast the Ring away.
But Gollum took it and fell off the wing
Of the ledge to his death and the end of the Ring.

words and music (c) Copyright 1975 by Cheryl Mathison

*****

FURRY
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Richter Scale)

Hadn't had a date in months and I was getting nervous
So decided I would try the local dating service
Paid their fee, filled out their form and things were going fine
Until they saw what I'd put on the "favorite hobbies" line...

I am a 
Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry
Every time I'm at a con I draw crowds in a hurry
My artwork is erotic
Though it isn't quite obscene
I'm having lots of fun with this, as odd as it might seem.

This reply appeared to cause the sales rep consternation
Back she came to ask me for some kind of explanation
When I said she'd read it right it threw her for a loss
She said she couldn't enter it, then brought me to her boss.

"So you're the
Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry
At SF cons you specialize in mob scenes in a hurry
This doesn't fit our data forms

Some changes must be made
You'll have to see my boss to deal with this one I'm afraid."

So it went on up the line "Are you sure this is legal?"
"Something like a Moose, or Elk, or F and O of Eagle?"
Everything they put in the computer came back out
I had to fly to Omaha to find someone with clout.

"Yes, I'm the
Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry
I'm sorry if this seems to set you all in such a flurry
I've heard a lot about your club
I'm told it's simply great
But all I want to know is can you folks find me a date?"

At the top, the president just smiled and said "Don't worry,
I think we can solve this little problem in a hurry.
Bypass the computer;
And discuss it one on one.."
We're at an SF con right now and say we're having fun

'Cause he's a
Dragon, merman, centaur, griffin, unicornish high elf
Couldn't be a better match if I'd dreamed him up myself
Together we're the strangest pair
That folks have ever seen
Come to the Furry Party room and you'll see what I mean!

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

*****

LOCKED OUT
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Londonderry Air)

I took a walk outside the mound to clear my head,
For wine and song had surely got to me.
The night is cold; I'd like to come inside again,
But it appears I've left behind the key.
So open up, and let me in the hill again,
Or I must stand out here and sing some more,
And all the songs I'll sing are ose as they can be,
So hurry up in there and open up the door!

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

(the above written chiefly to prove you can, too, write a  humor-
ous song to the Londonderry Air...)

*****

MORETA  
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer... see "Rudolph's Ride")

You know Torene and Lessa and Brekke and F'Nor
Jaxom and F'lar and a good many more
But do you perhaps recall
The most famous rider of all....

Moreta, Pern Weyrwoman
Rode a lovely golden queen
Charmed all the folk who saw them
Gliding through the air serene


All of the other dragons
Understood the things she said
Helping to keep the weyrfolk
Organized while fighting Thread.

Then one plaguey springtime eve
Healers came to say
"Lady with your queen so grand,
Take the serum through the land."

Oh how the people loved her
Harpers sang about her fame
"Though you were lost in transit,
We will e'er recall your name.."

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

*****

ON DRAGONS
by Charlie Kellner

  On Dragons...

  Myriad the human mind
  And so diverse the Dragonkind
  In wing or claw, tooth or beak
  Every dragon stands unique
   
  There are those wyrms who men would say
  Live only to devour and slay
  I understand thy fear of these
  But I am not as ye believe
   
  True dragons are philosophers
  And speak to men in cryptic verse
  We are not often understood
  When we write in fire and blood
   
  The dragon is a subtile beast
  Beware, ere on his breath ye feast
  For those who duel must ever learn
  The truth has oft been known to burn.
   
            - Charlie Kellner, June 1981

  Dragon Summer

  A younger dragon seeks his fame
  With fiery deeds to mark his name
  As he matures he comes to know
  The victory that does not show
   
  Our race will only be as strong
  As the care we give our young
  So it was said in days of old
  So it will be when stars grow cold
   
  We have no wings and yet we fly
  We know the space beyond the sky
  We travel through the endless night
  With tongues of flame to mark our flight
   
  We come from where all life began
  Our quest is to enlighten Man
  And we shall taste ere we are done
  The golden apples of the sun
   
          - Charlie Kellner, June 1981

  Dragon's Breath

  A dragon's fire is in his breath
  His strength is in his scales
  His subtlety is in his spine
  And thereby hangs the tale
   
  So many seek to conquer him
  By armored might alone
  But dragons simply cannot die
  Until their truth is known
   
  You must not hold him prisoner
  He will not be controlled
  To beat him, look into his eyes
  And see into his soul
   
  For he who would prevail must learn
  What every wise man knows
  Who holds a dragon by the tail
  Goes where the dragon goes
   
          - Charlie Kellner, Jan 1982

  Dragon Winter

  The fire has faded from the clouds
      The dragon stands alone
   
  The sun has taken with it all
      That he had ever known
   
  On winter's wings the summer birds
      Ascend into the sky
   
  He watches, and remembers
      That once he too could fly
   
           - Charlie Kellner, May 1982

  And So New Life Begins

  While you wake
      the dragon sleeps
   
  In your dreams
      the dragon speaks
   
  As you reach
      for what you yearn
   
  So you find
      the truth
          that burns
   
      - Charlie Kellner, Jan 1982
        for Anne

poems copyright Charlie Kellner, 1981, 1982

*****

RUDOLPH'S RIDE
by Kay Shapero
(tune:  "Moreta"  by  Anne Harlan Prather, as sung  on  the  "Rat 
Mastersongs" tape.)

It's Christmas Eve and Santa is late;
He's never done this before.
It's Christmas Eve and Santa is late;
Just what is he waiting for?

A fog has crept over all the North Pole;
The reindeer can't see to fly.
The children are waiting for Santa to come;
We can't let the children cry.

 So fly, reindeer, and pull your load of cheer,
 And fly, great Santa as well
 To every child, in every home, over hill and over dale,
 Carry the presents without fail.

The weather elves from miles around
All gathered at Santa's hall
To see how far the fog could be found
And if they could stop it at all.

The Head Elf said to Santa Claus;
"We can't stop this fog, it is true.
We can tell you that it is going to get worse,
But that's all that we can do."

 So fly, reindeer, and pull your load of cheer,
 And fly, great Santa as well
 To every child, in every home, over hill and over dale,
 Carry the presents without fail.

Then Santa said to all of his crew;
"We dare not wait any longer.
We must fly out and deliver the gifts
Before this fog gets stronger."

One deer, brighter-nosed than all the rest,
Was chosen to lead the way.
His glowing nose gave the light to their flight
And saved that Christmas day.

 He flew, reindeer, and pulled his load of cheer
 He pulled great Santa as well
 To every child, in every home, through the sky with nose aflame
 'Til to every child a present came
 And the pages of history sing his name...

     Rudolph...
          Rudolph...
               Rudolph...

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

*****

SNAKES ALIVE
(by Kay Shapero)
(tune:  MacNamara's  Band - chorus to either verse tune  or  "You  
Can Build A Mainframe From The Things You Find At Home")

Conventions are my hobby and I go whene'er I can
Of art shows, filks and masquerades I am the biggest fan
Though living, breathing SF is the most fun that it gets
I like it even better when I bring along my pets

CHORUS:
    Yes madam, I'm aware that there's a snake around my neck
    It won't stay in my hair and so I figured what the heck?
    The lizards on my shoulders really do not seem to care
    They get along just fine with all the reptiles that I wear.

I went to see the art show and I'd say it's really fine
Although the dragon sculpture isn't quite as good as mine.
Alas, the time I entered mine the concom disapproved.
When someone taped the bid sheet on the consarned beastie moved!

CHORUS

The dealer's room sells books and tapes and also other things
Like posters, costumes, weapons, belts and sundry magic rings.
One dealer said his garter (jeweled) was something I should see
I told him that my garter (snake) was quite enough for me!

CHORUS

I love to go to filksings and arrive, guitar in hand
To sing of space and Kinnison's (though not that other) Band.
Although they cannot sing, my snakes come with me if they wish.
I use one for a capo on those songs by Leslie Fish.

CHORUS

The Masquerade and dance both hold a marvelous appeal
But I must go and supervise my anaconda's meal.
The python ate the chairman and it didn't seem to mind
But anacondas might get sick from dinners of that kind!

CHORUS

(The   above  dedicated to Momcat Myers' snake, Ace,  who  always 
stayed quite  nicely  in  my hair, thank you!)

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

*****

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THREADFALL
by Charlie Kellner

'Twas the night before Threadfall, when all through the weyr,
   Not a creature was stirring, except the watch-wher.
The firesacks were hung by the weyrlings with care
   In hopes that a dragon would someday be theirs.
The dragons were nestled all snug in their caves
   While dreaming of silver thread falling in waves.
And Lessa in her kerchief and F'lar in his cap
   Had just settled down for a long preflight nap
When out in the bowl there arose such a clatter
   I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
I raced down the tunnel and woke up F'lar,
   Climbed up to the Eye Rock and sighted the Star;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
   But a small clump of thread and eight tiny watch-whers!
But it danced and it darted, so lively and quick,
   I thought for a moment it might be St. N'ick.
More rapid than wherries F'lars dragons they came,

   And he whistled, and shouted and called them by name:
"Now, Mnementh!  now, Tuenth!  now, Munth and Piyanth,
   On, Lioth!  on, Valenth!  on, Tagath and Canth!
To the top of the ledge!  to the top of the wall!
   Now, dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
 
As fire lizards before the wild wherries will fly,
   Then vanish Between in the wink of an eye,
So, down to the ledges the dragons they flew,
   With the watch-whers behind - and the clump of thread, too!
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the wall
   The prancing and pawing of each little claw.
Fearing the worst, I took flight down the stair,
   And to my surprise, found St. N'ick standing there!
He was dressed in wher-hide from his head to his foot,
   And his clothes were all tarnished with thread-dust and soot.
Behind him, I saw a most marvelous sled
   Of silvery metal which glistened like thread.
He reached 'round and picked up a great leather sack,
   And giving a nod, flung it straight on his back.
He spoke not a word, but went right to his work,
   And filled all the firesacks, then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his sled, to his team gave a whistle,
   And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
   "A short Threadfall to all, and to all a good flight!"
 
                           - Charlie Kellner, Dec 1981
 
*****

UNFINISHED DRINKING SONG
by Charlie Kellner
(tune: Three Flies in a Bottle)
 
Ohhhhhh...
 
Daddy was a centaur, I'm just a quarter horse
Mommy was a mermaid, cause dad loved water sports
My girl friend is an otter, a'swimmin in the sea
And if the kids take after her...  (pause)
      They'll get the best of me
 
Three flies in a bottle, my ale is all drunk up
Let's have another round for me, and one more for my pup
 
Oh, I want to be a jedi, just like my dear old man
I want to leia princess, and blow up Alderaan
When daddy met the princess, she hated him of course
She wanted to fly solo...  (pause)
      But daddy used the force
 
[chorus -- substitute a different beverage for "ale" each time]

Words copyright Charlie Kellner, 1990

*****

WHO LU?
(words Kay Shapero)
(tune - Camptown Races)

Who's the Elder Ghod we fear?
Cthulhu, Cthulhu!
Who sleeps on from year to year?
Cthulhu is his name.
Going to pray all night
Going to chant all day
'Til he rises from the ocean floor
Then we will run away!

Words copyright Kay Shapero 1990

That's all for this issue, folks!  See ya next time!

