
025/068 25 Jan 92  21:37:40
From:   Joel Polowin
To:     All
Subj:   Fifty ways...
Attr:   
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In a message of <24 Jan 92> on the SF echo, David Dyer-Bennet writes to 
Rosemary Ighel:

 DD> John M. Ford did a Star Trek [choose-your-adventure book]
 DD> commonly referred to as "50 ways to kill an ensign".  I think
 DD> that's the one published under "J. Michael Dodge".

Oh.  My.  Has this been filked before?  If not...


Fifty Ways to Kill an Ensign

The problem is something 'bout your clothes, she said to me
The red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, "I'm Security!"
And when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you'll get to see
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign

He takes a landing party down to find what's going on
A couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along
And then before you know it - the `expendables' are gone
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
Fifty ways to kill an ensign

   Just step on a rock, Jock
   Get thorns from some plants, Lance
   A Horta can spray, Ray
   Just listen to me
   Clouds drink up your blood, Bud
   Computers can kill, Bill
   You could lose all your salt, Walt
   Kirk gets away free...

She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves
Not ev'ryone along with Kirk will suffer from this curse
But then of course, you must recall - they sometimes suffer WORSE!
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign

Just tell him, "I'm not stupid and I'm not expendable
I'm not going!"  Tell him he's a Denebian slime devil
And he's overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial
He'll find a new way to kill an ensign
Fifty-one ways to kill an ensign


--- GoldED 2.31
 * Origin: Muppet Labs, Where the Future Is Being Made Today! (1:249/106.4)

