           BoddAH  <UNREADABLE>

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who 
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile 
complaind. This note should be pretty easy to understand.  
All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the 
years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics
involved with independence and the embracement of your
community has been proven to be very true.  I haven't
felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating
music, along with really writing something for too many
years now.  I feel guilty beyond words about these things,
for example when we're backstage and the lights go out
and the manic roar of the crowd begins.  It doesn't affect
me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed
to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd,
which is something I totally admire and envy.  The fact is,
I can't fool you, any of you.  It simply isn't fair to you,
or to me.  The worst crime can think of would be to pull
people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one
100% fun.  Sometimes I feel as though I should have 
a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage.  I've
tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do,
God believe me, I do, but it's not enough.  I appreciate the
fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot
of people.  I must be one of the narcisists who only
appreciate things when they're alone.  I'm too sensitive,
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.
But, what's sad is our child.  On our last three tours, I've
had a much better appreciation of all the people I've known
personally, and as fans of our music.  But I still can't
get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have
for everybody.  There is good in all of us, and I simply
love people too much.  So much that it makes me feel too
fucking sad.  The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces
Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it?  I dont know!
I have a <UNREADABLE> of a wide who sweats ambition and empadny, 
and a doughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. 
full of love and joy, <UNREADABLE> every person she meets 
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that 
terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I 
cant stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self 
destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very good, 
and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become 
hateful towards all humans in general.  Only because it seems 
so easy for people to get along and have empathy.  Empathy 
only because I love and feel for people too much I guess.  
Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your 
letters and concern during the last years.  I'm too much of 
a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, 
so remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away.  Peace, 
love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.

     
    Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.

     please keepgoing Courtney
      for Frances
      for her life which will be so much happier
      without me.   I lOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!

