I got into Tom Lehrer in middle school, when a Chemistry teacher played this
song for me: at one time I knew every song off of his three albums by heart. It
has been fun trying to remember all of these: I did it from memory, with the
slight help of the 29th edition of the CRC handbook of Chemistry and Physics
for spelling. It's hard to believe some of these are real, or could be put into
a coherent [?!] song, this one the "Major General's Song" from _The Pirates of
Penzance_ by Gilbert and Sullivan. Lehrer at times seems to be punishing
himself, or us: the alliterations, especially in the penultimate verse,
are easily some of the vilest tounge-twisters imaginable. Some of these
names are difficult to pronounce slowly, in isolation!


                                The Elements
                                --- --------

As Sung by Tom Lehrer                           Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan

There's Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminium, Selenium
and Hydrogen and Oxygen and Nitrogen and Rhenium
Nickel, Neodynium, Neptunium, Germanium
and Iron, Americium, Ruthenium, Uranium

Europium, Zirconium, Lutetium, Vanadium
and Lathanium and Osmium and Astatine and Radium
Gold and Protactinium and Indium and Gallium
and Iodine and Thorium and Thulium and Thallium

There's Yttrium, Ytterbium, Actinium, Rubidium
and Boron, Gadolinium, Niobium, Iridium
and Strontium and Silicon and Silver and Samarium
and Bismuth, Bromine, Lithium, Beryllium and Barium

Isn't that interesting?
I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes,
because there's going to be a short quiz next period!

There's Holmium and Helium and Hafnium and Erbium
Phosphorus and Francium and Flourine and Terbium
Manganese, and Mercury, Molybdenum, Magnesium
Dysprosium, and Scandium, and Cerium and Cesium

Lead, Praesodynium, Platinum, Plutonium
Paladium, Promethium, Potassium, Polonium
Tantalum, Tecnetium, Titanium, Tellurium
and Cadmium, and Calcium, and Chromium, and Curium

There's Sulfur, Californium, Fermium, Berkelium
and also Mendelevium, Einsteinium, Nobelium
Argon, Krypton, Neon, Radon, Xenon, Zinc, and Rhodium
and Chlorine, Carbon, Copper, Cobalt, Tungsten, Tin, and Sodium

These are the only ones
of which the news has come to Harvard:
and there may be many others
but they haven't been discavard!

[With a "Shave and a Haircut -- Two Bits" flourish at the end!]

                                ----------

As far as an updated version, by IUPAC 1983, Lehrer only misses four,
elements 103 to 109 (skipping 108). Of these, only 103 has an accepted name
(Lawrencium). The rest have "working titles" which are the latinizations
of their atomic numbers, for example, "Unnilquadium" for element 104.
Lawrencium could conceivably be shoehorned in before Mendelevium, replacing
"and also".

Perhaps the end of the song could be changed to:

These are the only ones
of which the names can be pronoun'ced
And the rest have names in Latin
but they haven't been accep'ted!
Alan B. Canon           UUCP:     ...!psuvax1!ulkyvx.bitnet!abcano01
440 Highfield Rd.       INTERNET: abcano01%ulkyvx.bitnet@cunyvm.cuny.edu
Louisville, KY 40207    BITNET:   abcano01@ulkyvx
"You fool! You've just fallen victim to one of the classic blunders! The most
famous is, `Never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less
well known is, `Never go in against a SICILIAN when DEATH is on the line!!!'"


