                              PAIN 

                       Meaning and purpose 
                   in the life of a Christian 


     The ˙experience ˙of ˙pain, ˙in whatever ˙form ˙it ˙takes ˙is 
universal.  ˙˙Human ˙suffering ˙is one of ˙the ˙world's ˙greatest 
unanswered ˙questions.  ˙˙Especially ˙during the newness ˙of ˙the 
Christmas season, do we become more and more aware of the mystery 
involved ˙in ˙it.  ˙I'm not writing this article ˙to ˙attempt ˙an 
answer to the suffering question.  ˙I am writing instead, ˙simply 
to ˙share ˙some ˙of my thoughts and experiences ˙on ˙the ˙matter.  
Also, ˙˙perhaps by examining my mistakes, ˙and efforts in dealing 
with pain, ˙you will have something to fall back on when it comes 
your way ... as it inevitably will. 
     Just by way of background, I was on Cross Fire '75, the team 
to West Africa.  ˙I ˙spent much of the fifteen months we traveled 
in ˙pain, ˙and incredible fatigue.  ˙I ˙never really took it ˙too 
seriously, ˙˙as ˙most ˙of ˙us were sick ˙regularly.  ˙˙It ˙became 
frustrating for me, and the entire team though, when my illnesses 
outweighed my healthy times.  ˙The situation reached a crisis the 
final ˙month ˙of ˙team when I just couldn't ˙continue.  ˙˙I ˙˙was 
hospitalized ˙at ˙the ˙end ˙of ˙August ˙1976, ˙˙and ˙due ˙to ˙the 
persistence of a caring doctor, ˙discovered I was the victim (and 
had ˙been ˙for years) ˙of an incurable, ˙and ˙oftentimes ˙cruelly 
painful ˙disease called Systemic Lupus Erythemetosis.  ˙Lupus for 
short.  The cause, and the cure remain unknown. 
     I remember laying in the hospital in a state of ˙dis-belief.  
My ˙head ˙whirled with questions, ˙but none so prevalent ˙as ˙the 
eternal "why?"  Why me ... why now ... why this?  I ˙was suddenly 
faced with the reality that I would be dealing with pain on a day 
to ˙day ˙basis for the rest of my life.  ˙In the fear ˙that ˙such 
thoughts bring, I began to observe the attitudes toward suffering 
in ˙the ˙people ˙around me.  ˙Most of us view pain ˙as ˙something 
alien, ˙˙something ˙to ˙eradicate ˙and be rid of ˙as ˙quickly ˙as 
possible.  This attitude may be fine when you deal with ills that 
are ˙temporal, ˙definable, ˙and curable.  ˙But not all ˙suffering 
falls ˙into those categories.  ˙What do we say to those ills ˙and 
accidents ˙˙that ˙˙leave ˙their ˙victims ˙permanently ˙˙disabled, 
disfigured, or mentally incapacitated?  ˙We cannot simply dismiss 
them.  They are real, and difficult, and very much a mystery. 
     When a Christian deals with life situations, we must keep in 
mind ˙the ˙fact that God is a mystery.  ˙He cannot be defined ˙or 
explained by our limited knowledge.  ˙Who hasn't heard someone in 
desperation or grief ask the unanswerable "why?"  And who had the 
power and wisdom to respond?  Once we accept that sometimes there 
are ˙no ˙answers, ˙at least for now, ˙we experience a release ˙of 
those gnawing doubts, ˙and become free to start learning.  ˙˙When 
there ˙are ˙no answers, ˙only questions for us, ˙we must look ˙to 
Christ, ˙˙and ˙His example.  ˙Jesus felt.  ˙He hurt and ˙laughed, 
suffered ˙and died as we all must.  ˙He was and is God incarnate, 
sensitive counselor to our despair, ˙as He has felt the very same 
pain we do.  ˙C.S. Lewis, upon the death of a dear friend, ˙wrote 
in his book A Grief Observed: 
     "When ˙I lay these questions before God, ˙I ˙get no ˙answer.  
But, a rather special no answer.  It is not a locked door.  It is 
more ˙like a silent, ˙certainly not unkind gaze.  ˙As ˙though ˙He 
shook His head, ˙not in refusal, but waiving the question.  Like, 
'Peace Child, you don't understand." 
     The ˙enigma of pain reflects the mystery of God.  ˙It begins 
as a journey of trust.  We can choose to accept and deal with our 
frailty, ˙˙or, ˙like Ivan Dostoevsky stated, ˙"If God offered ˙me 
suffering ˙as a pass through life, ˙I ˙for one would ˙return ˙the 
ticket."  ˙We can face, ˙and even learn from the realities of our 
humanity, or we can run from them. 
     Why ˙must suffering remain a mystery?  ˙I ˙can't give a ˙pat 
answer, ˙˙but isn't it true that the times we are closest to ˙the 
Lord ˙are those times we have no control?  ˙For me these are also 
the hours of my greatest sensitivity and compassion to those near 
me.  ˙˙It's ˙only when our efforts to rationalize ˙and ˙eradicate 
seemingly useless pain are gone, ˙and we reach the end of our own 
rope, ˙we see Christ's strength available to us.  ˙If the mystery 
were ˙fully explained, ˙there would be no crisis.  ˙Most of ˙all, 
there ˙would ˙be no need of our faith walk with God.  ˙˙Pain ˙and 
suffering are not some type of Cosmic Character Builders sent ˙by 
the ˙Almighty.  ˙They are however, ˙used by Him to strengthen and 
cleanse our relationship to Him and to each other. 
     As ˙Christians ˙we ˙believe that God's ˙promises ˙are ˙true.  
Romans 8:28 ˙reminds us that the Lord is ever present and working 
in our trials.  Sometimes this is comforting, but often, the pain 
is still there, ˙and still very hard to cope with.  ˙Just because 
we ˙know we are living a mystery, ˙and God is using it, ˙˙doesn't 
make ˙it hurt any less.  ˙But so much of our suffering depends on 
our ˙attitude ˙toward ˙it.  ˙It's very human, ˙˙and ˙necessary ˙I 
believe, ˙˙to ˙experience ˙fear, ˙anger, ˙˙self-pity, ˙˙and ˙even 
bitterness.  ˙We wouldn't be normal if these emotions didn't pass 
through us.  ˙I think so often of one of my African friends, ˙who 
when I reached a high pitched frustration, would always shake his 
head and say, ˙"Kristi, it will pass."  It will pass.  Fear, ˙and 
all ˙of the so-called "negative" ˙emotions that follow it can ˙be 
healthy, ˙normative, ˙and even creative forces in our lives.  ˙˙A 
well balanced emotional human is capable of them all.  ˙They only 
become evil when we allow them to immobilize and blind us to ˙the 
lessons ˙we could be learning.  ˙Personally, ˙I ˙have ˙chosen ˙to 
concentrate on life, ˙my life as it is now.  ˙I ˙cannot wish ˙the 
pain away, or ignore it.  It has become a very real part of who I 
am.  ˙˙But what I can do, ˙whether I am suffering or not, ˙is ˙to 
concentrate ˙on ˙the ˙health ˙that exists ˙inside ˙of ˙me.  ˙˙The 
acceptance of my human condition, ˙in the light of God's promises 
leads to a fresh hope, and a new peace of mind. 
     As ˙I study the Bible, ˙I'm always amazed at the ˙incredible 
sensitivity Jesus has toward us.  ˙We humans, ˙unfortunately ˙are 
much ˙more ego-centric in our view of suffering.  ˙We ˙mean ˙well 
usually, but never quite know what to say or do.  In sharing with 
a ˙person in pain, ˙or dealing with it yourself, ˙it is vital ˙to 
remember ˙that ˙the ˙suffering Christian lives ˙with ˙a ˙constant 
reminder ˙of ˙his/her ˙frailty.  ˙There is no question ˙that ˙God 
heals, ˙˙likewise ˙there ˙is ˙no question that ˙we ˙don't ˙always 
understand ˙how ˙He ˙does so.  ˙Ours is not a total ˙theology ˙of 
glory.  We live, as Martin Luther puts it, ˙"In the shadow of the 
Cross."  ˙˙We ˙must take this cross seriously, ˙with all of ˙it's 
implications.  There is no victory without defeat, ˙glory without 
shame, ˙or health without suffering.  ˙For example; I ˙cannot say 
that I have been healed of my disease. (Not yet anyway) I can say 
however, ˙that I have been healed of many other things through my 
disease.  ˙˙I've ˙never felt as loved as when I discovered I ˙had 
Lupus.  I saw Christ alive through the caring of His church, ˙and 
I ˙˙experienced ˙firsthand ˙the ˙sensitivity ˙and ˙faith ˙of ˙His 
followers.  Healing with suffering ... victory, in the shadows. 
     I'd ˙like to tell you that I accept and trust at all ˙times, 
but ˙I ˙can't.  ˙I'm human.  ˙When I'm in pain, ˙˙I'm ˙constantly 
reminded ˙of my mortality.  ˙But, ˙I'm also reminded that in ˙the 
shadow (or light?) ˙of the cross, and God's promise of redemption 
through Christ, there is hope. 
     In ˙closing ˙out my thoughts, ˙I ˙think ˙it's ˙important ˙to 
mention ˙a little bit on the practical side of sensitivity to the 
suffering person.  I ˙believe the most important attitude you can 
take is honesty.  ˙A ˙person is rarely alone in their pain.  ˙˙If 
there ˙are people around who care, ˙they will be suffering ˙also.  
If ˙you ˙find ˙yourself in that boat, ˙don't be afraid ˙to ˙admit 
you're afraid.  Be honest about your feelings, hurts, ˙and fears.  
If ˙you're ˙angry or confused, ˙talk about it, ˙˙it ˙helps.  ˙˙Be 
supportive ˙of the suffering person, ˙but don't pity them.  ˙˙Let 
them know you care by being yourself, ˙that is after all who they 
love and need.  Accept the ills of those you're dealing with as a 
part ˙of ˙themselves.  ˙A ˙very real part.  ˙Most of all, ˙˙don't 
underestimate ˙them.  ˙˙They ˙will fight the ˙pain, ˙˙fear, ˙˙and 
desperation hand in hand with you, and with our Lord. 
     I hope some of the things I've talked about will help you in 
your ˙trials.  ˙˙I ˙hope it helps the next time you hold me, ˙˙or 
someone like me as they cry.  ˙I ˙hope most of all, ˙you use your 
experience in suffering to grow in sensitivity, ˙and that our God 
will burn into your conscience your need of Him in health as well 
as ˙pain.  ˙˙This ˙Christmas, ˙may you be guided ˙by ˙the ˙tender 
compassion of our bleeding Savior. 

Kristi Lee Hernmeir 

NOTE:  This article was written by Kristi for the Christmas, 1977 
issue ˙of the National Lutheran Youth Encounter Newspaper.  ˙˙The 
article was written only a few days before Kristi's death.       
     Permission ˙to reprint the article was given by Pastor ˙Gene 
and Ruby Hernmeir, Kristi's parents. 


