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NOTE: 39 COLUMNS/LOWERCASE
      325 LINES/35 SECTORS  

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*  High Society presents...           *
*                                     *
*  The Real Pirate's Guide, Volume 2  *
*                                     *
*            compiled  by             *
*             Ctrl-Reset              *
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Finally!  After a few cheap imitations,
the second volume of Rabid Rasta's 
Real Pirate's Guide.  Since RR has left
for the college scene, and I worked
closely with him on the first version,
you'll have to put up with me for this
installment.

----------

As stated in the first edition of The
Real Pirate's Guide, there are a lot
of pirates; unfortunately, a vast 
majority of them are morons.  For this
reason, these "guides" have been as-
sembled to aid in the growth and matur-
ity of the younger pirate generation.
Which brings us to the golden rule of
pirating:  "REAL PIRATES ARE OVER 15
YEARS OF AGE"(exceptions are few, like
if one was a beta-tester for
Broderbund, we could let that slide).

What follows is a compendium of all the
ideals and morals a Real Pirate should
possess.  Note that some have been
taken over from the first Guide because
of their high value, and because these
rules are still widely knocked around.


----------

[SOFTWARE]

Real Pirates can appreciate the differ-
ence between "Karateka," and "Competi-
tion Karate".
             
Real Pirates have long-since deleted
"Caverns of Freitag," "Mr. Cool," 
"Trompers," "Jenny of the Prairie,"
and still couldn't give a sack of dog
dicks about anything from Avalon Hill,
SSI, and especially Scott Adams(AI).

Corollary:  Real Pirates would jump
at the chance to "help" Adventure
International go Chapter 11.

Real Pirates aren't obsessed with the
never-ending quest of collecting all
12 sides of "Time Zone".

Real Pirates respect the programming 
and creative talents of those working
for Broderbund, Infocom, and Electron-
ic Arts, and congratulate them on a 
valiant attempt to make money.
      
Real Pirates didn't get excessively
excited upon the release of "Soft-
Porn Adventure," "Strip Poker," or 
anything of the sort.

Real Pirates respect the efforts of
other pirates to sell his or her own programs, but would distribute them
at them drop of a hat.
       
Real Pirates pirates aren't just 
"learning assembly."  Or even worse,
"machine language."

Real Pirates don't contemplate why
their Apple II+ w/48k won't run 
"King's Quest," or "DazzleDraw."

Real Pirates know that the Mail 
Trading Club, run by The Professor, is
the biggest mail-order scam/rip-off
since X-Ray glasses.

Real Pirates aren't anticipating the
release of the follow-up to "The
Phillistine Ploy."

Real Pirates know that Lord British is
not the Monarch of any European empire.

Real Pirates know that "Road Pizza" was
either a very good joke, or a very bad
game.

Real Pirates play "Karateka".


[MODEMING/BBS'] 


When posting a message, Real Pirates
can differentiate between: 'z' and 's',
'ph' and 'f', '2' and 'two', 'u' and
'you', '0' and 'O', '4' and 'for', and
'x' and 'ks'. 

Corollary:  Real Pirates have long-
since possessed the ability to punctu-
ate, spell and construct clear, well
organized sentences.

Corollary to the corollary:  Real 
Pirates aren't constantly searching for
new ways to spell "WARES".

Real Pirates don't use the prefix "k-"
(ie. k-k00l, k-awesome, k-mart).

Real Pirates use lower case.

Real Pirates don't use text graphics.

Real Pirates don't use imbedded back-
spacing.

Real Pirates don't post "I have" mes-
sages, when they really don't have.

Real Pirates aren't to impressed with
"spinny" cursors, and turn them off
upon logging onto such boards.

Real Pirates don't try to impress 
others with their superior ability to
add many carriage returns at the end
of a message, thus preventing anyone
from reading the last few lines.

Real Pirates don't brag about people
they know, or clubs they are in to
the point of becoming obnoxious. 
(ie."RACKRACKRACKRACKRACKRACKRACK",etc)

Real Pirates don't obtain their 
"phreak" codes from the local Net-Works "super-elite hack board".

Real Pirates use the latest version
of ASCII Express "Pro".

Real Pirates, when trading with another Real Pirate, are not concerned with  
matching everything the other pirate 
sends them.  Real Pirates are happy to 
send wares to other Real Pirates simply because they are in the same business. 
(ie. no, "I send you 3 sides, you send 
me 3 sides") 

Real Pirates don't wait for BBS' to
print-out the