From talk.politics.guns:

> As an intellectual exercise, people who use this phrase should
> think about their favorite leisure time activity and try to
> think of reasons (however irrational) other people might think
> that activity has no legitimate reason to exist.  If you need
> help, send me email and I'm sure I can demonstrate.

WHEREAS: personal computers are the "instrument of choice" used by outlaw 
        computer hackers who break into private company computer systems,

AND, whereas personal computers are used for word processing, or freely 
        publishing whatever material critical of government policy, or 
        critical of another person as the author may choose,

AND, whereas such published material is often sent while the author
           is still "hot under the collar",

Now be it resolved that personal computers, typewriters, and other word
processors should be strictly controlled in the following manners:

1) A seven-day waiting period should be instituted whereby a
   check can be ran on the computer purchaser to see if he/she
   has any record of mental disorder or criminal or misdemeanor
   offense. This will also give the would be author a chance to
   "cool off" and reconsider whether or not to publish a heated
   letter that might upset some government bureaucrat's delicate
   little ego.

2) After background checks have been performed on the prospective
   computer purchaser, said computer shall be duly registered
   with the government, and shall be kept on the premises of
   a computer club, under lock and key. The computer owner shall
   not transport the computer from the club premises without
   prior permission from Howard Metzenbaum or Teddy Kennedy.

3) No computer should be sold having a hard disk of more than
   500,000 bytes. Disks of 20, 40, 60 and 80 megabytes capacity
   permit far too much space to store inflammatory and anti-government
   material, which can be dumped to a printer in rapid-fire
   fashion. Such computers are "assault computers", and have
   no place in a polite society.

4) Fast speed printers shall be prohibited. Such printers enable
   an amateur author to literally bury the opposition in reams
    of paper. This amounts to the government being clearly
    "outgunned", or outpublished by a disgruntled citizen author.

 5) Portable word processors shall be prohibited. They are too
    easily concealable, and can be carried aboard airliners
    where it is all too easy for the author to whip-up a heated
    letter while enroute to the next destination. These, cheap,
    easily concealable instruments serve no other purpose than
    to assassinate the characters of innocent people.

 6) Floppy disks shall be carefully imprinted with a magnetic
    tag which will be a unique identifier, easily traceable in
    the event of illegal use. No floppy disk of more than
    300,000 bytes will be permitted. Present owners of such
    disks will have until six months after enactment of this
    article to either register, destroy or render them inoperable.

 7) The government shall have authority to enforce this act by
    any means it sees fit. Once denied a permit to purchase, the
    citizen shall have no recourse. Police are empowered to invade
    a private dwelling to confiscate suspected contraband. No 
    warrant is needed for enforcement of this act.

Failure to comply with any of the above requirements shall result in
up to 5 years imprisonment, and up to a $10,000 fine. Prison overcrowding
shall not be an excuse for not imprisoning a violator of this act. A resident
felon shall be placed on parole to make room, in such event.

Reasons for support of this act are offered as follows:

These modifications to existing computer ownership are mild controls
that will significantly reduce illegal use of personal computers, while 
at the same time protecting rights granted under the First Amendment.

No "individual" right was intended by the framers of the First Amendment.
"Freedom of the press" was clearly intended as a "collective" right granted
to an organized press, such as a newspaper or magazine publisher.

Further, the "right to peaceably assemble and petition the government for
a redress of grievances" is clearly not valid in this case. Assault computers
are clearly a vicious threat to the public, and therefore warrant dispensation
of whatever right was intended by this phrase. Therefore, no recourse shall
be made available in the courts or through the legislature. Such grievances
introduced in any court of law shall be immediately determined to be
"frivolous", and be immediately dismissed without consideration. It is proper
that no "mindless" appeal to the Constitution about some imagined right be 
recognized, in this case.

No "individual" right was intended by the framers of the Fourth Amendment,
either. The right of the "people" to be secure in their personal dwellings
and properties is merely a "collective" right granted to whomever those same 
"people" happen to be, as mentioned in the First, Second, Ninth and Tenth 
Amendments. It has already been established that the Second Amendment is not a
right of the "people" at large, but a right of the States to assemble a
militia. Perhaps, the "people" mentioned in other amendments are these
select persons comprising the several state militias. Therefore, only those
serving as members of a state controlled militia have any right to be secure
in their personal properties, especially personal "assault" computers.

Whatever was meant by rights not enumerated in the Constitution, as 
contained in the Ninth Amendment, clearly does not represent any imaginable
right granted to any individual. Again, the "people" referenced here are
those same "people" mentioned above - either the organized press or the
organized militia.

These very mild proposals are indeed a minor tradeoff for the incalculable
damage done by illegal computer use, even if only one would-be computer hacker 
is stopped by them. No prospective computer user can be so immediately in
"need" to purchase a computer that he/she cannot wait a mere seven days 
(or forever), unless he/she is intending to use it in an unlawful manner. No 
body "needs" a computer so badly they cannot wait a mere seven days to take 
possession of it. No body "needs" a computer that is capable of storing more 
than 500,000 bytes of information on its hard disk.  No body "needs" a fast 
printer capable of printing over 300 characters per second. Such computers 
serve no amateur, or "sporting" purpose, if you will.

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"On every question of construction (of the Constitution) let us 
carry ourselves back to the time when the Constitution was adopted, 
recollect the spirit manifested in the debates, and instead of trying 
what meaning may be squeezed out of the text, or invented against it, 
conform to the probable one in which it was passed." - Thomas Jefferson,
letter to William Johnson, June 12, 1823, The Complete Jefferson, p322.

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