 here is a very special rant penned by my companero ken, slated to appear in
 the next issue of his/our zine, _twilight in turkey_ (projected release date:
 end june-begin july 1994)...
 In the Volley of Slow Death, by Ken Wong
 
      In the suburbs I can visit my father's grave and be certain he's buried.
 It wasn't my idea to plant him there; still what is done is done.  I could
 also be certain my remaining family is neither alive or dead but undead.
 No-bodies going know-where [sic].  The moralism and work that helped finish 
 dad off also gradually eat away my family.  The suburban environment reeks
 of defeat, homogenization, repression, representation, and more minus city
 beggars infecting the omnipotent malls.  America is more or less a mega-mall
 with some bargain for every neurosis, phobia, and impediment.  To visit here
 now is to feel my armoring rattle again.  How I want to bash the shit eating
 faces in the supermarket as if that alone could awaken them to the art of
 living!
     Yet I find the same alienation in the city.  The same empty gestures of
 daily routine designated by things (i.e. money, commodities, etc.) and ab-
 straction (i.e. the very idea of government, religion, media, language, etc.).
 I know what I want and what I don't need.  Besides the suburban void, I also
 reject the necrophilia of ideology and social straitjackets accompanying it.
 The more I find out about myself and my environment (locally/globally) the
 more this proclamation rings true... NOTHING IS ABOVE QUESTIONING INCLUDING
 YOURSELF!
      In the volley of slow death you're knocked back and forth between var-
 iants of the fucked up totality.  If your anxiousness is still intact you 
 will want a quick resolution to this zero/sum game dominating your exist-
 ence.  Suicide or homicide?  The act of killing yourself or the act of kill-
 ing the cop inside you?  I opt for the latter since I'm more of a threat/
 treat breathing, ranting, raving, learning and playing.  In an era of cop
 culture, we need more criminals... with the audacity to steal back their 
 lives and to plunder all that isn't nailed down which enhances their desires/
 needs/whims to share with one and all.  As Ruskin wrote, "Wealth is other
 people."
     The art of living is colored by taking risks.  The rise of cop/serial
 killer consumer cults/cuture, the Spectacle's continued success (the Persian
 Gulf show, dark-skinned and/or female star victims like Anita Hill, endless
 polls and elections, advertising still haunting you for years, boot camps
 for kids, etc.)the fear of sexual pleasure (especially children's), and more 
 are products of a culture or society afraid of risks.  I find this fear not
 only in the mainstream but among those who wave the black flag.
     A similarity common to many in the mainstream and anarchist movement is
 the avoidance of broader knowledge outside their scenes.  How many times do
 I taste the same general vanilla flavoring of the suburbs and anachist mili-
 eu?  How many times do I see and hear people act so tough and knowing from
 the comfort of subculture yet never interact with "others" of contrasting
 age, color, sexuality, or in other words outcasts making contact with other
 outcasts or people outside their cliques and neighborhood/community?  People
 outside of your scene that will challenge your politics and your reality?
 Do I need another automatic attempt to placate my practical critical con-
 cerns?
     Why hide behind a wall of silence and complacency when you really have
 something to say?  Why avoid self-analysis or constructive criticism with a
 defense of "feelings" which while are important are only half of an ongoing
 process?  Why say one thing and not follow through on it?
     Does your daily routine consist of militancy like other long-dead anar-
 chists buried in defeat and martyrdom had?  Are you so sure revolution can't
 happen right now; a glorious uprising that will surpass your meager expec-
 tations?  Do you really want freedom or do you want to fetishize words of
 freedom?  Does anarchy mean waiting for the revolution, waiting until all
 sentient beings are liberated, until federations are full to the rim, buying
 up more times with reforms until those are gone, of acting on the same moral-
 ism/guilt that fuels the Papist fish head in Rome, fascists and politicians,
 or does it mean grabbing what you can now and giving some back so you can 
 taste what you've been screaming for?  Are you ready to give up all ideology
 including anarchism and the role you play in subculture for a dip into the
 unknown, therefore exciting and full of potential, region or stateless, 
 classless, nondogmatic liberty?
     I'm neither black nor white, nor do I want to be either one.  I was born
 into marginality but use it to my advantage.  I have no need for identity
 politics based on the oppressor's language/mindscape/political framework
 since I see past false dichotomies.  I'm several states of being at once.
 I sift through whatever catches my whims, my tastes, my imagination that 
 won't kill me but only makes me stronger and appropriate it.  I mix up 
 colorful, intoxicating concoctions.  Here's a recipe for you to try at home:
 -1/2 cup of bile and menstruation from Valerie Solanas   
 -4 tablespoons of minced Scotch Bonnet spleen from Anton La Vey
 -16 ounces of vintage Charles Fourier
 -6 scoops of Hakim Bey
 -A shot of Lorenzo Ervin
 -A shot of Wilhelm Reich
 -A pinch of Taoism
 -3/4 cup of vintage soul music stew
 -A handful of Nietzchean and Stirnerist cubes
      Put all ingredients in a blender.
      Then blend for 5 minutes.
      Serve at room temperature with a twist.
                 (end of part 1--i'm getting too sleepy to finish this all in
                  one night...) 

    I'm serious but not sober.  I face an everyday war on the senses from 
various angles.  Practical egotism (beyond self-sacrifice and petty material-
istic greed) that tells something useful about myself and others that will 
make a difference in their lives and mine is the glue harmonizing clashing
ingredients.  The beauty of a shotgun marriage between a sewing machine and
an umbrella on a dissecting table is lost to those who are too purist, too
boring in their...*yawn*... political beliefs.
    Unlike some of you, I'm not compartmentalizing oppression.  Single issues
become thought commodities sold to fragmented people who hold little or no
self opinion.  They are used to divide and conquer.  There is a totality 
which contains and uses racism, sexism, looks-ism, phobias, and other brands
of fear and stupidity that is an illusion itself which most people don't 
holistically comprehend.  I don't rank people's oppression according to what
is deemed cool to act on what I can socially benefit from while not raising
up my so-called benefactors to a higher level.  You have your own oppression
to work on and the external conditions.  You can't change anything if you
can't change yourself.  Be true to yourself.  
    Already these moldy cliches are plaguing my words because of the total-
ity's strong mass conditioning and the lack of effort some anarchists make.
Don't debate me on orthodoxy since many times orthodoxy equals mediocrity.
One can look at the "official" anarchist organizations who were caught off
during actual anti-state, anti-authoritarian uprisings; the shady dealings
of CNT-FAI officials during the 1936 Spanish Civil War that won them govern-
ment positions while the workers fought admirably for their liberty against
the same government, fascism, and Stalinism; and the lack of any organized
approval/control millions of French people in May-June 1968 had which rattled
the archaic French Anarchist Federation's cage.
    Are you a bureaucrat or do you take your real desires for realities?  Do
you want to engage yourself and others in ways that the state, the churches, 
the capitalists, whoever, whatever couldn't and won't do besides merely off-
ering bread, retooled dumbocracy, new approved roles, more work, and more
bosses, etc?  What about creativity, spontaneity, conviviality, pleasure,
adventure, etc?  How will you share these with others?
    Don't talk about it further, just go out and challenge yourself!  Make
your presence in this world undeniable and contagious.  Don't be a slave to
a name!  Do you have ideas or do ideas have you?  As sure as I'm writing 
these words there are many but not a majority of people already living them
out.  I'm sure we will meet up someday  and wouldn't you like to join us?
Imagine the possibilities a union of egotists could unleash upon the world.
It could be better than what you went through before especially without dead
ideological/conformist weight on your back.  The volley of slow death would
be a memory not a routine.

(for further information or to contact ken, email me at: carlosd@ripco.com.
thank you for your understanding; i hope one can somehow tie this in with 
@ activism, however tangentially...)  

