  Hello, my name is Kevin, and I'm going to teach you how to steal beer. It's 
very simple. All you have to do is listen. I am a blackbelt in Ninpo (the 
higher order of Ninjitsu) and I have learned many things that I will simplify 
for you. OK, let's take an example ... you want to steal some beer? No 
problem ... how do you accomplish this? Easy. First you have to plan.... 
always know the layout of the store... a lot of convenient stores have their 
beer in plain sight from the cashier counter ... these are not a good place 
to steal beer from, unless there is a distraction ... in Ninjitsu it is 
taught that a target can only focus on 3 things at once ... in the case of 
the cashier ... the money, the person and the item. so whenever possible ... 
take the beer when there is someone at the counter ... and the more people 
the more the cashier's brain has to subconsciously distinguish between those 
persons actions, but beware ... a lot of customers might be on the lookout 
for shoplifters. OK, you have found a store that has the beer row hidden 
somewhat by another row of snacks or what have you ... the next step is to 
put that item in your concealed possession without anyone else noticing. It's 
easy. Wear the right suit ... it's hard to conceal big items when you wear 
shorts, a wifebeater and sandals. That's why it is so much easier to steal in 
the winter. You wear a coat and pants. Dress up when you steal. Try to wear a 
thick shirt or sweater when it doesn't look conspicuous. 

       Now you have to conceal the item in your person without being spotted 
... another easy one. Beer is setup in an unusual manner, they tilt forward 
at a 22 degree angle, so that the beer will make noise when it is being taken 
from the slot.

No doubt to alert the cashier of a possible shoplifter. Here is where timing 
comes into play. You need a time frame of about 7 seconds. That's it! With 7 
seconds you can retrieve the bottle without it clanking. Here's how. First I 
should note that is better to open a shelf beside the beer ... like a door 
that has 12 ounce plastic bottle cokes, because in all stores the cashier can 
see what door is being opened, and they are probably conditioned to what 
position the beer door is in their view of sight. 80% of the time I grab the 
beer through a door that does not have beer ... this makes it more difficult 
to keep the clanking down, but I believe it looks less suspicious. And also, 
the best beer to steal is 40 or 22 ounces, they are easily concealed. Do 
yourself a favor and don't try to steal 12 packs... 90% of the time it won't 
work. 

       Here is how to grab the beer ... the human hand is very jittery when 
in an anxious state of mind, not good for grabbing loud bottles. What you do 
is an old Japanese Ninjitsu exercise before you enter the store, it will calm 
you down, and you won't look suspicious either. Here's what you do - take a 
deep breath slowly, fill your lungs all the way up ... hold it for 3 seconds, 
then exhale slowly and totally ... push all your air out, and hold it for 3 
seconds, then inhale normally. I could go on for about 3 paragraphs about why 
this works, but I will spare you the time. This is a good way of clearing the 
mind, and I guarantee it will make you unnoticable. 

       Here is how to stop the bottles from clanking - the bottles are on a 
22 degree tilt, so when they are handled, there will be clanking noises, 
which alert the cashier. Another easy problem. You must have delicate 
hands... what you do is grab the beer above the beer that you are going to 
steal, and hold it in place, when you are doing this - focus on the word 
'Soften' just trust me on that. You have to seperate the bottle behind the 
beer you are going to steal away from the bottle you are going to steal, so 
it dosn't clank when you take it, by about 4 millimeters. That gives you 
enough space to pull it away from the other bottle without it touching. Now, 
once you have that bottle completly away from the bottle you were holding in 
the shelf, you have to think about the sound it will make when you let go of 
it. It will release from your hand, and clank next to the bottle behind it, 
and so will the bottle behind it, and the one before that... you get the 
point. So you have to ease the bottles back down, so the first bottle meets 
the end of the row, without it making a sound. Don't 'studder' your 
movements... if you did that breathing excercise you probly won't. 

       OK, you have gotten the beer and have completley made no sound... 
good! Now how to conceal it. The best way is to wear baggy pants., that has 
room in the wasteline to shove a beer into it, and have the proper shirt, 
sweater or coat will hide the presence of the beer. Practice this first, if 
you have a 40 ounce around. Or practice the movements in your head. 

       Now shut the door slowly and make your way to the door... do not make 
eye contact with the cashier... ever! Once you have possesion of the beer 
just keep your head down (look at items on the lower shelf)  and make your 
way to the door. Hopefully the cashier is still fixated on a customer, and 
won't pay notice to you leaving without buying an item. Contrary to populer 
belief it is not a good idea to buy a cheap item... it is best to just leave 
after you have stolen the beer (remember, the cashier has no clue that you 
have stolen anything). 

       Too easy. I have stolen alot of beer from stores, and alot of other 
items, you can adapt this teaching to any other item (that is easily 
concealed within clothes).

       If you have any questions or would like to comment or have used my 
method to get beer, or want me to write about another subject... e-mail me at 
"Lucid Impulses@aol.com" 

       Good luck!
