FUN THINGS TO DO WITH AN OLD REFRIGERATOR
BY: DIzzIE [c]opyleft2002

All right, so you’ve got an old fridge…something you picked up at a garage sale for 25 cents, or at the dump, or maybe even its your own old piece of shit. Bottom line is you have a fridge and don’t want to pay to have it removed. Here are some phun, practical, and maybe even creative ideas for what the fuck to do with the fridge:

•	Makeshift Bathtub Just clean it, take out/rip out all the shelving as well as the door, and use as a bathtub. Sure, it may look like the epitome of white trash culture, but who the fuck cares? You just saved yourself a couple hundred…In addition, you could place a post (a hollow pipe, like that which hold up street signs, or just a standard PVC pipe) upright next to one end of the fridge, run a standard gardening hose through the interior of the pipe, with the tip of the hose protruding outwards from the top. Tape the end of the hose in place so it is sticking out in an upside down L formation. Next, screw a sprinkler cap unto the hose, turn the water on, and voila you’ve got yourself a shower as well! Furthermore, the freezer compartment can become a sink…

•	Trough/water container If you’ve got live stock (particularly horses), don’t waste money on buying troughs. Simply clean the fridge, and pile the main portion of the feed for the livestock into the main fridge section, and fill the freezer section with water, or vice versa. If you for some arrogant reason don’t like the idea of having a fridge in the middle of your pasture, you can try sprucing it up by painting it vibrant colours and such…And speaking of using your former fridge for decorative purposes:

•	Gardening Bed Fill your fridge with fertile soil and simply use it as a garden bed for flowers, fresh produce, or even setting up your own little peyote farm. Don’t forget to drill drainage holes in the bottom of the fridge.

•	Anger Management Tool Feel FUCKING PISSED OFF about something? Just take a bat and start beating the fuck out of the fridge. Go fucking wild, see how deep you can make the dents. Can you do a clean bust all the way through the interior? If you’re fucking pissed off enough, then sure! Also try picking the motherfucker up and tossing it; using an axe on it; giving it a good gasoline bath and setting it aflame; and of course tossing bowling balls on it from the roof of your house. And don’t forget about daddy’s shotgun…

•	Sled #1 Preferably rip off the doors and the cooling shit on the back, then find a nice sharply inclined hill, preferably during a snow day, and with no surface obstructions (a grassy knoll versus a rocky canyon) to ensure smooth sailing. Then just climb inside, ask someone for a push, and enjoy the ride.

•	Public Statue (Nuisance) Take the fridge and subtly leave it standing up in a variety of public places…in the middle of a busy intersection (set it up at night), a city center, etc…Obviously this should be done when the amount of bystanders is a minimum. If you are willing to put more effort into it you can smear the doors along with the surrounding ground with ketchup (or other superficial blood-like substances), get a large mannequin and place it half way inside the fridge. For still further affect, you can always set the fridge on fire by giving it a good spray with a flammable liquid of your choice, alcohol or gasoline will be fine.

•	Sled #2 A faster fridge sledding technique (remembering to make the bottom as smooth as possible by ripping off the cooling mechanisms) is to attach the fridge to the back bumper of a pickup or bus, and tell the drive to floor it ;). You can attach the fridge by drilling a hole in the bottom which when the fridge is placed on its back becomes the side. Then loop a strong cord through this hole and tie it to the bumper. 

•	Storage Space All right, so for some fucked up reason you didn’t want to use the fridge for storing food (hey no questions asked). Well that doesn’t mean you can’t use it for storing other crap. Just pile shit into it that you don’t want laying around on the floor, or use it for a more practical reason such as storing books (keeping them cool will help preserve them), or even putting your computer in there on a particularly hot day. 

•	Makeshift Coffin The whole process of disposing of bodies is both expensive and just plain bullshit. Just put the body if the deceased in the fridge, close the door, and wish it farewell. Simple as that. No fucking need whatsoever to spend thousands of dollars on a “real” coffin. It’s also quite fun to put a drunken roommate into the fridge, then seal it up with rope and duct tape, and even chains, and leave him in there. (Remembering to, as in the gardening bed experiment to drill a few air holes). 

Enjoy!
Email me: xcon0@yahoo.com