GET FREE SHIT BY (NOT) WORKING FOR THE PRESS
By: DIzzIE (Antikopyright 2007)

I’ve mentioned this little technique every now and then in several other texts, but thought it’d be fitting to devote a short textfile to it, so as to elucidate the matter a wee bit further. 

The heart of this hustle simply involves pretending to be a member of the press so as to gain free access to events (movie screenings and festivals, concerts, sporting events, amusement parks (see http://www.rorta.net/index.php?page=freethemeparkadd) or/and get free goodies (books, movies, music, software/games, food, and whatever other merchandise you set your hungry little eyes on) sent to you in the mail. The level of preparation and the amount of credibility props you’ll need will vary depending on the prize you’re after, but the general framework will be more or less the same. So let’s first look at the general gear you might need, and then break it down into getting free goods and free admittance.

Variable List of Potential Credibility Props
~Official Letterhead [A simple logo of the mag you work for]
~Magazine Website [A dot com will look more believable than a Geocities account, much like an email matching the domain will look a touch better than, say, nrkeygrrrl88@hotmail.com...]
~Press Pass [Here’s a way cool template to fuck around with: binghamtonpmc.org/bhuston/presspass/]
~Notepad [Just a plain pocket notepad to jot down all those ever-so-important details you’ll be reporting about ;)]
~Phone/Fax Number [j2.com, one among many such providers, offers a free voice mail box and fax reception service. Faxes can generally be sent from your local copy places like Kinko’s]
~Publication Masthead [the list of all the staff names/positions they hold at the magazine, with “your” name obviously being included]

Credibility props are used by you to convince your target that you do indeed work for “the press.” Remember that this is a general list that is certainly not applicable for all situations. Refer to the specific requirements for the target you’re going to be scamming. Remember, if any of these things seem like too much work to forge, you’ll only need to make them once, and can reuse them (with minor alterations) for all future reviewer scams. 

Free Goods
To use an example, let’s say you want a gratis copy of a certain new book that’s due out next month. To do so, you’ll need to request what’s called a ‘review copy’ (fancy, eh?). Browse the publisher’s website and find their specific protocol for requesting the copy. The standard procedure involves faxing your request on your magazine’s letterhead. The fax should be less than a page long and include the title of your book request (including ISBN), the address to which the book should be sent, and a brief blurb about your zine. If you can’t get to a fax machine, an alternative would be to either email them a PDF of your request (complete you’re your zine’s letterhead), or to send a snail mail request. Your letter should be in the standard full (jobsearchtech.about.com/od/letters/l/bl_block_p.htm) or modified (jobsearchtech.about.com/od/letters/l/bl_mblock_p.htm) block formats, so as to keep it all professional-like and shit. As for the content, keep it brief and to the point: state what you want, why you want it, and why it’ll behoove the target to send it to you (something along the lines of ‘our magazine has a wide readership we think is an ideal match for your product’ can work marginally better than ‘…or else I won’t give your children the antidote…’.

Remember to make sure that the so-called ‘target demographic’ of the magazine you work for matches the target customer base of the product you’re requesting. That is to say, if you’re writing to request some make-up, you’ll probably want to say you write for a beauty mag, whereas if you’re trying to score some kinky gadget or that hot new scat fetish DVD, you’ll obviously want to say you run a more ‘adult’ oriented zine ;). 

After you get the goods, you can go ahead and write up a cock slurping review and send it back to the folks who sent you the products, thereby greatly strengthening the chance that they’ll be willing to send you more shit later on. (Trust me, the prolonged contact is worth the effort, a matter of not burning your bridges, if you will).

Nota Bene: With regard to the website, toss up a simple layout that has a few sentences about your zine, contact/subscription information, and even a few ‘articles’ or back issues (you can find articles by just searching random sites online and plucking particularly well-written pieces that suit your theme). 

Also, change the actual URL of the zine with each month that you do the review scam, whilst saying something along the lines of ‘unfortunately we couldn’t garner enough interest in the zine, and it has thus regretfully reached its premature ending’ on the old site. Then just update all of the dates on the new page. This is so that if one of your old hits decides to check up on the progress of your magazine, you’ll have an explanation ready (‘it shut down’), and won’t have to keep updating the old site every month or so with new content. Thus, if you send the link to a bunch of targets in August, with the link myweakasszine.com/myzine , that says something alone the lines of ‘Issue 1, Volume 1, August 2007’, when you try the same scam on a different target in October, the link you send should now be slightly different (e.g., myweakasszine.com/zine) and the date updated to ‘Issue 1, Volume 1, October 2007,’ all while the old URL now has the aforementioned defunct notice appended to it. On the other hand, you could just keep spitting out new issues and then keep the same URL... Again, I’m belabouring this step because it is necessary to avoid problems should an old hit browse the old site, and notice that the same mix of articles is now labeled as October instead of August, etc…

Free Admittance to Events
To gain free admittance into some event or location, you’ll generally need to contact the press/media relations personnel, and find out their specific protocols. These tend to vary from event to event (for instance, you’ll likely need a ‘press accreditation form’/‘letter of assignment’ if you’re crashing a film festival, or a ‘media registration form’ if it’s a music festival or whatnot). At any rate, browse the website of the specific event/locale you want to attend for free and find the pertinent info required for press admittance. If you can’t find the info listed online, give them a call or drop ‘em an email requesting the fine point details. Once you find out the exact requirements, start working on meeting them (i.e., if a copy of one of ‘your’ articles is requested, clip one out from a random—albeit not too popular!—paper/zine, and make your ‘credentials’ match the byline of the article). 

Remember that any requirements they throw at you can be forged/duplicated/manufactured with relative ease, and that the worst that’ll happen (unless you manage to royally fuck something up hardcore along the way) is you’ll get a response telling you to fuck off, in which case you’ll suck it up and pick a different event to try your luck at. 

If you want some additional clarification, a couple of case examples of the reviewer admittance scam can be found in Classic Compilation #2 – Free Movies (http://forum.rorta.net/showthread.php?t=784) and in ‘Gaining Free Admittance to Theme Parks’ (http://www.rorta.net/index.php?page=freethemeparkadd). 

Overall, the principle is the same for all reviewer scams: pick an item/location, learn the requirements needed to procure it for free in the name of the press, and then do your best to meet them all. Throughout the entire endeavor, keep up the mindset that you really are a reporter just out doing your job; if anyone’s the scammer, it’s the company that’s making you jump through all the flaming hoops to get your free shit. Don’t be too quick to dismiss the psych factors; if you’re not convinced that you are who you say you are, how the fuck do you expect to convince anyone else? And, sure, you probably won’t be getting screeners of blockbuster flicks any time soon, but the scam is good for the occasional freebie or two…or three…:)

More knowledge at www.rorta.net and www.dizzy.ws. Comments/flames to: xcon0 a/|t\ yahoo \do\/t c|o\\m. Or, for phone sex, dial 1-610-887-6072. 