Hall of Lamers
By McLoser
mcloser@hobbiton.org

  Lamers are everywhere. They are all around us.
Eventually you'll run into one. It's as inevitable as you whacking
off after seeing graphic horse porn.

  That's where i come in. You see, I'm John Lame, 
Operator of The Hall of Lamers. What is this Hall of 
Lamers you ask. Well you might say it's a prison for the lame. I begin
to travel down one of the many corridors. 
As i walk down the endless corridor, cells to either side of me,
I stop and peer in at a single cell to the left of me. 
As i peer in, my eyes come accross a rambling bumbling sight. 
This odd and twisted creature is deformed 
beyond reason. The features are indescribable, 
except for the red hat this creature wears, 
which has an "M" emblem upon it. I stammer at it's disgusting attractiveness. 
I lift my hand up and tap the gate, the creatures head 
pirks upward as it "Laughs Out Out Loud". I can 
only ponder what this sad creature means. 
There are many other creatures like this, 
we call these beings lamers.


  I walk further down further, thinking about the utter lameocity 
of this place. I now turn a corner and wander down a special path in 
the keep. They call this place CyberSexual. To the right and to the left i 
glance over ungodly and lametastical acts. Such acts consist of, 
"SCUKNG UR DICK, suckng your fuck, orgasiming, STACKNG TROSURS, ". 
I also hear the annoying and demon-like sounds. 
The endless moans and groans, and
 "I HAVE AN EIGEHTEN ENCHER"'s echo in my head. 
Everyone one of these morbid lamers going "OHHH OHHHH OHHH!!". 
It's enough to make one vomit.


  A buzz can be heard from the intercom system. 
This is followed by an annoying voice "new arrival at the entry room". 
That was my signal to go bring in the new arrival. 
I travel a while, 'till i reach a door marked "Suck Ur Fuck". I enter. 
The shadowy room most resembles a police intterogation room. 
A wooden table in the middle of the room, with two chairs on either side of it. 
Sitting on the chair farthest from me is a horrid sight indeed. 
An overwieght "male?" lamer, with a t-shirt reading "I Am LOOL!?!?!", 
and a pair of shredded panties. I take a seat accross from him, 
and read from his file that was set here for me.

"It says here you're accused of lamer-speach."

"WHT R U TALKING ABOUT PLEEZ I DINT DU ANYTHONG 
PLLEZ DONT SNED ME TU DA CELLSZ" 

"Would you please stop yelling."

"I AM NUT YEWLNG"

"Your name's BIG14U, right?"

"YES I AM BIG14U"

"Where did you get a name like that?"

"I GOT MY NAM FROM MY BIG ONE!!!!!!!"

"Sir, this lamertized gloating merely indicates 
you further as a lamer."

"I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"WHUT R UR QUEOSTINTIONS?????!!!!"

"What is your definition of lamer?"

"LAMER IS A PISSION HU IS LAME LKE U!?!?!? HAHAHA!??!"

"What is your purpose?"

"I AM HEAR 2 FCK HOT WET GURLS HU WANT 2
 HAVE MY CUK IN TER MUTHO!?!?!"

"In there Mother?"

"NO IN TEHRW MOUF!?!?! U IDUT!!!1111"

"Do you consider yourself a lamer?"

"NO AND UF U EVR TRY 2 FCK WIT ME ILL BE SAY UR GNG 
TO BE SORRY U FUCK ME LAMER!!!111"

"Yeah.....well you have been found a lamer, and are here-
by sentenced to spend an eternity in the hall, with your own kind."

"U WILL BE SORY U FCKHEAD"

  I leave as two fat men with wife beater shirts and bad hair 
  cuts take BIG14U away.

  Yes my friends, this is just the kind of trash i deal with every day, 
for the purpose of the Hall is to make sure these lamers 
stay locked away in the darkness, and fed on a diet of blood and 
urine extract. So if you're a lamer, beware. One day you may find 
yourself here, in this Hall, being locked away with psycho-babblers, 
horny pedophiles, people whose goal it is to be the opposite sex, 
and little kids participating in naughty acts.

