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                    How to impress chicks in a chatroom
                                  ver. 1.0

                         by Burnin' of UNKNOWN Prez
                              November 26, 2000
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  Introduction
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 First of all let me make something clear: this textfile is actually not
 about how to impress chicks. The name should actually be 'How much fun
 chatrooms can be', but in my mind such a label associates a little bit
 with anarchy texts. And there's one other reason I chose such a name:
 I want that those whom this file is addressed to would take a look at it.
 And who might that be? People who generally are classified as geeks or
 nerds. You know the prototype: huge thick classes, pale, sits in his corner
 and has only school/computers in his mind. I know that only a couple of guys
 in the world actually correspond to this picture and most of the so called
 'nerds' are actually really nice people and quite cool (in their own way).
 Usually the only reason they are labeled geeks is because they are really
 shy and/or have big problems with communicating with other people. But
 there is a universe which is just perfect for people with such problems:
 the chatrooms on the iNet.


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  A chatroom?
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 Yes, a chatroom. No matter if we're talking about an IRC channel, Telnet
 talker or Java chatroom, it has several advantages over the 'real chat':
 a) nobody can see you, thus you don't have to worry about your physical
 condition; b) you won't have to be embarrassed till the end of your life
 because you said (or confessed) something stupid, you can just use another
 nickname and/or move to another talker; c) as this is virtual reality
 then you can be who ever you want to be, if you for example admire Arnold
 Schwarzennegger then there's no reason why you can't use that name and
 describe yourself as a tall muscled austrian (but don't forget that this
 is just a joke and nobody will believe that you're REALLY Arnie); d) the
 whole thing doesn't cost more than the phone bill so there's no need to
 worry that after spending a fortune the girl says: "And now buzz off, you
 freak!"; e) you aren't forced to anything during or after the chat, for an
 example you don't have to be polite to the person next day nor talk to her
 if you don't want to; f) most people take the whole thing as a joke, so if
 you have a strange/weird/different personality/manners (or pretend to have)
 then it usually ain't such a bad thing (unlike in real life); g) the chances
 to meet THAT someone who has the same interests and in other aspects is just
 right for you are much higher than IRL; h) you probably are intelligent and
 now you are in a place where almost everything comes down to your brain,
 whether or not the chat partner thinks your cool is up to you, not your
 looks, fortune or authority (because you can make up these things). But, as
 by everything, there are a couple negative things: a) the 'you can be
 everyone you want to be' applies also to the other chatters so be critical
 if the girl happens to says that she's got a good chance to win the Miss
 World title; b) you've just really impressed somebody, but that is still in
 cyberspace and that's a looooong way from a real life relationship; c) people
 are usually more interesting in chatrooms then they are IRL. Simply said:
 most people are dissapointed when they come back from the date with the
 babe they met on Net.


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  OK, but ME!?!? In a chatroom!?!?
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 Yes you, dear reader. Actually you should ask: "Why not?" There's absolutely
 NOTHING to loose. Only to win. As indicated by the 'advantages' in previous
 chapter, the virtual chat is like the perfect real life chat you always
 wanted (and never had). So why shouldn't you have it now?


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  Hints or how to enjoy being in a chatroom
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 So, you've taken together your courage and entered a chatroom. Here are
 a couple of hints how to make the best of it.

 - choose a short and clear, non-overbloated nickname. Why short? Simply
   because you can't be sure that nobody uses ancient (or poorly coded)
   software/shell which doesn't allow to open up a 'private chat' window
   by clicking on someone's name but forces the use of '/msg person text'
   or similar constructs. Do you think someone will actually go through
   the trouble when you have a name like The_Coolest_Dude_On_This_Side_Of_
   The_Galaxy ? About overbloated: there's a great chance that nobody takes
   you seriously (enough) when you are called SuperLover or TheGuyWhoWill-
   SatisfieEveryWoman. And one other thing: don't pick offensive names like
   NirvanaIsShit or NiggaKilla.
 - when possible then choose among following chatrooms: chatrooms (the
   topic/chanre doesn't matter) with lots of users (who are currently
   logged in), chatrooms (the amount of users doesn't matter but there
   should be at least someone talking and not just logged in) with a topic
   you know (or at least have heard of). The first kind of talkers are good
   because there are all kind of people and usually no one cares what the
   name of the talker says or what's the current topic, everyone's dealing
   with his/her own stuff (which usually ends in everybody chatting with
   several users with the purpose to get to know new people). Usually a lot
   of people go in and out so nobody will treat you as an outsider. The
   second type of chatrooms is good if you want to find people who share
   your interests. As on this kind of boards most users usually talk about
   the topic (that is in public chat, the private stuff is another story)
   then there's probably not so much traffic, so people will actually notice
   that someone new has entered. It's also good to begin a private conversation
   with something you both know about.
 - if you get thrown out of a channel (or IRC for example) then don't freak
   out because of it. Sooner or later it happens to everyone. Just in future
   try to avoid the mistake you did this time.
 - unless you are up to a banning don't mess with channel operators. They
   might be (and often are) assholes, but what do you get when you too are
   banned?
 - TAKE THIS THING WITH HUMOR!!! Don't go to a chatroom to find the woman of
   your dreams, go to chatroom to have some phun! Don't become one of those
   pathetic chatters who say nothing more than: "Does somebody want to have
   a private chat with me?!?! Anybody?!?!" Actually, don't ask anyone if she
   wants to have a private conversation. Let them ask you. "But how will they
   notice that I'm there?" you might ask now. Take part in PUBLIC conversation.
   Often there is actually no conversation, just some people have their chat
   non-private. You can act as a third party. Or you can react on a statement
   someone did. Doesn't matter if it came inside a conversation or just so
   from nowhere. For example: person 1 asks person 2 what kind or music does
   she like. "Pop. N'Sync is my favorite," says person 2. Why not say
   now: "N'Sync?!?! They're crap". Now there're two possibilities: person 2
   (or 1 or both) ignores you, or, possibility number two: person 2 replies:
   "They're not crap!!! (you are!)". So you have a little fight. If you bring
   good arguments (and not insulting statements like: "Yes they are, they are
   bulls***! And everyone who likes them is also buls***!") why you feel this
   way about the band the girl might agree with you (although this is very
   unlikely). Or she might find that you're actually pretty OK (despite your
   lack of music taste  :) and asks if you want to move to private chat (that's
   an exact image of what happened to me, just the band and music chanre were
   different). Of course, if the girl is a fanatic fan and reasons why she
   loves them come like from a machine gun then be ready to declare that "well
   yeah, maybe they aren't as bad as I thought".
 - be funny. I don't mean that you should output one joke after another, but
   don't be afraid to use a lot of smileys (you know those :) 's). They
   have one other purpose: most statements (might they be insulting or insane)
   can be turned into a humorous sentence through the use of a smiley.
 - don't be insulting nor swear all the time. An occasional 'f***ing' can be
   quite successful, but don't overdo it. That also applies to 'ghetto'
   or 'scene' talk like 'watcha' or '3l33t'.
 - as said before, you're main coal should be having fun. If nobody wants
   to have a private chat with you then don't get sad but take part in public
   conversation. Act. Play an idiot or an arrogant macho. When people discover
   that you're actually not like this then they will be (pleasantly) surprised
   and you can have a laugh. You should be like most of my friends who visit
   chatrooms: they type and giggle.


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  Conclusion
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 A talker won't replace the real life experience. But it's a good place
 to smoothly and without devastating downfalls practice and enhance your
 skills in communication. As the saying goes: "Only through practice can one
 become a master"

