                    "What the fuck happened to the Internet?"

                               A rant, by Tokachu

                                  June 12, 2004

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Introduction
2. Text Files
   a) High School Angst
   b) Script kiddie-isms
3. Web Pages
4. Instant Messaging
5. Piracy
6. Conclusion

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1. Introduction

    In all honesty, I thought the Internet would be better -- MUCH better 
-- than it has become nowadays. Oh, I can see you saying to yourself, high 
speed broadband, file sharing, etc., etc., it's great. I'm sorry. I 
must've mistaken the Internet for a strip mall.

    You don't believe me when I say that the Internet was better? Well, 
don't. Yes, the TECHNOLOGY has gotten better, faster, stronger, and so 
forth, but the people on it, and their intentions, cannot be described in 
words more complicated than a second-grade bully's vocabulary. "Retarded" 
is the word that comes to my mind (since "stupid" simply doesn't cut it).

    But you don't have to take my word. Just look at what I have to say...

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2. Text Files

    Recycling is good for the environment, but it doesn't cut it in the 
barely-surviving text-phile scene of the 21st century. Unfortunately most 
of the text files I see uploaded, apart from carbon copies downloaded from 
Textfiles.com, can be categorized under the following:

   a) High School Angst

          For the most part, life in high school in 2004 is no different
      than life in high school in 1984 (so I'll file all the "HS SUX"  
      files under "Carbon Copies" above). The only big difference that I
      can see is that nowadays high schools have very up-to-date computers
      and high-speed Internet access instead of modemless Apple ][e's
      (funny story: my junior high school finally ditched their Apple 
      ][e's in 2000, a year after I left). Of course with all this great
      new technology that the average person can use, there are limits and
      restrictions. Just like any other high school institution.

          I know of practically EVERY kind of restriction, protection, and 
      monitoring tool that high schools use. How? Because I've seen the 
      evolution. Originally, everything depended on the client computer 
      loading the file-protection software (and the BIOS was password-
      protected, so only the hard drive could be booted from). So of 
      course there are lots of text files documenting on how to "disable 
      the file protection" (CTRL-ALT-DEL if it's not disabled, or some 
      process killer if it is). Instructions on disabling or resetting any 
      BIOS protection usually involve opening the computer and removing 
      the battery -- only practical if you're dealing in stolen school 
      property.
      
          Today's protections depend on some sort of disk-imaging program
      that resets the contents of the hard drive, no matter what kind of
      changes you thought you made. A warm reboot takes care of that, and 
      the computer will probably have some sort of service on it that
      allows it to be rebooted remotely from the high school system
      administrator's office. Along with that service, there is probably a
      "remote view" program that lets the administrator see exactly what 
      you see on the screen (similar to RealVNC). Couple that with a very 
      attentive administrator looking at a network traffic analyzer, and 
      you'll see that your text files will only get you in deep shit, and 
      nowhere else. Take my advice and just wait 'til you get home.

    b) Script Kiddie-isms

          All I can say is "wow" when I see one of these loads of human 
      feces converted to text format. For the most part, the header 
      consists of some gaudy program-generated ASCII art, and the footer 
      the "greetz". I always suspected the rappers at Cash Money Records 
      had about as much (well, as little) intelligence as script kiddies, 
      but I never suspected they were one in the same!

          You can tell if a text file falls under this category by looking 
      at the title. If it contains any of these words:

        * AIM/AOL
        * Buffer Overflow
        * Cracking (must be accompanied with "passwords")
        * DoS (not to be confused with DOS)
        * "Free Cellular Phone Calls Without Cloning"
        * Hacking (must be accompanied with "Windows")
        * Hotmail/Yahoo! (usually includes "hacking" or "cracking")
        * Trojan
        * Proxy
        * Virus
        * Windows

      ...it's probably a script kiddie talking. Just close the text file, 
      and pretend you never saw it. Your brain cells will thank you.

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3. Web Pages

    Yeah, I know. Faster Internet nowadays. But that doesn't give you or 
anyone else on this planet an excuse to fill their site up with 800 KB of 
Flash animations, Java menus, and the obligatory "right-click protect" 
JavaScript snippet. Oh, and shove in the HTML code that only renders at 
all in Internet Explorer 6 (and has some self-centered "IE pwns j00" 
message for anyone not sending money to Redmond). Yep, that's the World 
Wide Web of THE FUTURE!! ("NOT!!" -- Wayne Garth)

    Hey, I've got an idea: SLIM DOWN YOUR WEB SITES! Learn to consider 
other people than yourself when designing it. Don't try to duplicate 
interfaces from the movie "Hackers". Don't insert Java applets on the 
front page. Don't put in Flash animations on the first page, either. A 100 
Mbps connection downloading a 1 MB page is no faster than a 28.8k modem 
downloading a 40K web site.

    And speaking of web browsers, since when did it become common practice 
for businesses to write computer viruses? Oh, you know who you are. The 
people who force me to be barraged with "messages" from people on my buddy 
list telling me to "DOWNLOAD THIS COMPUTER PROGRAM IT IS GOOD!!". What, 
you think people aren't willing to track you down? This goes for all the 
assholes who jam up MY business with people calling me, asking to "clean 
their computer" of your programs (programs that a skilled pirate and crack 
team would have difficulty removing).

4. Instant Messaging

    Do you remember a time where people would close their IM software when 
they didn't want to be contacted? I do.

    Do you remember a time where people's profiles and message text were 
vanilla black-on-white text? I do.

    Do you remember a time where people would put the word "away" in their 
away message? I do.

    So, let's bring these great memories back, okay?

5. Piracy

    Like marijuana, piracy on the Internet is the cool thing that all the 
kids are doing. And like marijuana, there are lots of people who Bogart 
stuff, and few who provide back to the community. I blame the parents.

    People on the Internet have been expecting something for nothing for a
very long time. Free Web space flowed like water not too long ago, and
thanks to horrific abuses (mostly from the warez community), it died. Now
setting up a web site with a free provider is like playing Russian
Roulette with your HTML. Nowadays you've got to PAY for good web hosting 
(it isn't that expensive: at most $100 a year for domain and ample space 
and transfers), but people still expect to get everything they want for 
free.

    So, what better way to get free stuff than with file sharing? After 
all, why go through the trouble of searching through FTP networks, meeting 
quotas (where you had to GIVE in order to RECEIVE), and gaining a 
reputation on IRC channels? Fuck that! Gimme gimme gimme! Is it no wonder 
that video pirates are finding more and more annoying ways to watermark 
their releases? (Watermarking is still very annoying. I avoid it, and so 
should you.) Unfortunately it's gotten SO out of hand that corporations 
have actually decided to become very active in the investigations. And, 
no, buying that copy of KaZaA doesn't give you any legal backing. Sharman 
Networks and the thugs that run it are nowhere past the lameness level of 
script kiddies.

    It's estimated that 75% of traffic on the Internet is the transfer of 
pirated materials, with another 10% being port scans, DoS attacks, and the 
like. With only 15% of the bandwidth left, there isn't too much room for 
INTELLIGENCE.

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6. Conclusion

    There's no conclusion here. Just don't become the assholes that I've 
described. Because if you do, you'll find yourself to be very unpopular in 
both the digital and the real world.
