
              THIS YOLK IS ISSUE FIFTY SIX AND IS WRITTEN BY JUKE.
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 |       \ __________________________________________________________ /       |
 |                                                                            |
 |                          in this issue: DEAD CATS                          |
 |                                                                            |
 \/--------------------------------------------------------------------------\/

 --(dead cats)-----------------------------------------------------------------
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Animal cruelty causes ban_ - Friday, March 29, 1996 - The Weekend Vidette p19

   EAST BERNARD, Texas (AP) - Four high school baseball players charged with
beating a cat to death were kicked off their team.

   East Berbard Independent School District Superintendent Nancy McNeal decided
to ban the youths after they were arrested on animal cruelty charges Wednesday.

   "Based on the serious nature of this offens, the four who were involved in
the killing of the cat will be removed frmo the baseball team for the remainder
of this season," McNeal said.

   The teenagers signed statements admitting they killed the tabby on March 16.

   Ryan Walter, Britt Sensat, and Danny Crane, all 17, and a 16 year old
juvenile were charged with the Class A misdemeanor and released on personal
recognizance bonds. If convicted, they would face up to a year in jail and a
$4,000 fine.

   The cat, known as Tiger, was an adopted pet of sorts at Koym Field, the park
used by the East Bernard High School team.

   Three of the athletes told authorities they putthe cat in a bag AND PUMMELED
IT WITH BASEBALL BATS. The fourth player said he ran over the cat WITH A PICKUP
TRUCK.

   Three other players who were present but did not participate in the beating
will be allowed to remain on the team. They face no criminal charges.

   Police said the players gave no reason for the killing other than they were
tired of THE CAT DEFECATING ON THE BASEBALL FIELD.

 -(dEAD cAT: The Play)---------------------------------------------------------
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Characters:

"Cat"
Ryan
Britt
Danny
Anonymous Kid Number 1
The Three Players

Setting: Baseball field, near a corn field.

--
Act 1.

(Curtain rises, 7 young men stand outside a 7-eleven.)

Ryan: Hey guys, that cat is really getting on my nerves.

Britt: Whadaya say we beat it with a baseball bat and run it over Britt's big
       ole 4x4 monster truck while we drink lots of beer and have lots of sex.

Danny: ONLY IF I GET BEER. WHADAYA SAY ANONYMOUS KID NUMBER ONE?!

Anonymous Kid Number 1: Doesn't matter to me Danny, cause I'm young and
                        impressionable and can't make decisions for
                        myself since I'm only 16!

--
Act 2.

(Curtain rises. The young men have now traveled to the baseball field where
"the cat" is.)

Ryan: huh huh huh look, there's the cat. Britt get the bat!

Britt: Sure thing Ryan. BUT I GOTZ TA DRINK MY BEER FIRST.

Ryan: Wait, you're right. What was I thinking?

Britt: Here Anonymous Kid Number One, have a beer dispite the fact that your
       body isn't physically capable have handling as much beer as we drink in
       an hour.

Anonymous Kid Number 1: Thanks!

Britt: Okay, now that I have fulfilled the official hick-quota for drinking
       beer, we can kill the cat. WAIT. WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET.

Danny: You're RIGHT! BRING ON THE WOMEN.

Woman Who's Not In The Character List Since I'm Making This Up As I Go Number
One: Hi! I have no self-esteem and need you to have your way with me to feel
     good. Have fun!

<moan> <moan> <moan>

Britt: Look! The cat!

<screech>

Danny: There goes Britt in his 4x4 monster truck.

<smack> <HISSS ARRWQAT> <--- (cat dying).

Ryan: huh huh huh that had to hurt.

Danny: Yup, I bet it shore did.

(curtain falls)

 -(juke speaks)----------------------------------------------------------------

      PLUG: Chemical Chocolate Four WILL be out soon.
      E-MAIL otwilli@acadcomp.cmp.ilstu.edu to be put on the mailing list.
     (the mailing list is the best way to get it. i don't have a lot of time
      time to spend on irc anymore.)

 -(index)----------------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
tal meta is one smooth brotha.

email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me.  yep.
