[BOF]
 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

                                         _______
             $Y"""""""""""""""Y$Y""""""""       $Y"""""""""""""""Ys
             $`      $        `$'       $       $'      $        `$
             $       $         "        $       $       $         $
             $       $         a        $       $       $         $
             $       $         $        $       $       $         $
             $                ;$        $       "                ;$
             $       $@#%ss%#$$$        "       a       $@#%ss%#$$$
             `7#%seee$$$$$$$$$$$$#%seeeeeeeeeeee$$#%seee$$$$$tMM$P'

                            Prohibited Data Processing


 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+



                .@$""""""""""""ýS$$$$$""""$""""""""""""ýS$@.
                $$$ $$$$$P"""Y@s.`$$$$    $ $$$$$P"""Y@s.`$$
                $$$ $$$$$     $$$,`$$$    $ $$$$$     $$$,`$
                $$$ $$$$$     $$$$ $$$    $ $$$$$     $$$$ $
                $$$ $$$$$sssss$$$$  .n    $ $$$$$ssssS$$$$ $
                $$$ $$$$S sssss     $$    $ $$$$S sssssssss$
                $$$ $$$$$ $$$$$     $$    $ $$$$$ $$$$$P""Q$
                $$$ $$$$$ $$$$$L    $$    $ $$$$$ $$$$$ 02 $
                $$$ $$$$$ $$$$$$L.        $ $$$$$ $$$$$b,,d$
                Q$$sssssss$$$$$S$$$$$$$$$$$sssssss$$$$$$$$K9


 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+


                               MEMBERS OF THE PDP
    
 Switch Tech Mitch          ...  "Gang bang me, Gaurdian."
 TELEPHONE JOAN             ...  "You can take a Kode to water, but you can't
                                  make it drink."
 PBXReX                     ...  "Oh God, I'm glad that's not our trunk 
                                  they're hacking."
 Motorola Coca-cola         ...  "DOWN WITH THE MAN!"
 rEdbOxrOb                  ...  "Operator, no, operator, no ma'am, no,
                                  listen ma'am, I wasn't trying anything
                                  funny."
 ANI Lord                   ...  "call my vmb."
 Anonymous Ansi Coord       ...  "I'm quitting ACiD!"
 p1c0-b00                   ...  "U R M/F?????  MSG ME!!!!!!!!!"
 26oo SKaNK BLoW0FF         ...  "Hackin' Chicks in '96, Kid."
 c0d3 blU3                  ...  "The weasels are wonderful tonight."
 sKILLBILLY                 ...  "I just haqed *CHICAG0*, D0oD!"
 Beigebox Pornoline Victim  ...  "y0y0y0!  pDp iz da shizzgnaghtzz!#"

                                dork: Lish
                              peon: Mephisto

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+


  OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT
  GHTTHEPOWE                                                    RFIGHTTHEP
  THEPOWERFI                  TABLE OF CONTENTS                 GHTTHEPOWE
  POWERFIGHT                                                    THEPOWERFI
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE


    PDP headers...............................anonymous ansi coordinator
    tawktawktawktawktawk.................................PDP productions
    iNTRo To iSSue 02.....................................TELEPHONE JOAN
    social engineering animals......................Motorola Coke-a-Cola
    tElc0 hEllc0.......................................Switch Tech Mitch
    stolen telephone books.....................beigebox pornoline victim
    how to hack a friend.......................................c0d3 blU3
    MSG FRUM DA LEGI0N 0V DEWM..................................p1c0-b00
    K0D1N6 B4TCH F1L3 TR0J4N5.................................sKILLBILLY *
    as i think of you....................................girlieseventeen
    THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS.....................................c0d3 blU3
    ToP 10 WaYz 2 GeT a StR8 d00d To d0 Da Naz-T WiT CHU!..........erikb **
    ANARCHY ON IRC........................................TELEPHONE JOAN
    eXTRo To iSSue 02..........................beigebox pornoline victim

        * == x-tra h0t gnu info!!
       ** == guest writer!#

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP                       THEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE   iNTRo To iSSue 2    POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI    TELEPHONE JOAN     ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP
  HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT                       IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE
  OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT


        hello, kids!

        it's me-me-me, the assistant editor of the wonderous PDP!  this issue
 mitch was going to score & decided that it would be ok for me to do the 
 intro & extro for this glorious issue.  that's right - it's a brand new 
 week and a brand new PDP!  we have been getting so much positive 
 feedback over our first "pack" that we have been pressing ourselves 
 extremely hard to the challenge of issue two.

        since the first issue we have allied with various other people in
 "THE SCENE!!!" to create a strike force of doom.  but more importantly, we
 are here to spread the FREEDOM OF INFORMATION!

        FUCK ALL NARCS!  FUCK YOU AT&T!  FUCK YOU RBCP! (HeHeHeHe!)

        we here at PDP would firmly like to thank the members of #2600 for
 ban/kicking all the members of PDP.  we don't need ur lame channel
 ne-wayz.

        next issue of PDP we will have a collection of the feedback we have
 gotten on our releases thus far.  *this is your chance to appear in PDP!*
 send it all to jwilkinson@mail.utexas.edu, he owes us warez.

        you've got all my love!!!!!  keep spreading the info!!!!!!

                                                           LA LA L8R
                                                         TELEPHONE JOAN
                                                     PDP in '96, muthafucka

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+


 ___________________________________________________________________________
 |PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!|
 |<!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@>|
 |2-MUCH-2-FEER!|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|2-MUCH-2-FEER!|
 |2-MUCH-2-l0VE!|      "social engineering animals!"         |2-MUCH-2-l0VE!|
 |2-MUCH-4-YOU!#|       -*- the survival series -*-          |2-MUCH-4-YOU!#|
 |2-GOOD-4-YOU!#|        by - Motorola Coke-a-Cola           |2-GOOD-4-YOU!#|
 |I-LUV-THE-PDP!|____________________________________________|I-LUV-THE-PDP!|
 |<!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@>|
 |PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!-PDP!|
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        this t-file is the first in my series of articles in self survival.
 that's right, FUCK THE MAN.  in order to understand this t-file you're going
 to have to understand the theory behind survivalists.  you see, THE MAN
 makes you think that the only way to live is in HIS world with HIS rules.

        government?  supermarkets?  farmers?  at&t?  taco bell?  toilets?
 fashion magazines?  rudyard kipling?

        those are HIS institutions.  FUCK THAT.

        the survival series is about YOU taking on the WORLD & saying "FUCK
 YOU, WORLD!  FUCK YOU, RBCP!"

        in our first installment, we will be discussing various ways in which
 you can get around on the planet earth (without the use of modern day
 devils!) by only communicating with our friends the animals.

        to do this, we're going to have to become aware that animals have
 various inherent qualities that are worth of exploiting.

        when you're social engineering animals, the usual things to attempt
 to get are various forms of information, in addition to probing for various
 services that the animal may be able to provide for you, whether this means
 pulling a cart, or you clubbing it over the head & making a rug.

        the technique to approaching animals you want to socially engineer is
 simple.  talk to them.  try to make them think that you're their friend.
 give them a false sense of respect.  often it might be necessary to
 pretend to be someone your not - for example, a farmer.

        today we're only going to look at the social engineering of three
 animals, as there are quite a few in the world to go through.  we will cover
 the pig, the puppy, & the cat.

 HACKING PIGS:

    _____       oink. 
 6/     ^..^  /
  \_____(oo)   <- this is what a pig looks like.  you can find various pigs
   WW  WW         in emmanuel's basement, tided down, with the rear legs
                  strangely spread wide.  emmanuel is a very good pig hacker.

        (approach the pig slowly)
 
 you - hello, pig.  how are you doing today?
 pig - OINK@#!$~*!$  oink oink oink#$*!$*!$
 you - well, that's certainly interesting!  i am farmer joe's assistant & i
       am here to feed you today.
 pig - oink?
 you - yes, that's right.  (proceed to feed the pig)
 pig - oooooooooooink.... oHhhoInK!#!
 you - pig, you wouldn't happen to know colleen's visa number, would you?
 pig - oink 2223-4552-34242-3434
 you - thanks!
 
        (see how easy that was?)

 HACKING PUPPIES:

  .-----.
  v0   0v          <- this is what a puppy looks like.  you can also find the
   /\x/\  - w00f.     puppy in emmanuel's basement, although often he is set
  | ||| |             free, near various organs dipped in dog food.  erikb
  | ||| |             taught emmanuel everything he knows about pup hacking.
  '~^^^~`

        (approach the puppy with an outstretched hand & i friendly smile)
 
 dog - BOW WOW WOW w0oF wOoF ARf!@%!!%!
 you - hello, doggy!
 dog - rUfF#!!#  bark%!$*!!$  w00f#$(!*$
 you - don't be afraid!
 dog - grRrRRRrRrrrRrRrRR!(!%**$  w00F!@#!@##  *CH0MP!#*
 you - ahHHH!@HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 <running>
 dog - rF#$!(  ARF!@#!#*!  <chasing>
 you - STOP!  PLEASE!  I MEAN YOU NO HARM!
 dog - <foaming at the mouth> w00f#$!#  w00f!#!#%!  rdist can be  
       overflowed#!@#$!  arf!#!#
 you - <writing down> thanks!@

        (dogs are much more tricky than pigs!)

 HACKING CATS:
                    
   _   /|            <- many cats can be found around g0ff & lb.
   \'o.O'  - MEoW.      they are catophiles, you know.
   =(___)=              really!  no joke!#
      U

        (approach the cat with some string)

 you - hello, cat.
 cat - FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FUCK YOU ALEX!!!!!!!
 you - meow?
 cat - GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 you - meow meow.  <dangle string>
 cat - YOU ARE A LAMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 you - meow!@  <pet cat's head>
 cat - the password to #k-rad is to type /msg k-k00lb0t !nvyt3 #k-rad

        excellent work.  as you can see, social engineering animals takes
 patience & common sense.  you can make it work for you!!

        l8r sk8r!

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWER                      OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG -> t3LC0 - h3LLC0 <- RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT by switch tech mitch GHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP                      THEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO

        I punched myself in a little after 12AM.  As usual, Phil was already
 inside.  I told the security guards it was going to be a short night, which
 is insider slang for an evening of numerous snack runs.

        Phil was in the Inner Sanctum sleeping on some employee data shreds
 he was supposed to take out next week.  Something I've never understood
 about Phil is how he can sleep next to those whirring DNRs.  I kicked Phil
 in the stomach with my tennis shoes.  He muttered and got up.

        Ameritech is always sending us these dumb memos about how we don't
 take our job seriously.  We skipped those and discovered there were no
 interesting memorandums for the night.  We opened up a bag of Cheetos and
 started clacking at our monochrome terminals.

        Telephone phreaks are always asking me what kind of switch I work at.
 To be honest, I don't know.  It's either a DMS-100 or a 1A though, because
 we have those manuals strewn around, but be damned if I know.

        Like I said it was going to be a short night, and it was.  We
 finished giving our friends call waiting and started making coffee.  Neither
 Phil nor I are coffee drinkers, so we poured it all out onto the faxes (we
 save the grounds for the memos).

        Ah, there was nothing left to do.  Phil went back to sleep on the
 employee records in the back.  I went out to have a conversation with
 Corporate Security, but they were all asleep.

        I had been smoking cigarettes for about an hour when this van pulled
 up.  A few guys got out, and some giggling girl.  They proceeded to remove
 trash from our dumpster, oblivious to my presence.

        "Oh, it's them," I said, instinctively reaching for the Cheetos, "Hey
 guys, what's up!"

        They made motions to me to quiet down, point towards Corporate
 Security.

        "Aw, fuck that bros, they wouldn't wake up to a structure hit." 

        "Actually, Mitch, that's why we're here." 

        They came over towards the light and I could get a good look at all
 of them.  Why, they were my PDP brothers and sisters!  There was TELEPHONE
 JOAN at the end, rEdbOxrOb in the middle, and of course 26oo SKaNK BLoW0FF
 on the end.

        It would appear that today was 2SBO's initiation.  They had had him
 carefully construct one of those trademarked PDP rockets loaded with PDP
 Secret Sauce and ammonium nitrate.  I marvelled for a little bit and then
 helped them finish with the trash.

        Apparently they were going to do my CO, but I talked them down.
 "Yeah," RBR said, "Why not just do the one on Washington?"

        "Hee hee!" concurred TELEPHONE JOAN.

        And with that, my brothers were off to parts unknown, gone before I
 could say, "PDP Secret Sauce is volatile, no potholes!" but I yelled it
 anyway.  I was happy to have saved Phil's life, despite where he sleeps.
 With that, I sighed, finished off my Cheetos, and jumped in one of the
 Ameritech Little Cars, making a halted motion to my belt's keyring and then
 opening the glove compartment.  Grabbing the keys, I sighed with
 contentment.

                                                           stm, editor.
                                                            PDP in '96.

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  HEPOWERFIGHT                                                WERFIGHTTHEP
  IGHTTHEPOWER          @@ stolen telephone books @@          TTHEPOWERFIG
  OWERFIGHTTHE       an anarchist's handbook accessory        OWERFIGHTTHE
  TTHEPOWERFIG          by beigebox pornoline victim          IGHTTHEPOWER
  WERFIGHTTHEP                                                HEPOWERFIGHT
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO
    
                    I see you on AOL through the window.
                    "Point, click, and die, bitch."
                    I see your mail
                    in  *da* street, yo, redboxes.
                    and i want to open it and read it
                    and read your phone bill,
                    mr. nice-house-guy-person.
                    and steal your telephone book, yeah, yoyoyo!
                    you incontinent uh .. son of a lamer-bitch.
                    and
                    ultra-call forward
                    your kid's bbs, on our all nite hookur konfs,
                    with lewp linez from here to way way over there. 
                    to japan, again.
                    and stuff.
                    yea, yea, yea, yea ..

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE                        WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI  HOW T0 H4CK 4 FR13ND  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE                        HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG                HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP  BY C0D3 BLU3  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE                GHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO

   [ "this article is a little overdone, but we here at pDp believe that
    we must bring to you the most complete info at all times." - TPJ. ]

        finally, the t-file that should have been written long ago.  yes, an
 easy-to-follow guide to hacking a friend.  one word of advice before i reveal 
 these steps:  use with caution when attempting to hack a friend who is smarter 
 than you.  he/she might already know how. 
 
 1.  there is a basic theory to hacking a friend.  be of a mindset throughout
     the experiment to bring your friend to your line of thinking; convince
     them that you know best.  keep in mind that your past words and known
     ideals will be factors in your ability to hack a friend.  generally, if 
     you have had moderate to good success at winning fights in the past, you
     will be more likely to do this.  as for those with worse records, do not
     despair - read on!

 2.  ponder the friend in question.  think about the objective you want to 
     reach.  do you want money?  do you just want more time spent doing what
     _you_ enjoy?  how likely are you to win them over?  the more you think
     about it, the more clear it should become.

 3.  when you approach your friend, be cheerful and agree with most of what 
     they say.  just sort of nod.  be noncommittal if you like.  the best way
     to hack a friend is gently.  and, for heaven's sake, don't make it
     obvious.  a hacked friend will not continue to remain hacked if they
     discover your ploy.  (if you're a stereotypical vampire-wanna-be goth
     teen, just growl, cut yourself, and talk about death a lot.)

 4.  it may pay in the end to spend a little money at the onset.  a little
     bit spread lightly on the surface can be leeched back in three- or
     fourfold.  make it a pack of cigarettes, or a soda at the convenience
     store.  don't waste your cash, though, on meals out. let them "pay you
     back" for them.  this is just the beginning of hacking a friend.

 5.  go to their house a lot.  even if its a mess or its just plain boring,
     it gives them less access to your stuff, and you more to theirs.  you
     can "borrow" cds and clothing.  you can "accidentally" find their
     smaller possessions in your pockets when you do the wash later that
     night.

 6.  blackmail will work in some cases.  make certain that they have less
     dirt on you than you have on them.  a good memory or an overhead
     conversation can mean cash, food, and/or a nice little slave of your
     very own.  if you can readily accomplish this, you're on your way, baby.

 7.  simple extortion.  are you bigger than them? do you own a larger, more
     powerful arsenal than they? if so, than invite them over on pay day, and
     show them your fine collection... fully loaded.  clubs and bats are okay
     if you have enough power to render them unconscious.  if they babble at
     all, hit them again.

 8.  become really good friends with their parents/sister/friend.  if you
     know someone they know, you can find out more about them, and stay
     closer to their wallets and their minds.

 9.  use a mind box.  **detailed description in the appendix**.  if you can
     get to their minds, you have it all.

 10. keep them talking. the longer they talk, the more hints you can pick up.
     you can tell a lot by their movements and their mannerisms.  the more
     you know about them, the closer you'll come to finding the cracks in
     their walls, so to speak.

 11. find out more about their favorite hobby, or their favorite music group.
     if you can show that you like what they like, they'll be more likely to
     identify with you, making them more vulnerable to hacking.

 12. put a virus in their computer, without their knowledge, and then fix it
     for them when they discover it.  you'll be the hero of the day. maybe
     they'll buy you something.  or, you could save it; you can always recall
     the favor later.

 13. kidnap their favorite pet or video game.  keep it hostage, and make them
     pay you ransom.  of course, a pet might find a higher ransom than a
     game, since you can't expect more than the half the price of the game,
     whereas love is priceless (aww shucks.. i'm blushing.)

 14. if they're competent, get them a job where you work.  you can tell them
     what to do _and_ steal their paycheck.  you'll have a power over them
     that you can't imagine.  if they drive, make them give you rides.

 15. under no circumstances should you branch off from the main directives
     for hacking a friend, unless you are a seasoned mind warrior.  this
     information in the hands of a novice could be extremely dangerous unless
     followed precisely.  

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 ** --[ appendix:  the mind box ]-- **

        materials needed:

        o  1 container, approx. between the size of a sucrets case and a
             cigarette pack.  metal, plastic, or cardboard will do.

        o  1 "lucky charm", be it the traditional rabbit foot, a skull
             ring, or a nice joint. 
        
        o  3 pennies.  the first symbolizes the money you put into
             the friendship.  the second symbolizes the money they've
             spent on you. the third symbolizes an immense amount that 
             you can squeeze from the victim (friend, that is).

        o  1 condom, if sex is indeed your objective.

        o  1 small piece of paper with a command written on it that you
             want your friend to follow.  for example, if you want money,
             write "i want all your cash".  fold the paper in half twice,
             in any direction.

        procedure:

        a.  pick up the container, and place the other materials inside.

        b.  close the container.  now you have a mind box.

        c.  keep on your person at all times when using the other 14 steps
            to hacking a friend.  the mind box works by gathering your energy
            together to be used for the purpose of hacking your friend.

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG                                   ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP     MSG FRUM DA LEGI0N 0V DEWM    THEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT             p1c0-b00              IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT
  HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE                                   EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE
  OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT

 pdp% write joan
 eye'm gunna go get me sum kiddiep0rn!!@@
 ^D
 pdp% ftp lod.com
 Connected to lod.com.
 220 lod FTP server (Version wu-2.4(6) Tue Jun 18 11:04:28 CDT 1996) ready.
 Name (lod.com:p1c0-b00): anonymous
 331 Guest login ok, send your complete e-mail address as password.
 Password:
 230 Guest login ok, access restrictions apply.
 230-                                                             \\////////
 230- =============================================================| OiNk |==
 230-  WELCUM NET-SURFUR TO LEGI0N 0V DEWM WORLD HEADQUARTERZ !@!! X      0
 230- ==============================================================\    /===
 230-  WE AT L.O.D. SAY A BIG "NO!" TO OLDWAREZ! KEEP IT 0-DAY !@!  (O  O)
 230-                                                                ~~~~\
 230-   K-KURRENT K-RAD K-MEMBER LIZT @#!
 230-    Marauder --- HAY DAT'Z ME @!#
 230-    Erik BlooDaXe --- HE WR1TEZ PHRACK !@#
 230-
 230-   IF U R INTERESTED IN J0INING OUR K00L GROOP DOWNL0AD LOD.APP FROM
 230-   THE G3NERAL CHAT F1LE BASES.
 230-
 230-   ALSO WE ARE LOOK1NG 4 NEW MEMBERZ Ph0R OUR UNCLES-AT-LARGE PR0GRAM.
 230-   BETTER GIVE US A KALL AB0UT THAT ONE.
 230-
 230-   CU LAYT0R D00DZ [:^)
 230-
 230 Guest login ok, access restrictions apply.
 Connection closed by foreign host.

        fuck.

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
      $$$$ PDP $$$$                                   $$$$ PDP $$$$
      $$$$ PDP $$$$     K0D1N6 B4TCH F1L3 TR0J4N5     $$$$ PDP $$$$
      $$$$ PDP $$$$                                   $$$$ PDP $$$$
      $$$$ PDP $$$$         By -> sKILLBILLY          $$$$ PDP $$$$
      $$$$ PDP $$$$                                   $$$$ PDP $$$$
      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


 HI .  MY FUK'N COMPOOTER BROKE SO I 
 NEED TO TYPE THIS SHITT ON MY DAD'S
 FUCKIGN TRS-80, FUCK YOU

 NE-WAY TODAY I AM GONNA TEACH YOU HOW
 TO CODE SOMETHING THAT COULD BE
 CONSIDRED A TROJAN USING ONE OF THE
 MOST POWERFUL AND UNDERRATED 
 LANGUAGES THAT EXIST------> THE
 BATCH(.BAT)FILES.

 FIRST STEP :::
                             
 YOU NEED TO KNOW SOME BASICS OF THE
 BATCH FILE LANGUAGE TO DO THE
 FOLLOWING.DO NOT DO THIS UNLESS YOU
 KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING.OK LAMER?~!!!
 LET;S BEGIN

 @ECHO OFF

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ YOU NEED TO DO 
 THIS COMMAND UNLESS YOU WANT THE 
 USER TO IGNORE WHAT IS GOING ON.U
 WOULDNT WANT THE GUY TO SEE THE 
 ACTUAL COMMANDS YOU USE TO BE HAQING
 HIS SYETEM, DONT YOU?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!
 !!!!!!! THAT ISWHAT THSI COMMAND IS
 FOR

 ECHO ONE MOMENT D0OD I AM FORMATTING
 YOUR HD!@!@

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS COMMAND IS VERY
 IMPORTANT BECAUZ YOU NEED TO TELL
 THE USER YOU ARE CURRENTLY WORKINH
 ON SOMETHING.OR ELSE THE GUY COULD
 THINK NOTHING HAPPENS & REBOOT HIS
 COMPUTER WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU DO
 NOT WANTTT!!!!!!!!

 ECHO Y>TEMP.$$$

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ DOOD THIS COMMAND IS
 COMPLICATED SO I WONT WASTE ANY TIME
 EXPLAINING IT

 FORMAT C:<TEMP.$$$

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS IS ALSO
 TOO TECHNICAL FOR YOU

 ECHO THIS PROGRAM (C)1996,
 sKILLBILLY   ALL RIGHT RESERVED

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ REAL HAQRS DONT
 CARE ABOUT COPYRIGHT YOU SAY?!?!
 WELL C0DERS DO!     THIS COMMAND
 PROTEXS YOUR WORK IN CASE SOMEONE
 WOULD H4X0R IT.IT IS IMPORTANT!@@@@@!

 SECOND STEP :::::::::                                        

 WELL, THERE IS NO 2ND STEP DOOD, 
 THIS IS A 1-ST3P PR0C3SS!

 WELL ITS ALL, GO SPREAD YOUR TROJANS
 AAND REMEMBER, PDP OWNZ YOU MORE
 THAN YOU THINK.....LAMER!!!

 PDP 95! ER 96!@@!@

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE                                IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW       AS I THINK OF YOU        TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF     BY -> GIRLIESEVENTEEN      EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH                                WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO

                                i'm confused
                                when am i not
                                so many changes
                                so much forgot

                at first we met
                had some fun
                the uncertainty began
                when the evening was done

                                no one had treated me
                                like you that night
                                no one had been upset
                                when i forgot good-bye

        but i didn't mean
        to seem that way
        i had only learned 
        that guys don't stay

                        please forgive me
                        if i'm shy
                        you are different
                        and i know why

                                no one cared
                                until you
                                i thought they had
                                but reality grew

                they were there
                their emotions not
                i was the one
                who always was caught

                                                left behind
                                                misunderstood
                                                trying to find
                                                a way that was good

                        i hope you know
                        that I was wrong
                        influenced by
                        the things we'd done

                                        i never knew
                                        it would be like this
                                        i want to talk to you
                                        alone - uninfluenced

                then maybe i'd tell you
                that i've been hurt
                but with you
                i hope it would work

                                i could never say it
                                unless i knew
                                that you felt
                                the same way too ..

         yet how am i
         supposed to know
         unless you say it
         let it show

                                so my thoughts
                                are with you
                                and i know
                                that you'll come through ..

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO                             FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWER  THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS!#@  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT                             OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG                HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE
  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEP  BY C0D3 BLU3  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWE                GHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO

 CONNECT 57600

 death waits; so can you...         

 please choose one of these terminations:

   x ... death by fire      a standard method of dying, generally speaking.
   x ... death by torture   an excrutiating experience - come on in!
   x ... crucifixion        the old school way!

 choose a letter from x to x: x

  __________________________________________________________________________
 |                                                                          |
 |                                                                          |
 |                                                                          |
 |                                                                          |
 |              welcome, my son.  welcome to the machine2.                  |
 |                                                                          |
 |                                                                          |
 |                                                                          |
 |__________________________________________________________________________|


 if you already have a s3kr3t c0d3 n4m3
 on the machine2, inhale and type it.     
 otherwise type "die": c0d3blU3
 p4ssw0rd: *****
 you fucked up!
 the s3kr3t p4ssw0rd you typed in is fUx0r3d.
 one more chance..                        

 p4ssw0rd: *****

 welcome to a boring login feature.

 enter the last digit of your social security number.
 >8

 [now logged on to machine2]

 hi c0d3blU3, it's a real shame that you're back again!

 enter your s3k0nd4ry s3kr3t p4ssw0rd: *****
 
 fantasy awaits you in lisa, the game for adults.

          ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄ¿
 there is ³  gNU  ÀÄ´ pr1v4t3 email waiting for you!
          ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ

 will you bother yourself with it right now (Y/N)? yup

 date: Sunday, June 23rd, 1996  11:02pm                              email
 from: pathetic wreth                                        msg#: 1437218
   to: c0d3blU3
   re: yo. haha. axs, bitch.         

 yo. kin ah git tha secret werd or some shit? fo da s3kr3t k0d3 s3ction.

 haha. yo. ahm out.

 -wretch.

 (r)edeem, (e)rase, (f)uck, (c)ut, (b)erate, (p)eel, or (n)othing? f

 t0p1k: just a little note to say.....

 ...goodbye.
 /s
 do you wish to attach a file? n

 *** confirmed: msg #1803024 written to hell // no more room ***

 do you want to send this to any others? n

 you have reached the end of these annoyances.

 departing the email menu.. returning to machine2

 j00 h4v3 t00 m4ny kr3d1tz!

 w3rd Up:

 "oliver always said he wanted to travel."
       -anonymous

  ==-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-==

                             sp3c14l n0tic3:

             there is nothing particularly special going on.

                                -st4pH-

  ==-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-===-==

 let's all wish a delightful extermination to:

 g01ngm4d                       what's today?
 mydyingkin                     huh?
 dream invader                  tonight and every night
 ilovekurt                      he's gone, man.
 totalcrackhead                 i'm dying?
 bl0ated                        i can't recall
 hades                          we _will_ meet again.
 korn                           they called me a poseur!@ waaaah!
 lordofchaos                    i don't have a life? can i take yours?
 george blandname               am i the only sane one here?
 d3th2sys0pz                    (t)0-day
 iamnotalive                    i can smell the rank decay of death.

 it has arrived!  come & play *sell your soul*! type /go sellsoul to play!

 n0d3  alleged alias    area             rank        kills sex  skillz  time
 ============================================================================
 04   inearthed         a p0w3rfUl oN3   *g0d*       infin  n     x     78
 56   stranded          gNusro0m         drudge      00001  n           34
 23   plague            k0d3 c3nt3r      s3ndk4sh    00298  n           6
 69   c0d3blU3          a p0w3rfUl oN3   *g0d*       infin  n     x     1
 33   isolated          h4x0rn3t         _st4ph_     17132  n     x     542
 13   hackingismylife   n0wh3r3          gNUj00z3r   00000  n           3

 (skillz: X=gotz skillz)
 
 xP3rT pr0mpT: chat    

 machine2 chat room loading... crashed.

 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 inearthed & telephone j0an are also present. 
 :
 *isolated just entered machine2 chat room*
 isolated: i'm tired of working so much for so little access.
 :i feel for you. i really do.
 -l3ft
 //kill isolated
 ***isolated just died. there are _5_ others in agony***
 :
 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 inearthed & telephone j0an are also present. 
 :
 *hackingismylife just entered machine2 chat room*
 ://info hackingismylife

 s3kr3t c0d3n4m3.............. hackingismylife
 sex.......................... n 
 sp3c14l msg.................. love2haQ
 ax0unt kr34t3d............... 06/23/96
 l4st l0g0n................... 06/24/96
 r4nk......................... gNUj00z3r
 t1m3 0n t0d4y................ 0:04
 sp3c14l.s3kr3t.c0d3n4m3...... t34ch m3 t0 h4x!@
 area......................... machine2 chat room
 killz........................ 00000
 n0d3......................... 13
 skillz....................... laymur

 :w0w.  a new user!
 -l3ft
 :
 hackingismylife: im not new. do u hax?
 :"i'm not new. i've been here since yesterday!"
 :-l3ft
 :haha
 -l3ft
 :neat. i don't know you.
 -l3ft
 :
 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 hackingismylife & inearthed & telephone j0an are also present.
 :
 :and i don't particularly like you.
 hackingismylife: i want to hax. do u hax?
 :-l3ft
 ://kill hackingismylife
 ***hackingismylife just died. there are _4_ other users in agony***
 :
 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 inearthed & telephone j0an are also present. 
 :
 ://page stranded s3nd m0r3 k4sh!@
 p4g1ng l4m3r...
 ://kill stranded           
 ***stranded just died. there are _3_ other users in agony***
 :
 inearthed: why are you killing everyone?                     
 :they're all worthless.
 -l3ft
 inearthed: that's a novel way to keep our users, c0d3.
 :have you downloaded pdp01 from the file section yet?
 -l3ft
 telephone j0an: eye wr0t3 f0r it!@#
 :i wasn't talking to you, joan!
 :-l3ft
 inearthed: sorry, not yet. my modem sucks.
 :do it.
 -l3ft
 :you must.
 -l3ft
 :inearthed: no
 :its is only right and just for you to do so.
 inearthed just disappeared from sight.         
 ***inearthed just died. there are _2_ other users in agony***
 -l3ft
 :
 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 telephone j0an is also present. 
 :
 telephone j0an [whispered]: d00d. wr1t3 stUph
 //kill telephone j0an
 ***telephone j0an just died. you're the only one in agony***
 :
 you're in a nonspecific channel.
 topic: look, i told you its nonspecific...       
 there are no other live souls here. 
 :
 :I hate life.
 ***there are no other live souls here***
 //kill c0d3blU3
 ***c0d3blU3 just died. there is only darkness***

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+


  POWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI
  ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT
  HEPOWE                                                           GHTTHEP
  IGHTTH  "ToP 10 WaYz 2 GeT a StR8 d00d To d0 Da Naz-T WiT CHU!"  OWERFIG
  OWERFI             bY(s3xuAl!#) - erikb (we think!?#!)           EPOWERF
  WERFIG                                                           ERFIGHT
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO

     HeY0HoW-D D()0Ds!  WoW tHiZ iZ thA (capslock!!!!) K00LeST HeRe!

  WiT THa SPeCiAL-ED (HeY 1 WaZ iN SPeC-E|> aT SCHo01!)  oF THa K-C00L-AiD
  MaGaZYnE C4L'D pHRaCK 4gIN!  DiS iZ Da Se<oNd R3LEaSe aND tHiZ YeAR'zZzz
  SPeCiAL-EDiTi0N.  heHAHe .. k!?  yAH!#  oK, HErE iZ dA Co0L3St TxT e\/eR
  CoMMiN' Up!  "I LiK iT LiK3 dAt!" - I f0rGit WHo DiS Qu0te FRo/\/\!?!?!?
  AcK!  oK!  UnPHoRTuN8Ly, MoZt oF U kAn'T ReAd /<-R4D sO PHuCKT U aLL aND
  GiT a LifE aNd Le4nre 2 TyPe Da GooD SHiT LiK3 mE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

           T0P 1o wAy'z 2 GiT a StR8 |>00|> To d0 Da NaZ-T Wiff CHo'!
  
 #1 - GiT HiM (StR4iGHt |>00|>) 2 CuM o\/eR! TeLL HiM YoU'rE NoT a LiF3lEsZ
      L0oZ3R aN|> YoU'Re HaVn' A /<-/<00L PaR-T!  WiT LoTz oF CHiC/<s! (Wit
      BiG TiTiES!) AnD TeLL HiM He BeTTeR HuRRy Up Be-4 DeY GiTT heR3!  Den,
      When He' Gitz DaR3, U GiVe HiM@ eNuFF 1o0% PR0oPH Bo()z3!  AnD d3N!
      Just Go PuT oN Da MaK3-Up aN'd Da DrUN/< FuKC3r WoN't KnOW da
      DIfferENse! PaCK DaT FuDgE!

 #2 - D0 Da SaME TinG WiT Da PaR-T SheeIT!  BuT INsT34d oV GiT'n iM hAMm3ReD,
      HiT iM WiT a HaMM3r!  DeN RiD3 Da HurSHeY Hi-WaY!!!

 #3 - T3eL iM DaT U 1 dah L0t0 aND WaNt t0 PaY iM $1,000,000 t0 sUk iM wHaRe
      DuH sUn DoN't ShIN3!  DeN WhEn YoU'Re ReD-D, U tI3 iM 2 dA BeD s0 He
      DoN't bEAt dA LiViN' SHiT OuT o You!  iV hE wAz GoNNa Do ThAt WiT hIS
      C0Ck, iT'd B FuN, BuT hE's GoNNa WaNNa KiLL-U!  So RuN aWaY To
      SuCk-4-C0cK 4'NotHeR D'A!

 #4 - DiS iZn't tO GiT a Str4iGHt Do0d BuT iT's FuN to0!, G0 iN'2 yEr
      fAv0R1Te GaY-B4R aND StAR'T SiNG'N "R4P3 M3!, R4Pe! M3 M'eye Fr31nD!"
      aN' YoU'lL HaV3 A /<-R4D TyME! An' iV yEr' LuCKy!  LiK3 Me DaDDy WaZ,
      Yoo GeT ThROwN InTO Da StATe PenA10tURy!  aNd GiT 2 DOO TyM3 Dr0pIN'g
      dA SoAP!!!! "O0P's, Oh yes! yes!" DiZ 4Ls0 iS D4 qUiK'eSt 4NuS
      EnL4rG'M3Nt AR0uND!!!!!

 #5 - TRiCkED iM iN 2 TiNK'n YaR a GiRL'y! (ShOOd't HaVE AnY Tr0Ble 0V'eR Da
      F0N3 iF U SoUN'd N-E tHInG LieK Me!) AnD TeL'iM YoU Com'N OvEr f0R A
      Go0D PHuCK!  JuST TeLL iM, H3 CaN D0 N-3-TiNG aNd YoU PLaY A Me3N SKiN
      FLo0te!  BuT oNLy iF Da LiGHTz R OuT!

 #6 - PR33TeND YoU'Re' NeAL anD BoB!  aN'D MaKe iT iN YeR Dr34MS!  WaRN1Ng 2
      DaH WaNNa"B"pDp - THiZ MaK3S a MeZS oV yEr ShEE3Tz!

 #7 - DeR iZ N0 NuMer0 SePT! (EnGLiSH: ThErE iZ N0 NuMBeR SeV3N!!!) s0 dAt
      M43ANs D4t U MuST hAB dA Wr0Ng NuMbA anD iT AiNt LuCKy!  w3ll aTl34st U
      w0N't GeT lUCkY WiT NuMBa SeV3N!!!!  s0 TrY aNoTHeR /<-R4D NuMBa!!!!!!
      aNd HaB YeR <0NdoMs ReD-D!!!!!

 #8 - DiS 1 iZ PR0BaBlY Da HaRDeST, (LiE/< My FRuItY FL00Ty!) OnE oV DeM
      4LL!!!!!! WHaT YoU HaV'2 d0 iZ LeVe' Im a MeSS4gE oN iZ VMB (All
      /<-C00L StR4iGHt d00D's HaV3 dA V0lC3 M4L3 B0x35!!!!!) AnD Da MeSSaGe
      MuST CoNT'aiN PoSt-PR3/HypN0Ti< SuGGesTi0Nz tA CaLL u FoR Da RiD3 oV
      HiS LiPHe!  TeLL iM YaR NamMe iZ SteVe ANd He'll SoAk iZ pAnTz iN DaH
      CrOTCH ArE4 WiT CuM! He' ThInk's YeR a GiRl By tHe S0uND of YeR V01c3,
      s0 aS So0N'a y0u GiT dEr, PuT YeR LiPz 4R0UNd iZ P3NiZ anD M4Ke Im
      eNjOy' iT aZ MuCH aS U D0!

 #9 - GiT YaR HaND's 0N a iSSuE oV tHaT MaGiZyNE 4LL uZ /<-R4D Do0Dz H4t3!!!!
      "PlAyBoy!", and GiT a U-HUH GlU StiCK!  GlU dA DiSGuSTinG PiCKTureS tO
      yA anD He "MigHT;' MiSTaKE yOU F0R a HoT-BuStY cHIck LieK dA uuGly 976
      Wh0rEz!  (ew!)  bUt HeY!  iV iT GiTS YoU S0M3, DaN it's WoRTH iT!  YoU
      CaN Re4D YaR OwN PlAyGiRLs MaGiZYne'Z AfTeR Ya Do DuH N4ZtY wIt Da StR8
      Do0D!

 #10 - iV U R r34d'N DiZ StiLL, U R mUsT HaB a BiG HaRD Dic/<!, so t4kE 5 2
       sP4nK iT (GoD (Da OtHeR 1!) NoEs i HaV3 l0Ts 0v TiM3S wHiLE RiGHT'N
       DiZ K-RAD/Co0L-eLiT3-PhAth3rPhUCk'n-Text-FilE!!) r3AL G0oD aN'D CuM
       Re4L HaR|> 0N yeR KeYBoARd fEr m3!!! 0Oh yeS! 0 WoW! ... dAt wAZ
       FuNN!! oK NoW tHe LaZT WaY tO GiT a STr4iGHT D0oD's C0Ck In' YoU'r3
       Azz and Mouth (In' DaT OrDeR iZ BeST!!!) U haV 2 KiDnApp HiS SiSteR
       aND FaMiL33!  AnD LoCK eM' iN ummm, dA CloS3t oR B4THr00M oR oTher
       RooM!.. and teLL iM, dAt if hE d0N't d0 y0u RiGhT, y0U'lL KiLL deM 0N3
       Bi 1 UntIL hE doES!!!  MaKe' SuRe YoU d0n't d0 DiZ UnL3sz YoU' l00K
       lIEk daT dood ... aRN01D SwARtzNIggER!  CuZ WhEn'S I tRI'ed it, DeY
       AlL BeaT mE uP cUz I l00K lieK aRNoLD dA gUy (oH dAt SeXy B0D!) oN Da
       TV ShOW Ca1L'd Da WoNDeR YeARz!  BuTT Da'Ts oK, cUZ StR8 GuI's ArN't
       Az Mu<H PhUNN iN dA SaC, aN'd dOn'T eN-JoY LiCK'n SaC liKe aLL mY
       fReMdz.

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

        MoZT 0V DeeZ WeRk GR8!  I uSe DeM 41l DuH TyM3!  N-E WaYS. Re3MeMB'R
 D0oDz:

        "If Sex iZ a PaiN iN D'a aZZ, YeR Do0'n iT rIt3!" - erikb

 If U hAV NE Go0D GAY!  giF oR JPG filez, PLeAZE!!!  RZ & DCC ME 2DAY!!!!!!!!

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

 ==||=||=============||================================||=============||=||== 
   || || PDP ROOLZ!# || *|*                        *|* || PDP R0X!!#1 || ||
   || || PDP I LUV!# ||        "ANARCHY ON IRC"        || #HACK SUX!# || ||
   || || DEW U FEER? ||       bY: TELEPHONE JOAN       || AOL & IRC!@ || ||
   || || K0NF ME N0W ||                                || KILL LAMERZ || ||
   || || NETSEX 4 ME || *|*    oOOo  ||||  oOOo    *|* || U R A H0M0! || ||
 ==||=||=============||=========\  \( oO )/  /=========||=============||=||==
   || ||                          \  (__)   /                         || ||
   || |   "rEm3mbur ur r00tz!#"    \ HOPE! /     "h3y f4t g1rl!#"      | ||
   ||               - alex haley    \_____/           - hUmpt33          ||
   ||                                                                    ||
   |                "pDp oWnz m3!!!!" - b1ll cl1nt0n                      |

        y0 MutHafuCka.  th1s article is all about oUr fav0rite sp0rt:
 an-ar-key.  h3ll yeah1@#!  fuck yeah1#$$!  shit yeah#%!$~$!@  haha .. YEAH!#
 little known to most lamERZzz there are various ways to have phun & ruin
 people's time on IRC.  i have compiled various methods to wr33k hav0k.

        beware!#

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 *|* METHOD #1 - THE FLOOD *|*
 
        there are various types of floods that you can create on IRC.  two of
 the more interesting are flooding a channel with a message & flooding a
 channel with changing your nick.  the channel flood is done best when it is
 both annoying & offensive.  here are some examples:

 [ "the channel flood" ]

 *** FONEJOAN (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #jesus
 *** Topic for #jesus: Toga party at God's house
 *** topic for #jesus set by Kilbaniar on Jun 24 22:23:31
 *** Users on #Jesus: FONEJOAN EarthSon lghtbrngr Kilbaniar ^Nimrod^ BibleMan
     mantator airs @Yagga @NobleMan Arsen|c @Balaam327 @_Fallen @Gilno
     @KnaraKat @shipwrek @AthSpook @_laney @treecat
 <FONEJOAN> god iz a lamer
 <lghtbrngr> ship:  there is no doubt with the holy spirit.
 <FONEJOAN> god iz gay
 <FONEJOAN> ur god iz ded
 <FONEJOAN> god iz a homo
 <Yagga> what the hell?
 <FONEJOAN> i did da naz-t wiff ur god
 <FONEJOAN> god h8z u
 <FONEJOAN> god iz a dum n gay lymr
 <FONEJOAN> god haz no o-day warez
 <Balaam327> quit that lamer!!!!!!
 <FONEJOAN> god iz a doodleboy
 <FONEJOAN> "hi i m ur god n i m dum"
 <FONEJOAN> ur god iz fat
 <FONEJOAN> i wunder if ur god sux .. yez!  he doez!#
 <FONEJOAN> god liztenz 2 nin n iz goth
 <FONEJOAN> god kan't evun read an ana dump
 <FONEJOAN> ur god haz no opz
 <Kilbaniar> drinking is bad for you, if you think about it
 <FONEJOAN> i wipe ur god'z azz wiff da amerikan flag
 <FONEJOAN> a dum god?  yup!!
 <FONEJOAN> god kan't evun nickcollide
 <FONEJOAN> god ritez dum kuntry musik songz
 <FONEJOAN> u r owned by jewz
 <FONEJOAN> god iz a slakker
 <FONEJOAN> god serfz the www
 <_Fallen> some1 ban him!!!!
 <FONEJOAN> god kan't make good ramen
 <FONEJOAN> god feerz the PDP!

        i think you get the point.

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 [ "the nick flood" ]
 
 *** FONEJOAN (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #zines
 *** Topic for #zines: YOUR MOM HAS SO MUCH ANGST SHE DONT DRIVE A CAR,
     BUT A GOD DAMN TANK!!!@!@
 *** topic for #zines set by eerie-kun on Jun 24 20:41:05
 *** Users on #zines: FONEJOAN @Joltcola @bF @jamesy fatslayer @mogel @tMM
     @Jestapher cerkit orestes suavedave @y0lkb0t @SnuffyII @crank
 <FONEJOAN> hello lamerz!!!!
 <bF> uh
 <FONEJOAN> prepare 4 a flood!!!!
 *** FONEJOAN is now known as zeengeek
 *** zeengeek is now known as k0d3k1lla
 *** k0d3k1lla is now known as t0okRaD
 *** t0okRaD is now known as uR2dUM4mE
 *** uR2dUM4mE is now known as hrtz2bel8
 *** hrtz2bel8 is now known as dTor00lZ
 *** dTor00lZ is now known as d1eLaMeRz
 <suavedave> floods!  2 eleet!
 *** d1eLaMeRz is now known as WaReZ4uS
 *** WaReZ4uS is now known as n1ck-gURu
 *** n1ck-gURu is now known as f3erj0an
 *** f3erj0an is now known as pDpoWnzU
 <bF> holy shit, you're pathetic.
 *** pDpoWnzU is now known as haQnURmom
 *** haQnURmom is now known as pHReAK_m3
 *** pHReAK_m3 is now known as erikz
 *** erikz is now known as i_l0v_b0w
 *** i_l0v_b0w is now known as _gImMes3x
 *** _gImMes3x is now known as EatAtJoes
 <fatslayer> phreak_me?  hehe :)
 *** EatAtJoes is now known as dMsMAZtUr
 *** dMsMAZtUr is now known as sW1tChsTa
 <mogel> keep going, FONEJOAN!#
 *** h3h3h3h3 is now known as m3_fuNN33
 *** m3_fuNN33 is now known as FONEJOAN
 <FONEJOAN> bye lamerz!!!!
 *** FONEJOAN has left channel #zines 

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 *|* METHOD #2 - MASSDCC *|*

        this is a good way of distributing t-files 2 lamerz so that they can
 learn some sk1llz n become az kool az pdp.  i wrote thiz irc skript myself!#

 *** FONEJOAN (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #2600
 *** Topic for #2600: <blundar> women suck, but thats the point i guess
 *** topic for #2600 set by nefarius on Jun 24 00:31:13
 *** Users on #2600: FONEJOAN zoro-a LiON @halflife Joe630 @mujahadin Lefty
     Grampa-E cstone @nefarius Hellcore @ip Ziochaq @teklord @zorch @kluge
     @static_
 *** dccing everyone on #zines: pdp-01.txt
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to static_
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to kluge
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to zorch
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to teklord
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to Ziochaq
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to ip
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to Hellcore
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to nefarius
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to cstone
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to Grampa-E
 *clinton* u ownz me
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to Lefty
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to mujahadin
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to Joe630
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to LiON
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to halflife
 *** Sent DCC SEND request to zoro-a
 *** DCC SEND connection to zoro-a[204.179.92.50,44239] established
 *** DCC SEND connection to Grampa-E[199.0.154.5,4341] established
 *** DCC SEND connection to teklord[206.64.16.5,1560] established
 *** DCC SEND:/home/fonejoan/0day/pdp-01.txt to Grampa-E completed 8.561 kb/sec
 <FONEJOAN> hehe lamerz!!!!

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 *|* METHOD #3 - PRETEND 2 B A GRRL *|*

 *** JOAN (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #hack
 *** Topic for #hack: not a help desk, dick.  er, cunt.
 *** topic for #hack set by Mark_ on Jun 24 20:27:45
 *** Users on #hack: JOAN Devious rbcp ladyada @kemo gWAr @wr @tcp bash
     @xgirl @Mark_ @y ao_ @r0ach phried telmnstr ][ceman @b @_8-Ball_ swallow
     @ReDragon Rebel @t3 L1-A HomeySan jasonf @BioH tersIan @f1b3r RAgent
     @ophie @cg @Professor emmanuel
 * JOAN has a vagina.
 *** Mode change "+o JOAN" on channel #zines by b
 *** Mode change "+o JOAN" on channel #zines by Mark_
 *** Mode change "+o JOAN" on channel #zines by t3
 *** Mode change "+o JOAN" on channel #zines by y
 *y* I love you.
 <JOAN> hehe smooch lamerz!!!!

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 *|* METHOD #4 - FAKE WAREZ!@ *|*

 *** #warez Sorry, cannot join channel. (Banned from channel)
 <FONEJOAN> FUCK!!!!!!  RBCP AGAIN!!!!!!!!
 *** FONEJOAN is now known as JOAN^PDP
 *** JOAN^PDP (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #ansi
 *** Users on #ansi: mogel @ky- kirin Zard0z _9l SToNeD_ gk[f1re] Cybrdeath
     @_mcp_ THa_dEEbA Rad_Man rdel @maxwell- @_tm Mr_Yuck armdonut firestone
     KoKane_ loi m0rph^_ Dupree _cb[blur] @Sabby @quisling eVer_ msd S-DEATH
     pH fB TGuardian @pHLOMe
 <JOAN^PDP> ** PACKS OFFERED. /MSG JOAN^PDP XDCC SEND #N for autosend pack #N
 <JOAN^PDP> #1  LOTS OF ANSI, ANSI, ANSI!#  ACID!  ICE!  CIA! [2kb, 1 file]
 <_9l> ky-: that was a very good job at shading!
 [+PDP.IRC+] Sending #1 to _mcp_
 [+PDP.IRC+] Sending #1 to m0rph^_
 [+PDP.IRC+] Sending #1 to TGaurdian
 [+PDP.IRC+] Sending #1 to Sabby
 <ky-> _9l:  why thank you!  you are an excellent artist!
 <firestone> anyone want to join my group?
 <m0rph^_> dcc me saten
 <TGuardian> i'm a fucking idiot.
 <pH> hey kirin you rule :) :)
 <_cb[blur]> radman offered me 2 join ACiD, but i feel more stable in BLuR.
 *eVer_* what is this pdp shit????
 *KoKane_* what are you sending me?!?!?!
 *** DCC SEND connection TGuardian[206.64.16.5,1560] established
 *** DCC SEND:/u/d/doomed/irc/pdp-01.txt to TGuardian completed 8.561 kb/sec
 <JOAN^PDP> hehe lamerz!!!!!1

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

 *|* METHOD #5 - PHOREIN PHUN!# *|*

 *** FONEJOAN is now known as fieutra
 *** fieutra (joan@pdp.org) has joined channel #france
 *** Topic for #france: Meteor s'est fait mordre par un cochon fou
 *** topic for #france set by THX-1138 on Jun 24 10:13:01
 *** Users on #france: mogel kimo JEFFO PetitAnge Overscan infoo magalie suzy24
     cricri DOWN PASCAL zorglub HaPpYbEn @MeteorUS pitou DonJuan matou barry
     KnottyGrl zappy _elle_ rym Matt Wallace2 kidney Alexxxx shak zic styx
     Gandalf_ Djisus DTP ^Linda^ Nathy1 chepa mmmmm uma @PookMaN @LadYPooK 
 <fieutra> allo lmrz
 <DTP> magalie:  Alors te sens-tu mieux maintenant que tu as mange un
       croissant?!
 <fieutra> HaPpYbEn: tu es muy guapo french toaste en pheare.
 <shak> si seulement je n'etais pas une damner grenouille!
 <Djisus> j'ai ri de cinq americains aujourd'hui!  qu'est-ce que je suis
          cool, dis donc!
 <fieutra> shak: glooputreu fondu hickri
 <fieutra> dji: merci tu french fries bon appetite?
 <JEFFO> fie> Mais qu'est=ce que tu dis????
 <styx> holy blue!
 <JEFFO> il parle probablement une autre langyue!!
 <fieutra> je suis un bon matin on mi amigos.
 <fieutra> JEFFO: flur polyjesuti yusier dewe
 <fieutra> JEFFO: derupir!!!!!!
 <zorglub> je crois que ce gars as inhale trop de smog!  ha ha!!!
 -> *techmitch* hehehe theze guyz r lamrz!!!!
 <fieutra> soufflet et wareze!!!
 <fieutra> la yaourt et la car et la peeppe dans la pottye?
 <magalie> DTP: Je suis anorexique depuit deux ans!!  est-ce que je suis
           grosse?!??
 <cricri> fieutra est un lamer!!!
 *** You have been kicked off channel #france by LadYPooK ( Arrete de
     te moquer des francais, fils de pute! )

 *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*

        so, as you can see - the world of irc is a place where you can have
 lotz of phun no matter how many lamrz ther r owt ther.

        gathur up ur skripts, get lotz ov phree time, n start sum anarchy
 today!!!!!

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  EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERF
  WERFIGHTTHEPOWERFI                                   ERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGH
  FIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHT      GueST eXTRo To iSSue 02      IGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTH
  HTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHE     Beigebox Pornoline Victim     TTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPO
  HEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOW                                   EPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWER
  OWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIG
  RFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTTHEPOWERFIGHTT


        You're damn RIGHT this is the end of pDp #2, you!@#  We have finally
 found our niche in the underground hierarchy of hackers and phone hackers.
 How many t-philes do we have to write before you recognize our awe-some
 powers and skills and stuff.  You will never understand us; we are eleet on
 too many levels.

        Step back and phear@#!  Pre-payer ph0r pDp's imminent elimination of
 all other 'poseur' hacker-wannabe-defcon-warez-traydurz-groups.  Alright,
 now you have read pDp @2, we are about to decode some serious AMA-hexa-
 fukin'-decimal k-rad k-k0dezz.  And Switch Tech Mitch is on his way to San
 Antonio to cut the phone lines off of Marauder's trailer.  His real name is
 Chris and his mom's name is Rebecca!@#

        Here'z sum greetz:

 The Alphabet Posse, Dummercon 2, FLaK, L0CK, PLA, poupey, SSF, t0c, TNo,
 8ball (the stoner not the innumerable warez geeks), Samantha A. Abad, DTO,
 Anika, Anonymous Hovering Psycho, Asriel, b3lial, Cavalier 303, Carpet,
 CCRider, The Clash City Rocker, Corporeal, crank, Da5id, daemon9 (=mogel??),
 DeMoNiKa, DisordeR, eerie, Erik Bloodaxe (shirts), erzebet, ip, Ilsundal,
 goo, gothic, grind, girlie seventeen, Guido Sanchez, James Hetfield, kokey,
 tMM, The Major, MARX, Metalchic (l'amour est avec moi quand je vous pense),
 MIB, Miss March, Mistress X, mogel, Morpheus, Nicole, Nightfall, Obsidian,
 Orestes, Liz Phair, The Pinball Wizard, The Ponderer, Professor, Sabeena,
 The Proletarian Revolt, Quarex, Raduga, Deth Veggie, Rage-303, rattle, c0rp,
 Shadow Tao, RedBoxChiliPepper (your nick is so PDP... anyway thanks for the
 Colleen pix), the Sea Green Girl, Sparhawk, Swisspope, Synectic, Drunkfux,
 Telecom Legend, Telecon, Third, The Voyager, The Wanderer, x, xgirl.

        Unofficial greetz:

 b, cg, t3, Set0n, bl1nk, Erikt, Swallow, Junkman, & Ophie.

        "See you boys next issue, with a big smile on my face!"  - Switch 
 Tech Mitch.

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
[eof]
