                 .a[Australia Through The Eyes Of A Spoon!]a.
                  .a[by Spoony(aka spoonman of Australia)]a.
 
   First of all I am not the warez pup no life loser from RiSC, I do not know
when he acquired his handle but I picked mine up just before the song 
came out (when I first heard of it). I'm usually in irc as spoony and most
people call me spoony now anyway (mainly because its quicker and
distinguishes me from the warez pup).

   Now that weve gotten that out of the way heres the rest of the
article. I was on irc this morning in #y0lk talking a bit to creed and ideal
and thought "hmm maybe I'll write an article for y0lk?".. The thought soon
passed as I realised I was late for the bus (you see I'm repeating my last
year of school due to my body being invaded and taken over by a slackk ass
last year) and incidentally I am still waiting for him to vacate.

   So now I'm on the bus to school writing this, to clear up some misconcept-
ions and perhaps to create some about Australia. First of all its only New
Zealanders that have a vulgar fetish for sheep, not Australias.. though
apon meeting some folk from the outback I could be wrong! And we do not ride
kangaroos, well not since it was outlawed in 1987 when big Texan tourists
started trying our skilled art.

   Now why would someone want to live in Australia? well no one would (that
is volountarily), I could say we have a low crime rate but I am sure even the
self-interested Americans would have heard about the mass killing that occur-
red just days ago in Tasmania (a state of Australia that is an island).
Tragic? Sad? some may say so.. but I personally cant feel as affected as I
should be when hundreds or perhaps thousands of poeple die everyday in third
world countries.. One madman goes psychopathic with a few guns and kills
thirty five people and its a world wide tragedy, thousands die everyday from
prolonged starvation and its a way of life?

   Australia has hardly any groups or zines or decent boards, well there is
atleast one decent board that I am aware of called Morbid Incite. It's run
by this kewl guy called spoony or spoonman or something :) We have only one
decent radio station for anyone under 25 (TripleJ), we have no decent Tele-
vision stations, we get Television shows about a year after the USA (we only
just got sliders a few weeks ago) and to top it off we pay $30 Australian for
one lousy CD!. That was not a typo boys and girls you heard right $30 for
a damn CD! and if you check current AUS->USA exchange rates you should find
that is about $45 or $50 US, perhaps more.

   Oh and in the centre of our cities we have these phenomenons called
'townies', they wear really big pants, really big tshirts and/or jackets and
a baseball cap that sits lightly on their heads usually backwards and always
crunched in on the top :) Ahh townies, the losers with love to hate. I hope
no Aussie townies are reading this.. if they are I will be sure to get one
of my friends (yes I do have some!) to submit my arbituary next issue :)

   We can drive when we are 16 and drink when we are 18 (and vote but who
wants to do that?) incidentally we have compulsory voting. Probably because
they know no one would vote otherwise, we have avery stuffed up government.
Who needs a government anyway? they just suck our money and run up nice
national debts! Hell out polititions voted themselves a 20% pay rise at two
am in the morning a year or two ago.

   But enough about politics, thats stuffed up no matter where you are. When
I buy my island I will be inviting about 15,000 to 50,000 people all over the
world to live there. We will have no government, no laws, no crime as nothing
will cost anyone anything and satellite links to the net (free of course).
Altogether there will be about 50 to 100 satellites dedicated to us, 5 or 10
of which will be dedicated to 2500 hackers to take down major internet 
service providers (the ones that censor), *.gov* and *.mil* sites, once we
are done with those we shall consider *.edu* (get the best profs on the
island first though).

   Wow, this bus is still going. Aww an accident, that reminds me, we
have the worlds best drivers in Australia (as no one takes the blame
here, so its no ones fault :). Well we have just pulled up to school so I
shall finish writing for now and continue later.

   Well I am in first lesson now, Modern European History.. joy. Do teachers
in the USA and the rest of the world provide an instant cure to insomnia such
as the teachers in Australia do?

   To those that have never been to Australia it is like a miniature version
of America (or atleast what we see on the television) but the people are less
obnoxious (apologies but thats the image Americans have in Australia). We 
have people trying to dress American, talk American and alot of our television
adverts our American aswell (or atleast Americanised) and so on. Atleast we
have the metric system! :)

   I suppose the best things about living Australia would be our relatively
lower crime rate when compared to America, a low population (only around the
19 million mark), not too bad technology (apart from popular belief we do
develop our own computer and other technology), not a bad climate (winter
where I live averages between 8 degrees celcius to 20 degrees celcius and
summer averages 25 degrees celcius to 38 or 40 degrees celcius) convert that
to F yourself.

   It is now 9:15am, I think at lunch I will hit irc.. At our school we have
a bunch of WWW machines (which are firewalled to all hell, so all you can
do is www) have internal 28.8 modems and with my trusty copy of Telemate
installed I can dial anywhere I want.. I usually dial my service provider
and hit irc when I am bored (or call my board to answer messages). Maybe
I will type up this article and send it to creed today. Sounds like a good
idea.

   I suppose I wandered off the topic a few times and I've left out alot of
things that I could put down Australia for but I think that is enough. If you
are still actually reading this article then it is either good or your bored,
either way email me and tell me what you thought about it. My email addy and
homepage addy are both at the end of this article. While your at it send me
your favourite text file! I will add it to my BBS's filebase and put your
handle in the diz. My board is mainly text files, so whatever your favourite
text is on send it! (no word or postscript etc formats, just plain old text).
Or if you want to upload it my board number is +61-8-2810568, that will 
be the number until August when Austel changes all our numbers. After August
I think the new number will be +61-8-82810568, that means I will have to go
through my entire filebase and change all the BBS adverts :(

   Oh and if anyone wants to do a morbid incite ansi/ascii/vga etc feel free
to do so and email or upload it to me. (any capitilisation you want).

   It is now 9:25am and class is still borin, if anyone liked any part of
this article then let me know and I'll write some more. Different topics and
maybe longer? / shorter? you tell me :)

   Hey the teacher actually said something interesting and I quote "War only
works if you win", [mental note. call the world records society]. Of course
it can still be fun :), the world has not had any good wars since the Gulf.
Come on guys! pull your fingers out (do not damage those trigger fingers!),
hey if your reading this and your one of those guys that sit in missile silos
with a key can you pleeease do me a favour? :)

   Well hello again :) it is now 3pm, had a great day.. after first lesson
my teachers were away (for the last 2 lessons) so I got to go home.. (you
see at the school I goto i the teacher is not there you do what ever you
want, no substitutes are sent). So now I am here finishing off the article,
I will cut it off here as I feel it is long enough (reminiscence of bobbit?).

   Okay so my email address is spoonman@tolstoi.saccii.net.au and my homepage
is http://tolstoi.saccii.net.au/~spoonman (it may keep you amused for 5mins
if your bored.. has some good links). And remember my board number from
earlier in the article??. Lookout for more of my dribble if this gets 
accepted for a y0lk article, if not then maybe someone else will want it? :)
 
   Cya later people... Spoony

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$ ## $                            title                           $ author  $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road?                        $ insane  $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern                                          $ mutter  $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself                          $ creed   $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two                     $ creed   $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed   $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta)                             $ creed   $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles             $ ideal   $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays                                          $ phorce  $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..."                                   $ mutter  $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding.                  $ traq    $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants                                         $ rage    $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone                                           $ ideal   $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle  $ 
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother                                $ sphrog  $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky                                $ jamesy  $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears                   $ murmur  $
$ 77 $ horror story                                               $ oeb     $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re                                                  $ s.sheep $      $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant                                              $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger                                         $ tao     $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600                                      $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist     $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file                                        $ mogel   $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination?                                      $ m.head  $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon                      $ spoony  $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
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cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
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heil creed.  <HEIL!#  HEIL!#>

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk

or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373.  k-rad.

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OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
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don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up?  it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this.  what a bunch of losers we are.
