
        uhh...  well this is my first y0lk apprearance and i sure do feel
  elite.  w00h00!  if you don't know me, you haven't been paying much
  attention, and if you do, you probably wish you didn't, so i'll spare you
  the angst.
        i was on IRC today (big suprise) and i gave someone a VMB, and next
  thing i know everyone was msg'ing for VMB's, check this out

  *r3ptile* - i'll rub hot oils on you if you give me a VMB!
  *mercuri* - i'll let you be a member of the 'mercuri fanclub' if you
              give me a VMB
  *tMM* - what's a VMB?
----------(those are fake quotes asshole)---------------------------------

    i know, sorry, but the funny thing is people don't know how easy it is 
  to hack VMB's, so here's a quick lesson.  sit down late at night with
  your fav' cordless and scan 800's untill you get a VMB system, then type
  # or *, and if it asks for a box num type one, and the usual pw's are
  1111, 0000, 111, box, or the box number itself.  voila! now you can stop
  pestering me about it.

------------(gee, thanks)-------------------------------------------------
        
        no prob...  ok, here's some pulp fiction for you, because my life
  isn't interesting enough to write 5K about, so i have to make up stuff.
  there is some truth to this, but i'll let you figure it out...

        Taken from the journal of a friend:
        -----------------------------------
        i was walking down the hallway of my small-town highschool, head
        hung low like it always is, avoiding eye-contact with anyone in
        such a manner that i would never be noticed.  i probably wouldn't
        be noticed anyway, but it was extra insurance.  there were a few like
        me, they called us lurkers.  we never stood out in anything, we were
        the industrial-strength mediocers (sp?) of the world.  we weren't
        worth making fun of, because we wouldn't respond to any heckles.
        so everyone just figured we were brain damaged and would leave us 
        alone.  that's what i wanted anyway.  i was content.  not happy, just
        content.  
        i went to math class, and sat in the back, and then some kid kicked
        me in the shins so i moved up a row.  then he started poking me to
        see if i'd do anything.  i didn't do anything outward, but something
        odd happened in that moment.  as the gundgy kid poked me in the arm
        where all the bruises were from other kids poking me, i began to
        comtemplate his death.  as the teacher rambled on about nothing
        interesting, and the kids threw pencils and pennies around the room,
        i devised, with the aid of some sick doodles in my math notebook,
        which contained little else than doodles, the demise of my fellow
        classmate.  it was easy enough, but i won't go into detail on the
        chance that they suspect me and confiscate my computer.  the details
        were not important anyway, what was important was that in a few hours
        he'd be dead.
        i made the preperations, and waited the appointed time for him to
        show up, where i knew he'd be.  

        i'm sitting here now...  he was supposed to be here, but he's 
        probably spending a little more time jerking off than usual, so i'll
        wait.  i waste my life away waiting anyway, what is a few minutes...

        biting your nails is bad.  i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding.
        still i wait.  it's 6:30.  the school will close soon.  no one will
        miss me at home, they just won't set a place at the table, and 
        there'll be one less person for my father to vent his fustration
        at...  i hate my life.  

        he's not going to show, i know that.  i've made a mistake greater
        than the one of me being born. i've made a final, grave decision,
        for which the world must judge me upon.  i...........

        -------------------------------------------------------------------

        The rest of the page was covered in blood.  I grabber this before
        the janitors were dispersed to clean up the mess.
        My friend is dead.  The cops couldn't figure out what happened,
        whether he died by his own hands or was murdered.  There was 
        speculation, but no one knew enough about him to make a final
        decision.  The case was closed and everyone's life went on.  The
        incident was mentioned on the loud-speaker, amidst the other 
        announcements, but it was like no one heard it.  I did.  I went
        back and read his journal and laughed.


  --------------(disturbing...   you're a sick bastard)-----------------

        i never denied it!  well i won't tell you what is true and what is
  not, so don't bother asking.  you tell me.  1800-925-9999,#,#,181...

        i must be off now, i have to be up early tomorrow and i still have
  to wank it...  life's tough ya' know?

                                        ...   .      . traq .      .      ..

--[ind3x]---------------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road?                        $ insane  $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern                                          $ mutter  $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself                          $ creed   $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two                     $ creed   $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed   $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta)                             $ creed   $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles             $ ideal   $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays                                          $ phorce  $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..."                                   $ mutter  $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding.                  $ traq    $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed.  <HEIL!#  HEIL!#>

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk

or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373.  k-rad.

*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet.

_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!#  join the y0lk mailing list!#  chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!#  email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.

don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up?  it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this.  what a bunch of losers we are.
