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                   ÜÛÛß   ÞÛÛ    ÜÜ þ ÜÜ    ÞÛÝ   ÞÛÛ  Üþß
                  ²ÛÛÝ    ÞÛÝ ÜÛÛß     ßÛÛÜ ÞÛÝ   ÛÛÛß
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                 ÞÛÛÛÝ    ²Û ÞÛÛ        ÛÛÛÝ ²Û  ÞÛÝ     ÞÛÛÝ
                  ßÛÛÛÜÜ  ÛÝ  ßÛÝ      ÞÛÛß  ÞÛÝ ÞÛÜ      ²ÛÛ
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                ÞÛÛÝ     ÞÝ                              ßß
                 ßÛÛÜ  Üþß  ramblings of a poseur.
                    ßß
---( h3aderz r0ol! )---------------------------------------------------------

don't they tho?  this is me, bEdlAM... i know, i haven't written for a long
time, basically cuz i babble so much in school that when i go to write an
issue, i'm all babbled out i think... and i can't really write down what i
babbled about in school cuz well, you would've had to be there... if i wrote
it all down you'd be like "i must've had to have been there" and i would've
magically replied "yeah i guess so"... wow... am i babbling?  cool i found
the secret... i have to write them before school like i am now.  i'm sitting
here waiting for my chum Marty.  he'll be here soon, then i'll be off.. but
for now, i have a few minutes

--- ( yikes! )---------------------------------------------------------------

you know, i actually say yikes.  i do.  like when something happens and
surprises me, i go 'yikes!'... it's scary, cuz its not a word that most high
schoolers use in everyday language.  but i do, so what.  dont make fun, you
probably have a word that you say that nobody else says.  yeah.

--- ( floogenheim! )---------------------------------------------------------

like that.

you know, i was REALLY thirsty the other day, and we had NOTHING in the house
to drink... not even milk... and i really don't like water... so i got really
pissed off, and i found some stuff that you make iced tea with... so i got
all excited and missed the show i was watching (i think seinfeld).. cuz i was
so into making iced tea... cuz first you had to like boil water, then mix it
with this stuff from the package, then stir, blah blah... well anyway, i'm
reading the instructions and it says 'add lemon for flavor' and i'm like oh
cool... so i go "mom, do we have like, lemon juice or something?" cuz i know
we don't have lemons in the house.  then i look into the fruit bowl and what
do i spy?  A LEMON.  that's right, we had a lemon.  what the hell possessed
my mother to have ONE LEMON in the house.  so i asked her, and she said that
she just thought she might want to use a lemon.  i didn't believe her.  i
accused her of sucking lemons in her spare time, but she denied it.  but i
know the truth.  anyway, i put the lemon in the iced tea, then put lots of
ice and sugar in it and put it in the fridge for a few minutes.. i was SOOOO
thirsty... and then i poured a nice tall glass of it, all ready to quench
my thirst.  you know what?  i drank half of it and it tasted nasty and dried
my mouth out of all its natural fluids.  so it was pointless.  life.

---( lemons are cool )-------------------------------------------------------

aren't they tho?  yeah.  whoa, time warp.. its after school now..  dont you
hate when you're writing a y0lk issue, and your friend marty gets to your
house to pick you up and you don't have time to finish it?

---( whatever, geek )--------------------------------------------------------

you know what is the absolute best movie in the world?  UHF.  If you've never
seen it, you're a freak. stop reading this, and go rent it.  it's got wierd
al yankovic (sp?) in it... and michael richards (kramer) from seinfeld.
kramer rules.  in uhf, he's like this janitor.. and he did this big speech
about how life is like a mOp.  mOp is cool.  kramer and mOp are my two
favorite things, so UHF is the best.  and this guy bob the janitor is cool
too, so since kramer is a janitor with a mOp, i love UHF... billy madison was
good too.  although unlike uhf, they swore unnecessarily in it.

---( what are you, some anti-swearing guy? )---------------------------------

fuck no.  but when a movie is funny without the swearing and then they swear
in it, it ruins it.  some movies are only funny because of all the swearing.
but see, UHF didn't swear any worse than "these floors are dirty as HELL, and
i'm not gonna take it any more!"... a great family movie.. you can show it
to your 5 year old cousin and he'll think its funny and won't go swearing at
your mom.  billy madison was great, but they kept swearing, and it really
wasn't necessary... i dunno, it's stupid.

---( now i see why you don't write many y0lks )------------------------------

shut up.  who is my idol you ask?  DANNY BONADUCE.  if you don't know who he
is, it's that redhead kid on the partridge family.  he's like 30 something
now, and he beat up a transvestite, and boxed with donny osman, and wrestled
with christopher knight (bobby brady), and fought this guy john kelly, who
is just some dork who's like an anchorman or something... but he kicked
danny's ass cuz he's big and tough, and danny's this 5'4" redhead italian guy.
so you can see why he had to fight all these guys.  any short redheaded
italian has got something to prove.  oh yeah, danny also has that talk show
on NBC called "Danny!" you've seen it i know.  and he's got a radio show here
in chicago too.  i'm listening to it right now.  he says that carnie wilson
(the fat bitch from wilson phillips who also has a talk show) shouldn't be
doing an excersise video cuz she's so fat, and some guy got mad at him for
that.  duh... who's gonna pay money for an excersise video from a fat singing
talk show host?  of course people like richard simmons, so who knows.

---( danny rules )-----------------------------------------------------------

i know.  if you call my board (lan's laughter 708-749-9621 blatant plug) and
say that, you'll get instant access even if you promise to take the board
down and report me to the spa and the fbi and cia and other 3-letter
abbreviations.  did you ever say something that you were thinking out loud
when you really didn't want to?  my friend was high and he was babbling about
something or other and he goes 'i shit my pants' and then kept talking.  i
was amused.

---( are you done yet? )-----------------------------------------------------

not quite.  i think everyone should go to a green day concert and shoot them.
actually, i'd rather you kill weezer first.  then michael jackson.  then
green day. yeah.  ph3ar the header.

---( editor in da haus )-----------------------------------------------------

that was a pretty neat issue. satan is my master. and that header kicks ass.

---( index )-----------------------------------------------------------------

.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'


     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.  woog.

        mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
