'ZiNe Fer ThoSe wHo KhaN DreZZ PH0R eLiTeNeSS 'n' GHeT 0-DaY CHiX <krad>
                        ------ ----- ---- --- -- -
        K0mPiLeD PHRuM MaNY S0uRCez By:  Panther Modern <elite>
        ---- --- -- - -- --- ---- --- -- - -- --- ----
                        iSSuE #5 <----- (K00L)

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@ VieWz @@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

        Okay, kidz.  This is getting out of hand.  You warez are getting old,
while you slackers sit there playing dewm II.  Put down that joystick!  Pick
up that keyboard, turn on the modem, and peddle the 0-day!  Even 1-day is
better than what's been happening!  I was on a board today, and I saw a 3-day
ware on there.  How can any self-respecting warez trader let himself get so
out of hand that he actually allows 3-day to get past his comm port?  I know
that *I*, for one, invested, and bought a comm port locking utility that calls
up the sekret 0-day underground new releases board, checks for new warez, and
only those are allowed through for the day.  Why don't you all invest like me,
so that you don't have to peddle the old warez?
        In this issue, not only will you be told exactly how to build and use
the device, but in a separate file, you will find our gnu elite ansi, 
proclaiming KRAD's eliteness over all the other Denver ELiTE 'zines!  Also
in this issue!  Board ratings!  And other kraddie stuff!  Get ready, coz this
is issue number five, the long awaited, the krad.  Krad 'zine and it's 
kompilerz do not always agree with what the writers say in there artikles, 
but we usually do.  So phuq you if you don't like it, k?  
        Have phun, kidz.   And NEVER take off yer bloodstained jeans.

  And without further ado, a special KRAD thanx to Phantax for the eliteness
of the enclosed ansi!  It'z too spacial for werds.  

        And this just in, too!  We have a KRAD DiSTR0 SyTE HQ which is 
Realm Of Chaos BBS.  They get -3 day as a rule, and are a very krad b0rd!

  Also, look later in this 'zine for the OWANW! applikation!
------------

)__(--)__(
KING ELITE
 PRESENTS
   ----- Building An      
        ELiTE PHiLTER -----

   King ELiTE here.  I've been working in the electronikz scene fer a long 
time now, and I know it real good.  But mostly, I like to get 0-day warez,
'n' stuff, on my kewlio board, called "The Kewlio Board For 0-day warez!"
        But anyway, one day I was peddling warez when I noticed a big 
problem!  A 4 day ware managed to find its way on to my board, and I faced
social outcast amongst my peers in the -1 day scene!  What was I to do?  I
cried, and cried, but to no avail.  The 4-day ware was still there when I
opened my eyes again!  I just didn't know what to do.  I couldn't figure out
HOW a 4-day ware could possibly get through, but I vowed never to let it
happen again.
        So was born the ELiTE PHiLTER!  By utilizing the secret SPA BBS, and
finding out what all the new warez are at midnight every night, and only
letting those through to the modem for the day, the ELiTE PHiLTER controls
the warez that come in!  It's all automatic, and very easy to build!  If you
can pick up a soldering iron, you can build this thing!  
        
        Step 1:  Trip to Radio Shack
                Go to Radio Shack, and buy all of this stuff:
L1-L6    6  Bright Red LEDs
S1,S2    2  8 ohm speakers
R1-R6    6  10k resistors
R7-R8    2  100k resistors
C1-C7    7  10 uf electrolytic capacitors
C8-C10   3  4.7 uf electrolytic capacitors
C11-C15  5  .01 uf ceramic capacitors

        Step 2:  Build This Thing!:                     TO MODEM
                                                           | |
-|+-------C1----C2----C3----C4----C5----C6----C7--S2--C10--| |-C9------|
TO WALL                                                                |       |
-|--------S1-C11-| |--R7----C12-                                       |
                 | |           |                                       |
             TO PHONELINE      |-R1-|  R2-|  R3-|  R4-|  R5-|  R6-|    R8
                                    |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |    |
                                    L1--  L2--  L3-|  L4-|  L5-|  L6--C8

        I hope the schematics aren't too hard to follow.. I don't think they
are very difficult.  Anyway, once you build it, first plug it in between the
phoneline and your modem.  When you are ready, plug it in to the wall, and as
soon as warez start coming in, it will begin working!

        Here's how it works.  When S1 beeps real loud, that means a >2 day
ware is coming in.  It will automatically cancel the ware.  When S2 beeps,
it means that good quality warez are coming down the line, and then you should
refer to L1-L6.  L1 is a -4 day ware, L2 is -3, all the way down to L6 which
is a 1 day ware when it lights up!  Easy!  
        Warning:  Only plug the device in when the computer is turned on,
to avoid problems.

        Now that you have this device, you'll never get another old ware 
again!  Have fun!
---------------

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@KewLiO BeeBeeEsses
@@@@@ Ratings 'n' Stuph By:
                Testicular Erektion[303]

  I saw that there wuz no real good BBS list for 303 that rated all the 0-day
boards, so I made my own.  Here it is.  Have phun.
        Eye won't put the numbers, coz some of them are sekret b0rds!
Ratings are in days.  The less days, the kewler!

        Phormat:

B0rd Name            Rating                 Comments!
--------- -------- --------- -------- ---------- ---------- ---------
Kewl Jungle        -10 day           This bord is way kool, w/ TradeWars
                                     Online gamez, 'n' stuph!  kall it!

Lair of The Baboon  -1 day           Great bord for discussion on how to
                                     have sex with another man.  Definately
                                     very kewl.

Forsythes Dungeon   40 day           This bord sux, and they get no good 
                                     warez anyway.  Don't call.

We Have No Warez    -5 day           This is a kewl board, with -6 day warez,
                                     and is very elite.  ALso, the fedz will
                                     never catch on, coz just from the name,
                                     you can tell there are no warez.

K00lio Bord         1 day            This fewl stole part of the name of this
                                     'zine!  Fuq him!  Haq his bord, if ewe'r
                                     a haqur, and tell him that he sucks.  
                Wait.  If you're a haqur, you shouldn't be reading this!  Go
                away!  This 'zine is only for elite Warez Tradeurz!

Mr.  Ed'z B0rd      -1 day           This is a neeto b0rd, coz mainly they
                                     have piccies of women fuqing horses.

R0C [Really Obnoxious Cripples]
                    900 day          This b0rd has no waerz, and really sux!

Ghost-Time          250 day          Eye hate this board, coz they think that
                                     they're neeto or something.  

Real Utopia         104 day          This board is okay if you like old warez.
                                     I saw my favorite TRS-80 game on here!

Warez Haven         -500 day         This board has the best warez in town,
                                     by far!  Total warez, and is elite 'n'
                                     kewl!

Well, that's version 1.0 of the really elite BBS list.  Watch for more
BBS lists in the future, so that it'll be really elite and krad.
-----------------

$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$ How to make phriends 
$$$$$ With The Police
$$$$$$$ By:  Sergent McGruff <Take A Bite Outta Warez!>

        You've probably seen many Police around somewhere before, cause they
usually hang out in places.  Anyway, they're not too nice to most people, 
cause they don't like them too much.  Especially if you're a 0-day warez
trader.  They can tell, cause of your bloodstained jeans, that you are 0-day,
so they like to harass you, and make fun of you, and yell "Hey 0-day!" and 
stuff like that.  Well, usually this would be okay, but what if you need them
to help you, like if you get stuck in a door, or can't get over to McDonalds
and need a ride one day?  This is how you can do it.
        What you have to do is be kewlio phriends with the kopz!  They'll 
help you then, and it's all for a real small deposit!  

        First, go to the bank and get $300 in 20's.  Next, get in your car.
If you don't have a car, I'll tell you how to do it without one in a few 
minutes.  Once you're in your car, start driving around town at about 100-110
miles an hour.  If your car can't go that fast, then you'll have to resort
to plan 2, which I'll show in a minute.  Anyway, soon, a cop will come to you.
What you have to do is, as he's walking up to the car, open a bottle of beer,
and hand it to him when he gets to the car.  He'll start telling you things,
but just laugh at him, and say "how 'bout if I give you THIS" and then hand
him the $300.  He'll probably be really nice to you then, cause they usually
are.
        Plan 2, on the other hand, is slightly different.  What you have to
do is, you have to walk around, or get on your bike, or if you've been an
elite kourrier for a year or more, roll around town.  When you see a kop, 
yell at him, and throw rocks at him until he comes over to you.  Once he does,
give him the bills, and then he'll be really nice to you, cause they usually
are.

        Once you have completed either plan one or plan two, you can call up
the cop any time, and yell at him, and ask him to do something for you.  For
instance, this guy wuz stealing warez from me one day, so I had the cop go
shoot him!  It was kewlio, and he even took me through the McDonalds drive
thru on the way home.  I love cops.
---------------

=================
Application for
 Membership-- 
        OWANW!
=================
        If you want to join, email this to Panther Modern and you can join.

Handle:

How old is your newest 0-day?

10/TEN! What is an aluminum can made out of?

What is your position on prostitution?

Do you have a big hard drive?

Is it full of warez?

Name the kewlist b0rd you call.

Are you wearing a pair of bloodstained jeans?

Do you use the KRAD Skreen Savour?

Do you use the ELiTE PHiLTER?

What position are you applying for?  (Krakeur, Kourrier, etc)

Why are you applying to OWANW!?


        -- Mail Completed to Panther Modern.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
        W0w.  aNoTH3r iSSu3 PhiNiSHeD.  WHaT WiLl DaH' N3iGHb0Rz SaY?  HeLLo.
                K0nTRiBUt3 T0 KRAD.  B3 eLiT3.  
W3 Ar3 DaH B3St.  K00LiO.  iPH eW3 WaNT T0 JoiN KRaD or OWANW!, D3n' SeND SuM
M4iL t0 PaNTH3r M0D3rN oN KeWl B0rDz.

                        -- Panther Modern
                                Editor of Editors
