-----(y0lk number 24)--------------------------------------------------------

    """"""$                                                  .   ~~~~~$
 $        $sss  s$    $$$                                            s$ssss
 "$      $$    $$$    $.$  s$$$$$$s  $$$        $$$    $$$   $s       "
    .   $"     $.$    $:$ $$$"  "$$$ $$$        $$$    :$$  s$"
               $:$    $:$ $$$    $I$ $$I        $$I    |$$               $
$sssss  ss  ss $I$  ss$|$ $$.  ss$|$ $$|sss    s$$|  ssI$$ss  sssss    ss$ ss
$              $$$.  ,$I$ $$:    $:$ $$:        $$:    $$$    .          $
               """"""ý$$$ $$|    $ú$ :$.  . $$$ $$$.  ,$$"               :
    "$"""""           $$$ $$I    $$$ $$$    $$$ $$$ý"""""   .     ss$s
     $         $$$   ,$$$ $$$.  ,$$$ $$$.  ,$$$ $$$    $$$               .
     .         "$$$$$$$$" "$$$$$$$$" "$$$$$$$$" $$$    $$$    bl(blade)

-----(by, belial)------------------------------------------------------------

                           'group masturbation'

        Welcome to my second ever issue of y0lk. This issue is titled 'Group
Masturbation'. I don't know why, but hell, it sounds controversial. So live
with it.

        In this issue I am going to discuss many a great way to masturbate.
Just because the title says 'group' doesn't mean I will be discussing -only-
group masturbation. I will also explain some techniques in self masturbation,
family masturbation, animal masturbation, computer masturbation, school
masturbation, etc...

::disclaimer::

        I could care less.

-----(group one)-------------------------------------------------------------

        First we will begin with setting...

        You are in your room. The lights are out and the radio is on, but not
too loud. You don't want to wake up your parents and have them come barging
in on you. You have your sega all hooked up and your in the middle of a fly
game of NHL93. In the dim light of the tv screen, you see a couple of open
porn magazines sprawled out on the bed. It has been a boring night, but your
not tired yet.

        Alright the setting is done. Now we move on...

        Silently walk into the bathroom and open the cabinet that contains
the petroleum jelly, or more commonly known as, vaseline. Stick in in your
ultra stealth backpack and head to where your pops, or parental guidance
unit, keeps his/her tools. Pick up the hand drill, stick it in your bag and
go back to your room. Lock the door, there will be absolutely NO explaining
to anyone what you are doing, if you happen to get cought.

        Alright. Take out the drill and gauge a hole in the television set.
Size it accordingly. Next rub some vasoline into the hole. Get it all slicked
up. Don't forget to remove shavings.

        Now strip down. Get butt naked. Throw your clothes into the corner of
your room, it doesn't matter really. Next take the vasoline and slick up your
peepee. Lubricate it good.

        Now for the fun...

        Ok, so far you have a hole in the tv set and your pecker is all
coated. Don't worry about condom, you won't need one. (hell, if the tv has
babies, who the hell is complaining!)

        Alright, walk up to the tv. Take your time, your in no hurry. Now
stick it in the hole. Yes, do it. Ram the hell out of the tv. Your not going
to hurt it. In. Out. In. Out. So on and so forth.

        Spit inside the tv. Your orgasm combined with the shock of getting
electricuted will be one you will -never ever ever- forget. It will rule.
Don't mention this to your friends, they won't understand. They will think
you are kinda weird and most likely won't be your friends anymore.

-----(group two)-------------------------------------------------------------

        Again lets get to the setting...

        You are in a cramped room with a bunch of chicks. You just finished
watching a porno. Fuck it, your on your own dude.

-----(group three)-----------------------------------------------------------

        Setting...

        You are alone with some fat chick. She is about 50 - 60 years old.
She has black curly hair that is pretty long. She is eating some stuff, you
have no clue what it is. You don't know why you are here, but you plan on
making the best of it.

        Its been a long time since you masturbated, and you don't know when
you'll be away from this place. Look at the chick, then touch your peepee.
When she takes off her shirt, take off your pants. Let some drool run out of
your mouth as you watch the woman fondle her enormous tits. Whip out your
dick and start beating the living fuck out of it.

-----(uhm, this sux)---------------------------------------------------------

        I am sick of talking about masturbation. What the hell is wrong with
me anyway, did you read that shit, it was sick. Fucking a television set.
Beating up your dick with a fat lady fondling her giant fat lady tits. Nope.
I'm done with that.

-----(good)------------------------------------------------------------------

        What else. Movies.

        Alright I saw three movies in the last few days. Ok, the first one
was 'Dazed and Confused'.

        Seniors in high school beat the hell out of freshman students with
sinister weapons called things such as 'the soul poll'. Later on the seniors
take the freshman kids and get them drunk at parties and such. Everyone is
stoned and drunk. Very funny and worth while movie. No plot but who needs
one.

        Next I saw 'Cheech And Chong'. The second one, I don't remember the
name. With the exception of a few parts, this movie was funny and it sucked.
Watch it if you want, don't rush out to get it tho.

        Then move recently I saw the movie 'Mallrats'. This movie was funny
and it had a very nice plot. Go see this movie, it ruled. It is worth the
money it costs to get in. Well, I didn't pay to see it, but I am guessing
that it is.

-----(duh!@)-----------------------------------------------------------------

        Hail Ming.

-----(don't we all)----------------------------------------------------------

        Well, I had a chat with one of my users the other day. I lost the
print out I had of it. But, I'll let you in on the gist of it.

        It began with a few killer instinct questions, no biggie. Then he
asked me if I had any fax applications for windows. Still nothing much. I
told him I didn't have barely any warez on my board. I only have some lame
bbs shit on the board, the rest is art and txt files. Anyway, after I told
him that, and this is why I am telling you. After that he said to me.

        Forget it, everything is lame. Screw this. I'm a wittle wittle smurf.
Look at me, I'm blue. La la lalala la la lala.

-----(god help me!@)---------------------------------------------------------

        I'm afraid to say it but this issue has got to be more retarded and
stupid than the first y0lk I did. Oh well. Life is a horse shoe. Sometimes
you get a ringer, sometimes you totally don't.

        ta ta. Sing along. Put your hands in the air like you just don't
care.

HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!HEREWEGOYO!

        so whats, so whats the senario.

        I don't know. Who gives a shit, just shut the fuck up asshole!@

        ok. bye.

-----(approval from god)-----------------------------------------------------

        ew, ugh... that was just disgusting.  and i'm suing you for that big
shock i got and that fat bitch beating the shit out of me.            -creed

-----(shephard's note)-------------------------------------------------------

        ahahhahsdhfahsdfhhasdhfahsdhfahsfahsdhfas.. that first `situation'
was the funniest thing i've ever read on the computer in my entire life. i
swear to god, i laughed so hard.. oh my god that was so funny.

-----(index time)------------------------------------------------------------

.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                        $ creed  $
$ 02 $ several k-elite hax0rs sitting around a campfire and groove $ creed  $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.               $ creed  $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin          $ creed  $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                      $ creed  $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                    $ hooch  $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                 $ creed  $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?              $ hooch  $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                            $ creed  $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                         $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview              $ hooch  $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]        $ hooch  $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@             $ hooch  $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                             $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                  $ creed  $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina      $ creed  $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                             $ hooch  $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                    $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                    $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene      $ cd/h0  $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                            $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                   $ creed  $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                      $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                          $ belial $
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'
