        %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
        %%%%%%%%%'`'`'%%%%%%%%'      `%%%%%%%'     `"""`     `%%%%%%%
        %%%%%%%%: $SM. :%%%%%: $$$$Sszn. `%'.s$$$$$$sss$$$$$$s.`%%%%%
        %%%%%%%%: $$$: :%%%%%: $$$ ... `'$s. `$S' . $$$   `$S'.%%%%%% 
        %%%%%%%%: $$$' :%%%%%: $$$ %%%%% $$'  `'.%% $$$    .;%%%%%%%%
        %%%%%%%%: $$$ :%%%%%%: $$$ %%%%% $.# %%%%%% $$. %%%%%%%%%%%%% 
        %%%%%%%%: $$. :%%%%%%: $$. %%%%% .## %%%%%% $.# %%%%%%%%%%%%%
        ========= $.# ======== $.# ===== ### ====== .## =============
                  .##          .##       ###        ###             
                  ###    .###  ###     .##M"        ###              
                  ###s.   ###  ### .mM####          ###               
                  ########### #########"~'          ##`              
                  ##M"~    `"  ##'                 #'              
                  l   o  n  g  d  a  r  k  t  u  n  n  e  l
                                productions


#098 - [ Bus ]
       [ n0soul ]

Have you ever wonder how neat it would be to own a bus ?
well if you have i have got the next best solution and best of all it will
cost you very little, or if you are lucky enough it will cost nothing.

What you will need
-------------------
1 red dress with white poka-dots
1 plastic doll (replica baby)
1 wig
1 pram (a real one)
1 screw driver
1 pair of glasses the cover alot of your face (optional)
1 pair of white wommens gloves (like the ones they wore in the fifties)

you can pick most of this stuff up at a second hand shop for a reasonable
price or trade in for old junk the you were going to chuck out.

once you have gathered the essential equipment put the dress and wig on and
the doll in the pram. take the pram to a bus stop the you dont often use (at
a time of day when no one will be on the bus (normally early morning or late
at night) when the bus pulls up grab the doll and hold it like a real baby,
and talk baby talk to it (the bus driver must think that you think that the
doll is a real baby + you can plead insanity later incase you get caught) pay
the bus driver and ask him to hock the pram onto the buses pram hooks. When
he gets off the bus it is time to strike, jump into the almighty bus drivers
control chair and hit the red button to your right (close door button) and
get ready to keep pressing it incase he trys to open it from the out-side,
the keys will be in and the bus will be running, just chuck it into first and
hit the gas.

What to do once you have stolen the bus
----------------------------------------
there are millions of things to do with a stolen bus, 

1. Just sit back and enjoy the GOD-LIKE feeling of being a bus driver ;)

2. steal the bus tickets and log books ( dont steal the money thats, not nice)

3. use the screw driver from the equipment list to steal the CV radio ^_^
   (stop the bus and stash it. so if you do get caught you can go and get it
   later)

4. pretend you are a real bus driver and find some people to pick up
   (dont charge them fare, or be offended when it turns out that people dont
   want a ride from a CV stealing bus driving man in a dress ;)

5. joy ride that fucker until it blows (go pick up everybody you know first)

What to do if you get caught
----------------------------
hopefully your disguise was good enough so that you dont get caught but there
is always a chance so i will try and guide you i escaping jail time

there are 2 situations in being caught 

1. being caught driving the bus
2. the police busting into your house (with guns drawn and beating you with
   their knight sticks until your skull is sort of soft) and arresting you.

situation 1. grab the doll and still pretend it is real and go in calmly but
             get hysterical if the doll is taken away (the main point of this
             is so if your lawyer is shit you can represent your self and
             pleed insanity)

situation 2. is the same, go back to your normal life and play with your new
             CV radio but keep the doll around the house so you can grab it
             and be crazy in frount of the cops/witnesses

thats about all the help i can offer sorry. but i think you will get off with
either a fine or just get put into a ward for a few months, chances are you
really are crazy if you do follow this file to steal a bus.

FAQ:

Q:Why dont you just get a weapon and steal the bus by force
A:it is a peace full way and if you get caught punishment will be alot lighter
and it could be a funny story to tell your kids (even though you will never
find a girl to have any)

Credits
-------
ME ME ME!!!! for taking time out of my busy schedule to write this file, and
anyone else who wants credit (not likely :))






"Why Does the universe go to so much trouble just to exist" Stephen Hawking


                                                                 n0_soul
                                                               
/-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-\
      Long Dark Tunnel 2002. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com 
\-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-/
