struggle wif the giant pink elephant.

by, lucifer!@

I sit back and watch tv.  I am looking at the nordic (tm) rider, on
channel 17.  Since i am such a fat load, I decide to invest in the
nordic track rider.

I sit back once again.  This time, with the phone in my hand.  I
dail the toll free number, is it hacked or legit?  The lady answers the
phone.

" nordic track rider line, extension #2, may I help you? "

" Yes, Id like to order a nordic track rider. "

" Give me your k0dez sir. "

" Uhm, here you are mam. ", I spit out my Mastercard number.

" Expect the package in 10 or less working days sir, thank you for calling. "

" Bye. "


I sit back, yes again,  but this time it is different.  I sleep.
I dream of this giant pink elephant.  God only knows what it means, I
struggle with the dream for the next 10 days.

10 days go by.

I get up, wow, this time im not sitting back.  I walk to the front door,
I notice a giant brown package, I carry it into the living room.  The
package is unusually heavy, I think to myself,

" damn. the nordic track rider on tv is supposed to be small enough to
fit under a bed, and light enough to carry to a friends house. "

" hmmmm.... "

I sit back.  I look at the large brown box, sitting in the middle of the
room,  I feel the suspense gripping my lower abdominal muscles,

" Time to work out. ", I think to myself.

I get up, and waddle my fat ass over to the large brown box.  I glance at it
once more, then decide to rip it open.

I rip it open,  inside i expected to find my nordic track rider(tm). I don't.
Instead of my Rider, I discover that there is a Giant pink elephant inside
the box.  I scream in sheer terror, only because the fact that pink elephants
dont exist.

I black out, i dont know what happened, but i believe that the pink elephant
stamped on my head, or hit me with its large nose.  But, thats besides the
point.  I also wonder why my left leg is wet.

I try to move, but i can't.  I am tied to the chair I have laid back in all
my life.

I try to scream, but my mouth is gagged.  I see a pink elephant standing
over me,  I see a foot rise above my head.  The foot smashes down.

I feel pain. I feel pain once again.

The zookeeper stirs up all the elephants, the purple ones first, and the
pink one last.

The pink elephant wakes up to the zookeepers pounding on the cage, shivers,
and thinks to himself,

" geez, those humans are wierd and scary! "

--(comment)--------------------------------------------------------------------

        gee, uhm, wow.  i can only wonder what lucifer was thinking when he
wrote this.

--(index n' stuff)-------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.

email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me.  yep.

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /pub/ftp/phorce/y0lk
