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        .d""b.                impulse reality press no. 195
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     $$ $$                               "lesson"
     $$ $$                           written by mayco
     $$ $$                           released 5/27/02
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Monday 6:59 AM

My mother comes gate-crashing into my room, saying sorry dear we are late, 
come on UP!  just 6 hours sleep and i gotta go to fucking school, i've ben 
doing this for years now and i honsetly dont think i can uphold it for much 
longer.


7:30 Arrive at school

Late?  about 1 hour early actually.  This is about the only time during 
school where i can actually think, where i can actually have some time to 
myself, without puting on a face to all my friends and to any one who happens
to glance at me.


7:55 First early birds

I hear the riant of a group of girls that tend to get hear at 8:00, infact 
they get here at 8:00 every day.  Why are they so early?  it starts to get me
nervous, maybe they are getting here extra early to speak to me for five 
minutes? As they walk nearer to my class my heart starts to pound, perhaps 
they do want to speak to me.  What will i say?  Closer still.  My hands now
sweat along with my armpits and back.  They are now 5 cm from my door.  I 
start to shake partly because of nerves and partly because of the sweat 
cooling on my body.  They walk straight past.  Fucking hell!  i got worked up
for nothing, i was so stupid.


8:30  Every one arrives

It's now registration, every one is talking, i have noticed that every one's
conversations are about them selves.  every one is bull shitting.  Me?  i 
have a friend we dont talk often.  We just sit and read each others thoughts.
you get a better conversation that way and no one is there to hear what your 
saying.  His name is Dave.


8:45  1st Lesson

ICT.  How i hate this lesson.  Surley the teachers are supposed to teach the
students?  Fuck this for a laugh, i'm off to the toilets all lesson, not like
any one of these people will notice.  It's almost as if every year i lose a 
bit of my body.  A limb perhaps?  it's been 6 years.  i'm running out of 
limbs.  people dont see me so good.


9:45  2nd Lesson

Maths. do people not realise the way forward in this world is computers?  
Then surley they must realise that we will never need to know or understand
maths when we have computers to do it all for us.  true they will take over 
and kill us all.  but it's only what we diserve.


11:05 3rd Lesson

Games.  This is where i am at my all time low.  We play rugby.  and i am a 
prime target.  the weaker member of the pack.  the nerd, limbless, pointless,
pathetic twat that they can push over to impress their so called girl 
friends.  This lesson hurts, mentally and phisically.  Infact the pain is
emence.  The teachers laugh at me.  dont worry though.  i'll soon kill them 
all.


12:05 4th Lesson

Music.  This lesson i will not attend.  i shall stay behind the block and 
smash glass.  Oh how i love the sound of glass smashing.  Just like i love 
the sound of rain.  i kept smashing.  it felt better!  again!  i was in 
ecstasy!  AND AGAIN!  FUCKING NIRVANA!!  People started looking, ironic.  
The only time i dont want people noticeing me they all stare.  A man 
approaches me.  I smash more glass and let my ear follow it to the ground, i 
wanted to hear each single fragment ricochet of the gravel.  a few hit me and
caused me to bleed. i started to cry.  and then scream.  the man walked away.


2:00

Now with the right side of my face bleeding down me i walk into a class and
say "look"  no one seems to respond.  "LOOK!" no differnce in their 
expressions.  "FUCKING LOOK AT ME DICK HEADS!"  i fall to the ground.  it 
truns out more than a few fragments hit my face.  I was loosing blood.  My 
friend walks past.  he looked at me.  he raised an eybrow. "Pathetic".  and 
then he walked off.  i screamed at every one again.  i was in so much pain!
no one gave a shit.  Why couldnt they see me?  


3:00

every one has gone home, i'm lying on the floor.  i have a migrane.  i start 
screaming for a chisel to release the preassure.  but to my supprise a little
girl comes up to me.  She must have been about five.  she looked at me.  She
could see me!  i asked her to call some one for help.  She carried on looking
at me, i wanted to say something to her but didnt have the energy.  she put 
her hand against my head and plunged her sticky little fingers into my 
wounds.  then the  school blew up, and santa told me to fuck off.

Merry fucking Christmas. 

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