
                  ____
                /'    `\ __
                \      /'  `\_______ ________ _______ ______
                 )    (      \    _ `\       `\      `\    (`\
                /             )  _____)\   \   )   -   )      )
               (_____________/_______/__)___)_/_______/__)___/h8

                            lemon magazine issue #2

                       "women voting?!  come on, i mean,
                            welcome to planet mars!"

                                 in this issue
                   'non-scene' parts of internet  lemon bars
                 billy's adventures in the french quarter pt.2

::[obsidian's editorial]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

w00p.  we're back with another issue.  'HE MADE ANOTHER ONE?!?!'  this would've
been out quicker, except that I had about three straight weeks of marching band
camp during which basically all of my time was gone.  then i left for a week on
vacation.  anyway, like you care.

now about chat boards.  actually, it's kinda a cool idea, just because i can
telnet to boards far away and chat with people for the price of a local call,
but it still kinda sucks.  the first reason is sucks is that most of these
boards run mbbs.  what's with that, eh?  the other thing is, how pathetic are
we if we're sitting on chat boards for hours on end talking drooling on our
keyboards.  oh, well, i suppose it's no more pathetic than those who spend all
that time on irc, so i guess i'll be quiet now.

oh yeah.  thanks to hal08 for making lemon logos.  eye wub joo.  lets get
together sometime and make pancakes...or waffles.

::[juke's...uh...]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

juke sez he would've written something, except he was at art camp learning how
to be effeminate.  nice excuse.

::[other parts of internet]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i keep notice people talking about how boring internet is getting, and so
lately i've been asking them what areas they usually visit on the net, and the
answers I get scare me...most people are only using the 'scene' areas...the ftp
sites, the irc channels and web pages affiliated with the scene in some way or
another.  this is really sad.  about how much of the internet does this
material account for?  i honestly can't say for sure, but i'm sure it's a mere
fraction.  as we all know, the internet is so huge, and there really is a lot
out there to do that has nothing to do with the scene.  so i'd like to cover
these parts of the net, little by little, in the issue and in future issues.

on irc, besides the usual scene channels (ie #ansi, #ascii, #zines, #trax,
#coders, #acid, #ice, etc), there are plenty of other channels that are not
only more active, but sometimes more fun.  here's a few:

 #france - ippy and i were on #zines one night, and there wasn't much going on,
           so we both joined this channel.  we learned a lot of 'useful' french
           that night, and i ended up getting banned. lots of fun.

 #anime! - if you like anime (who doesn't?!) then join this channel.  lots
           of good discussion, and people offer files fairly often, but not
           constantly like in #ansi. ^_^

 #vampyres/#vampires - these people claim to be vampires.

on the web, if you haven't already, check out the list of internet accessible
coke machines.  i don't have the address right here, so just search for it.

more next month...if you know of anything that should be put in here, mail me.

::[billy's adventures]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

previously, billy has been been interrupted from a conversation with this
really cool chick and dragged off to an unplanned meeting with Monsieur
Bordeaux.

*!*

     "Listen kid, you can either cough up the money your brother owes me or
else my friend here is going to kill you, and then," Bordeaux paused, "ta
petite amie out there, too."
     Billy squirmed madly as his mind raced.  He tried to think of someway,
something he could do to improve his situation and maybe get out of this alive
and with all the money in his pocket.  But he couldn't, cuz he's dumb.
    "Pfft.  You're not gonna kill me," Billy said defiantly, staring coldy into
Bordeaux eyes, "how else are you gonna collect?"
    "I don't have time for this.  Waste him," he said as he turned around.  As
the bulky bodyguard tightened his grip on the gun and prepared to squeeze,
Billy, in what must have been a combination of adrenaline and a sudden rush of
insanity broke free and knocked the gun out of the man's hand.  Bordeaux spun
around has he heard the pistol hit the floor and drew his own gun.  Billy dove
to the floor as two shots were fired and one of the guards fell to the floor
next to him.  He grabbed the gun as quickly as he could before rolling under
the table.  Billy heard one more shot fire before he squeezed the trigger and
put six bullets through the table and into Monsieur Bordeaux.
     Billy relaxed underneath the table for a brief second.  Then he heard the
man's body collapse dead onto the table, snapping his mind back to reality.
He darted out of the room and grabbed Anne by the arm and dragged her out the
door.  Now he had let his gatt explode, and now switched his mind back into
freak mode.  Then um...yeah.

*!*

i'm sorry.  i have to admit, this story bites, and i didn't want to finish it.
i probably shouldn't have, but i felt like i should.  so that was the poorly
written cheezy conclusion to a story which never should've been written. oh
well.  ok, now have some lemon bars.  they rock my world.

::[lemon bars]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

awwwww yeah.  here it is.  from my mom's kitchen.  the g0d of desserts.

preparation time: 25 min.
set your oven to 350 degrees.

joo need:
 1 3/4 cup flour
 1 cup _real_ butter  (nO mArGeRiNe!)
 1/2 cup powdered sugar
 1 teaspoon salt

directions:
 mix w/ fork, then press the mixture into a 9x13 inch pan.
 bake in 350 degree oven - _NOT_TO_BROWN_, while in oven beat:

      4 eggs, 4 tablespoons of flour, 4 tablespoons/2 lemons (juice)
      2 cups sugar, and a pinch of salt
      (mix this stuff up)

 pour over hot crust.  bake 25 min in 350 degree oven.

::[response to lemon]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i would have a lot more to say, except that it's been a really long time since
people's initial responses to lemon, and i've more or less forgotten about it,
so i'm going to briefly just mention a couple things.
i wasn't expecting people to drool all over lemon.  i wasn't expecting huge
numbers of people to just love it.  i didn't even want that.

what kinda pissed me off though was that lemon was billed only as a cheap pEz
ripoff.  one particularly enlightened person even said 'oh well, i guess good
zines spawn shitty ones.'  thanks, man.  jamesy even took time to rate lemon
on the lame-o-meter scale, where we scored a simply amazing score, coming in
just above gasp.

i suppose people read it, perhaps even expecting it to be like pez, and then
found themselves disappointed because it wasn't.  nope, lemon's not pez.  it
wasn't supposed to be, and it's not now.  as lemon continues to come out,
perhaps people will see that.  i hope so.

i don't really have anything else to say about it.

on a related topic, sorry to all the people who were quoted in the last issue
without being checked with first.  it was an oversight, and i sincerely
apologize.  so, i have checked with my dealer, sam, and he has assured me that
anyone who was damaged by the irc quotes can now be compensated.  mail me for
details.

::[misc info]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

to reach obsidian:
  email: danderso@cube.ice.net
  irc: obsidian on #zines (make sure it's me...do a /whois)

to get the latest lemons:
  the repented gimcrackery  309 452 5639  14.4k  op: juke
   (tha phatest art/zine board for miles)

::[eof]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
