Issue 0006: "The gentle art of spamming"             The Internet Sux
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The internet has brought us many things.
Some good. Some bad and some Wonderful!
One of those Wonderful things is spamming!

		Imagine, sending out your message, no matter
		how inane to thousands of people so dumb and
		ignorant of the media that they are forced
		to read!

	Well IMAGINE NO MORE! The future is here, now!

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Spam.

 You've heard of it. You've even seen it in grocery stores. Ads
 hanging from every wall and banister trying to get you to spend
 just a little bit more of your money. If only, yes if only, you
 could put that kind of power to work for you. Well you can. It
 doesn't matter if your goal is to sell the new whisper3000 self
 cleaning toilet cover or to harvest children for your colony, the
 Internet is here for you!

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First.

 Well now that you know the Net is yours to do with as you please
 you need a bit more info on what is and what isn't spam. Spam, or
 helpful information as some call it, is when you send a message
 to many email addresses or to many newsgroups at once. This is
 actually quite trivial to do. First off give a call to this phone
 number: 215/628.9780 and ask for help on spamming the net until
 Kibo dies. Really thats it. That simple step will get your email
 sent to hundreds of thousands of potential victims. I thought that
 maybe I would have included a long rant here on the merits of
 various spam kings but really, what's the point? CyberPromo is the
 best. 

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Flame.

 Okay if you've sent out your rant you have no doubt gotten many a
 flame now. Many. Many a flame. How do you deal with such? Well there
 are a couple of methods:

1) Claim ignorance. "I didn't know this newsgroup wasn't for talking
   about building your own clam farm!!!! IM SORRY!!" or "I thought
   even militant feminists would be interested in young sexy teen-age
   cheerleaders! Guess I won't do you guys any more favours!!!"
2) Claim hacked. "Someone /HIJACKED/HACKED/COMPROMISED/ my account
   and used it to spam you guys!!!! IM SORRY!!!!!"
3) Ignore flames. Simply ignore the flames and filter them out to
   /dev/null... of course these could be future customers!
4) Flame back. "THE INTERNET IS FREE AND I AM USING FREE SPEECH SO
   LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FASCIST COMMUNIST PINKOS!!!! IF I WANT TO SELL
   THE MAGNADUSTER 87K HERE THEN I WILL!!!!! FUCK IU!!!@#!@#"

 All methods get about the same result. Choose the one that best
 effects your Karma.

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Down.

 Depression set in? from your horrible spamming? Just recall these
 little tidbits of wisdom from CyberPromo themselves:
 (http://www.cyberpromo.com/)

   "SPAMford and SON" say: "One man's junk is another man's treasure."
                         
   "SON of SPAM" says: "Sending an email advertisement isn't first degree
    murder!"

    SPAMford says:
    > "If you burn down our house,
    > we will build a new castle" 
 
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this space reserved for a limited edition of tis.0006 in which LUK3
will be seen battling John Tesh to the death tentatively called
"Chords of Love and Destruction".

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The Internet Sux (0006)                   (c) 1997 y (juuri@well.com)
All references URLs are (c) their respective authors, or something.
