
			  a generic y0lk file
			  -------------------

 by, the g-mack supreme funkmaster of all that is glorious in the information
     great cyberspace coaster pan-galactic what the hell e'zine subculture
     of stupidity.  awww yeah.  oh.  this is mogel.


 +---[ intro ]--------------------------------------------------------------+

	hi.

 +---[ that wasn't funny ]--------------------------------------------------+

	 i forgot to flush
	 =================
	       
		by - mogel

 i forgot to flush.
 maybe i will be yelled at by my mom.
 maybe i will be yelled at by my sister.
 maybe i will be ransacked by a horde of homosexual truck drivers.
 damn.

 +---[ some captures! ]-----------------------------------------------------+

 date: 95-09-04 (11:36)
 to  : eerie
 from: the nucking futso
 subj: Re: alternative

 e> _be unconformist! listen to polka!_

 and then it goes top40 so people complain about their favorite polka bands
 going mainstream... then there will be a polka rebel that puts out an album
 called "the downward tuba" and he dresses in leather.... the favorite song
 by the polka heads goes something like "i wanna polka like an animal"

 +---[ more captures! ]-----------------------------------------------------+

 from: ronmyers@ix.netcom.com (ronald w. myers)
 newsgroups: alt.christnet, alt.christnet.christianlife, alt.fan.jesus-christ
 subject: you are special
 date: 14 sep 1995 04:16:02 gmt
 organization: netcom
 lines: 24

	you are special.................

	there's no one else quite like you.  you're special in his sight.
	think not that you're beyond his love.  it simply isn't right.
	no matter what you've said or done,  he's faithful to forgive.
	with jesus you can start again, a brand new life to live.

	though the world esteems you not, for you god has a plan.
	he'll turn your circumstance for good, for he's the great i am.
	he's at his best when we are weak.  his will can't be denied.
	he'll lift you up despite the world.  our god is glorified.

	talk with him today, and you will find he understands.
	you'll find your burdens lighter when your life is in his hands.
	trust him and believe he died to free us from our chains.
	he forgives us and forgets our past. no trace of sin remains.

 - ron myers (ronmyers@ix.netcom.com)

 +---[ the real article ]--------------------------------------------------+

	i am black.  my soul is dark.  i feel pain.  i am pain.  i hate my
parents. ////asdmad,sdsasad     asd
		  asdad    sdasd   s
	kjdad#$RJfj      jkl        dsdasdsadggmhjjjhjg
	   tu      fjf  f   n,  dxf
qastT$#%gdu  jfgj     jj      mv  fhghgh
		f
fjqq             fsfsfdffsf

	HELLO.  MY NAME IS WEINER.  I AM A RANDOM E'ZINE GROUPIE THAT BROKE
 INTO MOGEL'S APARTMENT, & BEAT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A 60 POUND COPY OF A
 UNIX MANUAL.  BTW - MOGEL ISN'T AS TALL AS YOU WOULD THINK!  HE SURE IS
 CUTE, THOUGH.  IF I WERE GAY, I'D BE ALL OVER HIS ASS 24/7.  HAHAHA .. YEAH.

	ANYHOW, I HAVE SUBDUED & TAKEN OVER MOGEL'S COMPUTER IN AN EFFORT TO
 WARN ALL OF THE E'ZINE POPULATION OUT THERE THAT TROUBLE IS COMING, IN A
 BIG WAY!

	I WAS SITTING AT MY MOM'S COMPUTER (I DON'T HAVE MY OWN YET.  HEY,
 I'M A LOWLY E'ZINE GEEK.  FUCK YOU.  I'M WRITING ARTICLES FOR RAD *&* SLINKY
 SO I'LL BE ON TOP OF THE WORLD PRETTY SOON!  SO, ANYHOW, I WAS MINDING MY
 OWN BUSINESS, IDLING ON #ZINES, EATING MY RAMEN SOUP (MOGEL'S FAVORITE FOOD,
 BTW!  MOGEL!  MOGEL!  I LOVE HIM!  AHH.), WHEN A HAD A LETTER APPEAR ON MY
 SCREEN FROM SOME FAR AWAY PLACE.  IT WAS LIKE AN EPISODE OF X-FILES OR
 SOMETHING THAT ALL THE GUYS IN THE COMPUTER LAB AT SCHOOL WATCH.

	HERE IS WHAT APPEARED ON MY COMPUTER :

 +-----+

	hello, weiner.  i am peewee.  the official mascot of y0lk.  only,
 creed doesn't know it until NOW.

	i am a baby chicken.  i almost _BECAME_ a y0lk - & now i am speaking
 out against humanity.  i'm a chicken & i've got angst, asshole!

	by the time you read y0lk issue #100, the human race might be dead.

	this is a warning.  if i were YOU people i would pack my bags & find
 another planet, 'cause us chickens are taking over PRONTO - & don't think we
 won't do it!

	this is your final warning.  leave planet earth before y0lk #100 is
 released, or it will mean certain death.

 +-----+

	HOLY COW.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT!  I PEED MYSELF FIVE TIMES & SPENT
 THE NEXT TWENTY DAYS BEGGING BLACK FRANCIS FOR MOGEL'S ADDRESS SO I COULD
 GET TO HIS PLACE & RELAY THIS MESSAGE TO ALL OF YOU PEOPLE.  THIS LOOKS LIKE
 IT'LL GO OUT TO Y0LK, SO I'D BETTER GET ON #ZINES & PRETEND TO BE MOGEL SO
 THAT CREED WILL RELEASE THIS & GET THE WORD OUT.  EVERYONE KNOWS CREED NEVER
 READS THE SUBMISSIONS ANYHOW, SO I'M SAFE!

	AS LONG AS I'M HERE, GREETS TO CREED & PHORCE & IDEAL & HOOCH & BIG
 HURT & MERCURI & HANDLE & TRIP & BEDLAM & POOTS & JUKE & LUMPY & LUCIFER &
 MUTTER & ESPECIALLY BELIAL!  WOOT!  YOUR MASTURBATION FILE ROCKED MY ASS!
 LITERALLY!  & I LOVE DTO!  WOOT!  I FEER!  OK, THIS IS WEINER, PEACE OUT.
 THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME YOU GUYS EVER SEE ME _ALIVE_!

	HOPEFULLY CREED WILL INVESTIGATE THIS HORRIBLE THREAT TO THE 
E'ZINE WORLD.

	BYE.

 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+  

--(index)-------------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $                            title                           $ author  $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road?                        $ insane  $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern                                          $ mutter  $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself                          $ creed   $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two                     $ creed   $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed   $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta)                             $ creed   $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles             $ ideal   $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays                                          $ phorce  $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..."                                   $ mutter  $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding.                  $ traq    $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants                                         $ rage    $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone                                           $ ideal   $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle  $ 
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother                                $ sphrog  $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky                                $ jamesy  $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears                   $ murmur  $
$ 77 $ horror story                                               $ oeb     $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re                                                  $ s.sheep $      $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant                                              $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger                                         $ tao     $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600                                      $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist     $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file                                        $ mogel   $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed.  <HEIL!#  HEIL!#>

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk

or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373.  k-rad.

*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet.  type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.

_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!#  join the y0lk mailing list!#  chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!#  email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.

don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up?  it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this.  what a bunch of losers we are.

