-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum
URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/
Issue# 77 : Smeg
28th June 2002
Author: Steak
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know where this addendum is going...its just going. I think I 
better make that clear *before* is start writing it.

It could be going down the road, it could be going up the hill or two the 
sky to fly with Lucy and all those diamonds. I just don't know so don't 
ask me, and don't send me emails explaining to me that you wish you know 
where this issue is going, because it is not really going 
anywhere, just there. There

Coffee, I need coffee, before the tiredness gets too much to handle and I 
cannot write anymore. But is coffee really the answer? I may lose track of 
what I want to write about by the time I get back. TO leave and take the 
gamble, or not. I will 

What is the point of living, why do we live? what’s the point we only die 
one day. Maybe all this advanced knowledge and evolutionary shit is a 
hindering as much as it is a blessing. Maybe we have evolved too far. 
Maybe we were never meant to ponder about the universe, its beginnings 

and its endings and its nature. Maybe, maybe. Maybe now that we as a race 
are so intelligent we know that there is no point to thinking about this 
kind of thing. Maybe

Maybe the universe is cyclic, maybe the universe goes through a thousand 
billion year cycle, expands then contracts and then does it all over 
again just for kicks over and over again for eternity, or until something 
else just as mind boggling useless comes along. Then will I be in the next 
universe, will time start again, will it be the same time, or another time? 
If I am in the next universe will I still be the same as I am today, how 
many times have I been born, have I lived and have I been destroyed? How 
many times have I written this? If I am in the next universe, presuming 
there is one, will I be asking as many questions? Probably.

Maybe in the next universe I will be a football loving, mussel full, 
macho jock. Maybe I will be dead, maybe I would never have been born in 
the first place. Who can say.

Bugger it all, what’s the point in asking so many thought provoking 
questions? Why bother, I am never going to find the answer to all of this. 

Phoenix thinks that thinking this way is the coward’s way out. Maybe it 
is, maybe I should just be content with the fact that I am here just to 
procreate and make more of me. Maybe, I should just go out now and fuck 
as many women as possible just to get my self into any possible gene 
pool.

But this is wrong. I cannot do this, neither do I want to, because I have 
morals and concerns, how would Kim feel if I went and fucked everyone, 
she would hate me, how could I live with myself after this? Will these 
feelings jepodise my immortality on this earth?

Who cares, not me. If I procreate, great, if I don't by the time I have 
any chance to think about it I'm not going to care about it anymore, or 
anything else for that matter really.

So I try as best I can to fill in the time between now and the time that 
I die by doing as many different, unique and interesting things, like 
writing, socialising, learning, going to school and other things.

Tonight I’ve been trying to achieve a higher state of consciousness by 
listening to pink floyd's album "dark side of the moon", over and over 
again, time after time. It hasn't worked very well but the music is good 
at least. 

I’ve always been mad, I know I’ve been mad....happens to be one of my 
favourite quotes from the album 

Among other things I have been looking back on my life tonight. Something 
that can be quite dangerous if not conducted in an adult and mature manner. 

To help with this I have been looking at my old postings from newsgroups, 
I’m not proud. I will never become thing I hate the most because I have 
already been it, a newbie. I have re-read these old posts from 1996 and 
I sound like an idiot. And I don't like it. I wish I hadn’t wrote 
anything. And my signature file sucked. All in all I am really not proud.

The track changes on dark side of the moon are very subtle, I like 
them very much, yes I do.

I can get very depressed thinking in spirals like this, at least I can 
sometimes. not tonight though for some reason, I’m just actually 
interested in my thoughts, for once. At least I'm not rambling, or 
maybe I am.

What if everything is just a figment of my imagination? What if my 
computer is a figment of my imagination, what if I am not really 
writing this file at the moment, what if pink floyed is a figment of 
my imagination, it certainly sounds like one. What if everyone I have 
ever met and will ever meet in y entire life are just small figments 
of my imagination. What if every single question I ask myself about 
the universe and have never answered has been asked before, like it 
often has done.

What if a happy-go-lucky-im-the-most-importnat-person-in-the-world-
wittnessing-christian chirped in at this point and told me that if I 
just abandon all my reason and my knowledgeable thinking then I can 
understand the universe, with a IQ drop of only 700 points, that’s 
reasonable isn't it?

Maybe it is. Maybe it would be noise to be so ignorant of the entire 
universe that I think it was made in six days, maybe it would be nice 
to have the feeling that the entire world was made by a all 
knowledgeable being and that everything in the universe has a purpose, 
to make some guy who is meant to be totality complete anyway, happy.

Maybe I just can't sleep again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum
(C) Steak June 2002
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

