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                  l   o  n  g  d  a  r  k  t  u  n  n  e  l
                                productions


#104 - [ The amazing Wondersphere]
       [ Dr. Bryan Thompson  ]
 

The "amazing sphere" was constructed by Ivan Zebuzchevesky, the legendary
and notorious Russian mad scientist at around 1865. During that time, the
civil war had just ended, and his source of income, making war inventions
for the union and confederacy alike had yielded him millions of dollars.
During that time, he was also made a noble in the Russian aristocratic system,
and gained great honor and prestige in the royal and the science community
But over the war, he frittered almost all his money away on attempting to
construct impossible invention’s and alcohol, women, and his extreme
addiction to cough drops, of which he would consume 500 each day.  If he was
able to get his hands on the menthol variety, he would take in as much as
750. he also devoted much time and money to founding his infamous machine-god
cult, of which he believed he could turn into a magical other-dimensional
robot.  Then one night, in one of his drunken brawls, he drew up the plans
for a strange, otherworldly machine.  The next day, after he had sobered up, he had forgotten about his plans and was cleaning
up some of the mess he had caused in his mad rampage, when he spied upon a
small stack of papers.  He glanced them through and it appeared to be some
kind of machine that did not obey any scientific law in existence.  In the
next 6 month’s, he spent all his time constructing this awesome invention
that would surely make him rich, powerful, and prestigious again like he
once was.  Some day’s, he could not believe the plans himself, but looking
in his vast study of books, and analyzing the plan over and over again in
scrutinizing detail, he could find no technical or theoretical flaws on the
plan, despite the fact, when he drew it up, he was unbelievably drunk.  And
finally after months of hard agonizing work, his masterpiece was finished.
He would finally get the riches, power and prestige he once enjoyed.  He
decided to name the great accomplishment after himself, and thus was born
"the amazing Ivan Zebuzcheveskyonosphere".  Themachine was a gigantic hit for the time and a whooping 3 models were bought.
One by the royal army of Zanzibar, one by the university of Alabama, and the
third one by an eccentric millionaire who hollowed out the gigantic inside
to build his own private eatery in which he would serve the finest dishes
from Warsaw.  But despite the huge success, he never made a profit and in
1872, had to sell the patent to the rich Louisiana millionaire, C.F. Wigguns,
who attempted to reach a larger market for the sphere.  He renamed it the
"Wondersphere", despite the obvious fact it was not wonderful.  The other
change he made in it was to paint it grey, which was the most colorful and
exciting color at the time.  He also boasted to the New Orleans
gazette-tribune-mercantile-herald that the "Wondersphere" was so great, he
would burn up all his money if the "Wondersphere" slogan "t" is this machine,
the Wondersphere, is such a feat of modern engineering, there'll be one in
every American house by ‘80".  C.F.Wigguns went bankrupt 3 months later and
did not have any money left to burn.  The townsfolk, furious that they would
not get the chance to see burning money, which was going to be the greatest
event of the year found and killed C.F. Wigguns and later burned up the bank
for the show of a lifetime.  The "Wondersphere" eventually circulated hands
as a way to talk to the dead, visit another dimension, destroy the world, or
play "paper-less blackjack".  Until it found it’s home today as a permanent
item in the Smithsonian’s (De)Feats of modern engineering exhibit along with
the gold plated toilet seat, the beer hat, and the "Dr. Zoraks amazing
haircut by flames cap".

(This story sat on Bryan Thompson's desktop until he unleashed it upon the
world in a fury of whatever the hell was on his mind at the time)

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      Long Dark Tunnel 2002. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com 
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