(startfile: 10.04.21 8.19.96)

Neko's welcome
--------------

This will be different. I am leaving for Russia in about 48 hours, and I would 
like to share the rest of my diary with you. So, that's what flc 6 is all 
about. I'm just going to slap all the rest of the diary entries together for 
your reading enjoyment. Enjoy them and stuff. I just noticed that I 
accidentally skipped the entry for February 12th, and the contents were 
misnumbered in flc 5. So, I will start here with february 12th, then skip to 
the 16th, to pick up where I left off. I don't know what I just wrote, and am 
too lazy to correct it, but I just re-read flc 5 and my diary. It would appear 
that it was February 11th that was skipped, replacing it with February 12th. 
Sorry for any inconvenience to either of the dates.

John
neko@firecraker.com

february 11th, 1996 -- 10:54pm
------------------------------

this morning mom asked me why i haven't invited allison to winter formal. i 
told her to stop being silly. where does she come up with the idea i like 
allison? i mean, yeah, i do, but still. does she read this or something? i hope 
not. that would be hella bad. other than that, nothing happened today. however, 
i was still too shy / afraid / whatever to even CALL allison today. sheesh.

february 16th, 1996 -- 9:53pm
-----------------------------

this rose petal (no longer here...wonder what happened to it) is from allison. 
she just asked if i would like a petal from her rose. never one to turn away a 
gift, particularly from someone who i have devoted so much writing to, it now 
resides in here. "anti winter formal" plans are off. paula and i (and colleen, 
too!) went to Storefront tonight to see "The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 
Girls In Love". Good movie. funny. i think mrs. longhenry actually liked our 
project, too! Yay! got paid 60 bucks today, as of now i have 20. makes me feel 
rad. AYS tomorrow.

february 17th, 1996 -- 10:33pm
------------------------------

Wow. I am surprised at how quickly that rose petal died. I wish I had forever 
preserved it in its most beauteous state. AYS was interesting. I had never 
really known how gay people had sex before today. That was really the only new 
thing. But the atmosphere ... the atmosphere is one that radiates 
uncompromising love and understanding. i traded warez with phil today. reading 
the zines made me feel alone, disoriented, and depressed. i loved it. i wonder 
how my friends are liking the winter formal. i wonder what i would be doing if 
i was there. if i had gone alone, i would probably be standing relatively by 
myself, talking to a friend from time to time. and when someone finally asked 
me to dance (right, like i'd actually ASK someone) i'd probably say no. there 
are just some things i really can't do. of course, i'm probably just projecting 
bad memories of jen over dances...seeing how we met 'sexually' at a dance. 
maybe i should recount that story now so i can push it out of my mind. january 
1995: saturday before finals. i attend key club dance, as does jen. she came 
with pete gaines. she told me she would've liked to come with me. i dance with 
her...rather close...we kiss. dance some more. eventually, steve whitmore "cuts 
in" so we don't get any closer. about 2am Sunday morning, i call her. ask her 
if she'd like to come over under the guise of studying for finals. she does. we 
work, dance, hang out. she comes over again on tuesday. this time, no one will 
be home. when they leave, she sits on my lap and we look at gifs on the 
computer and kiss. we then move into another room and lie down and kiss more. 
she asks if i've ever seen a girls' breasts before. no. so she takes her shirt 
off and begins to take her bra off. i kiss her. deep, passionate kisses. 
finally she succeeds in lowering her bra enough to expose her breasts. i am 
soon licking them and sucking them and kissing them and fondling them. i decide 
i would like to have my skin press against hers. i take my shirt off (which, 
coincidentally, was the same as hers). we kiss more. roll around. she asks me 
if i have ever seen a girls vagina before. no. so she eventually succeeds in 
taking off her pants and underwear. she shows me what feels good, so i finger 
her and kiss her. eventually my erection starts bothering me, so i unbutton and 
unzip my pants. we kiss, fondle, etc. more. i ask her if she would like to see 
my dick. yes. she takes it out and starts masturbating me. i correct her and 
she lets me take over. she loomed above me and it looked to me like she was 
going to give me a blow job. then it was over. i came, we reclothed, and acted 
like nothing had happened. she lost her virginity to someone else mere days 
later. she forgot about us. something that meant so much to me meant nothing to 
her. it repulsed me. what will we remember about each other? will we remember 
each other? (not just me + jen, but me + everyone) scary. and i don't want to 
think anymore.

february 18th, 1996 -- 10:38pm
------------------------------

phil and jumby came over today to do the other huck finn project. NO WORK DONE. 
THIS TOTALLY PISSED ME OFF. so i talked about it with Mrs. longhenry, and she 
said you're basically screwed, but here's what you can do. so we divided it 
into 3 parts. hopefully, we'll all do our parts. <sigh> called boards tonight. 
i can't believe i still have an account on the register star's bbs. silly silly 
people.

february 19th, 1996 -- 9:09pm
-----------------------------

well, I finished 1984. one of the best books i have ever read. i was just 
thinking -- is part of courtesy knowing when to lie? and...have i made a 
difference in someone else's life..honestly, very few people have had that 
distinction to me. i think even the people i develop infatuations toward will 
probably not have lasting impats <sic> upon me.

february 20th, 1996 -- 11:00pm
------------------------------

i can't recall anything happening today that should warrant inclusion. ok, 
fine, i just don't remember anything happening today. is that such a crime? i 
meet with the AFS people on 2/29. maybe i'll have my stuff written by then. it 
would be so rad to get away for a year. wowee zowee.

february 21st, 1996 -- 10:13pm
------------------------------

i wonder if someone will ask me to Turnabout. and if so, who? and what will i 
say? at least now there's no pressure on me. Mike Kost's mom died yesterday, 
not a week ago. poor source of information. what can i say / do to help? is it 
even appropriate to suggest. probation interview or something tomorrow.

february 22nd, 1996 -- 10:06pm
------------------------------

i guess my probation dealy went OK. How is it that over 140 hours a week TV 
stations broadcast nothing but CRAP and then they put on great TV shows like 
ER. if great television is possible (and ER proves it is) why can't it all be 
great? i didn't go to school today, and no one called to say they'd missed me. 
oh well. what can i expect. there are very few people i would wonder about, why 
should i expect them to care about me. An odd coincidence: the day of my 
probation interview, i go to best buy and see Detective Skaggs. small fucking 
world. i need to get out of here, go away for a year. anywhere but here. i also 
think i'm going to call Rock River Times to see if i can get a job there.

february 23rd, 1996 -- 10:25pm
------------------------------

i am confused. mainly about girls. ie: who do i like and what to do about it? 
for the first part there are a few contenders. obviously, allison. but i'm not 
sure anymore. i feel -- i know -- something has changed, but i don't know what. 
and, oddly enough, i have been becoming less "involved" or whatever with her, 
but she has been paying more attention to me. if she asked me, i'd say yes and 
work out the details later. even though i'm not a dancing fool. another 
contender -- but not really -- is paula. she is beautiful, but we've already 
"decided" that we don't want to become "involved". sitting at lunch, talking to 
her, i want to hold her, to kiss her, but these are things that, no matter how 
hard i try, i just can't do. and there are, of course, others, but most of my 
relationship are a 'hey' in the hallway. nothing more. i am selfish and i 
WANT...

february 24th, 1996 -- 9:56pm
-----------------------------

went to Mrs. Kost's funeral. mr. kost, mike, and steve all seem to be OK. it 
was a nice day, so we rode bikes. if its nice tomorrow morning, i'm going to 
ride my bike to church. paula called and we talked for ahilw -- like the good 
ol' days (ie november). this evening, tim and ross and i went to Godfather's 
Pizza for the Inter-City BBS gathering. it roxored. then tim said he was going 
to this party so he could hang with elisha. i hope he's having a good time. 
looks like i MIGHT be able to go to the PIT tomorrow and see Mr. T Experience, 
Boris The Sprinkler and someone else. That'd be cool.

february 25th, 1996 -- 10:20pm
------------------------------

i rode my bike to church today. that was cool. i'm gonna have to do that much 
more often now... paula looked really unhappy. i was helpless -- i couldn't 
bring myself to do ANYTHING -- not even say anything. when i get home, turns 
out ye ole family waited for me to get home so we all could go somewhere. i 
didn't want to go. apparently it wasn't entirely optional and mom got angry at 
me. i just didn't feel entirely up to going. so i rested for awhile. in the 
afternoon, we went to Katie's choir thing. it was like a fucking church service 
minus the sermon! Bogus! (i saw part of Bill + Ted on TV today) upon returning 
home, i talked to paula. she spoke very softly and i couldn't exactly hear her 
at the beginning of our conversation due to my music. i am reasonably certain 
that she spoke of someone (lars?) choosing someone else (kyla?) over her. and i 
didn't know what to say. so i read her the story i wrote today. it was kind of 
a metaphor for my 'relationship' with her. and she figured it out and asked why 
i loved her. i was taken aback. i explained..but a feeling is something hard to 
explain. during our conversation, she laughed and at other times sounded close 
to (or in) tears. i don't know what to do now. what can i do.

february 26th, 1996 -- 10:13pm
------------------------------

Tired as all hell today. there's lightning out right now. it was raining a few 
minutes ago. i wish it was warm out -- i would have run outside to enjoy it.

february 27th, 1996 -- 10:10pm
------------------------------

i read a book of paula's today -- "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". it rocked. 
it (whether it tried to or not) planted some seeds of thought in my head about 
Jesus and the Christmas Story. what will i remember in 30 years? Will i have 
this and future volumes to remind me of my history? In Spanish today i read a 
letter written by some guy to Donna. It professed his eternal love, he doesn't 
wait -- can't hurt her, etc. i told her that that was pretty much the way ALL 
guys think and i don't think she really believed me until i told her the much 
condensed story of me sending Kathleen a letter. as for the immediate future, i 
wonder what Sunday will bring. an overwhelming success or a catastrophic 
failure. oh also in spanish class that yesterday morning his best friend, a 
girl, was a lesbian. <sic> by that night she was lieing on top of him and was 
at least bi. awhile ago he told me he was going to marry her. i wonder if i 
should pursue the love issue with Paula...and how.

february 28th, 1996 -- 10:19pm
------------------------------

AFS interview tomorrow. i hope i get to go to Russia. There's a show called 
Caroline in the City. On last week's episode, Caroline was asked by some guy to 
marry her. But this guy Richard really loves her and he want to tell her that 
he loves her (something she would like to hear) and he makes an effort to tell 
her and he can't. he's too afraid to ruin his friendship. i saw alot of myself 
in him. at least last week.

february 29th, 1996 -- 10:04pm
------------------------------

i think my AFS interview went AOK. so maybe this time next year i'll be 
somewhere else. i finished reading of mice and men today. hella good book. 
honestly, i think AFS interviewers learn more about the 'candidate' than 
Probation officers do. tee-hee.

march 1st, 1996 -- 9:56pm
-------------------------

Got the movies today. Should be a rad event. i also picked up the new 
maximumrocknroll today. there was a column in it by a dooder named Nick Fitt. 
He printed his phone number. I called him. we talked for like an hour and a 
half. he seems to be a pretty cool guy. i'll catch hell if my parents find oout 
i called long distance for 90 minutes. i've gotta wake up TOTALLY early 
tomorrow to go to a Quiz Bowl dealy.

march 2nd, 1996 -- 9:45pm
-------------------------

Quiz bowl dealy in the Burbs today. Twas ok. Nothing else until Paula called 
me. Oh, how I love to hear her in good spirits. Movie day tomorrow. i hope it 
goes a-o-k SnazzysuperKool.....

march 3rd, 1996 -- 11:15pm
--------------------------

How did today get fucked? HOW DID I LET IT!?! I am so pissed off. Mere words 
cannot describe it. last sunday .... i told paula (or more aptly, she revealed 
to me) that i loved her. Now, a week later, i think the opposite is true. i can 
handle her fawning over Lars...but abruptly, they both left without a word and 
went to the porch. i felt like shit sitting there not knowing. And then i went 
in to give them a phone so they could call for a ride. All i know is that they 
were CLOSE AS HELL. Paula later told me that nothing happened. IT DOESN'T EVEN 
FUCKING MATTER. The fact that any two people have such a disregard for a 
community as to remove the Unity appals me. i am NOT going through this again. 
but i don't know how i can handle this. i lied. i told paula it was ok. well, 
it's FUCKING NOT OK. i get the feeling that she knows this. things are not the 
same. i can't be the accepting fool i was. school holds even less for me now. 
if i don't get accepted into AFS, i don't think i can continue schooling next 
year. however, i need to get this resolved so i can go to church without 
immense feelings of pain. YOU SUCK!

The next day...
---------------

I know I said this would be wholelly diary entries, but this is something I 
have that I found recently that needs to go here. A written conversation from 
lunch the next day. J = Me and P = Paula.

J: would it surprise you to learn that i was really pissed off at you and lars 
on sunday night?
P: I was going to apologize. He brought it up & then we had to finish the 
conversation. That's all.
J: what pissed me off is not what you were doing -- like i told you It's YOUR 
BUSINESS -- but that you would just go off without a word. complete disregard 
for other people. that you would remove the UNITY from COMMUNITY.
P: John, I never intended to form a community wwith everyone there. A lot of 
those people I don't feel as my family. I have no reason to want to favor the 
group over my need to communicate with someone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it 
to happen. I was just planning to watch 6 movies. (draws an arrow up to her 
first statement, underlines from we to the end of the sentence)
J: (ok, now i'm gonna be silly cuz i don't know how else to be) you missed the 
good movie the way i felt on sunday night was like if i was to engage in a 
conversation with you, every other word would probably be fuck. cure? playing 
TOOL fucking loud on earphones and thinking for awhile.
P: What had you expected to happen that didn't happen?
J: in general, nothing. i honestly expected you to hang all over Lars. i didn't 
anticipate any two people just leaving.
P: If I "hang all over" Lars its not because I want to. I don't try to. I try 
NOT to. We didn't leave. I guess I was never fully there. Movies take lower 
priority when it comes to this. If you're not convinced of the seriousness 
maybe you'd need to know that he was in a lot of pain. Sobbing, actually.
J: i don't know. i don't need to debate whether you left or not. whatever you 
wish to call it was simply not cool. and just to make it clear, i think i would 
feel the same way no matter which two people had just gotten up and left 
without (so far as i know) telling anyone where to find them, or what was going 
on or whatever.
P: I'm sorry it wasn't cool. I'm sorry I'm not cool enough for you but I 
thought you might understand that this is killing me and my heart is fucking 
broken. Being cool is not my goal. Staying alive IS.
J: thats not it and you've missed the point. Do you think

And here it ends. Either we decided to talk, or she left, or something.

march 4th, 1996 -- 10:00pm
--------------------------

went to like WOODFiELD Mall or something today. it sucked. bye now.

march 5th, 1996 -- 10:26pm
--------------------------

i tried to talk to paula today but i fear i only made the 'problem' worse. if 
only i could get her alone to talk to her. i hope there is good weather 
tomorrow. we could go outside and talk.

march 6th, 1996 -- 8:14pm
-------------------------

how lame is my life? very. does anyone take notice? no. or if they do they 
don't say anything

march 7th, 1996 -- 10:25pm
--------------------------

I read Ayn Rand's "Anthem" today. i liked it oodles more than 1984. I only hope 
i can write a good essay on it and get $1000. i just realized stacy is having a 
birthday party saturday. on the day she was giving out invitations, she said 
she didn't have enough and would get me one. never happened. oh well. after 
less than 3 months i amm becoming bored with this. actually, it's probably cuz 
i feel i never have anything to write about.

march 8th, 1996 -- 9:02pm
-------------------------

Yesterday, Meredith Berg died. She was in band with me. I've probably never 
spoken to her, but I feel weird never the less. I mean, here was someone who 
love...someone who was no doubt loved by others...someone who had their life 
tragically cut short at age 18. She hadn't even done anything wrong. Some car 
swerved across the lanes of traffic and hit her head-on. Yesterday morning she 
came into band class latet. This memory has haunted me all day since i found 
out about her death. Morbidly, I wonder what school will do, if anything.

march 9th, 1996 -- 10:53pm
--------------------------

i went to the PIT tonight. it was pretty shnazzy. but now i want to go to 
sleep.

march 10th, 1996 -- 10:41pm
---------------------------

good day. got a free value meal at McDonald's. word. not so good day. i brought 
a TV upstairs and all hell broke loose. this culminated in me not being able to 
go to the Park Forest Con on 23/24. i NEED TO GET OUT!!!

march 11th, 1996 -- 10:27pm
---------------------------

Sonia has invited me over to her house on Friday. I don't know if I want to go. 
I remember the way things were, for only a week, and they were hella fucked up. 
I don't want to go through that AGAIN. Why do i let people use me when i know 
full well i won't get anything back? why can't i find the enjoyment so many 
others live in? I NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM IMPORTANT TO SOMEONE. and not like 
important for a ride or something tangible...but just something like how i feel 
for some people. i feel it is enough just to see them. to be around them. they 
roxor my world just by being there. THAT is importance. i need to look harder.

march 12th, 1996 -- 10:12pm
---------------------------

tim and i went to best buy tonight. i blew my money on two cds. there was other 
stuff i wanted to write but i forgot it.

march 13th, 1996 -- 9:49pm
--------------------------

I had IGAP testing today. They said to write about someone famous you'd like to 
be, so I wrote about MOGEL. EYE PHEAR MOGEL! WERD. Allison turned 16 today. 
however, i don't think it means anything to me...unfortunately, i am so tired. 
and i think i'm failing analyt.

march 14th, 1996 -- 7:02pm
--------------------------

i tried studying for my analyt test. I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND. However, I 
will NOT fail. I will not cheat. I got my "case file" today. Lots of 
interesting stuff. mom + dad do not seem to back me up in any way, shape, or 
form in the nice little legal mess. <sigh> spring break can't come soon enough.

march 15th, 1996 -- 10:07pm
---------------------------

i think i bombed my analyt test. i hit dad's car against the garage. he was 
pissed. i was upset. i sobbed. bye bye

march 16th, 1996 -- 11:50pm
---------------------------

tim + ross + i hung out for awhile tonight. i went on irc for the first time in 
awhile. passed out my address and phone #.

march 17th, 1996 -- 12:45am march 18th, 1996
--------------------------------------------

Spend <sic> the last 90 minutes helping mom with her grades. watched 120 
minutes. now i get 4 hours of blissful rest. oh joy!

march 18th, 1996 -- 10:41pm
---------------------------

fuck, i'm disoriented. Phil is bring m0g3l and Jamesy to the 'Ford. So we's 
funna chill on Wednesday. Something to look forward to. Pretrial is tomorrow. 
R0CK DA CASBAH!

march 19th, 1996 -- 10:18pm
---------------------------

plead guilty. got 1 year court supervised probation, 40 hours Community 
Service, $200.30 for court bills, and I will have to pay some restitution. All 
that plus I have to pay half my lawyer's bill. Not too shabby. tomorrow i meet 
Mogel and Jamesy. Tim said he'd give me a ride. Now he tells me tonight that 
he'll call if he can't. i hope he's reliable enough NOT to do that.

march 20th, 1996 -- 10:36pm
---------------------------

This evening was rad. Me, Tim, Phil, Mike (Mogel), and Scott (Jamesy) started a 
<sic> Beef-A-Roo. Then we went to Mad City. We arrived just as he was closing 
the store. He begrudgingly let us in. Then we went to Barnes & Noble, where we 
must've looked at every magazine they have. then we went to Dennys. The 
bathroom there was a fucking SAUNA. Man. i enjoyed myself greatly. WERD to my 
mother.

march 21st, 1996 -- 11:09pm
---------------------------

i forgot to include yesterday that it appears to be, in all likelihood, that i 
was accepted for AFS. Joy. Saw Fiddler on the Roof at school tonight. It was 
beautiful. Tomorrow I have an analyt test. Now I must debate whether or not I 
should stay up and do analyt. A thought has just come to me -- it says, "NO! 
FUCK ANALYT! oh well.

march 22nd, 1996 -- 11:32pm
---------------------------

i TOTALLY forgot my days. i have pretty much given up on Paula. I told Emily 
Hurd that she had the 'best voice'. She sounded close to tears when she said 
thank you. Probably just extremely tired. AYS again rears its ugly (ha!) head 
tomorrow. There is also a conference tomorrow. i hope -- THEY -- have fun. Lars 
hurts Paula so much, i don't know why she likes him. her hurt used to hurt me 
but i don't feel it anymore. i get my drivers license in less than 3 weeks. 
whopeedoo. too much / not enough.

march 23rd, 1996 -- 9:16pm
--------------------------

i bet that if i am in another country this time next year, i'll get about as 
many letters as i currently get phone calls. but maybe, just maybe, someone who 
is only on the fringe will come into full view. someone like me who is more 
comfortable writing than talking. who are my friends? where are they? the only 
place i have ever felt totally comfortable is online! Church comes close, but 
no cigar.

march 24th, 1996 -- 9:53pm
--------------------------

i seem to be following Corey's lead of not doing school work anymore. tim has 
been giving me BBS Mail. eye wub him fo' dat. again asked my parents for the 
modem back, now with the hope of starting up my business, NetVision.

march 25th, 1996 -- 11:03pm
---------------------------

i have an english presentation tomorrow that i am not exactly done with. oh 
well, i'll figure something out tomorrow. i watche the Academy Awards for a few 
minutes. They showed scenes from Schindler's List. It made me cry again, even 
though its been 2 years since i've seen it.

march 26th, 1996 -- 10:31pm
---------------------------

i have music. i find solace in listening to music. that is SO wacky. are the 
people i know truly happy? it is doubtful. do i know happiness? no. but 
happiness could come to me if She wants it to. PLEASE let her. She could be 
lots of people, but right now, She seems to be the wonderful Miss Allison 
Schade. again. today in band she - for some reason - attempted to take all the 
dog hair off of my fleece (?) shirt. the we kicked her mute around for awhile. 
fun for the whole family. could this mean something? oh, I hope so...

march 27th, 1996 -- 10:54pm
---------------------------

this movie group thing may just turn out ok. in my mind, i am planning to ask 
allison if she wants to see a movie Friday night. i hope i actually do ask. i 
have been depriving myself of sleep lately. not because i want to. i hope to 
reach the 'so tired i don't even notice' stage soon. Since spring break starts 
friday it is not likely to matter.

march 28th, 1996 -- 10:06pm
---------------------------

Somehow I pulled a D in Analyt. I can't imagine i had higher than 30%. I think 
Paula just called me. i didn't recognize the voice and probably sounded like a 
fool. oh well. whoever it was, they wanted Matt McCarter's phone number. i made 
a joke about people with dyed black hair generally being losers to Allison. (a 
'freaky' friend of hers has black dyed hair) she took me too seriously and told 
me i had too many prejudices. i didn't say anything. i didn't know what to say. 
i'm going to start a spring break call log. today, the following people called 
me: ethan longhenry, nick wyatt and maybe paula peng.

march 29th, 1996 -- no time listed
----------------------------------

i got the modem back today. the only person to call today was <ugh> jill. re: 
group project. oh, yeah, tim too. i wonder who will surprise me over spring 
break by calling and who will disappoint me by not calling. i don't think 
anyone could disappoint me.

march 30th, 1996 -- 10:59pm
---------------------------

i went to the RVC Charity Ball tonight. pretty fun time. this girl i kinda sort 
know named lyn (i don't know her last name) called me today. she wanted to know 
if i could do anything today. i was busy. i couldn't. i hope she calls me 
again. i would like to hang out with her. it really surprised me to hear her 
call. maybe i am rad.

march 31st, 1996 -- 10:15pm
---------------------------

wow. nothing really happened today. although i might get an internship at an 
Internet Provider called Firecracker <sic> Enterprises.

april 1st, 1996 -- 10:28pm
--------------------------

si came over tonight and we chilled for a bit. so, like he was the only person 
to call. and lars. lars called too. woop woop. i wish lyn would call back. i 
dig lyn. apparently megan had some sort of camping birthday party deal or 
something today. why do i always find this stuff out second-hand. oh well.

april 2nd, 1996 -- 10:39pm
--------------------------

odd. i am my districts carrier of the year. wacky. awg. mike, lars, jason all 
called today. i need to hear a friendly female voice. but i am not sure whose. 
i am spending more time online and less time doing things. my community service 
consists of 4 hour days at a food pantry. rock on.

april 3rd, 1996 -- 11:34pm
--------------------------

i got the internship at Firecraker Enterprises. Tim is never around anymore, 
he's always with Elisha. now they're going out. he fucking ditched me tonight 
as per her request. that pisses me off.

april 4th, 1996 -- 10:02pm
--------------------------

must've gotten like 4 hours of sleep. damn modem. i'm not tired. i don't know 
what else there is.

april 5th, 1996 -- 8:18pm
-------------------------

i am going to go to sleep now. yeah right. i have decided to stop keeping this 
"log book" it is not accomplishing anything for me, so fuck it. i kept it for 
96 days. WOOP WOOP.

So that's the end. By typing all this in, I learned that truth really is 
stranger than fiction. I also realized that Scott Weiland wrote one halfway 
decent lyric: "...and I think I think too much..." I am leaving for Russia 
tomorrow morning, so here is contact information. Email is the same; 
neko@firecraker.com -- I'll either get access in Russia, or I won't. In any 
case, all email will be read eventually. My postal address is as follows: 
Russia 170002
Tver
Chaykovsky Avenue 4413-41
John Heisel
If you send something and don't get a reponse in two months, write again. I 
promise I will write back if I receive it. I can't really think of anything 
else right now, except that a mind-numbing 18 people showed up at my 'going 
away' party. Ya-hoo. See you next year. Until then, flc is most likely on 
hiatus.

(endfile: 17.33.07 8.20.96)	    
