                            Battle of the ants

I was in my backyard setting up the grill, when I realize that ants were
crawling up the legs of the grill and trying to get my burgers.  I quickly
grabbed the first thing I saw, some hotdogs.  I began smashing the hotdog
everywhere.  I nocked over the grill and my lawn caught on fire.  I ran
inside and got some water, and started pouring it over the fire.

the fire went out and a little amount of smoke was left behind.  my first
battle with the ants left me victorious, but the war was not over. they will
return and I will drop to my knees and beg for they're forgiveness.  the
battle will be long and hard,  but I will be the last one alive.  I will be
standing, raising my head, laughing at all the ants and they're limbs caught
in the cracks of my shoe.  the screaches as I stomp on them, giving them
no mercy.

I went back into my house and got out some more hotdogs, and hamburgers.
When I got everything cleaned up and ready for another barbeque I headed
outside toward the rusted, burnt up grill.  the ants were reforming and
ready to make they're attack.  I keep one eye on the grill, and the other
on the ants.  They will not sneak attack me this time, I am ready.  

I had another plan for the next battle.  I ran inside and got my quaker
instant oatmeal.  When I got back they had already begun they're journey
toward the grill.  They were dieing for my burgers but I would not let them
have it.  I poured the oatmeal in there path, and when they arrived to it
they began devouring it.  After a few minutes of waiting, the oatmeal began
to do it's work. It started expanding in they're stomache's, and left half
of the ants dead.  My battle was almost over.

With my second victory I was very much pleased.  More and more ants came out
of the ant hill.  I couldn't take it anymore.  They wouldn't stop.  I pulled
out my hershey's chocolate syrup and began pouring it all over the ants, and
the ant hill.  I dropped to my knees and began slurping away at the ants.
Minutes ago I was having thoughts about dropping to my knees and begging
for they're forgivenes, now I am devouring them.

I sat back on my lawn chair and felt very pleased with my actions.  I could
now enjoy myself.  I sat back and breathed in the fresh air.  I felt a slight
pinch in my stomache.  More and more pinches followed.  I dropped to the
ground and began screaming.  I could not take this anymore!  I crawled to my
grill and got the lighter fluid, and chugged the whole bottle down.  I got
my grill igniter and stuck in down my mouth into my throat and pressed the
igniter button.  The ants are dead.  

-rage

--(index)---------------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road?                        $ insane  $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern                                          $ mutter  $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself                          $ creed   $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two                     $ creed   $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed   $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta)                             $ creed   $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles             $ ideal   $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays                                          $ phorce  $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..."                                   $ mutter  $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding.                  $ traq    $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants                                         $ rage    $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed.  <HEIL!#  HEIL!#>

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk

or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373.  k-rad.

*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet.

_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!#  join the y0lk mailing list!#  chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!#  email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.

don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up?  it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this.  what a bunch of losers we are.

